9 Months to Live

Chapter 18; Piano Man.

Disclaimer: *Goes to pull the rights to RWBY out of the forest pedestal but runs out of heart containers and dies.* I don't own RWBY. Yet. Just a few more shrines. No, I will not stop playing Breath of the Wild

AN: So...this fic is now one year old. A year ago I decided to run with the idea of Jaune and Ruby accidently having a kid, and up till that point, I'd never really written anything of real success. As I stated before, I wrote this to counter volume 3's dark ending, and the not so bright future ahead for the characters we love in Volume 4. Imagine my surprise when I found how much people liked it when I woke up the next morning after posting it. Never before in my life had I thought of the impact it would have both on me and Lancaster ship. I've started the community To the Socially Awkward, made some laughs, helped make the Month of Lancaster a thing, met great people I don't even know in person, my editor included. Damn, the passage of time never ceases to amaze me. So thank you all so much for making one idiot with a laptop and too much time on his hands a happy man.
Now enough of that mushy crap as I don't do emotions, to questions.
"Will I make a Cards Against Remnant series? Probably not, seeing as I found about 75% done with the omake that there is actually a fanfic of that, and it's more popular than 9 Months To Live, and I even used the same name by coincidence.
Huh. Oh AWAY *jumps out the window while flipping off Meep*
Meep: … rude

Jaune looked at down at the familiar warehouse. It had been a 2 weeks since the he first met the criminal Torchwick, and he was shocked to find out the Ozpin actually agreed to the criminal's terms.

"Mr Arc" Ozpin addressed him as Jaune entered the familiar office. The campus of Beacon for the most part was empty, as most students were enjoying their summer vacation, though Jaune did overhear from passing by the teacher's lounge that there were 2 freshmen teams at some hunter version of summer school with Coach Sarge. Poor souls. Jaune shuddered at memories of the buckshot at his heels on the track. But back to the present, the headmaster turned to address the blonde knight. "You consider yourself a tactician of sorts, what would you think our situation?"

Jaune paused for a moment. "Torchwick was a criminal who was known for siding with the strong, right? So for him to even consider making a deal with us could be taken two ways. Either he doesn't have faith in his employer for keeping his safety in mind, or we're looking at the end of deal to screw us over big time, framing the Hunter community for negotiating with criminals and having a mole in our group, not the other way around. Personally I wouldn't accept his terms just yet as I still don't trust him."

The headmaster nodded "Very good, Mr Arc. We must take our next move carefully, as it not one to be taken lightly. For now though, next time you meet with Torchwick inform him that we accept his terms."

"Yeah sure... WAIT, WHAT!? WHY?!"

"As you yourself noted Jaune, Torchwick is known for siding with those that he believes will benefit him. After how Cinder treated him as disposable he probably is even more cautious with siding with this Captain figure than ever before. Therefore he would logically open up an escape route of some sort to get away from the Captain. In this case, we appear to be his escape method."

Jaune could agree with Ozpin's reasoning, but still was hesitant towards this.

Jaune's thoughts quickly returned back to the present, and slowly entered the warehouse, his hand close to his weapons, read to draw at a moment's notice. On the upside, his aim with his revolver had been making leaps and bounds, as in now he might actually hit his intended target, so fingers crossed if the situation got heated, he had that to turn to.

"You again Boxtop?"

Jaune scowled as the criminal called him by that as Roman strolled into the room, twirling his cane as a short girl with the strangest hair color(s) he'd ever seen. However, what concerned him was the grin the girl had. It was not the I'm so happy because I just got a puppy, it was the I'm so happy because I stabbed your puppy right in front of you.

Approaching slowly, Jaune sat at the table, Roman following suit, both setting their weapons down on the table.

"So…" Jaune said slowly "Why did you bring a little girl here" God, he needed to work on his conversation starters.

Roman laughed "One, kiddo, she's older than you, and two, she's acting as my bodyguard, since last time you had Mr Big Bird himself watching your back."

