Chapter 10. When the Bullet hits the bone.

Disclaimer: I shall win the rights to RWBY in a game of Mortal Kombat!
*1 Hour Later* Anyone know how to stitch a heart back the chest cavity? Because I still don't own RWBY.

AN: Man, I can say with a happy heart this is my most successful fic, both fulfilling it's purpose by making the fandom laugh their asses off after the end of volume 3, and being the most popular and well received piece I wrote. From the day I write this, 9 Months to Live stands at a solid 350 favs, making it be ranked number 5 in the Lancaster fics, and I thank each and every one of you. Every like, every review, every follow, means the world to me. I hope I can give you the best story I can.
Also, can you tell I just saw Batman V Superman? You will see more of Nutcracker and Catwoman in the omakes, fighting their villain, the ARChenemy (name courtesy of pokewarrior. How did I miss that pun? And I call myself the Pun King, not to be confused with the Mad or Podcast Kings...)
Also bonus points to those who figured out that most of the chapter names are classic rock names and lyrics

Now onto questions.
"Does Yang have a robot arm in this AU?" No. All shit that went down in volume 3 basically never happened. Qrow was sent in like Seal Team 6 and took Cinder out before she could unleash hell, so no. Sorry if I've been making it seem like that.

One Child: 8
Twins (making a comeback): 31
Triplets (Once again, you guys got me kinda rooting for this one.): 36 (error, sorry)

Welp, You peeps definitely want more than one. Poor Jaune and Ruby. But seriously, some cover art would be amazing!

Shopping. If there was anything Ruby had a love hate relationship with, it was that. For years, she had been dragged by Yang from store to store, and having to wait while she tried clothes after clothes, item after item. The only reason she ever went was because Yang promised to take her to the weapon store afterwards, and more times than not that visits lasted less than Yang's stores. But dress shopping was a completely new concept to the huntress. Ruby usually depended on her trusty combat skirt and corset combo, and maybe the change with her street clothes, but otherwise she had not changed her style once since entering Beacon. She could only hope the presence of Weiss and Pyrrha made this better.

Speaking of the two, they had somehow managed to get one of Vale's most well known fashion designers, a student at Beacon called Donut, who was known for his rather...interesting "lightish red" choice of clothing and countless double entendres, which he seemed to be oblivious towards. Despite being just a mere freshman at Beacon, the young man had already made himself quite famous in the world of fashion, leading most to believe that there was something was something other than clothes in his closet. He normally refused any student requests for fashion, but even he could not refuse the requests of a world renown fighter and the heiress to the biggest company in the world.

So here she was, being poked around with a needle, while Donut took her measurements, and Ruby was really beginning to regret letting Weiss convince her to leave behind Crescent Rose. He was really starting to get on her nerves with all his comments.

"Combat skirts were soooo last year"
"Black with red frills, that's so garish!"
"Capes are completely out of style"
"Needs more color! A nice lightish red!"

One quick slice to the neck artery from her baby and she would be done. Maybe a couple dust rounds for good measure. But nooooo, she had to leave the giant collapsible bolt action sniper rifle scythe at school, and go to the mall like a normal person. Screw normal knees, she wanted her baby! Well not her actually baby, the giant scythe...oh boy this was going to be a long day

Finally getting her dress on, Ruby was shocked by her reflection in the mirror. Ruby for a second saw her mother, in all her beauty, standing in a dark red dress with black lace trimming off of it, followed by Ruby's familiar red cloak, adding to wonder of it. Ruby began to tear up.

"It's...perfect..." She muttered out

"Well of course it is! My name is Franklin Delanor Donut!" chirped the designer as he went towards Weiss and Pyrrha. The two had been very happy with the outcome of Ruby's dress, and selected a red and black mask for her to wear to the dance. Now if only the dunce would get his part right and show up not in a dress.

Again

for the 4th year in a row.

Jaune really needed to stop making the same bet every year with Yang

Jaune was having a hard time trying to keep his cool. Yeah, having his semblance was. pretty cool, and now he had an edge against Yang (heh, Yang wasn't trying to kill him she would say Jaune was on fire instead of wanting to set him on fire). The information dump Sun laid on him had him stressed as all hell, and with finals testing going, to say the Arc was under pressure was the understatement of the year. He was still worried to death about the combat segment of the Beacon final exam. He was utterly screw, and his fights with Sun had proven that Jaune needed a firearm. Desperately.

