He reached up and grasped his headwear, throwing it high into the air to reveal some really nice fucking hair. Like, damn dude, what do you use as moisturizer? He posed, bringing his arms up and crossing them, one hand raised near his face as he stared at the camera.
"OH MY GOD! LOOK AT THAT HAIR!" Yang stood up and pointed at the screen aggressively. "Well I'll be damned." Blake gulped. "I never imagined he would have all that hair under his turban. It looked like it was really tight." Weiss commented. "Well, maybe they can control the length of their hair? I mean, Bruford did and he was just a zombie." Ruby shrugged.
"I alone always stand on top!" The final Pillar Man said.
()()()()
Several vampires gasped.
"Look at Lord Kars! Lord Kars is…!" One stuttered.
Kars was grinning, his horn poking out of his forehead as he prepared himself for battle.
"He's ready to fight!" A vampire commented.
"But Lord Kars, there's no reason to fight one-on-one!" Another one reasoned.
"Who needs rules? Let us take them!" Some vampire declared.
"Pffft, just try." Yang cockily stated. "But- but they're dishonoring Wamuu's wishes!" Ruby whined.
Several vampires leaped towards Lisa Lisa's calm form, and Joseph raised his fists from where he stood behind her.
"I fucking knew you'd do some dumbshit like this!"
"Calm down, watch your master get it done." Blake confidently said as Weiss crossed her arms in agreement.
Instead of responding Lisa Lisa leaped up into the air, kicking at two vampires and sending them down with two small flares of Hamon. She then held up the Red Stone, pointing it at three vampires. "See? Not a scratch." The faunus muttered.
"I'm the one calling the shots here, since I have the stone. It's me against Kars, one-on-one. But if you don't like those terms, I guess I'll just smash it!" Lisa Lisa threatened as the team were awed by her boldness.
Kars sighed "I'm a man of my word. One-on-one. My promise still stands. That's why I revealed my horn to you. As for my underlings behavior, they're already dead, as you can see."
Kars turned and walked away into a dark tunnel, while his three vampire underlings were suddenly cleaved in two with slices of light. "Man, vampires seemed to be worthless this time." Yang mumbled. "You said it. They don't seem to be a threat anymore." Weiss replied in agreement.
"All I want is that Red Stone. However, Wamuu and Esidisi were my comrades for 10,000 years. I must honor both their deaths and their pride as warriors." The pillar man declared. Ruby's eye twitched "Something tells me he won't keep his word..."
"Kars seemed to be different out of the three. I can sense it too." Blake said.
"I will fight you Hamon-users fairly… and finish this with my own hands. And Lisa Lisa, after seeing you fight, I won't think of you as a woman. I will fight you with all my strength. Come! We fight over there."
The camera turned to reveal what Kars had been walking towards, several stone pillars, some connecting some not, with a multitude of small, sharp, stalagmites rising from the ground beneath many of the pillars. "It looks like some 2D platformer stage." Yang scratched her chin as she folded her legs.
"The temple at Piz Berlina. Champions once came here to drink the blood of the fallen mixed with liquor. They thanked the gods for the joy of life. It's not an arena, but it will add to our fight." The pillarman said.
"It looks beautiful, but in a dangerous way." Ruby stated. "Just like Lisa Lisa's island." Weiss said.
Kars now stood atop one of the wide stone beams that connected two pillars, t-posing, and Joseph grit his teeth and stuttered "C-Coach Lisa Lisa, you may be strong, but you're still a woman."
"Oh come on, baby. Don't be like that." Yang jeered. "He is just being concerned. I think he is taking a leaf out of his grandfather's book rather than him being sexist." Weiss shrugged.
"He looks weaker than Wamuu. I'll take him!"
"He is quicker though, and he like... Mangled Stroheim with ease!" Ruby reminds.
"No. You won't." Lisa Lisa removed her white cloak from around her body, revealing a black and brown outfit beneath it as the screen flashed through several different color palettes. "Oh fabulous!" Yang applauds. "The color switch are eyepleasing." Blake comments. "You only noticed that just now?" Weiss snarked.
"I haven't lived my life so that some dumb kid has to stand up for me."
She removed her glasses to show her sharp eyes, and Joseph grinned as he raised a fist.
"You're fifty, all right!"
"That is NOT fifty." Yang said. "But it's confirmed." Ruby told her. "But she looks... How old is Miss Goodwitch?" the blonde asked.
