Tales of the Falls
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
...III...
GET OUT, YOU SPOILED BRAT!
Screams Wendy as she throws a naked Pacifica out the window-
IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!
She screams before landing in a briar bush...
Wendy groans, this was the FIFTH time this week Pacifica had successfully snuck in to have sex with Dipper...between keeping Dipper safe and finding an alternate cure for his issues(there was no way she was going to rely solely on a cure that that bitch Pacifica had 'promised'.), she was exhausted! And the constant misunderstandings with her father weren't helping either...
...
"HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTERS 'TWINS'!"
"EWW! DAD HE WAS JUST MASSAGING MY FEET!"
...
But awkwardness aside, Wendy was on another mission. She read how a Gobblewonkers was considered a deity by the local tribes, and using ancient tribal paintings the author theorized that one of the offerings given to the beast may have been the legendary 'wishing stone'...again, bit of a longshot...but so was the whole thing with the gnomes and it...sorta panned out, didn't it?
...whatever, she had no other ideas, and Dipper needed help. So she had Soos take her to the middle of the lake...it was a foggy day, the only other ship about seemed to be an old trawler passing by...
"Okay, Soos. Where's this expert on the Gobblewonker you said you knew?"
"Ta-da!" Shouts Soos as he reveals Old Man Mcgucket. "Sorry I was late my Racoon wife gave me babbies...or Rabbies...which one is which again?"
Wendy just blinks at the elderly man briefly...then chuckles nervously, "Right...have to get back to you on that...could you excuse us for a moment?" She quickly drags Soos to the other side of the Boat.
"REALLY, Soos? MCGUCKET?!" She snarled annoyed.
"Well, he said he knew things about the Gobblewonker." Offered Soos with innocent sincerity. "He also 'knows' 100 different ways to keep gremlins out of his head!" Said Wendy sarcastically.
Soos frowned, "Wait...I thought Gremlins actually did exist? Along with all the other magical creatures that the Northwests now control?" He asked confused.
Wendy blinked baffled, "What, no- Yes, I mean- Look, that's different!"
"Is it? "Asked Soos, "Mcgucket has been going on about weird critters running around for years, many of which turned out to be REAL. Maybe just...I don't know, I'm just saying...is what he says really 'insane' anymore? Maybe...maybe at least give him the benefit of the doubt?"
Wendy frowned...but thought about what he said... "huh...that's actually a pretty good point...okay, you know what? Why not? Crazier things have happened!"
"Like a bunch of crazy looking woman tying up mcgucket and taking over the ship?" Asked Soos.
"Yeah, like a bunch of crazy woman tying up mcgucket- Wait, what? What are you talking about Soos?"
Soos suddenly went very pale, "Uh..." Wendy also went pales... "That's...happening, right now and behind me. Isn't it?" She asked with dread.
"Indeed", said a new voice behind her. "Hands in the air and turn around slowly."
Wendy gulped, but obliged...sure enough, there were many crazy looking woman pouring out of the trawler from earlier onto the ship...all of which were now pointing guns at her.
"Don't worry guys, I got this!" Shouts a tied up Mcguket as he pulls some car keys from his pocket and clicks the car alarm button several times. "Shut up, patriarch scum!" Snapped a woman as she kicks him in the face.
"Whoa, okay. Look, we don't want any trouble, just take our money and the boat and we'll swim to shore, deal?"
"We don't want your money, TRAITOR. And it's a bit late to NOT want trouble." Wendy looks at them confused, "Wha- Traitor? I don't even know you people!"
"No, but you know one of our daughters, Mable."
Wendy's eyes went wide, "Wait, your part of the commune?" "No, but the commune is one of many chapters...chapters which thanks to you are being taken down one by one!
"Wait, what? I thought I only busted the one!"
There was a grown from one of the more elderly woman, "For the love of...kids today...haven't you been watching the news?"
Wendy frowned, putting aside how busy she'd been taking care of Dipper...well...like most kids her age if it wasn't cool, sexy, or exploding she wasn't interested...
Another woman shook her head, "Never mind. The commune you busted happened to be one of our main administration hubs, usually the sensitive information is more compartmentalized and encrypted...but apparently the commune mistress had grown cocky and arrogant..long story short, your interference set in motion a chain of events that lead to half of our sisterhood's operations shut down within a week!"
