"Well, here we are again. Another year's passed. With no breaks or anythin', either."
Joseph sighed while rubbing the back of his head.
"Ya know, I was so hopeful and shit at the start. Maybe this year's gonna be good, ya never know. I lost count of how many times I almost died this year. I don't even think any of them were from monsters, either. Thinking about it, did I even fight any monsters? It feels like all I'm used for these days is fighting against aura users. Seriously, these guys are ruining everything. We even missed the fifth anniversary of the original story cause we were wrapped up fighting one."
He stopped complaining for a second to remind himself of what he was even talking about.
"So, in celebration of the new decade, celebration of hitting fifty chapters and celebration of our fifth anniversary, nothing will happen in this chapter. At all. We're taking a break."
"Wait, are ya sure about this?" Matt asked.
"Yeah, of course."
"All these things overlapping is something amazing, something we'll never get the chance for again… and we're just gonna spend the chapter doing nothing."
"Yeah. Just call it a special extravaganza bonus chapter or something, it fits. If we were in a different medium we'd be running a clip show, but I'll take what I can get."
"Like seriously, this feels wrong somehow."
"It's fine. At this rate of aura users appearing we'll probably all be dead before the next milestone anyways, so who cares?"
"Don't say things like that so casually, idiot." Vert complained. "Well, changing the subject off that… have we even got any idea what to do? We've gotta stall until we're at normal chapter length somehow."
"I dunno, just talk or something."
"I've got a question." Natasha announced "So remember Ed's flashback?"
"What about it, mortal?"
"Remember what Callum used? That was super cool. Why hasn't he used it after that?"
"Ah yes, now I recall. That technique was indeed impressive, which does raise the question as to why thou hast never utilised it since. Speak, fool, before I burn your tongue off."
"What are ya talking about? That never happened, ever. Ed's just an unreliable narrator."
"Dude, ya can't lie to us." Ben pointed out.
"...I was tryna make it work, but I just couldn't complete it."
"Wait, why?"
"Can't stick the landing. Every time I just crashed. I tried sticking my blades into the ground but that just dulled them, so…"
Silence filled the room until Ben went "So basically ya just spent three years on nothing."
"...Pretty much. Now can we talk about somethin' else?"
Matt tried to think of something to help.
"Hey, what happened to character profiles?"
A confused silence.
"...Oh yeah, those." Zach realised "Yeah… they got dropped cause they didn't really fit the arc, but then the author just couldn't be bothered and stopped including them altogether."
"Weren't they already written?"
"Yeah."
Feeling the need to cover for the one self-inserting using him, Joseph changed the subject quickly.
"So anyways, what's the deal with white hair? I mean, those guys are always crazy."
Terrence looked down awkwardly.
"Ah, sorry. Though actually I'm not completely wrong. Still, the problem's more with the guys with frozen in their title. Now that I think about it, what's up with two guys with white hair both having frozen in their title? Seems kinda boring..."
He realised he'd achieved the exact opposite effect of what he wanted, so he changed his own subject this time
"So anyways, that's only weird cause there isn't many titles, so uh…" He turned his head "Hey Josh, what's up with those?"
"Titles?"
"Yeah. How come only a few of ya get them?"
"Cause they're for really famous hunters."
"Well that's bullshit, so let's give ourselves titles, right now."
"Wait, how are we gonna decide those?"
"What about a vote?" Zach suggested.
"Sure."
They went through the group one at a time, with the others writing down suggestions.
The final results were:
Zach Gilmore
Afro
Ben Gilmore
Violent
Callum Gilmore
Screentime deprived
Riko Ford
Hollow
Alexandra Harrison
Serious
Sean Lowe
Greedy
Alicia Diaz
Scary
Mattias Griffin
Normal
Lyra Windgralde
Ephemeral phantom thief of the witching hour
Shoot Windgralde
Overprotective
Natasha Holystone
Violent 2
Natalie Holystone
The coolest one
Terrence Gandor
Nice
Vert Blank
Violent 3
Edward Demonlord
Delusional
Joshua Lawson
Suspicious
Joseph Gilmore
Self-insert
"How the hell did Lyra end up winning most of them?" Ben asked.
"Every action I took was calculated to gain the maximum number of votes possible." Lyra bragged "There wasn't even the slightest amount of wasted effort in the name selection process."
"Get off yer high horse, it's not like ya won everything." Zach pointed out.
"Yeah…" Natalie murmured, failing to hide her mix of embarrassment and happiness that the title Natasha had chosen for her had won.
"This result is unacceptable." Ed lamented "Only one of my titles was elected? Blasphemous, you shall all be unprepared for the end."
"The people have spoken. My names are better."
"The voice of the masses is irrelevant, all you did was reduce them to their most basic traits. That is not true creativity, so your victory is null."
"Get good."
"You really did lean into the whole no wasted effort thing, huh?" Vert grumbled "How come you used violent three times? And why am I the third violent one!? Am I not good enough to be the first!?"
"It's because ya were the third one in the list, obviously." Alicia pointed out "More importantly than that, why did I end up with scary? Shouldn't it be something more like pure maiden? How can ya look at me and decide on scary?"
No one answered that. Alicia retained her expression of dissatisfaction. Several minutes passed.
Callum found a way to change the subject. "Now that I think about it… Alexandra, Anthony, Riko. You guys haven't said anything in a while, huh?"
"Oh, you just noticed?" Anthony asked, somewhat annoyed "We've been pushed to the side for ages now. Seriously, it's been ten chapters since we've gotten anything other than a cameo!"
