I know, it's been way too long since my last update but things haven't been easy on a personal level for me this past month and I've find it hard to focus enough on the story to actually write a decent chapter. Hopefuly this one came out okay.

I apologize in advance if there are any more typos or errors than usual. It's pretty late over here and I just want to get the chapter out so maybe I can feel good about myself for a little while… I know it sounds gloomy and I'm sorry. I'm just putting a lot of faith in this story to get me out of the sad mood i've been on for a while now…

Now… dark thoughts aside: remember when I said this story was going to be a rollercoaster of emotions? This chapter is a pretty good example of why. I really hope you like it.

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Chapter 4: Whatever you want, the answer is no

"No reading, no TV, no bright lights, no phone, no excercise, no sudden movements, no shouting, no noises... is there anything you can do?" Alex asked, reading the list of instructions the doctor had given them while Vict changed out of his clothes by the bed. Vict had been released from the hospital on the condition he took his recovery seriously and followed their instructions to the letter.

"Sleep... and eat" the older boy answered once he managed to put on one of his oldest t-shirts. Alex noticed how carefully he was moving, as if the simple act of lifting his arms hurt. He didn't comment on it though.

"Great, I got myself a baby" he joked instead, preferring to see the light spark in Vict's eyes as opposed to seeing them roll annoyingly at his asking for the hundredth time if he was alright.

"And for free too!" the blond chuckled, getting up from where he was sitting on the bed to change into some of Vict's clothes too.

Alex didn't have much on him when they left the hospital and he refused to go home to look for some of his clothes. He needed at least one good night of rest and sleep before he was ready to face Ben and whatever the hell was going on with him and his uncle.

He'd asked Vict if he could stay with him for a few days and the older boy had readily agreed, not without telling him that he had to man up and talk to his brother sooner rather than later. If only it was just about the car...

When they were about to leave the hospital on the taxi cab they had called, Ben had approached him again but Alex had been cold and unyielding. They would not talk about it within a mile radious from Vict. The older man had remained quiet since then, not even calling to check if they'd made it home okay.

"How long do you have to follow these?" Alex asked once he'd changed and waving the white paper in his hand.

"4 to 5 days. Longer if the pain doesn't go away" Vict answered "I guess it's a good thing I don't start working at the garage until next month" he added, laying down on his side of the bed with a satisfied sigh. When exactly did they start having sides on the bed was unclear to Alex. His was the right side, closest to the door. Vict grabbed his phone and a few minutes later Alex joined him on the bed. He made a face at the fact Vict was using his phone against doctor's orders but then noticed what was on the screen.

"We've just been in a car accident and you're looking for motorbikes? You do know those are way more dangerous, right?" Vict smiled.

"What I do know is that we're going to need a new way of transportation. Your brother's car has been unavailable for a while now, more so now after this" he said signaling to their various cuts and bruises "I was thinking we could get one. They're cheaper, smaller, easier to park, you name it. So what do you think?" he showed Alex the few models he'd been researching and the blond thought about it long and deep. Somehow, if he'd had any reservations with the idea a few days ago, now he could only feel excited about it.

"I'm in" he answered with the most sincere smile he'd given in the past couple of days. As always, it never took Vict too long to give one back.

Alex moved closer to him and reached with a hand to bring Vict's face closer to his. He pecked him on the lips while they both slowly and painfully moved their bodies to be facing each other.

"How long do you think we'll be in bed rest?" Vict asked when he was able to escape Alex's eager lips.

"Hopefully forever" the blond answered and went back to his task of running a hand through Vict's scalp. The older boy chuckled.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Alex just went on kissing him. Kissing Vict was the one thing he could do where he didn't have to think so hard about what he was doing, if he was moving right, if Vict was liking it, if he could breathe, if he couldn't... actually not breathing was his goal with it because it meant he was doing it right. It came so natural between them that he could just forget the rest of the world existed. He deepened the kiss almost unknowingly "Alex..." Vixt managed to get out "They said no extenuating activities. For both of us"

"This isn't extenuating"

"It will be" the older boy answered but didn't resist Alex's next display of affection. After a while though, when the urge to rub his hips against Vict's became strong enough to actually start doing it, he forced himself to stop with a defeated sigh. He tucked himself deeper into the other boy's chest and pretended that, at least for now, everything was normal and he didn't have to worry about dead relatives coming back to life or living ones lying about it.

