Hi everyone! First of all I want to apologize for the incredibly long wait and to thank everyone who's reviewed this story asking about my health. Since many of the comments were from guest accounts, I couldn't really reply, but I read all of them and they didn't let me forget I had a group of readers waiting on me that I could not keep on hold forever. So thank you.
To answer your questions: I am fine. I'm physically healthy and haven't had problems with Covid or anything of the sort, thank God. That doesn't mean the last several months have been easy, but at least I'm alive and kicking.
I cannot even beging to express how difficult it was for me to get this final chapter out. This year has been incredibly stressful for everyone and I fell down a little rabbit hole that took my motivation to write away from me. It was also specially hard to write this chapter because it would mean the end of the main storyline of this series and I gotta admit it's a bittersweet feeling. I've been writing this series since 2017 so it's been 3 years of powerful emotions and amazing feedback from you guys. Your support of my writing and the characters is what made me able to keep writing them through the years and all the way 'til the end. I know you've waited a lot for a new update and I didn't want you guys to end the year without one, so I swallowed my conflicted feelings and wrote down the ending of this fic.
You can consider this chapter the end of the story, though I may be writing an epilogue sometime in the future. I would also have liked to make it longer, but this is how it turned out. You can expect a disgusting amount of fluff and comfort because I think I made our boys suffer enough already. As it is, there's also some angst but that's only because the day I write something non-ansgty is probably the day I stop writing at all.
There's another important note at the end of this chapter so make sure to read it when you're done. I really hope you like this chapter and the note with which I end the main storyline of the series. It's emotional and fluffy, so there's that.
Now, enough blabbering on my part and happy reading!
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Chapter 19: Consider it considered
A couple of days later found Alex strangely back to routine. Not that he'd been doing anything particularly important before the car crash happened, since he was on vacation from school, but still.
Things had just quieted down compared to the previous week's hussle and it was almost a complete relief. Almost.
Alex couldn't help but feel like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, like things couldn't have just ended like that. Would MI6 truly stay away? Would his uncle?
The blond sighed, stretching his limbs after a surprisingly good night's rest and got up from the bed. He was going to start changing out of his pajamas when a knock on the door had him turning around to see Ben peeking his head into the room.
"Hi bud. Can we talk?"
Alex nodded and waved his brother the rest of the way inside, sitting back on the bed and welcoming Ben to do the same. The older man still had until the end of the week before going back to work, having used some of his days off once their situation had turned as dire as it had, so it was no surprise to see that he was still also in sleepwear and looking like they had all the time in the world to talk. Somehow, it was the thought of a long uninterrupted conversation first thing in the morning that had Alex tensing up in anticipation. He didn't think his psyche could handle any sudden potentially life changing news for a while.
"What's up?" he asked and was relieved to notice that at least Ben didn't look tenser than usual.
"I was thinking it was time for us to talk now that things have calmed down a bit"
"Talk about what?" hadn't they already covered everything there was to be covered?
To his credit, Ben did look a bit apologetic though mainly he seemed determined. "You should start seeing Dr. Gwen again. Regularly"
"I…" Alex wasn't sure how to respond to such a direct request. It wasn't like he hadn't already thought about it, what with the whole Uncle-coming-back-from-the-dead thing, but he was certain Ben meant for Alex to restart regular therapy againg concerning another thing specifically. For the very first time when dealing with this subject, Alex didn't feel up to denying he needed help or to fight Ben every step of the way in admiting it. With a resolute nod of his head, Alex agreed. "Okay, but only if you start seeing her too"
"What?"
Ben had clearly not been expecting that. When he saw him about to reply, the blond was quick to stop him. "No, listen. I'm not saying it to be difficult. I want to start seeing Dr. Gwen too. But I think you need a little bit of help too"
"How do you reckon?"
