The sunrises in Hope County would always be the most beautiful thing Liz had ever seen. She hadn't appreciated them until recently though. Back when she was younger, she never paid attention to things like this. She had been more focused on trivial things. Now, every sunrise was a gift. It meant she got to keep fighting another day.
Last night was probably one of the best she had with Jacob, which was saying something. Their fight hadn't lasted long. That was likely a new record for them.
Liz had woken up before Jacob. That didn't happen often, but he looked so peaceful curled up in that small bed. That peace only came when she was around him. Besides, there was something she needed to do. Jacob didn't need to be here for it.
She was with Eden's Gate, fully. She didn't plan on going back to the rebels. But she still hadn't cut ties with an important someone. If he didn't know of her betrayal now, he probably would soon. But if he hadn't, it was better that it came from her. She pulled out her radio.
"I hope you haven't forgotten about me." She released the button and patiently waited for a response.
Liz felt like she could barely breathe. Could he even hear her? It was likely he stopped using this frequency, especially if he already knew. There could be a team of rebels already on their way to hunt her down. The Whitetails were crafty, or at least the Deputy was. Liz wasn't ready for another throw-down with him.
Static came over the radio. She sharply inhaled.
"I could never forget about you." Eli said.
Her hand clutched at the radio. She found her eyes dashing around, checking to see if anyone was watching her. But no one was. The Peggies were milling about not paying attention to her up in the lookout tower. Good. Her elbows dug into the railing to steady herself.
"Why? Because we're family?" She scoffed.
"I don't think we're family anymore, Liz"
Liz felt her heart drop. That's what he thought of her? After everything they've been through together? The reason behind the call quickly slipped from her mind. This new reality had set in for her. Eli was leading a war. He wasn't going to tolerate anyone that stood against him, even if they shared blood.
"You're right we're not." Her teeth clenched.
She heard Eli sigh. "The Deputy told me what happened. I'm… honestly surprised you're even alive."
Once again, there he went doubting her. Liz had told him of all the things she had done to survive but he had never once believed in her. Only Jacob had.
"Well it's gonna take a lot more than a dumbass in a cowboy hat to kill me…" The events from that night flashed through her mind. The most prominent being the boy that had been bleeding out in her arms. "Is Wheaty alive?"
"Yes he's still breathing, no thanks to you. But it'll be a miracle if he ever walks again."
That wasn't surprising. The bullet she had placed in him hadn't been strategic but had still been accurate enough to cause damage. The damage in his midsection might have severed his spinal cord. She couldn't help but feel remorse for the pain that she had caused him. Wheaty didn't deserve that.
"Please tell him… that I'm sorry. I didn't mean for him to get caught up in this." Wheaty was the only one who would get that courtesy.
"I think it's better if you don't talk to him… Anything else you're sorry about?" Eli asked.
So, that's how it was going to be. Eli hadn't done anything except distrust her this entire time. Maybe he had been smart to do it. But it was that behavior that had driven her away in the first place. The last thing she was going to do is beg for his forgiveness. This wasn't confession with John fucking Seed.
"Not a damn thing." She hissed.
"Then I guess there's nothing else I can do. I've always loved you as my own daughter, Lizzie. But you've made your choice. I won't defend you anymore."
"You have never defended me!" Her voice strained. She had to fight back tears from coming to her eyes. "Every moment I was with the Whitetails all you did was doubt me. I remember the whispers about me, everyone called me a Peggie a freak! You didn't trust me even when I needed you the most. He… he broke me. There's no coming back from what I've done. I know that now."
There was no need for her to clarify who he was.
"I'm sorry that all this has happened to you, Liz. But you're wrong. I've done everything I could to defend you. Your first night in the Wolf's Den, Jacob contacted me. He said if I gave you back to him, he would have released every Whitetail prisoner he had. He also gave a similar offer to the Deputy. We both told him no. Now I can't help but think maybe I'd be better off if I had taken the deal."
Liz didn't know what to think of that. Jacob had wanted her back. During that time, she thought he had hated her. The sacrifice Eli had made by not giving her up was for nothing now.
