9 Months to Live Christmas Special!
Disclaimer: So the Wanderer thought. And he thought. Till he came up with an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful idea. An awful, wonderful, idea!
"I'll take the rights to RWBY as my-" Lone fell to the ground with a thud, his idea already a dud. Don't own the rights to RWBY, belongs to Rooster Teeth.
AN: Merry Christmas and Happy Hol- DUES VULT! Also *blows on one of those cheesy party things that name escapes me* WOO HOO! 9 Months to Live, as of the time I write this, has surpassed 1000 followers! We currently stand at about 795 favs, +1000 follows, and around 540 reviews. Thank you all, so, so very much. I know you heard me say this before, but thank you all so much. Since I started this, you all got to know me, and I got to know some of you. I always tried to be open with communication and try to answer questions, and by doing this, my writing has improved by a long way. So thank you all, and have a safe holiday with your friends and family.
*insert cliche christmas music*
The 12 Omakes of Christmas
A Jaune Arc landing on a shitty tree
Twas the holiday season at Beacon academy, and everything was in full swing. A great big tree was brought in from the Emerald Forest and was decorated by Glynda, Oobleck now drank hot chocolate with just a shit ton of caffeine shots put into it, team CFVY was making a small fortune selling peppermint mochas and cocoa (the drink, not their leader) and everyone seemed to be hyped for the holidays.
Everyone, but a certain blonde knight.
"Ya know Ren, I can't help, but just feel not that into Christmas this year" Jaune said in the JNPR dorm "I mean, I want to feel the in the holidays, but it's just hard this year. I mean, I normally spend it with my family and I can now get away with the lame presents for my sisters without worrying of revenge, but still. I just...kinda feel sick of all the commercialism. Y'know?"
Ren sat on the bed, covered in a lightish red bath robe, his hair still somewhat wet from the shower. "How about you try doing something for the group? Maybe that will help getting you out of your funk. Christmas is a time to be with family and friends, a time of good will." he then looked to Nora, who was drawing Ren while sipping from a mug of what they prayed was hot coco. Nora broke several of the 4th walls last time she drank coffee, and since then was not allowed to make/drink/look at the caffeinated drink.
"You're right Ren, I'll get a Christmas tree that will impress the whole gang! Just let me grab Ruby. I think it would be fair if she helped me get the tree as she is the leader of team RWBY Thanks Ren" And with that, Jaune grabbed his coat,threw on his red scarf and left the dorm
"Can I get dressed now?" Ren asked
"Robe. Off. Now" Nora grinned, giving the Ren a large grin
Jaune knocked on the team RWBY door. However, no one came to answer. So he knocked again.
"Door's open! Be careful!"
Jaune opened the door and walked into the room only to slip and fall on ice?
Ruby skated over and looked at the fallen Arc "We had Weiss freeze the floor so we could try indoor ice skating." She explained as she helped him up
Jaune looked as said person rolled her eyes and snorted at the him "She did warn you, so your fault."
"Do I even want to know what gave you the idea?" Jaune asked
"No you do not" Blake commented, not even looking up from her book as she was simply sitting on her bed reading in a winter coat.
"Well, before I slipped and fell on my ass by your… unusual decorations, I wanted to see if you gals wanted to get a christmas tree to share with team JNPR?"
Ruby's eyes sparkled with childlike glee "YES!" She said, tackling Jaune with a hug, but the ice sending them flying into a wall
"Dolts" Weiss muttered under her breath as she saw the two socially impaired leaders crash into the wall.
"WHAT IS UP MY FESTIVE PEEPS! I got the bomb ready for Xtreme Ice Hockey Griffball- Oh, hey Vomit Boy" Yang bursted into the room carrying a softball sized sphere with a blinking red light the made everyone but her uneasy, and noticed the 2 person dogpile of the leaders. "Wow, I thought you needed mistletoe for that" She smirked as both blushed as red as Ruby's cloak, and bolted up from the pile
Yang snickered at the two's reaction. "So, what are brings you to our Weissy home, Lady Killer?" She asked.
Jaune rolled his eyes "I was wanting to see if you guys wanted to share a tree with JNPR. Ren thought maybe getting a tree would help me get more in the spirit. So me and Ruby are gonna go out.." he explained, then eyed the sphere Yang was holding "And that's not actually a bomb, is it?"
"Oh live a little, Jauney boy, It's Christmas!"
Bark!
