Post-Life Rock Revivalism: Part 2
After a brief walk through town, Dipper and Mabel eventually arrived at a house on Chambrot Drive, the same street where Abuelita and Soos used to live before moving into the Mystery Shack. The street was a very common residential area for elders, bordering just on the edge of a retirement community. So it wasn't that much of a coincidence that just further down the block was the residence belonging to Derrick's granddad.
The place was a small two-story wooden cottage. It had a chain-link fence surrounding the perimeter. The yard was particularly overgrown with tall grass, giving off the impression it wasn't regularly maintained.
"Here we are- Derrick's grandpa's place," Dipper formally declared as he and Mabel walked up to the front door. He extended his hand out to knock but stopped as his eyes glared at Mabel.
"What?" she asked, catching his glare.
"You're gonna be on your best behavior, right?" he asked.
"Of course!" she nodded. "I'm always on my best behavior!"
Dipper raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"
"C'mon, why are you picking me out like this?" she asked, folding her arms.
"I just don't want any fights when we go inside."
"Well, you knew what you were getting into by bringing me here. I'll be nice, but if he upsets me, then I won't be responsible for my actions," she warned him as she cracked her knuckles in preparation.
Dipper sighed. "Let's just prevent it from getting to that instead, please?" he asked before leaning forward and knocking on the front door.
"I don't think I've ever met Derrick's grandpa before," Mabel admitted.
"I have. He's, uh… quite the character."
Mabel rubbed her chin curiously. "Let me guess- a drunken sociopath who kicks puppies!"
"Creative, but I wouldn't bet on it," Dipper said.
The door finally unlocked and opened up. Standing in front of them was an elderly man, likely in his eighties. He was thin, tall, and had a cane. He looked somewhat frail and untidy as far as his appearance went, but his wide cheery smile gave off a very friendly aura.
"Visitors!" he said excitedly as he adjusted his glasses. "Ah, and they're youthful! I'm guessin' you two fellas are here for Derrick?"
"Yes, Mr. Mendez," Dipper nodded. "Actually, it's me, Dipper."
"Who?"
Dipper stared at him oddly. "Um, Dipper, sir? Dipper Pines?"
Mr. Mendez scratched his head in confusion. "What do I need a digger for?"
"No, no, I said Dipper," he clarified yet again.
"Dopper?"
"DIPPER. Dipper. Pines."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have anymore Dottin' Dips. Maybe next Christmas," Mr. Mendez replied.
Dipper facepalmed frustratedly. "Look, I'm Derrick's friend from Piedmont."
"Oh! Dippy!" Mr. Mendez finally realized. "Now I remember ya! You're Derrick's friend from Piedmont!"
Dipper stared at him with wide, irritated eyes, which started to twitch. Meanwhile, Mabel was trying her hardest not to laugh right beside him as she just stood quietly watching the whole exchange.
"Come in, come in!" Mr. Mendez allowed as he stepped out of the way. As the two walked inside, he closed the door behind them before looking over at Mabel. "And what's your name?"
"Oh, I'm Mabel!" she said, enthusiastically offering her hand to shake. "I'm Dippy's twin sister, and I sometimes wanna punch your grandson in the face!"
"Well, nice to meet you, Mabel!" he told her as he shook her hand, seemingly missing the last part of her greeting.
"Oh, so you heard that?" Dipper annoyedly asked.
"Anyway, I was just in the middle of watchin' my favorite movie- The Darkness!" Mr. Mendez said as he walked over to his chair in the living room.
"I don't think I've ever heard of that movie before," Mabel said.
"Well, that's a surprise. They play it all the time on the black box," Mr. Mendez said as he sat down in the living room sofa chair.
"You mean the television?" Mabel asked.
"Gazuntite," he told her as he looked forward at the TV. "Ah, just in time for my favorite part."
Mabel looked up at the television and instantly raised a confused eyebrow. The screen was nothing but pure black, with no static or any other sign of actual power.
"Uh, Dipper, the TV's not even on," she said to him quietly in concern.
"Trust me, I'm like ninety percent sure he knows," Dipper assured her.
Mr. Mendez suddenly broke out laughing at the blank screen. "Haha! That was a good one!" he humorously exclaimed. "Oh, where are my manners?" He got up from his seat and walked over into the kitchen with his cane. From the fridge, he then pulled out two small packaged cups of ice cream dots, labeled Dottin' Dips. "Here, Happy Independence Day!" he said as he handed each of them a cup.
Mabel took the cup and stared at it in awe. "He gave me ice cream. I have no choice but to like him now," she said before unwrapping the cup and dumping a bunch of ice-cold dots in her mouth, not even remotely concerned about getting a brain freeze.
"Hang on, I thought you said you didn't have any more of those?" Dipper recalled.
"Oh, I lied! I was waiting for that other boy with the cap to go away," Mr. Mendez said before analyzing Dipper's appearance and pine tree cap. "Hey, come to think of it, you look just like him. Weird…"
Dipper narrowed his eyes, having lost enough of his patience already. "Is Derrick upstairs?"
Mr. Mendez rubbed his chin, thinking hard about the question. "No, but I think he's on the floor above us."
Dipper silently stared at him for yet another moment. It was a good thing he had a filter, as the words racing through his mind were not particularly polite.
"...thank you, Mr. Mendez…" he said before turning around and walking up the staircase behind them without accepting his Dottin' Dips.
Mabel followed as she kept eating from her cup, feeling much more content compared to Dipper at that moment. "Seriously, how is that sweet old man related to Derrick?"
As they reached the second floor, they walked down another hallway leading to a few different rooms, with one closed door at the other end. Dipper recognized this as Derrick's room, having visited his place before, and walked toward it with Mabel beside him. Though, as they walked through the hall, the two could feel the walls vibrating around them. Not like an earthquake, but like a bassy sound that pulsated through their bodies as well. It only got more intense the closer they got to the room.
"What's that coming from?" Mabel asked.
Dipper was just as uncertain as she was. "I don't know…"
Reaching the room at the end of the hall, Dipper put his hand on the doorknob and opened it slowly. As the two peered inside, they both spotted Derrick sat in a chair with his shoes kicked up on a computer desk. In his lap, he held a bass guitar hooked up to an amplifier. In the corner of the room, a hard rock song played loudly from a turntable as he played along to it with his bass.
