Beckett is going nuts. She wanted some time without the security detail hovering, but now that they've gone for a few hours to get supplies, she's nervous as a cat. No, she's as nutty as a squirrel. The cat is utterly content on her lap, purring and looking up at her like she is its savior. She can't even be responsible for saving her own skin right now, much less helping others - even a fur ball. She looks down at the small fluffy kitten and strokes the long silky orange and white fur. It purrs louder and all Kate can do is let out a wistful sigh.
If anyone would have told her she'd be sitting on the porch of a farmhouse on a hot sunny day petting a kitten and letting everyone else fight her battle she would have told them there is no way in hell. The fiery pit of damnation has many different views though, and all it took was a candid reminder from Lanie about the unintended consequences that put Roy in the cross-hairs and her with a hole in the heart. Yes, Lanie has gotten pretty damn tough after doing CPR on her best friend. The good doctor pushed her into the rehab center with all that therapy, but the brutal honesty and counseling made a positive impact. Now she has to prove the changes are real.
That's how Kate Beckett came to be hiding at a farm in upstate New York, glad for some solitude, but not wanting to be alone. The burner phone chirps and she digs it out of her pocket despite the protest the little critter makes at being jostled. Security notice: the approaching vehicle is safe. The courier from the city is coming out today. Kate is secretly hoping for something from Castle: coffee, a letter, a book, anything, but she's been quietly disappointed so far. Regardless of his silence, she penned another missive to send him.
The driver parks over by the pole barn and takes forever to get moving. A cane appears first. Then the gray whiskered man slowly swings his legs out of dusty green car, and pulls himself upright. Well, he's hunched over the cane so 'upright' is a generous description. At least Beckett doesn't feel the slightest bit threatened by the old geezer. He shuffles to the rear door. When he finally gets it open, he sets a few bags out. It's hard to watch him juggle the parcels and his walking stick. Kate wants to go help him, but she holds back, knowing that helping someone who doesn't want it could emphasize their weakness and demean their independence. It's a drawn-out process for him to navigate the distance to the porch and he keeps his focus down so as not to lose his footing.
He stops a few feet from her and sets the bags down. "Hello there missy."
The voice is rough, the clothes are hanging loose and the eyes are green but Kate launches herself at him. The kitten squeals at getting dumped in the wheelchair without a nice soft lap but the humans are indifferent to everything but each other.
Beckett is going to crush the air out of his lungs if she hugs him any tighter. There's nothing wrong with her arm strength even if she looks small and fragile. Castle wants to wrap her up and never let go but he's afraid of all these injuries and how thin she is. Seeing her in a wheel chair is jarring. Regardless he can't bring himself to pull away so he breathes her in and lets his heart heal.
"Castle, you're here." She states the obvious and can't seem to force herself to step away from him. But she eases back enough to study his face, "You've got a beard! I thought it was part of the disguise but it's real."
She runs her hand through the scruff on his face and that's going to refuel some very good dreams but he has to stop her. "You're in a wheelchair? Everyone managed to hide that from me."
She nods refusing to back down from simple truths. "Yeah, I seem to have a pattern of not acting in my own best interest. I'm trying to learn from my mistakes." She eases back to sit in the contraption after dislodging the furry occupant. The first real grin in weeks breaks free. He's 'not asking' very loudly. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know if you promise to do the same?"
A look flitters across his face and she worries aloud, "Please tell me you can stay for a while? Do you want to talk or are you really just delivering things and heading right back to the city? Rick, I know... No, I can imagine..." she trails off and looks down.
"Kate, you know me. I'm a sucker for a story. I don't have to head back to the city for a couple of hours."
She lights up again, "Good!" She studies him. "Has Martha been practicing her stage makeup on you?" She wants the light teasing back between them.
