TW: child abuse mentioned
Holly woke up with a headache pounding in her brain. Instinctively she grumbled and cracked her eyes open. Holly was didn't contemplate sleeping in; she was long used to being forced into action despite waking up in pain. It was instinct; it happened before she even truly knew where she was. Before Holly even realized that she could very well sleep in within Hogwarts' Hospital Wing. She could have slept in because she was in the infirmary… again.
"Not again," Holly whined as she pressed her fingers firmly into her temple. There was someone beside her, she could sense their gaze. But without her glasses, Holly couldn't truly make out the brown blob as a person. She peaked an eye open, looking for her wayward glasses and found them suddenly thrust toward her, held in uncertain hands.
"Here." Holly reached out and ran her fingers around the delicate metal. Her poor glasses were scratched to the high heavens, and after the last year, she found that looking through them that everything was a tiny bit fuzzy. It meant she'd have to do yet another trip to the eye-doctor with… well, not her aunt, Holly didn't live with Petunia any more. She'd have to ask the Weasley's instead to take her… she wondered if there was a magical eye-doctor and how expensive that would be.
Holly shook out her wayward thoughts as she placed her glasses on her face. She ignored the fuzziness and the slight cloudiness of everything as she usually saw and focused instead on the person who'd handed them to her. In this case, it was Professor Lupin. Holly found herself instantly relieved by the golden shade in his eyes; that the color itself was a comfort wasn't something she wanted to get into. She knew most others would be thrown off by the lupine look instead of the typical warm brown. Holly wasn't most people though. She'd noticed the drastic personality change associated with the man's eyes. Holly much preferred how Lupin acted when his eyes were gold. He'd had brown eyes when he'd confronted her about Padfoot on the first day, brown when teaching them and ignoring her, brown as he avoided her every time she went to speak to him. But he'd had gold when he'd given her the truth, gold when he'd protected her from the dementor, and gold now.
Holly suspected the color had something to do with the fact that Lupin was a werewolf; she didn't press for proof of that thought. Holly didn't want to be insensitive or seem clueless before her parents' friend. Instead, she'd just ask Hermione later about the color, and if Hermione didn't know, they'd figure it out together.
As Holly took him in, Remus set aside a book he had been reading upside-down and settled his hands in his lap to smile kindly at her. As he did, a form shifted at her feet, the fur that brushed her leg was no longer alien, so Holly didn't have to look to know it was just Padfoot making himself comfortable.
"Thanks… Professor Lupin?" she hesitated, unsure what to do the man who'd been that close to her parents. While at the same time, she found herself wondering where Pomfrey was usually the woman arrived immediately after Holly woke up.
"Please," his hands flexed on his pants. Holly noticed the shift, she always noticed the hands first. The hands were always the first sign of when Vernon would attack if they moved in aggression than Holly knew to brace herself. She noticed hands first. But Lupin didn't lift them, they just flexed, and her gaze turned back to his eyes - the second thing to watch, hands and then eyes. "Call me Moony," he requested as he scooted the chair closer toward her. There was a minimal distance between them now, just a small place for his legs and the bed, and she wasn't… she wasn't afraid. His hands weren't rushing toward her, he wasn't bright purple or red in color; he was calm, and his eyes were gold.
Holly wasn't scared of this Lupin no matter what he did during the full moon, not until she'd been given a reason not to trust him.
"What happened?" Holly rubbed her nose and glanced around. It was just her, Padfoot, and Moony, and there was still no sign of Pomfrey.
"You fell unconscious." There was a snorting noise from the foot of the bed where Padfoot lay, but the sound had to be a coincidence because dogs didn't do that. They didn't, and Holly told herself they didn't even if she'd seen what happened when an animal acted a bit... too, human. Moony shot her dog a baleful look, and Holly purposely ignored it. "Your magic lashed out in defense, and it tried to move too far from you, the backlash knocked you out."
"Defense of what?" Holly immediately asked as she pushed herself into a proper position to have a conversation. A position that Moony acknowledged as defensive, it made her seem bigger in the too-large bed, made her able to fight or flee easier. Moony mourned that she had to do that with him. If he'd had his way, his pup would never have doubted his intentions, but she did, and he had to remind himself that she was hurt, and she was scared, and he should not react to it. And then a light growl escaped him, it was protective, just thinking of what caused her fear made him furious-
Holly's eyes flew wide, and he instantly snapped the sound off when the harsh scent of fear drifted into his nose.
"Sir-" she cut off as he released an inhuman whine, "Moony?" and corrected.
That was the problem, not that Moony or Holy yet realized it. Moony was too much of a wolf to act according to the humans around him, he didn't understand them or their motivation. While should he allow his human part to reign, then Remus would never act, let alone attempt to defend his pack. His being was at war, and neither side was better off in control, even if Moony and Holly preferred his wolf.
"In defense of your soul," Moony explained, trying to pull his attention from Holly's fear. His instincts were raging with him, the scent of fear in his nose, and the eye-contact… Holly was staring too much, challenging him without doing so… it made his hackles raise. He wanted to cuff her, to show her that he was alpha and her a pup… while a small pack of his brain resisted. Still, he couldn't help the thought. A pack-born kid would know better. "-and not, as many believe, in defense of yourself against me." She looked away, and he let himself breathe out.
Holly's brows pinched together: "why would I need to defend myself from you?" No wait, she could guess. It was because of what he was, Madam Pomfrey had likely taken one look at her in Moony's arms and had come to the incorrect conclusion. "Never mind, obviously it wasn't you, and I'll tell her that when I see her," Holly flapped a dismissive hand and refocused on his other statement, "but, why would I need to defend my soul?"
Moony scented the air, his gaze flicking to the corner of the room and then the door. Watching him do so made Holly think she was seriously missing something, but had no idea what. It didn't help that Padfoot had gone positively rigid on the end of the bed either, "Not yours, his."
His?
Oh…
Oh no.
Moony opened his mouth to say something, to explain, but the panic had already hit her. Holly instantly hummed a few frantic bars of her and his song, and she waited for a response. She didn't even notice that it was the first time she'd sung in front of an adult without fear, never realized how big a deal that truly was for her. All she could focus on was the silence in the back of her head; he hadn't responded. But that could be explained by a hundred things. He could be asleep, or busy, or… or using the bathroom. He was probably fine. He'd respond soon. He would.
Moony continued on, his voice rumbling soothingly despite her panic. "There is a phenomenon associated with soulmates, specifically with soulmates in which there is a wizard or witch in the pairing. It's rare admittedly, but not unheard of." Holly double-checked Moony's eyes as the 'teacher' tone escaped him. Still, his eyes remained golden, and she looked away again. "Simply put, I believe the attack was your magic lashing out instinctively in defense of your soulmate. Some theorize that had you been in close contact, your magic would have protected him from danger. But because he is not close to you-"
"my magic raced out and went too far, causing a backlash," Holly realized. It was still quiet, he was still quiet… he was never quiet. "But if he's in danger, then there's nothing I can do!"
