For the past half hour, Faith had told Liz the story of how the bliss came to be. Except, it wasn't the fairy tale that was told to the regular Peggies. This story was real and filled with truth. There was always more to this woman that met the eye. She was secretly some type of genius. She continued to impress Liz every day that they were together.
Nothing had happened after that day she woke up for the first time. That had been almost two days ago. Liz had tried to bring up what she remembered, but Faith had no knowledge of it. Eventually she concluded that she made the kiss up. It wasn't surprising. She had been pretty fucked up and on a million drugs. Her mind had gone to some crazy places recently.
She thought of Jacob often. She had asked Faith a few days ago if she had talked to him but didn't press the issue further. He probably had to fix her error at the outpost. More so, she thought of the Whitetails. Mainly what was going to happen after the stunt in the woods. She had shot Wheaty, there was no redemption from that. The Whitetails would come for her eventually. But she was the one who had the upper hand. She knew where the Wolf's Den was, and exactly how to find the Deputy. She would be able to get her revenge on him.
Faith touched her shoulder, breaking her out of a daze. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry. What were you saying?"
Faith talked more about her addiction, and how that was what inspired the bliss. She had once lived in Jessop Conservatory. That's where the main productions come from now. She also didn't say it, but Liz picked up that she liked talking about her past when she was once known as Jessop. It was the side that she only showed to Liz. She treasured that small fact.
The two women walked beside the water next to the church. The shore she stood on she once jumped off into the cold water. That seemed like so long ago. That night she had been so alone and afraid. At the time, her plan had been to find the Whitetails. Who knew that they would not be her salvation but her destruction? Liz was fully with Eden's Gate now, whether she liked it or not.
The wind that carried across the water made Liz shiver. She wore the same blue dress from her first night at the ranch. Faith had fetched it for her. It was comforting to be wearing something familiar. But it didn't compensate for her unease about her ear. She was completely deaf on her left side.
The wind also made her a little unbalanced. Her stance was a little wider than it used to be. It was reassurance the she didn't fall over like some fool. Liz didn't realize how important ears were until she lost one. It was something that she still wasn't used to. Faith had managed to stay on her right side every day, but it didn't help that much. It made everything in that ear even louder, almost uncomfortable at time. It was worse when the wind was loud as it was now. It howled past her and the roar bounced around in her remaining ear.
The loss of her body part wasn't the only thing on her mind. The image of her bald head was still burned into her brain. As well as the gruesome scar that could rival any one of Jacob's. she hadn't looked in a mirror again since she first found out.
Liz never thought of herself as beautiful. She'd always been too small or too young to be considered anything less than a child. Now, with her bald head she wasn't anything close to beautiful. But deep down she didn't feel ugly. Her looks didn't bother her that much anymore. Her bald head though, was a reminder that she had failed. It was something that weighed on her every day, and probably would for a long time.
She was still tuned out from Faith's story when she felt another presence by the water.
"Am I interrupting something ladies?"
Liz turned from the shore to see Jacob walking towards them. She had expected to see disappointment in his eyes, but there was something else. He looked happy, happy to see her. He also looked very, very nice. She didn't find herself checking Jacob out often, but he sure looked good when she did.
Gone was his army jacket and in its place was a brown canvas jacket with a fur collar. His rifle was slung over his back. The jacket almost looked like it was made from a deer hide. Maybe he had killed it recently. Either way, he sure looked hot in it.
Like damn, she thought.
"Jacob…" She said.
Faith clued in that it was her time to leave. She pulled Liz into a tight hug.
"Thank you." Liz said. Faith gave her one last smile before leaving. It was just her and Jacob now. For some reason, she was terrified to see him again.
"New jacket?" She asked.
He shrugged and pointed to her. "Same dress?"
"Yeah well, I kind of like it. Faith got it back for me. And hey I thought you said you liked it on me?"
He probably hadn't said that at the ranch that night. They still didn't know each other that well then. The details were fuzzy though. It had been so long ago.
Jacob came closer until he was right next to her. He also rolled his eyes. "So, my sister has been a bad influence on you huh? And of course, I like it." He smirked. That was the first time that he'd referred to Faith as his sister. She thought that he didn't like the woman. Maybe had had a change of heart when he saw how she treated Liz. Either way, it made Liz happy. But only for a moment.
