Erin felt distinctly underdressed as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She hated lying to David about where she was going, but there was no way that he would understand what was going on. Even though their own relationship, back when it was still the BSU, had started in much the same way. Still, she found herself compelled to take these meetings for what they were worth, because it felt like a sort of absolution for her past deeds. Letting out another sigh, she pulled the hood of her jacket up over her hair as she left her bathroom and jogged down to the garage, picking up her keys and phone before heading out to the garage.
It didn't take long to get to Alex's house, and she made certain to park in such a way that her car wouldn't be seen from the road, just in case someone she knew saw her vehicle there and asked about it in front of David or James. She knew that they couldn't afford to get caught, not when both of their lives would implode with the revelation. Making certain her hood was pulled low over her face just in case someone saw her enter the house, Erin slipped out of her car and crept over to the side door of the garage, using her key to let herself in. She spared a pained glance for the spot where James's car usually sat, and let out a soft sigh as she stepped into the house, pushing the hood back from her head as she made her way up to the master bedroom, knowing that would be where Alex was.
Pushing open the door, Erin tried to push aside the feeling of guilt as she entered, unzipping her jacket and slipping it off her shoulders, folding it as she approached the dresser, setting it there as she continued to strip off her clothes, folding them neatly, until she was completely nude. Turning to look at the bed, she saw that Alex was stretched out there, waiting for her. "Did you take a shower before you came over?" Alex asked as Erin came over to her side, taking a seat on the bed and nodding slowly. "Good. James asked about the perfume after our last tryst."
"That's the perfume you bought for me, though."
"I know, Erin, but he's suspicious, and we can ill afford to have him asking questions. Next time, we could always meet at a hotel?"
She shook her head vehemently. "No, Alex. That would make this, whatever it is, seem tawdry and cheap. That's something I don't think of when I think of you." Reaching out, she caressed Alex's face softly. They both usually shied away from tender touches, since that would lend a more legitimate feeling to this relationship, and neither wanted to admit that they had feelings deeper than sating their lust. "How long do we have today?"
"He left thirty minutes ago, so we have as long as you want to stay here. Was Dave expecting you today?"
"No, he went out to his cabin for the weekend, and I don't like being there, since he indulges in cigars and scotch while there. I can't tempt myself like that." Alex nodded before leaning in and kissing her softly. Erin didn't know if she loved or hated these sweet kisses, since they made her feel more conflicted about what she was doing with Alex. "Please," she whispered as she held up her wrist, and Alex nodded, kissing the infinity scar that marred her skin there.
"Come here," Alex commanded, and Erin nodded as she shifted her position on the bed, stretching out alongside Alex as they started to kiss once more, giving herself over to the pleasure that only Alex knew how to bring out in her. Unsurprisingly, she started to weep once they were finished making love, and Alex bundled her close, running her fingers through her hair as Erin allowed the exhaustion she was feeling to consume her mind as she drifted off to sleep.
The next thing she knew, a door was slamming shut downstairs, and Erin sat up with a start, tugging the sheet close to her chest as she allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. Glancing over at the bedside clock, she saw that it was after nine, and they had slept for a good seven hours. Alex was still asleep, and she reached out to shake her awake. "Lexie, we fell asleep. James is home. What am I going to do?"
Before Alex could respond, Erin heard feet pounding up the stairs, and she let out a squeak of terror as she slipped off the bed and tried to hide herself beneath the piece of furniture, knowing that it was a ridiculous reaction. Still, she wasn't ready to have this confrontation, and she started to hyperventilate, knowing that she was very close to a panic attack as she tried to think of a way out of the current situation. Thankfully, as she listened, James's footsteps passed by the master bedroom, and a minute later, she heard the shower turn on.
"All right, he'll be in the shower for about thirty minutes. Gather up your clothes, head to the guest bedroom, and I'll be in there shortly with a nightgown for you to wear. I'll tell James that we got to talking and you didn't feel well, so decided to spend the night. I don't know why he's home early, his shift should have lasted three more hours, but everything will be all right." Alex's head popped over the side of the bed to gaze at her, and Erin felt her breath stolen away by the tenderness in her open expression. Again, there was something akin to the feelings that they refused to talk about when they made love reflected there, and Erin gave her a weak smile as she shakily rose to her feet, grabbed her pile of clothes, and scurried across the hall to the guest room, setting her clothes on that dresser before heading over to the smaller bed and collapsing onto it, pulling her legs up to her chest as she fought back the sobs that threatened to shake her body.
