When spending the last four years of his life sleeping on a boat, Stan had gotten used to sleeping on wobbling wooden decks, even conquering the feelings of seasickness after the first few weeks of their voyage. After all this time, perhaps the one thing he didn't know he missed most was the comfort of a normal bed.
No wobbling or swaying. No uncomfortable feeling of laying directly on top of a wooden deck. No imminent feelings of seasickness.
Just a normal, comfy bed that he could let himself sink into and fall asleep in within seconds. If there was anything he could've missed more than Dipper and Mabel again, it was that.
Hell, he would've admitted it. He missed sleeping in a good bed just a tiny bit more than he missed the kids. But he'd wonder if anyone could really blame him after all he had been through. He's earned this rest, has he not?
CRASH!
That ended it though. This loud noise of metal thrashing immediately drew Stan awake with a jolt. He glanced around frantically as he blankly wondered what was happening. He quickly realized his vision wasn't exactly suitable at that moment and reached over for his glasses to the side. He placed them on and quickly looked around yet again.
RRRRRRRRR!
Stan looked in the direction of the whirring noise and caught sight of his own brother working a power saw of some sort at a desk. He wore a welding mask as sparks and little chips flew from what he was sawing.
Curiosity over Ford's doings was the last thing that Stan felt at that moment, however. He narrowed his eyes at his brother.
"FORD!" he shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth. "FORD!"
As the power saw kept running, Ford turned his head in Stan's direction. He smiled and waved a hand up before promptly shutting off the saw. "Morning, Stanley!"
"What the hell are you doing up already?" Stan asked as he sat in bed. "And why are you causing such a ruckus?"
"What do you mean? I've been up for hours and you seemed to sleep just fine through my business," Ford told him.
"Oh... But why? Why so early?" Stan asked.
"I'm cleaning up the lab," Ford said as turned back to the table and brushed off the top of the desk. "Reorganizing and tidying up everything. Figured it needed to get done and I had decided I wasn't very tired, so I got up early and got to work. Perhaps you might not agree with my timing, but at least I've done most of the work for us."
"Well, in the end, it's more your lab than mine," Stan said as he scratched his back. "But hey, who am I to complain about doing less work?"
"That's one way to look at it," Ford said as he took his visor off and placed it down on the desk, walking over to him. "Anywho, how'd you sleep?"
"Great actually, until you woke me up with your ear-grating power saw."
"Good to hear…" Ford said as he gave Stan a hesitant look. "Did you see him at all?"
"Yeah, I did actually," Stan nodded.
"What?!" Ford asked, eyes widening with fear. "Really?!"
"Yeah and he was annoying," Stan said, narrowing his eyes. "Even in my dreams, Shermie still beats me at poker. I even cheated and he still beat me! Gah, how does he do it?"
Ford frowned and stared at Stan annoyedly. He had no idea where Stan got Shermie from his implication, given the current circumstances. Stan noticed Ford's look and raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
Ford quickly gave him a slap across the face with one of his gloves, which gave Stan a slight sting. "Not Sherman, you knucklehead! Bill! Did you see Bill?"
"Geez, you coulda just said so," Stan said as he rubbed the side of his face. "No, I didn't. Thankfully too, because he's the one thing more annoying than Shermie's poker skills."
"Well, good. Perhaps the Stabrainilizer was effective in keeping Bill locked down last night."
"The Stabra-who?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
"On your head, Stanley…" Ford pointed out to him on his head. "Remember? The device to keep your mind stabilized while you sleep? Don't tell me Bill's short-term memory effects are still in play here…"
Stan looked up and finally noticed the device, which he couldn't believe took him this long to notice. It was a metal helmet of some sort with several large protruding wires linked up to a machine located right behind him. The machine displayed a monitor that seemed to show brain activity or brain waves. It was at that moment that Stan had woken up enough to actually recall this helmet.
"No, no, I remember now," Stan assured as he placed his hands on the helmet and took it off, putting it to the side. "Cut me some slack, Poindexter. I just woke up here. Of course I ain't thinking straight yet. You gotta give a man like me about an hour after waking up."
"An hour, Stanley?"
"What? I haven't even eaten breakfast yet!" Stan defended once he caught the look in Ford's eyes.
"Neither have I and you don't see me complaining," Ford told him.
"Well, growing up, I remember being told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Doesn't it help nerds like you get your brains working faster or something?" Stan questioned as he stood up from the bed.
"I've been through enough dimensions to disprove that claim with scientific means," Ford said as he began walking away. "Besides, we have plenty of work that we need to…"
"Oh, get the hell out of here with your interdimensional bullcrap," Stan said annoyedly as he grabbed a hold of his brother's arm and began leading him toward the elevator. "Just get up there and make a damn omelette. We can worry about work after."
Ford sighed reluctantly as Stan pressed the elevator button. "Fine. I suppose we do have the whole day to work on figuring out how to defeat Bill. And it would probably be wise to not risk letting hunger get in the way."
"Now you're talking!" Stan said, patting his brother on the back as the elevator door opened and the two walked inside. "It's not like we've made plans or anything. Catching an early morning meal ain't gonna mess with us, is it?"
"I suppose not," Ford said as the elevator doors promptly closed.
"Honestly though, Stanley, I haven't made omelettes in over thirty years. Not sure it would be the safest idea if I made them."
"No worries. I can do them. Might have some of my hair in it, but…"
"Actually, now that I think about it, I think I'd prefer taking the risk preparing them myself."
"If you say so."
It was at that moment that the vending machine promptly flew open, letting out a small puff of smoke as it always did. The two brothers proceeded to take a few steps out from the secret room, to which they promptly froze upon suddenly getting showered with handfuls of confetti.
"SURPRISE!"
As the two brothers looked around, they quickly caught sight of the faces of Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Melody, Wendy, Ryland, and Abuelita, all smiling and standing surrounding them at the vendor. Right in front of them, Abuelita also held out a cake inside a box within her hands, with two candles in the center. As the confetti that they threw settled, the two smiled but remained somewhat confused about what was happening, considering they had already done all the reuniting the night before.
"What is this?" Ford asked with a light chuckle.
"We celebrating mornings now?" Stan asked, looking on at the cake.
Mabel quickly ran up to them and placed an arm around each of them, giving them a tight hug. "It's a welcome home cake for the best Grunkles in the world!"
"They actually didn't have a welcome home cake ready at the bakery so we just got a birthday cake instead," Dipper clarified, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
"But I mean, we found out that it was also your birthday recently, so I guess it still sorta applies," Mabel added as she led the two closer to the cake.
The two brothers read the cake and their smiles immediately disappeared once they saw what was written on it.
"'Happy Birthday Spoon and Fork?'" Stan read aloud in confusion.
"Uh, yeah... the Swedish baker may have gotten the names wrong," Soos said with an awkward chuckle as he fiddled his fingers around.
"Alright, I kinda get the mistake with Ford's name, but in what dimension does Stan sound like Spoon?" Stan asked.
"Actually, you'd be surprised-" Ford began.
"Don't start with me, smartass," Stan cut short, not wanting to hear more of Ford's dimensional talk.
