Long long time ago in galaxy far far away
A space ship and crashed into the Party Cube amid the party festivities, What fuck was that, rum solo had asked aloud, mud during sex.
As it was turned out the ship belonged to a crazy purple hair lady as Drum Solo found it. She thought that he Party Cube was actually still the Death Cube, turns out Dri Solo never go raound to explaining this to the resistance so now she was dead.
Later another ship came after party and drum solo was busy fixing big hole in party cube. It was his old friend from his collage days (Drum Solo just went there to party but he made good remind with the character wer are about to meet)
It was Legendary ace pilot Poe Damgeon and he was wearing cool letterman jacket with lots of gang patches. He high five Drum Solo and say what is up and Drum Solo cross arms and smile he said "I am glad to see you in one piece. Don't worry, bor, I take care of most of First Order already."
"It's not about that, bro," said Poe Dameron. And he told him Luek Skyalker was dead. Drum solo roll eyes on his speed glasses. "I already knew that!" Said Drum Solo.
"So w aht we gonna do about it?" Ask Finn who was there heloung with the hole.
"We take things to the next level," Drum Solo took out trust laser pistol who garnered some repsect in the eyues of Poe.
"There is one other thing." Pie sighed. "Somehow. The empower returned."
"Geez," Drum Solo say, "Can Luke Skywalker do anything right?"
"Hey man," said Poe, "Luke Skaylker was a good man. Even if he wasn't very good at being jedi."
"I guess that is true," Drum Solo. He srecetly did not agree but he did not want to cause big argument in front of Poe because they were bros and Finn was right there. "This here is my new friend, Finn."
"What's up. I am Pie Damon, " said Pie amner, "I won the fastest space race on this side of the milky way."
"With MY Help that, is. "Said Rum Solo. They all have a couple drinks and kick back talking about hte good dance. Drum solo remember his old racing days and wonder if he should get back to the racing sometime. But he knew he still had to kill his brother to avagne his dad father and Luke Skayler so after they ran out of booze, he said, "It is time to kick some first order ass!"
And this senteiments were shared else where by Kylo Vader, who was Drum Solo evil brother merged with the evil armor magic of sith lord vader. He was on sith homeworld but he was being paid vist by his boss.
"Boss?" I THOUGHT iwas the boss," said Kyo Vader.
"About that," said Hologram Hux. "Turns out he just showed up out of no where and says he boss now and that we have to go somewhere else because Drum Solo already come to Ooogarbar."
"Where is this so called boss man," Kyo Vader said.
"Standing right behind you," says scary mystery robe sith lord. Kylo Vader gulp nevrous but this conversation would not be a good one.
"Evil will win, and the sit shall take over the universe," say mystery robe, "but for now we must kill Drum Solo!"
And the story contine.
Gogo Fett came. Crashing in, and he put gun up to Poe face and saidr "Die1!1 Solo!". But befroe he could even behind to fire, Drum Solo speket this, "Don't shoot, bro! Im Dre." And he was Drim, so Gogo put down space gun and pinter at Finn instead. "You sure it ain't this guy?" He asked. "Umm, that racist, dude." Said Dry Sol. This was true, so Gogo lowered their gard and explain Drum his rights and his lefts.
"You remain silent or I Have right to shoot you until there's no more lefts." Gogo Fett said with coolness or agt least he thought it soounded cool in his head.
"Okay, el play long for now…" Drum pretended to coerce because he knew hed have moment of weakness were he could defeat him with ease.
Gogo Fett took of space helmet and it was sexist girl in Galaxy. She kinda like Kiera Knightly, but not at all.
"Here, you'll need this if you're to defeat the First Order." She said and handed him the First Order employee ID card so that they can get in even though they're unemployed by Empire.
"Wait, why you helping me, little ladie?" Dram axed, not that he minded, it just meant more girls for him to get his pants into and saved him time.
"Because, theres something I want there, too. But im too afraid to go myself, I have girl space concert to attend anyway. Just fetch me OObagar space dagger, only it can defeat the resurrected sith Lorde."
So the search began for sith key. They go to desert planet and there Drum Solo have sexy with Jaw wah lady who had yellow eyes and glowing boobers. After this, he had won her respect and she let him sexy her sister. Then they have pod race for old times and beat up alien who try to cheat them. He gave first cluye it was inside of dune monster. They have fight with dune monster and drumo bib bomb inside his anus and he blowed up. Then it was time for dirnks in bar and they played that one song from episode four. Then the clue said in ancient holo text they could not read.
