9 Months To Live
Chapter 17; Fox on the Run
Disclaimer: Lone (and totally not Meep) Encountered a wild Rights to RWBY! What do they do?
*Selects pokeball, and throws it*
You can't steal someone else's property!
Lone and (not) Meep: GOD DAMN IT!
Meep: I am totally not involved with that guy's (who I definitely don't know) *subtly points at LW* attempts to steal the rights of RWBY. Definitely not involved. Totally uninterested in owning the rights to RWBY. This is CLEARLY not suspiciously repetitive denial. You. Saw. NOTHING.
AN: "I guess Blake's parents are rather poor." I feel like Rooster Teeth is making me look like the biggest idiot. God damn you episode 5! Her parents are basically the rulers of a f**king island! Now I just feel awkward… more so than you usual. How was I supposed to know her dad was the Chieftain of Not-Hawaii (Miles, Kerry, I think your hype for Sun and Moon went too far) I could not predict that. I can only predict humor. Not actual plot. Other than Pyrrha getting killed. She had wayyyy too much angst to live (I am an asshole). Well, back to the actual note and not my commentary of V4. Also, the reason for the slow updates is because my life has been the working on the musical How To $ucceed, and writing this between rehearsals has been tedious, that and the Month of Lancaster, made by yours truly and heavily helped with by AnonymousPrick and LeafyDream. Seriously, these people are amazing, and makes me glad to be a part of the Lancaster ship. Now to answer some questions
"Is Al'Aran the Captain?" What? Why would I have one of the best RWBY fanfic writers as the main villain? No, thats st- I mean, yes. I totally declared them as the villain. Totally not who most people think. Mwah. Ha. Ha.
"How pregnant is Ruby?" Um...I kinda forgot this myself for a bit. *Awkward laugh* Um… sorry?
Meep: We're looking at around 5-6 months
LW: Yeah, what he said. Ironically, I think around the time I started this, the babies would be born by now. Go figure.
"How does Yang know all this V4 stuff about Raven when this only Qrow met by meeting in V4?" Simple. Once again, don't know how many of times I said this, but this fic takes place 3 years after their freshman year in an alternate reality where Cinder was stopped and killed before her plan for the Vytal Festival could come to fruition. How you might ask? I do have a clear plan on what happened and will have a full fleshed out chapter for it, it's just finding a place for it. As for Yang, Qrow eventually decided to tell her more about Raven as she got older, as to give her better idea who her mother really is. That's why she knows, and as for Tai, I would expect that he already knows. Also, fuck you, I took some liberties.
Now, Chapter, Away! *Hopes onto motorcycle backwards and rides it out the window*
Meep: I gave up questioning you and your antics long ago.
"Yello, Ladies" Said a certain avian named individual as a group of nice looking females in skirts no daddy would approve of walking into the bar.
Qrow was having a good day. He managed to succeed in clearing out the grimm that had been troubling the small town, and the townspeople were foolish-I mean humble enough to give him free drinks at the bar. Jokes on them, there's not a person alive who could outdrink him!
Qrow looked down and saw his scroll buzzing with Ozpin's ugly mug on the screen. God, that man had the uncanny ability of ruining his fun. No, wait, that was Glynda, or was it Raven, or maybe that was that one time he got revenge on Tai for the whole kilt shinigan...eh, he was drunk at the time. And he would be drunk now. Downing the rest of his eleventeen glass, Qrow picked up and answered the phone.
"Sup Ozzy."
"You're drunk, aren't you." Came the dry, sarcastic reply from the headmaster.
"And you have a coffee mug in the other hand drinking the special brew" Qrow remarked as sure enough, there was a pause followed by a sip
"I refuse to acknowledge that statement."
Qrow shook his head "So, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that this is not a social call, as I'm pretty sure you never even heard of those."
Ozpin sighed over the line "Sadly, yes. I think we might need to start acting fast. The Witch is taking action. Ever since we took out Cinder, she's been quiet...too quiet. And with the recent break out of Torchwick, I fear it's a sign. One starts by sending the pawns first in chess."
"I see where you're getting at Oz," Qrow started, walking to the back of the bar for more privacy "So what do you want our next course of action to be?"