Jaune had to muffle a laugh at Torchwick's nickname for Qrow. He would have to try that someone time. But back to the topic at hand "So, Mr Torchwick" He began "I've talked with my superiors, and we've decided to agree to your conditions, but we wish to change a few things first."

Roman's face transitioned from a smug grin to a scowl "Alright, what's the catch, bunny boy?"

"Really? I'm not even wearing it anymore!" Jaune exclaimed.

"Too late" The criminal stated "First impressions are everything. Now what are these terms?"

Jaune brought out his scroll, reading Ozpin's direct words "If you are to take any action against the business of huntsmen in the future, this will immediately nullify any contract we have with you, and we immediately hunt you like the beasts we've been trained to kill. Any personal activities you have outside the law are by thus your own responsibly, and no huntsmen or huntress will pursue you, nor defend you. We will, however, not turn a blind eye to any murders. These are our terms, Mr Torchwick."

The mobster seemed to ponder over this. On one hand, he could continue his robbing and extortion, but it also would mean he would never get the tempting challenge to test his abilities and get even with the pest who got him in jail. "Guess this means little red is off limits." Torchwick dismissed casually.

Jaune gripped the handle of his sword "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER."

Roman raised his hands "Geez, kid, no need to get so defensive. God, what are you two, dating or something?"

"..."

"Oh my god, you two are." The Mobster cracked up, laughing like crazy "Oh, this is PRICELESS! How did you two get together, were you both drunk or something?"

"..."

"IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER" Roman laughed out. Finally, after spending a good minute laughing his ass off, Torchwick finally straightened out. "I was just messing with you Boxtop. I have no current intention of going after little Red. The original plan at the time was to get me in jail. Cinder just didn't attack like she said she would."

Jaune scowled. At least there was one less problem to deal with. "So, you expect our terms?"

Roman puffed from his cigar "Sure, boxtop. Beats rotting in a cell like last time. Oh!" He said, standing up "I almost forgot. You see, I need to convince my boss on some things, because lets face it, it would be pretty suspicious if suddenly the huntsmen just gave me the blind eye. So, come on out boys!"

Jaune turned around to see at least a dozen armed thugs, each holding red blades, black suits, and red sunglasses. "Wait, you can't be serious!" He growled out in anger at Torchwick.

The man merely shrugged "I need to make it look convincing. Plus, think of it this way, if you don't die, I take on a new view on life. And if you do, well… It was funny knowing you kid. GET HIM BOYS!" With that, Roman snapped his fingers, the short girl skipped over to him and waved her umbrella around her and Roman in a circular motion, and the two seemed to fade out of the room, leaving Jaune in with a group of angry looking thugs...great.

Jaune set his hands behind his back, having them slowly inch towards Croceas Mor and Croissant Luna "Well, I think if we all get down to, we could settle our differences and-"

The lead thug, a man who seemed to a foot taller than Jaune and double his muscle mass, bellowed out "BREAK HIS LEGS, MEN"

Oh hey, Nora would have a blast Jaune thought as he quickly drew out his blade, the scabbard folding out into its shield form and attached firmly to his left bracer, and held his revolver. Bashing the closet thug in the head with his shield, the man fell to the ground. Taking quick aim with his gun, Jaune spun the barrel till it he got the rounds he was looking for. Shooting into the middle of the angry herd, he missed every thug.

One of them took notice "HA! YOU MI-"

He never got to finish his taunt, as the shells promptly exploded in a flash of bright light, blinding them.

Jaune took this as his que to get some distance, and hid the best way he knew how. Video game logic be damned, hiding in a cardboard box was perfectly fine!

Now despite training at Beacon and big tips on swordplay by Pyrrha on how to adapt in combat situations, he still needed some time to think on how to take out several armed men. It would have been foolish for him to take them on all at once, despite his superior skill and aura, they had him at sheer numbers. Croissant Luna was out of the question, as the revolver was too loud to offer much in stealth. No, his best course of action was to divide and conquer, get as many separated as possible. God, what he would have done for a semblance like Blake's or Sun's right now. Or maybe even Ren. But he had to work with what he had.