"Who cares what's on the cake? It's all about the thought that counts, right?" Mabel asked as she stood beside it. "Plus, it's chocolate! Who doesn't like chocolate?"
"It's chocolate?" Ryland asked, shocked no one told him this information before. "What're we waiting for then? Let's blow out some candles and eat some cake!"
"Make a wish, you two!" Wendy said as she held a camera out and aimed it at the two.
Stan and Ford smiled again. They looked at one another before looking back at the candles. Their birthday was a few days ago, and it was by far one of the worst ones they had ever spent. However, to be properly making up for that day and celebrating it days later surrounded by true family and friends was an amazing feeling.
They took in deep breaths before blowing out the two candles, just as Wendy snapped a picture. Everyone around them promptly gave out light cheers and claps.
"So what'd you two wish for?" Dipper asked.
Stan let out a hearty chuckle as he rubbed the top of Dipper's head, pushing the top of his hat in. "What else is there to ask for?"
"Yeah. We've waited so long for this moment alone," Ford said as he looked around at everyone gratefully. "I'm just thrilled that it's finally here."
"Awww," Mabel said as he folded her hands together.
"We all are," Dipper nodded with a smile.
"Speaking of waiting for this moment, I have an announcement to make," Soos chimed in with a slightly nervous face. "It's something that we've been keeping secret for some time now, but I wanted to wait until Dipper, Mabel, and the Stan bros were all here in Gravity Falls so we could tell everyone at once."
"We?" Dipper questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," Melody said as she happily walked up beside Soos and placed an arm around him. "We."
"Melody and I are getting married, dudes!" Soos announced excitedly, just as Melody held her hand up to showcase a beautiful, shining diamond ring on her finger.
"WHAT?!" Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Ryland, and even Stan exclaimed in shock all at once.
"OH MY GODDDDD!" Mabel shrieked with a smile that she didn't think could get any wider.
"Yep! I proposed last summer and she said yes!" Soos added, blushing slightly.
"DUDE! That's awesome!" Dipper said happily for him. "Congratulations! Both of you!"
"Yeah! Congrats, you two!" Wendy also said excitedly.
"Congrats!" Ryland also nodded.
"Who woulda thought?" Stan said with slight disbelief, but also a proud smile.
"And because we've had this planned for a while now, we had already planned the ceremony for the end of July," Melody added as she looked up at Soos.
"It's all going down next month, dudes!" Soos happily revealed.
"A wedding?! NEXT MONTH?! OH MY GOD!" Mabel screamed as she rocked back and forth on the stool at the counter before promptly falling backward onto the floor.
"Oh boy. Here she goes..." Dipper said as he looked on at Mabel in preparation.
"What's her deal?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Mabel and I haven't ever been to a wedding before," Dipper confessed.
"Ehem! Waddles and Gompers?" Mabel corrected as she shot back up from the floor.
"Ehem! A REAL wedding!" Dipper counter-corrected. "Anyways, it's been, like, a lifelong dream of hers to go to one and even help plan one out at some point."
"Can you blame me?" Mabel asked as she placed her stool back up and sat back down. "As someone who's all about love and bringing people together, this is a moment that's long overdue."
"Well, as someone who has been married twi- I mean, once... and dragged into several family weddings as a child, I can say there's nothing to be excited about," Stan said grumpily as he folded his arms.
"Stanley!" Ford exclaimed as he nudged him in the arm, trying to prompt him not to be rude.
"Hey, don't act like you don't know it either!" Stan defended as he pointed at Ford. "Weddings are just overblown, uncomfortable family gatherings that you're dragged into just for being related to someone you dislike. You're forced to act happy and excited for the couple and are expected to kiss ass to someone you may not even respect just because it's 'their big day'. Honestly, to me, funerals have always been less depressing in comparison."
He then proceeded to look up at Soos and Melody, who both stood somewhat awkwardly as he ranted.
"No offense, you two," he clarified. "I'm really happy for the both of you, but those are just my two cents on weddings."
"No, I one-hundred-percent understand, Mr. Pines," Melody spoke up. "I've been dragged into plenty of family weddings myself and my family isn't particularly the most pleasant to be around during parties and large events. So I can totally understand how miserable weddings can be."
"But we promise you, Mr. Pines. You can put behind every other wedding experience you've had before because Melody and I are gonna get this one r-r-right," Soos assured Stan as he wrapped his arm around Melody's neck.
"Not encouraging. But hopeful," Stan shrugged.
"Ah, for Pete's sake, Stan. Show some respect, won't ya?" Ford said as he walked up to Soos and Melody. He proceeded to then shake both of their hands, one by one. "Congratulations to the both of you. Marriage is a very defining moment in the lives of a happy couple, and you two should be very fortunate for finding a bond worth sealing for a lifetime in one another."
"Gee, thanks, Mr. Pines Number Two," Soos said gratefully.
"Uh... just call me Ford, son," Ford clarified as he placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Heh, okay," Soos said with a thumbs-up before turning back to everyone else. "But seriously guys. Thank you all. It's been a struggle holding onto this secret for so long, but I'm happy to finally let you know that I'm bringing Melody into the Ramirez family."
"Aye, Soos. I'm so proud of you for taking such a big step as a man," Abuelita said as she placed her hand on Soos' back before looking over at Melody. "Melody is a wonderful woman, and I couldn't be happier for the both of you."
"Thanks, Abuelita," Soos said as he hugged her.
"Yeah, thank you so much," Melody said as Abuelita walked over to her. "I know you hold Soos close, and I'm happy to have your blessing."
"Of course, querido," Abuelita said with a warm smile as she placed her hands among one of hers. "Just know that if you ever leave him like his father did, yo personalmente te asesinaré."
Abuelita proceeded to walk away from her cheerfully and casually, leaving Melody with a stunned expression on her face. Soos then wrapped his arm back around her with a smile.
"Gosh, Abuelita is just the sweetest, isn't she?" Soos asked happily, completely unaware of the threat Abuelita had made to her.
"Yeah... she's certainly something…" Melody chuckled nervously.
"Man, what a great morning this has been!" Mabel said as she ran up beside her great uncles, who had already begun digging into the chocolate cake. "Spending the morning celebrating the return and birthday of our wonderful Grunkles! Finding out that our best friend Soos is getting married! Chocolate cake!"
"Yes, this has certainly been a very eventful morning," Ford said as he ate a forkful of cake. "And a great celebration at that too! Thank you all for putting this together!"
"Cake's a little dry, but yeah. This has been pretty great," Stan nodded.
"Well, things are only gonna get greater... because the day's just getting started!" Mabel said excitedly as she stood in front of them with a paper in hand, which she held out in front of them. "The pre-party to the real party!"
"What's this?" Stan asked as he read the paper, which appeared to actually be a flier for what looked like a party. "A party?"
"That's right! I spent all night planning and putting together a party in the floor room!" Mabel revealed. "A party celebrating you two! The return of Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford! And the whole town's invited!"
"Another party, Mabel?" Dipper asked. "We just had one for Summerween yesterday…"
"Yeah, dude. As much as I like partying, I ain't too sure having another one here at the Shack so soon is such a good idea…" Soos also said hesitantly.