"Beckett, I will not take any risks when it comes to your safety. I'm keeping my distance so I won't lead them to you." That's not really why he started keeping his distance, but she doesn't need any more burdens to carry. "I went to a hotel where I changed into a fat suit because an effective way to disguise my height is by making people focus on the girth. Then I go to the nearest hospital, loose the fake weight, and emerge as an old man because hunching over also disguises my height. I do more checks to make sure I'm not being tailed and only then did I drive here. The process takes hours and I don't want to arouse suspicion by being off grid too long so that's why I only stay a short time before I have to get back."
"I've brought so much angst into your life, Rick." She hates that but all she can do to atone for the past is make better choices for the future. It feels ridiculous to invite him into a place that he's paying for, but it's an unconscious bid to get him away from the car and back in her life. "Let's go in and I'll make us coffee."
"I brought coffee and a gourmet meal from Q3. Madison sends her love." Castle leaves the cane on the porch and navigates the door, takes a right and goes straight through the sitting room to the kitchen in the back. He's full of nervous energy and his mind won't slow down and let him focus. He buys time by reheating the food and taking inventory of the clear jars filled with vegetables and jams on open wooden shelves. There seems to be an abundance of wholesome food so that's not the reason she's lost weight. If he were taking care of her she'd eat more.
"You've been here before."
He pauses and looks down at her. She's sitting and he's standing and it's throwing off the equilibrium. "I started looking for a place right after the dirty bomb. It seemed pointless to trap my loved ones downwind of radioactive fallout by sending them to the Hamptons ." He plates the food wondering if he should move in and help her get back on her feet - literally.
"Now it makes sense. This has to be the only organic farm available at a moments notice with a high tech security system and a bunker in the basement." Beckett wheels over to the pegs that hold the mugs and grabs two cups and then opens the thermos to pour the steaming beverage out. "I wondered if it was your place because it has so many books, but when I looked closer they are mostly nonfiction with a few classic novels."
He shrugs. "I put Alexis in charge of the library. She said if the zombie apocalypse hits we need reference information not scary stories or romantic nonsense."
Kate nods her understanding at the practical side of his offspring. She's cradling the mug and breathes in the scent and finally lets the elixir slide down her throat savoring the robust flavor. The small moan escapes without her permission.
Castle is gaping at her. "Please tell me you don't make that sound around other men. I know the security team is supposed to morally incorruptible, but you could test any man's vows."
She blushes. "It's your fault. You know what your coffee means to me."
Shit, he is going to die right here and never get to live happily ever after. Down boy. She's got this glow from getting sun and she's looking at him like she could gobble him up. He really likes this new version of Beckett. "Eat your food. I don't want to tell Maddy you didn't appreciate her cuisine."
"Rick, you've lost a lot of weight. Are you okay?"
"I needed to loose a few pounds so I've been working out. Are you okay here?"
The detective frowns at his evasion but wants to pursue the topic since he brought it up. "It's perfect situation and good for me. They are solid people who are reassuring to be around. I've watched their routine and vigilance and I'm impressed. Wendy, the physical therapy gal, is a gem. She won't let me overwork but keeps me challenged. And this place, Rick, I can't convey how much this all means to me. I don't know how I will ever pay you back." She stops eating to reach over and squeeze his hand, trying to express everything in whatever little time they have together.
"Good. And don't worry about it - Nikki is paying the bill and I'm not going to waste time arguing about it." He's had a trust fund for her since the $100,000 payout to Conan. Someday he hopes they can settle the argument about her refusing access to his money when there is a ring on her finger. The heart wants what the heart wants - despite everything.
"Dad called this morning and said Black Pawn is giving you a hard time. He explained a little bit and asked if I..."
"Kate, sorry to interrupt but I don't want what little time we have to be confused with subtext about Heat and Rook. What the hell happened to you?"
She puts down her fork. "I did promise you the story, so for better or worse here it is: When I left the hospital all I wanted was someplace quiet and safe to lick my wounds. I craved the solitude of dad's cabin where memories of a happy childhood still made the place seem like a fortress from the bad things in the world. I was a stubborn patient and pushed my recovery as fast as I dared. I wanted my father to move on with his life and I wanted to pretend this never happened."