Seeing the head thug barking out orders to goons to search the warehouse for him, Jaune saw his opportunity rise. Slowly moving just enough, Jaune saw a group of 3 guards walk towards his cozy dark corner. He would have to make this quick and efficient.

"Look man, I'm just saying, the only reason I'm doing this is because of the dental." Commented one of the guards

"Yeah, our 401 k isn't really the best, but at least I don't have to worry about my teeth that much" said his friend

"Look, could we just-" The last guard was cut off as Jaune sprung up from his cardboard box, slamming the bottom of the sword hard on one's head, then slapping the flat of his blade against the other, then delivering a powerful shield bash, knocking all three out in record time. Ah, he was so glad he took time to learn these takedowns, something Pyrrha never taught him as she herself lacked them, her fighting style more went for tournaments, where quick knockouts and cheapshots are frowned on.

Jaune then moved the fallen bodies with much strain. He was doing good, now to move on. Climbing up one of the vast crates, he left one of the thugs out in the open for bait.

Sure enough, the next small patrol bought it, and Jaune lept down, taking out one by using his shield as a board for landing and slamming directly on a thug, a painful crack as the poor man fell to the floor, catching the other two by surprise. Both pulled out their crimson cleavers and swung at the Arc.

His shield still at his feet, Jaune acted fast, raising Croceas Mor to block the blade, and side stepped to get out of the reach of the other. However, it was too late, and one of the thugs managed to make contact, scratching his thigh. Jaune's aura taking a notable dock. He would have to finish this faster and smarter. Using a technique Pyrrha taught him, Jaune moved his sword with skill, disarming the thug, and slammed his elbow hard into the back of the man's head, knocking him out cold.

Panting hard, Jaune turned around to take out the last one, only to be greeted with nothing. The thug ran, probably for reinforcements...crap baskets.
The pattern of footfalls seemed to approach, and low and behold, nearly all of the thugs came marching down. Jaune looked for a way of escape, but quickly realized that he was cornered, the same corner he used to hide was damning him.

"Put your hands up in surrender! We have you surrounded!"

Jaune tightened his hand around Crocea Mors grip. He would not surrender, not to some cheap rate thugs. He had a duty as a hunter, for Ozpin, and for Ruby. He earned his title, time to heed Qrow's advice.

The blade of Crocea Mor begin to glow white, and Jaune raised his sword, and charged at the horde. The aura extension of the the blade sprung, but it was not enough yet. Focusing more of his aura, the glowing aura made the simple sword seem to be a massive spike of energy longer than him.

With a fierce cry, Jaune swung with all his might, the thugs sent flying across the warehouse, all of them sent flying in path of the massive silver blade.

Seeing all the thugs knocked out, Jaune finally felt the aura exhaustion kicking in. Sitting down against a crate, Jaune pulled out his scroll to see his aura in the red. As powerful as that attack was, he would need to only save it as a last resort. He didn't even have enough aura to give him the barrier from attacks.

"Ya know… not bad, Arc. Not bad" He said to himself.

However, his break was cut off as a large hand exploded through the crate, grabbing him up by the ankle, crushing it in a painfully tight grip

Jaune looked up to see the head thug from earlier, his face full of fury and Jaune's own shocked expression reflecting on the red sunglasses "Awh...crap baskets"
His weapons lying on the floor, Jaune began to desperately fight himself free from the massive grunt's grip, but the man had a grip of iron, and his weapons laid on the floor as he thought the fight was over. However, Jaune quickly aimed a kick at the man's face with his free leg, his combat boot making contact as the sunglass broke with a crunch, causing the man to drop Jaune.

