Mud and blood were still stained onto Liz as they drove away from the Chalet. Before, Liz had felt arms around her neck, but now she only felt the phantom of Jacob's embrace. He had held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. It was a feeling that she always wanted to have. It just wasn't the person that she thought it would come from.
There had been way crazier things that had happened in the past few months though. Finding out that her hometown was taken over by a crazy cult is one of them. Every other insane thing followed after that.
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She didn't even know what to say to him. She had… hugged him. Something so simple shouldn't be over exaggerated in her mind like this, but it was. Did she have feelings for Jacob? That was something she never thought she would have to answer. But something was there, she couldn't deny it anymore. She knew that he wanted that from her. What he had said on the radio that day was burned into her mind. She hadn't thought about something like that with him until recently. By recently, she meant 20 minutes ago.
Exactly how old was he though? He had to be at least in his 40s. Or maybe older… He didn't look extremely old though. And besides, they were only like 20 years apart, it wasn't that weird. Despite his age, there was still a whole lot of muscle there. She had seen him shirtless after all. She had also felt his…
She immediately stopped her train of thought. What the hell. Really Liz? She shook her head. Why had almost dying brought up these thoughts? The last thing she needed to be thinking about was sleeping with him. It would only prove everyone in the goddamn county right. They were all thinking it anyways. A small shudder went down her spine. She shouldn't want that. She shouldn't… But there was the small part of her thinking about it. Even if it was just out of curiosity.
She never really thought a whole lot about sex. Well, of course she'd thought about it… But there was never really anyone that she'd had that she deemed worthy of being her first. She had originally wanted it to be Staci, but that idea was short lived when he broke her heart. It had just never been at the top of her priorities, which was strange for someone her age. But overall, she had concluded that it would just hurt a whole lot the first few times.
Liz spared a quick glance his way, shameful thoughts running around her mind. He titled his head to meet her eyes. She quickly retreated to the window. Her head pressed against the glass. She couldn't look at him, not without slipping up and saying something stupid.
He sighed. "You gonna ignore me from now on, little lamb?"
"Yup."
"You got a stick in your hair."
She rolled her eyes. She missed joking around with him. It was the thing that she liked about him the most. They had the same sense of humor. "I know. I like it there. It's cute isn't it?"
"Most definitely. Oh, and you got a little mud… everywhere."
"Asshole."
He chuckled. "Mmm, those are fighting words Palmer. You were so much gentler with me a bit ago."
Blush accumulated on her cheeks. Oh shit. The last thing she wanted to do was actually talk about what happened. She'd rather talk about her near-death experience. Or all of them, because there had been many.
"Yeah well, we all make mistakes."
"You sure it was a mistake?" He asked.
She turned back to him. When she met his eyes she immediately began to soften. Damn him for doing this to her. "No."
Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She hadn't felt like this in a long time. The last few months of her life had been filled with only fear, and before that… there was only dissatisfaction.
"I also didn't think that coming back home would be a mistake, but yet here we are…"
His hands gripped the wheel tighter. "If you could do it over would you have come back here?"
She thought about it for a minute. She thought about what she would have lost if she hadn't come back. There wouldn't have been any closure about her parents, not that there was a whole lot. But she at least knew they were dead. She wouldn't have gotten to see Eli again, and she would have never know what had happened to her hometown.
"If I knew everything that I did now, no. I wouldn't have come back. I would have lived my cushy life and let you all kill each other."
It was a cold thing to say, but she didn't care. She would let Eli and all her friends die if it meant that she wouldn't have had to gone through all this. But… just because she would let him die didn't mean that she hated him. She loved him, but if it came down to her or him… she would choose herself every time.
Jacob looked… hurt by her words. "Yeah well, if you had stayed you wouldn't have become what you were meant to be…"
"And what is that exactly?"
"A fighter."
She scoffed. "I never asked for that. I just wanted to be left alone. And that's clearly not what I'm meant to be, giving by the ass-kicking I just got." Her body still ached from being in the mud pit with that boy. The sounds of the men cheering for her death still echoed in her ears.
"It is. If you hadn't have come here you'd still be pathetic little girl you were. And you wouldn't have any protection from the collap…"
"Oh you've gotta be shitting me!" She yelled.
