A/N: Oh hi! Long time, no fucking see! I have been absent (and a bad person for it), but here I am. The world is out there burning and I'm writing fanfiction through a global pandemic. In all seriousness though, I hope you all and your loved ones stay safe out there! I also hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's kind of serious and not really the breezy, light entertainment we might want to be reading right now. Let me know how you feel about it, I read every single review you guys leave me, so feel free to write anything down there :)

Stay happy and safe!

CHAPTER 6- Seventeen candles

"Yes mom, I know my birthday is tomorrow." Casey sighed "It's kind of hard to forget your own birthday."

She had been on the phone with Nora for about twenty minutes now, occupying the time by pacing around the room and doing her daily stretches. Nora had been updating her daughter on all that had happened in the last few days back home. It wasn't much, but Casey appreciated hearing all of it. So far, Edwin had lucked out with a date to the school's winter dance (which he attributed to his lucky shirt and socks, that Nora gracefully washed without his consent), and had also officially taken over Derek's living room chair. Apparently, he was having a good time without his big brother, and dictator, around (not that Casey could blame him). Lizzie was refusing to go to the winter dance since she had no interest in finding a date or dancing in front of anybody. Casey only wished she was there to encourage her little sister to go and have fun. Nora was very well-intentioned but lacked skills when it came to dealing with Lizzie's prepubescent emotions. And no matter how different they were, Casey always believed she understood her little sister better than their mom.

Marti was having the best time out of all of them. She was now going through a cat phase, a barbie phase and somehow a pirate phase too. Casey could only imagine what went on inside that kid's brain most of the time. She wondered if Lizzie and Edwin were taking as good care of her as Derek did. No matter what bad things she thought of Derek, there was no denying he was a great brother to Marti; there was no one as patient with her as he was. She probably missed him a lot, but Nora didn't mention it and Casey purposely forgot to ask.

On Casey's side, it was all very much the same. Good grades, slight boredom since she couldn't join any activities and lots of journaling. She deliberately also forgot to tell her mom she was now Derek's French tutor. Nothing good would come out of sharing that information since Nora would just be thrilled that they're bonding and spending together. If only. After their disastrous first attempt at a study session, Derek had made some half-hearted attempts at conversation and Casey let him- she was too discouraged to keep fighting. They hadn't scheduled another session yet and Casey had to lie to Mrs. Morris to cover it up- "Oh yeah, it's going great. He'll do much better on the next test!"

Now Nora was asking Casey about her birthday the very next day. The big seventeen. It made her cringe just thinking about it. Time was going by so fast, one more trip around the sun and she'd officially be an adult. Oh God. Despite the fact that Casey had always loved her birthday, this year she didn't want to celebrate. Why would she when she was far from her family and her friends? A celebration would only remind her of how alone she truly felt. She had grown to like the girls on her floor, most of them anyway, but it wasn't enough for her to want to organize a dinner with them. So, she would have a lowkey day at school and maybe a cafeteria slice of cake at dinner.

"Mom, I'm really not doing anything tomorrow." Casey insisted, now filing her nails on her bed "I know it's a Friday but I just don't feel like celebrating."

"But it's your seventeenth birthday, Casey! It's bad enough I'm not there with you, the least you can do is have some fun."

"I'll think about it." She said, but what she really wanted to say was If you wanted to spend time with me, you shouldn't have sent me to a boarding school hours away from home. Turns out almost two months at the school had awakened some feelings of resentment on her behalf.

"I bought you something and I think you're really going to enjoy it!" Nora breathed out, probably beaming "I'll give it to you over the Christmas break."

"Sure, that sounds great."

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Her mother asked, unsure. "You sound upset."

"No no, I just… I just miss you guys, that's all."

"We miss you too, Casey." Awkward silence "Have you seen Derek, by the way? Is everything all right with him? George has been trying to call him for a few weeks now but he never picks up."

"Yeah, I-I see Derek around. We have a few classes together. As far as I know, he's okay."

"Can you ask him to call us?"

"Sure." Casey cleared her throat uncomfortably "I'll let him know."

"Thank you, honey." There was a hint of relief in her voice "Listen, I have to go. Edwin is demanding for me to sew the hole in his lucky shirt."

Casey chuckled.

"Good luck with that. Bye, mom."

"Bye, Casey. I'll call you tomorrow, my birthday girl! Love you."

"Love you." She sighed, hanging up the phone.