A loud 'boom' echoed through the infirmary, and Holly cut herself off. She and Moony both snapped their heads to the infirmary door, and as Holly watched, dust flicked off the walls to rain down by the door. Padfoot, in the same moment, snapped up and launched right off the bed. A growl built in Padfoot's throat, and his fur stood on end as he snarled at the door and whoever was behind it. A noise that was swiftly matched by Moony, who rushed from his seat.
"Moony?" Holly asked, throwing her blanket off her legs so she could defend herself. She cast her eyes around the area and caught sight of her wand on the nearby side table. Holly grabbed for it, then palmed the wood and pointed it at the door defensively. She acted in defense of herself, reacted the same way as Moony and Padfoot, two canines, basically. "Where… is Madam Pomfrey?"
The growl tripled in volume, and Holly's wand shifting slightly so she could move it to stun him if he suddenly turned violent. She shot a paranoid look at Moony, and her wand lowered as she gaped at him. Holly watched as his body shifted. His teeth tripled in size, his nails turned into thick claws, and a full snout had started to form as he snarled. An instinctual fear born from never seeing this sort of thing grew within her. Holly had no idea that fear and the scent of it made everything just a little worse for the werewolf beside her. But she couldn't help it. Holly didn't know the situation, and Hermione had gone on and on about how dangerous werewolves were when they'd done the lesson with Snape, how they couldn't control themselves and… and it was night, and she didn't know when the full moon was. So he may be changing right there, and she was locked in and-
"Uhm…?!" she backed away from the bed, edging around it to distance herself from the werewolf and the door. Padfoot at the ground shifted as he placed himself between her and Padfoot while keeping the door in sight. Padfoot was focusing on the door as much as Moony was, but he seemed more aware of where Holly was. Seemingly, because Padfoot hadn't given Moony a second look, Padfoot was not finding the werewolf a danger as Holly was.
Another boom rattled the windows, and Holly snapped her attention from the werewolf to the door. Who was doing that? Who could be doing that? Why were the doors locked anyway?
"Moony?" she muttered, feeling vulnerable. What had happened while she was asleep? Was it Voldemort again- Moony's eyes snapped to her, golden and focused. He scented her fear and mistook the reason for it. It tripled his fury, and he dropped onto all fours; his claws rent into the ground of the infirmary, and Padfoot lost it. Her dog started to bark like mad.
"No!" Moony growled, a guttural, animalistic sound, "no, you cannot- she is MINE."
The doors slammed open, and Holly gazed at what was angering Moony so much, to deflate slightly in confusion.
It was Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey in the doorway. The medi-witch was half-hidden behind the doors to her infirmary, and Dumbledore looked fierce. Padfoot, still barking like crazy, barely caught any attention as Moony and the headmaster faced off, and Holly stood there feeling utterly, madly, confused. She glanced between them, between Moony and Dumbledore with her wand limp her in fingers, because where did she point it? This was the headmaster and the man that should have been a god-father to her. What did she do? What should she do?
"Lupin." Dumbledore sounded calm, gentle. His hands lifted placating while his attention focused on the 'threat' in the room. He didn't notice as Holly cringed back from that tone. There were two tones she couldn't stand, two tones that sent her mind into overdrive and pure instinct. The sound of barley surprised rage was the first. It was unlike pure anger like Snape and Voldemort had used; suppressed rage was the act of her Uncle holding back because they were in public, and she knew it wouldn't last behind closed doors. The second was that calm tone people used on kids when they just wanted the child to listen when they really didn't care as long as you obeyed. Petunia used that tone all the time in public, had used it to pretend she was a nice kind aunt. So many people had fallen for it even when presented the proof in the form of Holly's bruises.
Holly hadn't expected that tone from the headmaster, she hadn't because he was kind… he was supposed to be kind. But then- when she'd confessed to him at the end of her first year, told him about the abuse she'd suffered, he'd used that tone to encourage her to return to the Dursley's. He'd used it to get her to do what he wanted. Used it to make her think her aunt and Uncle weren't that bad and she'd spent the next month locked in her room, being given food through a cat-door- she'd-
"Calm yourself… you're putting Holly at risk." Dumbledore said as Holly's wand locked onto him.
'Was he though?' Holly glanced at Moony, at the back of his snarling furious form. She took in the back of his jacket, the back of his head, the back of Remus Lupin. Holly was behind a werewolf, Moony had placed himself between her and the danger he was perceiving. It… it reminded her of a video she'd seen on the telly while she'd been cleaning years ago of a panther defending her cubs against a hunter. Vernon had been thrilled to see the 'beast' shot down, but the announcer had spoken to its defense. The documentary explained how dangerous animals could be around their children, how protective they were when their pups were threatened. Moony, he'd called her cub, so… wasn't this the same? Wasn't Moony protecting her?
"You will not touch her!"
"Remus my boy," Dumbledore stepped forward. The man on the telly had said that was a bad idea, and Holly braced herself, "she safe, Holly's is safe… and you need to step away." Dumbledore's eyes flicked to Holly, and he said ignoring dismissing Moony as a threat to make her act. "Holly, move away, please."
Holly made a face; that, she decided, would be an equally bad idea. She didn't take a step, her feet were planted until this situation resolved itself. A vibrating noise escaped Moony as Holly straightened her spine, and he clawed at the ground creating large groves in the stone. He was a moment away from charging, one more little thing would set him off, and Holly refused to be the reason for that. She stayed still, and Dumbledore's lips pinched slightly in upset. The headmaster looked back at Moony. Away from her and Holly allowed herself to relax a bit unaware that Dumbledore was challenging Moony with the intense stare he was treating the man with.
"Remus, I cannot allow you to continue putting Holly and the school at risk-"
"I would never-"
There was a flash of red as Holly flinched back. Moony hadn't moved, hadn't even twitched, and then he was on the ground. All Dumbledore had done was given a negligible flick of his wand- and then Moony dropped. That alone served to show her exactly how powerful Dumbledore was, and yet even Dumbledore hadn't defeated Voldemort. It made her wonder how on earth she was supposed to do what Dumbledore couldn't.
Moony struck the ground hard and went still. It was almost anti-climatic, and Holly couldn't help but stare at him, at the fact that his eyes were still open. At the gold shade, she found so comforting- and then Dumbledore was levitating him off the ground. He seemed almost dismissive of Holly, and Holly knew if she tried to ask that she'd not be told a thing. Not unless it was Moony she asked.
"Poppy."
"Of course." Madam Pomfrey rushed forward, ushering Holly into her bed. But Holly's feet were still planted, and she couldn't wrench her eyes from Moony's form as he was levitated away from her and out of her sight. Dumbledore didn't stop to explain, he didn't give her a second look as he took Moony out of her life. Took her only tie to her parents, one of three adults that had ever cared about her, who had tried so hard to defend her from… from the very man that just took him.
"Wait-" Holly stepped forward, and Pomfrey placed herself between Holly and the door.
"Sit down miss Potter!" Holly flinched back from the aggressive tone, the warning in it. She knew the medi-witch would never actually hurt her, but the prior experience froze Holly's blood.