"Things were going okay for the first two weeks. I want to lie and say they were going well, but I wasn't eating as much as I should or taking my pain meds or dealing with nightmares instead of pretending I was fine. I was jumpy and headstrong and difficult to be around. None of this should surprise you." She waits, trying to read his facial expressions, but their unspoken communication seems to be on the fritz.
She sets her shoulders and forces out more of the tale, "Someone decorated a tree by the driveway with heart shaped crystals. Unfortunately the flashes of light made me jumpy. What I refused to admit at the time was that they were causing PTSD triggers. I guess I must have seen the same flash you did from the rifle scope. I lasted three days before I couldn't take the spectrum of colors reflecting to the windows of the cabin. I deliberately got my father out of the way and slowly dragged a small step stool out to the tree. I climbed up and felt so strong when I cut down that first prism. I chopped another two and then moved the ladder to slay more. By the third time I repositioned it I was getting tired and clumsy. I went too high and reached too far. It's no wonder I fell."
He grabs her hand trying to lend her his strength, "Oh, Kate."
"I blacked out and laid there unconscious until my dad found me. I woke up back in a hospital and in worse shape than before. I tore my stitches and an infection took hold in the wound on my side. The doctors surmise I hit my head on the ladder and again on the ground because I had a severe concussion. To complete my screw up from head to toe, I added a broken ankle to my list of ailments. Since crutches were not an option, I am stuck in a wheelchair and have pushed back my recover at least six weeks. Karma is a bitch."
He pushes away the uneaten plate of food. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I pictured Josh being by your side so I stayed away. I should have been a better partner and..."
"No Rick, I sent you away. I should have called instead of taking the easy way out and writing you a note. I wanted you to hold onto the fiction about the 'extraordinary KB' instead of seeing the extra-bitchy KB. Anyway, Dad gave me quite an earful and Lanie stepped in. She pulled some strings and got me in a top notch therapy center that really tries to provide a 'whole person' approach to rehabilitation. I went through a lot of counseling and therapy and made the most of the opportunity to get my shit together. I was there until Thornton came to deliver a Heat manuscript that had a hole cut in it - you're such a tease, Castle!" She's beaming at him trying to erase as much of the darkness hanging over him as possible.
"How much longer until you can walk again?"
"I'm getting a walking cast next trip to the doctor. Rick, there's so much I need to say to you..."
"Yeah, but you need to eat first. Are you really staying away from the task force?" He's studying her and trying to get a read on this new version of Beckett. His heart is demanding answers but he wants to get past the other stuff first.
"I'm serious about letting others investigate so we can stay safe. They won't tell me who the dragon is and I'm okay with that. I have suggested a few avenues of investigation but that's it."
"Like what?" He's avoided talking to the two men as much as possible. It's like old times to get a case update from his favorite detective.
"Oh, just the plan to investigate the military connections and the overseas drug supply line. It means a few more trusted sources are helping out." She wants to be honest but she also wants to protect him.
His temper is quick to flare, "Beckett, they need to check in with me before trusting anyone." He starts to pull out the burner phone but she stops him.
She reaches out, takes his hand, and waits for him to met her eyes. "Rick, they are solid. Dr. Kyle Winston is a psychiatrist who works with veterans. He can help investigate the military angle without raising any suspicion. The task force needs to look carefully at Cole Maddox, the paramilitary team that got him out, and the sniper rifle. Kyle is not even in New York so there's very little chance anyone will find a connection with us."
Castle's teeth are still clenched so she gives his hand a squeeze and tries to carefully navigate the minefield. "The other guy is Luis AuClair, an Interpol agent based in France who is in the organized crime division. He's thinks the drug pipeline is one they already know a lot about. Any previous time they reached out to the FBI for US cooperation they were brushed off saying we didn't need foreigners helping. You'd like this guy, he's Noblesse chevaleresque - an actual knight." She's trying to tease and lighten things up.
