Dipper, Mabel, and Ryland stared up at the giant red dragon, or the Guardian of the Gnomes, in fear. Derrick, on the other hand, looked at the dragon completely unfazed. The gnomes began to chant various different words in the dragon's presence.
"It's a frickin' dragon," Ryland said blankly, staring up at the creature in sheer disbelief. "I can't believe it."
"Me neither," Mabel said as she stared along in complete awe.
"Fear us now, human," Thomas the Great said, targeting Derrick specifically. "For the Guardian of the Gnomes is the greatest ally of the Timberland Gnomes. You four will be burnt to crisps, which is exactly how she likes her meals. It's got a nice tang to it."
"Woah, man! This is crazy!" Dipper shouted, stepping forward toward Thomas. "We didn't mean for any of this! Can't you just let us go? We don't want any trouble!"
"It was you who brought yourselves the trouble," Thomas the Great struck back angrily. "You and your friends assaulted and personally examined one of our kind with your repulsive human hands. Your friend here also insulted us by denying our presence."
"And we're sorry for that!" Mabel said, stepping in next to Dipper. "But c'mon, there has to be a way to work this out. Humans to gnomes? Gnomes to humans? We're even kinda-sorta friends with one of your other gnome buddies. What's his name again? Jeff?"
At that moment, Thomas the Great and all the surrounding gnomes gasped and started whispering to each other. They all started raising their pine cone spears and made various claims with growing anger.
"They're friends with Jeff! They must be with him!" one of the surrounding gnomes shouted.
"They're Woodlands!" another gnome called out.
"You dare share alliances with that fiend, Jeff?" Thomas the Great asked.
"Fiend?" Dipper questioned, confused.
"Wait, I thought all you gnomes were buddy-buddy with each other!" Mabel claimed, also confused.
"Jeff and his gnomes are Woodland Gnomes. We're Timberland Gnomes!" Thomas the Great shouted. "And if you're his friend, that must mean you four are Woodlands!"
Dipper and Mabel exchanged confused looks with one another as they looked around at the surrounding gnomes. The whole Woodland and Timberland distinction was new to them, and they had no ideas in mind as to what the difference was. Regardless, the gnomes began angrily shouting in protest against them, which began to disturb the dragon and make her curious.
"Alright, enough is enough!" Derrick shouted, stepping forward. "This is ridiculous, Dipper. Honestly, I was impressed with the effort you put into making all this happen. Getting these little people, the dragon costume, and the acting. It's all very convincing, but I still don't buy any of it. I know the game, and it's over."
"But dude-" Dipper tried to speak up.
"Now if we can just stop all the screaming and shouting and just go home! This was a huge waste of time!" Derrick declared.
Thomas the Great's eye twitched at Derrick's ignorance and walked back beside the cage. "That's it, I've had enough of this uneducated pest," he said, turning toward the dragon. "Holy Guardian of the Gnomes! Burn this human and his lack of belief!"
"Excuse me?" Derrick asked, before turning toward the roaring dragon turning to face him.
The dragon then opened its mouth and took a deep breath before unleashing a powerful burst of fire at Derrick. At the same moment, Dipper jumped and tackled him out of the way before the flames could hit either of them.
Derrick's eyes bulged at the sight of the dragon's flaming breath, his expression finally growing fearful and confused. Dipper stood up and pulled Derrick up on his feet again, as he continued to look upon the ongoing fire.
"D-D-D-did that thing j-j-just…?" Derrick stammered, pointing toward the fire.
"YES!" Dipper yelled out in his face. "That is really a giant fire-breathing dragon that really just tried to kill you, and I really just saved your life. Oh yeah! And we are really surrounded by a bunch of gnomes that are also gonna try to kill us too!"
"Wait a sec..." Ryland said, turning to Mabel. "I thought you said there was no such thing as fire-breathing dragons."
"Um... whoops?" Mabel said with an innocent shrug. "Guess I was wrong."
A gnome then threw a pinecone spear at Derrick, hitting and piercing him in the knee, causing him to yelp in pain. He pulled out the spear and verified that it had done nothing worse than a bad cut. But he was still caught off guard by the fact the tiny spears were even capable of causing such damage in the first place. It was finally enough to break him.