"Also, didn't last night's party get cut short?" Ryland asked as he put his own plate of cake down. "Won't that make people a little unsure about coming back the very next day?"
"To be fair, it's not like anyone in this town has anything better to do with their lives anyway," Wendy said.
"Pretty much!" Mabel agreed. "Besides, this isn't a Summerween party. There are no costumes or anything spooky. It's just a normal party in the floor room! It's nothing too crazy." She proceeded to walk back up to Stan and Ford and place her hands on their backs. "I just wanted to do something special for Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford now that they're home."
"While that indeed sounds very special…" Ford began, giving her an unsure look. "...is there any chance we could potentially reschedule for some time later in the future?"
"What? Why?" Mabel asked.
"Well, it's just that Stan and I already have important business dealing with the whole Bill situation," Ford explained. "And with a party on such short notice, it just feels a little inopportune for us. You know?"
"Oh…" Mabel said, feeling slightly dejected. "I understand. Duh. I should've known how much more important Bill was."
"Oh, Mabel, I didn't mean it like…" Ford tried to correct himself.
"No, it's not that," Mabel cut off. "It's just that I already spent the night printing fliers and passing them out all over town. I even went through about four gallons of Mabel Juice just to stay awake," she said as she held up a glass of Mabel Juice in her hand and promptly splashed it across her face, drenching herself. "But it's no problem. I guess I can just tell off anybody who does show up."
"Well... I mean…" Ford said, trying to think of a way to respond.
"Hold up, Sixer," Stan whispered, putting a hand on Ford's shoulder and grabbing his attention. "We can't make her cancel this thing. She put in a lot of work just for us!"
"Yes, Stan, I know," Ford responded quietly with a nod. "But... Bill…"
"Look, I understand the stakes of sharing a mind and body with a psychopathic demon who could take over any second," Stan told him. "But, we've waited so long to see the kids and spend time with them again. Are we seriously gonna blow off a party made specifically for us to spend time with them?"
"I... I don't even know anymore…" Ford said, placing a hand on his face.
"It's just one day, bro," Stan reminded him. "One day just to celebrate coming home. After today, then for however long it takes, we can work on this whole Bill thing. But I'm sure spending one day having a good time isn't gonna do the whole mission much harm."
Ford looked back at Mabel, who was looking on at the flier she had made. She then sighed and looked down dejectedly, letting her arm hang out with the paper in hand. Realizing how much effort she had gone through to set something up all in one night, Ford knew he couldn't say no. This was all made and done out of her own passion and will. And he wasn't gonna force her to let it all go to waste. Especially when it was all done for them.
"On second thought, Mabel…" Ford began as he turned to her. "...I think a little partying beforehand might help us get into the right mindset to really go up against Bill."
"Really?" Mabel asked as her frown began to transform into a smile again
"Really."
Mabel jumped from her seat over to Ford and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Grunkle Ford!" She then linked Stan into her hug. "And I promise, Dipper and I won't leave either of your sides tonight!"
"I mean, she never talked any of this out with me…" Dipper said as he walked over to the three while rubbing the back of his head. "...but that's true enough, I guess."
"Well, I'd sure hope so," Stan said as he put an arm around both of their necks. "We ain't killing a day of hard work to be ignored by our own niece and nephew, are we?"
"Of course not!" Mabel shook her head.
"No!" Dipper shook his head too.
"Grunkle Stan, we know going to this party is a sacrifice for you two, and so that's why we're going to make sure it's well worth it!" Mabel assured him. "We promise you! No distractions! This party is all about you two!"
"Yeah, we're not easily distracted twelve-year-olds like we used to be," Dipper agreed before his eyes looked in Mabel's direction. "Well... like Mabel used to be…"
"You were too distracted!" Mabel argued as he gave him a shove in the arm. "Don't act like you never got distracted by your crush on We-"
Knowing where she was going with that statement, Dipper promptly placed his hand over her mouth, cutting her off. "Alright, you've made your point! Shut up!" Dipper demanded quietly as his eyes glanced to the side where Wendy was sat, who was luckily distracted by an unrelated and irrelevant side conversation she was having with Soos, Melody, and Ryland.
He turned back to Stan who was giving the two a look. Then he cracked a slight smile. "You may not be the same twelve-year-olds you used to be, but the both of you are still just as petty."
Dipper and Mabel cracked guilty smiles back at Stan before the three hugged one another and burst out laughing. Ford even smiled as he looked on at the three and even let out a light chuckle. Regardless of how much the twins have changed or how much they had stayed the same, the two Stan twins just felt happy to be reunited with them again. The reunion to them was already the best birthday gift they could ask for.
But to be celebrated upon their return was probably one of the more special moments for them. And while a party now may take away potential time from getting actual work done, they still couldn't wait to spend time with their great niece and nephew again.
Just like old times.
The rest of the morning had escalated fairly quickly, with everyone finishing out the rest of the chocolate cake before Stan and Ford returned to the basement for further lab work before the party. The afternoon also wasn't too special either, except for Dipper's slight irritation with the realization that he would be missing a bulk of a Ghost Harassers marathon on the UTBAHC due to the party, which goes back to Mabel not mentioning a thing to him or anyone else about the party prior to her surprise announcement. That fact continued to slightly annoy him and make him question the idea of having another party so soon.
Mabel, of course, still didn't mind. Less than an hour before the party was set to start, she was still preparing herself and getting dressed up for the occasion. Dipper hung out, writing in his journal as she dabbled around with her makeup in the mirror of their room.
"I still can't believe that Soos and Melody are actually getting married next month!" Mabel said as she placed on her usual eyeliner. "I remember the day we were trying to find him a date and he scared off every girl he came across. Who would've thought that the love of his life would actually end up being the girl who worked at a mall meat stand?" She thought for a moment. "Actually, in hindsight, who wouldn't have thought that?"
"Us at the time, apparently," Dipper said as he wrote in his journal.
"You're right, you're right," Mabel nodded in agreement as she continued on with her makeup. "But still. How exciting is it that we're gonna get to see our best friend get hitched next month? Ahhhh, I'm already getting teary-eyed just thinking about it!" Mabel shrieked as she wiped her eye.
"Yeah, I'm stoked for Soos too," Dipper nodded. "The guy deserves to live a happy life with someone who makes him happy. And Melody's great. They're perfect for each other, honestly. I couldn't see it any other way."
"Agreed!" Mabel said, putting on her earrings. She then smirked. "Heh! And maybe next month you'll catch the bouquet. You'll be the next one in line, bro-bro!"
"Isn't that a girl thing?" Dipper asked, looking up from his journal.
"Not for Soos it wasn't!" Mabel told him. "He got struck with the luck of catching the bouquet at Waddles and Gompers' wedding! And look where we are now! If it worked for him, it could work for anyone! Including youuu."
"Whatever you say, sis," Dipper said with a light chuckle, not exactly finding much belief in Soos gaining luck from catching a bouquet at a pretend wedding between animals that she put together herself when they were twelve.
"I'm serious, bro!" Mabel assured him, turning her head toward him. "You might think it's silly, but I can see you totally being next in line to get hitched!"