"Maybe you would be. That's not my problem though. I did what was best for me! I hope one day you can understand that." She said. She truly hoped that he would at least see her reasoning behind it. The Whitetails would have never accepted her. It was better this way.
"I won't. Jacob Seed is a cruel, sick man. He's hurt so many people in this county. He's hurt you! I don't know how you could trust anyone like that."
"It's not about trust. It's more than that."
"Then what is it about?" He asked.
There were so many things that she just couldn't tell him. Despite the pain they had caused one another, the connection they shared was inexpiable. It had been there ever since he saved her at the Chalet. Being with him just made sense to her, even if they fought all the time.
"Jacob respects me. He's given me a chance to be something more, something greater. He believed in me when you didn't. And he's saved my life more times than I can count."
The other night included. The Deputy would have blown her brains out if it weren't for Jacob. If it had been Eli in that position, he wouldn't have done a damn thing. He's have just let her die.
Eli sighed again. "So, is this just about him? Or do you actually believe all of the Peggie bullshit."
"This is about me! I will do whatever it takes to survive. Even if means killing every Whitetail I come across, that includes you…"
That was the coldest thing she had ever said to Eli. There was no taking it back, but she didn't care. He meant nothing to her. Eli was her enemy now.
"Then I guess there's nothing else to say. I loved you Liz… And I will always cherish the time I had with my niece. But I'm afraid you're not her anymore. Goodbye…"
A clicking sound came over the radio. The red light turned off. He had tuned out. That was the last thing she would ever say to her uncle, the man who she had been named after. He was gone forever. It had been the right thing to do… but something inside her snapped. She had no blood relations anymore.
Liz cocked her arm but immediately her shoulder hitched. She cried out in pain. The radio fell from her hands. Fuck the Deputy for making her this way. Her foot slammed onto the radio. A large crack formed across the screen. Her foot slammed into it two more times until it shattered into pieces. Good. She didn't need the temptation to try to talk to Eli anymore.
A low growl escaped her throat. She needed to get out of here and do… something. She didn't know yet. But whenever things got tough, this was usually the time she ran away. While it usually didn't work when she ran away, she didn't really care. She eyed the drop from the lookout tower. It wasn't too far. She could easily climb down the building next to her, but it just didn't seem like the right thing to do.
Liz leaped off the platform. She sunk through the air, feeling confident in her abilities. That was until her messed up balance threw her off again. She landed ungracefully on her hands and knees. Her hat flopped onto the ground in front of her. She let out a small hiss.
"Ow."
Last week she would have stuck that landing perfectly. But now, her lack of a fucking ear had to mess everything up. She placed the hat back on her head.
She still wasn't comfortable about the way she looked. Over the past few days, she found herself brushing hair out of her face that didn't exist. It had always gotten caught in the wind, but now there was nothing. She hadn't looked in the mirror either. Jacob had reassured her again last night that he didn't care how she looked. Liz cared though. It was hard being an ugly woman in her twenties. But there were some things more important than beauty right now. She needed to remember that.
Liz sat in the dirt. That hadn't been a good idea. Nor had been smashing her radio. But she just couldn't help it when she lost control sometimes. She still wasn't over what Eli had said.
"Was there any reason you did that, little lamb?"
A small smile formed on her lip despite her efforts to fight it. Even Jacob's voice always found a way to calm her down.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time." She said.
Jacob jogged until he caught up with her. He worse the same brown jacket from yesterday and his hair was a little out of place. He had likely bolted out of bed when he realized she was gone. This time she hadn't planned on leaving him though.
"You in a hurry to get somewhere?"
The tilt of his head implied if she was going to betray him. She shouldn't be upset that he thought that. It certainly had happened before.
She gave him a small smile. "Ya know… I just needed to clear my head. Jumping off things always seemed to do the trick."
Jacob extended his hand and pulled her onto her feet. She clutched at her arm. Jumping definitely hadn't been a good idea. Jacob placed an arm around her waist to steady her.
"Let's go for a walk."