"Considering I haven't heard in from my mole in a while, I think it would be best if we contact Torchwick...but we can't have you doing it. You're known as the Killer of a world known terrorist. We want to get information from the man, not scare him into running away or getting his superior."
Qrow frowned.. Killing Cinder was something he carried with him, but it ended a lot of pain, pain that would have went to his nieces if he didn't act. Quickly recollecting himself, Qrow answered Oz "Alright, so I'm guessing are next course of action will be getting the newest member his first mission. This will be one hell of a hazing, Oz." Qrow chuckled as he could almost hear Glynda groan in the background. "Oh hey, I'm on speaker. How was graduation this year Glynda?"
"YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE-"
Qrow hung up the scroll the scroll with speed rivaling his niece. "Sorry Oz" He said to himself as he layed down a twenty on the counter "You did ruin my fun, so it's only fair I ruin some of yours"
And with that, a black bird took off into the night sky.
Jaune was having a fun time. Renovating the cabin his parents giving him had been a rather slow process, mainly getting rid of the lightish red paint, which Jaune quickly found that a painter he was not. On the upside, he now possessed a ball of painters tape the size of his head, and his house was now possessed walls of reds, blues, yellows, and a little black. True, it took several trips to the store, which was depressing when you live in a cabin in the woods and a decent distance from civilization, but hey, trial and error! He was now done with painting the nursery, and was now strug-building a cradle that he swore the instructions to were in a foreign language. Building Croissant Luna was easier than this! And he nearly burned his face off! But still, doing this, it was kinda cementing the fact that he was gonna be father soon. He was one part terrorfied, one part excited, and the other part anxious. He and Ruby were gonna be parents in a little under 3 months…
"You still struggling with the cradles?" Ruby's voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Hey!" Jaune "Not my fault they designed these things to be built by rocket scientists!"
"Just let me try. We both know I'm better at mechanics than you. My precious can testify that" Ruby said, looking at the collapsible sniper scythe that brought end to many grimm lying on the counter.
Jaune's pride would have none of this. He could do this, damn it! "Look, I've almost got it…" he said, tightening the last screw
"Well...not sure it could pass as something an infant could sleep in...maybe a piece of modern art…" Ruby started trailing off.
"It's not that bad!"
"Oh hey guys, I just came here to ge- Oh god, what the hell is that thing?" Qrow said as walked into the room and laid eyes on the...thing.
"Qrow!" Ruby squealed, and tackled the semi sober man in a hug
"Whoa, easy there Kiddo!" Qrow chuckled "You got a two on the way"
"I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" The younger scythe user huffed
"Then why did you have me run to the bakery in the middle of the night to get you strawberry and chocolate chip cookies" Jaune piped up from the background "And for the record, this is a crib!"
Ruby blushed as red as her hood "Not my fault I was craving cookies. And that's not a crib"
"Gotta agree with my niece on this, Kid. It looks more like a piece of modern art" Qrow said, squinting at the attempted construction.
"That's what I said! Hi five!" Ruby grinned as Jaune just grumbled in the corner, muttering something about the two of them both had it out for him.
"So what brings you to our humble cabin, Uncle Qrow?" Ruby asked the semi sober man.
Qrow chuckled "Both of yours, eh? Man they grow up fast. Good news is the neighbors don't have to worry about the noise."
Both Jaune and Ruby blushed heavily at Qrow's implication "Oh, no! Not like that! I mean, we both just wanted to be close to the kids when they come…" Ruby frantically said while shaking her head
"Yeah...we're taking things slow…" Jaune also added
"Sure...sure…" Qrow said with a knowing smile, but then quickly sobered "I actually need to speak to Vomit boy over there."
Jaune groaned. That stupid nickname would haunt him for the rest of his life. But what did Qrow want him for? Oh god. he probably wanted to murder him in a back alley way!
"Hey kiddo, could you leave me and Jasmine"
"Jaune"
"Whatever, alone for a bit?" Qrow asked the short huntress.
Ruby smiled "Sure! Wouldn't hurt for you two to bond some! Have fun!" and with that, she left the room.
"So what do you want Qrow?" Jaune asked as soon as Ruby was out of earshot, fearing for the worst.