"Uh, right…" Dipper said awkwardly. "And why are we getting into this now?"
"No offense or anything, Dipper, but let's admit it. You've had some major duds in your love life from Wendy to all the girls that rejected you in high school. Moments that have pushed you away from the dating game when you could totally find someone for you! Maybe even at this party!"
"Who could I possibly find at this party that I haven't already met?" Dipper asked.
"Uhh... lots of girls?" Mabel asked back. "Have you forgotten that it's been four years since we were last here? Who knows how many new townsfolk and new hotties there are waiting for you? I mean, Ryland wasn't around four years ago, was he?"
"I don't know, Mabel. I've kinda come to terms with the fact that I'm kinda hopeless at romance," Dipper said glumly as he tried to redirect his focus back into his journal, trying to tune out the ideas of romance.
"That's because you don't even try!" Mabel told him as she pushed his journal down, trying to grab his attention again. She then grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up to his feet from his bed. "I mean seriously! Look at you! We're about to have a party with a bunch of people from all over town and you're wearing that?"
Dipper looked down at his clothes, which were the same that he always wore. He raised an eyebrow, failing to see the issue that Mabel was pointing out. "What's wrong with my clothes?"
"They're the same thing you always wear! It's a party, Dipper! Not another lazy Saturday," Mabel told him bluntly.
Dipper still failed to see how his current wardrobe was such a big problem. It was a casual party, rather than the previous night's costume party, and so he didn't believe there was a need to dress up too fancily. But Mabel, being a girl and into fashion as much as she was, of course, aimed to please.
She wore a sparkly purple top with large, transparent sleeves that hung from her arms. In the middle of the front of the top, there was a sparkly, silver disco ball with protruding sparkles that gave off an illusion that it was spinning whenever Mabel turned or whenever you looked at it from a different angle. Combined with the sparkly top, she wore blue jeans and her best party shoes, which were both made to look nice and to dance in. She also tied some of her hair back into a high ponytail, while also letting some of it hang off the sides of her face.
Dipper, on the other hand, just stuck to his normal blue hoodie, red T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and bomber hat.
"If you just switched out of that hoodie you wear every day for once and wore something nice, you'd be surprised how much more attention you'd get," Mabel continued to try and convince him as she brushed off the sides of his hoodie.
She suddenly caught a smell, however, and stopped to process it. She quickly knew exactly what it was and backed up from Dipper, letting out a disgusted groan as she covered up her nose.
"Dipper! Did you not shower at all today?"
"Mabel, I'm a busy man! Showering takes a lot of time out of my day, so I only do it when it's really necessary," Dipper defended.
"Are you insane? Since when has this been a thing?" Mabel asked, not recalling Dipper's lack of showering habits in the past. "First you hardly wash your clothes, now you hardly wash yourself? When was the last time you even showered?"
"It wasn't that long ago!" Dipper defended.
"Has it been more than three days?" Mabel asked.
Dipper stood silent for a moment. "No comment."
"You know what, Dipper, I'm just trying to help," she said as she kept her disgusted look up. "Seriously, if you really want to get a girl to like you, all you gotta do is clean yourself up and put on something that doesn't make you look like your homeless friend."
She walked over to the door and opened it up, taking a step outside before turning back.
"And be confident!"
She shut the door right behind her as she left the room, leaving Dipper alone. He let out a sigh as he looked around the empty room. He turned to his left and quickly noticed himself in Mabel's mirror. He stood in front of it and looked at himself for a moment, analyzing his appearance.
Maybe it was because of his lack of self-confidence, but admittedly, he could agree that he didn't believe he looked his most appealing at that moment.
Maybe Mabel's right…
He then glanced over at his dresser and began to stare at it, beginning to think of how he could possibly improve himself.
In the basement, Stan stood in front of the mirror wearing a long-sleeved salmon button-up shirt. He left the top few buttons opened up, exposing some of his top chest hairs and his gold chain necklace. He also wore black slacks and a pair of dress shoes. He was also cleanly shaven now, having actually taken the time to shave off the thick stubble he had been growing since getting stuck in the middle of the ocean.
For the first time in a while, he actually felt like a clean new man.
He straightened out his sleeves around his wrist and then placed his hands on his waist, looking at himself. He smiled, even playfully flicking his fingers like guns at himself admirably.
"Still got it," he said to himself.
He then proceeded to open a drawer and pull out some aftershave. He placed some on his hands and patted his face down. It stung a little, especially considering it had been over a week since his last good shave, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.
Behind him, Ford stood wearing a fancy beige jacket over his red turtleneck. This combo made him appear similar to how he did with his trench coat, but it looked classier and less mysterious. Especially combined with his beige slacks and brown dress shoes. He had also shaved earlier as well, though in a way that wasn't quite as subtle.
He stood by a large tank of water, dumping pebbles from a box of Frooby Frebbles. Inside the tank, Berry sat at the bottom, happily watching as sugary cereal pieces hit the surface of the water. Ford finished dumping pebbles and placed the box to the side.
"Berry's been fed," Ford said as he walked over to the mirror beside Stan. He then glanced down at Meridian, which he had also replaced the battery for, and looked at the time. "Judging by the time, the party should be starting already."
"It'll be fine. It's a party thrown for us, ain't it? Who cares if we're a few minutes late?" Stan asked as he placed the aftershave away.
"Not proposing it as a problem, but just something to take note of," Ford clarified. "Although, I have to ask, Stan. Are you sure you wish to go through with this whole celebration?"
"Go through with this party? Of course," Stan assured him. "I didn't put on slacks for nothing, Sixer. It was a nightmare getting them on and it'll be another nightmare getting them off. So even if I didn't want to go through with this, I might as well."
"I'm just a bit paranoid about the possibility that Bill might take over and pose a threat," Ford admitted as he gave a look of uncertainty.
"Well, if it's a party, I'm guessing there's gonna be music. Won't the constant dance music beating into my brain stop him from coming out?" Stan asked.
"That is true, although that's another problem in the sense that it's just increasing Bill's immunity to the music affecting him," Ford explained. "And so that'll make that type of music ineffective against him in the future, should we need to use it."
"Then I guess that'll be a problem for another day if it happens," Stan shrugged off.
"It doesn't have to be a problem at all though," Ford pressed.
"Ford, you really wanna bail out on a party by your great niece a few seconds after the thing even started?" Stan questioned, turning to him with a look.
"I don't…" Ford assured him. "I'm just... a little worried is all. About Bill. About you. About showing up in the town's public eye again for the first time in four years."
"Hey, if they didn't give a damn the first time you came back after thirty years, they ain't gonna give a damn after four years," Stan told him as he wrapped a brotherly arm around his neck. "As for Bill, I know you got my back if I start acting funny. You're good at pointing that stuff out. Just stick beside me at all times, keep me away from sharp objects, and make sure I'm never in a position to hurt anyone. You know what they say: have fun, but not too much fun. Got it?"
Ford chuckled as he patted his brother's back a few times. "Got it."
"That's the spirit," Stan nodded as he let go of his brother. He then walked over to the side and searched a few of Ford's lab cabinets. "Now, you got any cologne around here? I showered but I still smell dimensional octopus on me, and I could really go without that tonight."
