Matt remained in his state of confusion, his only words after that being "How long?"
"Uh, a while, I guess." Alicia replied.
"So you knew the entire time, huh?"
"It'd be kinda difficult to not notice. I think everyone did. I just never really got to bring it up."
"Ah. Did ya also notice all the stuff back there?"
"Yeah, I just thought it might be rude to point it out." Alicia sighed, getting back on topic "Well, still, I can't really say I feel the same way, if ya couldn't guess."
"Cause of Sean?"
"Yeah."
"This is a weird question, but considering where we are already what's the harm. What's good about that guy? In the eleven years I've known him I've never even seen a single emotion show on his face."
"To explain why goes a while back, to before those eleven years." She paused for a second. "It's not as though it's a particularly long story, but it's a very personal one, as well as my most important. So I guess it's just as difficult for me to tell as a million word epic."
The story began a while earlier than the previous beginning.
The girl and her family. Her parents a pair of hunters. One day, her father died. It was a sudden death, nothing more than an unfortunate accident. So this standard death created the standard response. Despair.
It was a confusing cycle. Her mother would sometimes act normal, sometimes act violent. For her, there was no way to tell when. It was random. Like something beyond her understanding was flipping a switch.
The woman was at times passionate and furious, at other times apathetic and aimless. She didn't know how long this continued. It just became a normal part of her life.
The point where this life began to change, is when a certain figure appeared. Of course, you can probably already guess who this was. In her mind a hero-like existence, a living legend. Hope.
It's not as though one day he suddenly appeared in her life. They'd known each other for a while. It was his actions then that redefined her view.
"Hey, how did yer arm get hurt like that?" The boy called Sean asked.
"Ah, this?" Alicia replied "I just tripped. Ya know, fell badly." She quickly tried to move on with the conversation.
"This has been happening a while, right?"
Alicia went silent.
"Just… leave it already."
Sean thought about what to say next. "Right now, are ya happy? If the answer's yes, then I won't do anything. If the answer's no, I'm gonna do my best to help. I can't help someone who doesn't want it."
Alicia took another pause.
"No. I'm fine. Why are ya even doing this, anyways? It's not like it's your problem."
"Yer alive. Might as well get the most of it."
"...What?"
"Well, it's just something my parents told me. Still, helping others is meant ta be good, right? So I've gotta do it."
A few more months passed. The beatings got worse and more frequent. Alicia tried to tell herself she was fine, but those words had affected her. They continued to ring through her mind.
One day, another change happened.
Sean continued about his daily life, when Alicia suddenly approached him.
"Before ya said that ya would help, right? If I wanted it. So… I'm gonna ask ya now. Please rescue me."
It's not as though his response was without confusion, hesitation or worry. It was all of those things. But the important part was his final answer of "Got it."
In reality, he had no idea of what to do. The plan for the time being would be to help Alicia escape her home, then work it out from there.
In the dead of night, the two snuck in through the window to her room to start packing. A few minutes later, the door burst open. They had been too loud, unsurprisingly.
Alicia's mother flew in violently, expecting burglars. What she found still didn't change the expression on her face.
"What, are ya tryna run or somethin'?"
Both of them remained silent.
"Hey, answer me already! Where the hell do ya think yer goin'!?"
The woman rushed forwards. Alicia got herself ready to go through the same thing as always. Surprise dawned on her a second later, as she was pushed out of the wya.
The woman kicked at Sean, knocking him to the floor. Sean didn't react. Far too many seconds like eternity passed until she got bored and stopped.
"I don't care anymore. Ya wanna leave, huh? Think ya can survive on your own? Go right ahead. Be someone else's burden."
She then turned to look at Sean on the floor.
"If ya really think ya can just solve others problems like that, ya got another thing comin'. Saving others just makes you worse off. But that's not any of business anymore. Nothing is."
With that, she retreated back into the house. The two quickly left. Alicia finally turned her back on the hollow shell she'd been living with her entire life.
On the way back she noticed Sean trying to cover up his crying from the pain, but didn't mention anything.
In the end, they had to explain it to Sean's parents. Despite some hesitation, once they understood the situation they took her in. The kindness of others was a confusing thing. But they seemed to have no problem with this, so life continued like this for a while.
As expected, something else changed. One day, a high paying job was put up, calling as many hunters as possible.
They didn't fully understand, but it was clearly a dangerous one. They were apparently taking hunters from as many towns in the New World as possible. Needing the money, Sean's parents took the job in a heartbeat.
The two set off, promising to be back soon. It was a few weeks later that they heard reports of their deaths in the fighting.
Both of them were hit heavily by this.
Sean disappeared into his room for a good few days, not even eating. By the time he emerged, his eyes were cold.
"C'mon. We can't stay here. Someone's probably gonna come to sell this place in a little while. Who knows what they'll do to get us out of the way."
Alicia took a second to respond.
"Where are we gonna go?"
"There must be an orphanage or something. We just have to find it. We'll be safe there."
It was the same as when he led her all those years ago. But this time, without emotion. Without warmth. He had changed.
"This must be my fault." Alicia thought to herself "He must hate me. It's all my fault. If I hadn't been such a burden, those two wouldn't have needed the money. I'm so useless. She was right to call me a burden, huh?"
Even now, she couldn't forget that woman she wanted to disappear from her life.
It was a while before the answer dawned on her.
"My existence changed everything for the worse. My wanting to be saved. I can't undo that. If I were to not exist now, the world would stay worse. So… I need to reset as much as I can. I can't undo their deaths. But Sean is still alive. All I need to do is return his happiness. His feelings. His soul."
This is what brought her to the start of the lonesome boy's story.