Team RWBY and J of JNPR looked to see Zwie pop out of the covers of Ruby's kinda bunk bed and was dressed in what looked like a classic aviator outfit, right down to the scarf to the the little tiny corgi sized goggles. All the girls awed but Jaune just looked in confusion as the tiny dog got up and begin to march out of the room.
"Why is your dog dressed as a pilot?" He asked cautiously
"Zwie's going to fight his foe, the Atlas Baron. He's a Remnant War Flying ace, best of the colored forces!" Ruby explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"That still doesn't explain why your corgi is wearing an aviator cap."
"Just deal with it Jauney boy. He does this every year" Yang piped up "Now quite Krampus my style" She looked at her scroll that buzzed 'how does he do that' she thought to herself as she read the words God damn it Yang sent from her father.
"Look, we ready, cause at this right all the good trees are gonna be gone." Jaune said, hoping to get Ruby moving.
"Alright, Ready!" She chirped, buttoning up a black coat with red trim then putting up her hood. "Any preferences?"
"Make sure it's not some scrawny tree. I will only accept the grandest of Christmas Trees!" Weiss beamed
"Yeah, Nora wanted something of that too" Jaune said.
"Alrighty, come on Vomit Boy!" Ruby said, rocketing out the door
"THAT WAS NEARLY 2 YEARS AGO, CAN I PLEASE HAVE A NEW NICKNAME!" Jaune yelled out to her as he ran out the door in hopes to catch her.
One motion sickness plagued flight later, the two found themselves wandering the streets of Vale for the perfect tree.
"Maybe in hindsight it was not the best idea for to go christmas tree shopping less than a week before December 25." Jaune said as they walked out of another store that was sold out of trees
"Come on Jaune, look at the bright side! At least we aren't dealing with the Black Friday craze!" Ruby said with her usual optimism
Jaune shuddered "Yeah, I have nightmares from the years I went with my mother and some of my sisters. First rule about Black Friday with the Arcs is, Whatever the cops don't see is perfectly fine!" He said
"What?"
"Sorry...just...memories…" Jaune said, lost in his own thoughts as he began to take a brisk pace through repressed memory lane, then shook himself out of it "So, any idea of a store we haven't tried yet?"
"Ooh, what about that one right there?" Ruby said pointing to a rather desolate garden center near the corner of the street
Jaune was feeling a bit skeptic though "I don't know Ruby, it seems a bit… empty"
"That must mean that have to have a tree!"
"Ruby, I highly doubt it...Ruby" He looked to where she was to see her gone.
"Come on slowpoke!" Ruby cried out from the entrance to the store. Jaune merely rolled his eyes and reluctantly went to into the store, it was better than freezing in the cold. Jaune entered the store to see it nearly empty.
"Ruby, I think this is-"
"Why hello there you loveable, foolable people, and welcome to Roman Candlestick's Christmas Tree emporium! How may I help-" The man, a ginger haired fellow with a white santa beard on and a christmas themed bowler hat greeted them but stopped when he noticed them, then immediately bolted to the back room.
Roman burst the door open to the back, and looked to see Emerald and Mercury lounging around, Emerald filing her nails, and Mercury flipping through
"We got a problem" He said
"Someone finally saw through your cheap scam?" Emerald said, not really caring for Roman's antics
"One, its not a scam, greenie, and two, Little Red and some scraggly looking idiot in a box top bunnie hoodie are here!"
"Oh god, not her. I literally came here to escape Ms. Optimism." Emerald groaned.
Mercury sat up and clicked some rounds into his legs "Well, guess we gotta kill them."
Roman looked in horror "WHAT? GOD NO! What the hell made you think murdering them was gonna solve anything!"
To this, Neo, who had been silently munching away at a pint of peppermint ice cream looked down with a frown.
"The fact that it does" Mercury stated as Neo nodded with agreement.
"With a motto like that it's a wonder who your friends are." Roman snarked "No, we need to play it cool. Both of you, get your disguises on. I, the cunning Roman Torchwick, have a brilliant plan."
Neo pressed a button on her scroll as her usual outfit changed to an elf costume. Emerald and Mercury quickly saw where this was going. "NO" Both said.
Jaune and Ruby stood in the lobby of the rather empty and cheap looking store. The manager ran off and the couldn't find any other staff.
"So… That happened" Jaune said trying to break the ice as the two stood alone.
"That just happened" Ruby stated.
