Olivia Benson is sitting in the middle of the aisle. Her knuckles are white from gripping tightly to the arms of the chair. She already has tears in her eyes from the first time Noah was on stage as a group. She is at Noah's dance recital joined by the rest of the team. Amanda, holding Billie, is sitting to one side of her and Fin is to the other with his grandson, Jaiden, who he is babysitting tonight. Kat and then Lucy are next to Fin, and Jessie and then Sonny are next to Amanda. Amanda places her hand on Olivia's arm to calm her and leans over, saying, "He is doing wonderfully, Liv. Don't worry."
As a group of three little girls dance across the stage, Liv leans back to Amanda and says, "I know, but he has two more times on stage before his final bow. A solo and then a duet. I just hope it all goes well."
Amanda squeezes her hand before returning her hand to patting her youngest daughter's back. "It will."
She relaxes her grip on the chair a little and then lets go all together when Noah sashays out onto the floor as a soft melodic song begins to play. He dances and all but flies through the air as the song plays. The dance instructor hasn't allowed the parents to see the practices since they began preparing for the recital. She had no idea he could dance so beautifully. The dance was the full-length of the song, and she had to keep wiping her eyes and blinking away her tears so that her eyes didn't blur to the point that she would be unable to see the performance. When the music faded and was replaced with another child going out onto the floor, she finally let the tears flow. Sonny passed down the tissue packet he had brought; each of them, aside from the children taking several along the way. Fin leaned over and said, "Damn amazing, Liv. That was damn amazing."
She can only nod as everyone shares the sentiment with teary-eyed smiles. Amanda leans then and says, "More beautiful than I could have imagined!" Olivia nods again and squeezes her hand in return.
As the performances continue, Olivia waits with more patience, enjoying each child's dance. According to the recital's program, Noah's duet is the second to last performance. When her son's dark curly head saunters into the middle of the stage, he dances alone with the spotlight on him until it moves and his figure is in darkness as a beautiful little blonde girl spins out and, while only appearing Noah's age, dances with the true art of an actual ballerina. Taking each other's hands, the two children flow majestically across the stage. Like the costumes of angels they are in. God, again Olivia and all of the family and all of the people their for the little girl are in tears. Most of the audience are wiping tears from their faces too. Olivia never wants it to end. She has never seen anything so beautiful. But as the tears slide down her cheeks, the music comes to an end, and Noah leaves the stage hand-in-hand with the elegant blonde girl. The final dance is completed by two of the oldest children. Though they are more technically talented dancers than Noah and the blonde, Olivia is sure that her own son's duet was better.
When all of the children come out to take their bows, each child is called one by one. "Noah Porter-Benson." Finally being given the opportunity to cheer, Olivia and the people alongside her all cheer and holler and whistle for him and Jessie stands in her chair as she squeals happily for her "big cousin". Just after Noah, the blonde girl from his duet is announced as "Olivia Johnson" and she bows with a charming smile. Kat makes a rhetorical statement that Olivia only barely hears, "Well, isn't that just perfect?"
He sits with his ex-wife, each of his children, several of their spouses, and his grandchildren, except for the one dancing along the stage. He is sitting only three rows directly behind Olivia. The brunette woman had already been there when he had arrived, but that was true for the majority of the audience because he had arrived a few minutes before the recital began due to the excess of paper that arises from his return to the NYPD.
He saw the older brunette woman from not long after he arrived, but he told himself he was seeing things. It wouldn't be the first time though. He saw Olivia's face and heard her voice way more than he should. Much more than he would ever admit, even to himself, and he never admit any of it to anyone else. As the recital went on, he caught himself watching her and the people that she appears to be interacting with. From his angle, he can see a blonde woman who appears to be close with her, a little blonde girl, and a man in a nice suit who was probably a lawyer, he thinks. Lawyers are easy for him to spot. To the other side of the woman, he can not see the person, though he can see a young child being held over whoever's shoulder. Then, there are two young, dark-headed women who seem new to each other though they are talking to each other quietly throughout the performance. At one point, the man blocking the view of the person sitting beside the woman leaves his seat. Suddenly, he is hit with a mixture of recognition and shock when he sees that the man looks just like Fin.
His attention returns to the recital for his granddaughter's performances. Like everyone else, he is thoroughly moved by the duet and cannot take his eyes off of the sweet little girl that carries the beauty of his daughters and his ex-wife and carries her name.
As the children are announced, he is so overwhelmed by the sound of her last name on that young boy who had danced with his granddaughter that he begins to cheer for who he was there for a little later than the rest of his family.
When the end of the recital is announced and the family are told to stand in the lobby to wait for their children to change, everyone begins standing and exiting. He cannot help but watch as she stands. She turns to the blonde woman sitting beside her, and they hug. He thinks quickly of the times they hugged. When the two women pull apart, he sees the side of her face and hears her laugh and he is positive. Today is the first time he has been in the same room with Olivia Benson in almost ten years, and he is not ready.
Olivia walks out to the lobby surrounded by the people she considers her family. Carisi is spinning Jessie around and Jaiden and Billie are speaking to each other in toddler speak while everyone shares their opinions of the recital and Olivia listens as she stares to the door that Noah should be coming out of soon. She cannot help the wide smile that spreads over her face when she sees the curly hair and blue eyes of her son. She waves to catch his attention as he looks around for his family, and she calls out, "Noah!"