"What I want is to be in a bar in the halfway through a drink that I had so many of I lost count hours ago Jared. No, what I came here for is because Ozpin has your first mission for ya. You will be investigating the terrorist self proclaimed master thief and mobster, Roman Limpdick" Qrow said while guzzling from his flask
Jaune looked at his future children's great uncle "Okay, 1, It's Jaune. I've told you this at least 30 times now. 2, I'm pretty sure it's Torchwick. Do you have some vendetta against people's names? And are you sure I'm the right guy for this? I mean, I don't think I'm quite ready yet for a mission of that calibe-"
Jaune was quickly cut off as blade came swishing at him, barely enough time to dodge the massive silver of Qrow's sword.
"Seem's ready enough to me" The semi drunk man cheekily said as he sheathed his weapon.
"Did you just try to kill me?!"
"Nope"
"DID YOU JUST TRY TO KILL ME?!"
"Nope. Now come on kiddo, enough rambling on. We got a bullhead to make, or else I'm leaving you, and then Oz will yell at me, and cut my booze funding and then I really will have to kill you, and then have to explain to my niece why I turned her boyfriend into swiss cheese. So get your armor and weapons kid." Qrow said casually as he began to walk off
Jaune stood still "He just tried to kill me. Agian. Is death threats a regular thing of my life now? Was I some sort of horrible person in a past life?"
"QUIT COMPLAINING AND START GETTING YOUR STUFF! AND DITCH THE HOODIE!" Qrow called out from the horizon
Jaune took offense. First Ruby, now her maniac of a drunk uncle (or drunkle as she stated) "IT'S A COLLECTOR'S ITEM!" He growled back. Jaune had worn his Bunny hoodie all his time at Beacon, no time to stop now! Besides, it was soooo comfy and warm, and the bunny was so cute!
"So, what was that?"
Jaune turned around to see Ruby leaning against the door frame. Crap! Did she here the whole thing? No, fake it till you make it! What was the saying, the best lies have half truths? "Oh you're Uncle...is taking me shopping to get a new threads. Something about my regular hoodie not fitting for a hunter."
"It has cute wittle bunny wabbit!"
"There is nothing wrong with it!"
"Jaune, no offense, but no one will really take you serious in a bunny hoodie. Maybe a new look would be good since we're hunters now. Just don't come back looking like my Uncle. Or smelling like him" She cringed.
"Trust me, I'll be back before you even now it!" Jaune smiled, and grabbed his weapons and buckled his sword belt to his jeans
"Wait, why do you need you weapons?" Ruby asked
Oh crap. "Um...to see if they go with the outfit?"
"Oh okay!"
Thank god Ruby was as naive as she was. That, or Jaune really needed to check how she picked out her clothes...BAD PERVERTED THOUGHTS. "OkayHeadingOutNowBYE!" Jaune said, bolting out the door at near Ruby speeds, hiding his blushing face.
Qrow looked surprised as Jaune ran up to him "Wow, that was fast. What did you do?"
"Long story short, we might need to go buy me some new threads after this."
"Finally, now I can show you how to dress like a real huntsmen."
"Without looking like a drunkard"
"That I am." He replied, flask out and taking a sip from it. This was going to be a long flight.
The moment they landed in Vale, Jaune and Qrow both made a beeline straight for the trashcans, upchucking the contents of their stomachs.
"Damn air sickness" Jaune moaned as he continued to empty the contents of his stomach. Only he would forget his medication for flight
"I regret nothing" Qrow said in between vomiting. Not his fault the flight had free drinks. Did he go overboard? No...maybe...a little. But not his fault they had cheap crap. He could easily handle his drink, it's just that the drinks from last night, mixed with this, plus the lack of food he had, just added to it.
After the two hunters finished getting rid of their lunch, Qrow looked to Jaune and fished out two things out of his pocket, an earpiece and a piece of paper.
"Here kid. This is an earpiece for contact with me, cutting edge tech. I can hear everything you hear, and you can hear me. I'll be right behind you in case you need back up. Now on the paper is the address my leads located Limpdick. Supposedly, he's been less discreet about his hatred over his new boss, so your main goal will be to find out about said boss, and secondary will be to to see if you get get him to make a deal. Now, Limpdick is expecting Oz to send someone, so don't blow it kid"
Jaune picked the earpiece and address "But what am I-" Jaune looked up to see Qrow gone, the only the was a black bird flying off in the distance. Jaune groaned. Great. Looking at the address, Jaune begin to find his way to the place.