"It doesn't matter that much, right? I mean, I don't really wanna go through more development, it's usually painful. I'm good with what I've got."
"Yeah, but not all of us have completed character arcs to go off, you know? Seriously, what's going on? We were all introduced at the start, but here we are with the others getting favoured over us now."
"At least you guys got development at some point…" Callum muttered.
"You got a prosthetic arm."
"Losing an arm isn't development!"
"It's better than nothing!" Riko yelled back.
Realising that this was making the writing look bad again, Joseph cut in. "Oh yeah, Josh. Weren't we meant to work out a name for my aura ability?"
"Hmm… well I dunno. Isaac was always the one naming things, I'm not that good at it."
"Figures, the guy seemed edgy enough for it. Still… how about aura cut?"
"That's terrible." Ben protested.
"Then what have ya got?"
"...Big slash."
"...Seriously? That's basically the same."
"No. It has slash instead of cut. So it's better."
"I don't get that but putting that aside why'd ya remove the aura part. It's made of aura. Shouldn't it have aura in the name?"
Ed interrupted with "Thousand blade void!"
Lyra pushed him out of the way "No, just go with blade."
"Neither of those are good."
"I'm officially the best namer. Just roll with it. It's easy to remember and distinct."
"Yeah, but just saying blade every time I use it would get boring fast."
"Why do you have to say it every time?" Alexandra asked.
"Cause it's cool."
"It'd just be a waste of time and breath."
"You don't get it, some things ya just gotta sacrifice to be cool."
"I can't remember Josh's group doing that all though."
"Our ability names were our codenames, so we didn't have to."
"...Wait, Isaac's ability was called Judge?" Zach asked "Shouldn't it have been something more to do with fire?"
"Well the full name was Judgement Flame. It just got shortened to Judge so he could say it quicker."
"Figures…"
"Well while he might've been a crazy murderer, I'm forced to admit that he didn't have that bad of a naming sense."
"Ed please shut up." Callum replied, lifting his prosthetic arm.
"Sorry."
Joseph looked up. "I'm calling it mountain slash."
"That name sucks." Ben argued.
"I'm the one using it, I don't care."
"Why would ya even call it that?"
"...Cause it can cut through mountains."
"Ya never did that."
"Yeah but like… it can cut through anything. So it can probably cut through a mountain."
"Ya know how big a mountain is right?"
"Yeah of course but if I just keep hitting it I'll get through eventually."
"That goes for any weapon!"
"Mine does it faster!"
"Ya haven't even tried it!"
"Shut up, cool names don't have to make sense."
"But this isn't a cool name."
"Coolness is in the eye of the user."
A long pause when the group realised there was nothing left to talk about.
"So on that note, we're outta time. By which I mean we're out of ideas. Terrence, give the readers important advice."
"On what?"
"The first thing ya think of."
"...Don't eat food you find on the ground."
TO BE CONTINUED
Here I am again, doing another author's note for the first time in a while. I've honestly forgotten how to do these because of how long it's been. I'm surprised this thing has even lasted five years. Like it just started from 12 year olds thinking "Hey wouldn't it be cool if you could ride monsters in monster hunter?"
Still, if I'm lucky this is the final year I'll spend writing this story. Though maybe not because there's still a lot left to cover. So I guess I'll die.
Regardless of whether I'll be free soon or not, if you're reading then thanks for reading so far.
Also I'm putting the character profiles I haven't posted yet here since I mentioned them before.
Sean Lowe:
Height: 178 cm
Weapon: HBG
Monster: Azure (A. Rathalos)
Age: 25
Place of origin: Yukumo Village
Hair colour: Black
Eye colour: Green
Alicia Diaz:
Height: 168 cm
Weapon: LBG
Monster: Ayano (P. Rathian)
Age: 25
Place of origin: Yukumo Village
Hair colour: Light pink
Eye colour: Brown
Mattias Griffin:
Height: 174 cm
Weapon: MBG
Monster: Klaus (Diablos)
Place of origin: Yukumo Village
Age: 25
Hair colour: Brown
Eye colour: Brown
Terrence Gandor:
Height: 172 cm
Weapon: Bow
Monster: Demi (Kecha Wacha)
Place of origin: Pokke Village
Age: 17
Hair colour: Silver
Eye colour: Green
Natasha Holystone:
Height: 168 cm
Weapon: Charge Blade
Monster: Aki (Brachydios)
Place of origin: Aya country
Age: 22
Hair colour: Bright red hair
Eye colour: Grey
Natalie Holystone:
Height: 168 cm
Weapon: Hunting Horn
Monster: Frega (Qurupeco)
Place of origin: Aya country
Age: 22
Hair colour: Bright blue hair
Eye colour: Grey
Lyra:
Height: 172 cm
Weapon: Insect Glaive
Monster: Chante (Malfestio)
Place of origin: Windgralde
Age: 21
Hair colour: Black
Eye colour: Hazel
Shoot:
Height: 102 cm
Weapon: Palico weapons
Place of origin: Windgralde
Age: 38
Fur colour: Black
Eye colour: Blue
Vert:
Height: 171 cm
Weapon: Tonfas
Monster: Seregios
Age: 23
Hair colour: Blonde
Eye colour: Green
Edward Demonlord:
Height: 173 cm
Weapon: Sword and Shield
Monster: Revelation beast(Yian Garuga)
Place of origin: Dundorma
Age: 20
Hair colour: Black
Eye colour: Red
Joshua Lawson:
Height: 159 cm
Weapon: Scythe
Monster: Frost (Barioth)
Place of origin: Kotoko
Age: 27
Hair colour: Black
Eye colour: Black