"Alright! Alright! I give in! I believe you!" Derrick finally admitted as he ran up to Dipper. "Now let's get the HELL outta here!"
Derrick tried to make a break for it but was immediately stopped by more gnomes pointing their spears at him again. Dipper scanned the area for an easier escape but found that they were surrounded by nothing but gnomes. Sure, they were giants in comparison to them, but the large number of them was enough for him to know that it doesn't matter when they're easily outnumbered.
"Kill them all!" Thomas the Great shouted as he watched Derrick's attempt to escape.
The dragon roared again and turned toward the four. Mabel looked up at the dragon and then behind her and noticed the angry gnomes still standing in formation behind them.
"Guys! I have an idea!" Mabel said, beginning to walk backward toward the gnomes. "Back up!"
"Back up?" Ryland asked, confused. "You mean back up into the gnomes with the pointy pine cone spears?"
"Just trust me!" Mabel pleaded, continuing to back up closer to the surrounding gnomes.
Dipper, Derrick, and Ryland decided to follow through and back up closer to the gnomes behind them as well, prompting the gnomes to ready their spears against the four as they continued to back into them.
"We can't back up anymore! Now what?" Dipper asked.
Mabel looked up as the dragon roared loudly and began to inhale again, signifying it was about to fire again. Dipper, Derrick, and Ryland looked on in fear as Mabel stared at it with sheer focus. As the dragon pushed its head forward to exhale, Mabel raised her hand up.
"Now jump away!" Mabel shouted to the three, throwing her body to the right of the dragon's incoming fire expel. Dipper jumped along with her to the right while Ryland and Derrick threw themselves to the left.
The fire aimed at the four was now expelling into the wall of gnomes that stood behind the group. The gnomes in front of the fire's way screamed at the approaching flames.
"OUT OF THE WAY!" many of the gnomes shouted in unison as most of the gnomes jumped out of the flame's range, clearing a direct, unguarded path back into the forest once the dragon's fire dissipated.
"There's our escape! Now's our chance!" Mabel shouted to the others, pointing to the path.
The four quickly ran through the gap in between the gnomes, passing the embers and clearing smoke from the fire. They pushed back into the forest and began to make their escape from the Timberland gnomes and their dragon.
"No! They're getting away! How could you let them outsmart you like that?" Thomas the Great shouted furiously at the fallen gnomes. He turned toward the dragon and the other wall of gnomes. "All of you! Chase them down! Don't let them escape!"
The Timberland Gnomes nodded in response to their leader's command and began running through the forest. Some climbed up trees and started leaping their way through the woods. Some built totems on top of each other to gain height advantage as they followed. The Guardian of the Gnomes, on the other hand, leaped forward and spread out its wingspan, roaring loudly before taking off above the forest.
Meanwhile, Dipper, Mabel, Derrick, and Ryland were already running as fast as they could through the forest. The gnomes weren't too far behind, however.
"This is insane!" Derrick shouted while running. "I almost got burnt alive by a damn dragon! And now we're being chased by actual gnomes?! What?! Is this actually happening?!"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Dipper replied back, while also trying to avoid running into the trees ahead. "But you didn't want to believe me and everything I've been telling you about. Even when it was right in front of you."
"I'm sorry! It's just… it all sounded so fake, and I didn't think they were actually gnomes!" Derrick called back.
"You called them little people with beards and thought the dragon was a costume!" Mabel chimed in. "Do you try to be a moron or are you just that stupid?"
"Maybe a bit of both," Derrick answered. "Now, do we even know where we're going?"
"I think I do! Follow me!" Dipper shouted while sprinting all the way ahead of the four.
"Guys! Up in the trees!" Ryland alerted, pointing up as he ran.
In the trees above them, gnomes were following closely, leaping from branch to branch. Some had already gotten far enough ahead to start throwing their pine cone spears at them. Some used bows and arrows to fire gnomes at each of the four running as well.
"So I assume this is kinda how your first experience with gnomes was?" Ryland asked Dipper while narrowly avoiding the gnomes being fired at him.
"Sorta, I guess!" Dipper called out to him. "Though we had the Mystery Cart at the time! That would really be really helpful right about now!"
"Could be worse! At least you weren't kidnapped this time!" Ryland shouted back.
"Huh? I never got kidnapped by gnomes!" Dipper said, looking back at him. "That was Mabel!"