The smile on her face faded. "I thought you wouldn't want to see me…"
"What the hell would give you that idea, Palmer?"
She shook her head. "Because I failed. The Deputy bested me…"
The thought of what happened didn't make her sad, it made her angry. She was pissed at the Deputy and at herself. Jacob gently grabbed her hand. There are few times that he'd done that before, especially out in the open. It didn't sit right with her.
"You didn't fail me."
She snatched her hand away. "Really Jacob? Of course, I failed you! Just look at me!"
She gestured to her head. Everything about the way she looked was now a reminder of that night. The scar down the side of her face was even more gruesome than any of his own. That didn't even count the loss of her ear. She was truly an ugly sight to look at. No one was ever going to find her beautiful, not even Jacob.
"The outpost is secure, the rebels fled, and you're alive. That's what matters."
"But your music box…" She honestly didn't care that the horrific contraption was gone. It still had been important to him though. If it was important to Jacob, it was important to her. And he had given it up for her.
"It doesn't matter. I have other ways." He said.
Of course, he did. It made sense. He had a million speakers around the Veteran's Center and trucks fitted with the same equipment. He didn't need the box, he never did. Maybe his grand gesture to save her life wasn't so grand after all.
'No'. She reminded herself. He looked weak in front of the Deputy for her. That was no small act. He had reasons for it that she still didn't understand.
"What happened to the Deputy?" Her hand curled into a fist. She would get revenge for what he did to her. She wouldn't let him get away with it.
"He slipped away before I could get you evacuated. My men searched for him but didn't find anything."
That was typical Peggies. Liz never understood how they could be trained by Jacob every day, but still end up being worthless.
"Sounds like you need better men." She whispered.
Liz stepped closer to the shore. She clutched her arms to her chest. The water lapped at her shoes. It was warmer than it had been the night she jumped in. She would have never guessed that she would be standing on this bank with him weeks later, willingly. The water helped calm her, at least a little bit.
"I've been trying to recruit the best man of all, but she's too damn stubborn…"
She shook her head. "Yeah sure…"
"What's wrong Palmer?" He asked.
A million thoughts ran through her mind. There were so many things wrong but the worst one was that she was with the Peggies and wanted to be there. Jacob was being sweet to her, almost too sweet. It all just seemed like a trick, as if someone were going to quickly pull the rug out from under her.
"Why didn't you just let me die? Compassion is weakness, right? That's what you taught me." She kept her eyes on the water.
Jacob slowly walked up behind her. "There's some things more important than pride."
She scoffed. "What, like me? You love me or something?"
It was a strong accusation to throw out there and most likely a false one. Jacob had never loved anyone except his brothers. Any love past that would make him weak, and a hypocrite. Deep down she knew that whatever was between them wasn't love. He had hurt her, abused her. That wasn't the qualities she was looking for in a man. Still, she found herself always going back to him. He gave her a sense of power and respect. She was stuck with him and even cared about the damn bastard.
He placed his hand on the small of her back. "You've always been my ally, Palmer. You've stuck with me longer than anyone else. If anything were to happen to you…"
She spun to face him, swatting his hands away once again.
"If what were to happen to me? If I died, life would go on for you! I have no place here. Maybe it'd be better if I was dead."
Liz strode away from the water and didn't look back. She shouldn't be fighting with him, but she was. It was an instinct every time she saw him. She just wished she were dead. It would be easier on everyone.
"Little lamb…"
She was not going to give in to that nickname. She sprinted away from the shore. Footsteps followed her. She didn't stop until she was back in her cabin. Jacob's foot stopped the door before she could slam it shut. He didn't flinch at the obstacle in his way and barged inside.
"You're not allowed to pull this on me again."
"Why not? It always goes like this. Every time we have a simple conversation, we fight. Because there is always something to fight about with you."
It happened not too long ago at the Ranch. Every time it was just little things that set it off. It seemed like the fighting was inevitable.
"Who starts them most of the time?"
She growled and clenched her teeth. Damn him. "Doesn't matter."
Jacob took a step towards her. She stood her ground. He didn't intimidate her anymore. At least, most of the time. This being one of those times. His hands landed on her hips.
"Sure it doesn't, Palmer. Why this time though?" His eyes searched her face for answers. She knew what he was asking without him speaking. Why was she fighting him after he's given up so much for her? He hadn't approached her this morning with hostility, so she shouldn't be giving it in return. She needed to just tell him the truth, even if it terrified her.