"Woah," Dipper said, surprised.
"Phew!" Mabel said. "Thank God. He's not in his underwear."
"Hey, Derrick!" Dipper called out to him across the room, trying to make himself heard over the loud music and amplified bass playing.
Derrick stopped playing and turned in his seat, glancing back at them. He looked slightly surprised to see them, but got up from his chair and walked to the corner of the room to lower the turntable volume.
"Oh, hey, Dipper," he greeted. "And Sparkles…" he greeted less enthusiastically. Mabel simply blew air through her nose in response.
"Hey, you never told me you played bass," Dipper said.
"That's because I didn't play before," Derrick clarified as he walked back to his chair, picking his bass back up and tuning it. "I just picked it up this summer. My entertainment options are pretty scarce here. As you know, I don't have my cellphone on me. But beyond that, internet's limited here, video games get kinda boring after a while, and my granddad hogs the television over half the time."
"He doesn't even watch anything though," Mabel reminded.
"You may think he isn't, but trust me, in his head, he is. I have no idea what, but he is."
"So where'd you get this bass?" Dipper asked, getting back to the subject.
"I actually went searching through the attic, and I found this and a bunch of other music stuff," Derrick said, gesturing toward his bass and some boxes beside him. "Turns out he used to be in a band a long time ago."
"No way. Were they any good?" Dipper asked.
"Nope. They were terrible," Derrick said bluntly as he pulled one of the boxes over. "I listened to one of their old records that I found here. It's just a sad attempt at '50s rock and roll. Maybe the songs could've been kind of good, but literally everybody in the band was out of time. I don't think any of them knew what a metronome was."
"Is that one of those ticky thingies?" Mabel asked.
Derrick gave a slightly annoyed sigh. "Yes… it's one of those ticky thingies…"
"Well, I mean, that's cool you're learning an instrument I guess," Dipper said. "You already know that I used to play tuba in middle school band class. That's pretty much the only instrument I ever picked up."
"That's not true! There was also that one time you tried to play guitar," Mabel reminded, elbowing him in the shoulder teasingly. "Remember?"
[Four Summers Ago]
Sometime early in the summer, a twelve-year-old Dipper approached the Mystery Shack with an acoustic guitar in his hands. It was a bit of a struggle to carry, as the guitar's large body was bigger than his head. A smaller size to meet his height was almost entirely necessary. Regardless, he managed to carry it up the porch with him, smiling confidently as he stood by the front door.
"Robbie thinks he's so cool knowing how to play guitar. Well, just wait until he sees he's not the only one impressing Wendy with his skills," he said to himself. "She's gonna think it's so cool that I've learned how to play 'Hot Cross Buns' in just four days!"
SLAM!
The door suddenly swung open, smacking right into him and pinning him behind it against the wall. From inside, a hyper Mabel came skipping out with Wendy walking behind her.
"...and then he jumped backward onto a horse and rode into the sunset! Or maybe to his death. We don't really know," she finished telling Wendy. "Moral of the story is to use peanut brittle to help you sustain life and escape death."
"Huh. So that's why I found Soos bathing in a tub of peanut brittle when I came in this morning," Wendy realized.
From behind them, Dipper kicked the door off of him, freeing himself. In his hands, he found the acoustic guitar busted up with the neck completely snapped off from the body.
"No, no, no! This was a rental!" he said with growing panic as he tried to fit the neck back onto where it snapped off.
"Oh, hey Dipper!" Mabel greeted as she and Wendy turned around.
Wendy glanced at the guitar in his hands with slight concern. "Yikes. Dude, is that your guitar?"
Dipper's eyes widened in panic. "Uh… no!" he quickly denied. "Of course not! Pfft... I don't play guitar! I just… found this out here. Was gonna go and give it to Stan for like… an attraction or something…"
"Huh," Wendy said, looking on at the guitar. "Yeah, I guess I can see it."
"Yeah, he'll probably use it as, like, a shell over some poor beheaded creature and call it the Guiturtle or something," Mabel humorously suggested.
Wendy chuckled. "Haha, yeah. Or maybe something like a Gila-tar. Eh?"
"Oh, you!" Mabel said, greatly amused as she threw her hand forward.
Wendy laughed along with her for a moment before her eyes looked to the side, realizing a large number of amusement attractions being built in the near distance from the Shack. "Hey, is that a funfair?" she asked as she ran off the porch to go check it out.
"Funfair?!" Mabel repeated as she looked around excitedly before following. "Fun-where?!"
Dipper was left on his own on the porch, left with his broken rental guitar in hand.
"Aaand I'm going back to tuba," he claimed before carelessly dropping the broken guitar on the floor. With a slightly dejected sigh, he looked up and ran off the porch to catch up with the girls. "So what's this about a funfair?"
[Present]
"You just had to bring that up," Dipper said, narrowing his eyes at Mabel for that reminder.
"It felt relevant," Mabel said with an amused smile.
"Anyways, what brings you guys by my place like this all of sudden?" Derrick asked while continuing to play his bass at a low volume.
"Well, knowing you, I figured you might be able to help us with something," Dipper said.
"How so?"
"Well, you listen to a lot of rock music, right?" Dipper asked.
"Oh, you know it," Derrick nodded as he put his bass to the side again, grabbing another box from the side. "In fact, one of the coolest parts about searching through the attic was finding my granddad's old album collection. He used to collect all types of rock albums. Dozens of different rock artists from different subgenres and I recognized just about all of them."
"Dang. I knew you were into rock music, but I didn't know you were this well-versed in it," Dipper admitted.
"Of course. I'm super into the history of rock and the various eras it went through. The '40s and '50s came out with old school rock and roll. Then, the '60s came in with a revolution in psychedelic rock. Then the '70s came, ushering in the dawn of heavy metal, my personal favorite. Even the '90s were great with the start of alternative rock."
"What about the '80s?" Mabel asked.
"We don't talk about the '80s. The '80s sucked."
She narrowed her eyes. "Hmm... So were you just born to embody everything I hate or...?"
"But yeah, I love rock music," Derrick continued while dismissing Mabel. "And this is pretty much all I've been up to today. No better way to celebrate the Fourth of July than sitting back all day blasting old American hard rock bands."