Jaune knew his best option would be to craft such weapon. Croceas Mor was to precious to be altered by the bumbling knight. Knowing his luck, Jaune would end up running the blade forever rather than upgrading it. At this point, the old sword was an extension of Jaune, one he wouldn't change for anything. As Ruby said all those years ago, It's nice to have someone appreciate the classics. So Jaune began to look into gun designs and models from the Haven Library, and pulled up the necessary supplies and costs for said weapon.

After hours of research, Jaune did have a basic concept of what he had in mind. He knew it would be best for him if he had a small gun, something to big would weigh him down, so he went for his own design made from various other blueprints for a powerful double barrel revolver. He made it in hopes of it being able to fire a multiple dust rounds at once for different effects. The chamber was designed so that it could handle both, while the gun itself had two triggers, one for each barrel. He got the idea for a special dust chamber from Weiss. As much as the Ice Queen was cold to the Arc, Jaune could not help but feel that at times they shared the same role for their teams. Nora and Yang being the heavy hitters, Blake and Ren being the tactical fighter, Ruby and Pyrrha being the special finisher, and him and Weiss as support. He hoped this weapon combined with his new semblance would be enough. His only regret was that he didn't do this with Ruby. She was always a bit of a gun nut, and would probably have laid out the makings of a laser cannon that also functioned as a cookie dispenser if given the chance. But Jaune did not have the opportunity, and this was something he had to figure out on his own. As she said, students had to make their own weapons. Getting Ruby to help would be cheating in his eyes.

Picking up his designs, Jaune made his way down to the Haven forge. He honestly didn't know what to expect of the forge, having only been to the one at Beacon vary few times. Great thing about a regular sword is that you never really have to worry about the barrels clogging or the hammer being delayed, and the few times he did go it was with his teammates to help them get their weapons repaired. The Beacon forge was a small facility, that students could use on their own, but had to bring their own materials and run it by the forge master, a rather young man named Washington, who was hired just recently into Beacon after leaving his old job on a bad note. Washington always made sure that each student cared for their weapons, and did not hesitate to punish those who didn't. Jaune never had to deal with Washington's fury, but hoped maybe the Haven forge master was more...helpful than Washington.

Jaune entered the forge, and barely had time to react as a sharp blade of metal went flying with deadly velocity just over his head, trimming a few hairs off. The startled knight looked towards the direction of the projectile to see a purple haired woman holding the making of some sort of firearm that was smoking from use.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU SHOOT AT ME!?" Jaune yelled at the purple haired woman

"Why the hell did you just barge in here!?" The woman retorted with annoyance clear.

Jaune gritted his teeth. This woman looked the same age as him, maybe younger, and was already bossing him around as if he was nobody. "I came here to see the Smith about helping me work on making a weapon! Where can I find him?"

"She is right in front of you. Blacksmith Hilda Indigo at your service." Hilda said as Jaune visibly cringed "Oh don't sweat it. You aren't the first, nor will you be the last to make that mistake.

"Oh thank god. I am so sorry. I was just expecting someone more...blacksmithy"

"Let me guess, you where expecting a big man with arms the size of steel girders and a beard that seemed to be covered in singed hairs?"

"Pretty much."

"Welp, you want a weapon do you? Show me the designs."

Jaune quickly pulled out the blueprints, fumbling through his bag and showing her the crumbled paper. "Here you go Ms Hilda"

The Forgemaster looked over the designs, a mild look of interest crossing her face. "Hmmmm...A double barrel.." She muttered, thinking the idea through and continued to think over it. "The main design is pretty solid, but still needs some revisions. But might I ask, why the choice in a double barreled revolver? A revolver is a weapon that is infamous for it's reload time, and making it double barreled just makes it even more tedious."

"Well, I have a friend of mine who's kind of a dust pro. She uses a wide variety of dust fir different effects, and her weapon uses dust in a revolver like chamber, so I thought that allowing a second barrel to the gun would allow for more dust combinations, and by doing so give me a whole new range of effect in a battle." Jaune explained.

"I give you props, the concept is interesting and would definitely help you in a fight, and would already be more useful than that old artifact"

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with my sword! It's been serving my family for generations!"

"I can tell." Hilda retorted. "Anyway, pick up that hammer and put on that apron hanging on the wall, boy."

"What? Why?" Jaune questioned her.

"You think I'M going to build YOUR weapon?" Hilda scoffed "No. All students build their weapons. Not design and give them to the smith and expect them to magically conjure it out of thin air. My Job is to assist you in building it, not do the entire thing. So start the fire Blondie"

Jaune groaned. Oh well, at least it wasn't that bad. Jaune looked towards the furnace, and saw the dial. It was on a low temperature. Jaune thought that it must be similar to cooking, and there was no way a temperature that took 10 minutes to boil water would make due for melting dust enforced steel. Turning the dial to it's max, Jaune was shot back as a column of fire shot from the furnace.