"I can't this shit," said Rum Solo.
So they went to local library and look up guy on Qui Gon List. He say meet them at Pluto Bar.
They pack warmly and go to frozen planet and go under want frozen idce ocean. And they get ice cream to eat a nd they meet the guy itwas C3PO and he had blue leg. And he tell them they he knew their parents and Drum Solo and said he gave no fuck and he turned of C3Po voice and download his memory onto flash drive. He put it into holo drive but it got virus so they have to upload brains to cyberspace and they go there to.
So in the world of syber space it was lile big city like Cyberpunk 2077 but bigger and Drum SOlo need help of Finn because he good at MMO to decode corrupted C3po. And theyn they learned they need to fight the virus from Cyber Chase. He challenged them to cyber game of baseb all. And he lose because that sport Drum AND Poe dakmnger good at. Scyber chaser virus sore loser, he shoot Finn and he ave to sit out but they enger in bottle and luckly Drum Solo have his holo gloves in back pocket and her short circueter Cyber Chaser brain and his eyes expldoed and he saved the day and seaved C3po and have online sex before leaving with next clue,
"What the FUCK just happened back there?" Asked Pim.
But Pit Dame not important until next planet stop, which was here, so hes important again. Poe go up to Black Girl named Jana who kinda looked a bit like an Afircan American actress that I cant think a name off. "Hey, the game of Clue say you have next item? What do we got do yo get it from ya? Maybe sext times on Naboo when this all over?" Drem seid with expertism. Good lucking was he, but it didnt help that he was really good diplomat too.
So she gave answer with haste, "I'm Lando daughter, and also Finn, I think your pretty sexy but not as sexy as son of Han infront of me. Land tell me about you all, you know, before you killerd he."
"I know, I know, it WAS pretty cool of me but it was actually more simple than it seemed." Bragged Soleo.
"Yeah, maybe we can work things out later but for now, yor ganna need space raft for your ship so taker this and get going." Then she gave them space sail so that there ship could travel the solar winds wit ease to make it to next planet.
Next planet was Qoaloob, neighbor to Naboo. On it they went to the address. It was barber shop. Barber ask Drum SOlo he want haircut but so offneed was he he broke them nose. This bested the barger and passed him the secret test. They get flowers and sith keey because barber was into occult. With Sith Key they stepped outside and Poe Damon go "Whao fuck."
"Hey, kid. Lon time no see," said voice for Lando.
"What in the god ann," Said Drum Solo as mega robot arm grab his face and throw him against dumpster.
It was cyborg lando and he had body of mecha fighert ground bot while his head poked off top, "Im a cyborg now, kid. And I'm kind of pent up about the whole killing me thing. So now I kick your ass."
...Whic is what we wanted to say happened, but just then, he get killered more! Drum throw lit ciaggrets and sayfed, "Bon Boyage, tin man!". Then he pour alcholo drink on deadcybo corpse and say, "Thi one goes out to my homies that are now jedi goasts."
Which was his fault, but no one saided it.
Cyborg body go boom but Lando head eject. Lando eject could survive on its own and Drum Solo pick up head and write the words: BITCH MADE
On lando heard.
"Damn kid, you really kicked my ass again," said Lando Head. "Guess I'm just a head now. Okay, I'll relax. But they won't!"
"Who want?"
Just then, fifty lando clones walk around corner with a few in the front snapping their fingers.
"They're the Eighty Landos," said Lando head. "First Order clone them so I could get my revenge. I'm square with you, but maybe they aren't!"
"Shut up Lando head," said Lando clones, "We are to do fight."
Suddenly, Rey ws there, too. She used SUPER force that Leai taught her off screen. It was reall cool and she did flips, even somerflips ad ocasonialy back flips, and side flips. All sortsa flips. It was very actiony, like cinematic moovie except real. Lie taught her well, unlike Kuke Skywall who taught her nothing because hes dead.
"Go see you babe," Drum.
Rey. Then she did. It was powerfull, if Drum WAS force sense he would but cant. That's how strong were talking.
"We have the final boss key for the sith secret word," said Drum Solo. They knew it belingerd to them because Palpateen write his name on it so he didnt lose it if fall out of pocket. So they al get on ship, Lando Head included. Lando head became hood ordeoment for space car!
Back on party cube they throw one last party and Drum Solo gave Rey the closed eal.
