Author Notes:
Warnings: Swearing - Sexual themes/Content.
Genre, in depth: Male/Male Romance, also known as, Yaoi.
Story Cover Art: BY The Amazing Astrovique.
Beta Reader: The one and only enjoys literature.
Disclaimer: Dear reader, I'm not the owner of Fairy Tail's characters. If they were mine, Gray and Natsu would be boyfriends.
O.o.O Chapter Nine O.o.O
Natsu ambled along a limitless crisp shore in a dark starless night, with no aim, no destination, no stopping. The uncertainty of the strong waves resonated in his green lifeless eyes. After Gray's important reveal, Natsu has abandoned his plans with the boiled water, and Gray saw him lost on that beach of arctic truths.
Gray's fingers traced the fine wooden veins of the dining table while he stared at the portrait of an old military geezer on the rough brick wall.
'Big guy… This guy still alive?'
The Blue Pegasus Military base offered two extremes. During the day, aircrafts busied the sky, training and truck sirens kept them alarmed, but when the night dominated, small shrilling wind replaced that tension. In unit 8, the wind chime's metal recomposed that shrilling to the nicest of melodies.
After he had clarified with his friend the cause of their friendship's fallout, emptiness filled his core, his shoulders relaxed, and his chest lightened, and… he was free. Free from the guilt of having to lie and hide, free from hurting himself the way he did the past phase of his life, free from being called a traitor.
He hid from Natsu the part where his father doubted a romantic relationship between them. He didn't want to worsen Natsu's state of mind. Also, that's... a big topic on its own. And… it's the one thing he despised lying about because yes, he wanted Natsu back then. And now. And every minute Natsu is around him.
Then… shit.
Natsu's eyes always flickered between playful and mischievous, but after he exposed what Natsu needed to know, their flicker dimmed, and they shoved ten-ton bricks in Gray's gut.
See? Telling the truth doesn't always give you the best results.
Gray had a family until a certain point he can't remember. It was a short sweet portion of his life that vanished. The villagers in Shirkawa-go found a boy who tainted the shining white snow with his filth, cries, and cheap clothes that chilled and shattered his bones.
Despite of the turn in events in his life, he was lucky. The villagers granted him home with other children, they provided him warmer clothes, food, and shelter. And when Ur came… oh… when she came, she painted his entire world with colors again. She loved all of him, the worst parts of him, and the least beautiful parts. She made sure he got his education right; she gave him everything and more than he could dream of.
Ur was there, but the pain of losing a parent was etched deep in his soul, and under no circumstance did he want problems between Natsu and his father, since the guy meant the world to Natsu.
Natsu's dad is a good dad. His son is rich—for god's sake, Natsu's stomach manipulated him! Of course big daddy feared other people taking advantage of his innocent little kid. Gray understood, and that's why he left. Because parents were more important to keep than… friends, especially those who have deep dark desires.
"I-uh… I had… no freaking idea." Natsu's laugh was frail and hollow as his right hand scratched his bicep, "I always… knew that there was something odd about this whole… uh-falling out of friendship-thing, but… I had no idea. My assumption was that you have a big ass problem with me or you've gone insane. This… is… fuck, this is… taking it to a whole new level…"
"Yeah, believe me I know. Like when you go to the freaking Republic of Guinea and be like 'Shit! What the hell did I do?! They're all huge bulky MEN deprived of seeing beautiful foreigners, who are also gonna be eating me…' am I right?"
Natsu's slam of a fist on the dining table knocked the glass vase with the artificial sunflowers. Okaaay, someone wasn't in the mood. Gray flinched from Natsu's peppery fire that seeped in his skin as the guy jerked to his feet.
"I need to make a call." Natsu's voice deepened and creases showed on his forehead, jaw, chin.
"Natsu…" He saw this one coming too, "Don't… he was only looking out for you. Let's discuss this first."
Natsu ignored his plea and stomped towards the phone. Oh, for the love of—Gray sprang up and dragged Natsu's arm to stop him from making a mistake.
"Calm down-"
"Back off!" Natsu's palms pounded on Gray's chest two times, pushing him two steps back, disregarding his injuries. His veins bulged on his neck and arms, "Not gonna say it again."
His heart quickened its pace as Natsu stormed out of Unit 8.
'You've just sabotaged a father-son relationship, congrats.'