"I don't believe I have any usable cologne or products of that sort down here," Ford replied as he thought about it. "Never found much use for those sorts of products."
"Christ, you and Dipper really are alike in more ways than just brains," Stan answered as he opened a cabinet, recalling Dipper's hormone-infused stench.
However, despite Ford's claims, he spotted a bunch of cosmetic products within the cabinet he had opened. Including a bottle of cologne.
"Ah, here we go!" Stan exclaimed as he grabbed the cologne bottle and examined it. "What are you talking about, Ford? You got some cologne right here."
"I do?" Ford asked, raising an eyebrow. He was unable to recall exactly why he had cologne stored in one of his cabinets.
"Yeah, you do," Stan nodded as he read the label. "Perfect Man Cologne. Little on the nose, huh? Should probably let you know Ford: just because a company calls themselves perfect, doesn't mean they actually are."
"Perfect Man Cologne? Wait a minute..." Ford restated to himself, finding slight familiarity with the name. Suddenly, he gasped as he realized what it really was.
"Based on the name, it's probably mediocre at best," Stan said as he continued to examine the name with uncertainty. Then he shrugged and held it up to himself, ready to spray. "But anything's better than nothing."
"STANLEY, NO!" Ford shouted as he rushed over to him.
Stan found himself caught off guard when Ford suddenly swiped the cologne from his hands. He narrowed his eyes at him. "Alright, fine! You can use it first. Christ…"
"No, it's not what you think, Stanley. Just forget about it," Ford said somewhat frantically as he tried to shove the cologne back into the cabinet.
"What's gotten into you? Why are you acting so… huh?" Stan questioned as he caught a quick glimpse of the rest of the cosmetics in the cabinet.
"Nothing! Don't worry about it!" Ford tried to assure him as he attempted to close the cabinet.
However, Stan placed his hand in the way as he kept his eyes focused on the cosmetics inside. His eyes bulged as he read the names of the other products.
"What is this?" Stan asked as he picked up some of the products. "Objectively Perfect Hair Gel? Perfect Teeth Toothpaste? 'Created by Stanford Pines?!' What the hell is all this stuff, Ford? You aren't planning something crazy, are you?"
"No! Stan, it's all nothing! I swear!" Ford shouted, face starting to redden a bit. "They're all just... failed college experiments."
"What? You mean you were so desperate for girls in college that you made a bunch of crazy science experiments to get them to fall in love with you?" Stan asked, looking somewhat disgusted.
"What?! No! Not to get them to fall in love with me!" Ford exclaimed. "I'm not unethical! I was simply trying to make myself more appealing, that's all. Not emotionally and affectionately manipulate anyone."
"Man, that's gold!" Stan said with an amused smile, lightly slamming his fist down on his knee. "Did any of this stuff actually work?"
"No. Why do you think I said failed experiments?" Ford said as he looked on at the products disappointedly. "The hair gel worked fine for a week until repeated use gave me a permanent side effect so the only way I could ever cut or shave off any of the hair on my body is by burning it off with fire."
"That explains your shaving habits…" Stan realized. "I always knew you weren't telling the truth when you said you did it like that just because it was faster."
"Well, it is faster," Ford reinforced. "Perhaps a more extraordinary method, but the speed is definitely a plus," he said as he rubbed his face.
"Well, what's wrong with the toothpaste and cologne then?"
"The toothpaste simply gave me irremovable onion breath for a month. That was easily the hardest month of college too," Ford said as he stared forward, remembering the point in time. "And the cologne is my biggest mistake, as instead of simply giving me a pleasing scent, I had somehow designed it to attract anybody and anything that made near physical contact with me."
"How the hell did you manage to make something like that from cologne?" Stan asked, genuinely curious.
"I don't know. It's been so long. I just remember that it was Valentine's and I had borrowed a good-scented ingredient from an odd musician who wore wings and utilized a belt full of similar substances," Ford shrugged as he tried to remember. "But it was an incredibly awkward experience. You can only imagine how uncomfortable it was to have all of your professors infatuated with you yet still not curve your test grades from an A to an A+. Also, mosquitoes were even more of a nuisance than usual.
"Right. You sure know what a real problem is," Stan said sarcastically. "And not that I'd want you to, but you never thought at the time about... ya know… actually fixing them to work without issues?"
"Not at all, nor have I been interested in pursuing a romantic relationship in years," Ford admitted. "They don't serve use to me anymore."
"So throw them out? Why hold onto them?"
"I've been meaning to dispose of them, but with the type of effects they produce, I've been waiting until I had a proper way to do it so that they don't affect anyone else or the world itself," Ford explained. "Disposing of such a large amount of leftover material could have potentially disastrous consequences. Trees that could no longer be chopped or cut down and would only be affected by burning them. The stench of onions following you no matter where you go. Walking through the woods to suddenly be hugged by a lustful bear. Just to name a few."
"Alright, yeah... I'm no longer comfortable talking about this anymore," Stan admitted, eye twitching slightly.
"Just let me worry about getting rid of it all later," Ford said as she shut the cabinet doors with all the products placed back inside. He began making his way over to the elevator. "C'mon, let's head up."
"So you mean I gotta deal with this octopus stench all night then?" Stan asked, dissatisfied with the continued smell of the Snacken surrounding him.
"Honestly, it's hardly even noticeable," Ford said as he pressed the elevator button.
"It is to me."
"Well, it's probably the best you've smelled in years anyway," Ford jabbed just as the elevator arrived. "Now c'mon, let's get moving. Don't wanna be too late now."
The two boarded the elevator and made their way upstairs. They stepped out of the vending machine and into the gift shop, shutting the machine right behind them. They noticed that the Shack itself seemed pretty empty and quiet as they made their way over to the floor room.
"I wonder just how set up this party is," Stan said as they walked.
"I mean, it was all designed by Mabel. Which I suppose could go a number of different ways," Ford replied.
"You think anybody even showed up?"
"She did say she invited the whole town, did she not?" Ford reminded him.
"Right, but really. Who the hell would want to go to a party to celebrate the return of two random old men after a few years?" Stan asked.
However, at that moment, the two soon found themselves stepping out into the floor room. And immediately upon entrance, the two froze as they caught sight of the dozens of people on the dance floor. The dance music was blaring and thumping as everyone was dancing and having a good time. Even more guests continued to show up and enter through the back doors as well. There was even a snack and drink table already set up, and the lights shined bright purple and pink hues, which illuminated the place.
Everything looked orderly and perfectly put together. The hard, late-night work of a Mabel Juice-induced Mabel Pines was certainly impressive.
"Yo, dudes!" Soos's voice was suddenly heard over a microphone.
Stan and Ford turned their heads over to him in the corner of the floor room, reprising his role as DJ. Melody stood behind him at the booth, managing the equipment beside the wall. Soos looked over at them, having noticed that they entered the room, and pointed them out.
"We got the Stan dawgs in the house!" Soos called out over the mic. "Can we all give them a 'welcome home' shout-out?"
All the partygoers paused their dancing for a moment and turned their heads in the direction of the Stans. They then erupted into a series of applauding and cheering for them.