Just as her control was about to snap, the door opened, and Alex snuck in, a worried smile on her lips. "Let me guess, shorts and a tank top?"
"It's all that I wear to bed. I'm not a pretty princess like you, Erin." Alex rolled her eyes a little as she came over to her side and handed her the pyjamas, which Erin hurriedly put on, noticing that Alex had also slipped into pyjamas before joining her. "Scoot over, I need room."
"Room for what?" she asked, confusion clouding her voice.
"For this to work. Trust me, Erin."
"I do. You know that I do, and you know that I would ruin myself a million times over for you." Alex caressed her face as she pursed her lips, and Erin knew in that moment that she had said too much. Sighing heavily, she scooted over to the other side of the bed, watching as Alex pulled the covers up around her waist before taking a seat on top of them. "All right, now what?"
"Now you're going to put your head in my lap, I'm going stroke your hair, and when James comes in here, he's going to find us asleep. He'll wake me, I'll tell him you were feeling ill, and I wanted to comfort you. Then I'll follow him into the bedroom and we'll sleep there. In the morning, you can decide if you feel better, or if you want to stay and have me take care of you for the day."
"It's so easy for you to make up a story," Erin whispered as she contorted her body to put her head in Alex's lap, sighing a little as she did start to drag her fingers through Erin's hair, the movements relaxing her immensely. "What are we doing?"
"Right now, I'm taking care of you," Alex replied, and Erin knew from the tone of her voice that there would be no more conversation in that vein, not while James was in the house. Nodding a little, Erin started to hum below her breath as she started to fall back asleep, lulled by the combination of Alex's hand and her own humming. Vaguely, she heard the door to the guest room creak open, and she fought to keep her body relaxed, like she really was asleep, as James tiptoed over to the bed.
"Is everything all right?" he whispered as the bed dipped beneath his weight. Erin tried not to react when his hand came to rest on her shoulder, though she was surprised at the tender touch.
"We were having a girl's afternoon, talking about things that were happening in our lives, when she suddenly took ill. I think it's just a passing stomach bug, but I didn't want to send her home and have her be alone if it's something more serious. Dave's up hunting at his cabin this weekend, and her children are staying with their father for the summer." There was a small pause, and she heard James and Alex kiss quietly. "I just never thought I would have this opportunity to reconnect with her, since John really did a number on her system. I love her, James, and I am loathe to give up any time with her that I can steal between our jobs."
"I understand, Lex. Come to bed soon?"
"I'll be there in a few minutes." The bed shifted again as James stood up, and then Erin listened to him walk across the room before the door closed softly. "That was close. I'll see you in the morning."
"Yes."" Erin opened her eyes so that she could look up into Alex's face. "I love you, too," she murmured, giving Alex a soft smile as she slipped off her lap and buried her head in the pillow instead, instantly missing the warmth of her lover's body. Before Alex got up, however, she leaned over and kissed Erin deeply, a passionate kiss that left her breathless and close to tears once more.
And then, Alex was gone, heading across the hall to her husband as she closed the door behind her, shutting Erin inside a room that was not hers, a room that reminded her too much of Alex and the fact that mere hours ago they were making love in the same bed that she would be laying down to sleep with her husband in. Letting out a little groan of frustration and sorrow, Erin picked up the extra pillow and hugged it tightly to her chest as she curled herself around it, finding sleep all too easy for her to fall into.
"Are you feeling any better, Erin?"
She blinked a few times as she tried to remember where she was and why she was hearing a familiar voice. Then things shifted into place as she focused on James's face, giving him a small nod. "Good. I just wanted to check on you before I left for work today. I was asked to cover another doctor's shift, which was why I came home early last night. Do you need me to get you any aspirin or water before I head out? Alex is still sleeping, since it's only a little past five."