He tossed himself on one of the dining chairs and stared off at nothing. Natsu would not listen to him, and there was nothing he could do when Natsu wore that look.
The heated throbbing seared in his shoulder and leg, thus, his entire body hurt. Although his glasses were on, his vision blurred.
Shit… what was the time? Shit.
Back in KMC, his doctor ordered him to take the medication at specific timings, and he has been following that blindly because pain gnawed at him always, and if it bounced to a higher level, Gray would shoot himself this time to rest his misery.
Missing antibiotics timings for flu was a big deal for him before. Ha. Ha. Ha. Missing antibiotics timings for a gunshot treatment was a no-no-NO, and his heart dropped knowing he screwed up.
'Nothing to do about that... suck it up buddy…'
A large sigh squeezed his chest as he rushed to his handbag and started taking out his medication. Later, he moved their suitcases to their rooms upstairs, challenging his injuries and the wave of nausea that hit him.
When he was done, his breath was tattered and his surroundings whirled.
He chose one of the two rooms to dump in their belongings—yeah, it was an unconscious decision. He expected that he and Natsu would sleep in the same room, on the comfy queen size bed.
Ok problem. First, he needed to consult Natsu then see if they sleep in separate rooms, right.
In the back of his mind, Gray told himself he wasn't going to share one building with Natsu and have them sleep in different rooms, that's bullshit. They lost so much time the past years, and he didn't want them to lose more.
Friends slept together; it wasn't that big of a deal.
OK. How about this? He gives his friend the 'Option' to sleep with him, and if his friend objected, Gray would admit his defeat, and recognize that he has lost his attractiveness that Natsu could resist the idea.
Would Natsu object though? With his crappy mood, yeah. Maybe. Why was he wasting time thinking about this?
The room had everything they needed, the coffee-colored wooden floor warmed it against the subtle grey walls, but ugh… that portrait of the old man again… and this time, there was someone else next to him.
How was he supposed to sleep when this old man hovered above him?
'Whatever.'
His heart skipped two beats when a slam echoed in the small house. Judging by that vibration's wavelength which travelled through the brick walls, that phone call couldn't have gone worse. JUST GREAT. Gray wasn't so caring to other people's feelings or parental relationships… but when it came to his guy, it was a different matter. That was the reason Gray hid the truth.
Ok, he wasn't his, and he'll never be. He's his friend though.
He descended from the stairs, and Natsu was on the sofa, his phone thrown onto the floor, his hands interlocked, and his body shaking. Not the 'I'm scared'-shaking. It was the 'I'm gonna explode'-shaking, 'Gonna kill the first person I see'-shaking, and Gray didn't wanna be the first person Natsu sees.
He debated talking to Natsu, but that… swirling dark storm with the haphazard orange fire flares surrounding Natsu's form seethed and questioned his choice selection strategy. You know what? Natsu needed space. Let everything soak in, and as a bonus, Gray gets to live another day.
"You!"
He halted on his way up the stairs… Dang it. Too late.
"Why couldn't you tell me all of this long back?! Huh? What… what the fuck is wrong with you?! You burned bridges because of nonsense like this? Why, Why the hell didn't you tell me?!"
Natsu strode towards him, kicking a floor lamp. When they were closer than he preferred (when Natsu was in this state), he swallowed, and shards of fright dispersed in his chest. What could he say? What kind of answer will calm Natsu? What kind of answer was Natsu looking for? He didn't want to fuel his aggravation.
"Speak. Now."
Gray remembered when Natsu's dad came to his place. His deep draconic-eyes shredded Gray's courage and reduced him to nothing but a powerless teenager with a sick desire that threatened defiling his son. The man could see through him, effortlessly. He made Gray hate himself. Also, he gave up their friendship and the silent growing attraction they harbored for one another because he couldn't bear the responsibility. He was young and dependent, and he feared Natsu's father's reaction if he came to know Gray had told his son anything.
Gray shouldered an immense amount of pressure and Natsu wouldn't understand… any of it. Natsu has all the right to be angry. He doesn't know the main reason Natsu's father chased Gray's ass away.
"Bastard! You answer me now!"
"Then let me ask you this." Gray's voice's tone was firm as he strengthened it to match Natsu's rumbling one, "Who's more important? Your friend or your father?"
Natsu paled, his mouth parting to answer, but held it off.