As the two walked through an alleyway, Alicia suddenly felt the need to stop. A figure lay slumped over next to them.
"Helping others… is something that he used to do. I need to do that. I need to show him how to act."
She said the first thing that popped into her head.
"Hey, are ya alright?"
The conversation continued the way she hoped it would. She even got to say that line that meant so much to her. The line that meant hope. But, when she tried to gauge Sean's reaction, all she saw was disgust.
"He must… blame me." She thought. Still, she had a job. She put on a fake smile and focused on the boy again.
A few moments later, they departed as a group of three.
They eventually found a place. But no matter how hard Alicia tried, no matter how hard she tried, Sean wouldn't return to normal.
A few years later, a certain winged wyvern appeared in a certain field.
Alicia was surprised by Sean's interest in the monster. So, she figured she would have to push this. She suggested giving him a name. Sean asked what she was thinking of. She couldn't just admit that she had no idea. She said the first thing that popped into her head, fearful of this once in a lifetime chance passing. Surprisingly, Sean accepted this name.
That's how the Rathalos called Azure became a part of this story.
More time passed, as Azure grew.
A day in mid-summer came around, marking the point of divergence.
It was the middle of the night where Alicia heard footsteps walking past her room. She normally wouldn't have thought much of it, but there was something about these that inexplicably bugged her. She waited, hearing the footsteps leaving the house. She then opened her door and followed as quietly as possible.
The figure continued to sneak through the streets, finally leaving town to reach the fields outside it. Alicia continued to keep her distance and pursue.
Azure descended from the skies to greet the figure. Alicia had already guessed who this might be, but this only confirmed her suspicion.
"So, where are ya goin'?"
The figure stopped climbing atop the back of Azure.
"Ain't it obvious?" Sean replied "I'm leaving."
"But, why?"
"Around here, there's no way ya can make any money. Need ta go somewhere bigger."
"What does it matter? Why not just stay here!?"
"If I don't make money, then I'll die."
"Where did that come from?"
"My parents already showed that, right? I need to make money to survive. That's all that matters. Anything else is unnecessary. I can't just expect everything to work out, I need to ensure that life is fine for myself."
"That… money's not all there is to life. Ya need to have… feelings. Concern for others."
"Sure. But just focusing on money's the way to keep living the longest."
Alicia didn't have a way of responding to this. She wanted to explain that he was wrong, but there was no way of disproving what he'd just said. The guilt that motivated her all these years now prevented her from doing anything. Her hope for the monster to change anything had only backfired.
The Rathalos and the boy took off, soaring away into the sky.
The girl was left all alone in that field, weighed down to the earth.
She spent the next while in a slump, unable to recover.
Every morning, she found herself returning to that same field. Was it a sense of loss, or of regret? She didn't know. All she knew was the invisible force dragging her out there every day.
It was after an eternity of this cycle that her life started to change.
A wounded Pink Rathian appeared in the same field.
Like fate, she was the first to stumble upon the monster. For a second, she thought it was too good to be true.
The monster didn't respond to her movements. She slowly approached, offering a potion. The Queen of the Land seemed to not have much with a problem with accepting her as an ally.
From there, the rest can be assumed pretty easily. She helped the Rathian recover, while not letting anyone find out about her presence.
The set of wings she'd been granted are what helped her escape her state of mind.
"I don't care that it's my fault anymore. No one else is going to save him, so I'm going to. Even if it's hypocritical, I will atone."
It was a few months later that the Rathian was recovered enough for them to leave. In the same way Sean had before her, she flew off without a word, not wanting to dwell there any longer than necessary.
A little while later, she finally managed to sight him in Tanzia. As she feared, nothing had improved. Even from a distance, his presence was as cold as she remembered it. That's why she had to take her first step towards change, leading her to now.
"And that's about the end of it, I guess. It doesn't have an ending yet, unfortunately."
Matt was silent for a little while afterwards, trying to think this out.
A few minutes later, he had a question.
"Wait, ya said ya were tryna help people to show him how to change, right? But I don't remember ya doing that at all."
"Ah, yeah, that. Well, I was only really doing it in hope that it'd work. So when it didn't, and I just got more and more focused on Sean alone, I just kinda… forgot about that. Sorry."
"Sure. But anyway, the more important question is probably… has any of this been worth it?"
"...What do ya mean by that?"
"Has he shown any signs of change at all, even after you've been trying to change him for so long?"
Alicia took a second.
"Whether he's changed or not, it's hard to say. I really don't know."
Matt didn't have a response for that, recognising that he couldn't just trample on everything she'd worked for like that.
"Seriously, it's such a pain." Alicia sighed "Life can change things so easily, but it's so difficult to change anything yourself. Not just that, it's also way too difficult to save someone who doesn't think they need saving. But… I'm not gonna give up. He's the reason I'm alive like I am now. So I need to help him."
Matt really didn't have anything left to say, so they just changed the conversation after that, as they headed back to the rest of group. Matt then had to quickly run off to explain the situation as he noticed Joshua about to be executed for his suspected betrayal of the group.
A few hours later, Matt thought to himself, all alone.
"So in the end, it was just a lie from the start, huh? That kinda sucks for something so important. Well, kinda's understating it a lot. Well who cares, it's not like it being a lie will change what it meant. What this does mean is that this was just another thing completely out of my control, I couldn't affect anything."
He thought back some more.
"Her outlook sure is hopeless. I dunno how she's managed to keep at it so long without giving up. I could never do something like that. That's just how I am. I can't even change a thing. I can't get rid of these feelings, even now. Hopeless…"
So concluded this chapter in the lives of the one who continued to believe in the unchanging and the one who hoped for change.
TO BE CONTINUED