Jaune looked in the empty room of a large warehouse near the docks of southwest Vale "You're sure your contact is right?" He whispered into his earpiece
"Look kid, have I ever proved you wrong before?"
"Your supposed help with Ruby's dad" He deadpanned
"Hey, you're alive, aren't you kid?"
"I'm not even gonna start-"
"Wow, this is what they send? Some scraggly guy who talks to himself. They are just scraping the bottom of the barrel. I would have thought they would have sent Red, or maybe her blonde bimbo sister, the heiress, Mittens, hell, any of the 4 that got me landed in the slammer. Get them a little payback for putting me and jail and foiling my schemes. "
Jaune turned to see Torchwick walk into the room, twirling his cane. His hand instantly went to his blade and holster unsheathing his sword, shield and revolver, only for Torchwick to raise his cane at him
"If you lay one hand on them, so help me…" Jaune growled, fire in his eyes
"Easy there, Kiddo!" The Mobster called out to Jaune "We just got started here, don't want to have to pay the janitor extra to clean a body"
Jaune but his sword back in its sheath but didn't take his hand off the grip. He knew better than to trust a criminal.
Roman went to a table in the middle, set his cane on it, then sat down. "What are you doing, Cereal Bowl, thought I heard you wanted to talk" He replied impatiently
Really, cereal bowl? Okay, maybe it was time to retire the pumpkin pete's hoodie. Afterall, he an official hunter now. But still, all that boxtops…
"Focus kid, Take a seat at the table. Torchwick wants to talk. Set your weapons on the table. By the looks of things, he has most of his men on standby, but not in the room. As long as you don't attack him, you'll be fine."
"And what if he attacks me?" Jaune whispered as he slowly approached the table and set his sword and revolver on it
"That's why I'm here"
"Oh and that's reassuring." Jaune groaned
"You done talking to your boss?" Torchwick asked, catching the Arc by surprise "What, I'm only a criminal mastermind, not an idiot, boy."
Jaune quickly recollected himself. "So, what do you want?"
Roman started laughing, it echoing through the empty warehouse "What do I want?! I want a million lien, a private yacht, my own fashion line, some competent men, and a life free from the law. Oh, and Neo wants a Ice cream truck with a machine gun turret mounted on top. But Boxtop, I want many things"
"Look, we need information on the person know as the Captain-"
"Gladly." Roman cut him off. "But at a price." The thug stood up and started pacing around the room. "You see," Roman started "I was on Cinder's side because she presented it as the best option at the time. Obviously, she was wrong, and my misplaced trust got me put in jail for a long, long time. Do you have any idea how boring it is? I have no intention of returning to jail cell. No. So this asshat, the Captain, as he goes by, breaks me out and wants me to start up my old job again. But if I learned one thing for sure while you had me locked up tighter than a Schnee's purse, is that you goody little two shoes will stop him one way another, or try anyway. So I give you an offer. I can help you and make your job a whole lot easier, but I want my get out of jail free card, and for the government to turn a blind eye to any of my personal endeavors. Or you could refuse, and deal with the guilt of millions that this guy could kill and harm, but hey, that's not my problem" Roman said smoothly.
Jaune paused for a moment. "He brings up a good point kid" Qrow spoke to him quietly "Normally I would not make a deal with criminals, especially one as slippery as Limpdick here. But his offer is good...too good. I would have you ask for more time. We need to check with Oz for this. Also, tell him Branwen says hi Limpdick"
"I'm not saying that!" Jaune said out loud
"Saying what?" Torchwick asked
"Nothing"
"Say it."
Jaune sighed "Well, me and my partner have decided to talk with the higher ups on your request. Also, Branwen says...oh god I am doing this...Hi Limpdick."
Torchwick looked at Jaune with his jaw open and paled several shades. "B..b...branwen?" He stuttered, then returned to normal "LIMPDICK!?" Torchwick growled, getting up.
