The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum
TUESDAYcont...
The woman calling herself Kate Connor sits at the kitchen table. Sarah Connor and John have changed into regular clothes, the breakfast dishes removed. Kate Connor is wearing jeans and a varsity sweatshirt, sneakers with no socks.
Without complaint she allows herself to be searched for concealed weapons. None are found. She is clean: no money, no ID, nothing.
"Belongings don't pass through the time portal," she explains. "You of all people should know that. These clothes I stole from a washing line outside Bakersfield, where I turned up. I hitched all the way here."
"And your name was previously Kate Brewster? The girl my son dated - here, in this time?"
"Yes." She smiles fondly at John. "I'd forgotten how handsome you were as a teenager."
"Is it her, John? Do you recognise her?"
John frowns. "I...don't know. Maybe. She's much older."
"Gee, thanks! I came all this way to hear that! I'm 38. Two days ago it was 2028, 20 years from now. Of course I'm older; you're no spring chicken in the future yourself."
"It is Kate Brewster," I confirm. "Her skull measurements are a match to those I have on file. Humans can alter the size and shape of many extremities but not skulls. Not if they wish to remain alive."
"Let's be sure. John - ask her something only she would know the answer to."
"Okay. Uh - where did we first meet?"
"Oh that's easy. A fancy dress party. You went as James Dean. I was Batgirl. Cameron was - uh - Little Bo Peep?"
"Supergirl," I correct.
"Are you sure? I thought it was Little Bo Peep."
"I would never go as Little Bo Peep. I am a badass. Have you ever heard of a badass Little Bo Peep?"
"Okay, maybe I forgot that part. Ask me another question."
"What was the name of your horse when we went horseriding the first time?"
"Oh that was Coraline. She was beautiful. I loved riding her."
John nods. "That's right. Coraline. I fed her sugar lumps. I guess you are who you say you are."
"Kate Connor. We're married now. In 2028, rather. Coming up on our tenth anniversary. Not that you'll remember." She smiles. "He - you - think it's cheesy."
"She is lying," I declare emphatically. All eyes turn to me.
"But you said she is Kate Brewster. The skull matches."
"It does. However, Future John is single. There is no Kate Brewster or Connor in 2028."
"She's the liar! Don't listen to her!"
"And where am I in this future of yours?" Sarah Connor asks.
"Uh...I'm sorry...but you're..."
"Im dead, aren't I?"
Kate nods sadly. "But you really were - are - an inspiration to us all."
"How about you?" Sarah Connor turns to me. "Am I dead in your future?"
"Yes," I tell her, adding, "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Mom, that doesn't mean----"
"We both know what it means, John. It's okay."
"It's not okay. We'll book you into a hospital, have them run more tests, regular tests. We can---"
John is interrupted by a knock on the kitchen door. Alys Ramirez enters, smiling, with my jacket folded under her arm. "Hiya, guys, just came over to---Oh!" She notices Kate Connor. "Sorry, didn't realise you had company. I'll skedaddle. Just came to return Cam's jacket. Catch you later."
After she leaves Kate Connor shakes her head and smiles. "Well well, Lieutenant Ramirez. She looks even more beautiful with two eyes than she does with one."
"You know that girl?"
"Sure. I recruited her myself. Fine soldier. She lost an eye when a tincan infiltrated the tunnels. Touch and go for a few days but she pulled through. She's a toughie."
John rounds on me angrily. "You knew this? She's part of the Resistance?"
"I have no record of Alys Ramirez being part of the Resistance," I insist.
"Another lie," Kate retorts. "They're born liars."
"I am not a liar," I insist. "I would never lie to John."
"Wou wouldn't, huh?"
"No."
"Did you tell him about the man you murdered last night?"
Silence. Sarah Connor turns to me. "What's she talking about?"
"Cat got your tongue?" Kate gloats.
"There are no cats present," I point out. "Therefore it seems unlikely."
"I arrived late yesterday. I didn't want to show up on your doorstep in the middle of the night. She'd have probably shot me if I had. So I watched the house and noticed her wandering around. I followed and saw her meet some guy on a street corner. They talked some then she snapped his neck like it was driftwood, carried the body to the beach and dumped it in the ocean."
"Is this true?" Sarah Connor demands.