"I- I was- am still scared that you're going to get rid of me after what happened. I failed as a soldier and as your… friend."
Friend wasn't exactly the right word to describe the two of them. It's the only word she had the stomach to say out loud though. Anything else seemed wrong.
Jacob's hands moved to her face. Those hands had once wiped away her tears but not this time. Liz was done crying, for good. She still found comfort though in his embrace.
"Liz, you're my partner. Nothing is going to change that okay?"
She searched his eyes looking for any trace of a lie but found none. Jacob wasn't going to get rid of her, they were partners after all.
"Okay."
Liz sought his embrace. She immediately felt safe when his arms wrapped around her. This is how it was supposed to be between them.
She slightly winced at the pressure on her shoulder, so Jacob broke away. He walked over to sit on the bed and patted the spot beside him. There was no telling what he truly wanted from her. Despite being afraid to find out, she sat down next to him.
"I was scared for you that night Liz. I thought you were going to die. The Deputy had you pinned. You were bleeding out in front of me and there was nothing I could do. If the Deputy had killed you, I would have made that bastard suffer…"
Her eyes grew wide. Jacob had never admitted that he was scared before, especially not to her. She had always thought he was immune to fear. But it seemed that the soldier continued to surprise her.
She gently grabbed his hand. "Well it's a good thing that didn't happen. Because I would like in on making the Deputy suffer."
They both chuckled. She loved it when he smiled. It didn't happen often. But when it did, she treasured the moment. Liz leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss. It had been so long since she'd kissed him. She hated how much she had missed it.
He equally returned the favor. His hands caressed her form. This is how it was supposed to be between them. Not the fighting and the yelling. But the gentleness that they often shared. Even at the times when they were first together, like at that first night at the ranch. She had kissed his cheek that night. And now she had done a lot more than that with him.
Liz was the first to break away.
"I don't know why you even want to kiss me. I'm not beautiful anymore." She shrugged. It was true. She didn't know a man alive that would want to be with an ugly, scarred woman. Not even Jacob Seed…
Jacob though, gently cupped her hands and shook his head. "You're right Liz. You're not beautiful anymore. But that doesn't matter. You look like a warrior and you are one. Looking beautiful is overrated. And no matter what you look like, it doesn't change the way I feel about you."
"How do you feel about me?" She asked. His actions had often showed something, but he never spoke of it.
He sharply inhaled. "I- care for you very deeply. And I promise you that I will not let you get hurt again."
Liz's heart felt as if it would beat out of her chest. This had never happened to her before in her life. Back in the real world all her partners were shallow and didn't care for her. Jacob though… was looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world. And she didn't know what to do with that.
She gripped his hands tighter. "Good. I feel safe when I'm with you and I trust you. And you're the only person that has ever believed in me. No one else has placed so much respect in me before. Sometimes- a lot of the time I don't even know what to do with it."
"Just gotta accept it little lamb. There's a whole lot to respect." He shrugged.
Just like that, his lips were on her again. He gently laid her back onto the bed and climbed over her. She wasn't complaining at all but was still surprised. He wasn't put off by her new appearance at all.
His hands started to wander. First up her leg all the way up to her chest. She didn't have a whole lot going on up there, but Jacob still grasped at whatever he could get his hands on. Liz wasn't wearing a bra but could feel everything. Her nipples quickly grew hard to his touch.
"Mmm already? I haven't even done anything yet." Jacob purred.
"Oh hush."
She tried to reach up to cradle his face but couldn't. She hissed in pain instead. Even though the bullet was gone, the wound on her shoulder still burned. It made it difficult to move her arms that way.
"Are you okay little lamb?"
She nodded. "Yeah. Just get off me please. My shoulder still hurts."
"Alright." He climbed off her and laid at her side. He bent down and kissed her forehead, right where her hair should have been. The gesture was sweet, but her head was spinning as well. Probably due to her lack of an ear. Her balance had been off for the past few days. She was more injured than she liked to admit.
"I'm sorry…" She whispered. There was another perfect moment, that was ruined by her. She really did have a habit of it.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm just glad you're okay." His fingers brushed across her cheek.
Jacob got up from the bed and grabbed a bag off the ground. "I got a few things for you."
