9 Months to Live

Chapter 28.00000000001: RWBY takes Manhattan

AN: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bumblebee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bumblebee, of course, flies anyway because bumblebees don't care what humans think is impossible.

EDIT 4/any day after the first/2019 For those who could not tell, this is an April Fools gag again.

"Oscar...

Oscar…

OSCAR"

"You're not real, strange voice in head" Oscar stated calmly as he continued his work in the feeds, getting some of the weeds out of the coffee bean crops. He remembered the articles he read online during the part of the day the farm got wifi, and they mentioned that the best way to solve hearing voices is to acknowledge that they aren't real.

"I'm very real. Do you want the long story or the short story?"

"I get the distinct feeling I'm getting both either way."

"That's the spirit, young Oscar. My name… well, that's up for debate, but call me Oz for now. It all started about a thousand or so years ago, back when magic was real, and the gods still hung out with us mortals. However, that would all change when I met this fine young woman named Salem, and let me tell you know, don't ever start dating. Women are crazy."

"That's mildly sexest"

"Salem is semi responsible for the state of the moon and the grimm epidemic, and as the kids say it these days, was a thot. Long story short, I'm kind of a wizard who's deep inside of you, and will be rooming in your head and body."

"Wait, you mean that semblances aren't magic, but magic is, or was real, and some thousand year old woman is behind some of the world's biggest problems like the grimm and the faunus discrimination?"

"Well, not that last one. That might have been my bad. You recommend using faunus to mine dust due to their night vision and suddenly mass racism. Besides, I had to prevent furries from happening."

"What's a fu-"

"Don't ask." Oz deadpanned. "Now, I'm gonna need your body…"

"What? I'm not giving my body up to some old man!" Oscar said maybe a bit too loudly

"Oscar? Are you okay?" His aunt called out, looking at the boy with concern "you know it's okay to come to me for help, and you can always talk to me, right?"Oscar sputtered "What? Wait, do you mean-No not like that! I was talking about.."

"Come up with a good excuse. Have an old neighbor?"

"How I'm glad we don't have an old neighbors to molest me?" Oscar said weakly, and the farm boi could have sworn he heard a facepalm in his head.

His Aunt gave him the side eye "Okayyyyy…" She said slowly, before turning away and muttering "You could have had a normal child sis. I knew that wasn't birthing herbs you were smoking when you were pregnant with him."

"You are a sad confused child, and we're confronting my crazy ex… wife? Lover? Girlfriend? Reincarnation and soul merging makes for a confusing relationship."

"Wait, soul merging?""Oh, I forgot about that. Our souls will eventually merge into one, so we don't bicker as much"

"I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS!"

Honestly Oscar found he only had himself really to blame for the situation he found himself in, bound and gagged by tenderils of grimm as the tall mistress they answered to approached him.

He never should have listened to Ozpin, but this is what he got for taking advice from a voice in his head.

the grimm tendrils contorted tighter around his body, specifically around his groin. "My, My, Oz. Such a young, succulent...tight body you've chosen…" Salem purred in a sultry tone as she stroke the farm boi's chest with her cold nails, goosebumps springing up around his body."I need an adult" Oscar stuttered out, his levels of stranger danger reaching past nope.

"I am an adult" Both Oz and Salem spoke in unintentional union.