"Ben, you've given up your life for me. Since the moment you took me in, all you've done is put yourself aside in order to help me, in order to heal me"
"Yes, and I would gladly continue to do so. I don't need to go to therapy for that"
The irony of their role reversal for the first time in as many conversations about therapy was not lost on Alex. He wasn't sure though if Ben was being difficult for the sake of being difficult or if he was actually oblivious to the point Alex was trying to make.
With a gentle smile, Alex put a hand on his brother's shoulder and noticed his eyes widen in surprise. "I love you Ben" he started, finding it surprisingly easy and liberating to express his feelings without having to force the words out of his mouth like he was used to. "You're my family, my brother, in all the ways that count and I know everything you've sacrificed to get from where I was to where I am today. I would've died by now if it wasn't for you Ben. Whether it was another mission, or my own recklessness, or my depression. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I may never get better beyond this point in my life, but then again, I thought the same thing a year ago and the year before that. And I still have a lot of issues to work through and I promise I'll work with Dr. Gwen on them because I want to get better, for you, for Vict and for myself.
"But you already saved me Ben. You've done everthing you could to get me to the point where I feel comfortable saying these things to you and I can't keep letting you put your life on hold because of me. I don't want to keep living like I'm your patient as well as your brother. I want us to be the kind of brothers that share their life and are there for each other in a relationship that goes both ways. So this is me having a turn at taking care of you: go see Dr. Gwen and have her help you find yourself again. Whether that's Ben, or Fox or someone else entirely, I'm still gonna be here and I'm still gonna be fighting to overcome my own issues, but it won't be at the expense of your own life. It won't be at the expense of your self. And that's it, that's all I was going to say" he finished rather awkwardly and abruptly, retreating his hand and waiting for his brother to get over the shock of him stringing so many words together like that, so many powerful words.
It's not like it was the first time Alex thought about what he'd just dumped on the older man, he'd just never felt confident or entitled enough to suggest to his brother that he'd fallen into a pattern of self-abandon when it came to his own life. Maybe Alex should've been selfless enough to see it sooner but after what had happened that week, he would be damned if he continued to let the people he cared about suffer on his account.
Ben cleared his throat after a while, not really succeeding in getting rid of the wobble in his voice when he spoke. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Alex?"
The blond chuckled. He could understand the surprise in Ben's expression. He was a little surprised himself at his eloquently expressed insight. "I mean it though. Will you at least consider what I said?"
Ben nodded. "Consider it considered"
"Good"
"Listen Al… I get what you're saying, okay? I do. But you also get that I would change nothing, right? That I regret nothing because it's been worth it. You are worth it"
Now it was Alex's turn to keep his composure in check. "I know Ben. I know"
"Great!" Ben exclaimed, springing to his feet and bringing an end to their rather emotional conversation. "That's enough talk for one day, don't you think? Are you down for breakfast at that place at the end of the street?"
Alex was about to reply when his phone suddenly pinged with an incoming text that he confirmed was from Vict with a quick glance at the device resting on his bedside table. The other boy had managed to replace his cellphone merely a day after getting back to his place.
*5 minutes?* the text read and Alex's lips began to form the kind of smile he hadn't shown in a while.
"Ummm…" he started but Ben beat him to it with a ruffling hand on his hair.
"Go. We can have lunch instead"
"You sure?"
"Yeah, wouldn't want to keep Romeo waiting for long, Juliet"
"Why does everyone asume I'm Juliet?"
"I think it's the eyes" Ben said, batting his eyelashes mockingly at the same time he made a hasty retreat from the bedroom to avoid the pillow Alex directed his way.
He glanced at the text again, missing the times their coded message to summon each other to the park came almost daily, and he jumped from the bed to get ready. After all, he only had a few minutes left.
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He found Vict waiting for him at their usual spot, the small fountain by the middle of the park, and Alex didn't lose any time hopping himself up on the railing surrounding it. He opened his legs and welcomed his boyfriend between them.
A kiss was quick to follow.