Her words were enough to make Jacob slam on the breaks, bringing the truck to a halt. The butterflies in her stomach faded away. It wasn't shocking. It only took something small to send them apart from one another. That's how fragile their relationship was.
"You got somethin' to say little lamb?"
She clenched her teeth. Here she went again. Ready to duke it out with the devil himself. "Yeah I do. I wish you goddamn Peggies would shut up about the fucking collapse! Newsflash, the world is not coming to an end anytime soon! Your purpose is absolute bullshit."
"Yeah well here's another newsflash, sweetheart. Whether you like it or not, you are a Peggie. Always have been, no matter how much you deny it. That purpose you think is bullshit, you've fought and killed for. And I know for a fact you believe in it too."
That had been one of the first times she had used the word Peggie. As soon as she had said it, it had felt foreign in her mouth. It was something everyone else said, not her.
"I fought and killed to save myself, not for any purpose." She opened the door and got halfway out of the truck.
"You step out of this truck, I'm done. You don't come back and you stay with the Whitetails. I won't save you again." He growled.
Liz hesitated taking another step. She had lost so many people and so many others were against her. And despite all the bullshit he spewed, she couldn't lose Jacob. That's be too much. She cared about him and she couldn't afford to be his enemy again. With a sigh, she closed the door and pulled her legs up to her chest. She buried her head in them. The truck started moving again. She didn't care to see where they were going.
The swaying of the truck eventually calmed her down. Her breathing settled. Here she was once again pissed off at him. She thought that once she admitted that she cared for him, that things would be easier. But things were never easy with Jacob Seed.
Eventually they came to a stop. When she looked up, to her surprise, they weren't at the veteran's center. They were deep into the woods, and pretty high up too. Water from a lake reflected the setting sun into her eyes. This really was the middle of nowhere. No one would be finding them here.
Jacob came around to her side of the truck and opened the door for her. "Come on, out."
"I thought you wanted me to stay in the truck."
He sighed. "You know I'm about sick of your smart-ass mouth."
Liz climbed out of the truck. She glanced back at the seat her butt had been on. It was entirely stained with mud. Whoops. That was the least of her concerns though. She looked Jacob dead in the eye.
"No you're not." She said. She turned away so he couldn't see the smirk that tugged at her lips.
It was only a small whisper to himself, but she heard it all the same. "No I'm not."
She walked over to the back and dropped the tailgate down. She turned back around only for a t-shirt to hit her in the face. Probably one of his shirts…
"Go get cleaned off in the water. I don't want you getting mud on anything else. Oh, and don't worry little lamb… I won't look."
Against her wishes, blush formed on her cheeks once again. Damn him. She stumbled down to the bank, shirt in hand. The water was perfectly still. She bent down to touch it, and as she expected it was ice cold. This was going to be fun. She set the shirt down on a rock and began to strip. It was almost painful to get her clothes off. Mud had soaked through her clothes and tainted her skin.
There were also bruises everywhere… One of her thigh, another on her ribs, and faint ones on her neck… Her body was the last thing she wanted to be looking at right now. She was going to try to make this as quick as possible. She tossed her dirty outfit into the water first and slowly got in. She winced when the water touched her legs. Holy shit it was cold. It had been a long time since she had gotten clean though. The suffering would be worth it. She waded in until the water was up to her chest. She scrubbed furiously at her skin until it was a bright pink with no trace of any mud. She then cleaned her clothes and her hair.
Each second she was in the water, she grew colder. Goosebumps formed on her skin. It was time to get out. There might be something lurking in this water that she didn't want to run into. She gathered up her clothes and swam back to the bank. Her body shivered as soon as the wind hit her skin. She ringed the water from her hair and clothes and let herself dry off for a minute.
This is just exactly where she wanted to be today. Buck ass naked in the woods, with no one but Jacob Seed for company. This was her personal hell. She threw the shirt over her head. It went down to almost her knees. Jacob really was a big ass man. Wet patches formed on the shirt. Her nipples even poked through the fabric, visible for anyone to see.
"This is great… just great." She cursed to herself.