At her flinch, Pomfrey softened her tone and posture, but it was too late, Holly's trust was a fickle thing, and she no longer trusted the woman. Would no longer trust Pomfrey with information just as she no longer trusted McGonagall when she'd dismissed Holly's concerns about the stone first year.
"Where is the headmaster taking Mo- Professor Lupin?" Holly pressed as Pomfrey tucked her back into bed. Curiously, Padfoot seemed to have vanished- no, there he was. Holly could catch the end of his tail under a nearby bed. He was hiding the smart pup. Pomfrey didn't allow pets in the infirmary, and with the current mood, she'd definitely not have exceptions for Holly's mutt.
"That is not something you need to bother yourself with Miss Potter," Pomfrey tried to soothe.
"I'm involved!" she argued. Why did adults always say that sort of thing, she just wanted the truth! Why was that so hard for people?
"Lupin is a danger to the school Miss Potter," Pomfrey sighed, tucking Holly's legs in and taking Holly's wand. Lupin hadn't done that, he hadn't stolen her method of defending herself. Pomfrey did, and Holly hated her for it. Hated her and smothered it under the polite smile Holly had long ago copied from her aunt so she could get answers. "I'm afraid he has forgotten to take his potion and, as such, has made himself a danger to everyone in this school."
"Potion?" Holly pressed as the woman pushed potions toward her, potions that Holly really did not want to take.
Pomfrey froze as she put Holly's wand on the side-table, then she shook her head as if realizing she'd said something she shouldn't have. Very much like Hagrid did, in fact. "Never you mind that, you need your rest Miss Potter, and you need to take these," the woman scowled to herself, "you certainly don't need more stress, honestly!"
"Right…" Holly managed and accepted the potions she was given. "And… what are these?"
"A calming potion Miss Potter, goodness knows you need it."
"Thanks." She glanced around, wondering how she could avoid taking them when Padfoot suddenly shot out from under the bed to loudly bark. Holly gaped at her dog, at the smirk on his snout that was entirely too human, and then Pomfrey was screaming. Holly's dog had just given her a perfect chance to avoid drinking the potions. She grabbed the moment. As Pomfrey rushed to corral the beast out of her infirmary, Holly snatched hold of her wand and vanished the vial's insides. Then she quickly returned her wand to position and tipped the empty bottle to her lips just as Pomfrey slammed the doors closed on Padfoot's butt.
"Animals are not allowed in the infirmary, Miss Potter!" Pomfrey stated once as a scratching sounded from the Hospital wing doors. The woman made a face at the noise and accepted the vial approval in her eyes that Holly had taken it without much fuss.
"Sorry Ma'am." She offered utterly insincerely, and Pomfrey knew it.
"This," Pomfrey's finger leveled at Holly's head, "will not be happening again." Holly feigned innocence before Pomfrey left in a huff to return to her office. The woman tossed an order of 'sleep' to Holly as she left, and the door closed.
Holly, of course, did the exact opposite of that. Near instantly, she swung her legs off the bed, grabbed hold of her wand, and rushed for the door but- but Pomfrey would notice her leave. She'd be listening for it, watching for it. Holly knew there had to be wards on the doors to keep track of people coming and going, Hermione had said as much. But she had to leave! She had to find out what happened to Lupin and if he knew more about her soulmate because he-
He still hadn't sung anything to her. Holly had nearly forgotten, but her head was still silent, and it meant nothing good.
Holly needed to find Moony.
She reached up, hand hovering over the door handle. Holly would have to be quick, to rush through it and find Moony before Pomfrey could stop her. This wasn't a stealth mission, it was a damned bum-rush from hell- she could do it. She could-
"Holly!"
"Bugger!" Holly swung on the spot wand coming up as she turned to face the figure standing behind her, who'd appeared out of thin air to call out. "Hermione? How'd you get in here?" There was no way for it to have happened. The hospital had been empty except for Padfoot and herself after Dumbledore and Pomfrey left. Yet there her best friend stood, bushy hair and pinched expression in place. Hermione had appeared out of thin air. Thin… air? No- she'd- "you time traveled!"
"Here, quickly," Hermione urged voice quiet. Holly lowered her own voice to match remembering hopefully not too late that Pomfrey was in hearing distance. She shot a paranoid look at the door which remained closed, then turned back to Hermione, who was pulling open her shirt collar. There, hanging on her neck was a golden chain attached to a small circular device. Carefully Hermione un-looped the chain from her neck and tossed it over Holly's head. Then, Hermione grabbed the end of the time-turner and turned a small nob. The moment Hermione stopped the world twisted around her and-
Something wrenched at Holly's heart, and she staggered as if she'd been knocked from behind. Holly's hands grabbed her chest and dug in, she inhaled a sharp gasp as the sudden unexplainable feeling of loss shook her. Her nails clawed at her skin, and she wordlessly whined, it was wrong, wrong wrong and her head was achingly silent. This was beyond him not singing to her, this silence was echoing. It ripped away any comfort in silence that might exist between her and her soulmate and replaced it with- with- hands grasped at Holly's and pulled her nails from her chest.
Holly shot a look up at Hermione's face. The world had stopped turning, and the sun was filtering in from a nearby window. Hermione was speaking lowly to Holly, repeating the same sentence over and over to soothe her. "The feeling will pass, he's fine. I promise he's fine. It'll pass."
"What is this?" Holly asked because Hermione was right. It was passing, the feeling was fading, and the silence wasn't as bad as it first was. Something about the knowledge Hermione was giving her; that he was fine helped. It really helped.
"Terrible things happen to wizards who interfere with time," Hermione explained and fished a hand into her backpack. From it came Holly's clothing and a pair of trainers. These were thrust into Holly's arms. "Dress, quickly."
"Err… okay." Holly accepted the clothing and did precisely that, "What terrible things happen?"
Hermione was looking away from her, eyes on the infirmary wall as she slowly said: "did you know… that when you travel in time, your soulmates voice goes silent?"
Holly stopped hands on her shirt buttons and stared. She hadn't, Hermione had never mentioned it or the costs of her time-turner use. But if this was the cost, then Holly would have to take back everything she'd said about her friend keeping the damned thing.
"People theorize it's to protect the soul from the fall-back of traveling since you could send your soulmate into madness if there were suddenly two voices in your head." Hermione bit her lip as Holly put the clothing she had been wearing into the backpack Hermione was carrying. "I've spent this year without him in my head, and it's… I can see why no one does this. Why no one chooses to travel. I get why Professor McGonagall told me to just drop a class," Hermione hissed out a breathe voice shaky, "I thought I could use the turner instead to sleep, but… I can't. It's too quiet in my head. He always sings me to sleep, you know, and without him…"
"What?" Holly breathed out, shocked that she'd missed so much of Hermione's suffering.
"I only hear him now when I'm current with his time-line, where there is only one of me around… and that's not common. And when I am awake, he's singing questions to me. This is affecting him too… he's noticed but doesn't understand." Hermione continued before getting a bit analytical. She forced logic onto what happened before she snapped, "the pain you were feeling, it was your soul. I believe… I believe it's a muted feeling of the connection being forced closed. It's… it's an artificial way of feeling the loss of the connection. But documentaries said it's only a bare sliver of what will actually happen when that occurs." She fisted her hands, "He won't hear you here, not until we catch up." She shook her head, and her curls bounced around her head. "Now, tell me what this is all about."