The door busted open as the person they were talking about barged in causing the team to yelp.
An awkward silence commenced as the only sound in the room was Zwei's panting and their heartbeats as Glynda stared them down. They all gazed at her with fear as she slowly closed the door glaring at them.
Clip.
"Phew, she's gone." Blake sighed in relief. "Let's keep her age out of this, okay, Yang?" Weiss shook her head. "Y-Yeah, no problem." The brawler squeaked.
I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a compliment, but sure, we'll roll with it. Lisa Lisa leaped onto the pillar Kars stood upon, and several metal weapons were waiting for her.
"I will use my Brilliant Bone Blade. I would offend Wamuu if I didn't offer you a weapon. Take your pick." He boasted.
Lisa Lisa just kicked the weapons off the pillar with a clatter of metal, and gripped her scarf "My scarf will suffice."
"Yeaaah!" Yang clasped her hands in excitement. "Yeeeeaaah!" Her sister shared the same enthusiasm. "Yes." Weiss simply said. "Mm..." Blake nodded. They are giddy to see some action. They don't mind the constant masculine action between handsome and ripped men but seeing a strong woman fight is a breathe of fresh air.
Kars licked his bone blade with a smirk, before beginning to pose. Various colored lights shone from his body as Lisa Lisa watched, before she gasped. "Pffft, Lisa Lisa was shooked because of the pose." Ruby giggled.
Lisa Lisa, thinking 'T-There's no violence in Kars' stance. How can he fight without violence?'
"What? How can he even enter a match without bloodlust?" Weiss wondered. "I knew there was something different about him." Blake whispered. "I called it first though." Ruby smiled.
Kars leaped forward and Lisa Lisa watched with wide eyes, before the screen turned white and Kars disappeared. Joseph, watching from ground level, also couldn't tell what had happened.
"Kars disappeared with that light! What the fuck happe- where is he?!"
Lisa Lisa remained alert however "Kars… I can feel something… But it's coming from both above and below."
The statement made the team confused. "I'm confused." Ruby said to emphasize how confused she is.
Lisa Lisa watched her surroundings in confusion, looking for the Pillar Man as the wind blew through her hair and scarf and tense music played, before Kar's hand exited through a crack in the pillar above her.
"THERE! THERE! THERE!" Yang suddenly yelled. "She can't hear you, stupid!" Blake nagged.
He suddenly leaped out, blades glowing. "Brilliant Bone Blade!"
"OH SHIT! COACH, WATCHOUT!" Joseph's voice cracked.
Lisa Lisa suddenly planted her scarf in the ground and used it to leap back over Kars, the length of the item glowing with Hamon.
"As if that attack can reach her." Weiss confidently stated, her faith in the coach was high seeing as she trained two capable hamon users.
"Hmph. You fell for it, fool. This Satiporoja beetle scarf is a perfect Hamon conductor. It is a weapon and life detector! It even picks up attacks from behind!" Lisa Lisa boasted as she kicked, filling Kars' horn with Hamon and sending him stumbling away. The side of his face suddenly erupted with light as his voice warbled in pain, the team except Blake and Joseph cheered.
"Hell yeah! That's my coach! He didn't compare to Wamuu, but barkers seldom bite!"
"But Weiss, don't you think that was TOO easy?" Blake asked. "What're you saying?" Weiss answered with another question. The faunus was savvy enough to know that Kars won't be out that easily.
"William Zeppeli vs Lisa Lisa! Take your pick!" Yang asked out of excitement. "I'm sorry, Baron, but Lisa Lisa all the way!" Ruby answered with a grin.
Lisa Lisa stared down the body, before a 'schlick' noise sounded out, and the color palette turned red.
"WHAT?!" Yang screamed.
Weiss and Joseph gasped, and suddenly there were two Kars, one still on the pillar with his face melting off, and the other standing behind Lisa Lisa with his blade stabbed through her chest.
"WHAT THE-"
AYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYY!
"-JUST HAPPENED?!" Yang gripped her own hair out of confusion as Weiss was speechless. "I knew something will happen but not this!" Ruby squeaked. "You'll learn." Blake gulped.
The fallen Kars cried out "L-Lord Kars!"
Joseph was doing the exact movement Yang is out of confusion. "Hold on- Kars is behind her. Who the hell is that guy below her?! What the... WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?! Kars wasn't the one fighting! It was a double!"