He turns to the sound of his mother's voice and smiles when they make eye contact. As he runs to her, he says, "Mom!"
Olivia bends down to meet his height and opens her arms for him to run into. She runs her hands through her son's hair and more tears slip as she says, "Noah, you did so good! I am entirely amazed by you!"
He pulls away with a smile as Olivia stands and everyone congrats and shares their praise for him. They are about to leave for their dinner reservation when Noah says, "Mommy, can I say goodbye to Ollie?"
Distracted by her conversation with Lucy, she says, "Of course, baby. But hurry, we don't want to be late."
Noah runs off and Fin watches the child run to his blonde duet partner only to look up at his family and gasp. "No way in hell." Amanda, Olivia, and Sonny all look to him prepared to reprimand him for his language around children when they see the unhappy look on his face.
Turning towards his line of sight, Olivia gasps harshly and says, "My God."
With worried looks in the eyes, the rest of their adult companions look to them. Amanda says, "Liv, what's going on?"
Looking to the man who is standing only a few feet from the young girl that is giggling with Noah, Olivia exhales a shaky breath. "Elliot," she mutters.
In response, Amanda, who knew his name and the basics of the story and the gossip though not his face, says, "Damn." The others just appear confused and are looking at Olivia while Amanda, Fin, and Olivia are looking between Noah, Elliot, and the rest of his family.
Olivia is building her strength to turn away and is about to look away when Elliot looks to her, and they make direct eye contact. Olivia physically recoils before running her hand through her hair and saying to whoever could hear, "Well, he saw me. I guess I have to say hello." Before anyone could suggest otherwise, Olivia ran her hand along the side of her white dress with a pink and red floral pattern and began walking in their direction.
Elliot looks — no stares — at Olivia as she crosses the empty space between the people she was standing with and his family. His family looks at him when he says, "Goodness…" They follow his eyesight. Kathy, Maureen, Kathleen, Richard, and Elizabeth recognize after only a moment's glance while Eli, the several grandchildren and the spouses all appear confused. The ones that recognized her looked at the brunette child that is talking to Ollie and who Olivia is looking at and the dots connect.
Elliot's eyes never leave Olivia as he takes in how she has changed in the past years. She has aged so well. She is beautiful, just like always. Only a few strides away, she calls out sweetly, "Noah!"
The young boy that had danced with Ollie turns to her and says, "Mommy, this is my friend Ollie."
Olivia smiles as her gaze passes quickly over the family that she had once cared for so deeply, and she bends down as her hand runs over her son's back. "Hello, Ollie, my name is Olivia. I'm Noah's mom. I just wanted to say that your performance was outstanding and truly beautiful."
The little girl who looks so much like him smiles adorably and says, "Thank you, Miss Olivia."
"Of course, darling." Olivia stands and runs her hand through her son's hair. Looking between all of them, though she never meets Elliot's eyes directly, Olivia smiles.
Kathleen is the first step closer to her and she extends her arms and says, "Olivia, it has been too long. Your son was really beautiful up there."
"Thank you, Kathleen. You are right. It has been too long," she says with an edge in her tone that she tries to hide.
"Mommy, do you know Ollie's mom?" Noah's voice is overheard as Olivia pulls from Kathleen's hug.
Olivia looks to her son and says, "Yes, love. I do… I did." The last part comes out a little weaker.
A hand touches Olivia's elbow and pulls her attention. She looks to Amanda, who has Billie in her arms, as she says, "Liv, we need to get going or we might miss the reservation."
Olivia is thankful for the reprieve and places her hand on Noah's shoulder. "Noah, you heard Aunt Amanda. We need to leave soon."
He smiles at his mom before looking to his friend and saying, "Bye, Ollie!" He is waving to Ollie and takes both his mom's and aunt's hands.
Olivia does not move yet and looks between them saying, "It was nice to see you all." Turning to each individual face, she continues, "Maureen… Kathleen… Dickie… Liz… Eli, god, you have grown… Kathy…" Her face stops on Elliot's face then and she says with a pained breath, "El."
Elliot swallows and says with as much strength as he could muster, "Liv." Olivia turns away quickly with a wave just in time so that he will not see the tear as it slips down her cheek.
When Olivia, Noah, and Amanda return to their group, no one asks how she is, but they all see as she wipes away the tear. Needing to leave to make it to the restaurant on time, they all begin to file out. Last out the door, Olivia cannot stop herself from looking back.
Her eyes contact his eyes immediately. They hold each other in their eyes for a moment. Olivia forces her eyes away — to her son, to her family, to her life today — and Elliot watches as she leaves.
He realizes as she disappears out the door that she did not say goodbye. She walked in and out of his life in a matter of minutes without a goodbye. That's what he deserved. He had never said goodbye.
Standing there and ignoring his family's conversation, he remembered that last day — that shooting — and how beautiful she was then. She was even more beautiful now. Now, she is older, wiser, and happier. He gasps in pain with the realization. She is happier.
He sighs and comes to one decision. If he ever sees her again, he will tell her goodbye. Maybe… maybe, that will make her even happier.