Author's Note: I'm alive, I swear! I had some trouble with the muse, but I managed to get this down after a lot of false starts (thank you for listening to me bitch, Camila!).

"How's the food?"

In retrospect, the fake pregnancy hadn't been the best idea—though without it, they might not even be sitting here at all. Jane had taken the dietary restrictions and lack of alcohol in stride, but Kurt couldn't help but feel a little guilty. His lie had no consequences for him, but plenty for her.

Jane's mock glare told him she knew exactly where his mind was. "It's not steak, but it's good."

"You could still have had steak," he pointed out, already knowing what her answer would be.

"Sure, if I wanted it charred to ashes first." She ate another mouthful of risotto, her eyes amused, then added, "Really, Kurt, it's fine. It's still great food, and if you hadn't said it, we wouldn't be eating here at all. Save your guilt for the woman who's had to deal with this stuff for months, already."

The gentle teasing made him smile wryly. "In Allie's case, I never know if I should be apologising, or just telling her it won't be for much longer. In this case, though, the blame is all mine. I really am sorry."

"It's fine." Jane sipped her water, her eyes on him, then added nonchalantly, "Though I do feel a little sorry for myself. You got me fake-pregnant, and I don't even remember the fun part."

Kurt had been cutting into his steak, but at her words he faltered in the task, staring at her across the table as his mind struggled to catch up.

It would be so damn easy to take that train of thought and run with it into outright flirtation, to tell her that pregnancy was off the table, but if his imaginary performance wasn't enough, he could prove that together, they'd be anything but forgettable.

But he'd promised himself he wouldn't make a move while Jane had no choice but to sleep beside him.

Don't go there.

Banishing provocative images from his mind, he answered honestly, "I don't even know how I'm supposed to respond to that."

Jane shrugged, the glance she shot him semi-flirtatious, before she focused on her meal again. "However you want. By the way, they're staring again."

The couple at the table nearest to them—still a fair distance away, since they were so far from the other diners—hadn't stopped giving them the evil eye since they'd been seated. He and Jane hadn't been able to drop the act of being lovers for more than a couple of seconds—and that really wasn't helping Kurt to remember that they were just friends.

He glanced over, and the couple glared, before making a show of returning their attention to their meals. Suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, he looked back at Jane. "Maybe we should get our stories straight—come up with a dating history, in case they come over and start interrogating us," he said.

Anything to change the subject from the imaginary sex we didn't have.

Amusement flashed through Jane's expression. "Where do you think we met?"

Kurt chose the furthest option from the truth he could, to make sure they kept in fictional territory. "At college."

Jane hadn't been to college—Remi had gravitated towards the military straight out of high school, if Shepherd and Roman were telling the truth—so she latched onto the idea with enthusiasm. "Okay, what was my major?"

He thought about it for a couple of seconds, wanting to make her smile without deviating too far from reality. "Art history. With a minor in ass-kicking."

"I didn't realise that was a qualification." She gave him the stunning smile he'd been craving, and his pulse skipped in response.

"All the colleges in Illinois offer that program," he said, deadpan. "How about me—what did I study?"

Jane knew he'd actually studied criminology at the University of Pennsylvania, while he'd waited to be old enough for Quantico. Shepherd had probably paid his school tuition, too, or at least pulled strings to get him his scholarship there, but Kurt refused to think about that tonight.

Instead of going with reality, Jane laughed. "You studied the culinary arts, with a minor in explosives."

God, I love this woman.

"Let's not mention the one time the two mixed, and I almost got kicked out of college," he added, running with her story.

Jane snorted. "Sounds more plausible than most people would think." Then she frowned. "Wait, this is our four-year anniversary, and we met at college? Unless we're at least a decade younger than we seem, the math isn't adding up, here."

He waved a hand dismissively. "We time travelled after college. Patterson invented a time machine."

"Yeah? And how did we meet Patterson?" Jane's eyes shone with laughter.

"She was at college with us. Reade and Zapata, too."

"Sounds about as plausible as how we actually met, so I'm not gonna argue." Jane finished her meal and laid down her utensils, then leaned back in her chair with a satisfied sigh. "Wow. I'm pretty full, but if you want dessert, I could probably be persuaded."

Depends if you want to skip dessert…

Kurt bit his tongue before he could make the suggestive comment. "Well, you know I never turn down chocolate."

"I'd noticed." She rolled her eyes. "I wonder how many of the desserts the server will tell me I'm not allowed to eat."

Before he could stop himself, Kurt let his heart do the talking. "Okay, since it's my fault you're being restricted tonight, how about this? When we get back to New York, as long as there's no big crisis to manage, I'll take you to dinner. You can eat and drink everything you want. My treat."

And it's up to you whether you want to take this as a friendly offer, or something more.

Jane regarded him quietly for a couple of seconds, as though she was absorbing the implications of his words. Despite the relaxed atmosphere between them, the moment seemed to have a gravity to it that overrode everything else. There was no ambiguity about the way she was looking at him—she understood exactly what he was offering.