Jaune quickly backflipped and landed on his feet, but felt pain shoot up his right leg. Damn, his ankle. Grabbing his weapons quickly, Jaune got into a combat stance, shield and revolver in one hand, sword in the other

"I"M GONNA SMASH YOU, YA NOODLED ARM PRICK" The brute roared at him, and pulled out a massive war hammer, the thing looking like a giant meat tenderizer.

However, Jaune was shocked as the brute's eyes rolled behind his head, and fell to the ground with a thud.
There behind him stood Qrow, spinning his sword, the barrels smoking, and blew the gunsmoke from it and sheathed the weapon onto his back. "Sup Jafar."

Jaune blinked "It's- nevermind, but why are you here, I thought this was my solo mission?"

"Well, considering how late this simple meet and greet ran, I decided to come and check on ya." Qrow said, letting out a low whistle as he looked around the warehouse, seeing unconscious goons scattered throughout "Nice work kid" he said, then gave a slight kick to the brute "But it seemed ya missed a spot"

"Thanks" Jaune said, sheathing his weapons. God, Ruby's Uncle could be a blessing or a curse, but one thing for sure, he was glad Qrow showed up when he did. "Hey, you think you could help me get home? I think my ankle got sprained or something"

"Sure, Jeffery" Qrow said, actually surprising Jaune. He then walked up to Jaune, handed him a bottle of aspirin, and started to walk off "I'm gonna go report back to Oz for ya. Stay off that leg till your aura kicks in kid" and with that, Qrow gave one more swift kick to the brute, and left Jaune.

The knight looked himself over, he was a mess. His new clothes were covered in scratches, his ankle hurt like a bitch, and he smelled of sweat. What the hell was he gonna tell Ruby?

The Captain looked over his Intel with care. His deadline from Salem would be coming in soon, and as foreboding as he was to his own men, having to answer to the grimm-like Lady was nerve wracking, regardless if he had failed or not. Qrow Branwen was onto Torchwick already, along with the surprising help of a Jaune Arc, a recent graduate of Beacon with a last name the man recognized. Years ago the Captain had met the boy under a different name, but the Captain never paid much time or thought to the boy, the only thing that really stuck out was his large aura and slight signs of tactical genius, but it was overshadowed by others from that year that caught his attention as more of a threat, such as Sun Wu Kong and Blake Belladonna, whom were currently leading a civil war between the faunus in hopes of overthrowing Taurus's iron grip over the White Fang, Yang Xia Long's fighting prowess on par with her father's, Valkyrie's legendary strength, and Lie's calm calculated fighting style. No, if there was one thing he could learn from his predecessor's failure, it was to not underestimate your enemies, as she poorly did. They may have been kids then, but they were the hunters of now, and he knew how each one was vulnerable in some way. The Captain had every intention of exploiting their weaknesses.

So imagine to his pleasant surprise that one of Ozpin's most prized students, Ruby Rose, was with child, and to add further, with the Arc boy that was assisting Qrow is the father. Already, he could see the plans align. Not only would he have an upper hand against one of the most feared hunters of the current era and his partner, but the possibilities he could have with the offspring; Soldiers with the power of silver eyes and the immense aura that the Arc family is known for… with an army like that he could take on anything, maybe even Salem herself.

"No, I must not take that line of thought any further, lest I fall into the same arrogance that cost my predecessor her life, but still this is if nothing else a chance to remove a significant threat while she is weak and is unable to act." The man chastised himself.

But his plan on using the offspring still had merit, and was possible. Pregnancy after al.l was known to drain on a huntress's aura and limited their combat abilities, so even a prodigy like Ruby Rose would be relatively easy to capture. The man let out a dark chuckle as he called his men to begin planning out this new objective. Mr Black and Ms Sustrai would soon have work to do.

Ruby was feeling lonely in the empty house. The past months had been a rollercoaster to her, from the party that got her and Jaune on the route to an early parenthood, dealing her and Jaune's family's trying to murder him, to the nice final weeks of Beacon with her fellow leader and her team. Even now, she had a picture of team RWBY all standing before in front of Beacon after graduation as well as her dad and Jaune's mom attempt on his life. The blonde had a knack for cheering her up, but now, wandering the halls of the new cabin, she felt like he was hiding something. Something him and her uncle knew.