Mabel paid close attention to the song currently playing on the turntable in the background. To her, it sounded like an unspecial rock song with lots of screaming and overblown riffs. "This just sounds like the song they play in every car commercial."
"Yeah, us rock fans are not represented well in modern times…" Derrick admitted somewhat dejectedly.
"Well, since you're so into rock, I'm sure you're familiar with the band 2 Def I, right?" Dipper prompted.
Derrick's eyes suddenly lit up as a wide smile grew across his face. "HELL YEAH, I AM!"
Dipper flinched. "Wow, okay, not the reaction I was expecting, but alright."
"DUDE! 2 Def I's, like, my favorite band of all time!" Derrick shouted, shooting up from his seat excitedly. "Rodney Rox's vocals are nuts! After him, there's Jackman Hue, who's a guitar GOD! Then there's Vinnie Axel, the quiet, yet vulgar-mouthed bassist from Australia who can play with his tongue! And last, there's Max Manic, whose talent lies in drumming and definitely not writing songs," he described. "But yeah, those guys are just awesome! I didn't know you had such taste too, Dip. I thought you hated rock."
Dipper awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well… yeah, I kind of still do."
"Oh," Derrick said as all of his excitement left him to be replaced with immediate disappointment.
"This isn't about me though," Dipper continued. "I came to you because we have a friend who's trying to recreate a memory that involved seeing 2 Def I long ago, and I knew you'd probably know about them. So maybe you have an idea of whether we might be able to book them?"
"Okay, first of all- you came to me thinking I could help you BOOK 2 Def I?" Derrick asked, raising an eyebrow at the sheer absurdity of his plan.
"Well, yeah. We heard they play small venues, so doesn't that mean they're kind of a lesser-known band or something?" Dipper asked.
"Are you kidding me?! They were one of the biggest rock bands in the world!"
"Wait… were?" Mabel asked.
"Oh, yeah. Second of all- they're DEAD!" Derrick told them.
"Huh," Dipper said casually at this revelation. "You know, in hindsight, maybe I should've just researched all of this myself."
"Starting to wonder why mom and dad ever got you that smartphone," Mabel remarked somewhat annoyedly.
"Wait, so hang on, they're dead?" Dipper questioned. "But we heard they were still playing just years ago."
"They were playing years ago," Derrick emphasized. "All of them died during their last North American tour."
"All of them?" Dipper repeated. "What the hell happened?"
"Word has it that they all got wasted after their last concert and then drove their tour bus off a cliff," Derrick explained. "Depressing day, but that's rock and roll, man."
"What do you mean by 'word has it?'" Mabel asked curiously. "You mean it wasn't confirmed?"
"Yeah, it's kind of a mystery. Their bodies were never found, and neither was their bus," he explained. "But they haven't turned up since, so the general consensus is that they had to have died. No band as crazy as they were just decides to go quiet all of a sudden."
"And when was this?" Dipper asked.
"Seven years ago," he answered. "They all went missing after their last concert in some city in Oregon. I forget the name..."
Dipper and Mabel proceeded to turn to one another with unimpressed and slightly irked faces as they both had the same immediate realization.
"OF COURSE! GRAVITY FREAKIN' FALLS! BECAUSE WHY NOT?!" Derrick shouted as he paced around angrily.
From Mr. Mendez's residence, the three teens had taken a long trip all the way to the outside edge of the valley into the deep woods hundreds of feet below the hanging cliffs. After a decent search aided by Dipper's trajectory calculations, the three eventually stumbled upon the remnants of 2 Def I's crashed tour bus from seven years ago. The bus itself was hardly recognizable as the paint job was covered in rust and overgrowth. But the shape kept intact, along with parts of the band's name and logo that were on display.
And without the need to get too close, the three spotted four decomposed skeletal bodies within black leather clothing among the crash. All of whom Derrick was easily able to identify as the members of the band.
Despite how sunny it was, the trees were tall enough, large enough, and abundant enough to cast a multitude of dark shadows with very few sun rays being able to pierce through. The darkness aided the feeling of eeriness that already came from looking upon the skeletal remains of the four band members. Despite the unsettling sight, it was Derrick who reacted the most emotionally to the discovery.
"I can't believe it," Derrick said frustratedly as he continued pacing around. "I just CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
"Hah. He's so mad," Mabel chuckled.
"OF COURSE I AM! I'm just figuring out my all-time favorite band died at the bottom of a cliff in the ONE TOWN I've neglected since middle school!" he ranted. "To top it off, these guys have been here for seven years! I've only been in this town for like a month! HOW ARE WE THE FIRST PEOPLE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?! You'd think with driving off a cliff being the main running theory that any investigators would actually… I don't know… CHECK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LARGEST CLIFFS FOR MILES!"
He then took a moment to catch his breath after his long rant. As he did so, Dipper walked up to him and calmly patted him on the back.
"Are you good?" he asked.
Derrick sighed. "Now I am."
Dipper turned back to the scene itself. "Well, here they are- the remains of 2 Def I."
Mabel sniffed the surrounding air. "And they still reek of liquor and B.O. even after rotting for seven years."
"That's the rock and roll life," Derrick said. "Once you live it, it never quite goes away."
"Gross," Mabel said.
"Yeah, no, I agree. That's disgusting," Dipper nodded with a slightly repulsed look.
"It is what it is," Derrick shrugged. "And as it is, here lies some of the most talented musicians of the last century."
Mabel's eyes suddenly lit up. "Last century…" she repeated to herself before glancing over at her brother. "Dipper, you could use the zombie spell to bring them back!"
"Wait, what?" Dipper questioned.
"Say what now?" Derrick asked as he overheard them. "You could bring 2 Def I back to life?"
"I mean… kind of, I guess," Dipper said, scratching his head with uncertainty. "But why should I do that?"
"Because if we bring the band back, we could get them to help Thompson recreate his memory so he and the others can be friends again!" Mabel explained.
"As zombies though?"
"The spell said it would keep their intelligence and stuff intact," she reminded him. "Wouldn't that also mean their ability to play music?"
Dipper looked back at the decomposed corpses. "I guess, theoretically."
"Dude, if you brought 2 Def I back to life… I don't know what I'd do," Derrick said as he considered the mere possibility of it. "I might cry or faint or scream a lot. Maybe even soil myself. Or all of the above."