"Yeah, I mean, what kind of guy leaves in the middle of speaking to some customers?" Jaune rolled his eyes "Oh well. I guess we try the next-"
Suddenly, the red headed man appeared, tacky santa beard included "Sorry about that my friends! Just had to get some of the employees going for customers as important as you. So what can I, Rowan Candlestick, Do for you lovely people today?"
"Actually we were just about to lea-" Jaune started but was cut off by Ruby
"We're looking for a tree for Christmas!" She smiled
The man, Roman, looked down at Ruby "Well, Red, with my HELPERS I'm sure I could help you… I SAID MY HELPERS! JUST GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE"
With that late que, 2 very grumpy, kinda familiar looking elves went out, both looking like someone spat in their eggnog.
"Hell, we're here to take you on a magical trip to find the perfect tree for th-jesus christ, who wrote this-holidays" The green haired female said in a dull tone, then looked to her partner "Next time, you do it."
"If we did it my way, we wouldn't be doing this" The ashen haired boy muttered under his breath as they lead the two oblivious leaders to the nearly empty and poorly stocked garden center. In fact, it looked more like an empty warehouse with the few trees that were too sad to be put out with the rest.
"Well, none of these trees seem to catch my eye" Jaune said. If there was one thing his mother taught him, it was how to get quality in a shop. Nothing here seemed right, and he had a feeling people were gonna try to swindle him here. Well, he'd show them! No one trick's Jaune Arc!
Unless count his sisters.
And that whole Cardin fiasco
And his shitty luck at bets for the dance…
On 2nd thought-
"OOOH, What about this one" Ruby called out, breaking Jaune's thoughts
Jaune turned around to see Ruby holding up what Jaune could best describe as the saddest little branch of a christmas tree. The poor thing didn't even look like it could fully support one ordamment, let alone a whole tree's worth "Ruby, I don't think that's the righ-"
Ruby hit Jaune with big silver puppy eyes.
Be strong Arc. You dealt with 7 sisters worth of puppy eyes, you can deal with-
"I still think this is gonna end horribly." Jaune deadpanned
"Nonsense" Ruby beamed "All it needs is a little love, that's all" She said, and several pine needles fell from the already almost bare tree. Ruby looked to the blonde and sheepishly shrugged as Jaune just shook his head
The leaders opened the door to team RWBY dorm and placed the "tree" in the middle of the ice floored room. Both teams NPR and WBY looked at the two leaders in silence, till finally, Weiss opened her mouth.
"This is a joke, right?" She said slowly "The real tree is outside, right?"
"Nope!" Ruby chirped
Weiss's eye display twitched "What did I tell you two?" She said slowly.
"To get a tree?" Jaune hesitantly said, backing away.
"Not just that…to get...a big tree." Weiss said, grinning coldly at the awkward leaders "And is tree big?"
Ruby looked at the tree "It's big in our hearts?" She said sheepishly.
"I GAVE YOU DOLTS ONE ORDER" Weiss yelled, finally snapping at the two, Ruby visibly cringing back.
Jaune decided to step in "Hey, we got this tree for free. Besides isn't it the thought that counts?"
Weiss turned towards Jaune and he swore he saw the devil in all his icy fury. And with that, Weiss gave Jaune a shove, sending him slipping on the ice and sliding onto Ruby.
"Oww.." Jaune moaned as he begin to pick himself up, bet his hands felt two small, soft, squishy...oh crapbaskets.
Jaune looked up to see Ruby blushing as red as her cloak "Ruby, I'msososososososo-"
"NoIt'sOkay,JustPleaseGetOffNowPlease" She squeaked out
Yang caught sight and her eyes ignited faster than the heat meister's fondle of the state of Texas. The next thing thing Jaune knew, he was breaking through the roof of Beacon. As Jaune once again begin to make his trip through the atmosphere (thank god for aura) he actually felt...happiness. Maybe, maybe this was what the holidays was about. Not the gifts, not the commercialism, but being with his friends, and dealing with their antics, and for them dealing with him. Afterall, send a man flying sky high, shame on you, send him twice, shame on him. But maybe that was just the oxygen deficiency speaking. Either way, he was gonna have this embedded into his head...or was that a fist mark from Yang?
As the Arc begin to renter Remnant's atmosphere, Ruby managed to explain to Yang that she overreacted and she needed to put another dime in the anger jar, and Weiss finally began to warm up over the tree and use her semblance to create snowflake themed ornaments, Ren begin to explain to Nora that mistletoe was not explosive attachments to the foot, Pyrrha was beginning to help Weiss decorate the tree with tinsel, and Blake just sat near the fireplace, reading her book with her new earbuds in, oblivious to everything that went on in the past 10 minutes.