Now normally, she was okay with Qrow keeping secrets. She respected his privacy, and the life of a hunter was never an easy one and her father did say Qrow and his sister came from a rough upbringing. But someone as close to her as Jaune, someone who was going to be the father of her children?

Maybe she was overreacting. But if there was one thing she hated was being lied to from people she was to trust completely. It nearly broke her heart when Blake kept out the information that she was a faunus. It was not because of her keeping it from them, but rather she felt she didn't trust her own team with a part of who she was. True, Blake was now done with this phase, but she was always a little cautious.

So what would drive Jaune to adopt such secretive behavior? Did he feel like she was ruining his career as a huntsmen?

Ruby was not one to jump to conclusions so rapidly, but over the past 2 weeks Jaune had begun to disappear more and more, with his excuses becoming increasingly harder to believe.

So she waited for him to return. And waited. And waited. Hours seemed to go by as she waited for the blonde knight to arrive, the night creeping over.

Finally, the door opened, a tired Jaune limped into the cabin, seemingly trying to avoid waking Ruby, before freezing in place upon seeing a displeased Ruby in the living room illuminated by the table lamp beside her.

"Where have you been?" Jaune turned around to see a tired Ruby looking furious at him.

"Ummm…The mall?" Jaune slowly said.

Ruby looked at Jaune with anger. "No, where have you been, not the excuses you attempt to give."

Jaune cringed. No, she couldn't find out. "Sorry, Ruby I can't-"

"Can't what, tell the mother of your unborn children where you are going?" Ruby ranted "Jaune, you can't leave me in the dark."

"Look, I'm telling you for your own good!" Jaune snapped.

"MY OWN GOOD! You knocked me up! What do you know about my own good?!"

"Oh, your own good! The fact that I literally had been threatened to the point of death by YOUR family just because we both made a mistake! I didn't see you dealing with a sword at your throat!"

"You think I wanted that to happen! I can't control my family! I don't need protected! So what are you hiding from me!? Are you so ashamed of this 'mistake' that you started another life?" Ruby shouted, tears falling down her eyes

Jaune finally snapped "NO! I've been doing work for Ozpin, as someone's been taking up Cinder's role!" Ruby's eyes widened in shock.

"Why didn't you tell me this? I could have helped" She said quietly

"That's the thing! You would have insisted on taking action regardless of words from me and others! I didn't want you to get hurt! I could not have you hurt on the field, I couldn't have you die on the field with our unborn children! I don't want our kids to grow up without a mother like you did, damn it!"

Ruby's expression changed from hurt to an emotionless mask. "Get out." She said quietly.

"Ruby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"GET OUT!" She yelled, hefting her weapon and cocking it back, pointing the massive sniper at Jaune, a single tear streaming down her silver eyes. Jaune looked at her with regret, then headed out of the house in shame.

Where did Jaune's life get so messed up? He would have said it was when he and Ruby went to Yang's party, but that was a lie. He had long since come to realise that it had started when he first enrolled in beacon.

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday

The regular crowd shuffles in

There's an old man sitting next to me

Makin' love to his tonic and gin

Here he was, sitting at some bar, with some old song he recognized that his old man played all the time when he was younger, echoing through the nearly empty tavern. Truth be told, he was not one for drinking. Hell, that's what got him into this mess. But right now, he needed to do something to keep the guilt from suffocating him. Ren and Nora were nice enough to lend him their couch to sleep on, no questions asked. He would have tried Pyrrha, but he felt that spending the night at separate single woman's house would seal his already closing grave. Jaune had tried desperately to sleep that night, but just couldn't. Everytime he got close to sleep, his own guilt personified in the image of Ruby's angry face in tears, would just come haunting to him. So he decided to drink them away. Might as well make things come full circle. So he left a note on his teammates counter and headed for the closest bar in Remnant.