"Okay." She nodded.
They walked along the edge of the water. His hand stayed on her waist. Her eyes glanced behind her to see if there were any soldiers watching them, but once again there were none. She should have known. Jacob wouldn't be this gentle around her if someone was going to catch them.
"You sleep okay?"
She gave him a puzzled look. She couldn't recall the last time he had asked her something like that, or if ever. It just seemed too domestic to come out of Jacob Seed's mouth.
"Yeah fine…" She said. As soon as she spoke, her feet slipped on the slick rocks close to shore.
His hand gripped her waist tighter to prevent her from falling. Bless him. They continued to walk along the shore. The sun rose higher in the sky. Sweat began to form on her brow. Despite how badass the Chosen outfits looked, they still kind of sucked.
They didn't stop until they reached a canoe, with two fishing poles in it. She turned her head to look at him. "Did you plan this already?"
"Nope." He shook his head and smiled.
"Then how the fuck did you know it was here?" She asked.
"You forget Palmer, I know everything."
Palmer. A sharp pain went through her chest. That's something she wasn't anymore. She had lost her last blood relation this morning. She had no last name.
Jacob climbed into the canoe and pushed it into the water. He stood and offered her his hand. Those hands that had caused so much damage to so many people looked so… gentle. Almost like a price asking her to join him on his magic carpet. Except Jacob Seed was no prince, far from it. Liz grabbed his hand and sat down across from him. He rowed them out into the middle of the river. He handed her one of the poles.
"And what do you expect me to do with this?" She asked.
"You've still got one good arm." He joked.
Liz didn't smile at him. She carefully grabbed the pole and made sure the fly was attached. Using her uninjured arm, she flipped it out into the water. Jacob continued to row the boat further from shore, the line dragging behind them.
"Something wrong, sweetheart?"
She sighed. "Palmer. You called me Palmer. I don't think that's my name anymore."
"And why do you say that?"
Liz reeled the line in and looked him dead in the eye. "I talked to Eli this morning."
Jacob's face went pale. He stopped rowing the canoe. His hand gripped around the oar. Maybe she should have told him before they were in a boat together… Or not have told him at all. He looked like he was tempted to throw her over.
"Did he contact you, or you him?" He asked.
"Does it matter?"
"It does!" He shouted.
Liz shook her head. She hadn't wanted to fight with him today. She had pulled this bullshit on him yesterday, she quickly realizing it wasn't fun. "It's not what you think okay, Jacob. Please…"
"No! What I'm seeing is, I've pulled your ass out of the fire more times than I can count. I gave up a chance to kill the Deputy to save you again! And now you repay me by crawling back to your goddamn uncle." He scoffed.
She gritted her teeth. Damn him for giving her a taste of her own medicine. "That's not what happened!"
"Then tell me."
"I reached out to him… I just needed to know if he knew what happened with the Dep. And he did… He said that we're no longer family. I didn't go running back to him."
Some of the tension released from Jacob's posture and he laid the oar down across the boat. He seemed to believe that she was telling the truth. It was about time for that. Liz had put all her trust in Jacob by joining him, now he needed to trust her.
She continued. "He said that I'm no longer Liz Palmer. That his niece is dead."
Liz's eyes darted across the water. She didn't know what to do. She should have just run away instead of contacting Eli. She had Jacob's trust. It could have been used to benefit herself. That's what she always did anyways. She looked after herself, even if other people got hurt in the process.
"Then who are you?" Jacob asked.
She looked back at him. "I don't really know anymore."
She searched his eyes from answers but found none. What was she really expecting from him? Jacob didn't know everything, even though he certainly claimed to. He hadn't been expecting their partnership any more than she had. There was no clear answer right now.
"Then I guess we'll have to figure it out." He said.
"I guess so…"
Jacob continued to row them out further from shore. When they were far enough out, he set the oar down and took the fishing pole from her. He flipped the lure out and slowly dragged it in.
The sun rose higher in the sky every minute. Liz found herself sweating under her all black outfit. She shucked off her coat and Kevlar vest. She also took her hat off and tossed it on the floor of the canoe. When she glanced up, Jacob was staring at her.