Suddenly, Jaune crashed through the roof, landing on the tree. "Merry Christmas" He said weakly then fainted
2 Words From Dove
"What the-" The member of team CRDL looked confused
3 Drunken men
Twas the night before Christmas and a Witch was sound asleep, with her coworkers three, till they received a very special visit night
BANG
Glynda woke to the start of gunfire ringing through the halls of Beacon. Quickly throwing a robe over her white nightgown, she grabbed her riding crop and bolted down the steps, to be greeted with a gruesome sight
"Oh my-"
Qrow groaned, sitting in one of the teacher's lounge comfy chairs near the fireplace, his weapon lying next to him, the barrels smoking "Before you start" He said calmly
"JESUS CHRIST" Glynda yelled, eyeing the dead body of a round man in a red suit
"BEFORE. YOU. START." Qrow stressed
"HOLY SHIT!"
Qrow rolled his eyes "Okay, would you care for me to explain?"
"YES QROW, I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU SHOT AND MURDERED ST NICK!"
"He startled me."
"He….startled you?"
"He. Startled. Me!"
"Oh, well I guess he should apologize!" She ranted at the drunkard
"Well, it's gonna be hard for a dead man to say sorry, considering I shot him"
"Well, Now what are we supposed to do!"Glynda rubbed her temples. God, out of all the irresponsible, reckless, stupid-
"Well, guess I gotta save Christmas" Qrow stated, getting up out of the chair.
Glynda's eyes widened in horror. "How about, ANY other option" Before her eyes flashed images of children opening up christmas presents to find bottles of rum and scotch.
"No use trying to put the brakes on this, it's going down" He grinned while taking the coat off the corpse and trying it on, satisfied with the fitting. Then, it clicked to Glynda. Everything.
"You planned this" she accused
"What?" Qrow said with obviously faked surprise "Your lack of trust in me saddens me"
Suddenly, Professor Port and Doctor Oobleck burst into the room, oblivious to Glynda, both wearing elf costumes, though Peter's was more… mature than the Oobleck's, the costume obviously meant for a female whom Qrow would flirt with.
"Qrow, we have secured the sleigh!" Port said in his usual boisterous tone.
"Yes!" Oobleck followed up "Unfortunately, Vixen is no longer with us. A tragic loss that will be forgotten"
Glynda looked at the two than glared at Qrow
"You have no idea how cheap I got those elf costumes" He said sheepishly
"Qrow…."
"I Stole it" He said, smirking
"QROW!"
"LET ME HAVE MY NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOMENT!"
And so, Santa Qrow and his two helpers went around the world, delivering presents to all the good little hunters and huntresses, till he got hammered and kinda wandered off before finishing the job.
4 Stalling birds
"...Yes...Brother" Raven, the mother of the year said slowly.
"So, about that bet…."
Raven sighed "Please don't do this."
"Come on, DO IT!"
"When you tell them about your fling with Schnee"
"What do you think my christmas card is this year?"
Raven visibly gagged "Oh god, not that picture of you doing-"
"Yup!" Qrow grinned. "NOW DO IT!"
Raven started doing a sad little dance as Qrow whipped out her scroll "I'm Raven and I was wrong...:and I'm singing the Raven wrong song" She growled
"Dance harder!"
"Um… Mr. Branwen, what am I doing here, who is that, and why is she dancing in a giant black chicken suit?" Dove asked "I mean I just wanted to get out of finals"
"Can it, kid. Yang's so gonna love this" Qrow said as he brought out his flask and took a sip
Raven glared at her brother "I hate you. So, so very much. In fact, this might as well be all the reason I needed for why I left. Screw the bandits, I just hate you and Tai's shitty puns. Please tell me that you make sure Yang didn't take that from her father, right…"
Qrow's eyes widened "Um...about that…"
Meanwhile at Beacon
"Hey Yang, you ever wonder why you hardly see any birds around Beacon?" Ruby asked her sister
"I guess you could say they left due to the bad feather"
Suddenly Yang's scroll buzzed.
"Oh hey, a message from dad!" She said, looking at it.
"What does it say!?" Ruby asked, rocketing over to her in a blast of rose petals
"It says "GOD DAMNIT YANG!" Huh. How does he do that?"