Holly made a confused noise when Hermione turned around to face her, "I was going to ask you that."
"Hmm," Hermione took on her 'lecturing pose.' "You know very well that I cannot use this power for frivolous nonsense, Holly! And yet Ron still showed up and told me to trust him and that you needed me to travel to that exact moment and back," she flicked her hair, "so some answers would be proper."
"I can't answer that," Holly handed back the pajamas, and Hermione stashed the back in her backpack. "Ron isn't even involved, so if he's telling you I needed you… then that's because you and I told him, to tell you, that I needed you…" She trailed off, getting confused, "its time-travel! I don't know everything!"
"I suppose that makes sense," Hermione tapped her finger to her chin thoughtfully.
"What did he tell you exactly?"
"He handed me your clothing and told me to go back three hours, grab you, and then do one hour, which I haven't even done before yet! And when I pushed for answers, he asked me that if I trusted him, you, and myself, that I had to do it and I'd find out why soon. So… why did you need me? Can you think of anything?" she scrunched her brow, "and if you can't, what were you doing right now?"
Holly hummed, two hours in her own past. So, about when she was speaking to Moony the first time. Maybe she was supposed to find out what Dumbledore's deal with Moony was? "I have a theory, something… Something weird with Dumbledore and Mo- Professor Lupin, and about now, my magic was lashing out to defend my soulmate." Holly wanted to pace, she wanted to, but she narrowly avoided it, "and then… then Dumbledore was weird with Professor Lupin, really weird… and I think I need to know why."
"Your magic lashed out in defense of your soulmate? "Hermione leaned forward eyes alight with curiosity, "how do you know? What was it like?"
"Moony said my magic was trying to defend him, and it caused a backlash because it couldn't reach him… but I don't know why."
"Well, that makes sense. He's in another world, so of course your magic wouldn't reach but… still, I didn't know you could do that."
"Me either."
They fell silent, thinking of their soulmates. Holly's was in an unknown danger, and she couldn't even begin to reach him. Nor could she even sing to him now because her connection had been muted by the time-turner. And Holly hated that. Hated that all she could do was sing to him, sing and hope for the best… Merlin, that was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it made her guilty. Guilty to know that she'd kept silent for eleven years, he hadn't known she even existed for eleven years. How horrible he must have felt. It was no wonder he sang so energetically now that she responded.
Hermione, at the same time, thought of the deep voice in her head. Heavily accented and likely, as his hints suggested to her, a Durmstrang student. She'd only heard his voice sporadically during the current year because of her time-turner. Every time she had, he'd gotten tenser and tenser. She longed to meet him and to explain why she'd chosen to use the time-turner. She prayed to all the gods that he understood and wasn't like everyone else she'd ever met who'd judge her for it. Judged her for her desire to learn taking precedent before everything else.
Hermione refocused on the moment, pulled her thoughts from the pointless. She couldn't know how he'd react before she met him, and she had to have faith that his soulmate would understand purely because of who he was. "Alright, where are you, the you of the past, now?"
"Err, probably being carried to the… infirmary." They both at once glanced at the door in a panic. Moony would be arriving at any moment, and they needed to act now. Hermione fished her hand in her backpack again and withdrew the invisibility cloak, which Ron had thankfully thrust into her arms before she'd traveled. She tossed it to Holly, who pulled it over them both- just in time for the doors to go flying open with Moony rushing in. Holly and Hermione scrambled back, working together to creep behind a nearby bed set as Pomfrey appeared in a rush as her wards activated.
Holly then got to witness exactly what happened when she'd been unconscious.
"What happened?!" Pomfrey yelled for answers as she exited her office. Holly found herself pressing further into hiding with Hermione and noted that Pomfrey never sounded that panicked. Madam Pomfrey usually spoke in a firm but calm voice to get answers about her patients. The teachers or students that generally came to her were scared enough without the healer laying on more fear. This panicked woman… that was normal, and it took a moment to figure out why Pomfrey was so off. Then, she figured it out as she caught sight of Moony's golden eyes, brighter than she'd seen before.
Holly felt the exact moment Hermione noticed as well, as her best friend tenses like a frightened rabbit. But Holly is utterly calm. She'd already seen Moony in full rage, and he'd kept her at his back the entire time. Holly has nothing to fear. And, Holly suspects, she doesn't from his full werewolf form either.
"'Mione, when is the next full moon?" Holly glanced briefly to the side, curious but unconcerned.
"Tomorrow night," Hermione whispered back.
Pomfrey slowly attempted to speak to Lupin. "Put her on the bed, Lupin," her voice was measured, controlled. But it was apparent to the girls that she's trying to get Holly away from the potential threat.
"She forgot he can smell her," Holly whispered to Hermione who's hands flexed on Holly's arm. Hermione claimed a measured brief trying to control her own fear like she'd done with the Boggart; she knew werewolves thanks to Professor Snape. She knew that werewolves could smell emotions, especially this close to the full moon. Hermione had just forgotten. But, as she remembered, a fact did occur to Hermione. It was very likely that Professor Lupin can smell them already. It8 was likely the cloak was useless in hiding from a werewolf.
"You want to take her- like him."
'Him' again. Was he talking about Dumbledore? Holly leaned forward eyes narrowed.
"No! No. Remus." Pomfrey holds up her hands and ducks her head; submissive posture Hermione knows which is interesting to see. In another situation, Hemione would have pointed it out to Holly; that this is how they were supposed to act around an angry werewolf? "I only want to help, please, put her on the bed-"
"NO!" Moony threw out a hand, and his magic, wild and uncontrolled, reacted. Pomfrey was tossed across the room, sent right through the still open Hospital wing doors. A moment before the doors slammed closed after her, Holly spotted a tail slip through the door. The locking sound following that was audible and made Hermione jump with nervous energy. She couldn't help but think that they were locked in now, and Hermione didn't have the entire story, so she was afraid.
Holly didn't either, but she certainly had more than Hermione. She wasn't frightened of her past self, not as Moony turned toward the bed and lowered her past self gingerly into it. She wasn't afraid, not as he fretted silently over her unconscious form and wrapped several blankets around her. Not as he spells her into a pair of conjured pajama's and tucks her hair behind her ear like- like… her eyes feel hot as the thought threatens her. Because he's acting like a parent and she'd missed it. She'd had someone actually fretting over her bedside and could only watch it from the outside. The realization hurt.
"Pup," Moony spoke out, his hand hovering over Holly's forehead. But his head- his head was tilted toward them, toward Hermione and Holly hiding away. He glanced toward them and then staggered. Holly half rose, moving to go help him, and then her dog was changing.
"Moony!"
Holly and Hermione watched it happen, were sitting right there as her dog- as her dog.