He was almost asleep when the doorbell rang. He groaned and bickered on his way up the bed but Vict beat him to it.

"I'll go"

"But your head-"

"Is fine" he finished, pushing Alex back down "It's my place, I'll answer the door" the blond didn't protest again.

He settled back down and brought a knee close to his chest. He was so tired he could sleep for days and Vict's bed was as good a place as any to do so. Better than a hospital chair for sure and it didn't take him long to start drifting off. He didn't even hear Vict opening the front door.

"Alex?" the blond heard his name and startled back into awareness with a groan. One more minute and he would've fallen blissfully asleep, something he hadn't been able to do since the crash. Whoever was at the door had caused Vict to disrupt his much needed rest.

He counted to three before forcing himself off the bed and strolled out the room barefooted as he was. He was so drowsy he didn't even remember he was wearing a t-shirt and his boxer shorts, nothing more.

Thoughts of going back to bed, preferably with Vict by his side, followed him out the bedroom and into the living room where the sight of a man standing at the doorway stopped him in his tracks. It wasn't just any man and the sight of him walking through his boyfriend's front door was so bizarre he was left speechless.

"Rider, we need to talk" Alex frowned, incapable of doing anything else while he regarded Crawley with a distrustful look. Suddenly he felt exposed, no longer safe in the safest place on earth for him right now. His attention was snaped back by Vict closing the front door and walking to stand closer to him.

"He's with the police. Says it's important" the older boy supplied, apparently not phased by the fact Alex had been adressed by his birth name. It wasn't news to him, Alex had told him as much as he could about his family but he guessed it still had to be somewhat unsettling to hear. It was certainly unsettling for him.

Alex focused his gaze on the intruder once again, hoping he was conveying with his eyes how much he was silently encouraging him to leave. How dare he show up here? What the hell was going on? First Ian and then this?

"What do you want?" if he sounded rude, he couldn't care enough to hide it.

"We need to talk about the events of two nights ago" Crawley replied, shoulders stiff and hands clasped together behind his back. He must have been sweating under the dark suit he was wearing and the warm summer temperature.

"We were in a car accident, there's nothing else to talk about" Alex felt an elbow digging into his side and he glanced at Vict gesturing at him to not talk to 'the police' that way. He huffed.

"I would still like a few words, in private, if you don't mind" the man said, directing his last words at Vict, but when the older boy was about to agree and go back into his room, Alex latched into his arm. As long as Vict was there, he was saved from whatever Crawley actually wanted to say. Was he trying to recruit him again?

"He minds. And so do I" Vict freed his arm and glanced back and forth between Crawley and the blond. With a confused frown on his face, he managed to put two and two together.

"You're that guy. That man from the store two years ago. You were fighting with him" Alex's heart quickened. Vict couldn't find out about MI6, he couldn't!

"I think you need to leave" Alex said dangerously to the agent but both Vict and Crawley ignored him.

"Who are you exactly?" Vict asked and Alex felt like he was still inside the car when it crashed, except this time he could see it all happening in slow motion. He saw Crawley taking a breath, sighing with annoyance. Who knew what he was going to say?

"John Crawley, Intelligence Secret Service" shattering glass, pieces raining down on him, noises everywhere, cars crashing...

"What are you doing?" the blond asked with a horrified whisper.

"We need to talk"

"Intelligence secret service?"

"Whatever you want, the answer is no" an emotional turmoil was beginning to form inside him and Vict's words and Crawley's words and his words were getting louder and louder in his mind and hadn't he been clear enough already?

"I need you to come with me Rider" apparently not.

"Like hell" he answered with clenched teeth. He noticed Vict standing even closer to him, as if lured by his defensive tone. The older boy didn't remain quiet though.

"Can someone please explain to me what's going on?" he sounded annoyed, angry even and Alex didn't miss the frown on his forehead that spoke of a building headache. This had to stop now "And his name is Daniels" he added, which made the tiniest of smiles appear on the blond's face. A smile that didn't last long since Vict turned his inquisitive eyes on him, expecting an answer but when he was about to give one, Crawley interrupted him.

"We've determined at headquarters that the recent extenuating circumstances require our attention"

"What circumstances?" asked Vict and though Alex didn't want to talk about it now, he found himself blurting out an outraged huff.

