The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum

MONDAY

I find some old nail polish bottles that Sarah Connor has left out for the trash. There is still an amount left in several bottles so I decide to recycle and apply some to my own fingernails. This is a very human trait and will enable me to blend in with the girls at school, many of whom have brightly coloured nails. I will be one of the gang.

"What are you doing?" John asks as he comes down for breakfast. I explain about the nail polish.

"Okay but why are you holding your hands in the air like that?"

"The polish is taking a long time to dry."

"Try blowing on them. Like this." John blows gently on my wet fingernails. "It's how mom gets hers to dry quicker."

"Oh. Thank you for blowing me."

"Any time," John grins.

When my nails are dry I go outside and stow my bag in the Porsche ready for the journey to school. Jerold Ramirez is in his driveway working on the VW Bug. It appears the solenoid is still giving him problems.

"Hey, Cam," he greets me.

"Jerold."

"What you been up too lately?"

"John blew me," I inform him. "It was most helpful as I was wet." I pause. "Is something wrong? Your face is red."

"John - your brother John - blew you?"

"Now he has demonstrated how it is done I will be able to do so myself."

"Oh my God! I can't believe I'm hearing this!"

"It's quite simple. You put your lips together and-"

"I know how it's done! You and your brother must be - uh - very close?"

"We love each other very much. Are you sure you're alright? Your face is still red."

"I might go indoors and take a cold shower."

"A cold shower is very invigorating."

John emerges from the house and sees Jerold.

"Hey, man, you doing okay?"

"Not as okay as you apparently."

"Huh? What's that mean?"

"I was telling Jerold how you helped me earlier," I explain.

"Oh that. No big deal. Something I watched mom do."

"You watched your mom...Oh my God! You two are unbelievable! I can't even look at you right now!"

He stomps off inside without saying goodbye.

John frowns. "What's bugging him?"

"I don't think he liked my fingernails."

"Bit harsh. He's not normally that much of a jerk."

"He became agitated when I told him you blew me. Maybe I should let my nails dry naturally?"

John stares at me. "Oh no," he sighs.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. A misunderstanding. I'll go explain it to him."

"He's taking a cold shower."

A wry grin. "Maybe I'll wait."

It occurs to me that my command of the nuances of the english language may have left something to be desired. My bad. Truly, being human is not as easy as it looks.

SCIENCE CLASS

Ellie Ryan is calmer today. As I take my seat next to her neither of us mentions what occured in her white Honda a few days before. I am prepared to forgive her clumsy attempt at blackmail. For now.

"That's Ren Taylor, right there," Ellie says, pointing at the girl seated in front of us. "You can tell because she's a complete and utter skank!"

Ren Taylor overhears and looks round. She is a slim, attractive girl with brown hair and green eyes. She doesn't share Ellie's taste in kohl eyeliner and black nail varnish. Few people do.

"You talking about me, Ryan?"

"None of your beeswax, Taylor!"

"Weird much?"

"Michael's only dating you out of pity!"

"You'd like to believe that, wouldn't you?"

"It's true!"

"What's your damage? As if we didn't know."

"What's that mean?"

"Bitten anyone lately, Vampira?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Oooh - bite me, Buffy!"

"Buffy's a vampire slayer not a vampire, you idiot!"

"What-ever."

Ren Taylor turns her back on us. Ellie seethes.

"I hate her! You really won't kill her for me?"

"You must learn to fight your own battles."

"Maybe I will. She deserves it."

Our assignments are handed out. We must work in pairs to construct a miniature working steam engine from the parts provided. A steam engine? How archaic. Why not a miniature working nuclear power plant? Slightly more of a challenge.

"Oh God," Ellie groans, "we did this last year. I managed to set the table on fire."

"How did you do that?"

"I don't know. If I knew I wouldn't have done it, would I?"

Her logic seems flawed but I let it pass.

The task is simple enough. I assemble the pieces while Ellie doodles a sketch of Ren Taylor with a knife stuck in her head. I don't think this will count towards our final grade.

"Finished."

I light the furnace and the water boils in the tiny boiler which creates steam to operate the pistons. It runs perfectly. James Watt would be proud.

The teacher, Miss Womack, is also impressed.

"Finished already you two? Excellent work! An A for you both. I think that's your first ever A, Eleanor. Congratulations."

"Patronise much," Ellie grumbles as the teacher moves away. "I'd like to do her in too."

"Why?"

"She bugs me. C'mon, wouldn't you like to ice her ass?"

"Just a little," I confess.

Old habits die hard.

LOCKERS

John and I meet up by the lockers. We exchange smiles and a brief kiss. Caroline is also present, stowing books in her locker. Her long blonde hair is gone replaced by a thin sheen of peach fuzz that covers her scalp. She glares in my direction and slams her locker closed. Grudge much? It appears so.

"Who's that girl?" John asks, evidently not recognising her.