"Oh my god." Hermione breathed as Holly sank back. Holly wasn't as surprised as she'd liked to have been. All the signs in the world had been there. She'd just chosen to ignore or dismiss them.
Her dog- her dog was- he was-
"Remus." Sirius Orion Black caught Remus before he fell, braced him to the best of his ability, which wasn't great due to the malnourished state of his body. Better, by far, then during the summer, but still malnourished. With Remus' added weight, he was forced to the ground, and the pair collapsed together.
Across the room, Hermione shot Holly a stunned look as the meaning of this sank in. Because Fred had been going on for nearly the entire year about Sirius Black, treating them to intense monologues about the man he suspected to be innocent of his crimes. Fred had gone on and on about how Pettigrew, the rat that had been hiding out with their family. He'd spoken at length that no innocent man lived their life as a rat, which obviously meant Black wasn't the one who betrayed Holly's parents. He'd gone off even more when no sighting of Black near Hogwarts occurred because, obviously, he wasn't hunting Holly.
And Holly couldn't help but think the theories Fred would pull out over this. Because Black had been her dog the entire year and hadn't done a thing to her, instead, he'd… he'd listened with a calm ear about her abuse. Who'd defended her like Moony from Dumbledore… who'd never revealed himself-
A rush of betrayal stung her heart because suspecting or not, she'd told him her every secret and… the idea of someone knowing all that was brutal. It was worse because this might have been the man who betrayed her parents. Because if Fred was wrong, then- Holly clenched her fists and bit her lip until it bled.
Moony slowly pulled from Sirius Black and exhaled. "Padfoot, you should not have revealed yourself." The meaning of that was two-fold because Holly knew that Moony was aware she was there with Hermione. He could probably hear her, smell her, and he was telling Sirius Black that he shouldn't have revealed himself to her. That feeling of betrayal stabbed firmly at her heart. She released a nearly inaudible whimper that caused Moony to flinch.
"You were going to get hurt," Sirius defended as he shoved to his feet, "Your… your magic is weak enough with that stunt, you shouldn't exert yourself so much."
"Now you sound like Lily." Hurt rushed across Sirius Black's face, and it mirrored Holly's. Moony seemed to sense it and pulled away from Black. He stood and sank gingerly into the nearby chair, the very same Holly had awakened to find him in. "and here I thought you were settled on staying a dog. What will you do if the cub catches you." Moony's eyes darted to Holly's hiding spot with an apology on his face. She looked away, unable to bear it.
"She won't," Sirius climbed to his feet, shaking on two legs. He wasn't used to them, not with how much time he was spending as a dog, not with how difficult it was becoming to shift the longer he spent as a canine, "she doesn't want to see… She wants a dog, so I'll stay one for her, to protect her as Padfoot… it's the least I could do after what I did."
Holly glanced back at them to see Moony's face twisted in amusement. Then Moony turned directly to her, looked at her passed where Sirius was standing. Then he said point-blank, "And yet you continue to let her believe Pettigrew is a hero and you the traitor." Holly's heart twisted up again, Fred was right… bugger he'd never let anyone live it down either. The traitor was bloody Pettigrew, who died that summer in Sirius Black's bloody mouth. Holly made a disgusted face at the thought.
"You figured it out… how'd you figure it out?" Sirius sagged on the spot, guilt becoming pronounced, and Holly took a far better look at him. Sirius fidgeted terribly and kept glancing at the sleeping Holly as he said: "When did you figure it out?"
"I scented you; you stood right at the pup's side and smelled only of love, guilt, and protection. You meant no danger to her." He spoke it as a fact, and Holly understood. Moony had smelled his intentions, but Lupin had ignored it. That was why he hadn't said anything. Because the two were not one and the same.
Still… "You should have told me." Holly bit out in a furious whisper that she knew Moony would catch. He didn't acknowledge it, not with Sirius so close.
"Then why didn't you say anything?" Sirius asked nearly at the same time as Holly's whisper, his expression almost as broken as Holly's was.
To this, Moony scowled and explained to them both: "Because I spent the year trapped within my own mind. Because Lupin ignores his own instincts and every one of my warnings because a single old dog told him to."
"Remus… you sound…" Sirius eyed the man with a pinch between his brows, "why are you talking like you and Remus aren't the same person?"
"Because I am not." Moony focused on Sirius calmly, "Remus Lupin is a coward that allowed Albus Dumbledore to convince him to stay away from pack. Remus Lupin," -he spat the name at Sirius- "was a fool who locked me up despite how many times I tried to claim our cub to take her from those that meant her harm. Who believed an entity that has no reason to be so involved in our or Holly's lives that I was dangerous. Believed I would actually harm our cub, believed me capable-" Moony cut off furiously with a snarl. He shot up from the chair and nearly knocked it over from the force. His eyes glittered as he did it, and Holly felt Hermione's hand tighten on her arm. "Remus Lupin was the man poisoning me all year, who was killing us both and still ignoring our cub within our reach who needed us."
He took a step into Sirius's space and stared at the man his own height down: "I am not Remus Lupin, I am Moony, and Holly is my pack. And so long as I breathe, I will never abandon her again, nor will Remus Lupin ever regain control of our body."
Holly sucked in a breath and pressed her fingers to her lips. She did so to stop herself from sobbing, even as warm tears slipped down her face. She wanted, he was family, and he wanted her. Hermione's hands squeezed her shoulders, relieved and overjoyed for her friend even if she was also concerned. Because Remus Lupin sounded like he might have something like a split personality, and it worried her.
"Moony…" Sirius stared up at him in shock, he had no words for this. No words, but it still strangely made sense. Padfoot had been a dog running across the forests with Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail. He'd watched Moony in play. Watched a lanky wolf grow into himself. Observed how utterly loyal Moony was to his pack, how confident he was as a wolf. How different he was to Remus Lupin, who was timid, quiet, and nervous as he walked around as a human body. As Remus hated himself every day of his life and Moony enjoyed everything life threw at him.
Sirius had seen both because he and Padfoot were one being long before the dementors tested the limits of his mind. But Moony, he'd never been one, and Sirius was only just realizing it. This was… Moony had a split-
"Moony," Sirius said firmly. This wasn't Remus, this was the wolf in human form, and Sirius had to act accordingly. Because he'd always believed Moony was more in control than anyone realized. There had been a reason he'd snuck Snape in to see Moony after all. People were so frightened of werewolves and Remus of his other half. But Sirius had been fully confident back then that he'd have been able to talk Moony down. Though admittedly, perhaps Sirius should have tested that before James got involved, and he nearly got expelled. "What do you mean, Remus was trying to poison you?"
"Yes, elaborate," Hermione muttered at Holly's side, the girls hanging off every word.
"Wolfsbane," Moony said simply, "the poison designed to destroy me, that gave him control when it was my time."
"He thought it would keep the children safe-"
"He believes I would harm pups!" Moony swiped at the nearby table and sent a vase flying over the edge to shatter. It caused everyone to flinch and for Sirius to shook a panicked look at Holly's sleeping form. "I am no human set to abuse and torture pups!" Moony spun on the spot fangs pronounced as more of the wolf showed itself, "that is what humans do, that is not what a wolf does!"