Jaune quickly took this as his cue to leave. "Well, it was nice meeting you Mr. Torchwick, but I have things to do, and need to review over your proposal. WellByeHopeToSeeYouAgianNever!" and with that, Jaune made his exit out of the warehouse, rushing past the cheap third rate thugs with ease as he made his to his rendezvous with Qrow. Was there someone he could report Qrow to? Seriously, the elder huntsmen was awesome to have on the field fighting with, but otherwise, he just seemed like bad luck.
Roman was stood in the warehouse, still stunned over the whole meeting. He would need to find more out on Boxtop. Seriously, he was honestly expecting one of those damn girls to show up and resume be the thorn in his side, but no, he got some blond scraggly idiot. But at the same time, they had him having Qrow Branwen as back up, the person who killed his last boss. Roman held nothing against the man for killing his former boss, expect fear. Cinder was someone extremely powerful, in fact, that was one of the main selling points that made him start working for her. The people from the other side must have been very wise with this meeting. They didn't want to showcase their big gun as it would have had Torchwick run as Qrow could have easily disposed of him, Neo or no Neo. But this new guy acted as a middle man. Smart. Looking towards one of his men, he pointed his cane at at his head and released the safety.
"Tell one word of this meeting to the Captain and I'll have your replacement cleaning your brains off the floor" The mobster growled.
The poor grunt nodded fiercely, and then went back to work. Roman had a lot to do, and little time to do it.
"I really don't like you right now." Jaune scowled as he met up with Qrow.
Sure enough, the tall willowy man was cackling away "Tell me, what did his face look like? It had to be priceless." Qrow said, barely holding in his laughter.
"Seriously, why did you have me say that?!" he questioned the drunken man.
"One, it was fucking priceless and you know it. Two, it lets him know who he's dealing with, and what's to come if he tries any funny business."
"And three, you're drunk." Jaune said. Torchwick did seem to know what he was doing, which was more than Jaune did, and not only that, the man seemed to have something of a vendetta against team RWBY.
"Well, let's go report back to Oz, kid." Qrow said, dusting off his pants off and beginning to walk towards the bullhead station.
Jaune was about to follow the man when he remembered something he said earlier to Ruby that Torchwick brought attention to. "Yeah, about that…"
Qrow groaned "Look, if it's about your air sickness, I will personally dangle you from the ship if I have to."
"What!? No!" Jaune yelped. "I just kinda told Ruby that we were going clothes shopping in order to cover up the mission, and now she's expecting me to come home in something other than my hoodie."
Qrow rubbed his temples. "Well, at least I get to burn that little bunny hoodie."
"WHAT?!"
"Joking, kid, just joking. Now come on Justin. We got to hit my store before it closes. Time to get you some style."
"It's...you know what, I give up." Jaune groaned, and followed the drunken man to their destination.
Jaune looked at himself in the mirror, the new clothes actually looking pretty good. No longer did he have the jeans and hoodie combo, but this time a navy and pale grey button up with silver trims, and dark navy slacks and black combat boots to finish it off. The only problem was that his armor seemed...small. Jaune knew he grew during his years at Beacon, but he just never really took time to get it. When he first entered Beacon, the armor was loose on him, and he had it tightened to the max. Now, it felt old, battered, and too small. Maybe it was time to retire it. After all, it was one of his sisters early chest pieces from their training, maybe it was time to get his own.
"You done yet kid? They already kicked me out of the bar next door."
Jaune's thoughts quickly snapped back. Oh well, he'll get new armor later. For now, the sun was beginning to set, and they still had to report to Ozpin.
Jaune went to the cashier to pay for his new threads only to find them already payed for by Qrow.
"Consider it a gift kid. Now go catch that bullhead back to Patch. I'll report to Oz for us. Tell Ruby I said hi and for Yang to stay out of my booze stash hidden at Tai's house."
"Qrow, I…" Jaune was speechless.
"Just go kid. Be with Ruby."
Jaune headed out the store, the sun setting back behind him. Qrow looked at the silhouette of the Arc, the boy walking towards the Vale airport. However, for a brief moment, Qrow could have swore he saw something familiar, a different Blonde, a different Rose, a different time. Damn, Oz was rubbing off on him, all the damn sentiment. With a turn of his heel, the dusty old bird set off to Beacon tower, the wings of the ashen bird flying into the burning sky.