Yeah, he got his point across.
"If you can't answer this, you have no right to attack me." He drew in a slow breath. Of course Natsu's father was more important than Gray ever would be, "I know what it's like to lose a parent. Heck, before I was an orphan, those two were the only thing that mattered on earth. You always talked so highly of your dad, what did you want me to do? Tell you? Risk breaking you two up?"
Natsu's jaw clenched, his knuckles becoming white.
"That and… I was ashamed I couldn't protect you myself. I had to rely on that fucking jerk to get you out and save the day and your future. You nicely disappeared afterwards, had a life, almost got married, while I worked myself to death to forget that I lost you that way."
Gray had kept a lot of things bottled the last three years he couldn't forget about Natsu. His temper scared off new friendships, he became apathetic, and he lost a part of him when the boy left.
When Natsu jumped the remaining distance between them to punch the daylights out of Gray… his jaw cracked, his glasses flew then fell, and his feet retreated two steps.
What? Why?!
Motherfucker—oh… is it because he called his dad a 'Fucking jerk'? His heated cheek didn't pain as much as the caving in his chest.
"It's you!"
"What the…?" Gray tasted blood on his lips, his eyes narrowing as he held his jaw.
"You asked me a question!" Natsu's breaths were short and sharp, "It's you!"
It took Gray quite a long time to realize the meaning of his friend's statement.
"I went to the freaking Republic of Guinea! To Africa! As far as I could to forget about you…"
Gray's blue eyes kept staring ahead, and a lump grew in his throat.
"I was dying from the inside… I thought you didn't care anymore! That I did something horrible because you wouldn't kick my heart shitless without a valid reason! And now you're telling me this? Did you even stop for a second and THINK SO HARD that I had no fault whatsoever in this whole dramatic shit between you and that fucking jerk?"
This was a Gray Fullbuster classic. He was that big asshole who thought he was the only person hurting in this. He focused on how unfair everything was to him and disregarded his friend's feelings. Why? Had he ever thought about how Natsu felt the past years? How he managed to go on?
He did, but not as much as he was lost in his own misery.
"You didn't ask a fair question Gray! Under these circumstances, you're more important! Even a dumb fool like me can tell that much!" Natsu's eyes glistened with trapped tears, and his shoulders slumped.
Gray protected Natsu with the choice he made three years ago, but those crushed eyes pushed him to doubt the sanity of his decisions. His heart fell as Natsu held off his tears, and before he could stop himself, his arms pulled Natsu into a hug, and a hand buried itself in the smooth pink filaments.
His palm patted around Natsu's hair, and he dared not to make things worse, "Can we… not do this right now? Please? I… am tired-"
"-I missed you… I missed you so so much."
That little fact disclosure from Natsu's side floated in his gut, and he wasn't in the least expecting it. He expected something more on the lines of 'I will exterminate you and never let your body be found', or 'You little shit', or 'Friendship over dude'.
He wasn't expecting a lovely 'I missed you.'
That shitty flutter in his heart wouldn't stop… Natsu wouldn't stop.
That wasn't so bad. Not really. Boosted his pride and ego a lot… so even after being a jerk for half a year, he was still missed? Did that sound horrible? He didn't care.
"You… I swear to god-" Gray tightened his arms around Natsu's shivering mess, "Dude, don't cry on me now…"
"I missed you… jerk. God…"
Gray wasn't the bad guy… and there was nothing he could do about the matter three years ago. Maybe Natsu or someone else might have a different opinion, but Gray did what he thought was best, he wouldn't do it any other way… he regretted nothing.
He felt the heavy rise and fall of Natsu's chest and body and groaned. A small smile broke past his tormented face, he knew Natsu's would kick his ass later, but… it was alright…
Natsu was in his arms and that was great.
Natsu laid on his back on the sofa while his legs rested on Gray lap. Ah, finally, everything's out. No more walls, no more lies.
The emotional burst plus the brawl earlier with Sergeant Gajeel exhausted their energy reserve. Their beds were upstairs, but Natsu's stare plastered itself to the air particles above him, too lost in the recent information and the reality of things.
'Now what?!'
Gray was lost too. Were they good? Would Natsu accept him back? They haven't spoken since, and Gray was afraid to ask those questions and receive heartbreaking answers.
"I'm gonna kill my dad."