"I come bearing gifts" Vict said, jingling the small paper bag he was clutching in his right hand.
Alex soared at the sight of the goods from their favorite bakery, one not far from Vict's own place. "Did you get the buttered croissants?"
"Two, actually, for each. And a chocolate filled one, to share"
"Ah... you do know me"
Vict snorted and bit his shoulder lightly before stepping back and using Alex's legs as a makeshift table. They began to eat between bouts of kisses and bursts of laughter.
"We haven't been here in so long. I missed this"
Alex couldn't agree more. "Your fault for moving so far away"
"Yeah, yeah, poor me and my limited budget"
Alex smiled and after finishing his last bite of the shared chocolate croissant, ran a hand through Vict's hair. His thumb came near the wound on his forehead, the one from the crash two weeks ago, and he placed a light kiss on top of the still visible bruise.
"This seems to be coming along pretty well"
"Hmm... you think we're in the clear to be resuming those extenuating activities?"
"Haven't we already?" Alex asked, ready to mirror Vict's own devilish smile when the older boy answered back.
"Hardly"
They both laughed and all Alex could do was relish in the sound his boyfriend hadn't felt up to making for a while. The days after coming back and getting back together had been specially hard on Vict, with him trying not to let his new found fears get the better of him while alone at his apartment. Alex had already spent many nights with him, though Vict himself had insisted on Alex returning home by the end of the week, not wanting to become too dependant on his presence to feel safe in the apartment.
Right now though, Vict seemed pretty much back to normal and Alex wrapped his arms around the other boy's shoulders to bring him closer and pester his entire face with chaste kisses. He didn't know what was it about that day that was making him act and talk as freely as he was. It was a new feeling for him, but it was a good one.
It was when Vict's chin was resting on his shoulder, both boys staring at oposite ends of the park when his boyfriend stiffened and broke the embrace to call his attention.
"Alex…" he signaled for Alex to turn around and see the figure approaching calmly from the other side of the park.
Ian.
The blond gripped his boyfriend's arm reflexively and forced himself to calm his racing heart. He knew this was coming. In fact, he'd hoped this would happen sooner rather than later and, if anything, he was glad this conversation would take place on a day he felt as sound of mind as he could get.
He hopped down from the railing around the fountain and turned around to face the imminent arrival of his uncle.
"Boys" Ian greeted, at least acknowledging his boyfriend's presence as well, something the rest of MI6 hadn't been kind enough to do. "I was wondering if I could have a word with you Alex"
It was Vict who gave him a light push towards his uncle, making it clear that he encouraged him to have this conversation in private. "I'll wait for you here. Take all the time you need"
It was also Vict who yanked on his arm right before letting go so he could give him a peck on the forehead, mindless of whatever audience they had.
"You good?" he asked, and Alex nodded a bit shyly before letting go and following his uncle towards one of the park benches.
He was dismayed to notice his face felt heated and given his fair complexion, he was sure he was visibly blushing something fierce. For the briefest of moments, he'd felt slightly embarrassed at showing any kind of affection between him and his boyfriend in front of his uncle. It wasn't so much due to the fact Vict was a guy than with the fact this was his uncle, and he'd been gone long before Alex even started considering things like relationships and love. But seeing as Ian was thankfully not making any comments, Alex pushed away those thoughts and focused on the issue at hand.
"What are you doing here?" he asked first because his uncle seemed to be having troubles starting the conversation.
"I wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing"
Alex shrugged. "I'm fine"
"And him?" Ian asked, glancing beyond Alex to where Vict was patiently waiting leaning back against the fountain.
"He'll live"
Maybe it was the bitterness under the statement or the protectiveness of his tone, but Ian's usually stoic expression crumbled into something resembling guilt. "I also came here because there's something we should talk about. Actually, there're two things and well…"
"What, Ian?"