"Yes," I admit reluctantly.
"There," says Kate smugly. "That proves she's a liar. And a murderer. But I guess we already know that."
"You killed someone?" John asks. "After all we talked about?"
"He was a drug dealer," I explain. The look of disappointment on his face causes a system glitch. My right hand repeatedly forms itself into a fist then releases, fist, release, over and over independent of my commands.
"A drug dealer. And you appointed yourself judge, jury and executioner."
"He would've attracted police attention. I had to act. I offered him the chance to leave but he declined."
Sarah Connor asks, "How close was he?"
"Four blocks north."
"That's what - half a mile? He wasn't a threat to us. Even if the cops busted him they'd have no reason to come here. You over-reacted."
"I do what is necessary to protect John."
"You murdered a human being," Kate sneers. "It's what you do. What you are. A killer. You'll never change."
"I do what is necessary to protect John," I repeat.
"What's done is done," Sarah Connor announces. "And we're getting off-topic. Why come back at all? And why now?"
"Tomorrow's a special day," Kate beams. "Right now my younger self is in the Valley packing a suitcase. I've been accepted into a vet school on the east coast. I'm literally almost out the door to catch my flight when I get a phone call. It's you, John. You tell me you're alive, you didn't die in the fire and you want to meet so you can tell me everything."
"John, are you planning to call her?" Sarah Connor asks.
John stares down at the floor and I know it is true. He is planning to call her. I was right to be suspicious.
"I wanted to...explain. I just felt she deserved to know the truth."
"We meet," Kate continues, "and he tells me it all. Skynet. Judgement Day. Everything. Then we go to a motel in Laguna Beach and make love all afternoon." She grins at me in triumph. "You're not invited."
"That still doesn't explain why you're here," Sarah Connor counters. "Unless this is some bizarre trip down memory lane."
"Far from it. Okay, here it is. Twenty years from now the cities are starting to cool down, become less radioactive. Some of our people find documents in a military archive. Important documents. They shed new light on how Judgement Day happened."
"What did you find out?"
"That a government agency captures a terminator sometime now, certainly within a few days. They deconstruct it and incorporate its chip in the embryonic Skynet mainframe. It's the missing piece of the puzzle."
"Which terminator? We know of several operating here in this time."
"It's all written down." Kate bares her teeth and points at me. "It's her. Her chip. She's the cause of it all. Cameron is Skynet!"
"NO!"
My glitch rapidly escalates, overwhelming my entire system. I am one thought, one command, one burning desire.
Terminate Kate Connor
My hands grasp her neck and lift her off the ground. Her puny fists pummel my face. John is shouting, pleading, ordering me to stop. Stop, Cameron, stop. But I can't stop. My hands can't be stopped. I can't---
"Put her down, Now."
Cold, hard steel nudges the side of my skull. Sarah Connor's voice is equally cold and hard.
"This is a pump-action shotgun equipped with armor-piercing rounds. Let her go or I blow your silicone brains out."
I release her. She slumps to the ground, face purple, not a good look on her. She is such an autumn.
"Now take a step back. Hands where I can see them."
I comply.
"Are you going to behave?"
"Yes."
"There'll be no second chances."
"I understand."
John helps Kate to her feet. She rubs her throat. her voice is raspy. "That's why I came back. To warn you. And to do what has to be done. We have to destroy her, John. Destroy Cameron. Before she's responsible for killing billions!"
NOON
I am alone in the house. My orders are not to leave under any circumstances. House arrest? It seems like it. Kate Connor has been given the loan of the SUV and some money to stay at a nearby motel. John and his mother are out arranging the loan of another vehicle since it is unknown how long she will be with us or what we are going to do with her.
I know what I would like to do with her. But no one has sought my opinion. There are now two Kate's in the world. Two too many. That is my opinion.
For want of something to do I load the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher and switch it on. A radio is connected to the same power outlet and turns on also. A song plays, a female voice sings:
I'm like a bird
I want to fly away
I don't know where my home is
I don't know where my heart is
"It is situated in your chest cavity, beneath your rib cage," I inform her. She can't hear me, of course, and continues her vapid whine about being birdlike, wishing to fly despite her lack of wings, confused about the whereabouts of her home and vital internal organs. Clearly she is deranged. And I am in no mood to listen to another deranged human female. One is sufficient. I switch the radio off.
