The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum
SUNDAY
Sarah Connor isn't impressed by our findings in Pasadena and wastes no time in telling us so.
"A thousand dollars for a partial girl's name and a crackpot theory about a crashed spaceship on the moon. You might as well have thrown the money in the trash."
"Mom, he had photos of Cromartie and Uncle Bob. He'd even heard rumours about Cameron. Sure the backstory was crazy but let's face it - time travelling cyborgs from the future sounds every bit as nuts as a spaceship on the moon."
"Plus we got to meet royalty," I add.
"A teenager living in his mom's basement is royalty?"
"Royals are often eccentric. King George III of England believed he was a teapot."
Mia enters the room. "Cool, you're back! Did you bring me a present?"
"Let's see..." John examines the contents of his pocket. "Cherry Lifesaver. A nickel. An old rubber band. Take your pick."
"Those aren't proper presents!"
"Best I can do."
"You can't expect a gift every time someone leaves the house," Sarah Connor tells her. "Besides you bought enough toys to last a lifetime when you visited the Mall."
"Yeah, that was awesome! Cameron let me buy anything I wanted. It was the haul of the century!"
"Which is why you two aren't ever going shopping together again."
"That's not fair!"
"Neither of you understands the value of money."
"Cameron does! She's really smart. You're just a mean old troll."
"Bed. Now."
"What? It's only seven o'clock!"
"You should have thought of that before you called me a troll."
"A mean old troll," I add helpfully. This earns me a scowl.
Snowy enters the room, sniffing around for possible food.
"Don't bother, Snowy. They didn't bring us back anything."
"That's not true. Here, boy. Catch."
John throws the cherry lifesaver which Snowy catches in his jaws and chomps down. His tail wags happily. He is easily pleased where his stomach is concerned.
"There." John grins. "At least someone appreciates us."
-0-
John loses no time in trying to trace Creed's daughter. He includes all pre-teen girl's names starting with an I currently enrolled in the LA education system.
"I'm excluding any black, asian or hispanic girls since we know Creed is white," he explains while hunched over the screen.
"Suppose the mother is black, asian or hispanic? Or the daughter is adopted?"
"Cam, don't make this harder than it already is. Even this way I'm gonna have like a thousand names to sift through."
-0-
MONDAY
Today is the first day of the new school year and Mia is extremely nervous. Not about school itself but the state of her friendship.
"Suppose Megan doesn't want to be my friend anymore? Suppose she blanks me! I bet Emma Van Buren's been telling a whole bunch of lies about me in Cape Cod."
"You'll be fine," John assures her. "Didn't you speak to her on the phone two days ago? She was still your friend then."
"That was two whole days ago!"
"I'm sure you'll be fine. Look, there she is."
Megan stands by the school gate, a vision of blondeness in a new school uniform. Mia hops from the Suburban and rushes over. The two friends hug and start chatting as if all the anxiety and doubts of the intervening weeks never happened.
"Big fuss over nothing," John grins. "Pity I didn't bring a camera. That was definitely a kodak moment."
"I could run a print off my memory cell if you wish."
"Right. I forget you record stuff. Uh -you don't record everything, do you?"
"Yes."
"Even our - uh - intimate moments?"
"Of course."
"Oh man, eat your heart out Paris Hilton!"
"Why would Paris Hilton eat her own heart?"
"She's an heiress. Crazier than bedbugs."
I decide not to pursue a followup query regarding the sanity of insects.
We head home. Or rather we don't.
"This isn't our normal route."
"Little detour."
"Where to?"
"Surprise."
The surprise is a secluded lane near the canyons where we can't be easily overseen. Here we have energetic sex in the backseat of the Suburban. This doesn't go entirely to plan since during our gyrations I manage to stick my foot through one of the side windows.
"Don't worry. We'll tell mom it's loose chippings damage."
"And she'll believe that?"
"Why wouldn't she?"
This becomes apparent when we arrive home.