She stumbled back up the hill, trying her best not to trip on anything in the dim light. When she got back to the truck, the sight she saw shocked her. A bonfire was lit a few feet from the truck and a sleeping bag was spread out across the tailgate. What the hell? Jacob was leaning against the hood, talking to someone on the radio. It clearly wasn't Ramirez… his blood was still splattered all over the Chalet. There was no second-in-command in the Whitetails right now.
Liz laid her clothes out on the side of the truck. They might be dry by the time they left. Hopefully that would be sooner than later. When Jacob said he would get her out of there, she thought he meant back to the veteran's center. At least there were other people there, because out here in the woods… well anything could happen.
Her head perked up when she overheard something over the radio. She listened closer to eavesdrop in on their conversation.
'The shipments will are scheduled to be in by the 11th, so tomorrow sir.'
Did he say the 11th? Of July? That would mean today was… No... It couldn't be. That much time hadn't passed. It had been April or May when she had gotten here. Right? She tried to think back to a time before all of this shit and she couldn't come up with anything. This was her life now.
Jacob walked to the back of the truck. He stopped as soon as he saw her shivering form.
"You cold?" He asked.
She nodded her head. He opened the back door of the truck and tossed her a blanket. He sat down on the tailgate. Why he had all this shit in his truck was beyond her, but she didn't care. Right now it was useful.
"What day did he say it was?" She asked.
His head perked up from the fire. "What?"
"The man on the radio, he said tomorrow was the 11th. So that makes today the 10th right? July 10th?"
"Yeah why?"
That's exactly what she was afraid of. Today was that day. It couldn't be. This isn't where she wanted it to be. Head hung, she hopped up on the tailgate and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Tears formed in her eyes.
"Today's my 21st birthday."
Jacob's mouth fell open. He slowly stood up. "I'll be back."
He gave her once last glance before disappearing into the darkness of the woods. No. He couldn't leave her alone. She didn't want to be alone. Her breathing got heavy, the tears spilled over her cheeks. She buried her head into her knees.
This wasn't how her 21st birthday was supposed to go. She was supposed to be out with her friends, having the time of her life. That was a life that was long gone. And the crazy thing was that she didn't even remember what some of her friends looked like. Even their names had become foreign to her. That life wasn't a part of her anymore.
There was also this small part of her that wishes she could be with Eli right now. It had been a little less than a week since she had seen him last. She had yelled at him… She had told him that there was no way that they would ever be okay. It wasn't a lie, but it still hurt. In the past, Eli and her family would always make a big deal out of her birthday. It was essentially a week-long celebration. But now, for this birthday she stuck out in the woods with her worst enemy. She was also dripping wet and covered in bruises. And as far as she knew, this could probably be her last birthday. She had almost died today. She would have died if it wasn't for Jacob… and he had left her out in the woods by herself.
She didn't know how long her head stayed buried in her knees. It felt like ages for her. She shivered under the blanket and sniffled to herself.
"Hey sweetheart, what're those tears for?"
Her head perked up. She looked up at him with watery eyes and puffy cheeks. Jacob towered over her with a small smile on his face and a 6-pack of beer in his hand.
"But I… thought…"
"What were you thinking little lamb? That I was gonna' leave you out here alone, in the woods, on your birthday?"
She scoffed. "I wouldn't put it past you…" He had done worse things to her… If he had it wouldn't have been a surprise to her.
"Have a little faith in me darling, after all… I did save your life again today."
He sat down next to her. He was sitting close, a little too close than she was used to. He pulled out his knife and opened two bottles. He handed one to her.
"Thanks."
"To your 21st."
He raised his bottle up for a toast. The sound of their bottles touching was the only sound in the woods, except the crackling of the fire. Liz took a sip of her drink. It was warm and it was cheap beer. It was very disgusting. But it tasted much better than most of the shit she had recently.
"Oh, and I got you something else." He reached to his side and grabbed a black case. He set it in her lap.
"Open it."
She unlatched the case and looked inside. Her eyes widened. "Holy shit."
"You like it?"
"I love it."
Inside the case sat a silver 1911. It was covered in engravings and the Eden's Gate symbol was etched into the side. It was absolutely gorgeous. She took it out of the case and aimed it out into the distance. The gun was the right size for her and everything worked properly. This was the best birthday present she could have imagined.