I examine my memories, run a full diagnostic. There are no deletions. They have not been tampered with. There is no Kate Connor to be found there. How then did she come to be here?
And if I share her and John's future why did I let her come back?
"Cameron, I know you're in there! Come outside."
A voice I recognise calls my name. Kate Connor. Kate Brewster, as was. And always will be if I have any say in the matter. What is she doing here? She should be at a motel.
More hammering. The voice again, shrill with urgency.
"Cameron, John needs you! He's been injured. He's calling for you."
John is hurt?
I throw open the door, orders be damned. The SUV is slewed sideways across the grass verge, rear door open. Kate anxiously points inside.
"He's in the back. Quickly, Cameron. We don't have much time."
I climb in the back. Empty. No John.
"Where is---"
My inquiry dies in my throat. Something hard is pressed against my neck. My HUD is suddenly awash with red warning icons.
WARNING EXCESS VOLTAGE DETECTED
SYSTEM OVERLOAD
INITIATING EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN
The last coherent image before everything goes dark is Kate Connor's triumphant grin, like a macabre Halloween jack-o-lantern.
She is holding a taser.
JOURNEY
........
......
.....
My reboot is complete. System icons flicker and cycle from red to amber through green. All systems nominal. No permanant damage detected.
But there are changes...
I am still in the back of the SUV, slumped sideways on the seat. My shirt has been removed. Something is pressing against the small of my back, held in place by black duct tape which has been wrapped around my torso several times. My hands are also bound with electrical wire. A futile restraint I can easily---
"Wait."
Kate Connor's face is framed between the front seat back rests.
"That's a taser strapped to your back. It's wired to your wrists. Break the wires and you'll trigger it. Pssst! Your circuits are fried."
"Where is John?"
Kate shrugs. "Out with his mother. I couldn't believe my luck when they left you alone."
"You planned this." A statement not a question.
"Let's just say I had an inkling John would be squeamish about shutting you down permanantly. I think I know my husband well enough, even if here he's just a kid."
"So this was a trap. A ruse."
"Got it in one, Sherlock. Now shut up, sit back and enjoy the ride."
I shut up. I sit back. But I don't enjoy the ride.
DESERT
Buildings thin out. Roads narrow. Traffic lessens. Civilization is left behind. We are driving through the desert beyond Los Angeles.
"Far enough."
Kate Connor steers the SUV off-road, across the desert hardpan.
"End of the line, tinribs. Get out. Slowly. Don't even think about running. I've got a remote control. I'll light you up like the 4th of July."
She opens the door. I get out and start walking.
"Stop there. Sit down."
I do so, cross-legged with my hands in front of me. If Kate comes close enough I may be able to use them as a club without triggering the taser. "What now?" I ask.
"Patience. You'll see."
The desert soil is loose and gritty. The sun is slowly sinking in the west. I estimate there are less than two hours daylight remaining. Will the coming darkness be my friend or my enemy? And will I still be functioning when it arrives?
Kate opens the SUV's trunk and removes a long-handle shovel, so new it still has the price tag attached. $19.99. At Wal-Mart. I wonder if she had coupons. She begins to dig.
I don't bother asking what she is doing or why. I do not lack perspicacity, intuition or a sense of foreboding.
She is digging my grave.
Kate digs with an easy motion, methodical, conserving energy. The hole grows wider and deeper. She sweats out her cotton top, dark ringlets form around her armpits, limp ginger hair tendrils obscure her face. She probably smells real bad. It is no comfort. Well, a little perhaps.
"I could do that for you," I tell her. "Why tire yourself out unnecessarily?"
"I don't mind hard work. And if I cut you loose you'd use this shovel to slice my head off."
I say nothing. It's as if she read my mind like a book. A very short book entitled KILL KATE CONNOR. The plot is basic; the title says it all really. But an enjoyable read nevertheless.
"John will not be pleased if you destroy me."
"John's always had blinkers where you're concerned. You know, in the future I make sure you're assigned to all the dangerous missions, just hoping something bad will happen and you never return. But you always do. Sometimes you're pretty badly damaged. Once you nearly lost an arm. And who repaired you? My darling husband. Alone in his workshop. We have tech guys who could do the job just as well, but no, only the great John Connor is allowed to fix his precious Cameron."