"Don't look at me." She sighed. Her hands ran over her head, in a sad attempt to hide. She should have left the hat on. Her scarred, earless, lump of a head was on full display. Liz imagined a bright glare coming off it anytime it was shown.
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't care what you look like?"
"Just forget it!" She hissed.
This whole partnership wasn't working out as expected. That day when they were driving back from the Chalet she could have jumped out of the truck and never looked back. She couldn't help but wonder if she made the wrong choice.
What Eli told her flashed through her mind.
"Eli said that when he first rescued me that you gave him a deal. That if he gave me up, you would release all the Whitetail prisoners. Is that true?" She asked.
Jacob reeled his line in and set the pole down. "Yes."
"Would you have actually released all those people if he had given me up?"
He titled his head and gave her a look. "Come on sweetheart. Do you really want me to answer that?"
That was all she needed to know. She was foolish for thinking she was the important to him. Just like with that damn music box. Every 'sacrifice' he'd made for her really didn't affect him at all. It wasn't truly a sacrifice for her if he didn't lose anything.
"What else was I expecting…" She scoffed. Another moment flashed through her mind. The man she had killed a few nights ago recognized her. "And… a man the other night said I was the leader of the Chosen. Why did he say that?"
Was he the one that started telling people? She thought it had been the Deputy. The was the most logical answer. He would have told people to be sure that the rebels hated her and would try to kill her on sight.
Jacob sighed. "I might have told a few of my men that with Ramirez gone that they would be receiving new leadership. I don't know how it spread after that."
"Are you fucking kidding me Jacob? Why did you think that was okay? I told you I didn't want a role in this!"
"It's a little too late for that, sweetheart. You made a choice. You're a part of this now. Now you need to commit."
As much as she hated to hear it, he wasn't wrong. Her allegiance had always gone back and forth. She couldn't play both sides anymore.
"You're right. But you shouldn't have made that choice for me. You should have asked me!"
He nodded. "I know. But sometimes if I don't push you, you end up standing still. And if you stand still, you end up dead."
Once again, Jacob wasn't wrong. She hated when he hit the mark every time. He had always been the one to make sure she moved forward and not back. But it didn't mean that he got to dictate every moment for her life. He sure as shit wasn't her father.
"It's not your responsibility to look after me."
His hands curled into fists. "Yes, it is! I cannot let anything happen to you. Not again…"
Liz gently reached out and unfurled one of his hands. She held it tight. Jacob squeezed it right back. His eyes stayed locked on her.
"You didn't see what I did when they took you to the bunker. They worked on you for hours. You lost so much blood. You had almost died because I couldn't protect you."
She shook her head. "A lot of things are your fault, but that isn't one of them. I'm the one who ran off from the ranch. If I had just stayed put like you said…"
"Since when have you ever listened to me?" Jacob asked. A small smile formed on his lips again. She absolutely loved it when he smiled
"I guess you've got a point there."
There had been way too many times she should have listened. At the church when Joseph was getting arrested, when he was conditioning the Deputy for the first time, and so many others. Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she had just listened in the first place.
"Sweetheart, I just can't have you going against me on every turn. This isn't gonna work if you do…"
Liz nodded. That wouldn't be an easy task to do. All she knew was how to fight him. She needed to learn to trust him more. She claimed that she did and then would scream at him the moment after. If trust is what it would take between them, then so be it.
"I know. But I just want you to trust me in return…"
"I do trust you."
Her eyes grew wide. "You do?"
"Of course, hell, you're the smartest woman I know. Why wouldn't I?" He said.
Liz felt a save of peace wash over her. All of her doubts faded. She immediately knew she had made the right decision. Deputy, Eli, and the Whitetails never trusted her. But Jacob always did, without hesitation. Now, she had to prove it. To fully devote herself to Eden's Gate… to Jacob.
"Good." She thought for a moment how she could prove herself to him. A big smile spread across her face.
"Jacob, would you like to know where the Wolf's Den is?"