"Extenuating circumstances... Oh, you mean my uncle being alive?"

"Alex, what're you talking about?" Vict jumped in.

"Nothing" he answered by reflex, bringing a hand to his forehead and wishing against all odds that this was all just a dream. A very bad dream "You need to leave" he told Crawley then with a murderous tone and an accusing finger.

"This isn't a matter to be ignored. It's about national security. You need to be protected" the man stated, spiking up Alex's own anger.

"Protected from what?" apparently Vict was determined not to be left out of the conversation.

"You can take your protection and stuff it where it hurts because I don't want it and I don't need it" he purposefully kept his gaze away from Vict. Things were getting out of control now. He hated not being in control.

"Rider, your protection is-"

"Cairo was for my protection too! Remember? How did that end up?" he finally exploded, not realizing he was reveiling even more information or maybe not caring anymore at this point. He didn't give the man a change to answer his question "It doesn't matter now. Just go and never come back here. This isn't yours. I'm not yours"

"You need to consider this carefuly. You're not the only one involved" he said, glancing at Vict who, Alex was dismayed to notice, had taken a few steps away from him.

"You didn't have to tell him, he's never been a part of this" this isn't happening, it isn't happening.

"Yet the attack was made on the both of you. If you would just consider-"

"Attack? What are-" Vict jumped in but Crawley answered before he could finish his question. Alex's anger flared up by the man's dismissive treatment of his boyfriend, whom he'd involved in the conversation in the first place.

"The crash wasn't a hit and run. You were targeted" that brought Alex's racing thoughts to a stop. Not again, he thought. The part of his life where he had enemies left and right trying to kill him was supposed to be over.

"By who?" he asked.

"Like I said, it's a matter of national security, something better discussed elsewhere. You'd both be safer if you came with me" Alex snorted. That was so not happening.

"Like Jack?" he said. Suddenly it felt like it was yesterday when Blunt was telling him he was sending him away to deal with the threat against him and that Jack was volunteering to go with him. He couldn't have history repeating itself.

His comment was completely ignored though and a tense silence settled between the three of them arranged into a triangle of sorts as they were. Then Crawley broke it with a voice as monotone and robotic as his whole self.

"It isn't every day that MI6 makes a civilian a top priority. I suggest you accept our help until the threat is sorted"

"I've never been your top priority, I was your top secret" that brought on silence to the conversation once again. He was dying to ask the one thing that had been eating away at him for the past two days, but he knew he couldn't make himself seem desperate for information on his uncle, even though he was, if he didn't want to give MI6 any kind of leverage on him. At least that much he'd learned.

He regarded Crawley with as much a composed expression as he could and spat out his next words.

"I thought I made myself clear years ago: I don't want anything to do with you. Now go, before you keep finding ways to ruin my life" he braced himself for an argument, for the man to keep insisting they had to go with him, he even expected him to call reinforcements and force them to go, but the MI6 agent barely nodded his head and spoke one last time before leaving.

"Remember this was your decision Rider" Alex hurried forward to close the door after him, fumbling with the keys hanging next to it to lock it. Even with the man gone, he couldn't shake the feeling of uncertainty making him weak on the knees. His carefuly controlled safe environment kept being shaken up by unpredicted and uncontrollable events, and he felt as if the walls were closing in on him.

He turned around to face the most dangerous of them all.

"What the hell was that?" Vict asked, not even trying to hide his anger.

"Nothing. It was nothing" hoping the other boy would just drop the matter was more than wishful thinking. He started pacing.

"Alex, that was the Intelligence Secret Service. Don't tell me it's nothing. What do they have to do with you? What's that about your uncle being alive? And the crash?" but he kept up his pacing rhythm, not knowing how to answer any of those questions without causing a catastrophe in his life and wishing they could just go back to 15 minutes ago when they were in bed, happy together and away from everything that could possibly take that happiness away because MI6 always finds a way to ruin him, they always ruin everything! "Alex!"

"Alright! Alright..." he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath "I was involved with them a long time ago, when I was fourteen. My uncle worked for them until he died. They... they recruited me after that"

"Recruited as in...?"

"As in making me work for them too" he finished.

A beat of silence, then...

"When you were fourteen" Vict repeated pensively "You're telling me the government made you work for them when you were fourteen"

"Yes"

"And that you actually did"

"Yes"

"And somehow the crash had something to do with that?"