"Your memories do not correlate with mine."
Kate shrugs, wipes the sweat from her brow. "I don't give a damn what you say. I hated you even before I learnt you were the cause of it all."
"I am not Skynet."
"I saw the documents, bitch. I held them in my hands. I wept over them."
"You are consumed with jealousy. You envy the bond John and I share, the one you can never have."
"Ha! Shows what you know. You think I'd abandon my husband when the war is almost won, travel here just because I'm the jealous sort? I'm saving the world. I'm a bonafide frigging superhero!" She shakes her head, smiles mirthlessly and clambers out of the hole she has painstakingly dug. "Walk over here and get in the hole."
"You mean my grave?"
Another mirthless smile. "Potato potato."
I do as ordered. What choice do I have? While I function there is still hope.
Kate tosses the shovel aside and removes a pump-action shotgun from the back of the SUV. I know this weapon well; helped Sarah Connor select it from the gunsmith. It has armor-piercing rounds designed to destroy terminators.
To destroy me.
Kate pumps a round into the chamber. "Nice action. Smooth. It's been well looked after."
"I clean and oil it every week without fail."
She grins. "Oooh, the irony. Sends a shiver up my spine."
"Come closer. I will massage it better."
"I'll bet you would! Like a pretzel. This is it, monster. Any final words?"
Final words. Humans put much stock in this ritual. A last chance to leave a vocal imprint on the world they are leaving behind forever. A curse, a plea, a witty quip, a summation of a life well or ill spent.
"Tell John I love him," I request. Simple. Profound. True.
Kate throws her head back and laughs at the darkening sky. "Yeah, like I'm gonna tell him that!"
"...no need. I already know..."
"John!"
It is John, stepping from behind the SUV, dangling a pistol loosely at his side. There is no sign of Sarah Connor, but then there was no sign of John until he appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
"H...How did you---"
"How did I find you?" He nods at the SUV. "It's lo-jacked. Not the first someone I care about's been kidnapped."
John cares about me...
"How much did you overhear?"
"Some of it. Enough to know you lied to me."
"John, in all our years of marriage I have never lied to you."
"You lied about the documents you found. The ones implicating Cameron."
"No! It's all true, I swear. Cameron is Skynet."
"And how did she come to be Skynet, Kate?"
"I...don't know for sure. The details were vague. A government agency captures her, I think the NSA. It's not important. What is im---"
"Tell me about Agent Foster."
The name spoken aloud shocks Kate but doesn't surprise her. There is a note of evasion in her voice.
"Agent Foster? I don't recognise the name."
"Sure you do. He interviewed you just a few weeks ago. Made quite an impression with the lies and half-truths he told you about me."
"A few weeks ago for you, maybe. For me it's been twenty years. I don't remember every---"
"Agent Foster instructed you to call him if I made contact. That's how it happened, isn't it? I call, tell you I'm alive, explain everything, and you go running to Agent Foster."
Kate is silent. She has developed a slight facial tic above her left eye, like a tiny moth trapped under the skin.
John continues, "Whose idea was the motel in Laguna Beach? His? Get me out of the way while they came for Cameron."
"It was my idea," Kate admits, her voice a mere whisper now. "He just said to keep you occupied. He didn't say why. I really did love you, John. I still do."
"That's what you found in the documents, isn't it? Your part in it all. The fact that you set in motion the events that must've led to Cameron becoming Skynet. The guilt must be overwhelming."
A nod. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears, voice scarely audible. "Billions dead....Because of something I'd done. Unknowingly, but still..."
"So you time-jumped to change things, alter the past."
"Yes. Yes. Don't you see, John? I can make things better. We both can. By eradicating her it won't matter if I call Agent Foster tomorrow. Cameron will be gone. Destroy her, save the world."
"There's another way."
"There is no other way! Why can't I make you understand!"
"Suppose I don't call. You fly east, train to become a vet, live your life. Agent Foster hasn't a clue where we are unless you tell him."
"That's her future! The one without me in it! Is that what you want - for us never to be married or even together?"
"I gotta tell you, Kate, at the moment it's looking pretty damn good to me."