"I don't know. It just seems kind of risky to just bring them back for our own needs," Dipper said hesitantly. "And what happened to being responsible? Using a zombie spell to bring a rock band back from the dead is NOT being responsible."
"Look, maybe it isn't, but Thompson is counting on us, Dipper. Do you really think I want to bring back smelly, alcoholic rock zombies for myself? We're doing this for Thompson, not us," Mabel reinforced. "And you know that he deserves a win more than either of us."
"I mean, sure," Dipper admitted. "But we don't even know if it'll work or if it does as intended."
Mabel turned back to the skeletons on the ground. "Only one way to find out then."
Dipper looked back at the skeletons as well before letting out a conflicted sigh. Mabel was right in that what they were doing was purely to help Thompson, but he still had no clue if what they were doing was truly smart or not. Regardless, he dug into his hoodie pocket, pulled out the spell, and unfolded it in his hands.
"I guess so," he said.
With the spell in hand, he took a few steps toward the band's remains. At the same time, the wind blew around him ominously, which also helped him catch a stronger whiff of the band's various remaining odors, much to his revulsion. Mabel and Derrick stood back, watching him carefully. Derrick was much tenser than she was, feeling a bit of excitement within his unease. Still, he tried to keep a cool head.
"Alright. Here goes nothing…" Dipper announced as he looked down at the spell on the page. Holding a hand out forward, he read the incantation at the bottom of the page aloud. "Cadaverium Resurrectus! Sapience Remedium! Repeatus Plotus! REQUISITO MORTALITUM!"
WOOOOOSH!
Upon finishing the spell, a large burst of wind suddenly burst from Dipper's held out hand, blowing powerfully over the corpses. At the same time, the unexpected burst was hard enough to send Dipper flying backward, rolling on the ground a few feet back.
"DIPPER!" Mabel shouted receptively as she and Derrick both ran to his side in concern. Kneeling down, she pulled him up by his arm and sat him up straight. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he nodded, rubbing his head as he got back up on his feet. "Wasn't anticipating that to happen."
"What did you do?" Derrick asked.
"The spell, I think," he said. "Did it even work?"
"I think we're about to find out…" Mabel said just as she looked over her shoulder.
As the three turned back, they looked in surprise to see the skeletal remains of the four band members start to glow blue auras around them. Additionally, they started to slowly float upward in the air.
Derrick stared up with growing shock. "What the-"
All of a sudden, flesh started to regrow around the band's bones until the band had actual skin again. Among their skin, their hair also slowly grew back, as well as their other facial features. Surprisingly, even their former markings and cosmetics came back as well, such as tattoos and piercings. Their eyes regenerated green, glowing, and without pupils.
As each of them fit back into their old outfits, they once again resembled their formerly alive selves. No longer were they deceased skeletons. Instead, they were essentially zombified humans, sporting pale green skin and glowing green eyes.
Once the regenerative process finished, their blue auras faded and their bodies dropped back to the ground. They all laid motionless for a moment as Dipper, Mabel, and Derrick simply stared on at them, waiting for something to happen.
Suddenly, all of them started to move. Sprawled out on the ground, they all groaned and squirmed about exhaustedly.
"Ugh… man," Rodney Rox said as he sat up, holding onto his head. "That might just be the worst hangover I've ever had in my life."
Behind him, Vinnie Axel pulled himself up holding his stomach. "Agh… no kidding. I actually feel dead inside."
"Gee, what else is new?" Max Manic remarked right as he sat up beside Vinnie.
"You watch your mouth, mate," Vinnie threatened.
Max's glowing eyes widened as he looked around at the others. "Wait… WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU GUYS GREEN?!"
"What are you talking abou- WOAH-OH-OH, NOT SO PLEASANT CHILD O' MINE!" Rodney shouted as he turned back toward the others. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYES?! WHY ARE THEY GLOWING?!"
Jackson Hue was last to get up, but quickest to react. "OH GOD, YOUR EYES ARE GLOWING TOO!" he shouted as he looked back at Rodney.
Hearing this, Rodney pulled out a pocket mirror from his leather pants. As he opened it and looked at himself, he let out a loud and feminine shriek in horror. "WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?!"
"Did we really drink that much?" Vinnie asked, not quite as frantic as the others.
Before answering, Jackson turned around and noticed the remains of their tour bus. "Wait… WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR BUS?!"
Rodney took a moment to think about it. "Last thing I remember, Max was driving us up a cliff while downing a bottle of-" He paused. "Ah, crap, we're dead, aren't we?"
"Actually…" Dipper began, intervening amidst the band's panic. "I think the more appropriate term would be undead."
"AH!" Rodney screamed, jumping back mid-startle as he and the rest of the band turned to Dipper and Mabel. "What the…? Who the hell are you? Are you fans? Go away! This REALLY ain't the time for autographs!"
"No, no! It's okay! We're not fans," Dipper assured, shaking his head.
Rodney's eyebrows raised. "Wait, really?" he asked. "Huh. Ya know, I'm actually kind of disappointed now. I was hoping you two were fans."
"But you just told us to go away if we were," Mabel pointed out.
"Yeah, but the self-gratification woulda been nice," Rodney admitted.
"Uh, Rod…" Max prompted. "Don't ya think we should go back to worrying about being dead?"
"Oh, right," Rodney remembered. "Where was I? Oh, yeah! AAAHH, WE'RE DEAD! WE DIED! WE'RE GOING TO HELL! OH GOD NO PLEASE-"
"Hey, calm down!" Dipper cut off. "I just told you guys that you aren't dead!"
Rodney stared at him blankly for a second. "We're not?"
"Uh, you do realize you guys are literally talking to us right now, right?" Mabel reminded them.
"Well, how do I know this ain't just a prank?" Rodney asked with the fold of his arms.
Dipper stared at him, visibly struggling to formulate a response. "I…" He shook his head dismissively. "Look, you guys are not dead! Well… not really. You guys are zombies."
Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Zombies?"
"Pfft… yeah, okay, kid," Max said in disbelief, stepping forward. "Now we know you're just pulling our leg."
"Actually, he isn't," Mabel said.
She then leaned forward, grabbing hold of Max's leg and proceeding to rip it off with her own strength.