Casey lied back in bed, staring absently at the ceiling. She missed her family, even the one she had only recently gained. She missed Lizzie asking her for advice and hugging her goodnight every single night. She thought of Marti and wondered if she had grown up at all since they left or if Nora had tried cutting her bangs in the kitchen sink again, and she definitely wondered what the hell kind of princess pirates she was into now. She even thought of Edwin, probably taking up the role of the little leading man of the house, avoiding chores and ordering Marti to make him sandwiches like Derek did to him. She wondered if George had finally fixed the hole in the living room ceiling and if he thought of her at all. Probably not, since she wasn't his daughter, not really. Even though it took a lot to get used to it, Casey missed little snippets of her life back in London. It was so different from the prestigious organization of her earlier days in Toronto, but now she was worlds away from both of those times. And the distance only seemed to grow more every day she spent at the school.

And soon enough, with only a few hours to go, she would be seventeen and lonelier than ever. She definitely missed the noise and chaos of the house. It was great to always have so many people around because that meant she was never truly alone. But that was before. Now she was in her room, definitely alone with only silence filling the space around her. Maybe if Derek and her were friends, she wouldn't feel so alone. He'd keep her company, watch movies with her and pretend he liked listening to her rant about her day. But then again, if they were friends, they wouldn't be in that situation at all.

—

The pain on her side started in the middle of the night. It was just uncomfortable at first, an ache that hummed quietly but constantly. Unpleasant, sure, but not enough to fully wake her up, just enough to make her sway in-between consciousness and sleep for a while. Then it got worse. Maybe like a needle pricking at her skin, over and over again, reaching a new depth every time she tried to close her eyes. All of it was making her sick. The nausea was rippling through her whole body, as noted by the bits of vomit that rose quickly up to her throat. Her eyes shot open as she tried to swallow it back down. Her brain alerted her to sit up and her body tried to follow the order, clumsily moving around the bed. Casey took in a deep, excruciating breath that burned through her ribs and exhaled loudly.

What the actual fuck was going on?

Her head seemed to weigh a ton on her shoulders, and she was pretty sure she was running a fever too. Casey held on to her side tightly as her stomach contracted, warning her that now was the time to get up and run towards the bathroom. The world was spinning ruthlessly around her as she vomited what felt like her entire guts out. Now she was getting worried. Never had she experienced such an overwhelming amount of pain or felt generally that unwell.

Casey dragged herself back to bed slowly, still hanging on to her right side as if her life depended on it (which right now, it could) and rested her feverish, sweaty body against her soft bedcovers. She thought about calling her mom again, just to have someone tell her what to do, but it was well past 4 am now and Nora did not deserve to be woken up to her daughter possibly dying. Okay, she probably wasn't dying, but it sure as hell felt like it.

By the time the sun rose outside her window, Casey had vomited another two times and the pain was now nearly impossible to deal with. She slowly put her uniform on, taking turns sitting on her bed with her hand pressed against her lower abdomen before heading to class. It would pass, she told herself, as she limped all over campus. It's my birthday and I'm okay.

Derek glanced over at her during English class, cocking his head in curiosity. Casey had her head rested on her hands and her eyes half-closed, drowsy with tiredness and intoxicating nausea. He thought about asking her what was wrong, maybe even wishing a happy birthday (he remembered it when he was in the shower that morning), but it didn't feel right or even real. Maybe later.

"Are you okay, Casey?" Lindsay asked before their lunch break, narrowing her brown eyes at the sight of her friend bent forward with her hand glued to her stomach.

"Just a really bad stomach ache," Casey assured, forcing a weak smile.

"You really don't look well. Maybe you should go to the school's nurse during the lunch break." She rested a hand on Casey's shoulder "Do you want me to go with you?"

"No no, thank you Linds, I'll just pass by there fast. Thanks."

None of them had wished Casey a happy birthday yet. Well, in all fairness none of them knew it was even her birthday, but it still upset her (just a little bit). Just because she wasn't in the mood to celebrate doesn't mean she wouldn't appreciate a few nice words about the occasion. I knew today wouldn't go well, she thought to herself, already standing outside the nurse's office.

The door of her office was open but before Casey could even say anything, her head started spinning and she started losing control on her limbs all at once.

I'm about to pass out. Shit.

The world fell silent around her as everything turned dark, her body falling forward and hitting the floor.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed until she was able to open her eyes again.

"Casey?" Someone called with a voice distant and low. Casey couldn't tell who it was that was talking to her. "You're on the way to the hospital, dear. We think you have appendicitis. Can you hear me?"

Casey tried to nod. Her head was weighing her down like she was being held at the bottom of a well.

"Good." They answered. "I've already let your mother know, she'll meet you there. Derek will go with you and wait there for your family, okay?"