He says, "Son, can you play me a memory

I'm not really sure how it goes

But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete

When I wore a younger man's clothes."

"Hey kid."

Jaune turned around to see Qrow walking up behind him. Oh great, bet he was here to kill him, just like everyone else had been trying the past freaking months. "Go away Qrow" Jaune bitterly said

"I would ask what brings you here, but I heard from Yang and Tai what happened with you and my youngest niece. Sorry about that kid." The older man sat, sitting next to the blonde knight.

"No, I had it coming. This whole problem has been my fault. Instead of going and helping Ruby like a normal person, I run away rather than try and settle down. I kept this whole job a secret from her, despite knowing that she would hate me for it!" he exclaimed, leaning against the bar "Everything I've done, has been a mistake."

"Nope."

Jaune looked up at the old bird "What?"

"You heard me. Nope" Qrow said simply. "Who was it that told you to keep it from Ruby? It was me and Oz. True, you didn't disagree, but what else would you have done. You're young kid, you can keep making mistakes, because you still have time to fix them."

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine

He gets me my drinks for free

And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke

But there's someplace that he'd rather be

Qrow took a sip from his glass and placed at the bar, letting out a sigh. "Kid, let me tell you a story. Once, there was a group of friends, a immature brother named Misfortune and his bossy sister Corvus, a headfirst blonde warrior named Burn, and kind shy girl who we shall name Été. Now as time went by, these people, these friends, begin to grow close to one another. Soon, the friends found themselves feeling closer to one another. Burn began to fall for the sister, and the brother found himself in love with the shy Été. Now, slowly, it seemed like it was destiny for the team to find love within itself, that all was gonna be happily ever after. But one day, Corvus caused discord in the group, and left, her brother hurt with regret and retreated inward and started looking for sympathy in a bottle, blinded by his own pain, rather than help his mourning teammates.

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."

As the smile ran away from his face

"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star

If I could get out of this place"

Now, overtime, Misfortune begin to guilt himself. Maybe he was responsible caused his group to split. But while he was wallowing in his own self pity, Été moved on, and started a family with the blonde, bringing a semblance of light that Corvus left. Misfortune kept his distance as the warrior and his love begin to form a family, too afraid to act in fear of ruining Été's happiness. However, tragedy struck, and during a simple mission, cold uncaring people took her life."

Now Paul is a real estate novelist

Who never had time for a wife

And he's talkin' with Davy, who's still in the Navy

And probably will be for life

And the waitress is practicing politics

As the businessmen slowly get stoned

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

But it's better than drinkin' alone

Jaune looked at Qrow with confusion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Qrow look at his glass as it ran his finger along the brim "What I'm trying to say kid, is don't waste what time you have in this life, 'pecially with the career we have" He sighed "I-Misfortune spent most his life pondering the what-ifs, the could-have-beens and missed his chance. Don't make the same mistake. If I know my niece, and I do, she's hurting, but deep down she knows you care. So go, tell her you're sorry, and fix this mess Jaune."

Jaune looked at the older man who seemed to be reminiscing. Qrow was right. Here he was trying to drink his sorrows and shame away when Ruby was hurt. "Thank you Qrow." Jaune said as he got up and laid a twenty on the counter. However, before Jaune made it out the door, he realized something.
"Hey!" He called out "You finally got my name right!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Jolene." Qrow chuckled as Jaune let out a slight groan, and got up, his resolve clear

"Thank you Qrow. I needed to hear that." Jaune said sincerely to the older man "I'll make it right."

The drunken man merely shrugged "Eh, I did nothing kid. Just go." Without wasting anymore time, Jaune ran out of the tavern.

The Arc gone from the bar, Qrow looked up and raised his glass "Here's to you Summer. You would have liked the kid, looks kinda like Tai, but none of the charisma. Yet he still managed to romance your little gem." he chuckled to himself.

