"Radioactive what?!" Roxanne laughed so hard it hurt.
"Chimpanzees!" repeated Megamind. "With glitter cannons!"
Olivia had been put to bed, and Megamind, Roxanne, and Minion were enjoying one of their favorite games. The blue hero had picked out a truly terrible B Horror Movie, complete with hilariously bad effects and comically overblown acting, and they were watching it on mute, providing their own dialogue. Points were awarded for every time one of them made the others laugh out loud, although honestly, they usually became too involved in the simple enjoyment of the moment to remember who was winning. Roxanne had grown fairly good at it over the few weeks she had lived at the Lair, but she was still not yet a match for the other two. Thanks to long practice, the former villain and his aquatic sidekick were masters, even managing to sync their "voice-overs" with the characters' actions and mouth movements more often than not. Not to mention the fact that they were both stomach-achingly funny.
Which was how a supposedly serious discussion between two cop characters and a buxom blonde had just been transformed into a tirade about the aforementioned radioactive primates armed with…
"Weapons of mass bedazzlement!" gasped Minion in mock terror. "Oh, no, we'll never get rid of it all! The carpets of the entire nation are doomed!"
"I'm afraid so," Megamind was fighting to keep his tone serious. "And once glitter is released on society, it will keep spreading and spreading… Years from now, we'll still be finding little sparkly bits and wondering: where on earth did this come from?!"
The blonde started speaking, and Roxanne thought fast. "Say it's not so! Not the… HERPES OF THE CRAFT WORLD!"
Megamind choked on a swallow of craft beer. An entire crate of top quality brews had recently arrived at his fan mailbox—much to the dismay of the postal workers— along with a note explaining that it was a gift from the owner of The Chrononaut.
"The herpes of… Oh, God, that is classic!" the blue hero cackled. "It's funny because it's true! That's got to be worth at least ten points!"
They were all nearly rolling with mirth when Megamind's cellphone rang.
Heavy Metal is the Law started playing, and the hero quickly cleared his throat and motioned for silence before he answered. "Ollo? Simmons?" his smile faded and his entire posture became like stone. "Suspicious object? It's got a what? No! Don't let anyone touch it! Listen, Simmons, we've got to get people away from there without raising an alarm. Yes, I'm serious! I have an idea, but I'll need your help, and, well, I'm going to be honest, Simmons, strictly speaking, it's not entirely legal. No, I'm not joking! Listen, Simmons, we just got some intelligence, and I've got reason to believe that could be a bomb! Uh-huh… Alright, I'm going to make a phone call to an old associate. All I need you to do is to guarantee that the people I ask to get involved don't get arrested. I know it sounds crazy, but they're not going to do anything too bad… Just cause a scene so that you have an excuse to clear the area. Do you understand? Good. I'll be there in fifteen minutes." He clicked off of the call, immediately leaping up and motioning for the brainbots to fetch his battle attire. "Suit up," he told Roxanne and Minion, leaping to his feet. "Possible bomb at Metrocity Museum of History uptown! The maintenance crew found a book bag wired into one of the circuit breakers. Never would have noticed it if there hadn't been an issue with the heat in that building. And there's an event tonight celebrating the opening of a new exposition of Classical Greek art!"
"And who are these other people you're asking to get involved?" Roxanne asked as they reached the workroom.
Megamind grinned. "Someone who is vital to my plan and really, really wants to get back into the Criminal Mastermind's good graces." He dialed another number and turned his phone onto speaker. A brainbot held it for him while others dressed him.
"DeLeon," the blue man said when a male voice answered. "I informed you at our last meeting that you and the Dragons would have to prove your renewed loyalty. I've got a job for you. I need your help saving the city."
There was a pause. "You shitting me, Mastermind?" the voice on the phone finally asked.
Megamind rolled his eyes. "No," he said for the second time that night. "I am not joking."