His pulse raced, though he remained outwardly calm. Rejection would hurt like hell, but he couldn't take the words back now. He didn't even want to.

"Deal," she said.

Relief drained some of the tension from his muscles, and he knew he was smiling like an idiot, but he didn't care.

The warmth in her gaze made him long to drag her back to the hotel room and into their shared bed, to get an 'early night' that kept them awake until dawn.

He dismissed the thought, but couldn't help an inner sense of jubilation. As long as they had this understanding, even if it took a while to find the time to fit in a date, no one else would come between them. Jane knew he was waiting. She'd wait for him, in return.

And god, she was worth waiting for.

"Feel like walking down to the lake before we head back to the room?" Evidently, Kurt was feeling as restless as she was.

Jane nodded, pocketing her phone again as they changed direction. "Sorry. Just got another text from Patterson."

Kurt glanced over, concerned. "Everything okay with Roman?"

"Yeah. She says they're doing great, actually. She took some board game over there, and now he's challenged her to a mancala match, so things could be getting competitive over there."

Kurt smiled. "They have more in common than just the puzzles, huh?"

"Seems like it."

"Must be a weight off your mind, knowing he's coping tonight." In his quiet words, Jane sensed an offer to listen if she wanted to open up more about her worries and fears.

She considered it for a few moments as they walked, but even though there were so many things she fretted about when it came to Roman, tonight didn't seem like the time to vent about it. Roman had insisted he was fine. Patterson had said they were having fun. And Jane…

Jane couldn't find it in her to worry much about anything while Kurt was walking along beside her, relaxed and attentive, his presence making her fears seem far away. Ever since he'd offered to take her on a date when they got home, she'd been wondering if she'd fallen asleep in the car on the way to Chicago, and she'd been dreaming everything since.

He wanted to try again. Even if he was still giving her mixed signals tonight, that was more than she'd ever dared to hope for.

"Jane?"

She realised she'd fallen silent and shot an apologetic look Kurt's way. "Sorry. I guess I'm kind of processing a few things at once."

"Wanna talk about it?"

I'm wondering why we're going on a date at some undefined point in the future, but you don't even want to hold my hand tonight.

"I'm just thinking back over everything that's happened lately. Things never get predictable, that's for sure."

He nodded, a wry smile crossing his face. "Think we're in the wrong line of work for that."

"I think I'm in the wrong life for that," Jane said emphatically, holding up her hand to emphasise her tattooed skin.

"Maybe. Or maybe, a few years from now, you'll be lazing around, feeling so bored, you can't even stand it." He grinned. "Probably because you tackled a suspect off a cliff and broke both your legs in the fall, and you're in traction for a month—but my point stands. We have no idea what's around the corner. Maybe you're just having a few years of craziness before calm and stability set in."

Jane snorted, amused. "Well, that sounds tedious."

He laughed softly, his expression soft. "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say."

They continued walking quietly for a minute or so, heading towards the water in the distance. The park wasn't even half the size of New York's Central Park, but it was big enough to take a while to walk across.

They weren't even halfway across when a loud bang split the night, followed by several more. Instinctively, both Kurt and Jane reached for weapons they'd left in the hotel room. A fraction of a second later, they relaxed, exchanging a sheepish glance, then watching the colourful fireworks blooming and fading further along the lakeshore. It was an impressive display, even from a distance of miles away. It must have been stunning up close.

"Wonder what they're celebrating," Kurt mused aloud.

"Our fake anniversary?" Jane suggested lightly, her eyes on the sky.

"I'll go with that."

Taking in the fireworks, the shoreline and the landscaping around them, she sighed. "It's pretty. I still prefer Central Park, though."

"Me, too. Though I'd take this park over the one at the end of my street."

Maybe it was just because she'd obsessed over his invitation—and her own failure to tell Kurt that she had something else she needed to do—so often since they'd failed to connect that night, but his words seemed like more than just a casual statement to Jane. She glanced sharply over at him, wondering if he was trying to bring up that night, but he was watching the fireworks, his attention nowhere near her.

Jane shrugged, keeping her voice casual. "I dunno. The water is nicer here, but your little park is cosy."

Kurt frowned. "I didn't know you'd spent any time there."

Oops.

"Uh, yeah. Sometimes I go hang out there, now the weather's warmer. It's a good place to sit and think, after dark." Maybe it was a little too close to admitting the truth—that she'd been going there for a while to agonise over her situation, wishing for an alternate universe where she'd gone to the park instead of to the transmissions tower to meet Oscar. An alternate universe where Kurt had shown up, too, and where they could have started something they'd never had the chance to in reality.

"Yeah, it is. But there are parks closer to your place. Why not choose those?"

"I like yours." And wallowing in my mistakes there is just a masochistic bonus.

His words had been casual, but something about his posture, his expression… There was a shadow of pain about him, somehow. Jane stopped walking, stunned, as a puzzle piece clicked home in her mind.

Noticing she was no longer beside him, Kurt stopped too, doubling back to her side with a question in his demeanour.

"You were there that night, weren't you?" she asked, her guilt rising as her certainty grew. "That night you asked me to meet you there, the first night my detail was dropped." After I kissed you.