"I understand." Sirius soothed, trying to calm the wolf down, "I get it."
"Like a real wolf," Hermione whispered to Holly as he tried, "the books, they're wrong. Werewolves aren't mad beasts, he's intelligent. Like a wolf with a basic understanding of how humans work," And she sounded horrified about that.
"I don't understand," Holly admitted.
Hermione shifted toward her quietly, "the books claim werewolves are beasts, monsters that kill anything they see. All the books say they'll attack relentlessly and only stop when another werewolf calls them. But it's wrong. Werewolves are like wolves. They're pack animals, they have instinct and… and they can think for themselves… this is-" she cut off, "but is Professor Lupin still inside him? This seems like split-personality disorder, except… magical? I'll have to look into it, but it's possible that-"
"Moony," Sirius managed to get in close, just using his voice, and he cut Hermione off, "I get it, you'd never hurt Holly. I know that you don't need to convince me, alright?" he was focused on this moment, focused when nearly a year ago he couldn't even string two thoughts together. Now, with the peace of knowing Pettigrew was dead, separation from the dementors, consistent meals, and the sheer magic in the air around Hogwarts, Sirius was healing. He, at that moment, was the sanest he'd been since… since he'd first been taken into Azkaban. And Sirius' very presence as Moony's only pack slowly calmed Moony in return.
"They want to take her from me."
"I'm sure that's not the case," Sirius soothed even if he couldn't be sure he'd heard Holly's confessions through the year. Of the Dursley's abuse and how the Weasley's took her in. If Dumbledore ignored her words about abuse like she'd told him, then it was possible that he'd let Moony nowhere near her, especially if Dumbledore saw Moony's eyes. That golden shade was unmistakable, and no one would allow a werewolf that close to the surface anywhere near the girl-who-lived. But what was he supposed to say? Tell Moony 'he was right' when he was that close to snapping?
"That is the case."
Holly didn't know what caused her to do it, but she'd tossed the cloak off her head and stood before she could second guess. She'd hidden Hermione and had revealed herself to the men that should have raised her. That would have let her sing and would have told her all about her parents.
As expected, Moony was unsurprised; he gazed at her almost lazily. But Sirius, her dog turned man, jumped a foot in the air and yelped like a canine. He swung around utterly guilty and horrified to realize she'd heard every single word- and-
"I told you we can't be seen!" Hermione snapped, tossing the rest of the cloak away, "do you not understand a single thing about time-travel?"
"Sorry, but… I need to be involved here, 'Mione." Holly sheepishly ducked her head, embarrassed slightly at her choice. Sirius did look like he was a split second from entirely-
"Stupefy!" Moony suddenly cast, and Sirius dropped dead into his arms. The girls jerked in surprise as Moony hurriedly placed his wand to Sirius's head, his eyes surprisingly brown. "Obliviate!"
Their eyes went wide as Moony placed Sirius gently onto the chair and glanced their way with almost brown eyes. Then he spoke, tone off, as he did. "Sirius is straight out of Azkaban Holly-" he wasn't using pup, "-time-travel could shatter his mind." So he'd obliviated the instant from Sirius' mind, made him think it hadn't happened. Erased Holly appearing from his memories to protect Sirius' mind.
"Moony?" Holly shrank back wary in the change of color. Careful now when she'd been fully comfortable with the idea of him transformed into a full werewolf a mere moment before and- and something in his brown eyes shattered. He'd noticed. He'd saw her wariness, but she couldn't take it back. "I'm-" sorry? Was she? Holly didn't know and had no idea how she was going to finish that sentence before Moony, or whoever was in control interrupted her.
"-I'm sorry, Holly, for every foolish mistake I've made when it comes to you."
"You- you didn't-" she couldn't say it, couldn't absolve him of it when she was barely acknowledging it herself, and that moment of hesitation was all it took. The brown bled away, and she was left with bright golden eyes and a man entirely wolf.
"Pup," Moony spoke up focused once more. Hermione, a step behind, gave a sharp inhale of breath, theories raced through her head as Holly stepped forward mournful but unsure if she should be. He held his hands out slightly, as if he wanted to close the gap between them and offer Holly an embrace but was unsure if he could. Holly took the choice from him. She thought of Moony protecting her on all fours, and Moony being whisked away by Dumbledore, and she threw himself into his and gripped him tight.
Moony's arms wrapped around her and squeezed. His nose dropped into her hair, and he inhaled her scent, he also twisted his head just so and brushed the underside of his neck against her cheek. Holly assumed it was something to do with the wolf and didn't question it, not as she finally felt herself relax. She'd been tense the entire time, on edge without him in her head. Holly was reminded of one of the reasons she'd come to speak to Moony and rushed right into her first question.
She pulled back, still in his arms, but moving so she could look him straight into his eyes. "You told me my magic might defend my soulmate, how do I… if he's hurt, I want to help him! Tell me how."
"Oh pup." Moony sank to his knees so he could cup her face, "you can't, I'm not sure what I will tell you, but that magic is assumed impossible to control. It's only recorded having occurred when soulmates are close to each other."
"So I… can't help him, but what if he… if he dies-"
"He's not dead, not yet. Do not think your mate weak," Moony told her firmly, "your soul would know, you would know." He ran a finger against her cheek and brushed her again with his wrist. "Just be there for him, that's all you can do, Holly. Just be there…" he hesitated, and Holly eyed him, he was holding something back.
"What is it?" she pressed.
"There is… I'm not sure if anyone has told you this yet, but there is another possibility beyond just… singing songs, you know?"
"What?" Hermione gasped from a few steps back. She was echoed by Holly saying the exact same word in the exact same moment and tone.
Moony huffed a breath, "Despite how long-lived humanity is, next to nothing is known about soulmates." He shifted into lecture mode, like a professor, but his eyes remained gold, and his hands fell to her shoulders. "Muggles know that when we sing, our soulmates hear us. They know we only have one soulmate. They know that when you find your soulmate, you can confirm it by matching your head's voice to the one you see. But there is more… so much more that our people know, that wizards know." He pulled back slightly to face them both, to explain it to them both. "We have the ability to split our very soul, to actually see it in a dementors attack. We know its shape, and Lupin has observed… oddities in singing pairs."
Moony gestured to Sirius, "Padfoot told Lupin once that he only heard certain songs from his soulmate as if half the ones they sang didn't exist and it seemed to go both ways. An oddity because he was still singing. Remus didn't understand that, because if Sirius followed what was believed, then every song he sang would come across. This grew more interesting when your parents matched up. By their seventh year, James and Lily could hear each other through regular conversation as long as they sang the words. They didn't need lyrics, let alone a tune. As long as they sang, they could be heard."
"Oh..." Hermione breathed, "but that makes sense; after all, the songs we sing now are just a string of words sung out instead of spoken. I always wondered, what makes a written song so different to just… singing. It's basically the same thing."