"Apparently, yes"

"Has anything you've ever told me been true?" Alex froze, his heart racing a mile a second and feeling as if a bucket of cold water had just been dropped on him.

"Why are you asking that? I've never lied to you" he didn't like how small his voice sounded to his own ears. The walls around him were getting even closer and the floor was beginning to shake under him.

"Really? Because it sounds to me like your whole life is one big fat lie" Alex thought a knife running down his chest or a bullet wound just a few inches above his heart were less painful than Vict's cutting words.

"That's not fair. I couldn't tell you any of this before" he almost whispered.

"Someone tried to kill us because of this. How is that not a reason to tell me?"

"I would've been breaking the law. I was signed under secrecy. I don't understand why they'd be the ones to tell you now" and why had they done that? If what they wanted was a way to control him again, MI6 could have threatened to tell Vict about his past, not going right ahead and do it before even blackmailing him with it.

"It should've been you, Alex" his tone was so accusing he felt the need to defend himself at least some.

"This isn't the kind of thing you go around telling people about yourself" and that was such the wrong thing to say.

"Except I'm not just anyone, am I? This is the kind of stuff you tell the person you love" Vict put his hands on his hips before laughing bitterly at the ceiling "But how would I know that? It's not like you've actually told me you love me" Alex's heart did another flip. It was beating so erratically he was actually afraid he'd have a heart attack right then.

"You said you wouldn't push" his voice broke at the end, his hands were sweating. He wasn't ready to have this kind of discussion now.

"Well, I'm pushing now! Because how else am I suposed to believe that what we have is actually real? For all I know you could be leading a double life. Is that it? Am I supposed to be your cover?"

"No! I don't work for them anymore. You're not a-"

"Then why did someone try to kill us? I think I had the right to know if my life was in danger because you were some kind of... of spy" Alex was gasping for breath now.

"That had nothing to do with me. I've been out of the game for years! This has to do with my uncle" he was trying to make him understand. This wasn't his fault!

"Right, the uncle who died but turned out to be not so dead now. Just another lie I guess"

"I didn't know about my uncle before the hospital, I promise!" Alex was getting desperate.

"Then you've had plenty of time to tell me after it. Urgh, damm it!" the older boy spat, massaging his left temple and closing his eyes for a second. Alex was stunned.

"Why are you being like this?" he asked in a whisper but the answer he got wasn't the one he'd been looking for.

"I think it's best if you go home tonight" again, Alex felt like the floor was giving way under his weight. He couldn't go home now, he didn't want to leave, he was supposed to be safe here!

He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, just stared at Vict like a wounded and cornered scared little animal. He hated feeling like this.

"It looks like you have some stuff to figure out" the other boy continued "And so have I" that brought Alex back from his stupor.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Shit, Alex, I don't know! I just... my head's killing me and I want to be left alone right now" the blond dropped his eyes and bit his cheek. He was continuing to cause pain to the one person he'd swear to protect from harm. He ran a hand through his hair again and nodded jerkingly, trying not to crumble under the weight crushing him from the inside.

He didn't speak again while he went back into the bedroom to get changed and grab his bag. This time he put on a sweater to go outside, a gray hoodie with faded black letters that he'd appropriated from the other boy the year before. The irony wasn't lost on him, neither was the pain of having to walk away from an angry Vict shutting the door closed after him and not before he managed the see the betrayed expression on his face.

Alex stood outside the door for a while, not finding the courage to either leave or find his way inside again. He felt lost.

He checked the time on his phone. If he hurried, he could still catch a bus back home.

Home.

But what was waiting for him back there?

When he finally turned around to start making his way down the stairs, he couldn't help but feel like he was leaving a war zone to walk straight into another one.

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Don't kill me please! I also hate it when they fight. My poor baby was feeling so suffocated with how quickly things went to 0 to 10 between Crawley's visit and his fight with Vict. I understand Vict may have overreacted a little but let's keep in mind he's recovering from a serious concussion and having a fight with a strong headache can make you say lots of harsh things.

So… what did you think about it? Were you expecting MI6 to come knocking on Alex's door again? Let's not forget we still have the mystery of his uncle to solve… I'm still not sure how i'm gonna manage that but Alex needs some answers soon, and I guess so do you!

Until next time!