"AAAAAAAAAAHH!" he screamed in horror, falling backward on his rear as he stared at his ripped limb.
Mabel held his zombified leg in her hands with a playful smile. "But I am!"
"Okay… little much, Mabel," Dipper told her, visibly disturbed by the sight.
"Sorry," Mabel said. She then kneeled back down and put Max's leg back into place, returning it to how it was before. "Was the pun good though?"
"Actually, it was one of your better ones," Dipper admitted.
"Worth it!"
With his leg back in place, Max managed to stand back up with little issue, much to his surprise. To greater shock, the brief leg loss wasn't even all that messy. There was hardly any blood or other fluids that spilled out.
"Wait… that didn't even hurt me," he realized.
"We told you. You're zombies," Dipper repeated.
"You guys still have your brains, but your flesh and insides are weak enough to get pulled apart by a teenage girl with a bedazzle obsession," Mabel said with an amused smirk.
"Well, I'll be damned," Rodney said. "I'm amazed, yet too terrified to try and make any sense of this."
"That's fair. We'd be here all day if we tried to give you a sensical explanation," Dipper nodded.
"It would more than likely end in four panic attacks anyway," Mabel added.
"So who even are you kids?" Rodney asked.
"My name's Dipper, and this is my sister, Mabel," Dipper gestured. "And right here behind us is my friend, Derrick."
"HABBADAGABADABLABBAB…" Derrick babbled incomprehensibly, allowing the band to finally notice him behind the twins.
"On the bright side, he's a fan, and a really big one," Dipper quickly clarified for them.
Rodney raised an eyebrow in interest. "Is that so?"
Derrick shook nervously as he took a step up to the band. "I can't believe it… Y-You're Rodney Rox! Legendary frontman of renowned rock band, 2 Def I!" he said with a wide smile and enlarged pupils. "I've idolized you since I was four! I can't BELIEVE this! You're ALIVE! And you're standing mere feet away from me! OH MY GOD!"
Rodney couldn't help but smirk at his excitement. "Heh. Appreciate it, kid. Always great to see the youth still enjoying our old sounds."
"Are you kidding?! You guys lived and breathed the best years of rock and roll! You're legends in every possible way!" Derrick marveled at the band's presence. "Jackson Hue... your incredible thirty-minute live guitar solo back at the Madison Square Garden show in 1978 remains the only piece of music I've ever listened to that's given me an emotional breakdown. I'm absolutely honored to be breathing the same air as you right now."
"Actually, I have no idea if I'm even breathing right now believe it or not. This zombie stuff is weird," Jackson replied. "But thanks, brother. I'm surprised you even know about that solo. We never released that concert as far as I'm aware."
"I've heard high-quality bootlegs online," Derrick admitted. "No offense, but the overdubs on the official live albums are kind of painful to listen to."
"THANK YOU! HOLY HELL, I'VE BEEN TELLING THE OTHERS THOSE OVERDUBBED MIXES ARE TRASH!" Jackson shouted with a great sense of vindication. "God, why couldn't we have just put out a concert with GOOD performances? We have the soundboards! It's not hard!"
Derrick then turned beside him. "And Max Manic! Well, uh… your songs actually kind of suck… but hey, your drum skills more than make up for it! Err… no offense, by the way."
"Ha! None taken, kid," Max chuckled earnestly. "The band already gave me the talk about my songs after we shot the music video for 'Like Naked Cats.'"
"Yeah… I still have no idea why you guys made that video…" Derrick said as he awkwardly recalled his discomfort from watching said video.
"Neither do we, man. Neither do we."
"And Vinnie!" Derrick excitedly turned to next. "Please call me one of your iconic Australian swears. I'm BEGGING you. It would complete me."
Vinnie stroked his chin curiously. "Hmm. Must admit, it's been a mighty long time since I last used one. Media was all over my arse last time. But... so as long as there aren't any cameras around..." He cleared his throat. "How's about you bugger off, you $#&! ?"
Derrick's smile at that moment couldn't possibly get any wider. "This is it. I've peaked. My life literally cannot get better than this. I could die now, and I would be fine with it. Please, God, kill me now."
From behind, Dipper stood looking on at Derrick very unusually. For as long as he's known him, he had never seen him as ecstatic as he was at that moment.
"Okay, I don't know what's weirder- the zombie rock band or Derrick being happy about something," he wondered aloud.
"I know, right?" Mabel agreed. "This is like the first time I've seen him have an actual personality!"
"Well, at least we have the band back now," Dipper said.
"So, what's next?" Mabel asked.
Dipper took a moment to think about it. Although that moment didn't last long, as the band started to move on from Derrick's excitement.
"Ya know, as amusing as all of this has been, we can't just stand here in the woods forever," Rodney claimed.
"Yeah, does anyone have a cell phone?" Jackson asked. "We need to contact our manager to tell him we're alive and get the story straight to the public."
"No, wait! You can't!" Dipper quickly denied as he jumped in front of them.
"We can't?" Rodney asked.
Vinnie raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"
Dipper looked back at the band members nervously. "I mean, uh… you can't contact your manager all the way out here. There's no reception."
"Yeah!" Mabel nodded, following his lead. "You should let us take you guys back into town! In fact, we know where to get you all a direct phone line with your manager."
Despite appearing suspicious of them a moment ago, Rodney seemed content with this suggestion. "Sounds like a plan. We'll follow you kids."
"Great! Right this way!" Dipper announced as he took lead, walking through the forest as the others followed.
"Hey, maybe on the way there, you guys could tell some old tour stories that you've never shared before," Derrick suggested, squeezing his way back into the conversation. "Surely after living the rockstar life, you guys have something to tell."
"Oh boy, do we!" Rodney said, eyes widening excitedly. "There was this one time when we ran into Ozzy Osbourne outside our venue… and right away, you KNOW it's going to get crazy."
Derrick could hardly contain his excitement, clenching his fists giddily. "God, I must be dreaming. Somebody, please punch me in the face or something!"
WHAM!
Without even giving it a second thought, Mabel quickly jumped on the opportunity and decked him in the face, sending him straight to the ground while stopping the others in their tracks.
"MABEL!" Dipper yelled disapprovingly.
"What? He literally asked for it," she said, shrugging innocently.
"It's okay, Dipper. She's right," Derrick ineptly told him as he laid on the ground. "Thank you, Sparkles."