Stan and Ford stood with surprised faces for a moment as they processed what was happening. Eventually, wide smiles formed as they looked on at everybody.
"You know, Ford. If someone had told me thirty years ago that there'd come a day where I'd be cheered on at a party alongside my brother, I wouldn't have ever believed them," Stan told him as he kept his eyes fixated on those applauding them.
"Neither would I," Ford admitted. He then turned back to Stan with a warm smile. "I'll have been glad to have been proven wrong though." Stan turned to him and smiled back.
"This is a great moment and all, but I think that it could use some epic lightning!" Soos said as he reached a hand for his keyboard.
Soos had a keyboard set up at his DJ Booth and aimed for the rightmost key, which would trigger the lightning sound effect. However, upon hitting it, nothing happened. He continued tapping the key, trying to get the sound to trigger but was unsuccessful. He then began pressing various keys on the keyboard, but none of them played sounds either.
"Hmmph. Looks like the keyboard's batteries are dead," Soos realized as he looked down at it.
"I think we have spares upstairs in the bedroom," Melody told him.
"I'll go grab some real fast," Soos said as he stepped out of the stand. "Stay here and make sure that playlist stays fresh!"
The applause eventually died down and the partygoers resumed dancing and doing their own things again. Stan and Ford took a few steps forward, stepping away from the entrance and trying to make their way around the party.
"There are my favorite Grunkles!" Mabel shouted as she and Waddles made their way over to them. She greeted them both with quick hugs before getting a look at their outfits and shaved faces. "Wowee! You two surely cleaned up compared to how you looked this morning!"
"Well, it's our party, ain't it?" Stan asked as he straightened out his sleeves. "Gotta spiff it up."
"I'll say," Mabel agreed. "Though no matter how spiffy you two try to look, it ain't gonna stop those hairs from graying."
"Aw, c'mon. Why you gotta remind us? Can't you let a pair of old men feel young for a change?" Stan asked, pretending like the insult was somewhat hurtful.
"Might be asking a little too much considering the party I just threw," Mabel said slickly with a smile.
"Ah, you've really learned to talk back as a teen, haven't you?" Stan asked, somewhat impressed. "I couldn't be prouder."
"I learn from the best," Mabel said, gesturing toward him.
"Damn right you do," Stan said proudly, rubbing the top of Mabel's head lightly, which prompted a chuckle out of her. "But seriously, kid, the party's great. You put more work into this party than I ever could getting into bed."
"Indeed," Ford nodded. "This party is excellent, Mabel. Thank you so much for putting in such effort and time for old folks like us."
"Aw, it's nothing. You two deserve it all after everything you've been through with Bill and all that stupid stuff," Mabel said. "I'm just happy to have my Grunkles back in my life after all these years. Once Dipper gets here, we'll all be together again. And the two of us will be there for you all night. We'll never leave your si- OH MY GOD! CANDY! GRENDA!"
Mabel's attention had suddenly redirected toward the entrance, where she spotted none other than Candy Chiu and Grenda walk in. They hadn't noticed her immediately, but Mabel's shouting quickly grabbed their attention. Their faces drew wide smiles as they spotted their best friend for the first time in forever years.
"MABEL!" they both shouted as they ran over to her. Mabel ran over to them as well and the two met in the middle, embracing one another tightly and emotionally.
"I can't believe you guys are really here!" Mabel said happily as she hugged them.
"I can't believe that we're really here either!" Grenda said with her deep voice.
"We missed you so much!" Candy exclaimed.
"I missed you girls too!" Mabel said as she pulled away from the hug and began focusing her attention on their appearances and outfits. "AHHHH! LOOK AT YOU TWO!"
"AHHHH! LOOK AT YOU!" Grenda shrieked excitedly, gesturing toward her appearance.
"AHHHH! WE'RE ALL TEENS!" Candy shrieked as well.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" the three shrieked all at once, holding each other's hands and jumping up and down like they were kids again.
Stan and Ford watched as the girls shrieked and reunited with one another. Ford felt somewhat weird considering the statement that Mabel had just made prior to the girls' arrival.
"Well, so much for never leaving our side," Ford said a bit dejectedly.
"Ah, give her a break, Poindexter," Stan said, nudging him in the arm slightly. "Those are her best friends. Looks like she hasn't seen them in a long time either. They're having the same moment that we had last night. Just let 'em be for a few, will ya?"
"You're right. I suppose that sounded a bit possessive, didn't it?" Ford said, taking back his previous statement.
"Yeah, just relax," Stan said as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "She worked hard on this thing for us. Let her have her own space for a little. It's not like she's completely forgotten about us."
"Yes, yes. Of course. My mistake," Ford nodded. "I do wonder where Dipper is at though."
"Yeah, where is that kid?" Stan asked, curious too.
Knock, knock, knock.
Derrick knocked on the door to Dipper and Mabel's room, having just arrived moments ago. He had run into Mabel in the halls before she went to the floor room, to which she uninterestedly redirected him upstairs as to where Dipper was. And so he simply stood at the door, waiting for an answer.
After a brief moment, the door opened and Dipper stood at the door. As soon as Derrick got a look at him, his eyes went wide.
Dipper stood in front of him wearing one of his red T-shirts, except this one looked like it had its sleeves ripped off moments ago, with loose threads hanging out from the base of the shirt. On top of that, his hair was a complete, unorganized mess and more so than usual. It was shiny and stuck out oddly in some places as if he had just attempted to gel it.
Derrick scanned him from head to toe, eyes widened in shock as if he didn't know who he was looking at.
"So, uh, do I have to ask?" Derrick questioned as he looked him back in the eye.
"My sister threw a party for my great uncles' return," Dipper replied, rubbing his arm awkwardly.
"Yeah, I know that," Derrick said holding up one of the copied fliers in hand. "She stapled this to my granddad's front door. And I think she knows where I'm staying now because she didn't do that to any of the neighbors." He crumbled the flier up and tucked it into his pocket. "So she threw a party and that's what you're wearing to it?"
"What? It's not that bad, is it?" Dipper asked as he looked down at himself.
Rather than answering that question, Derrick gave Dipper an open-mouthed stare as he raised an eyebrow as if that was a question that shouldn't even need to be asked. Dipper caught this look and slouched forward acceptingly.
"Alright, it's really bad," he admitted.
"Dipper, I don't respect anyone who blatantly rips off their sleeves like that," Derrick told him bluntly. "I thought you were better than that. I thought you were smarter than that."
"Look, Mabel got on me about being unable to get girls, and she said that if I fixed myself up a bit, I'd actually have some hope," Dipper explained as he walked back into his room. "Told me that getting better clothes would help me."
"God, man, you listen to your sister way too much," Derrick groaned as he processed his explanation. "To an extent, I see what she means. Girls do like guys who clean up, but honestly, you look good enough in your hoodie. You don't need to fix up your appearance to impress girls, and even if you did, ripping off your damn sleeves isn't the way to do it."
"You see? That's basically what I said!" Dipper said as he put his hoodie back on and zipped it up, which covered up his torn sleeves and made him look normal again. He put his hands through his hair and roughed them around, undoing the mess he made with the gel. "I don't need fancy new clothes to impress girls! I don't need hair gel! I don't even need to shower! Nor do I need to-"
"Woah there, cowboy!" Derrick cut him off as he heard what he said. "We're talking clothes here. Where the hell did you get not showering from?"