"Imbecile. Why would I fight one-on-one? All I want is the Red Stone. My goal is to be the ultimate life form. I am not a warrior like Wamuu, nor am I a romantic. No matter what the method, in the end… victory is all that matters!"
Kars' blade shone, and he sliced upwards, sending blood flying from Lisa Lisa.
"NO!" Weiss yelled. "Goddamnit, he is like Joseph in pragmatism..! Only more ruthless!" Blake panicked. "I-IS SHE GONNA DIE TOO?!" Ruby screamed. "NOOOOO!" Yang answered.
"T-That's why I felt no violence. He never intended to fight me himself." The coach stuttered.
Kars slammed his hand down and knocked Lisa Lisa down, blood spilling from her wounds.
"I won..!" Kars menacingly said as he lifted his hand, the Red Stone of Aja dangling from his fingers. "You... Unfair bastard!" Yang growled. "Such underhanded- so dishonorable!" Weiss adds. "Are Wamuu and Esidisi nothing to you?! They aren't as vile as that!" Ruby asked.
"The Red Stone is mine! Now all that's left is for all of you to kill that pesky JoJo!" Kars said as he glared at the hero.
As the vampires jumped for Joseph, he did not let them quietly take him. Awaken turned violently into Overdrive as Joseph roared in anger, lifting his head to glare at Kars.
"K-Kars! What you did was unforgivable!" Joseph's eye twitched out of sheer anger but the face looked somewhat silly it earned a chuckle out of Yang.
The vampires screeched as they surrounded him, and he bashed one aside with a Hamon filled fist "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS!"
"BEAT THEIR ASSES!" Yang cheered. "Is Lisa Lisa dead?!" Ruby continued to ask.
"Get the fuck out of the way! IT'S RUDE ENOUGH EXISTING WHEN NO ONE WANTS YOU ALIVE!"
Joseph was in what amounted to a mosh pit but he never let a single attack touch him, and bright flares of Hamon shone out as he punched, kicked, and elbowed each vampire that attempted to come near him. No matter what weapon they wielded nor how large or fast they were, Joseph smacked them aside.
"WOOHOO! GET FOLDED!" Yang cheered. "Split their heads!" Weiss cheered. "Sheesh, there's like a hundreds of them." Blake commented. "THEN IT'S A FAIR FIGHT!" Ruby angrily cheered, pissed that the heroes had to suffer another casualty.
New York Man too angry to die.
"Zoom Punch!" He yelled as he let his fist shot out and sent a vampire stumbling back, but instead of collapsing, they just had a bruised jaw. Joseph gasped, clenching his arm.
The team gasped as well as the music switched back to the heavy guitar riffs of Awaken's middle portion.
The bruised vampire grinned "Your Hamon isn't working. He's weakened! Now-"
"REBUFF OVERDRIVE!" Joseph cuts him short by knocking him the fuck out with his elbow.
"BAHAHAHAHA! DAMNIT! I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD FEEL STRESSED OR LAUGH BECAUSE OF THAT!" Yang cackled. "You're already laughing." Blake deadpanned.
However, even after knocking the vampire down, his form looked ragged and he was breathing heavily, unable to use Hamon Breathing to generate more Hamon.
The team grew increasingly worried as the situation got hopeless, Kars spoke and taunted the Joestar"You look worn out. Your breathing is ragged and your Hamon is weak. And you're all that's left of the Hamon users Lisa Lisa trained. Will you last? Will you last, JoJo? Will you last?"
With each question Joseph desperately bashed away more vampires, but now he was at the end of his rope. Kars licked his lips as Joseph sent a devastating right hook into a vampire's mouth, one that would have broken the jaw of a normal person and easily killed a vampire if he had enough Hamon, but the vampire simply laughed, and Joseph gasped for more air as he glared at his hand.
"This is bad." The faunus gulped.
"Flay him alive!" The vampires yelles.
"S-Shit!" Joseph yelped.
"OHHH NOOOO!" Yang screamed. "What now, what now?!" Ruby panicked. "Somebody save him!" Weiss yelled.
As the vampire's fist flew towards him and Joseph prepared himself for his last stand, a sudden bright light shone onto the Vampire.
"W-Wait!" Blake said as she recognized that light.
The fist hurtling towards him disintegrated, along with the rest of the vampire's body. The vampires behind him also began to die off, and Kars raised an eyebrow in confusion at what was happening. The camera showed several dozen men wearing bright lamps on their shoulders, with one standing ahead of all of them, haloed by the light and saluting.