Back at the Mystery Shack, Thompson sat by himself at the end of the counter in the gift shop with his head in hands as he stared at the ground glumly. Further up the other end of the counter sat Stan and Ryland, who were eating burgers. Soos stood by watching, awaiting a response from Stan.
"Soooo, what do you think?" he asked.
Stan stared at the burger critically as he chewed. "Hmph. The meat is perfectly seasoned and tender, the sauce is on-point, the buns are crisp, and best of all, there are no veggies," he listed off, smiling slightly as he swallowed his bite. "Gotta say, I'm impressed, Soos."
Soos' eyes happily lit up as he raised his fist in the air triumphantly. "Yes!"
"I give it a six outta ten," Stan rated. "Juke Joint burgers were always about a seven anyway."
"I'll take what I can get," Soos accepted, his happiness unaffected.
"Well, I give my burger a solid nine. This is great stuff, boss," Ryland complimented. "I especially love this mayonnaise brand you've used."
Soos raised an eyebrow. "Mayonnaise? I didn't use any mayonnaise."
"Wait… you didn't?" Ryland asked.
"No, but I did use-"
"Actually, don't tell me. I'll just use my imagination," Ryland dismissed before taking another bite out of his burger while staring blankly ahead.
"Alright then," Soos shrugged. "Also, Thompson, I could still cook up more patties if you want one too, dude."
"Nah, it's okay. I really shouldn't," Thompson shook his head at the other end of the counter.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'm su-" He paused. "Ah, what the hell, I'll take three."
"You got it, dude." Soos gave a thumbs-up before walking outside through the door.
As he left the gift shop, Thompson suddenly shot up from his seat as a thought came to mind. "Hang on! I like my burgers done in a very specific way that I don't like to mention in front of other people!" he shouted before running outside after Soos, leaving Stan and Ryland on their own.
As he was left on his own with Ryland, Stan looked at his burger and pulled the bun off, examining the contents. "Honestly, I thought it was mayo too."
"Ya know, I'm just telling myself it's good, and that's all that matters," Ryland told him amidst chewing his burger while still staring ahead blankly as though he was deliberately trying not to think too hard about it.
"Smart thinking," Stan nodded before taking another bite himself.
The Employees Only door to the living room then opened and one by one entered Dipper, Mabel, Derrick, and the members of 2 Def I.
"We're back!" Mabel announced.
"Hey, there you kids are," Stan said as he turned to them. His eyes quickly fell upon the band members, to which he raised a curious eyebrow. "Uh, make some new friends while you were gone? Presumably at the cemetery?"
Max raised a finger. "Funny you mention that because we're actually-"
"-funeral workers!" Dipper quickly cut off. "Yeah, these guys work at the local funeral home. I mean, look at all the black they're wearing. Couldn't you tell?"
Jackson looked confused. "What are you talking about, kid? We're a rock band."
"And we're also putting together a rock band!" Dipper added, continuing to look up at Stan nervously.
"A rock band, eh?" Stan asked with an intrigued smirk. "Ya know, I used to be in a rock band when I was younger."
"No, you weren't," Dipper immediately dismissed.
"Yeah, there's no way that's true," Mabel agreed.
"Yeah, no, I wasn't. In fact, I have no idea where I was going with that," Stan admitted. "Anyways, I'll just leave you kids to whatever you're likely plotting this time. Whatever you do, just don't get arrested."
"Thanks, Grunkle Stan!" Mabel waved to him as he left through the living room.
With Stan away, Ryland then walked up to the twins. "Okay, now that he's gone, can I ask what the hell is going on? Who are these guys?"
"Long story short, we brought an old rock band back to life so that we could try to reunite Thompson with his friends," Dipper summed up.
"Hmm. Seems legit," Ryland simply accepted. "Why are you guys being secretive about it to Stan though?"
"Because we brought them back using a spell we found in Ford's box, and it didn't entirely resurrect them," Dipper explained. "They're still… well… zombies."
Ryland turned back toward the band in the corner of the room, examining their appearances. "Oh… I see it now."
"We just don't want Stan to find out or else he might blow our cover and tell Ford," Dipper said.
"All that matters is that we're doing this all for friendship!" Mabel asserted.
"Where is Thompson anyway?" Dipper asked, looking around the room.
Conveniently, Thompson came back inside through the front door at that moment, wiping a balm of sweat from his forehead. "Phew! Thank God Soos also puts chocolate sauce on his burgers."
"Thompson!" Mabel called out, grabbing his attention.
"Oh, hey, guys," he waved, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh… I hope you didn't hear that…" He looked over to the corner of the room where 2 Def I stood conversing with Derrick. "Who are those guys?"
"Oh, they're just 2 Def I," Dipper said with a smirk.
"Huh. That's cool," Thompson casually replied.
Three seconds later, he finally realized.
"WAIT, 2 DEF I?!" he asked as he looked back over at them with wide eyes. "THE 2 Def I?! That's… that's really them?!"
"Yep!" Mabel nodded. "Right down to their poor inebriated souls!"
Thompson's brain was barely functional at that point. "H-How? I thought they were dead!"
"We used a spell to bring them back from the dead as zombies," Dipper explained.
"Zombies?!" Thompson asked fearfully. "Are they gonna try to eat my brain?!"
"No!" Dipper quickly reassured. "No, they won't try to eat your brain."
"Are you sure?"
They all turned to the back corner where the band stood. The members themselves weren't paying them any mind and simply went about themselves as usual.
"Hey, Vinnie," Max said, getting his attention before sticking his finger out to him. "Pull my finger."
Vinnie gave him an impatient look, but despite that, he complied with his request. Using his index finger and thumb, he gently pulled on Max's finger. Though, he wasn't gentle enough, as he managed to pull his green zombified finger clean off. Despite holding his detached finger in hand, Vinnie did not react. But Max himself burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.
"HA! I'M HILARIOUS!" he cackled.
"I really hate you," Vinnie told him directly with narrowed eyes.
Mabel turned back to Thompson. "Yeah, I think eating brains is the last thing on their minds at the moment."
As the room experienced a brief quiet moment, those closest to the front door could catch the sound of footsteps against the wooden floorboards approaching from outside on the porch.