Jaune started running down the path to the house, checking himself over.

Bouquet of red roses? Check

Smell? Eh, deodorant was close enough

Apology prepared and braced for whatever might death threats Yang and Tai would probably throw at him for making Ruby cry? His body was ready.

Getting off the Bullhead, Jaune prepared to head towards the Cabin when he noticed something off. The air seemed to smell of like someone was grilling...or a fire. Looking around, Jaune looked for any tell tale signs of fire.

Sure enough, in the horizon, there was a pillar of black smoke climbing...from the direction the cabin was...

Dropping everything, Jaune sprinted as fast as his legs could carry him. "No. No. No. No." he repeated, a futile attempt to reassure himself, till he made it to the clearing of the cabin.

There, the house the two had been putting the finishing touches on, had been brought to a decrepit state, the windows broke, the place charred over, and some walls where even shattered. However, the house was no concern to Jaune.

"RUBY!" He called out, running into the house, his legs carrying him on a will of their own.

Jaune scanned inside, finding a familiar mane of blonde hair huddled in what was the living room.

"Yang! Where's Ruby!?"

Yang refused to look Jaune in the eye. She was beaten, bloody, and bruised, and had her head cast down in shame "Jaune...I'm sorry" she sobbed quietly, holding a familiar piece of crimson cloth to Jaune

The man looked at her with panic "Where's Ruby?" he asked again, fear and dread clawing at his chest

"They took her. They took Ruby"

Omake: Internship (And I need to shut my goddamn mouth)

Glynda stood in the peculiar office of the headmaster of Beacon with a scowl. "Ozpin, I've came to tell you the results of your internship idea for hunters and huntress who wish to teach. All of team RWBY and JNPR applied to this, but had… varying results."

Ozpin looked up from his scroll and closed his browser page (Glynda would have a cow if she saw the price of the coffee he was about to purchase) and looked to his co worker.
"How so Glynda?" Ozpin asked "I thought it was a good idea to send them over to Single to help out and learn some things about teaching."

"That's just the thing…" Glynda said, rubbing her temples "I'll start off with team RWBY. Ms. Rose did give a great job on education the young students on the importance of their weapons, but…

"And that's why weapons are the best! And anyone who tells me otherwise, can argue with the end of the barrel!" Ruby finished her 30 minute speech, that included a 57 slide powerpoint, examples from her team on good weapons and an example from Jaune why classics are still useful, and then followed up by an entire song and dance number called "It's also a Gun" dedicated to weapons.

One of the students in the back rolled his eye "Yeah, like we needed all that over something that we use to stab and shoot things with. Big whoop"

The boy sitting next to him, a tall pale kid chastised him "Max, quite! I found Ms. Rose's talk on the mechanisms of the collapsible blades and how to add more firepower per shot by increasing the-"

"Boring!" Comment the energetic bluenette girl sitting with them "Though the presentation was nice, could have gone without musical bit. Now when do we get to stab something!?"

Ruby looked at the three in disappointment.

Ozpin sipped from his mug as Glynda finished her tale. "I still don't understand why you're skeptic. Both the students and Ms. Rose learned a lot that day."
Glynda groaned "I can't bring myself to even argue with you. So our next point, Ms Schnee. While the teachers at the school, the students referred to here, without the profanity, as an uptight pain in the rear who ruled the class with an iron fist. Student reports say they were 5 minutes away from leading an uprising against her quote unquote, tyra-schnee"

Ozpin frowned "I can see your concern with that, but Ms Schnee's behavior has improved greatly over her years at Beacon, so in time, she might ready in a couple years"

Glynda begrudgingly agreed "And then there was Ms. Belladonna. She just read her adult literature the entire time and said the kids to read from their textbooks. While I can respect that she wants to read some of the finer literature in life-"

"You mean the same smut you read when you think no one's watching" Ozpin interrupted, catching Glynda completely off guard.