Moony inclined his head to her in agreement, "Lupin put the theory forth, that all someone had to do was sing, and they'd be heard. Lily told her dear friend Alice of this, and she elected to sing direct hints to her other half… she found him that afternoon in the Gryffindor common room named Frank." He gestured with his hands, "soulmates and bonds, we have only scratched the surface of understanding how it works. And you prove that even now."
"Your soulmate lives in another world," Hermione added to that wide-eyed, "that shouldn't even be possible, and yet it's true and… and-"
Holly was nodding along, "And my magic tried to help him despite that… do you think I could do what my parents did? Just sing at him?"
"Only one way to test that," Moony told her gently. And there was, she just had to wait until time caught up to do so. To sing without a proper song and see how much her pirate could hear. Would he hear her? What would she do if he could, it would change everything. They spoke the same language now so she could tell him so much more about herself than she currently had. That she was a witch, that she was working on getting to him and he could tell her about him in return. Circe, Holly hoped it worked. That she was like her parents before her.
They fell silent, Moony patient, Hermione with a full mind and Holly with so much more to think about now. Her eyes caught Sirius stunned and obliviated in the nearby chair, and her next topic was selected.
"Tell me about Sirius and Pettigrew."
"It is perhaps best you ask him about that," Moony told her gently, "only he can speak of the truth of that night, and I have only theories. Instead, I have a question of my own. Why did you use the time-turner?"
"We-"
"Don't tell him the future." Hermione interrupted hurriedly, "it's taboo, you could damage the future and send us onto an alternate time-line. Sorry, sir." She added the latter as an after-thought.
"Hn," he answered but didn't press as Holly shot him an apologetic look. "And how long do you have before time catches up?"
To that, Hermione checked cast a Tempus revealing a floating clock over her wrist. They'd only just learned that charm in class, and Hermione already had it perfect, she was quietly jealous of that. "Not long, depending on how quickly Holly woke up," she looked to Holly for an answer to that.
"I think ten minutes left give or take." How fast time had moved, it was crazy. "Though I'm surprised Pomfrey hasn't-"
A soft boom sounded much quieter than Holly had heard initially, and they all shot a look at the doors to the infirmary. "-Tried to break in yet."
"I sealed the door with my magic… and it seems Hogwarts is assisting, for that is the headmasters magic." Moony could scent Dumbledore to the doors, he believed the man must have been trying to tap into the wards to get in, and when that failed, he'd moved to attempt to bust the door down completely. At the current rate, it wouldn't be long until he got in, not with the strength Dumbledore possessed.
"Fifteen minutes until he gets in," Moony corrected her guess. It seems Hogwarts truly was giving them time, the building siding with them against her headmaster, and it surprised Moony.
"Not long," not long until whatever sent her into the past occurred, potentially his mind cracking, possibly his own death or him being forcefully removed from Holly's side. Moony snarled silently at the thought. He'd allow the latter over his dead body, she was his pup. "You two must hide, the old man can see under the cloak. He caught Prongs often with that trick."
"Prongs?" Holly glanced at Moony in confusion; she'd never heard that term before.
Moony laughed, feeling light and yet heavy at her confusion, "question Padfoot on that… ask him for the map he possesses. It will assist you greatly." He said so wary that he'd not get the chance to explain later. "Now, hide, both of you." His words were emphasized by the Holly in the bed groaning, she would wake up soon. He also needed to deal with Sirius, to convince the man to remain at Holly's side and to return to a canine when he'd just been obliviated.
"Come on, Holly." Hermione reached for her.
"Right," and she threw herself at Moony. She claimed one last hug before he was forced out of her life. Before she was forced to watch him dragged away again. Before Dumbledore moved to control her life again. She held Moony tight, hugged him for all her worth. Then she mumbled into his chest, "don't let him convince you to leave me… alright?" she couldn't bear it. She just couldn't.
"Never," he swore, squeezing her for all she was worth. Holly then allowed herself to pull away, to hide behind some beds with the cloak over her and Hermione's head. She and Hermione hid, pressed closed together behind one of the beds, and watched Remus revive Sirius and advise him to stay with Holly. Watched Sirius grumble, grouch, but eventually agree and transform to curl up at the end of the unconscious Holly's bed. As the booms grew louder and Remus settled in his chair to wait for Holly to wake. As he pretended to read the book, she would notice upon waking was upside-down.
And then the other Holly finally woke, confused and clueless about what would happen.
And Dumbledore burst the door open.
And Holly forced herself to remain a spectator as Dumbledore levitated Moony away without giving her past self a look.
"Come on," Holly whispered tugging Hermione to her feet, she tucked the cloak tight around her and ensured it covered her and Hermione completely. "I need to know what happens next."
"To know?" Hermione whispered back as they followed Dumbledore and Moony out of the hospital wing before the doors were locked by Pomfrey.
Holly crept quietly forward, kept her distance from the man who could very likely see right through her cloak. She never even realized she was acting exactly how she did with the Dursley's, walking soundless, expecting a violent response just by being discovered. That would be something she'd click into much later. "I need to know what Dumbledore is going to do to Moony, what he's going to say…" She had to know if he'd brush Moony off like he'd brushed Holly off. If she could actually trust Dumbledore with her the truth, with her new home, with her life.
She had to know.
"Holly… I don't like this." Hermione gripped tight to Holly's arm, acting as if she were going to pull Holly back but narrowly resisting. It was only the respect of her friend that kept Hermione from stopping dead or giving them up. It was only the intense look in Holly's eyes that screamed retribution if Hermione interfered here. And- and Hermione couldn't help but think that was she was scared of that. That the intensity and the violent swirl to Holly's magic would actually turn against her. That and Hermione was just as curious. Because it was strange how Dumbledore treated Professor Lupin, stranger still how Professor Lupin reacted in turn to Dumbledore and even she could admit it.
Dumbledore led them to his office, Holly had been in it once before when she'd met Fawkes the Phoenix. He moved purposely up the stairs, and the girls followed at a distance. Followed far enough to catch the stairs without the password, but slow enough that Dumbledore was above them and unlikely to look back and down the steps. He didn't thankfully, he never looked back. Instead, Dumbledore entered his office floating Remus Lupin behind him and closed the door, sealing them outside.
Holly and Hermione stopped at the door, and Hermione instantly fell to her knees to pull the cloak off her shoulder. "Here," she offered, pointing her wand at her own head right at her ear, "listening spell, it doesn't work past wards but… hopefully, he didn't ward the door." She cast the spell, then did the same to Holly. To her, it felt like her ear needed to pop suddenly but couldn't even if she desperately wanted it. Holly narrowly resisted the urge to stretch out her jaw and do precisely that. Not as Hermione dropped onto her hands and needs and pressed her ear the door. Holly quickly followed suit, pushing back the desire to try.
"I warned you Lupin I warned you that there would be consequences for putting the children at risk-"
"I am the farthest thing from a risk-" Moony snarled, animalistic and unconvincing, "I will not harm a pup, and I assure you, Albus-"
Holly could just picture his sneer as he said the name, it was almost palpable.
"-that a werewolf who is pack is nothing on the very real and verbally abusive death eater you have teaching her!"