Derek? D-e-r-e-k? Couldn't be. It was impossible. Her body was too weak for her to get up but a surge of electricity got her to focus on her surroundings.

She was inside an ambulance, lying down on a stretcher. There was a blanket covering her and the smell of disinfectant mixed with medicine made her stomach turn. The pain of her side was irradiating through her body, pulsating furiously. Her eyes were begging to close again but there was something else calling out to her. The ambulance doors were opened, so she knew she wasn't moving yet, and outside stood someone who looked eerily similar to Derek, talking to Mrs. Hastings. What was he doing there? Couldn't he leave her alone, not even in her worst moments?

—

Derek forced himself to look away and not think. He was sure that if he slipped, if he lost concentration or let himself go for even just one second, he would snap. It had been a long time since he'd last felt that same hot burn in his eyes, the loud and irreversible warning that he was already at his limit and about to do the unspeakable. Yet he recognized it right away as if no time had passed at all, as the warm and familiar sensation took over him faster than he could stop it. And there it was: Derek Venturi was about to cry. He bit his lip in an effort to slow down the urge until he sensed the tang of fresh blood against his teeth and tongue. Usually, that did the trick since it was a distraction painful enough for his brain to forget about everything else. And for a moment it did work, the ache at the back of his head cleared and the burn inside his tear ducts ceased, but it wasn't long before it was all undone again.

He wasn't okay.

For once, the motion inside the ambulance was making him sick. He didn't want to be there, not really, nor did he want to be anywhere else. At least now he was closer to accepting the facts, since the more he dwelled on it (despite begging his brain to think about literally anything else), the more he saw shit clearly: that day, that cold yet sunny Friday was somehow a test and he had to be there for it.

It was indeed a beautiful, autumnal Friday.

It was also her birthday.

Her.

His chest tightened at the thought. Derek would've given anything to be able to hate her at that moment. He longed to feel the bitterness that filled his mouth when he was angry and petty, searching desperately in the depths within him for the strength to hate her. Or even to just mildly dislike her. Just a little; just so he wouldn't care so fucking much.

There was nothing though, nothing but the stillness inside one who does not hate at all, not even a fucking little. Amidst the chaos, there was calm. That's how he knew his desires were empty and, in all honesty, a lie. A big, useless and disgusting lie. Of course he didn't hate her, he wasn't even sure if he could ever hate her. But he certainly loved to pretend that he did, that he despised her, the way little boys and girls love to play house and act like grown-ups, even when they have no idea what life is actually like. It was all one big act for him too. A way to pass the time, a way to cheat himself into not caring and ultimately, a way to hide.

Casey groaned in pain, alerting him and dragging him back to the nasty reality. She was lying down on the stretcher in front of him, her icy blue eyes red from crying and her face white from nausea. Derek wanted to look away but couldn't bring himself to do it. Not like this, not when she was in this much pain and he felt none at all. And before he knew it, there were tears blurring his vision again. Don't, not in front of her, he begged himself, hoping the awake slice of his conscience would oblige.

The middle-aged paramedic was still talking to her, trying to ease her pain and work in some casual conversation. Even in the state she was, Casey was apparently still too polite to tell him to fuck off. Derek wasn't sure he would've held back so much if he were in her position. She was no longer crying now, just sniffling and blinking away what lasted of her tears. Her skin glistened with them still, just below her eyes and around her cheeks, but she didn't seem to care.

"Just try to breathe through the pain, okay?" The paramedic told her, flashing a creased smile that made his forehead wrinkle. "I know it's a lot and appendicitis is a real bitch but this happens all the time, all right? The surgery is as simple as taking a band-aid off; in a few hours you'll be just fine."

"Why did I pass out?" She questioned, rubbing her temples.

"Most likely due to low blood pressure and glucose levels. You haven't eaten all day, have you?" She shook her head no "Well then that was it. You'll be okay soon though, just rest now."

Derek was unsure who the man was trying to calm down. Casey appeared indifferent to his words (Derek knew better than to believe the coy smile in her response) but they definitely helped him.

Yes, she would be okay, duh. It was so glaringly obvious now that someone else had said it.

It was suddenly uncomfortable to remember the sheer panic he had felt just by seeing her like this, so weak and small, in so much pain that she barely noticed he was right there with her. Though maybe she was ignoring him because by now she knew better than to count on him. And maybe that's why she hadn't spoken to him since the ambulance came to get her. At least for that he was thankful because he really didn't know what to say then. He had no idea what would be appropriate or right in that situation and he had never been one to do the right or appropriate thing anyway.

But he knew what he wanted to tell her and maybe if they were different people he could have said it all without consequences.