"Well… I… I realized you were right, I never truly apologized for what I made you go through when you were just fourteen. I told you my reasons and I explained that I never intended for you to be forced into this world at such a young age. But regardless of my intentions, it happened anyway and bad things kept happening to you because of that. I'm sorry, really, and I apologize for everything that happened to Victor too because of my work"
Alex was speechless and the pause in the conversation stretched longer than what any of them felt comfortable with, but Ian didn't rush him for a response, though he also didn't seem eager to continue unless Alex gave him one.
"What's the other thing?" he asked instead of addressing his uncle's apologies.
"I'm leaving and MI6 won't be knocking on your door again for as long as I have a say in the matter"
Alex frowned. "You're making it sound permanent"
"I can't really control what they do but we've come to an agreement and—"
"Not that. About you leaving. You made it sound like you were leaving for good. Why?"
"I… didn't think you would be too upset about that. At this point your feelings have been made pretty clear"
"What feelings?" the blond's so far controlled demeanor was starting to slip into something resembling worry. Just what exactly was his uncle talking about?
"You hate me, Al. For what I did to you and for what happened to Jack because of it. I understand. It's okay" Alex reeled at the thought, mostly because he himself had thought as his uncle did not even a week ago, but his talk with Ben the day after his mental breakdown had shed a lot of light over his conflicted emotions. He realized he hated Ian for a long time until the moment that he didn't, because he'd never actually stopped loving him.
"I don't… I don't hate you. I love you" he clarified and tapped into the knowledge that it was safe, it was healthy, to be upfront about his feelings and not shy away from them, something both he and his uncle had always had in common. "Don't you get it? Everything that's happened hurt so bad because you're my family and I always looked up to you. Before Ben and before the Daniels, even before Jack, it was you and me, and I fucking loved you so much that when you came back I was happy, and I was angry because I was happy. I should hate you Ian, but I don't. So don't make it sound like you're leaving not to come back again"
His uncle's eyes looked pained then. "You don't understand, Al. I can't come back to your life. Look what already happened because of it. As long as there's a traceable connection between us, you'll always be in danger from my past and my job"
"What the hell are you saying?"
"MI6 is wiping any and all evidence of our relationship. They're basically erasing me from your life in order to protect you. No one will ever get to you through your connection to me"
Alex sprung to his feet as if the bench had suddenly caught fire and he stared at his uncle with horror in his eyes. "Are you fucking serious? You can't do that!"
"It's the best thing we could ever do for you"
"But this would be like you dying all over again!"
Ian followed him off of the bench and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing in what he probably thought was a comfortable gesture but was only managing to make Alex's eyes water with the realization of what he'd be losing.
"Alex, you have a life here, a good life, and you need to think about protecting it"
"But we're family, they can't just erase that" Alex brought his own hand up to hold into the one on his shoulder.
"You have a good family here"
"But... Ian..."
"Listen, as long as you and I know the truth, no one can really erase that from us"
But Alex didn't want to accept it. He'd known going back to the way things were between him and his uncle was impossible after everything that had happened, and yes, he'd been reluctant about letting him back into his life now that he was here, but Alex hadn't thought about the possibility of losing him again. They were being denied the opportunity to patch things up between them and to maybe, in the future, whoever distant it may be, have a relationship again. This really felt like Ian dying all over again.
"I… I don't want to lose you" he whispered, a first tear breaking the dam and rolling down his cheek.
"Think about what you'll be protecting" Ian made Alex glance back at Victor, who was pointedly not looking at them, giving them as much privacy as he could. Alex grimaced because he knew Ian was right.
When another silent tear appeared on his face, Ian pulled him forward and into a crushing hug.
"Come here" Alex buried his face on his uncle's shoulder and clung desperately to him, knowing these would be his last few minutes with him. "You will always be my nephew"
The next second, Alex felt Ian slipping something into the pocket of his shorts, the movement quick and hidden from view. It didn't take long for Alex to recognize the shape of a cellphone, a really ancient one probably only good for calls, which meant it was a burner phone.