"I have never read Ninjas of Love!" Glynda defended herself, blushing deeply.

Ozpin let a small smirk grace his face. "I never said any specific title."

"As I was saying" Glynda said, quickly changing the subject back to the matters at hand "Ms Belladonna, while she didn't go as far as her other teammates in her methods, she did lack interaction with the students. However, all the past transgressions are small compared to that of Ms. Xai Long"

Ozpin groaned as he rubbed his temples "Jesus, what am I gonna have to tell Tia why his eldest did this time?"

"Well…"

Max was pissed. The past 3 Beacon kids trying out teaching were horrible. The first one was to fucking peppy and energetic that reminded him of David if he had a thing for weapons instead of camping, one was a freaking dictator that only Dolph seemed to like, and the weird cat lady made them read from the fucking textbook while not giving a shit and reading her porn.

"Hey Max, any idea what's our last teacher gonna be like?" Neil asked him nervously.

"Yeah! Think they can shoot lasers out of their eyes?! Or Maybe have flames come out of their bodies!" Nikki chattered, full of excitement "Oooh, maybe she'll let us go outside, and try hunting some grimm!"

Max rolled his eyes "Please, she'll probably be uptight and care even less about us then the last than the last one."

Suddenly, a blonde blur crashed through the window, landing in the front of the class.

"Alright let me hear it, WHO'S UP FOR AN ORGY!?" Yang Xaio Long yelled to the class full of 16 and 17 year olds.

"...Then according to Ms Xiao Long's report, they did wear protection." Glynda finished.
Ozpin shrugged at this "Well, at least we won't have a repeat of-"

"She meant that they had their armor and weapons"

"It appears there is little to stop the libido of a Xaio Long. Must I remind you of Tai.

Entire.

Team."

Glynda rolled her eyes "Sir, we still haven't got any proof that he and Qrow-"

Suddenly a black bird went flying into the Lone Wanderer's office, and started viciously pecking at his head.

Lone turned towards Meep, seemingly unfazed by the angry avian "Hey, Meep, how did this bird get into the building?"

"Eh, probably the front door, or maybe someone opened a portal and let it in, but it was most likely BECAUSE SOMEONE KEEPS BREAKING ALL THE WINDOWS!" The frustrated editor yelled.

The Lone Wanderer just shrugged "No regrets."

"Aren't you bothered by the angry crow attacking your skull or the sharp talons?"

"Please, I drink a gallon milk a day. My skull and bones are basically made of steel and the skin above it is very durable as well." Upon saying this the bird proceeds to switch tactics from pecking at Lone's skull to trying to peck out his eyes, with to much greater success than before.

"GAH!" Lone yowled out in pain, beginning to viciously swat at the bird, failing to realize that in his struggle, he was bordering near the window.
"Quick, get my chainsaw hand! NOW, DO IT NOW! JUST...DO IT!" He cried out, swatting at the bird with his detached hand but to no avail.

Meep shrugged and went over to the glass box with the sign above labeled break whenever you feel like it, and broke the glass, and lazily tossing the weaponized prosthetic at Lone.

Sure enough, his aim was off, hit the courier right in the head, causing him to lose his balance and fall out the window, the bird doing a weird cough that almost sounded like it was laughing, then made a beeline for Lone's not-so-secret secret booze cabinet, but not before throwing a knowing look towards Meep.

"What? I totally didn't miss that on purpose and you know it. Even if it was, you have no way of proving that it was. Although it's too bad that window is only on the second floor and not on like the three hundredth floor. I mean it's not that I want him dead; no he can't write while dead, but if he became injured to the point that he can't use his legs, then he would have a lot more trouble jumping out of windows now wouldn't he? Our group could save thousands of imaginary dollars in glass alone."

Lone's voice rang up from outside "Thank god I paid part of Meep's salary to have this haystack moved here!"

"Wait, is that how you've been doing this? And I have a salary!? AND YOU'RE USING IT!?"