The words sizzled underneath his tongue as if daring him to speak them, which he was scared he might just do if she happened to ask him what he was thinking. They were the most terrifyingly simple and raw thoughts he could never force himself to say out loud: I'm here. I care. Look at me.

Yet they were still themselves, which meant he'd never actually say it, and she stayed silent too.

He was a coward and they both knew it.

—

They dragged her into the surgery room immediately upon their arrival. That was the thing about appendicitis, Derek learned, even though it was a minor and usual occurrence, urgency was still obligatory when treating it. So, as he was told very nicely by an overworked, ill-humored nurse, he would just have to sit and wait for Casey to come out of surgery.

"Silently, if possible." She added, not even bothering to hide her frown.

And so he waited. He sat in the waiting room and simply watched time go by. Some times he would get up and pace around the room, locking a relaxed facial expression that told others I'm chilled, thank you very much, so there's no need to come see how I'm doing. Other times he would empty his pockets in a useless search for some loose change so he could buy a snack from the vending machine. He regretted not bringing his wallet with him but it wasn't like he had had much time to gather up his things and leave school.

"Derek, I need you to go with Casey to the hospital, okay?" Mrs. Hastings told him, giving him an encouraging, crooked thumbs up as they stood in the school entrance.

He protested immediately.

"What? No, absolutely not."

"You have to. I phoned her mother and she will meet you at the hospital, but for now I need you to be with Casey. You're her brother and…"

"I am not Casey's brother." There it was, the bitterness and violence of his emotions suddenly pooling in his mouth like vomit.

"I don't care. Your step-mother specifically asked you to come, so you're going. Get in the ambulance."

And that was the end of that non-discussion. He swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat and sat inside with her.

She glanced over at him and squirmed in the stretcher.

"What are you doing here, Derek?" Casey asked, more surprised than impatient.

"I don't know."

—

Usually, Derek managed a much better grip on himself than this. Today he was weaker, embarrassingly so, nervously squeezing the plastic cup he had taken from the water machine since it was the only thing he didn't have to pay for. He realized it was nearly 9 pm then and that he had been circling around the tiny hospital room for almost twenty minutes already. His legs were just starting to hurt and it had been hours since he had last eaten, which meant his stomach was just about ready to chew on its own walls.

Casey had gotten out of surgery about half an hour before then and thankfully didn't have to spend any time in the recovery room.

A doctor caught Derek in the hallway, leaning against the wall with his plastic cup, still filled to the brim with water. She approached him with a smile on her face, her dyed red hair swaying over her shoulders.

"Your girlfriend's surgery went well! You can see her in just a few minutes after the nurses set up her room." She said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Derek was thankful he hadn't been sipping the water, or else he would have choked right then and there. Better in a hospital, he supposed.

"Oh! That's so good to hear, thank you!"

She smiled before walking the other way. He paused, rethinking what had just happened: what the fuck. He had no fucking idea where those words or that voice came from, but unfortunately he was sure he was the one to say them. He definitely needed to lie down and rest. What the fucking fuck.

The rest of the Venturi-McDonald clan would surely be arriving soon to see her, an exception to the visiting hours and hospital rules, and by then his courage, or whatever it was, might fade. Madness.

His polo uniform shirt was sticking to his sweaty skin and the scent of disinfectant burned through his nostrils. It felt wrong to think and act that way, even if there was no one there to call him out on it. The compassion brooding inside him was simply unnatural. He shouldn't think that way about her. Not when she wasn't his sister; not when she wasn't even his friend. Trying to label the complicated relationship (for lack of a better word) he shared with Casey was like trying to shoot a target in the dark- he wouldn't get it right and would end up hurting himself.

He glanced over her bed. Casey looked peaceful still, resting as if nothing monumental had happened at all that day. Little did she know the restlessness and the lightning going off inside him at that moment; she was so blissfully unaware of everything around her and Derek envied her for it.

One question plagued him, playing on a loop again and again and again until he felt sick again: Just who was Casey to him?

He shrugged the thoughts away. Now was not the time to be sensitive or vulnerable, he was sure of it. But if not now, when?

Soon she would awake from her sleep, look at him with her bright blue eyes and ask him just what the fuck he was doing just standing there. Because of course she would ask that, and she would be right. Visiting hours had ended long ago, and the only reason he hadn't been kicked out yet was that he pretended to be asleep the last time a nurse had come in to check Casey's vitals. He had been doing it too, unconsciously checking her heart rate and controlling her breathing through the numbers on the screen and the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest every time she took a breath. Until then everything was under control, Casey was doing okay and Derek was pretending that he was too.

"Hmmm" Derek heard a few minutes later.