Understanding the stealthiness of the gesture, Alex didn't aknowledge the phone, but he did hear his uncle's whisper loud and clear right beside his ear. "For emergencies. Life or dead only. No one knows"
Which meant MI6 didn't know.
Alex nodded and it was the weight of that saving grace that gave him the courage to let go of his uncle and step away from the hug.
Ian gave him one last shoulder squeeze before turning around and heading towards the fountain. Alex sat back down on the bench and stared straight ahead as Ian stopped long enough to say something to Vict before desappearing from his life forever. He didn't even try to wipe the few stray tears still making their way down his cheeks. A minute later, Vict sat down by his side and put a hand on his back.
"What happened?"
"What did he tell you?" Alex asked instead, elbows on his knees and eyes trained on the ground.
"He said to take care of you" Vict answered and he failed to keep the concern out of his voice. "Alex, what happened?"
"He came to say goodbye. He... he's gone. He's gone again, for good"
"Oh" was all Vict said and then he pulled Alex closer to him and gathered him in his arms.
Alex wasn't sobbing, but he was silently weeping away a strange sense of déjà vu where he was mourning for his uncle all over again. This time though, it was different. This time he wasn't alone, this time he allowed himself the luxury of accepting Vict's comforting presence and ministrations. A hand kept running soothingly through his hair while Alex relished in the certainty that he didn't have to hide his feelings from the other boy. In fact, there was absolutely nothing else to hide from him anymore and the liberating feeling that came with that knowledge was almost enough to forget how strong this grieving wave actually was. Almost.
But the weight of the burner phone in his pocket came a long way into helping him gather his composure enough to stop the tears and clear his throat.
As long as you and I know the truth, no one can really erase that from us.
Things were going to be okay because he had everything that mattered right there with him, at his side and in his pocket.
"What are you doing later today?" Vict asked after a while.
Alex's eyes were now dry if a bit red rimmed. "Lunch with Ben. Then I don't know. Nothing I guess"
"I could come over? Bring dinner? We could probably make Ben sit through a whole movie and everything if we bribe him with Chinesse food"
Despite himself, Alex laughed. "Yeah, I'd like that"
"Come on then, I'll walk you home"
They walked hand in hand towards his building and Alex was reminded of the first few times Vict had walked him home when they'd first met. He remembered the uncertainty, the doubts, the fear. He also remembered the excitement and the butterflies in his stomach making him both sick and ecstatic at the same time. Now, all he could feel was comfort and the warm presence of a hand fitting perfectly into his own.
When they got to the entrance, Alex stood on the first step of the stairs so he would be eyelevel with Vict and leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend silly.
"I love you" he said, free and happy to do so.
"I love you too. See you tonight"
"See ya"
With one final kiss, the boys parted ways to start counting the hours until it was time to be together again.
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And yes… that's the end… for now.
Remember when I said some chapters ago that I had TONS of oneshots already planned for this series? They main storyline may have come to an end, but there are still things about Alex's and Vict's relationship that I would like to explore. There's already a oneshot written and as soon as I finished editing, it'll go up to the site. Maybe tonight or tomorrow?
About these oneshots. There'll be two kinds of them: M-rated oneshots and general ones. All M-rated oneshots will be posted under the same fic tittled "A&V: The Series". There are already two chapters posted in that fic. Any other oneshot will be posted individually under the name "Alex and Vict: Name of the Fic". There are also some of those already published so if you haven't checked them out, make sure you do!
For any of the two types of oneshots, I'll be taking requests so make sure to message me or write a review asking for whatever specific scene you would like to read. I will always do my best to comply.
That being said, I thank you all again for your continued support and I hope to see you all through the oneshots to come. I'd love to see what you guys thought of this chapter and the story in general so leave me a comment and you'll forever have my gratitude.
Until next time! – R.