"Thank you…"
"Welcome. I was gonna give it to you later, but now seemed like a good time."
"How long was this in your truck?"
He laughed. "Not very long. Figured it'd be perfect for you. Just please don't shoot me with it, sweetheart."
She gave him a big grin. "I make no promises."
"So that means you'll give me what a day, before you try to kill me again?"
There had been a million times that she wanted to kill him. One of those times had been recently. But no matter how many times she tried, she didn't have the heart to. She cared about him too much. She never thought that would have been possible but yet here she was.
"Nah. You're off the hook for now Seed. You should still watch your back though." She chuckled.
It felt amazing for her to laugh again. He was the only one that could make her do that nowadays. Only him… But he was also the only one that could piss her off so quickly. With the two of them, they could be happy one second and ready to fight the next. It's what kept them both constantly on their toes.
Another cold wind blew through the trees. Liz tensed up under the blanket. She tried to wrap it around her tighter, but it didn't help at all. Jacob gave her a look and set his hand on her waist. She scooted a little closer to him. She felt a little warmer. It was awkward but it was for… survival purposes of course. She stopped shivering. She even let herself lean her head so that it was on his shoulder. Once she did… those butterflies in her stomach came back again. Damn it.
"I, um never got to thank you for today. I'm sorry that I… let you down." He had no reason for saving her. She had looked weak in front of his men.
Jacob cupped her face so that she was looking at him. "I don't want to hear none of that shit. Okay? I don't care about that. No one is going to hurt you anymore."
"I know. Because… you're the only one that's protected me." She said.
For once in her life, she actually believed it. He had saved her today. Just like he had a million times before that. He was the only one that was able to. It just took her this long to finally see it.
She shifted, wincing when her leg moved under her. She really was beat to hell. The stitches in her leg were causing her a shit ton of pain. It had all been from that stupid bear. The attack wasn't that long ago, maybe a month or so. She wasn't sure. But it felt like it had been ages since they had gone to John's Ranch. That had been the night where she had kissed him on the cheek. She had felt like an idiot back then for it. But now… it just felt normal. Like it was something that was meant to happen.
"Hey um, can you take these stiches out of my leg? They're starting to piss me off."
He nodded. Liz scooted from his side. She let the blanket fall from her shoulders. The wind instantly made her shiver. She was still only dressed in his shirt.
Jacob had gotten up to get the medkit. The moment he saw her he stopped in his tracks. He was caught in a daze. She cleared her throat and he sat back down beside her. The last time that had happened he had been staring at the bruises he caused. When Liz looked down at her shirt she realized that this time he had definitely been staring at her chest. There were still wet patches that made to fabric cling to her form. Fantastic.
He was hesitant in touching her. He was looking for permission again.
"Dude, just do what have to. Stop treating me like I'm fragile." She said.
That was all he needed to do whatever the hell he wanted, and it showed. He wasted no time pushing her shirt up and pulling her leg into his lap. The wound on her leg was finally healed. The skin had turned a bright pink, which was a relief compared to all the bruises on her body. He went straight to work removing the stitches. It probably wouldn't be long before he had to remove the stitches from his own chest. Where she had stabbed him... She shook the though from her mind.
His hands were warm on her skin. They were gentle too. She hated herself that she was enjoying this.
"This isn't the 21st birthday I imagined you know."
His eyes stayed focused on her leg. "Oh yeah. What did you imagine?"
"I don't know. I always thought I'd wear something skimpy, get blackout drunk, and I don't know, make out with some guy. Who knows." Essentially, she had wanted to act like some slut, at least for one night. That wasn't who she was at all, but she just wanted to pretend. It was better than being treated like a little girl. But right now as she sat there, she'd take innocent little girl over ruthless killer.
He smirked at her comment. His hand ran further up her leg. It got all the way up to her hip. "Well I brought you alcohol, that shirt is pretty skimpy, and if you want someone to…"
"No." She spat. Blush accumulated on her cheeks. She pushed his hand back down her leg. That was not happening. They had hugged, that's it. Nothing more. His hands went back to work on the stitches.