"You know me, Derrick. I'm a busy guy. Showering takes a lot of time out of my days, so I only do it when it's necessary," Dipper explained to him.
"Dude, you're going to be seventeen in a few months and you don't even take consistent showers?" Derrick asked, eye twitching in slight disgust.
"Well, I mean-"
"Dipper, look at me," Derrick said, gesturing toward his appearance. "I can tell you that as someone who likes to wear the same raggedy hoodie and jeans every day, I still like to keep my body clean underneath. And I don't even do much with my life. You're basically a monster hunter. With all that time you spend running through these woods, I'd expect you, of all people, to be the one in need of regular showers most."
Derrick had a point. For all the times he had spent going after creatures and dealing with several falls and rolls in the woods, he should probably care enough to bathe more often.
He sighed as he sat down on his bed. "You don't know how demotivating it is when you've built up four long years of awkward, embarrassing rejection with little to no adventuring or some means of escape to the side. I guess with the opportunity to finally have that escape, I just became kinda careless about my hygiene because I'm not aiming to impress anybody."
"Look, man, your clothes aren't going to drive anyone away, but your stench will," Derrick told him bluntly. "You need good hygiene. That's important for any relationship. Not just romantic ones, but your friends and family too."
Dipper sighed guiltily as he began making his way toward the door. "Alright, fine. I'll just shower real quick."
"Nah, forget that," Derrick told him, which prompted him to stop in his place. "Party's already going on, and there's gotta be plenty of girls out there by now. We need to get you out there quick if you're gonna beat the cooler guys to the available ones."
"Cooler guys?" Dipper questioned, slightly offended.
"What you need is cologne," Derrick told him. "Spray some all over yourself and cover up your stench with something much more pleasant to the nose."
"Right. Well, where are we gonna get some?" Dipper asked. "I don't have any cologne."
"Alright, well, maybe we can borrow some from someone else," Derrick suggested. "There's gotta be someone around here who has some."
"Do, do-do, do, do," Soos sung as he walked down the upstairs hallway with a pack of batteries in hand, passing by Dipper's open door. Dipper and Derrick's heads quickly turned to him as he passed by.
"Maybe Soos has some," Dipper suggested before making his way out of his room to catch up to him with Derrick following behind. "Soos!"
Soos stopped walking and turned around toward the two. He gave a greeting smile. "Oh, 'sup Dipper! And Dipper's friend!"
"That just about sums up my purpose," Derrick said sarcastically.
"Why aren't you dudes downstairs at the party?" Soos asked.
"I'm, uh, still getting ready," Dipper replied. "I was wondering though if you might have any cologne I might be able to borrow?"
"Cologne, eh?" Soos repeated as he thought about it, stroking his chin. "You never seemed much like a cologne guy, Dip Dawg. Is there someone you're trying to impress?" he asked with a grin.
"What? Uh... no!" Dipper denied with a nervous chuckle. "That's not what I need it for. I just, uh, want it to…"
"Dude hasn't taken a shower in God knows how long and he reeks," Derrick spoke out bluntly. "He needs a little freshener."
Dipper stared forward at Soos blankly as he processed Derrick's unsubtle explanation. While he was correct, he felt he could've gone without going into that much detail.
"Oh, well, I don't know if you'd want my cologne. It might not fit your needs," Soos said as he dug into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle.
"I'll take what I can get," Dipper said, holding his hand out to accept the bottle. He held it out in his hand and looked down at it. As they read it, both he and Derrick raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Soos? What's this?"
"Bacon-scented cologne," Soos said with a smile. "Been using it for years. Melody loves this stuff. The fresh scent of crispy, lean meat reminds us of when we met at Meat Cute. Not exactly a good 'freshener', but I still highly recommend it, dude."
Dipper and Derrick stared at him with staggered looks, neither of them sure of how to respond. Dipper then looked down at the cologne again before politely holding it back out to Soos, smiling uncomfortably as he did so.
"Thanks, Soos... but uh... you're right. It doesn't really serve our needs," Dipper told him nicely as Soos took the cologne back.
"All good, dawg! But still, if you ever need to smell like bacon, I got you!" Soos said as he put the cologne back into his pocket. He then turned back around and head back for the stairs. "I'll see you dudes at the party!"
As he left, Dipper and Derrick continued to just stand quietly as they stared forward, still staggered. After a brief moment of silence, Derrick glanced over at Dipper.
"Well, Dipper. If there's anything to take away from that, it's that if someone like him can get a girl, then so can you," Derrick said as he patted him on the back.
Dipper let out a sigh as he facepalmed. "Look, let's just think of another way we can get cologne."
"Hey, what about your great-uncles?" Derrick suggested. "Maybe they got something you can use."
"Asking my great-uncles for cologne? I don't know, man."
"Come on. What're you worried about? They're old men. They'll understand," Derrick said as he made his way down the stairs.
Dipper followed behind him slowly, both of them making their way from the stairs over into the gift shop. "I just don't know if Stan and Ford are really the types of people to hold onto stuff like that. Stan might... but-"
"You said that Ford's the smart one with all the lab stuff, right?" Derrick asked, recalling the things Dipper used to mention about his great uncles to him. He then took a step right in front of the vending machine and examined it. "If so, maybe the guy makes his own cologne or something."
"Well, if he does, he totally doesn't use it then. Been around him enough times to know," Dipper told him as he stood behind Derrick. "Unless his cologne is the constant scent of smoke and wood."
"He smokes?" Derrick asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, but he sets his face on fire."
"Ooookay then... well, that's still a step up from bacon cologne, albeit, a small one," Derrick said as he looked at the corner between the vending machine and the wall. After seeing Stan and Ford depart into the basement the previous night, he knew all about the hidden door. Now he needed to figure out how to get to it. "How do we get back there?"
Without saying a word, Dipper promptly stepped up the machine and held his fingers up to the buttons. He typed in 'A-1-B-C-3' before pressing the enter button. He stepped back a few inches, pulling Derrick aside with him before the vending machine suddenly popped out and opened, revealing the doorway into the lab. Derrick stared at the open door in awe.
"Still the vending machine expert, I see," Derrick said as he nudged Dipper in the arm with his elbow before walking up to the doorway, stepping inside, and heading downstairs. "God, this is awesome."
"Yeah, let's just quickly go down and ask them, then come back up," Dipper said as he followed behind him, putting his hand on the side of the machine to close the doorway up again as he entered.
The two took the elevator to the bottom level of the shaft, reaching the laboratory. The doors opened, and Derrick held a look of genuine amazement as he looked around at all the machines. The two took a few steps inside, simply examining the place.
"Wow…" Derrick said in astonishment as he leaned his hand forward to touch one of the machines. "Your great uncle has a lot of time on his hands."
"Don't touch anything," Dipper commanded, pulling his arm back and stopping him. He then turned back and looked straight down the hall of machinery. "Grunkle Stan? Great Uncle Ford? It's me, Dipper!" He walked forward a little bit more and glanced around some more, but found nobody. "Anyone here?"