Birdie Jr. sat in the shadows of the tree, watching the murderer of his father, Birdie. He would get his revenge...one day...from the scary...scythe wielding...sniper shooting...reaper... Just not today
5 God damn it Yangs!
"Oh No…" Ruby said as the regular crew was eating lunch, with the exception of Yang.
"What is it?" Jaune asked
"It's that time of the year. It's the holiday season" Ruby said with a dark tone.
"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?" Blake said, peeking up from her book
"Yeah Silly, Christmas is super fun!" Nora happily chirped, a santa hat already on her head.
"You don't understand…" Ruby stressed "Yang makes it her duty to make the most awful, cringeworthy Christmas puns."
"They can't be that bad. I mean we deal with her puns all the time, that can be any worse than the usual" Weiss shrugged, then got back to studying for the semester exams
Suddenly, the door to the cafeteria slammed open, with Yang wearing her aviators she had on the freshmen year in the Emerald forest, with a yellow santa hat propped on top of her golden locks with the tackiest christmas sweater anyone had ever seen
"Let's kick this holiday season off with a Yang!"
"GOD DAMN IT YANG!"
6 Mugs of Coffee
"Ozpin, you can't drink all of these at once"
"That's where you're wrong, Glynda"
And with that, the headmaster whipped out a funnel, and Oobleck begin to pour, all the teachers but Glynda chanting chug
"Is Mistral still hiring?" She wondered to herself as she began to rethink her life choices.
7 Arcs a braiding
"Jaune...Why are your sisters giving me that look" Ren said slowly. Team JNPR decided to spend some time of the holidays with the Arcs, but judging by the scheming expressions of all 7 of Jaune's sisters were giving Ren's long dark hair, the poor quiet man was going to be met with a very grim fate.
"Oh god. Ren you need to run. Trust me, with your hair, you're their prime target. Now RUN! GET NORA! I'll HOLD THEM OFF FOR AS LONG AS I CAN!"
8 Ships a sailing
Ozpin looked over the cafeteria, to see many students acting against the usual PDA rules. However, he really didn't feel like breaking any of them up. Call it the holiday spirit. Well, that, and he really wanted to win the student shipping pool that the teachers had set up amongst themselves. The Arkos still hadn't made it to port, but he was so close with Renora . However, some of the betting had begun to get intense, with The Bumblebee's crew members at the throats of the crew The Black Sun. But honestly, Ozpin could care less about that as he had bet on-
"Ozpin, why is there mistletoe hanging in every hall" Glynda asked the headmaster, interrupting his thoughts
The emerald garbed man merely gave a small smile "Tis the holiday season Glynda. Let them be with their loved ones."
"You planned this to win some of the money"
"You know about that?!" Ozpin looked at her with shock, then it hit him "It was Port, wasn't it"
"He Sung like a partridge in a pear tree"
9 Months to Live
The Wanderer looked towards the readers. "What? You think I wouldn't reference my own work at least once? Happy holidays, ya filthy animals!"
Blake, Sun, and Velvet all glared at him.
"Sorry. He didn't mean it. He just forgot to take his meds" Meep apologized to the 3.
Wanderer looked to Meep "Hey since when did you get here?"
"I'VE ALWAYS BEEN HERE!"
"Well, then get back to work!"
Meep began to head back to the office till he realized something "Wait...I'm the Editor, right?" He said slowly
Lone rolled his eyes "Yes. Go on?"
"And you're the writer, correct"
"Yes, now get to the point, this gag is beginning to get old"
Meep grinned "So doesn't that mean I should telling you to get to work?"
The Wanderer gave a look of horror "Um...is it too late to say sorry?"
"No, it's never too late to apologize, but that won't stop me from criticizing you and yelling at you; NOW GET BACK TO WORK ON THE NEXT CHAPTER! DO NOT make me take your pun privileges away!"
"NOT THE PUNS! ANYTHING BUT THE PUNS!"
10 Reds and Blues
"It's Christmas, Church! Let's go see what Santa got us!" Caboose yelled with joy, jumping into Church's bed and tackling the poor guy
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"
Tex snorted as Church tried desperately to pry the overgrown man child off him. She normally was not one for the holidays, but Caboose basically dragged the entire team into the Christmas spirit. And she would be lying if she didn't enjoy burning Tucker's mistletoe hat. His face was priceless...and also on fire. She would cherish the recording of the burning perv on her scroll...and judging by the hits on Schneetube, so did the rest of Remnant.