She sighed. "Truth is though… I would give anything to be with my family again just one last time. My parents and my brother… they're all gone. I don't have anyone. Just Eli, and he hates me."
She didn't truly have anyone that was on her side. Except for maybe Jacob, but she still didn't know for sure where she stood with him.
"Hey… He doesn't hate you. You're impossible to hate." He said.
She smiled. "Thanks." He was wrong but it still made her feel better. There were a lot of reasons to hate her. She even hated herself. But she was still breathing, so that's all that really seemed to matter right now.
It didn't take him very long to take the stitches out. Even after he was done his fingers still rested on her thigh. A chill went down her body. No one had ever touched her like this. It terrified her. She quickly got up and walked to the other side of the fire.
"I'm sorry." He said.
She wrapped the blanket around her tight. "It's fine. I'm just a chicken about that shit."
Out of all the things he could have done, Jacob laughed. What the hell?
"I've seen you do a lot of shit Palmer. I've seen you swim across a frozen lake to run away, fight off a bear, and even strangle a man with your bare hands. But you're telling me the one thing that you're afraid of is sex?"
She scoffed. "I'm not afraid of sex. I'm afraid of feelings. There's a difference."
"Say whatever makes you feel better sweetheart. That's clearly not true though. This afternoon you fell into my arms, sobbed into my chest. Just admit it, you've got a soft spot for me little lamb."
Gosh he was such an asshole. She did care about him, but she didn't want him to actually know that. To her, feelings were supposed to be a secret. There was no point in having them if someone actually knew about them. She was always too afraid for someone to know. Too many bad things could happen if they knew.
But truthfully though, she could ramble on about love and feelings all she wanted. What really scared her was having sex.
"And what if I did? Wouldn't that make me weak? I thought the strong shouldn't care about others? The weak have no place in the new world. Right? That's what you taught me."
Jacob got up and approached her. He tried to place his hands at her sides but she swatted them away.
"Just because you have a partner, it doesn't make you weak." He said.
She scoffed. "Is that what we are now? Partners? I thought I was a trophy, only meant to taunt Eli. That's my only purpose."
That's all she was to him. That's all she would ever be. If her last name hadn't been Palmer, she would have been killed the first day she showed up in that cage. Both of their lives would have been simpler if she had been killed that day. That's what she wished would have happened. But that unfortunately wasn't the case for both of them.
"Is it impossible for you to be both?" He said.
"Yes! Yes it is. You can't respect your own prisoner. It doesn't work like that."
"Come on sweetheart. You know you're not a prisoner. I gave you the chance to leave today and you didn't take it. You stayed with me."
Liz slowly started to back away from him. Her feet were frozen in the cool grass but she didn't stop. With each step she took back, he took one towards her. She could easily take off into the woods, but that wouldn't do her any good. She didn't know where they were, didn't have any supplies, and she was dripping wet. Her only option was what was in front of her.
She continued to back up until her foot tripped over a tree branch. Her eyes widened. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins. In a split second, she would have fallen backwards into the fire. But she never did, because Jacob caught her before any harm befell her.
"If you almost get yourself killed again, I'm going to put you over my knee." He said.
"You wouldn't dare." She hissed.
"You want to find out?" His arms wrapped around her tighter. One of his hands even rested right above her butt.
The thought of her bent over while Jacob spanked her bare ass flashed through her mind. His hand was probably bigger than her entire ass. He'd enjoy it too. Knowing him he'd also try some other things... Oh god. That was the last thing she needed to be wondering about. She tried to push the thought from her brain.
"Let. Go." Liz squirmed against his chest but it was no good. He was a giant. There was no breaking loose of his hold. She was stuck.
"When are you going to stop fighting me?" He said.
When would she stop fighting? It was ingrained into her. She didn't hate him. She didn't. But past that, she wasn't sure. She wasn't how far her affection for him stretched. She wasn't sure what she wanted. Something between them would never work, but there was something there. There had been something there ever since she had kissed his cheek up on that balcony.
"Probably never." A small smile crossed her lips. They had started to get along better, but they would always bicker. It was inevitable.
"I have no doubt of that." He said.