"They could be upstairs at the party already," Derrick reminded him as he looked around.
"Probably. I don't think anybody's here," Dipper said as he continued searching the lab to no avail, even glancing over at the large fish tank holding Berry inside. He then displayed a timid look. "And I don't feel so good about being here without them. We should probably get out of here."
"Dipper, seriously?" Derrick questioned, narrowing his eyes. "We're hanging in your great-uncle's lab, not leaving class without permission."
"Well, we're in my great-uncle's lab without permission," Dipper told him. "C'mon, let's just go. Screw the cologne."
"No, c'mon. It'll be quick," Derrick said as he began searching cabinets.
Dipper's eyes bulged as he ran over to him. "What are you doing? I said not to touch anything!"
"Would you chill out?" Derrick told him as he continued opening cabinets. "I'm just looking around."
"Opening cabinets is not 'just looking around!' It's opening cabinets!" Dipper argued as he placed his hands over his head in distress.
Derrick dismissed his concerned shouting and kept opening cabinets. Suddenly, he opened a set of cabinets, and the contents inside caught his eye. "Ahah! Here we go!" he exclaimed as he stuck his hand inside and grabbed a bottle. "Perfect Man Cologne. Well, that's a little on the nose, don't ya think?"
"We shouldn't be touching this stuff without Ford knowing…" Dipper said, looking back at the elevator with the paranoia of Ford showing up. "It could be dangerous."
"It's cologne, Dipper. Come on, the worst it could possibly do is make you smell even worse," Derrick tried to reaffirm him as he looked back inside the cabinet. "Look, your great uncle even has hair gels and toothpaste in here. This is probably his hygiene cabinet or something."
"I still don't know. From my experience, it seems like most things that belong to him are experiments that have some sort of abnormality to them," Dipper said as he rubbed the back of his neck reluctantly. "He has a body-switching carpet, man."
"Tag looks pretty normal to me," Derrick said as he quickly examined it, not paying attention too much to the fine details and words. "I'm not familiar with the brand Perfect Man, but at worst, it's probably some cheap off-brand that he bought just cause he took the name too seriously. I mean, he's like what, eighty?" He held the bottle out to Dipper. "Still, just try it, man."
Dipper hesitated for a moment, but then held his hand out and accepted the cologne. He examined it for a moment before pulling the cap off and giving it a sample smell, wanting to know what kind of scent he'd exactly be spraying on himself were he to use it.
The scent was somewhat odd to describe, honestly. The number one thing he could point out was this sparkly sensation he felt in his nose upon smelling it. He didn't know exactly what to make of the feeling, but once he got to the actual scent, it was very fresh. Like a soft breeze at the ocean, except you weren't at the ocean during summer, but during the winter. A cool kinda air, but the air was sparkling. Like something was on fire and you could feel the embers of the flame. A very odd mix of opposing descriptions, but that's how it smelt and felt.
Odd, yet a pleasing odd. Which was fitting for someone like Ford to own.
"How's it smell?" Derrick asked.
"Kinda weird, but I like it," Dipper said with a light smile.
"Spray some on, then," Derrick told him.
Dipper stared at it for a moment, still slightly hesitant. He questioned once more whether he really needed the cologne. Was he truly looking to impress anyone tonight? Not really, as the idea of dating has taken a toll on him since his attempt at asking Madison Calias on the last day of school ended uneventfully. He's been burnt by girls so many times throughout high school that it essentially burnt him out on the overall idea of romance. It was gonna need to take someone really special to get him in his feelings again, and he didn't think a bit of cologne was gonna attract that person.
Nonetheless, there was still a party going on. And if Mabel and Derrick were telling him that he reeks, he probably reeks. The very least he could do is cover it up with something that smells decent before he has time to properly shower later. Even if he's not in the mingling mood, he should still be approachable.
He placed his finger on the dispenser and aimed it at himself. He pressed down and let out light sprays among his body. He sprayed a few times on his torso, his arms, his neck, his legs... he sprayed all over himself multiple times. He never used cologne himself before, so he wasn't quite sure when enough was enough. So, he kept going throughout his body until he got a relatively strong smell.
But Derrick was quick to realize when he was spraying too much.
"Alright, man. I think that's enough," he said as he took a few steps toward him, holding out his hand out slightly. Dipper kept pressing down on the dispenser and spraying though. "Dude, enough! That's too much!" He reached forward and got close enough to snag the cologne bottle from him. "Enough, man. Geez, have you ever used this stuff before?"
"No, I just thought I would really need to cover up the smell," Dipper told him.
"Well, trust me, man. A few sprays would've been…"
Derrick cut himself off as he began to smell the cologne as it aromatically came from Dipper. He froze as he processed his smell, to which there was a sudden pink flash of sparkles within his eyes. Then, after a moment, he unfroze and began to gaze at Dipper.
"...enough..." he finished, his eyes completely locked in on Dipper's.
"Oh, sorry. Again, first time using this stuff," Dipper apologized. "The smell isn't too strong now, is it?"
Derrick continued to gaze at Dipper, his pupils growing larger. "No, man. You smell... great."
"Really?" Dipper asked with a smile, his eyes showing hope. "Alright! Sweet!" He held out the cologne back to Derrick. "Just put this back where you found it, and let's get out of here before anyone finds us!"
Derrick promptly accepted the cologne, while still keeping a fixating gaze on Dipper, which he failed to notice as he quickly turned around and walked back toward the elevator.
"Anything for you, my man!" Derrick called back with flirtatious intentions, yet in a casual enough tone for Dipper to process it as nothing more than normal banter from him.
Too fixated on Dipper, however, Derrick paid little mind to the cologne and carelessly placed it on the counter below the open cabinet before catching up with him. The elevator was open and he stood right beside him, though a little closer than he normally did. Not a difference Dipper was able to catch at that moment though.
"Gonna be honest, I do feel better about this whole party thing now," Dipper admitted as he turned to his friend. "I feel a bit more confident."
"That's great, man! I'm glad you're feeling that way!" Derrick said as he pat Dipper on the back.
"Thanks? Gee, you're pretty positive all of the sudden," Dipper said with an odd chuckle, caught off guard slightly by Derrick's behavior.
"Well, I mean, you've been my best friend for these past few years, and you've always been so doubtful and afraid," Derrick said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Just nice to see you finally have some self-confidence. Makes you look more admirable."
"Wow, that means a lot, man," Dipper said with a smile. "Though I owe it to you. The whole cologne idea was yours, and I wouldn't be like this right now if we hadn't gone with it."
"Please, this is beyond the cologne at this point," Derrick said, face reddening slightly.
"Whatever you say, bro," Dipper shrugged, still oblivious to Derrick's flirtatious mannerisms. He finally pressed the elevator button. "Now let's get our party on!" He processed that statement for a second. "That sounded lame, didn't it?"
"Please. Nothing you say is lame," Derrick told him as the elevator doors began to close.
"Ha-ha. Very funny," Dipper said sarcastically, processing his words as nothing more than another casual jab at him just as the elevator doors shut.
(Chapter updated as of December 28, 2022)