"Okay, those are good avenues for the task force to pursue, but I need to review all the members. I've got a lot of 'ears' listening to the bad guys. I put out the word in the prisons to your list of inmates who think you are their favorite school teacher. I'm the one compiling the list of bad guys."
"NO! You can't be involved! I'm sitting on the sidelines because I know you'd try to back me up and I can't let you be put in the cross-hairs. Rick, you've got to stop! Now. Before anyone realizes what you're doing." She's starting to panic.
"Hey Kate look at me. I'm not doing anything, just listening. I'm merely listening to the grapevine and waiting to see who is picking the fruit. No big deal. If anyone is watching I'm still moping around missing my favorite detective. It's okay. Just like I need to trust you are being smart about things, you need to trust me. Okay?" His eyes are mesmerizing her, but they're green, not blue.
She's reluctant but nods, "I just worry about you Rick - and Alexis. That's why I'm trying so hard to get it right this time. I want this investigation to succeed even if it means I'm not running it. I'm keeping my promise to stay out of it and let the task force do its work. I need you to stay off the radar, too. That's why I vouched for these guys."
"I'm not questioning your word, but we thought Montgomery was clean and look at his hidden involvement. I've got sources, too. You need to give me some background on these guys. Anyone you've worked with that is suddenly coming forward to help is suspicious." The chances of Interpol being corrupted are slim but...
She's careful with her words, "Despite what happened early in his career, I think the captain was a good man. You know I don't trust easily and I do a decent job of reading people, so I know the two additional men are beyond reproach. They're just friends, nothing work related."
"You've never mentioned them before." It's possible her medications are clouding who she trusts.
"They're old friends. I knew them before mom was killed. Actually Madison knows them too. It's okay, Rick."
He studies her. She's being weird about this. "Beckett, just tell me."
"Castle just trust me." She looks down unwilling to let him search her eyes.
It niggles at the back of his mind. Before Johanna died would be really old friends - boys from high school. Maddy and a conversation about types... 'Becks doesn't have a type... she dated a medical student and a guy who was French royalty.' And now she's vouching for a psychiatrist and a knight. It can't be...
"Just how well do you know them?"
"Castle, let it go."
"If I talk to Jim or Maddison will they tell me these guys are old boyfriends?"
"What does it matter? The important thing is they can help put the dragon away so we can move forward."
He is incredulous, "What does it matter if your little task force is made up of former lovers? We've got Demming and Sorenson and now two more old flames join the club! What does it mean that they're working on it but you don't want me being a part of it? You're right, my feelings don't matter because I'm not part of the inner circle."
The inner circle equals the intimate circle. His emotions are at war between devastated and furious. Either way he can't stand another minute here. He pushes back from the table and starts moving.
"Rick that's not fair! I don't want them to be the ones working on the case - it's supposed to be you and me slaying the dragon together, not sitting on the sidelines but at least we are on the same side. Or, we're supposed to be in sync - that's the only reason I'm not pursuing it so you won't and we can both be safe." She struggles to navigate her chair as fast as the long strides which are carrying him away.
"Any more old flames who've seen you naked that you want to parade before me?"
"Rick please! I'll send them away! Stop, let's talk about this..."
"Nothing to talk about Beckett. Let's just leave things status quo. No contact. It's for the best."
Last chance, she yells across the distance, "Rick please. I'm begging you not to leave like this."
He's already across the front lawn with the car door slamming and the engine roaring to life. He's gone in a cloud of dust, leaving behind a broken woman. The kitten jumps on her lap tries to nuzzle her hand, but all she can do is sit in a stupor with tears streaming down her face.
A/N: It's never simple with these two! Castle is always touted for 'knowing a guy' but they would be 'outsiders' to Johanna's case. Why shouldn't KB use her trusted sources? Should I go into hiding?