Wendy knew this was the part where she was supposed to say something badass or awesome...but honestly, she was too busy trying to keep herself from wetting herself with all those guns pointed at her...
"Soon, you and that 'boy'- she spat out the name like it was a curse -will be dead-
"WHAT!? Your going to kill Dipper? Hasn't he suffered enough?" Exclaimed Wendy suddenly.
"His kind cannot suffer enough! Nor will all traitors who support his ilk! Despite all the setbacks you've thrown at us, our sisterhood WILL rise again! From your corpse we will arise anew!"
"Ewww!" Said Soos.
"Silence! Although Traitor. As a fellow female we shall still give you an honorable death. Sisters, on my mark! Ready, aim, fi-
ROAR!
SPLASH!
Suddenly a giant sea monster sprang from the depths. Mcgucket looked at his car clicker confused, "Huh, that should'a got here quicker, maybe short circuit?
CRASH!
The last thing Wendy saw before everything went dark for the entire ship being body slammed by the creature...
...
Wendy groaned as she awoke...she looked around and saw she was in some underground cavern...next to a underground lake...inside a giant nest with-
"NEST!" Exclaimed Wendy excited, maybe this was the Gobblewonkers nest...she quickly looked through it...
"skull, license plate, seashell bra- BINGO!" She picks up the weird glowing stone excited, "I WISH DIPPER WAS SAFE FROM BEING KILLED AND HEALED!" She shouts and gives a hard squeeze-
SPLASH!
Suddenly it squirts water at her, envelops her...and leaves her completely naked. "What the- Just...WHAT? Why did it- Then she reads an inscription on the bottom.
To whoever finds this and see this enchanted inscription:
I'm sorry to say that more likely then not you are just on of many to confuse the 'Wishing stone' with the lesser known 'washing stone'.
Try not to feel so bad, your not the first. They do look relatively the same and were made by the same group of esoteric monks.
Fear not for your clothes, they shall return to you in 24 hours squeaky clean and repaired!
Wendy's eye twitched, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" She went through all that...left Dipper ALONE and undefended...for NOTHING!?
Angrily she threw the stone away and jumped into the lake in hopes she could swim back to the main lake. She immediately squealed! IT WAS COLD! SO COLD! Even if she weren't naked she wouldn't be able to swim it!
She shivered, she was so cold! She needed SOME covering, ANY covering! she sees that seashell bra again...she shrugs as it was better then nothing and put it on-
ZAP!
And now she was a mermaid...
Wendy blinked...then blinked...then blinked again...She sighed, "You know what? I give up...I'm just going to write this frack as 'magic' and move on..."
As the cold water no longer affected her she started to head out...then saw the washing stone again...seeing how she went through so much trouble to get it she figured she might as well take it...also she wanted to make sure she got her hat back.
It took some trial and error, but she found out how to work her tail- avoided the hungry looking Gobblewonker returning home. she was soon on the shore...where another broken gobblewonker machine lay next to an exhausted Soos and Macgucket?
Again, Wendy only briefly considers this odd situation before refocusing on saving Dipper. Sadly, she has to take off her bra to turn back to normal. So she's forced to run naked to her house...which is surrounded by commune fanatics being beaten up by magical creatures?!
"Wait, what!?" Shouted the baffled red-head.
Turns out Pacifica had been in the middle of yet another round of loving with Dipper when the fanatics attacked, she used her specail horn to summon for aide...
...since she'd saved Dipper and her family, Wendy gave her a one-time pass and allowed her to leave without issue...after they left, she put the two new magical items in her hope chest(Tambry bought it for her last birthday as a gag gift) along with the journal and fell naked on her bed, cuddled up with an equally naked Dipper and went to sleep...
...
Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location. "It's official, the American branch is faltering...
"That branch was frankly in need of pruning anyway, they were a disgrace!"
"Enough! Obviously we need to send a group of specialists in to asses the damage and salvage what they can...or failing that at least erase any connection to us."
Agreed, "Team Harpie will be dispatched to the US immediately..."
...III…...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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