The sound had emerged from Casey's throat, escaping through her pursed, dry lips.

Her eyes slowly fluttered opened as she blinked repeatedly, adjusting to the bright light above them. Derek swore his chest tightened a little when she looked at him, even though it was taking her a little longer to recognize him and her surroundings.

"Hey princess." He said slowly, trying to get a reaction out of her. She hated it when he called her that.

"Derek?" Casey breathed out, rubbing her eyes. "What…"

Her mouth closed again before she could finish her sentence.

"I was sent to annoy you until you woke up."

"Mission… Accomplished." She stuttered, scrunching her nose.

"How do you feel?"

"Alive, I think."

Derek smiled.

"Good enough."

There was so much Derek meant to say. Something like I'm glad you're okay, or maybe I was worried about you. Maybe she wouldn't believe it, he probably wouldn't have either if he heard it coming out of his mouth, but he wanted to let her know something.

He cleared his throat and tried not to choke on his own words.

"Was it bad? You know… The pain and surgery?"

"Yeah." Casey nodded, resting her hand on her side. "It was really strange. I'm okay now. It just feels weird to be here."

She probably meant to say it was weird being here alone with him, and Derek internally agreed. Everything about it was weird. The air was heavy with electricity and static, threatening to shock him if he just so happened to get too close to her.

"Hey, Case…" He called, taking in a deep breath "Happy birthday."

Her lips curled into a smile and Derek had to force himself to not smile too.

"How did you know?"

"I just did."

She laughed a little, just a little, just enough so that he would know he had done the right thing.

"Well, thank you. Top three worst birthdays of my life, that's for sure."

"I think it could easily be granted number one spot, but who am I to judge? When I turned fifteen I accidentally pissed my pants at my birthday party." Derek laughed, before realizing what he had just said. "Shit."

"You pissed your pants?" Casey roared with laughter until her cheeks turned a slight hue of red.

"What are the chances you're still high from your surgery and won't remember this?" He asked, frowning.

"I wouldn't count on that."

Derek was just about to speak when the door opened, revealing Nora and George coming into the room. Nora was abnormally pale and looked worried sick, and George simply appeared lost in the chaos, distracted as he often was. Nora really ran until Casey's bed, lowering herself to hug her daughter.

"Oh, Casey, I was so worried about you!" She sniffled, still embracing Casey.

"I'm okay mom, really. Everything's fine now."

"How unlucky to have appendicitis on your birthday. But happy birthday sweetie, I love you."

"You can say that again." Casey mumbled, sighing "Thanks mom, I've missed you."

"So have we, honey."

George approached the bed carefully.

"Hey, Casey. Happy birthday, dear!"

"Thanks, George." She smiled, freeing herself from her mother's arms so she could hug George too. "I can't believe you guys came here at night just to see me."

"Of course we did!" Nora said, "And the only reason we got here so late was that we had to find a last-minute babysitter for the kids and a hotel to sleep tonight."

Derek coughed discreetly in the corner.

"Yes, Derek, you're coming with us tonight." George nodded, stepping closer to him "How are you, son?"

The tension is the room was palpable.

"Just peachy, dad," Derek replied, giving his sarcastic smile. "But I'm actually really hungry since I haven't eaten in like… A day. So if we could get going soon, that'd be great."

Casey bit her lip. No part of her wanted to admit she was enjoying the company and that she was loathing the thought of sleeping completely alone in that hospital room. Derek could feel it too, her nervousness and how uneasy she felt about being alone. Unfortunately, there was nothing for him to do except think about nice things to say to her, only to end up saying none of them; because that was useful!

"Casey, you're coming home with us this weekend, okay? You too, Derek." Nora told them, holding her daughter's hand carefully to avoid touching her IV.

"Really?" Casey smiled, remembering how good it would feel to be back in her own bed, even if it was just temporary.

"Yes! Mrs. Hastings agreed it would be best for you to get better at home with us. We'll come pick you up tomorrow, okay?"

Casey nodded, her eyes still drowsy with sleep, suddenly begging her to close them. They both said their goodbyes to her shortly after a nurse came in to warn them that their time had run out and that they would have to leave now. Derek was last to leave, dragging himself slowly around the room.

"Happy birthday, Case."

He ended up saying, just before he awkwardly waved at her and closed the door behind him.

Casey burrowed her head on the uncomfortable hospital pillow. Maybe it was the after-surgery medically induced bliss talking, but she felt fine. Even though it had been one of the most chaotic days of her life, around her it all seemed good still. She was seventeen and a bit lonely, but everything wasn't so bad after all. And may this last, because I need something good.