Jacob looked at her like no one else ever had. He looked at her like she was special. Like she was the most precious thing in the world. She didn't know what to do with that, but she knew deep down it was something that she had always craved.
His hand moved to cup her face. "I'm going to try something. Please don't hit me again."
He leaned in close. Liz's heartbeat picked up. Her breathing grew heavy. Her skin got hot. Even heat began to form between her legs. This could not be happening. She slightly winced when his nose brushed against hers. Her nose wasn't completely healed. She put he hands on his chest to stop him. She was pretty sure she heard him growl out of frustration. He was still close though, so close…
She looked up at him, fingers shaking against his chest. She wasn't sure if it was the wind making her shake, or something else. "For your information, I'm not afraid of having sex."
"You're trembling." He said.
"I'm not trembling…"
Jacob pushed her hands aside and pulled her closer until his lips pressed against hers. She melted into his arms. This was better than she could have imagined. Her hands roamed over his chest and his beard tickled her chin. He wasted no time parting her lips with his tongue. She moaned against him.
His lips left hers. As soon as they did, she was craving his touch even more. She didn't want him to stop.
"Oh boy." She said.
He growled into her ear. "What was it you said? Not even if I was the last man on Earth."
That's what she had told him over the radio the day she had tried to run away. She had told him that she would never want him in that way. But yet, here she was out in the woods, in his arms, with a fire burning between her legs.
"Oh, just shut up." She said.
His tongue found its way down her throat once again. He devoured her, like a wolf would to its prey. He put his hands under her bare thighs and scooped her up off the ground. She weighed nothing to him, she was like a ragdoll in his hands. Her legs wrapped around her torso.
"Jacob!" She squealed.
He ignored her pleas and carried her all the way back to the truck. He laid her down on the sleeping bag and climbed over her. His mouth latched onto her neck and he planted kisses down it. His right hand began to trail up her leg. This time she didn't stop him. Her body still trembled all the same though.
Jacob pulled away for a minute. "You don't have to be afraid sweetheart. I've got you. Okay?" Her gave her a smile and kissed her cheek.
Her eyes grew wide when she felt his pants get tight. Oh no. He was clearly enjoying this as much as she was deep down. His hand traveled all the way up thigh. His fingers even brushed against hair until she pushed them away.
"Do you want me to stop?"
She took a minute to think about it. There were two options. She could push him off her, again. She could be afraid like she had always been. Or she could just admit what was there and roll with it. Anything that came after she could figure out later.
She took a deep breath and gave him a small smile. "I want you… to… get your fat ass off of me Seed." She chose once again to be afraid.
He sighed and climbed off of her. He propped himself up on his side. "Fine. You have to admit though, you do like kissing me."
"No I don't. I like it when you're not on top of me and I can breathe." She hummed.
He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. Words that would burn in the back of her mind for a very long time. "Then why was it wet between your legs?"
Oh shit. She punched him in the arm. "That was not because of you! I got in the lake remember?" It was because of him. It was. But she would never admit that.
"Mmm okay little lamb. I did hear you moaning for me. Are you sure you didn't want me to do something else?"
Her face got bright red. She had been moaning for him. When he kissed her, she had melted like putty in his hands. But that didn't meant that she should want it to continue. It would only cause more trouble. And she was still scared… It was clear by the way her hands shook. She was not going to sleep with him. That was not happening.
"Yes, I'm sure. You were crushing me anyw…"
He cupped her face and leaned in to give her another long, slow kiss. Liz felt her breath catch in her throat.
"Happy Birthday Ms. Palmer."
Jacob tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She'd never admit it to him, but being out here with him, she felt safe. She also felt kind of happy… just a little bit. No one else had ever made her feel this way.
It wasn't the 21st birthday she had imagined, but it certainly wasn't the worst. One of her birthday's she had gotten hit in the face with a softball. There had been a giant bruise on her face for two whole weeks. This birthday wasn't too terrible. There could be worse things. She could have been spending it with people who didn't truly trust her. But she was out here instead, laying in the arms of a man that she somewhat cared about. Everything else could be figured out later.
She had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling. "Why thank you Mr. Seed."
He leaned in to kiss her once again. She had this feeling that it wouldn't be the last time either.