"Wait, what?" Ryland questioned. He looked back at Mabel herself in confusion, who tried to avoid his glance as she ran. "But you said it was him who got kidnapped!"
"Is this really the right time to be talking about all this?" Mabel asked awkwardly as they kept running.
"I don't know. I wouldn't mind seeing this conversation keep going," Derrick chimed in, entertained by the unraveling of Mabel's apparent lies.
"And I wouldn't mind seeing you become dragon food," Mabel struck back.
"Speaking of dragons..." Dipper said, pointing above. The dragon soared into plain view of the sky. They were running through trees and weren't in an open enough space, so the dragon couldn't accurately target them.
"Mabel, maybe you can use your dragon-taming skills and we can turn that dragon on them!" Ryland suggested.
"Uhhhh, well…" Mabel stuttered, trying to think of how to reply.
"Dragon-taming skills?" Dipper questioned suspiciously. "Since when?! This is the first time we've ever seen a dragon!"
"I thought you used a dragon to defeat these guys the first time you fought them!" Ryland told him.
"A dragon?" Dipper repeated, raising an eyebrow. "No! We used a leaf blower!"
"A leaf blower?" Ryland repeated, turning toward Mabel suspiciously.
"Mabel, what the hell have you been telling this guy?" Dipped asked as she turned back toward her. But Mabel looked incredibly stressed and didn't even have a means of trying to respond, knowing the hole she had dug herself into.
As he kept running, Dipper looked ahead and gasped. The four stopped in their tracks as they came face to face with a cliffside. Stuck at a dead end, they began to look at their surroundings.
"What happened?!" Derrick asked. "I thought we were running in the direction we came from?!"
"We must've taken a wrong turn on our way back," Dipper assumed. "C'mon, let's run back!"
The four took a few steps back but were stopped as the dragon landed right in front of them and roared loudly. Out of the surrounding woods came waves of Timberland Gnomes, pointing their bows and spears at the four as they marched toward them. Coming right behind the dragon was Thomas the Great who had his own weapon: a pine cone trident. He aimed it directly at the four, who were surrounded once again.
"It's over!" Thomas the Great declared. "You four have nowhere left to run! We have you cornered! Now you will meet your end!"
"Is it too late to apologize for not believing?" Derrick asked him, shrugging his arms up awkwardly with a fake smile.
"Far too late, human," Thomas the Great answered.
"Worth a shot," Derrick replied.
"Now, Holy Guardian of the Gnomes, burn these insufferable humans!" Thomas the Great commanded.
The dragon roared once more in response. The four grouped up again once another and prepared for their upcoming fate.
"So let me get this straight," Ryland began as he looked over at Mabel. "You have absolutely no idea how to tame dragons and everything you told me today was made-up?"
"Not everything," Mabel corrected. "My name is still Mabel. Heheh..."
She laughed awkwardly as she looked back at him, but he just looked unamused, though not particularly angry either. She looked away, knowing well that it probably wasn't the right moment to crack jokes.
"So this is it?" Derrick asked. "Is this seriously how it ends?"
"I guess so," Dipper replied calmly. "Goodbye, Mabel. I couldn't have asked for a better sister."
"And I couldn't have asked for a better brother," Mabel tenderly returned. "And for what it's worth, I'd hug you right now if you didn't reek of sweat from all the running."
Derrick looked at Dipper and sighed. "Well man, if this is the end, then I wanna say thanks for being an awesome friend while it lasted. Sorry for not believing you about all this Gravity Falls weirdness, though."
Dipper smiled. "Hey, it's cool man." His smile suddenly turned into a frown. "But I'm still not gonna let go of how stupid you were today."
"I mean, we're about to die, so that's all cool with me," Derrick replied. He looked over at Mabel and grinned. "And Sparkles, I don't think you're all that bad."
"I hate you," Mabel replied immediately, not even making eye contact with him.
"Yeah, I hate you too," Derrick corrected. "I was just trying to make this an effective last moment for all of us, but if you're gonna be that way then I guess it's not worth it."
"Well, I kind of just met all of you," Ryland finally entered in on the goodbyes. "But, you know, it's been kinda fun... I guess..."