Ryland looked up. "Uh, guys, I think someone's coming."
Unsure who it was, Dipper didn't want to take any chances of it possibly being Ford if somehow he wasn't in the basement. He quickly directed his attention toward Derrick and the band. "Derrick, hide them!"
Taking note of his alarming tone, Derrick didn't ask questions or delay. He looked between the band members and thought up the best way to grab their attention given what he knew about them.
"Uhhhh… hey, guys!" he prompted. "Who wants booze?"
The faces of each band member immediately lit up. "I do!" they all shouted simultaneously.
"Follow me then!" Derrick said as he led the eager band out of the gift shop and through the curtains into the museum.
As soon as they were gone, the front door to the gift shop opened up. A young adult boy with his arm wrapped around a young adult girl walked inside. The boy had a stubble and wore a cap, whereas the girl had purple hair, and her eyes glued directly to her cellphone.
"Wowza. This place has seen better days," Nate said as he looked around the gift shop in its state of disorder.
"Barely," Tambry remarked, not even looking up from her phone.
"Wait a second…" Thompson said as he stepped forward and walked up to the couple in surprise. "Nate? Tambry?"
Nate's eyes widened, having not expected to see him there. "Oh, uh… hey, Thompson," he awkwardly greeted.
"What are you guys doing here?" Thompson asked.
"Oh, ya know, just strolling around town with Tambers," Nate said, wrapping his arm around her.
"He's allowed to call me that now," Tambry clarified, looking up from her phone for only a second.
"Yup! We were actually on our way to the Fourth of July fest over at the pier. But since we were in the area, we remembered hanging out here with Wendy when she was around and just decided to check this place out for old times sake."
Thompson smiled warmly as he recalled those same memories shared at the Shack. "Yeah, those sure were some good times, huh?"
"Yeah, they were," Nate agreed, looking back at Thompson with a nostalgic smile. "Welp, see you around, Thompson."
He then turned around with Tambry and started to head back toward the door, much to Thompson's immediate confusion.
"Wait, seriously?" he asked. "That's it? That's all you have to say to me?"
Nate looked back over his shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"Dude! Ever since the party at Robbie's, you two just completely ghosted the rest of us!" Thompson reminded them before pulling his phone out. "YOU EVEN UNFOLLOWED ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"
"Woah, chill out, man!" Nate said, holding his hands up defensively. "We are friends!"
"Wait, really?"
"Of course we are!" Nate nodded assuringly.
"He's totally lying," Tambry intervened.
"Okay, maybe we aren't," he immediately shifted.
"What?!" Thompson questioned.
"Alright, look, man- it's honestly nothing personal," Nate began. "We've all run in the same circles for ages now, and I'll always treasure that. But since Wendy left, I've kind of realized that she really was the only one keeping all of us together all this time. I mean, c'mon, you really think I'd bother putting up with Robbie all these years if she wasn't around telling me to?"
"But what about Lee? You guys have been friends since kindergarten!" Thompson reminded him.
"Hey, Lee's my brother, but even he and I have been slowly drifting toward separate paths over the last few years," he continued. "We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye too much lately. The reason Tambry and I clicked so quickly is because, well, we found out we really see one and the same with each other. It just… works between us. Like, it was amazing to see how much we had in common! I mean, I love video games, and she loves video games!"
"I hate video games," Tambry spoke amidst her texting.
"I hate them too!" Nate enthusiastically agreed. "You see? We're so alike! I also love watching horror movies, and she does too!"
"Horror movies are overrated."
"Incredibly overrated! I also hate vegan food, and so does she!"
She looked up from her phone and glared at him. "What're you talking about? I'm vegan."
"So am I!" Nate flipped as he wrapped an arm around her neck, to which she just resumed tapping on her phone. "Aren't we just perfect together?"
"So just like that, you're just going to abandon all of your other friends?" Thompson asked obliviously. "All for a girl you haven't even been dating for a week?"
Nate sighed. "Look, man. We had a good run. I won't deny that. But not all friendships last forever. It's time to move on and go our separate ways."
He and Tambry walked up to the front door, opening it and preparing to head back out. Before leaving, Nate looked over his shoulder toward Thompson one last time without a look of remorse.
"Bye, Thompson."
With that, the two walked out, shutting the door behind them. Thompson was left standing in the middle of the gift shop staring at the door with a face of utter shock at what had just happened. At least Nate had paid him a final bidding, but Tambry hardly even bat an eye at him throughout the entirety of their visit.
"Geez..." Dipper said as he and Mabel both looked on at Thompson sympathetically.
"What happened to Nate?" Mabel asked, shaking her head in disbelief.
"I think there's a word for people like him that hasn't been overused by the internet yet, but I can't quite put my finger on it…" Ryland mentioned, tapping his chin as he thought about it.
Thompson clutched his head with his hands desperately as he dropped to his knees. "AAAAAGH! This is such a mess! I don't know what I'm gonna do, man! I just want everything to go back to normal!"
"Don't worry, Thompson," Dipper told him as he patted him on the back comfortingly. "We know exactly how to do just that."
"How?" he asked, though still not looking particularly optimistic.
"We have a plan," Dipper nodded with a smirk.
"And you're looking at it!" Mabel said, mimicking his gesture before pointing behind them.
During their exchange, Derrick and the members of 2 Def I emerged from the museum, standing in the back corner of the shop once again. The band looked particularly annoyed as they stood empty-handed behind a passive Derrick.
"So, there was no alcohol," Rodney said, crossing his arms as he looked down at Derrick.
"Derrick, man. You betrayed us," Max said, shaking his head disappointedly.
"You suck," Vinnie said bluntly as he turned his back toward him.
"Disgraceful," Jackson remarked.
Derrick's eyes saddened as he put a hand over his heart. "Wow, that hurt me more than I want to admit."
Thompson raised an eyebrow at the band before looking back at the twins. "2 Def I?"
"That's right," Dipper nodded. "These guys are gonna play for all of you later today at the Fourth of July festival."
"Wait, we are?" Rodney asked.
"Just like I said, Thompson- we're gonna recreate your concert memory from seven years ago," Dipper continued. "If this concert is as near and dear to you guys as you say, then this reminder of that night should be the push needed to bring everyone together again."
"You'll have your friends back and everything will be back to normal!" Mabel added.