"YOU IDIOT IT'S MADE FOR FORGING! YOU HAVE IT TOO HOT!" Hilda screamed over the flames as Jaune quickly turned it down.

"Sorry Ms Hilda" Jaune said, facing the ground, his body covered in ashes.

"This...is going to be a long day..."

Jaune wiped the sweat from his brow. Forging was a lot more work than he thought. The process was tedious to say the least. Several times he had slammed the hammer onto his fingers, singed himself, and cut himself on the metal. Hilda would always make sure he was doing the right thing and chew him out if she saw him lazing around. But now he finally got to rest, as the metal was in the last stage of being prepared to be shaped into the components needed for his gun.

Taking a seat next to Hilda, Jaune began to wait in awkward silence. After several minutes Jaune finally broke it. "So..." He began "What made you choose to be a smith for a combat school? Not really something I would have saw myself going for as a kid."

"Well truth be told, I never really thought I would be a blacksmith. Personally, I wanted to be an inventor, but the Schnee Dust Co. just seemed to not care for the things I made or wanted to abuse them for things other than their original purpose. So I quite and took a job as the Forgemaster at Haven. Might as well see it that the hunters of tomorrow have the tech to save the day" Hilda said, taking a sip from her bottle of water she pulled out from her fridge. "What about you Blondie? What brings you to Haven? Last time I checked, only student named Jaune Arc went to Beacon, not Haven."

Jaune scratched his head. Oh boy "Long story...a long, long, long, LONG story"

"We got time. I told my life story and helping you build a weapon to save your ass. The least you can do is tell me yours"

Jaune sighed with defeat "Alright, but I warned you. You see, about 2 and a half months ago..."

Jaune had left the forge covered in burns, bruises, and cuts. Turns out forging was a lot more difficult than he thought. He had been hit by the flames, hit himself with the hammer, and cut himself with the metal more time than he thought. His new weapon would be completed in the morning, as all the parts where made, just needed to be put together overnight. For now, Jaune would get some sleep. Tomorrow's problem.

However, Jaune's thoughts seemed to be more on Ms Hilda's words towards Jaune after he finished his story. The purple haired woman had completely stayed calm the whole time he told his tale, keeping a poker face the entire time. However, Jaune was shocked at what she said to him when he finished.

"-and that's why I'm here in Haven" Jaune explained. He looked at Hilda to see her deep in thought. "Hilda?"

"Well," Hilda finally said. "That's quite the tale you got. My honestly, it's not your fault. If anything, it's the sister."

"What? How is it Yang's fault?"

"Did she ever stop to consider that the whole reason you didn't want to go to that party was because of situations like the one you're in now? And instead of helping her sister through the pregnancy, she goes on a death hunt for the child's father, rather than hearing him out first. I personal would have probably slugged you, but not to go as far as manslaughter. You need to talk some sense into her the moment you meet her. A person like that is stubborn to the end, so expect a fight."

Jaune stood at shock. Every point Hilda made was true. Yang's rage got the best of her. Did Jaune deserve a punch to the face for the whole thing with Ruby? Probably. But Yang had taken it to a whole new level. Jaune needed to get Yang to reason...but how?

Jaune began to plan things through, jotting down ideas in his binder, till Sun came in and grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up from his desk.

"What gives Sun? I'm busy!"

The monkey faunus gave a grin "We're going tux shopping Jauney Boy! Ozpin's orders! Quote on quote, "I wish Mr Arc to come to this dance in something more formal and masculine than a dress"".

"OH COME ON! Even I have the common sense to show up to this in a tux!"

"I recall you saying that last year, and the year before."

"That was because I lost a bet!"

"Dude, remind me to never to you to Las Valegas. You are horrible at gambling"

Jaune facepalmed. "Alright you win! Let's just go already!"

Several hours later and much browsing and little shopping, the Arc came out with a black tux with red trims, and a dark red tie to match, with gold cuff links. Sun made sure that Jaune had everything ready, and double checked him to make sure had everything ready for the dance in two days. Getting Jaune a white mask with blue and gold markings, Sun finally had faith that his friend won't mess this up. Point for the Monkey Wingman!

Omake: Fabric of Reality got spilled on by Caboose

Church was done. He had left Caboose alone in order to get some private time, and was now in the middle of the forest, pissed beyond belief. He was not lost! He just...wanted to view that tree he'd passed four times now some more. He was just so ticked about Caboose being on his team. He enjoyed the years of peace he had gotten away from the dumb ass, and now he was forced to live with the idiot! WHO IS RUNNING THIS SCHOOL!?