"Wow. What a touching moment this is! It's making me so emotional!" Thomas the Great said tearfully with folded hands as he looked upon the four. However, he immediately reverted back to his sinister look and grabbed his trident again, turning back toward the dragon. "Now that it's over, BURN THEM!"
The dragon began to inhale once more, building up its fire breath. The group huddled close together once more. Everyone but Dipper shut their eyes in preparation for their fate, while Dipper just watched.
"ATTAAAAAACK!" a voice suddenly boomed.
At that moment, a giant net was thrown from the top of the cliff and caught the dragon. The dragon shrieked and roared, trying to free itself from the thick net, but ended up falling over on its side, trapping itself even further in its entanglement.
Mabel, Derrick, and Ryland opened their eyes to watch as blue-sleeved gnomes came soaring down from above to tackle the red-sleeved Timberland Gnomes. More blue-sleeved gnomes ambushed them from behind within the trees as well. The red-sleeved gnomes and blue-sleeved gnomes clashed together in multiple different fights. The blue-sleeved gnomes clearly caught the red-sleeved gnomes off guard and were able to prosper in the ongoing battle.
A single familiar gnome hopped down in front of Thomas the Great, causing him to gasp.
"Well, lookie here," the gnome said boastfully as he stood before Thomas. "If it isn't Thomas the Great, leader of the Timberland Gnomes."
"Jeff! I should've known these humans were leading us into your trap!" Thomas the Great scolded, clenching his fist.
"Even with their help, I feel like your stupidity might've played the biggest role in the fall of your Timberland Gnomes and your defeat in the second Great Gnome War!" Jeff the Gnome replied with a smug look on his face.
"Defeat? I haven't been defeated yet, you clueless barbarian. My Timberland Gnomes are… uh…"
Thomas stopped as he looked around at all his gnomes, each one having been defeated by one of Jeff's gnomes.
"…all beaten by my Woodland Gnomes," Jeff completed. "Face it, Thomas. You're finished! Now surrender your territory!"
Thomas the Great glanced around at his fallen faction sadly before fiercely turning toward Jeff, pointing his pinecone trident at him. "I won't go down without a fight!"
Jeff immediately placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled. On cue, his army of Woodland Gnomes surrounded Thomas the Great, pointing their own pine cone spears at him. Heavily outnumbered, Thomas unenthusiastically dropped his trident.
"Alright, Jeff..." Thomas submitted, raising his arms up in defeat. "I surrender the Timberland territory back to you. The Woodland Gnomes are victorious."
"That's right!" Jeff celebrated. "We did it, boys! The forest is ours again!"
"Shmebulock!" Shmebulock cheered as the Woodland Gnomes raised their spears and celebrated their victory.
Having witnessed the whole event unfold, Dipper, Mabel, Derrick, and Ryland finally got up from their former position. Mabel, Derrick, and Ryland all exchanged confused looks with one another while Dipper walked up to Jeff.
Jeff turned around to Dipper and instantly recognized him. He smiled and offered his hand to shake. "Ah-hah, my old friend! Thanks for your help!"
"Yeah, man," Dipper said as he shook Jeff's hand. "So does this mean your war is over?"
"Yep! Although there's gonna be a lot of cleaning up these next few days. It's going to be a busy few weeks to shape up the Gnome Union again. Especially with the monarchy out the window," Jeff explained as he watched his Woodland Gnomes take Thomas and the defeated Timberland Gnomes as prisoners. "Yep, there's probably gonna be an election for gnome president soon, and trust me when I say gnome politics are the worst."
"I guess you won't be running then?" Dipper assumed.
"Oh no, I'm totally running," Jeff clarified. "Another opportunity to run and control the whole colony again at the cost of filling out paperwork and taking pictures of me kissing babies? Only a small price to pay!"
"EH-HEM!" Mabel intervened. Dipper and Jeff turned toward her, Ryland, and Derrick, who all looked equally confused. "I hate to interrupt, but do you wanna explain what the heck just happened?!"
"Mabel Pines..." Jeff called out flirtatiously, taking off his hat and brushing his hand over his hair. "It's been a while. You've certainly grown too."
"Ew. Still not happening, shortcake," Mabel cut off, crossing her arms in disgust. She looked at Dipper. "So what happened? You planned all of this?"