He shifted uncomfortably, not meeting her eyes. "It doesn't matter now."

She'd hurt him so deeply by not showing up that night, and she hadn't even suspected he'd been there until now. "Kurt… I am so sorry. I wanted to be there. I—"

"It's okay, Jane. Water under the bridge." His interruption held an edge, warning her to drop it.

But she couldn't, not until he knew how much her decision still ripped her apart, even to this day. "No, it's not okay. Please, let me explain."

"You were with Oscar that night. I already figured it out—from your statement, after we brought you back from New Jersey." He shrugged, clearly wishing the subject hadn't come up.

"That night was the first time I met with him, after he rescued me from Carter. And the only way Oscar could have found where Carter took me, after I was kidnapped off the street, was if he'd followed me from my safehouse to your apartment building that night, and then halfway back, to where the kidnap happened."

Kurt didn't visibly flinch, but she could sense him recoiling mentally. "I…hadn't considered that."

"I knew he was staking out my safehouse; that he'd see that my detail was gone, right after he'd challenged me to get it dropped. If I hadn't gone to meet him, he would have followed me to meet you. And I didn't want anyone to watch us together, especially not my ex."

He was quiet. Hurting, she knew. She'd screwed up by mentioning this now, but she couldn't stand to have him think she hadn't cared enough to show up for a moment longer.

"And, Kurt… At that time in my life, there was only one thing I needed more than I needed you."

"Answers," he said, his eyes still on the last of the fading fireworks. Clearly, that was one thing he had thought through at great length.

"Oscar had them, and after what had happened with Carter, and the video of myself…I knew I'd been wrong about so many things. I trusted you, but I couldn't afford to trust the FBI, not when I'd never imagined the CIA would just take me off the street like that. I was afraid that I had everything wrong, and I was scared my only source of information about my past would disappear."

"I know. I wish you'd come to me instead, but…I understand." He was still wary, old wounds opened afresh, but he wasn't shutting her out. That was something.

After everything that had happened this weekend, she couldn't bear the thought that she'd made him reconsider wanting to get closer to her again. If she really wanted him to understand, she'd have to take a leap of faith. She'd been too afraid to damage their friendship by hoping for more, but now she'd damaged it anyway by bringing up the past, her previous fear seemed tiny in comparison to what he might think if she remained silent.

"I don't think you can understand," she told him sadly. "I know that I deserved it, for standing you up, but when you told me it was too complicated for us to get into a relationship, it hurt me more than I thought anyone could. Ever since then, I've been driving myself crazy, wondering what might have been different if I'd gone to the park that night, and if you'd been there. What you were planning to say."

She took a shaky breath and confessed, "These days, sometimes I go there just to imagine things are different, and you're about to show up, and I can fix everything I screwed up, before it all goes to hell."

She turned away, feeling too vulnerable, certain she was just making things worse by trying explain herself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the evening."

When Kurt slid his arms around her waist from behind, she caught her breath. His embrace was familiar and comforting, and she was unable to stop herself from leaning back against him, despite her mental turmoil.

"Relax," he murmured, brushing a kiss over the top of her head. "I've known this whole time that you stood me up, even if you didn't realise I knew. I really have put it behind me, for the most part. I just…didn't expect you to mention it tonight, I guess."

Jane closed her eyes, her breath escaping in a half sob, though tears wouldn't form. "I hate hurting you."

"Ditto. But it wasn't all your fault, back then. For the record, I keep wondering what might have happened if I hadn't been such a coward that morning, when I lied and told you I didn't show up. I should have just asked what was going on."

"We both have regrets, then." She sighed, letting go of some of the guilt.

He tightened his embrace. "Since you were curious… I didn't really have much of a plan for what to say to you that night. I wanted some time alone with you. I figured we'd work something out together. Mostly, I just wanted to kiss you again."

Jane drew in a shaky breath, fighting the urge to turn in his arms and do exactly that. "You still could…"

He gave a soft laugh right against her ear, making her skin tingle with longing. "Not here. When I kiss you again, I want the only possible interruption to be from you."

Jane bit her lip, a warm, insistent tension beginning to coalesce low in her abdomen. "What if I don't want to interrupt you?"

Kurt nuzzled her neck, his voice almost a growl. "Then I won't stop."

Is this actually happening? The incredulous thought seemed distant, overwhelmed by the feeling of Kurt's arms around her, his breath against her skin. It shouldn't have felt much more intimate than a friendly hug, but instead, it was almost too intense to bear.

"Still want to walk down to the water?" she asked, hoping his mind was running along the same track as hers.

"Not anymore." His tone was amused. "Come on. Let's head back."

As they walked back the way they'd come, the silence was comfortable, but grew more expectant by the second. Testing him, Jane once more let her fingers brush the back of Kurt's hand.

This time, he laced his fingers through hers without hesitation, his smile understated, but so full of affection that her heart skipped in response. Whatever mental barrier had been holding him back from her this weekend, it seemed to be gone.

Jane just hoped that the demolition was permanent.