"Caroline. The girl who asked you out."

"That's Caroline? Man, she looks different."

"She changed her hairstyle."

"It's a bit extreme."

"Really? I think it suits her."

SAFEHOUSE

John and I drive home from school, load up on supplies and Snowy, then head for the alternative safehouse deep in the countryside.

"Did we forget anything?" John asks.

"That is a contradition in terms," I reply. "If we knew we had forgotten something then it wouldn't be forgotten."

"Very logical, Mr Spock," John grins.

I look around. It is just John, me and Snowy present. No Mr Spock. Another expression, no doubt. I add it to the list.

When we arrive Snowy bounds out of the vehicle and heads for the wide open spaces that surround the house. He is intent on chasing and catching rabbits. So far he has been unsuccessful in this endeavour. He is a city dog and the rabbits here are wily and fleet-footed. But he will persevere. Why wouldn't he? Snowy is a terminator's dog after all.

John concentrates on white-washing the interior walls while I transfer weapons to the basement and fit new doorlocks.

"It's starting to come together." John announces as he finishes painting the final wall. "Now all we need is furniture. Lots of furniture. Got any poker money left?"

"Three quarters of a million dollars."

"Good because I'm tapped out. And my allowance won't run to much more than a sofa cushion." He indicates the living room wall. "We'll hang a flat panel TV over there. Biggest and best we can afford."

"We don't want to miss American Idol."

"Damn straight! You know, I think mom was right. I do see this place as more than somewhere to hide out if things go bad. I mean, most people my age are busy going away to college or getting a job and being independent for the first time in their lives. Why should I be any different?"

"Most people aren't John Connor."

"Lucky them." John places his paint roller in a trash bag. "You done fitting the new locks?"

"Yes."

"Good. Let's check them out. Go outside."

I leave the house and stand on the verandah. John locks the door. "Okay, now try and break in."

I give the door a shove. It collapses inwards.

John surveys the wreckage and with a rueful smile states, "I think we're gonna need bigger locks."

SNOWY

John and I sit outside on the rear porch. The rays of the setting sun are just warm enough to be comfortable. For John, that is. I would be comfortable if it was twenty below. And a raging blizzard.

"It's nice here," John announces contentedly. "Maybe too hot in the summer, but in the spring and Fall it'll be paradise."

"The wilderness is a constant in your life. In the future it will be the mountains, fly-fishing in the tarns and streams when the exigencies of War allow."

"Ah right. Fly-fishing. You mentioned that before. How does that work exactly?"

"You show me how it works, remember?"

"How can I remember? It hasn't happened yet."

Wheels within wheels. Causal loops and time paradoxes. Do I end up teaching John the fly-fishing techniques he will one day teach me? I don't know. It is enough to make your brain ache. If I had a brain.

"Still, mom can't deny this is as good a refuge as any. Those government agencies are still after us, especially now they have an inkling of what you are. And then there's Chola. She's still out there."

I say nothing.

"Who knows what she's planning?"

I again say nothing.

John sighs. "You went after her, didn't you?"

"Why d'you say that?"

"Because the Cameron I know would consider her a threat."

"She was a clear and present danger."

"Was?"

Oops...

"I'm not mad at you. What's done is done. Will it come back and bite us?"

"I was discrete."

"Did she suffer?"

"No."

"Okay. If mom asks I'll deal with it."

"Agreed."

"It's getting late. We should find Snowy and leave before it gets dark."

Snowy is nowhere to be found.

"Snowy!" John yells. "C'mon, boy, time to vamoose!"

Nothing.

We walk further into the landscape to the place where rabbit burrows scar the green fields.

"Snowy! Come on, fella. No time for games."

Still nothing.

"Where is he? He can't just have disappeared. Snowy! Here, boy!"

...woof...woof...

"You hear that?" John checks his iPhone.

help! snowy trapped underground! frightened!

"He's stuck down a rabbit hole. Go back to the house and fetch a pickaxe. We might have to dig him out."

"There's no time."

I move to the nearest rabbit scrape and begin removing turf by hand. Soon I locate the main tunnel. Heavy sods of earth fly through the air as I expose more and more of the burrow.

"Cameron, wait! Let's see if we can pinpoint his position."

We listen.

...woof...woof...

help! snowy can't breathe! snowy choking!

"Over in this direction."

We move fifty yards further east.

"Okay, try here."

I punch my fists into the ground. Another tunnel is located. I systematically rip it apart. I will dig to the centre of the earth if that is what it takes.

"Hang on, boy. We're coming."

Finally there he is. A small white bundle of fur trapped fast by the constricting tunnel walls. I remove the last turf and carefully lift him out and cradle his trembling body. Snowy whimpers in my arms.

John smiles with relief.

"I guess even paradise has its dangers."

-000-

I have no idea why Jerold loses his cool. No idea at all. ;-)