"You would do that to me? Deny our love for a...a machine! No! No, I won't let you. If you won't destroy her then I will!"
The shotgun is aimed at me. She is twenty feet away. I can clearly see her finger on the trigger.
A shot rings out. Two shots. Two shots fired so close together they sound as one. Kate's round hits the ground mere inches from my face, showering me with grit and desert soil. Damage is minimal, limited to abrasions of my pseudo-flesh.
Kate Connor is not so fortunate.
She stares down at the hole that has appeared in the middle of her chest, already oozing blood. She drops the shutgun, sinks to her knees, stares up at John who stares back, his face pale and stricken in the rapidly fading light.
"John? I..."
She topples foward and lies still.
HOME
We bury Kate Connor in the grave she intended for me. As she herself might've put it: oooh, the irony.
When it is done we return home. John tells Sarah Connor everything. She is sympathetic and supportive up until the part about breaking into the NSA house, then her temper flares.
"That was stupid. You could've got yourself captured or killed."
"Mom, don't you get it? If I hadn't seen the interviews on the disc we stole I would never have put all this together. I might've believed her that destroying Cameron was the only way to prevent Judgement Day."
"I hope you're not still thinking of calling her tomorrow?"
"It would be like pulling the trigger a second time. Once was more than enough."
"She's not really dead, you know that, don't you."
"She sure seemed dead when we put her in the ground."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I guess I do. It's like when Derek was killed. He's dead but somewhere..."
"...he's a young boy, his life ahead of him."
John nods, rubs his eyes. "I wonder how many different futures there are that we don't know about?"
"Who knows? You can drive yourself crazy just thinking about it. And right now the only future I want is one with a decent cup of coffee."
John smiles grimly. "Make it two."
CODA
Evening. John sits on the sofa and watches TV without really seeing what he is watching, his thoughts elsewhere. I sit beside him. I take his hand in mine, squeeze it gently.
"I give you permission," I tell him.
"Permission for what?"
"Permission to destroy me if there is any chance of my becoming Skynet."
"Cam..."
"Promise me."
"Promise you what?"
"Promise me you won't hesitate. Not for a moment. I am not worth billions of lives."
John brushes the hair back from my face. "You mean it, don't you?"
"Promise me," I insist.
"It won't come to that. We'll----"
"Promise me. Now and for all the times."
He smiles at me sadly, eyes welling with tears. He brushes my lips with the ends of his fingers. I kiss them softly.
"I promise. Now. And for all the times."
On the TV peak time programming gives way to late night schedules. Sarah Connor retires to bed, a motherly admonishment to her son not to stay up too late. He barely hears her, still lost deep within himself.
A short movie starring the Three Stooges starts to play. The Stooges are three insanely violent humans who seem impervious to the pain they inflict on each other. They're like slapstick terminators. Normally John enjoys their antics very much, unlike his mother who thinks they are idiotic and absurd. Duh.
"The Three Stooges," I point out. "And it's a Curly."
A grunt of acknowledgement.
"A Curly, not a Shemp," I persevere. "You don't like Shemp."
"Shemp's okay. Wasn't his fault Curly got sick."
But today even Curly cannot cheer John up. Only when I imitate his trademark yuk-yuk-yuk and poke myself in the eyes is there even a trace of a smile on his lips. I wonder if John will ever laugh again.
A football game follows the Stooges. Humans in colourful costumes and shiny armour in vigorous pursuit of an ovoid ball. More violence. Violence as humour, sport, entertainment. A recurring theme in human existence.
The plays are sluggish and uninvolving, the frequent ad breaks repetitive and intrusive. John's eyes close, his head lolls on my shoulder. His breathing becomes slow and regular as sleep claims him.
I claim him.
Kate Connor lies in the cold desert earth. Kate Brewster is bound for the east coast, fate unknown, unwritten, hers alone.
Dead but alive. Alive yet dead.
The timelines are restored. My memories are the true memories.
John's hair is mussed. I pat it down, lightly kissing the top of his head. He stirs in his sleep and whispers my name.
My name not hers.
Cameron. Not Kate.
Cameron.
John.
My John.
Once and future John.
Mine.
-000-
Hope that made sense
That's it for Kate. No comebacks for her.