"It's a bit of a long story," Dipper said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Earlier today when I was showing Derrick around the town, I snuck away and met up with Jeff for a bit, who filled me in on this civil war that's been going on between the gnomes."
"So that moment when you had to take a thirty-minute bathroom break, you were actually outside in the woods talking politics with a gnome?" Derrick asked, recalling the event earlier in the day.
"I guess you could put it that way," Dipper admitted, shrugging. "Anyways, I met up with Jeff because I needed a big way to convince Derrick of the weirdness of Gravity Falls. I knew Derrick was too stubborn and wouldn't give in if I had just shown him a gnome. For example, calling them little people with beards…"
Jeff shook his head disapprovingly at Derrick. "You know how many hit lists you may have just gotten yourself on for saying that? You better watch your mouth around these parts." Derrick rubbed the back of his head awkwardly in response.
"So after that, Jeff pointed me toward the Timberland Gnomes and we came up with a plan that would connect my goal of convincing Derrick to his goal of defeating the Thomas and the Timberlands. So I put on a bit of a facade when we got back to the Shack and led you guys to the Timberland's territory to purposefully aggravate them," Dipper continued to explain.
"And when we were running back and you said we missed a turn, it was actually you purposefully leading us into Jeff's planned trap!" Ryland connected, realizing Dipper's plan.
"You got it," Dipper nodded at him.
"Wow. So you really did put all of this together just to give me a scare by having a dragon almost burn me alive," Derrick said, in somewhat disbelief. "That's hardcore."
"Actually, I had genuinely no idea about the dragon," Dipper clarified. "That part was completely unplanned. You actually could've died back there."
Derrick stood stunned for a moment and didn't know how to respond now that he knew that the moment they were discussing truly was the result of his own stupidity. "Well, that's just... wow..."
"Yeah... but everything else was planned out," Dipper assured.
"But wait, weren't you also in on all of the goodbyes when we thought we were going to die just a minute ago?" Ryland added.
"I faked it," Dipper answered, smiling. "Plus, it bought us a bit more time for Jeff and his gnomes to show up."
"So you didn't mean it when you said you couldn't have asked for a better sister?" Mabel asked, folding her arms suspiciously.
"Of course I meant it," Dipper reassured her with a chuckle. "I just thought you knew that already."
"Aww, you," Mabel said as she lovingly punched him in the arm.
"Anyways, now that the war is over, I reign supreme again!" Jeff cheered. "For defeating Thomas, I now own the name Sir Jeff the Great! I shall have a statue built in my honor. But first, I command a celebratory squirrel bath!" He then looked back at the teens. "And I'm happy to supply you four with one too for your assistance."
"No thanks," Dipper shook his head.
"I'm good," Mabel replied with disgust.
"Not a chance," Derrick denied.
"I'd rather not," Ryland said.
The sun was setting and dusk was nearing as Dipper, Mabel, Derrick, and Ryland found themselves finally returning to the Mystery Shack after a long day. They were all still exhausted from the ample amount of walking and running they had accomplished. Dipper leaned himself against Soos' pickup truck and let out an exhausted sigh.
"Well, that was a fun experience," Mabel stated in an enthusiastic, yet equally sarcastic tone.
"Just like old times, huh?" Dipper agreed with a smile, feeling oddly nostalgic after the day's events.
"I'm kinda stuck in the middle of thinking the whole thing was awesome and just being traumatized," Ryland admitted.
"Speak for yourself. I nearly got myself burnt alive. I'm nothing but traumatized," Derrick told him.
"Look on the bright side," Mabel began cheerfully. "At least you finally acknowledge how stupid you are."
"Ha-ha," Derrick sarcastically laughed as he began to walk away from the Shack. "I'm gonna head back to my place and cry myself asleep. I'll catch you all later."
"See you around, Derrick," Dipper waved as he yawned. He stretched his legs out slightly before walking over toward the porch of the Mystery Shack. "Well, my legs are destroyed so I'm gonna head inside and lie down before I lose the ability to stand."
"Alright, Noodle Legs," Mabel jabbed.
Dipper opened the door and went inside, leaving her alone with Ryland outside. She glanced over at him and caught him trying to sneak a glance at her. She knew he was thinking about what had happened earlier and how she had lied to him. Looking back, she felt regretful for lying at all in the first place. She knew Wendy was right and that she should've just told the truth from the beginning. Rather than simply telling Ryland some of her flawed past experiences, she lied to his face and unraveled an even greater flaw directly in front of him. And all of it could've been avoided in the first place.