Hermione stifled a gasp while Holly swiftly sought her memory for the term, she knew it, Holly knew she did, but she couldn't recall it. But it sounded damning, and if Moony was worried about it, she probably should as well.
"A death eater is one of you-know-who's followers," Hermione explained in a ghost of a whisper.
"And yet you forgot your potion-"
"That poison! It does nothing but kill us both-"
"It gives you control of your wolf, my boy, it brings safety for the students and security to the parents should they ever find out what you are. Without if they will see you as nothing but a beast-"
"Their oversight-" Moony gave another sharp noise, almost a whine, but Holly thought there was something… painful in it. Her brows pinched, and she tried to see under the door, but the space was too small. "-sir, I only wanted to be there for Holly-" not cub he'd kept saying cub to her; a sick feeling sank into her chest at the change, "-she's my family, and if I die early I'd leave her without anyone again. I never meant to put the children at risk."
"See Holly?" Hermione tried to smile, "it's fine,"
"I understand that my boy." His voice was so even, like Petunia's when she was acting in front of the social worker just before the case was dropped. Like the rich man who'd paused when Petunia slapped Holly in public and had asked questions and had dismissed them after she'd used that voice. Like Vernon in front of his clients as Holly was dressed up and had been presented as the 'charity case' who needed a family and had been 'graciously' taken in. "I do understand, but don't you see? A night like tonight cannot happen again. If that had been tomorrow, it would have been a full moon, and you very well might have bitten Holly to doom her to your fate."
"I… I didn't mean for-"
Something was wrong.
"This is why you cannot have custody of Holly, it is the very same reason you couldn't when she was a child. She is safer with the Dursley's. Safer with Lily's sister. You know that a werewolf cannot have children-" Holly's face screwed up as the silence in her head grew thicker, "-the kindest thing you can do for Holly, is leave her be."
'A werewolf cannot have children?' Moony had proven to her that wasn't correct. He was in control, and he'd never once threatened her. He was good, and she was pack. Moony had told her several times that he'd not hurt humans. He had.
"Can I at least say goodbye?"
Holly's head started to ring, it felt empty, and the pressure in her ears was almost too much. But the thought, it was clear; this wasn't Moony. She knew without a single doubt in her mind that if she burst into Dumbledore's office that Moony would have chocolate brown eyes, and the gold would be nowhere to been seen. Just as she was sure that the reason for that was Dumbledore. The headmaster had somehow beat back Moony in Lupin's mind, just as he'd convinced Lupin years ago not to take her. Maybe because he really thought Moony was dangerous to her, maybe to protect his students from the 'werewolf' but to Holly, those reasons didn't matter. Holly just hated the headmaster for listening- adults- they never-
And suddenly, Holly was furious.
"No, my boy, no… leave her to rest and pack your things. "Leave before this gets out to the parents, and the Aurors come."
"Yes, sir."
Holly surged to her feet and bolted, she fled down the stairs six at a time. Moved so quickly that Hermione couldn't even react but to hiss Holly's name after her. But Holly was moving too fast to hear it. The ringing was burning at her mind, and the sensation in her ears was growing painful- everything was too quiet, unnaturally quiet. She was desperate to fill it. Holly sprinted into an empty hallway, stopped dead the moment she was alone, and screamed.
Her magic lashed out, cracked against the walls, and caused small fissures to form.
Holly had no proof but a suspicion in her chest. No evidence, but she was convinced that the reason she suffered all those years was wholly and exclusively to be dropped on Albus Dumbledore's shoulders. She was suddenly sure. Sure that if Dumbledore hadn't been prejudice, then Moony would have raised her. Convinced that if she dared tell the man the truth about the Weasleys, then she'd be immediately be sent back to the Dursley's for her' safety.' Sent there despite the abuse and the risks to her life and to her soul.
Any trust she had in the headmaster shattered, it cracked into pieces and drifted away in the wind. But Holly didn't feel better. She felt weak, felt like a little girl against the tides of adults whims.
And Hermione arrived at exactly the wrong time, with exactly the wrong words. "Oh, Holly, it'll be okay. Don't you see it? The headmaster is protecting you. It's for your safety that you live with the Durs-"
"HERMIONE!" Holly rounded on her friend as her anger surged. Like her mother before her, Holly was calm until she wasn't. And Holly could handle a lot, she had over her short life handled much of what most others hadn't. But now, she'd finally boiled over. There was no one in her head to calm her down anymore, nothing stopping her from just- exploding. Holly could hardly breathe anymore. She was cracking apart at the seams, and her friend was defending Albus bloody fucking Dumbledore. "SHUT UP!" Holly's magic lashed out violently. Hermione recoiled as thick magic lashed around them both. It was purely defensive and accidental, but Holly could no more control than her temper at that moment.
"You have no idea what they did to me!" Holly shrieked,
"Holly, you-" Hermione retreated a step in fear and guilt. She didn't understand, she couldn't. Hermione had no idea what sort of life Holly had lived. Hermione had no frame of reference for abuse, she hadn't even realized it was possible as Ron had. Partly because Holly hadn't spoken of it to her, and partly because she was just a kid… they were all only children.
Holly's hands shook as she felt a memory rush to the surface of her mind. The words, the description of it bled out of her mouth because she needed Hermione to understand, Holly needed it like she needed air to breathe. Like she needed her soulmate to be okay and with her, "Petunia used to stand over me with a hot poker from the fire. I remember it was red hot and I could feel it when she held it from my face." Holly gestured violently as the ground around them cracked, "she'd make me hold out my tongue, and then she'd hold it right there, and she'd say 'one word, you sing one little word, and you'll never sing again.'" Holly's whole body was shaking, she felt way too hot, but she couldn't stop. "I could even speak, couldn't tell her I wouldn't because that was a word. Then she'd laugh and say 'freaks don't deserve soulmates.' And I believed her!" she was- she couldn't breathe-
"Holly, you're panicking, you need to take a breath-" Hermione stepped forward then, suddenly fearless. Suddenly not worried at all that Holly would hurt her, Holly would never of that Hermione was sure.
"I was five… the first time she did it, I was five, and my elementary teacher wanted me in the choir. They taught us a song, but I only sang it once." A rock dropped beside her, the roof was breaking because of her magic, but she couldn't calm down.
Salty tears fell down Hermione's face, but they were tame compared to Holly's crying.
Where was he? Her soulmate. She needed him, but he was probably- he couldn't help her- because he was in danger right then and there was nothing she could do about it.
"Holly…"
"Dumbledore wants me with them, he wants me to go back. Hermione, I can't go back- please don't make me-" her knees cracked against the floor, and then Hermione was holding her. Everything was moving too fast and yet slow at the same time. "She'd do it this time, she'd do it because I ran. If I go back, she'll take my singing, and I'm not sure… I'm not sure I'd be able to stop her." She grabbed her head, "I can't go back." She'd sooner face Voldemort, at least he'd just kill her.
Holly's body shook with wracking anguished sobs as she completely broke down. As she spoke about what she'd suffered for the first time since Sirius while aware Hermione heard, listened, and understood. As although she didn't know it yet, she started to heal.