DER MENSCH! IST BOSE!
"STROHEEEEEEIIIIIIIIM!" RWBY yelled out with extreme hype.
Stroheim smirked as he waved his arm, addressing the undead army.
"Never before have I been as happy to see a Nazi." Joseph mumbled.
"Listen up, kyuketsuki! You're up against von Stroheim and the German elite!" He boasted. Weiss applauded "The cavalry has arrived."
"Wait, didn't he get chopped up to pieces back in that manor?" Ruby asked. "Well, he is mechanical now." Blake said.
The shoulderlamps all said in unison. "And we're the Speedwagon Foundation Special Forces!"
Speedwagon and Smokey greeted the Joestar.
"Oh! And they're here to support Joseph too! That's just precious!" Weiss commented.
"I-It's Speedwagon! And Smokey from New York! What a sight for sore eyes!" Joseph grinned.
"Don't they risk getting in danger though?" Ruby asked. "Well, they won't have come if they don't have it under control." Blake replied.
Smokey laughed, and Stroheim gripped his military uniform to rip it off, revealing the machinery beneath it built into his body.
"PLEASE MOW THEM DOWN WITH THE STOMACHINEGUN!" Ruby yelled.
"MY RIGHT LEG IS A BIT STIFF BUT MY BODY IS FULLY REPAIRED! I AM COMBAT READY! TAKE THIS, YOU FUCKING BLOODSUCKERS! OUR ULTIMATE ANTI UNDEAD WEAPONRY: ULTRAVIOLET LASEEEEEEEEEEEERS!"
Twin lamps zipped out onto Stroheim's shoulders, and began melting the vampires in front of him. The team laughed at Stroheim's voice cracks "It's good to have him back." Yang chuckled. "No gun though." Ruby dejectedly whispered.
Speedwagon stood on the sideline and explained it to Joseph and the cameraman "The Speedwagon Foundation miniaturized them, but our boy does like to brag."
"Just let him! It's funny when he does." The blonde giggled.
The germans and Speedwagon special forces ran forward and began bathing the vampires in light as they tried to fight back, and Kars just chuckled as he looked down at them "Crafty little creatures."
Kars paused suddenly, frowning. He looked out over the sea of people, trying to spot something. "Joseph's gone, isn't he?" Blake folded her arms.
"Oh! Oh! His next line is gonna be-"
"Where is that JoJo? He's gone!" Kars asked no one in particular. "NOOOOO! I was too slow!" Ruby sulked.
There was a pause as his eye twitched and he growled, before he turned with a chuckle.
"He's as quick as ever. Take your eyes off him and he'll hatch a scheme in no time."
Joseph stood behind him, glaring at the Pillar Man. As he spoke, his face glowed with Hamon. "Hey fucker... You crossed a line you shouldn't have crossed. You said you'd fight fairly, but you didn't, you cheating weenis! And that act betrayed the memory of Wamuu, your fallen comrade! Was he a joke to you?!"
"Yeah! Roast him! Figuratively and with hamon!" Yang cheered.
Kars held his hand up "You can save your indignation, scum. The end justifies the means. All that matters to us three is the Red Stone. If I failed to secure it, then my two comrades died for nothing. You have to save effort, minimize danger, avoid risks, and move your pawns carefully. That is a real battle. And now I'll maneuver you into my hands and to your death."
It sent shivers up to RWBY's spine. Kars was more careful with his actions, compared to Dio's pettiness. It made Kars a few steps more menacing than the supervampire in their book.
"Bullshit! Let me tell you something, Kars! ... I've never hated anyone as much as I fucking hate you!" Joseph growled with rage.
Kars cockily raised an eyebrow "You hate me? Then show me. One-on-one. We'll fight one-on-one like you wanted."
"Or you're gonna cheat again with a double! Cut the crap out, Kars!" Yang held her fist up. "Wait, but the vampires are preoccupied fighting Stroheim and the Speedwagon elite." Blake reminded her. "Just keep your guard up, we didn't expect the previous cheat Kars did, who knows what he has up his sleeves." Weiss sternly replied. "But Weiss..." Ruby squeaked.
"What?"
"Kars is almost naked, he-"
"IS NOT WEARING ANY SLEEVES, I MEANT FIGURATIVELY!" the heiress snapped.