"So, uh…" Mabel started, finally breaking the silence.
"So, uh…" Ryland repeated.
"Look, Ryland," she began. "I'm really sorry for lying to you about knowing how to tame dragons and changing the original story about the gnomes."
"So, what was the original story?" Ryland asked, showing genuine curiosity.
Mabel hesitated to answer at first but decided against herself. "When I was twelve, I was going through a bit of a boy-crazy phase and was constantly trying to chase a summer romance. I met a guy named Norman at the beginning of that summer, and I pretty much immediately started dating him. After a little while, it turned out Norman was actually a bunch of gnomes who were just looking for a queen, and when I said no, they... kidnapped me."
"So... basically what you said had happened to Dipper actually happened to you?" Ryland asked, leaning against Soos' pickup.
"Pretty much," Mabel nodded. "Dipper's actually the one who saved me and even warned me in the first place that Norman was suspicious, although he was wrong when he thought Norman was a zombie. But I pushed him away and got myself into a mess I could've avoided had I listened to him."
"And you guys really beat the gnomes with a leaf blower instead of a dragon?" Ryland asked, to which Mabel simply nodded in response. He looked to the side with an unchanged blank expression on his face, not really sure what to make of things. He then looked back at her. "Why would you lie to me about all this?"
Mabel sighed. "I don't know. I guess I was scared you might judge me. That all this would make you think I'm some terrible, flawed girl who can't do anything right."
"What?" Ryland chuckled. "Mabel, you were twelve. Why would you think I'd judge you based on something that happened when you were a kid? You know what happened when I was a kid?" He rolled up his right sleeve again and unveiled the BMX scar he had shown her earlier. "I got this when I was twelve. Yet you praised me earlier today when I pulled off the same trick that got me this in the first place."
Mabel looked on at the scar and understood what he meant. He rolled up his sleeve and smiled at her.
"We're not perfect when we're young, Mabel. And even though we get better as we get older, that doesn't mean we should be ashamed of our pasts," Ryland told her. "If anything, it's something to look back and laugh about. Like what an idiot I was to get that frickin' huge scar in the first place!"
The two started laughing together. Mabel looked at Ryland as she laughed and noticed that he was genuinely humored by his past. She thought about her past again and smiled.
"Yeah, or how stupid I was to have gone out with a bunch of gnomes!" she said as she burst out laughing. Ryland burst out laughing again along with her.
"See?" Ryland said as he calmed himself down. "We're both laughing at ourselves."
"Yeah," Mabel agreed as her face displayed guilt once again. "I just feel so bad for lying to you."
Ryland shrugged carelessly with a calm smile. "Don't stress it. It's whatever."
Mabel glanced to the side hesitantly before looking up at him. "So what now?"
"Well, my shift's over, but I don't know. Going home sounds a bit too tame for me right now after everything we've gone through today," Ryland told her.
"Yeah, me too," Mabel agreed. "I'm also starving, but I'm also feeling too picky to eat microwaved frozen food, which is about all we eat at the Shack. For some reason, I'm craving movie theater popcorn. And a series binge of Ducktective."
"Ducktective, eh?" Ryland asked with a smirk. "Didn't they just release the new movie 'The Constable Strikes Back' yesterday?"
"The sequel to 'A New Quack'? Yes!" Mabel exclaimed excitedly. "I would've LOVED to have seen it last night if we didn't get here so late."
"We could go check it out now if you want," Ryland casually offered, glancing down at his phone. "It's only six o'clock and the next showing is in forty-five minutes."
Mabel felt as though her heart skipped a beat as she processed the question. Though she didn't take it as him asking her on a date or anything like that, the fact he had continued to offer her acceptance and friendship despite what she had done that day was enough to make her melt inside. Despite her reddening face and dreamy smile, she tried her best to keep her composure.
"I'd love to."
Ryland smiled warmly back at her as the two began to walk down the path that led outside the Shack's lot and would take them into town. The sun soon began to disappear into the night, allowing the full moon to shine brightly among the shimmering stars that spawned out among the night sky.
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(Chapter updated as of December 6, 2022)