Church however found himself stuck in a clearing. He looked around to see a tall blonde man, with a solid tan and scruff around his face. The man also seemed to be as lost as he was...I mean as he seems lost Church mentally corrected himself. Church walked up to the stranger, hoping he could get some directions out of him.

"Hey! You! Do you know how to get to Beacon?" The colbalt teen asked.

"No, I'm standing in the middle of the forest because I soooo know the directions!" The man snarked an a voice that sounded freakishly like Church's.

"Hey, quite impersonating me!" Church said with conviction. The last thing he needed was some jackass talking like him.

"No, you are clearly mistaken, I'm not impersonating you, you're impersonating me!" The man countered, visibly annoyed

"There can only be one Leonard Church, and he's right here!"

The man stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes growing in shock "Did you just say...your name was Church?" He said with a stressed tone

"Yeah, and don't forget it asshole"

"You wouldn't happen to know someone named Caboose by any chance?"

Church's face visibly darkened "The dumbass has been following me for years! I had some alone time away from him, because he got held back, but now he's in my team, and it's hell! How the hell do you know him!"

"I'm the teacher that's been stuck with him for all those years! Do you know what it's like to have someone call you Church and claim your his best friend! And the countless amount of injuries and destruction of property he caused by accident!" Tai ranted.

However, both where cut off mid rant by a sudden burst of electricity appeared in the middle of the clearing. The energy began to form into some portal, and out of it emerged a large man, covered in head to toe in some high tech cobalt blue armor. The man got up, cursing a lot about some damn future cubes, and noticed the two standing in front of him,

"The fuck are you looking at?" The armored man snarked, his voice nearly identical to Tai's and Church's.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Church asked

The man stood up straight, pulling out a long sniper rifle, but the weapon itself was weird, it seemed to have no blade on it. "Who the fuck am I, I'm Leonard Church, that's who! Who the fuck are you!?

"I'm Leonard Church, you fucking fake!" The hunter in training shouted, pulling out his sniper rifle.

"Look guys, lets calm down. Let's just sort this all out..." Tai said, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Hey, quite impersonating me! It's already bad enough this asshat claims to be me, now you got to sound like me!?" The Armored Church growled, poking Tai in the chest.

"Now look here, I'm impersonating no one, you dumbass" Tai said, getting his gauntlets ready

However, the fight brewing was cut off by the portal, which spat out several other cobalt armored soldiers, one yellow armored one, a glowing mini version of them, a weird orb thing, and a man in a weird looking jumpsuit with glasses.

Church, Church, and Tai all looked at the dog pile of cobalt "Who the fuck are you guys!?"

"WE'RE LEONARD CHURCH DICKWAD" shouted almost all the pile, with the exception of the man with the glasses, who stood up and look straight at them

"I'm Director Leonard Church of Project Freelancer."

"OH MY GOD WHO CARES" shouted every Church and Tai.

Tai groaned. This was one massive headache he didn't need. But at least it wasn't going to get any worse.

Burnie Burns was having an okay day at the office. He still had to remember to kill Gus and Gavin, get Geoff to get his ass moving on achievement hunter, and to get Brain to quite running around laughing manically about the Mad king, test some new Immersion ideas on his lab rats, and he still needed to get Barb to quite making so many god damn puns! Every pun felt like an assault on his soul, and he could only take so much bullshit.

Moving on with his schedule, Burnie went to check on the the RWBY production. He hoped the fans would like the Chibee plan. But hey, if not, Aprils fools fuckers! Laughing to himself, Burnie walked around the studio, but nearly tripped over a cord.

"Fucking Miles. I have to clean up everything around here" The Texas man mumbled under his breath as he picked up the cord for the camera, failing to see the label Dimensional Immersion Camera by Microsoft on the camera. Burnie plugged it in, and was immediately covered in a strange light by the camera. The next thing Burnie knew, he was in the middle of a forest, surrounded by cobalt Spartans,the Director, Ruby's dad, and some hunter with a sniper rifle.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU" The hoard asked the man, all in his voice.

"I'm Burnie Burns! What the fuck is this shit all about?"

But the man never got his answer, as a loud CHURCH rang over the clearing, and everyone visibly cringed. A blue hunter with a happy expression entered the clearing, and his eyes lit up like a child on Christmas.

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER CHURCHES! WE WILL ALL BE BEST FRIENDS"

"NO GOD PLEASE NO! ANYTHING BUT THIS!"

"This is it. I've gone to hell and this is my eternal punishment" Burnie said as chaos broke loose