Party Cube pulled right up to Oogarbar throne and they all walked off throwing bottles from their previous drinking and have laugh of party. The sith throne was empty and Drum Solo pissed his beer on it. As he do this see key hole he did. And he put sith key on hole of sith throne and portal open up to Sith Dimension.
"I did it!" Drum Solo said.
But as he do this Rey kick Drum Solo into portal and close it behind them.
"What the fuck you crazy pitch," "I almost hurt my glasses." Said Drum Solo.
Drum Solo stand and see they were in evil world and Rey was there with yellow sith eyes. She hiss with fangs teeth and laugh with evil.
"Rey, " Drum solo said. "What happened to you?"
"When you left me on Oogabar last epiteale I study sith magic and realzie it much more cooler than dumb jedi magic parlor tricks Luke tried to teach me. Now I am sith lord and will kill you ti impress new sith lord."
But it was realy space illusion, and Kyo Vader slapped her really hard and she cam back to her sense. "Whoa, where was I just now?"
"You were being trickied by evil space emperor in empire, but im save you!" Drum sadi, which took all the credit bewcause he is nice gy like that.
Darth Ren raised hand like he in kindergarten class, "Umm, what about me? I did slap thing just now. Anyway, cmon! We gotta go fight Sidious, because im tired of im giving me curfew early."
Drum thought this was stupid, but if it meant they could get story over with, then they do so yes. "Fime, but it not over between us, Step bro. Not by hooskot." Wink.
They walk up the voice of spectral passage and it took many minute to reach the hole of holies and the abyseal plain.
There at the end of time, as the sign said, stood the figure mysterybe robe lord.
"I am betraying you," aid KYol Vader.
"Gooooo, Kylo," said sith lord final boss, "Goooood."
"And I am betraying YOU brother," said Drum Solo who kicked Kylo Vader over the edge of the universe and fell into the abysmal pin point of the last black hole in the unuverse. His brother cry what the fuck and he was warped out of existence. Painfullu.
"Now it just me and you sith boy," say Drum Solo.
"I am most pleased by your tactics," said final boss, "In fact…..Messa most pleased!" Final boss turn and take off reveal and reveal Jar Jar SITH Lord final boss!
"WHA T?" Scream Drum Solo.
"Meesa Jar Jar Binks, meesa muy MUY badbomb. Yousa make BIG Doo doo, this time, Solo, okeyday?" Then, Jar Jar shot precisely 17 bolts of conceentrated Sith lightning and destroyed the rebel feet that Poe called for backup off screen.
"Damn, not looking forward to more funeral after today." Finn said, and took out space broom and began to clean up pile of rebel ashes that fall from sky.
"Can I get a line?" Asked Poe and we did, so there. He then realized he was not needed for this story and so took back up ship Slave 2 and left for space cabana retirement planet.
As this was perspiring, Leia tried to contact Rey with the force, but this killered her instantly and she became ghost toast like her deceased husband, brother and Lando I guess., Drum Solo has used all bullets on Jar Jar who black them. He used lightsaver and found out he naturally good and almost beat Jar Jar in single combat.
Then Jar Jar said "WAIT! Messa getting text message!" He look at holo phone and make dramatic face, "OH! Issa FOR you little Drummy!"
"Don't me that!" Drum Solo said and take phone and make sad face. "It mom. She died of breast cancer!?" Stab. jar Jar stab his stomach.
"All according to big BOMB plan, boyo." Jar Jar make luf with ease. "It actually force prank call, meesa call in BIG favor to Lukey, Okay Day?"
In reality, it was actually Luke calling him from force telephone, but it had to be quick because it was a one way call and it cost Luke at least 14 republic credit per minute. "Sorry kid, I owed Jar Jar a favor back when I was reforming the Jedi Order. I realize now that pranking you in the middle of the fight was a mistake, I was wrong."
Dram stuffer, "W-Wait, if you on phone now, does that mean me use force power too?"
Luke realized that this was true, Drum had shown many signs of being force sensitive in his previous adventures, such as when he ALMOST felt Rey's force presence in front of him.
"Oh, cool!" He gafored. "How Do I turn on and me no talk about myself here, if you catch dirft."
Luke facepalm through ghost face. "Dude, ther'es an on off switch on your mega ultra pistol, dimwit."
That maked enough cents, so he put it to FORCE mode and it worked. "Yeah, now I am ALL of the Jedi, but more epice and handsomer!" Drum took selfie with Jar Jar phone and it didn't save. "What fuck?"