"A loose chipping caused this?" Sarah Connor asks inspecting the damage.
"Yeah. They were resurfacing the highway. Must've been thrown up by another vehicle."
"Oh really? Then why is there no glass on the inside?"
"Er..."
"Rookie mistake. Get it fixed. And next time open the windows first."
"What did she mean - rookie mistake?" I ask once we are alone.
"I think it's mom's way of saying there's nothing we can do that she hasn't done before. She was a pretty wild teenager."
"Maybe we should ask if she knows any sex moves we haven't tried yet?"
John stares at me as if I have just suggested something utterly ludricrous - like flapping our arms to fly to the moon.
"Cam, that is one conversation that's never gonna happen. Not in a million years."
"A million years is a long time."
"For sex advice from your mom? Not nearly long enough."
-0-
WEDNESDAY
With Mia back at school, Snowy is at a loose end once more. He mopes around the garden in a listless manner. A diet constantly supplemented by Ben & Jerry ice cream and tidbits from the dinner table has transformed his formerly slim body into something resembling a white furry barrel. He is hopelessly out of shape. Not on my watch. I resolve to do something about it and this means resuming our daily walks.
Snowy is keen at first and even promises not to stop every few yards to sniff a tree trunk or telegraph pole. We'll see how long this dedication lasts.
"Cameron? Hey, Cameron!"
I don't need to turn around to see who is calling my name. My vocal recognition software flashes the name on my HUD.
Daniel.
The boy who hit on me and made John jealous.
"Hello, Daniel. Hello, Lulu."
Daniel's dog Lulu and Snowy get reaquainted. This invovles much sniffing of butts. It's a dog thing.
"Man, I haven't seen you in months. I was hoping I'd run into you again."
"You were?"
"Absolutely. Hey - why don't we go the park? It's right nearby. I'll buy ice creams. For the dogs" he adds hastily, "I remember you don't care for the stuff."
"I have a boyfriend," I announce recalling Sarah Connor's advice to be upfront about this. "He fulfils all my sexual requirements."
"Oh. Uh...that's great. It's just the park though. It's not a date or anything."
I confirm it's not a date or anything and with Snowy tugging insistently on his leash elect to accompany Daniel to the park. And the wide open spaces will enable Snowy to run off some excess calories.
"Sure you won't have a lick?"
"Quite sure."
Daniel places two ice cream cones on the ground where Snowy and Lulu avidly consume them. They both have terrible table manners.
"This is nice," Daniel grins, sitting next to me on a bench.
"Really? They eat like pigs."
"What? No, I meant this. The park. The sunshine. The company..." His grin widens. "How've you been?"
"Five by five. You?"
"Can't complain."
Snowy and Lulu finish their ice creams and then begin barking, bringing each other up to speed with recent events.
"Hark at those two yapping. It's almost like they're talking to each other."
"They are. Snowy is telling Lulu about his recent brush with death. He is exaggerating slightly but he was very ill."
"How come?"
I explain about the chlorine in the pool and the near fatal effect it had on Snowy's kidneys.
"Yeah, I read somewhere chlorine's bad for animals. Course, you gotta have a pool first."
"You don't have a pool?"
"I live in a one bedroom walkup. The closest I get to pool living is when the water tank overflows."
I slowly scan the park, automatically checking for danger even though John isn't here to come to any harm. It's a terminator thing. Daniel notices my attention lapsing and asks, "Looking for someone?"
"No."
"Because it kinda seems like you are. Don't let me keep you if-"
"I am wary of undesirables." This seems as much as I can safely divulge.
"Oh. Gotcha. Yeah, you can never be too careful. This park's usually pretty good though. Only averages two murders a day."
"That's good?"
He grins. "Kidding."
"I see. Humor."
"So, see any...undesirables?"
"The man in the blue windcheater has a concealed weapon. Right shoulder holster. A pistol. Make unknown. Judging from his relaxed posture and his evident disinterest with the other people in the park he is most likely an off-duty policeman."