He dropped it on the bed. Liz found herself scrambling up, eager to see what was in it. She let out a small wince due to sitting up so fast. She didn't care though. She looked up at him, much like a child seeking permission.
He gave her a nod. The first thing she got her hands on was an outfit. It was another Chosen outfit. It was different than the last one though. It was absolutely beautiful. The outer jacket was black and white camo. The undershirt was a deep grey and the letters P.E.G. were written down the sleeve. And the Kevlar vest had an American flag patch on it, but the Eden's Gate symbol was in the middle. It was perfect for her. The dark ensemble looked like something that a right-hand woman would wear. That seemed to be her role now.
"Where'd you get this?"
He shrugged. "We have a guy."
"The Seeds have a personal tailor?" She asked.
"Something like that."
Liz giggled. The idea seemed silly, but it made sense. Someone had to be responsible for making the Chosen look good. She would like to meet the person behind it all one day.
The next thing in the bag made her smile even bigger. It was a black baseball cap with the Eden's Gate logo on the brim. To replace the one that she lost. She immediately put it on.
"How do I look?"
Jacob smiled as well. "Perfect."
The last thing in the bag of goodies was her old iPod. The one that Wheaty had given to her in the Wolf's Den. Her smile faltered when she thought of him. That night came back to her more clearly. She had shot Wheaty, almost killed him in the process. She only hoped that he was alright. Liz shook the thoughts from her head. This moment was about her and Jacob. She didn't need to mess it up any further.
"Where did you find this?" She asked.
"In my truck. You sure are great at losing stuff."
She rolled her eyes. He wasn't wrong though. "Well, thank you for everything Jacob. I really appreciate it."
"I never said I was done." He reached into the back waistband of his jeans and pulled out her gun. Liz found herself feel safer for some reason at the sight of it. She had thought it would have been lost forever. The bat she had made was also sitting in the corner of the room.
"Wow… you went and fetched these for me?"
He nodded. "Of course. If they're important to you, it's important to me. And besides, I couldn't leave you undefended."
Liz smirked. "I think you know I don't need that to be deadly."
It had been proven many times before what she could do with a knife. She had even cut Jacob open with his own knife. A scar that wouldn't be healing anytime soon unfortunately.
"Oh, I know that little lamb. But still, it doesn't hurt."
"No, it doesn't…" She agreed.
A glimpse of sunlight caught in the window and glared into her eyes. The sun was setting. That was quick. Liz was quick to realize that the day went by pretty fast if you slept for half of it.
Jacob cleared his throat. "It's getting pretty late and you need to rest, so I'll leave you to it…"
He placed the gun on the nightstand and headed towards the door.
"Jacob, wait. Will you please stay with me?" The words slipped out so easily. It's not like they hadn't stayed together before. But it was still nerve racking every time it happened.
"Of course." He stripped his jacket and shoes and gently sat on the bed. He pointed at her own shoes. The boots she wore certainly looked a little awkward with the dress.
"You want me to…"
Liz nodded. He pulled the boots off and tossed them on the floor. He also gathered up the items he'd given her and placed them with the pile. He immediately flocked to her, clearly seeking some comfort of his own. He wrapped an arm around her waist, being careful to avoid her shoulder. It still hurt a tiny bit, but she'd rather just have Jacob with her. She felt safer when she was in his arms.
Liz still clutched the iPod in her hand. She had really missed this thing. It was something else that gave her comfort. She flipped to a song and handed one of the earbuds to Jacob. He gave her a puzzled look but took it anyway, so they could both listen.
'I was a little too tall could have used a few pounds
Tight pants points hardly renown'
'She was a black-haired beauty with big dark eyes
Points of her own settin way up high'
She laid her head back on Jacob's shoulder. They both ended up sinking further into the bed. He pulled a blanket around them.
'And we'd steal away every chance we could
To the backroom, to the alley, or the trusty woods'
'I used her, she used me, but neither one cared
We were gettin our share'
Liz and Jacob had used each other, over and over again. It didn't make it right, but it happened. Nothing could take it back. They were together now. That's the only thing that mattered. Everything else could be figured out later.
'Workin on our night moves
Tryin to lose the awkward teenage blues'
'Workin on our night moves'
In Jacob's arms, Liz closed her eyes. It was probably the safest she felt since coming to Hope County. Before she almost drifted asleep, she heard something. It was a whisper that she wasn't meant to hear.
"Sweet dreams, little lamb."