Omake: Cards Against Remnant.
It was a quiet day at Beacon as team RWBY, JNPR, and Sun and Neptune enjoyed the beginning of the weekend.
Needless to say, Yang aimed to fix that.
"Hey fellow huntresses, hunters, Weiss Cream-"
"Hey!"
"I just got the Horse Faunus expansion pack for Cards against Remnant! Anyone want to play?"
"What's Cards against Remnant?" Ruby and Jaune asked, voicing the opinion of nearly everyone there but Sun and Neptune, who were just giggling like maniacs in the corner, as they played it before with the rest of SSSN.
Yang grinned "Why I'm so glad you asked…"
After explaining the rules, they finally begin to play. The first black card was played with Yang as the card czar. The card read as following: Why am I sticky?
Ruby and Jaune's eyes went wide with shock as they went through there hand, Weiss puked a little in her mouth, Nora whispered to Ren about what one of her cards meant and seemed...intrigued with his answer, Blake seemed unphased, and poor Pyrrha was trying her best to play but failing.
Finally Yang received cards from everyone. "Alright, Why am I sticky?" She said, the begin flipping up the white cards "The Biggest Horse Faunus dick." Yang said with a straight face as everyone laughed hard except Blake, who scowled. Yang continued on "Why am I sticky? Schnee Labor camps"
"HEY"
Yang ignored Weiss and went on reading "Why am I sticky? 5000 volts straight to the nipples. I would fear the day Nora tried that" Yang commented as said Valkyrie gave a crazy grin as Ren shuddered. "Why am I sticky? An [1] Electra Complex" Yang paused for a moment. "NOPE. NOPE. NOPE." And with that, she threw the card out the window and burned it with a blast from Ember Celica, Sun's face falling as he watched his card and chance of winning fall (out the window and turn to dust in the wind) "Why am I sticky? Why am I sticky? An Oedipus complex [2]..." This one got the same treatment as before, also getting shot out the window in a blaze of glory as Neptune joined Sun. "Why am I sticky? 8 oz. of sweet black tar mexican heroin...well that escalated quickly. Why am I sticky? Testicular Torsion!" Yang said with a grin as every guy at the table cringed "Ah, memories. Wonder if they still would let me in to that club. Next card, Why am I sticky? Nicholas Cage. Awh, but the BEES! Anybody? Come on, you making me feel Caged here!" Yang quipped as everyone at the table booed.
Yang rolled her eyes and continued on "Why am I sticky? Firing a rifle sword while balls deep in a squealing boarbatusk."
"Why does that sound like something from Professor Port's stories?" Jaune questioned
"Well that's grimm image. Eh? Eh?"
"Yang, we will take the cards away from you if you don't stop" Blake and Weiss growled at the buxom blonde.
"Alright, Alright" The Buxom Blonde Brawler moaned "Why am I sticky? ATLAS DUNGEON PORN! ADP!"
Everyone at the table looked to Weiss
"What?" Weiss questioned "Look, just because my family lives in Atlas and we're rich doesn't mean we have something as crude as a sex dungeon!...at least I hope"
Winter sneezed
"Gastight" Qrow said
The eldest Schnee nodded then turned to the dusty bird "Now the safe word is Snowbird" And with that she tightened the straps
"Wait wha-OH...That's unfortunate"
By the end of the night, many laughs were made, play of the game went to Blake judging the white card raising an army of 6 million faunus and conquering Atlas for the black card what are you doing that you can't call your mother? Needless to say, rules were made for some cards never to be spoken of again. But the one thing nobody expecting was Ruby winning the game. When asked on how she knew most of these things, she merely blushed as red as her cloak and responded with the internet and Blake's books. Blake seemed to shrink under the glare Yang was giving her, but still defended her smu- adult books.
1: Electra Complex: when a child (usually female) gains the desire to murder their parents in order to have a sexual relationship with their father.
2: Oedipus Complex: when a child wishes for a sexual relationship with their mother. I'll let you think on those two. Mwhahahahahahahahahaha.