As Thompson thought about it, he started to work up a hopeful smile. "Yeah… yeah, this will totally work! If the guys all show up, there's no way they'll be able to resist looking back upon that night. It's perfect!"
"When used wisely, nostalgia can be a powerful weapon," Mabel claimed.
"Just like all those recent live-action remakes of animated movies from my childhood," Ryland illustrated. "Even when I know they offer nothing new, I still pay money to see them. Sometimes more than once." Realizing what he said, he hung his head disappointedly. "God, I am corporate trash."
"So what's this about a festival again?" Rodney asked as he and the band walked up to the twins curiously.
"Get ready, guys, because you have your first comeback gig later today at the Gravity Falls Fourth of July festival!" Dipper announced.
The faces on all of the band members lit up at once. "We do?!"
A wide grin grew across Derrick's face as he punched the air excitedly. "YES! YES! 2 DEF I IS MAKING A COMEBACK! THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED!"
"I mean, that sounds great and all…" Rodney began. "...but we should really call our manager first. I mean, he usually arranges all of our gigs."
This reminder quickly woke Dipper inside as he realized they still hadn't organized a plan around the manager yet.
"Oh, right. Yeah, no problem," he told them anxiously. "We'll just, uh, arrange that phone call we promised..."
Thinking fast, he pulled his journal out from his hoodie and quickly jotted down his thoughts as he walked over to Mabel. As subtle as he could be, he held his journal out in front of her, pointing to the plan he had just written out for her to see. With a quick skim of the lines, she immediately knew what to do.
"Yeah! Just one second!" she told the band avidly.
She then skipped her way over behind the gift shop counter, bending down below and sifting through a bunch of old supplies stored beneath. Eventually, she dug out an apparent landline phone while shoving another phone into her back pocket. Plopping the landline on top of the counter, she backed away as she gestured over to it for the band.
"Here you go! Do what you gotta do!" she told them.
"Thanks, kid," Rodney said as he walked up to the phone and picked it up.
As he began to input a number into the machine, Mabel quietly slipped away behind him and the band. Passing Dipper, she took out the phone from her back pocket and showed it to him, to which he gave her a quick thumbs-up before letting her leave the room through the museum, unnoticed by the band.
After dialing a number, Rodney waited patiently for an answer. Some doubts ran through his mind for a moment, wondering if their manager would even have the same number seven years after their death. Or if he was still a manager. Or if he was still alive.
Surprisingly, however, there was an answer after nearly a minute.
"Hello? Mick, how are ya doing, man? It's Rodney Rox! No, this ain't a prank. Some kids managed to find our bodies in the forest and… Oh, uh, we're in some town called Gravity Falls, I think. What...? I mean, maybe? Are you sure...? But don't you think…? Alright, I guess. Okay, later, Mick."
He hung up, putting the phone back on the machine.
"That was quick," Jackson noted.
"What did he say?" Max asked.
"He didn't seem all that fazed about us being alive again, surprisingly," Rodney told them. "Also, his voice sounded much more womanly than I remember. Then again, it's been seven years. But anyway, he okayed us to go through with the festival gig! Looks like we're making a comeback today, boys!"
Elated by the news, the entire band began to cheer and pat one another on the back. Amidst their celebration, Mabel stepped out from the museum and rejoined the others with the phone well in hand. Everyone else looked particularly joyous seeing the band excited about performing again. Though, no one matched Derrick's level of excitement, as he jumped up and down like a little kid about to open his presents on Christmas Day.
"YEAH! 2 DEF I COMEBACK! WOOOO!" he whooped while punching the air repeatedly.
"Yes! Everything's falling into place!" Dipper said eagerly. "Nice work with the call, Mabel."
"Ya know, I think I'd be pretty good at this manager thing," she gloated, tossing the landline phone over her shoulder carelessly. "You think I'd be able to get away with putting rock band manager on my resume?"
"Absolutely not," Dipper told her.
"I'm still gonna put it anyway," she said as she took out her phone and typed out a reminder for herself.
"Well, it looks like you're gonna get your moment tonight, Thompson," Dipper said as he turned to him.
"What are we waiting for then?" he asked. Suddenly, he threw himself on his knees, sliding across the middle of the gift shop as he mimicked holding an air guitar, roaring, "LET'S ROOOOOOOOOOOOCK!"
He took a few deep breaths as he posed on the ground. Expecting a wave of excitement to follow, he was met with uncomfortable silence instead. Glancing around the room, he quickly noted the awkward looks everybody shot him with. Some cringed at his actions, others just stared at him disapprovingly.
"Too much?" he assumed.
"Oh, yeah," Mabel winced.
"Definitely," Dipper nodded.
"Nobody liked that," Derrick said unappreciatively.
"Please never do that again," Rodney shook his head.
Hey all. I'm not gonna lie, this chapter's basically been done for like a week now. All I had left to do was proofread, but my motivation has been kind of shot. Wanted to have this whole episode done before July ended, but I guess we'll still be celebrating Independence Day a bit longer in August now. Then again, it took me about two years to finish getting through June, so I guess that doesn't matter too much, heh.
Anyway, I'll first admit that I'm a bit of a music/rock buff and this episode is a bit of a reflection of that. To clear one thing up, no, Derrick is not a direct reflection of who I am as a music fan. For one, I actually love '80s music and '80s rock, and I think it's most of what I listen to these days. Screw you, Derrick, the '80s were great.
And in case anyone is wondering if 2 Def I is supposed to be a direct parody of any one band, I can't really say. It's more of a mix of different influences. It started off and I think still is mostly a take on Mötley Crüe, which is kind of weird because I'm not even really like a huge fan of the band or their music. I just kind of wanted to parody a crazy rock band for this episode, and I felt their influence mostly fit the bill even though they're still alive in real life. Regardless, I guess they'd be the biggest influence along with just '70s rock band generalization. (I apologize if anyone has no idea what I'm talking about, I promise the music stuff will end after this episode)
I guess I'll just leave it at that for now. Trying to get back into the swing of things as far as motivation goes so hopefully it won't take me another month to get next part out. This may not be the most exciting episode, but there's a lot of exciting stuff coming up I think you folks are gonna love that even I'm looking forward to writing. Just bear with me.
Until next time!
-Absolute Rift