Daniel squints in the direction I am looking. "Man, how can you tell all that at this distance? I can barely see his jacket's blue."
"Practice." I am always forgetting humans lack my optical zoom facility.
"Practice, she says! I'd forgotten how quirky you are."
"Quirky?"
"It's a compliment, believe me."
Snowy notices a trace of ice cream left and makes a further pig of himself by licking the tarmac where some of it melted and ran. Honestly, I can't take him anywhere.
"I work nightshift at a video store on Madison. Did I tell you that before?"
I access the appropriate memory file. "Yes, you mentioned it."
"Listen, anytime you feel like some entertainment drop by. You can use my employee discount. And I'll throw in a free carton of popcorn."
"Netflix and Hulu fulfil our entertainment requirements."
"Netflix is gonna put people like me out of a job."
"Progress is inevitable."
"Progress won't pay the bills."
"No. Cash or credit is normally required."
Daniel laughs. It seems odd he should find the prospect of destitution amusing.
I continue to scan the park. Daniel says, "I think that off-duty cop's gone. Anyone else you don't like the look of?"
"The biker in the black leather jacket. He has abrasions to his face and the knuckles of both hands suggesting he has recently participated in a fight. He's six feet six tall, two hundred and fifty pounds and knows how to handle himself."
"Yeah, I see him. He's a big 't want to meet him on a dark night."
"Or on a bright day. The odds of you besting him in a physical confrontation are less than two percent."
"Meaning he'd beat the shit out of me."
I confirm the likelihood of effluent spillage.
"Bet I could outrun him though. Doesn't seem to me he's the type built for speed."
"Sometimes the best tactic is a speedy retreat."
Daniel nods. "So.. you have a boyfriend, huh?"
"Yes."
"What's his name?"
"John."
"He's one lucky dude, that's for sure."
"He doesn't consider himself lucky. Often he feels fate has been particularly cruel."
"He gets to wake up next to you in the morning. That's makes him pretty damn lucky in my book."
I make no reply. What does this boy know of John's destiny or the fact that he has been targeted for termination since before he was born. And then there is the small matter of being mankind's last and only hope for salvation.
The LED clock in my HUD begins to flash. I make a pretence of checking the time on my wristwatch. I have learnt the hard way that appearances matter. "Time to go."
"Picking your sister up from school again?"
"Correct."
"Well, don't forget my offer. Video store on Madison. Discount and free popcorn."
-0-
On the walk home Snowy enthuses about meeting Lulu.
snowy like lulu! lulu like snowy!
"I saw you sucking your gut in."
snowy bigboned not fat!
"Please. You're practically spherical."
snowy exercise. like sarah!
That'll be the day.
-0-
That evening John overhears Snowy telling Mia about meeting Lulu. He soon realises that where Lulu goes so does Daniel. I am compelled to tell him about the trip to the park.
"That SOB! He hit on you again."
"He did?"
"Come on, all that employee discount and free popcorn stuff. He might as well have waved his wang in your face."
"I saw no wang. What is a wang?"
John is somber for the rest of the evening and turns in early for bed. Few people seem to disturb him as much as Daniel, which is strange since they have never met.
And I still don't know what a wang is.
THURSDAY
Snowy's new fitness regime lasts precisely one day. The time it takes for him to follow Sarah Connor on her daily run and trail back exhausted after four blocks, his four stubby legs no match for her cybernetically enhanced limbs. To cheer himself up Snowy eats an entire bowl of his favourite dog food. This is how he got so round in the first place. The dog has no concept of cause and effect.
That evening, while Mia and Snowy watch cartoons on the TV in the basement and Sarah Connors reads the latest edition of the LA Times, John declares, "Cameron and I are gonna go get some groceries. Shouldn't be long."
Sarah Connor regards him over the top of her newspaper. "A supermarket run this late? I thought we agreed it was wise to avoid the busy times of day."