Jar Jar blush, "Sorry, meesa outta data. It no reachie da planet wellsa, oppsie daze!" Then he take out dagger and shot more lightning.
Solo all with Force power use force heel so that his wound would be fixed. Then, he took out DOUBLE lightsabers that he found on floor that said, "use these to dffeat evil Empoer! -Obi Wan".
"Suck on THEEESE, beach." Dro use lightbeam to lit cigar which he threw at Jar Jar and it was amzing. He did without look, not cause force, but because cool.
"OUUUUUUUUUUUCHHHIIEEEEZZ! YOUSA PAY FOR DIS, SKYWALKEN, I MEAN, SOLIO!" Jar Jar make face of pain which he felt. The pain was painful that pain could be felt everywhere like a real pain. If it were cool amv I would use Linkin Parkl but i dont so i will not.
Just then dimeonson roof began to collapse.
"We got to get out of here!" Said Re.
"Ladies first," Said Drum Solo. They all run away to portal as place fall aprt.
Rey jump out and escape through portal. Finn accidentally tie his shoes laces together and trip. "Finn!" Say Drum Solo.
"DRUUUUIMMM!" Finn say.
Drum Solo reach for Finn as he exit through portal. Black hole expand and suck in Finn. Finn cry like girl and Drum Solo pulled with all hsi might.
Drum Solo fall back through portal and portal shut. As he look. He seem steameing severed hand of Finn's hand in his hand. He was gone.
"Damn," Drum said with sad. "Can't save them all." He shook Finn's hand and put it down on ground respectfully, "Tonight party in your honor, buddy."
Now the Funeral count was up to at least thousands, it would be expensive for all involved and Drum was not looking forward to giving speech at each and every one but if it was one thing he did looker ford to, it was the after after funeral party. It's like a funeral, but more like a Fun a rel.
Back at Rebel base, aka, Party Cube, a medal ceremony was held in Drum's honor. Buzz Creamer was there too. "I did not know his name, i just name him after fish because smell splat!" Everyone cheered with glee.
Admiral Ackbar Senior was said, "Here, Drum. Unlike you fail dad, you saved Galaxy MORE than once and did it with even MORE casualties!"
He gave him all the awards, even the ones they gave Luke and Han back in the day at the end of New Hope which I didn't care much for. Chewbacca was there, he no get mdela.
"Yeeah! I am the GRETIST!" He fist pumpered. "Ew, get wet carpet away from me! This is MY celebration!" And he kicked him, HARD. Chewbacca got the message and was never seen again.
"I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't like that guy", said Buzz Creamer.
Now that funeral over, the FUN eral can begin, and it did with great pier! Now Han, Liaise, Luke, Kylo, Finn and Jar Jar force ghost had to watch as Drum Solp used the ULTRA force to make super sex with all the weemon he had acquired over the course of his journey. It was big sextacle, like spectacle, but in space and about sex. Rey was there, Jana was there, Gogo Fett was there, Lieuh wasnt there physically but spiritually, and every other floozie except Rose Tico because she on Caban planet with Poe.
Drum made sure EVERYONE in the universe saw because the sex dungeon was being projected in the outer rim for all to see and hear. People watched and applauded with space popcorn.
There parades. Confesti. All for party. More views than the hyber bowl. So legencagry was Drum Solo at the sex, he decided to be giving, and name new sex move after Finn.
"iM call it, Big Finnish!" HE SCREMT WITH POWER AND IT WAS FELT THROUGHOUT MULTIVERSE.
Drum was good and so was the day, now that he savet it.
Many days later, after what became known as the OMEGA ORGY, Drum Solo finally lit cigerate, and say "Whoo, babes know how to show hero a good time."
Then he went to use bathroom, shower up a little, put on the game, and then he see Yoda ghost form at couch and Yoda node.
"Drum Solo, do good you god." MRR MMP! Drum Solo agree and Yoda say, "Jedi dead now. But you killer Sith Zone you did, ARRRRM MRRP! Now ALLLLL the Sith are DEAD! And they NNEEEEVER come back! YEAH! MRRRRR HRRMP! Thuss, YOUUUU are the GREATEST, HEROOOOO of them ALLLLL! HERO! OF! ALL! TIME! BYE BYE!"
And I am, Drum Solo, the author of my own story. Now evil is gone is Galaxy as long me around, and since I am emiortal, I will never deaded. Good for me, more time for the wemon.
And thus, our hero took a much deserved rest. Justice had been aevenged,
The End