Kars sent out his bone blades in preparation, but Lisa Lisa groaning drew Joseph's gaze.
Kars chuckled, posing.
"This woman mostly dead. But only mostly."
After hearing that, the team did not show any signs of relief as they knew Kars could have killed her when he wanted to, nd they're right.
"I did that on purpose. I left her alive... Now why would I do that you ask? She's another pawn. JoJo, she's a pawn I can use against you."
Kars lifted her legs, before running his hand down them like a guitar or some shit.
"What." The team flatly asked.
"Whim... Heh. Whim, whim, whim." Kars strummed her leg.
"Wait! Wait! Maybe the tone resembles something we already heard!" Ruby yelled out. "What?" Yang asked. "I mean, when Esidisi bawled it sounded like the Pillar Men theme, right?" the leader persisted.
"... I don't think it matters now, Ruby." Weiss said, still weirded out.
Joseph and the team continued to stare at Kars' bizarre antic. "What is he doing? Why is he doing this? What will he gain doing this?" Blake asked.
"F-Fucking weirdo..." Joseph stuttered.
They suddenly got jumpscared as out of nowhere Kars sliced through her legs with his blade, causing Joseph to gasp. "OWW! OH GOD!" Yang winced.
"What the freak?!" Ruby covered her mouth. Weiss squinted "I didn't need to see that!"
"Ughh..!" Blake cringed and grabbed her own leg.
As her shoes fell to the floor, Kars ran a rope through the hole that now existed in her feet.
"WHAT IS HE-"
"SHHHHH!"
"I've sewn her feet together with this rope. Why am I doing this? Here's why!"
Kars threw the rope over the pillar above them, before kicking Lisa Lisa off the side.
Joseph and the RWBY screamed Lisa Lisa's name as the woman fell swiftly towards the sharp, knife like rocks that awaited her on the ground, ready to impale her.
"She'd be a bad pawn if she fell! If you let her go, she'll splatter on the ground and die!" Kars cackled.
"OH MY GOD, YOU SUCK!" Yang insulted.
Joseph looked at the rope that was going up and around the pillar, and jumped forward, gripping it hard. Kars chuckled at this, as Joseph was now helpless.
"Oh no! He can't dodge at that state!" Weiss yelped. "Kars is going to slice him up!" Blake adds. "Think, think, how is Joseph gonna get out of this one..?" Ruby whispered to herself.
"Is it weird that I wanna frisk Joseph and caress his muscles?" Yang asked.
"Given the context, YES!" RWB answered.
Stroheim noticed movement and turned towards the scene, followed by Smokey and Speedwagon.
"Stroheim, do something!" Weiss demanded.
"J-JOJOOOOOO! LISA LISAAAAA!" Speedwagon screamed as usual.
Smokey turned to him in shock "Lisa Lisa? That Lisa Lisa? Do you mean the baby on the ship that Granny Erina told us about?"
"Oh okay, she really is his..." Blake drifted off as the rest slowly followed.
As Smokey spoke, images of Erina rescuing the baby from the fire on the boat appeared, along with her in the coffin looking towards daylight as the first few strings of roundabout played.
"T-That means that woman is J-JoJo's…" the kid stuttered.
As a bead of sweat ran down Speedwagon's face, Kars pointed his blade at the Joestar.
"Now you're glued to that spot. Welcome to real battle, JoJo. I'll just walk up to you and slice you down while you can't move! Like a spider finishing off a fly, you die!" Kars proclaimed as he was sure of his victory.
Joseph was beyond pissed "KAAAAARS! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL FOREVER!"
Smokey gulped as his train of thought continued 'JoJo doesn't know. He doesn't know that that woman is his own mother!'
"Yep, it's confirmed. Joseph did indeed peek on his own mother." Blake deadpanned as Weiss gasped. "Oh man..." Ruby facepalmed as Yang bursted out laughing "That is so messed up! Ahahaha! I'm glad I don't have to be jealous of her anymore!"
To be continued!
I'll be the roundabout!
The words will make you out and out!
Spend the day, your way!
We're back to our old roots, the original format because as much as possible I don't want this fic to get taken down. Please bear with me. Oh and we're almost through with Battle Tendency, hooray.
I'll try to finish the next one as soon as I can but I don't wanna promise anything since I am quarantined and currently at the countryside so my internet was crap.
Once again special thanks to PhoenixClaw2128.