"We won't be long. It's no big deal."
His mother's eyes narrow suspiciously. "Make sure you open the windows," she answers enigmatically. John's face reddens but he doesn't reply.
-0-
"Do you have a grocery list?" I enquire as we head towards the city in the Suburban.
"Not going to the supermarket. That was just a ruse."
"Where, then?"
"Little detour."
"Oh. I understand." I open the side window and begin to unbutton my jeans.
"Not that kind of detour! Jeez, first mom and now you. Does everyone think I'm a sex maniac?"
The Suburban slows and turns onto Madison. We stop outside a video store.
The video store where Daniel works.
"Is that him?" John asks nodding towards the familiar figure working behind the counter.
"Yes."
"Stay here. I'll be back."
"Will you require assistance disposing of the body?"
A thin smile. "It won't come to that. Probably."
-0-
From this remove, separated from the interior of the video store by a plate glass window and several yards of sidewalk, I will be unable to listen to the conversation via my audio receptors. My hearing is good but not that good. Fortunately there is a solution.
I can read lips.
Inside, John makes a pretence of being interested in the titles on display, biding time until Daniel is finished with a young couple renting a movie. They leave and the two are alone in the store. John approaches the desk. Daniel looks up from the computer console and smiles a greeting.
"Hi, can I help?"
"Maybe. I'm looking for a specific title. Can't see it on the racks."
"Well, Empire Video stocks over ten thousand video titles. Chances are it's here somewhere. What's it called?"
"Battleship Potemkin."
"Ah. Right."
"Directed by a guy named Sergei Eisenstein."
"Yeah, I know who it's directed by."
"So, you have it or not?"
"I'm pretty sure not. Silent Russian movies from ninety years ago aren't what you'd call a popular rental."
"That's too bad. I hear it's pretty good."
"Are you majoring in film and need it for study?"
"No. Just looking for an evening's entertainment."
"Well, how about Captain America on Blu-Ray? Ordinary joe becomes the saviour of mankind and defeats the bad guys trying to overthrow the planet."
"Ye-ah, that's kinda not as cool as it sounds."
"Okay, like I said we stock over ten thousand titles so take your pick."
"Where's Lulu? You bring her to work or what?"
"Uh - she's at my apartment. Do I know you? Have we met?"
"Snowy stays home alone only if we leave the TV on. And the light if there's a chance it'll get dark. He's a strange little critter."
"Snowy... So that must make you John, Cameron's boyfriend."
"And that makes you Daniel, the guy who keeps hitting on her."
"In my defence, the first time I didn't know she was involved with anyone."
"And the second time?"
"Hey, I've done nothing wrong. We talked is all. I'm not looking for trouble."
"That never stops trouble looking for you, in my experience. This the free popcorn you told her about? Cool. I'll take two."
"Uh - popcorn's five bucks. Ten for the supersize."
"Guess it's only free in certain circumstances. Right, Daniel?"
"There's a button under this counter. I press it the cops'll be here in five minutes."
"Stay away from Cameron. That's all I came here to say."
"Does she know you're here?"
"This is between you and me. Nothing to do with her."
"Oh I think it has at least something to do with her."
"Cameron is...special. She didn't realize what you were trying to pull. I do. Stay away. None of it's what you think and you'll wind up getting hurt."
"That a threat?"
"Let's call it a friendly headsup."
"Seems to me if you came all this way to confront me for just chatting to your girlfriend maybe your relationship isn't as solid as you think it is."
"Oh it's plenty solid. Believe me. You know, you really should stock Battleship Potemkin. I hear it's a classic."
John exits the the store and rejoins me in the Suburban. We drive away.
"No body to dispose of?"
Another thin smile. "Another time."
-0-
Not the last we've seen of Daniel. Turns out he's important - much to John's chagrin.
Tardy with updates. Not hearing Cameron's voice in my head quite as frequently. Did I just admit that? Nurse, I'll take my meds now!