Erin hated how nice he was being, so she shook her head a little as she frowned, pulling the covers up a little higher around her shoulders. "I'll be fine. Thank you, though." He nodded before patting her shoulder and getting to his feet, a small smile on his lips as he turned and left her alone once more. Once he was gone, Erin found that she was no longer tired, and she sat up and stretched before heading to the bathroom and taking care of her needs before heading back to the guest room and pulling her cellphone to see if she had any important notifications. There were a few calls from David, along with a text and voice message, and she unlocked her phone before listening to the voicemail, smiling sadly to hear that he missed speaking with her the previous evening, and asking her to call at her earliest convenience.
Knowing that it was too early to give him that call, she instead texted him back, telling him that she had spent the night at a friend's house, and stayed up too late into the night talking. Then she let him know that she was just up to run to the bathroom before trying to get back to sleep before slipping the phone back into her jacket pocket and going back over to the bed, stretching out on it as she stared up at the ceiling. As soon as she heard a car leave the driveway, she turned her head to look at the door, knowing that Alex would soon be joining her. Her instincts were good, as not three minutes later, the door was swinging open and Alex crept inside, giving her a small smirk when she noticed that Erin was awake.
"I'm not tired, and I know that this is going to fuck up my sleep tonight."
"Mine, too," Erin replied as she scooted over, making room for her lover on the bed. "James came in to check on me before he left. I hate lying like this. I hate lying to them both. But I love you both so much, and I selfishly don't want to give either you or David up. Which means I'll lose you both, in the end."
Alex shook her head as she settled in next to Erin, reaching up a hand to stroke Erin's hair lightly as she drew in a deep breath. "I'm in the same spot as you. I love you both, and I didn't mean for things to get this complicated. I thought that sleeping with you would be a one time thing. James would have understood that, he knows how strong feelings can lead to great passion, but he expects that passion to burn itself out just as quickly as it started. He doesn't know…"
"That this isn't the first time we've been lovers?" Alex shook her head. "Did you at least tell him about our time together at the Academy?"
"How could I? We both knew that we had to keep that a secret because of our families." Erin nodded as she slung her arm around Alex's waist, holding her close as her hand slipped up and down her back. "And he would be furious with me if he knew that we were sleeping together in the bunker during the Amerithrax case." Alex leaned in and kissed her, a sweet kiss that filled Erin with so many feelings that she started to cry a little as she allowed Alex to deepen the kiss as their tears mingled on their lips.
"What are we going to do?"
Alex shrugged as she fitted a leg between Erin's legs, entwining them together as she hooked her chin over Erin's shoulder. "I don't know, because at this point I can't see myself giving up either of you. You each fill a different role in my life. But if I had to choose, I think that it would be you. I keep coming back to you, no matter who we're with. It's like we're drawn together for some reason that I cannot begin to fathom."
"It's like we have a secret language that I can't speak with anyone else but you. David's noticed that there are times when I react differently to his touches, that I ask him to do things in our bed that you instinctively know I want. I keep telling him that tastes change over time, but there's going to come a point where he doesn't believe that any longer. You both saved me from John, in different ways, and that's bound me to you in ways that I don't think that I can extricate myself from very easily, if at all. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't survived his attack? That way I wouldn't be a homewrecker in two relationships."
"Oh, Erin," Alex breathed out as she pulled her head back to look into her eyes. "Never say that. I was so lucky that you didn't die. Because I wouldn't have been able to tell you that I did forgive you, that I did accept your amends. The guilt would have eaten me alive." Once more, Alex kissed her, keeping the embrace more like an act of holy supplication than one filled with lust, and Erin melted against her as she let out a deep sigh before shrugging. "I don't want this to destroy you, which means, I guess, that we have some difficult choices to make. But can we have one more weekend together where we don't think about tomorrows and instead focus on the now?"
Erin nodded as she rested her forehead against Alex's, breathing in her scent. "I think that we can be careful for one more weekend. And we still have today to make ours, even if it will be rather difficult to shut out the world, since James…" Alex stopped her words with a gentle finger against her lips. Taking the hint, Erin nodded as she snuggled closer to Alex, letting her cheek come to rest on her chest so that she could listen to the comforting sound of her heart beating as a delicate, fragile, quiet settled down around them. Still, she had the feeling that come what may, they were going to be together, and she knew that somehow, that would have to be enough.