Gray chuckled, staring at the small table lamp that lit the room, and enjoying the wind chime's melodies. His arms hugged Natsu's legs towards him, then he shook his head, nervousness coating his voice, "Please, don't do that… I didn't—and I don't want that."
"What's his problem though?"
Natsu was annoyed.
"I don't know Natsu. Honestly, if I had an idea, you would be the first person to know about it."
Suddenly, the melodies of the wind chime shrilled at Gray's sound of lies and guilt. Well… lies again.
Natsu sighed and raised Gray's glasses that he decommissioned when he punched him earlier, examining them.
'Baby, you're amazing, but sometimes, I want you dead…'
Gray's eyes drooped. That shitty flutter broke in his chest as he watched each inch of Natsu who examined the glasses. His focused sharp eyes, the scrunched nose, the bloody corner of his lips and the scratch mark on his cheek from today's fight, the caramel skin of his kissable neck… It was all blurred, nonetheless, had a strong effect on his mental state.
"It's cracked…" Natsu cursed in a soft tone, and stared down at Gray, "Can you see without it?"
Gray swallowed then shrugged.
'Why would I put it on if I can see without it, dumbass?'
"Mmm. A bit."
"How well can you see me?" Natsu was a meter away.
"… erm. Blurred a bit."
"Fuck…" Natsu's eyes widened, "You're farsighted?"
"Mhmm."
"Now?" Natsu leaned over, "Can you?"
His lips looked nice… he smelled nice too. Like his favorite, vanilla.
'Shit… get a grip…'
"Mhmm. Can."
"Oh..."
"… It's a small crack, I can still wear it."
Natsu scratched his shoulder with nervous fingers, "I, I'll find a solution… tomorrow. I'm sure somewhere there's an opt-"
"-It's okay, Nat." Fuzziness clouded his brain when Natsu was this close, "'s okay."
"You deserved it though."
"Did not."
He wasn't wrong before, he didn't regret it. But… as he could feel Natsu's body heat close to him, his strong-willed green eyes, and his small grin, tears welled-up in his eyes. Suddenly, they were the two carefree high school teenagers… who only cared about online games and talking about hot girls in their classroom. Gray wanted this more than anything, but he wasn't expecting it to happen, not like that.
"What…" Natsu dropped his small grin. Upon seeing Gray's streaming silent tears, his nose reddened, and voice weakened, "If you think you could earn my sympathy and change my mind, think again."
"Stupid." Gray chuckled, tasting his salty tears when he licked his lips. "Do you know… how much I missed you?" His shaking thumb caressed just under Natsu's lips, "I couldn't breathe, I swear."
"If you think you could earn my sympathy and change my mind, think again."
Gray didn't earn Natsu's sympathy. Gray didn't change Natsu's mind.
No.
Gray's shaky hold on his chin had touched his heart and dragged Natsu unwillingly into falling in love with him ALL. OVER. AGAIN. What was more pathetic? The fact that Natsu has never grown out of this pitiful love, or he will live and die a hundred times and he won't freaking move on?
Gray was a guy who didn't smile often, but when he did, Natsu inhaled those rare smiles like they were a high-quality drug leading him up to the verge of ecstasy. Insults and smartass comments often fired from Gray's… hot mouth, but his gentleness towards Natsu reached the depths of his stardust orbs. And oh, how he wished to own those beautiful eyes all the girls talked about wherever Gray went.
Whenever he was close to Gray like now, all he could think of is them wrapped up in a sweating embrace, skin to skin, lips on lips, heart to heart.
Oh God.
Gray was the definition of perfection. So, as they hugged, Natsu shed tears again. This time, it wasn't because of the oppressive situation that parted them years ago. He shed tears for his pathetic self that would never stop loving this man.
How cruel was this? He was hugging the very person who he can't have in his wildest dreams. He was so freaking close, yet so achingly far.
"Am I… forgiven?"
Natsu chuckled as Gray broke him more.
"Yeah. Long time back, Gray. Long time back…"
Not fair.
To Be Continued...
Next Chapter Release: TBD. My (expectation) is 15 days, subject to change.
Special thanks to: KoriNoKoibito, mdelpin, Guest. Thank you so much you guys. You're great.
For all my readers, thank you so much for reading this piece, and feel free to share any comment, inquiry, or advice. I'd love that.
Alright, till next time!
Looooooove,
Flame-Belt