Meanwhile, across the hall in the GDLD room, utter chaos was in the works. Donut was trying to do some last minute decorating, Lopez was stuck playing Feliz Navidad on repeat and was slamming his head vigorously into the wall, Griff was refusing to even get out of bed, and Simmons was trying desperately to restore some form of order, but to no success.
"Griff, come on, you need to get up!" Simmons moaned
"5 more minutes…" came the drowsy replied from behind the door
"But Griff, Sarge will be here any minute for-"
"MERRY CHRISTMAS DIRTBAG" Sarge yelled, kicking down the door to Griff's room, revealing as expected a complete and total pigsty with Griff looking like a deer in headlights "It's time for what I like to call the 12 drills of Christmas!"
Griff stood "Ummm...I can't...I think I'm coming down with something..." He said, faking a cough. "I guess this means Simmons will just have to do mine for me…"
Sarge stood, glaring at the orange slob "Hmmmm... Normally I would yell at you to get your lazy bum out and get running to kill some blu-I mean grimm! But it is Christmas, so in the holiday season, I'll let you get some rest. Now come on Simmons! You need to work double time for your teammate!"
Simmons looked in horror "But Sir, he's obviously faking it!" He complained
"IS THAT INSUBORDINATION I HEAR!?" Sarge growled, cocking his shotgun
"NO SIR!"
"THEN I WANT TO HEAR YOUR FEET RUNNING DOWN THE HALLS BEFORE I DECK YOU IN THE HALLS! AND DONUT, QUITE PLAYING WITH YOUR BELLS!"
Doc looked outside, his window, looking at the snow covered campus "What a lovely day" He said, before his facial features twisted to something like that of a cartoon villain "YES, What a lovely day to bath in the blood of our enemies! MWHAHAHAHAHA"
"That's not very nice. I wonder what I should get for the white elephant the other staff is doing" Doc said, his face back to normal
"THE SPINES OF THEIR STUDENTS!"
"I'm thinking a nice set of plates."
"ALL THE BETTER BREAK OVER THERE HEADS!"
"But now that I think about, I kinda want some myself"
"YES, LET YOUR GREED CONTROL YOU!"
"But, I do think Port could get more use for it than I would"
"YES, SHOVED DOWN THE FAT MAN'S THROAT AS YOU CRUSH THE PLATE BY STOMPING ON HIS NECK"
"Ya know, I think I will use it for the white elephant. That's what Christmas is about"
"I WILL DEVOUR YOUR HEART AND CRAP OUT YOUR SOUL"
Jaune looked at the Doctor in horror as Doc turned to him "So, about that-"
"YeahI'mFineNowSoBye!" Jaune said as he left the room in a borderline sprint.
"I love how safe this school is! The students hardly ever need my medical expertise!"
11 Schemes of Roman
"ALL F**KING 11 OF MY PLANS! FOILED" The ginger haired mobster yelled as it echoed throughout the warehouse. Neo silently snickered as Torchwick continued to vent "I don't get it! I work so hard, so f**king hard, to be stopped not even by little red and her gang, as much as they've been a thorn in my side, but by a group of 2 colored idiots and a duo of jackasses in that don't know that underwear is worn inside the pants! A BUNCH OF REDS AND BLUES AND WANNA BE SUPERHEROES! "
"To be fair, you do suck" Emerald offered
"Shut up! Nobody asked you! Even the christmas tree scam turned out to be a bust, Only person gullible enough to buy one was ironically my sworn enemy!"
"Yes, your sworn enemy, a 17 year old girl with a thing for the color red. You truly are a legendary criminal."
"CAN IT"
12 Churchs bitching!
"Did we ever decide who was who?" One of the Churches questioned
"I'm the Alpha A.I., so I should be head Church." The white hologram spoke up
"SO ARE WE" Yelled about 6 or so colbalt blue robots plus 1 yellow one
"Look, I had the most time and I remember everything, plus I helped stopped the director!" The Epsilon Church debated
"Hey, I'm the most evil one here!" Spoke a rather… sinister sounding one
"Shut up O'Malley"
"Well, I'm the one who was here first" Spoke the hunter in training Church who was beginning to develop a serious migraine. Was this what his bitching felt like to his team?
"What about that one of there, the one not wearing any armor and with the beard"
Burnie Burns sat crying in the corner "Could have done anything. I was head of a successful company. Helped create the longest running webseries. Just had to activate that f**king portal. God damn it Barb..."
Tex rolled her eyes upon looking at the world's weirdest case of schizophrenia. "I give him one present labeled to him and they can't decide who its too."