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Chapter 36
I Can't Take This
I've been here on this island for three weeks now. I don't know how I keep track of the days, to be honest. I just sorta do. Maybe it's because I've got nothing better to do in my life. My life's nothing but just doing pointless things now, like sitting in sand all day, or helping the adults with random stuff around the house, or going shopping for food at the market. So, maybe the passing of days is the only thing I really notice right now.
I'll admit that if I had come here any other time than now, I would have really loved being here. Shirra is a wonderful place. I can see the ocean from where I'm staying and even go to it within five minutes of walking. I can explore the little caves near the cliffs of the ocean. I can go to the little jungles somewhere more toward the center of the island and go rip out the intestines of the wide variety of prey. I could go find all of the interesting Pokémon on the island and copy their abilities, so I could get even more powerful. Yeah, this place is great.
Except it's not right now. I don't feel any kind of joy here. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Not even the rush of tearing into a weak feral with my fangs, or the sweet taste of blood coating the inside of my mouth. Those are things that always gave me comfort. I always loved the feel of being a predator and hunting for food. It would always drown out everything else I felt. I always felt so accomplished knowing I was strong enough to slay ferals whenever I felt like it. Knowing I could decide if they lived or died. Sometimes… I had so much fun hunting that… it helped me forget why I'm even here in the first place. That there were… events that led to me being here. Things I need to stop thinking about if I don't want to lose myself.
But now there's just nothing. The blood tastes like water and the thrill of the slaughter just isn't there anymore. And it feels like the meat doesn't even fill my belly.
Well, there was something else that helped me feel better… sometimes. My friend Terron.
Terron. I've got to stop calling him that. That's not even his name…
Whatever. My Cubone friend. Maybe we didn't always get along. Our personalities don't really match. But just knowing he's there and that he relies on me, sometimes it made me feel better than hunting ever did. Just knowing someone would listen and not judge me.
But now, that joy is gone too. When Ter- I mean, my Cubone friend cuddles with me and talks to me, I don't feel like I care. I don't feel like I love him anymore. Like he's just there and means nothing to me.
Right now, he and I are sitting on the sand on the coast of this island, talking to each other. Well, he's doing most of the talking and I'm just listening, but it doesn't really matter. I still feel nothing while he looks perfectly fine. I don't even know how that's possible, to be honest. How can he be so happy with our situation nowadays? I remember how he didn't want to do anything back when we first got kicked out of the Fellowship. He'd just stay in our room all day and want to be by himself while Novus and I did whatever. And then when we got to this island, he was suddenly much better. He acted a lot more happy and more pleasant. I just don't understand how he could have possibly gotten better so quickly.
And, I guess Novus is better too, now that I think about it. He didn't really want to talk like me for a while, but then suddenly, he got better and he's been his usual self for the past two weeks. I don't get it. How? How do both of them get over all of that despair so quickly?
"You ever collect the shells around here?" Terr- ugh, my Cubone friend, asks me all of the sudden after we haven't spoken for a few minutes.
I decide to stop thinking about these depressing thoughts and look at him. He's got two seashells in his hands, which kinda remind me of the ones that Dewott carry around. There's seashells all over the place, to be honest. In fact, there's about five of them surrounding me, all of them pretty different. Somehow, all of these shells are just drawn to this island, and there's at least twenty new shells every day from what I can tell. No wonder why the city we live in is called Shellshore Village. But anyway, he's asking me a question. I guess I might as well answer it.
"No, not really," I answer, making sure I don't sound depressing at all. "I mean, I guess if I was an Oshawott or Dewott or whatever I would, but I'm not. There's too many of them. They're nice to look at, but I don't really feel like collecting them. I'd rather just stare at them. Plus, what would I even do with them?"
"Hmm, guess you have a point," he replies with a shrug. "I don't think I ever collected shells as a human either. But, I do remember something I was told about seashells."
"And what would that be?" I ask him.
He takes one of the shells from the sand and puts it in his paw. Then, he takes off his mask, sets it in his lap, and puts the shell to his ear.
"They say you can hear the ocean in the shells," he explains.
Uh huh. Right. Just like how I can hear my inner darkness reeling around inside me. Right.
He must see the doubt on my face, because he starts to laugh a little and shakes his head. He drops his shell and stuffs his mask back onto his face.
"It's not really the ocean," he says. "I know that. Heh, I'm not that gullible and stupid. But you can still hear something and it sounds nice. Go on, give it a try."
Humans sure do say some very strange things. They have that weird time paradox where they claim that the beginning of the day starts in the middle of the night, and they've got their weird wording, and now they say that you can hear the ocean in some kind of shell. What a bunch of weirdos.
Still, I might as well humor my friend. I take a shell that's resting next to me and flip it over before bending down and pressing my ear against it. Immediately, my ear is filled with the sounds of what really does sound like the ocean, but of course, I know it's not. Still, it's calming. I find myself smiling just a little as I keep listening.
"It's nice, isn't it?" he then asks me.
"Yeah, it is," I answer with a nod. "It really is. Maybe I'll keep one of these shells just so I can hear the 'ocean' within."
My friend smiles at me. I do my best to smile back, which I'm guessing looks happy to him since he isn't saying anything right now. Maybe. I can't really tell what kind of facial expressions I make. I can only hope they're what I want them to appear to be. But, at least I seem to be succeeding in appearing happy.
"Well, I'm going to go back to the house," the Cubone then says. "I'm getting kind of hungry. You want to come with me?"
Well…
"No, I think I'll just stay here for a little while," I tell him as I lift my head from the shell. "I'll catch up with you later."
"If you say so," he replies as he starts to get up. He looks at me and his pleasant smile turns into a sad one. "There anything you want to talk about before I go though?"
I feel my heart suddenly crack, but I don't show that I'm hurting right now. I just shake my head and put on a fake, reassuring smile.
"No, everything's fine," I say to him. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me."
He stares at me for a long time, like he's not really sure what to say. I stare back, trying to appear completely honest. It takes forever, but eventually, he decides to believe me when I say that I'm okay. He gives me a goodbye and a quick hug before going on his way. I watch him leave for the next few minutes, until he's completely out of sight.
When I can no longer see him, I look toward the ocean and release a long sigh. I'm so glad I can frown again. Smiling is so tiring, especially when you don't want to do it anymore. I don't know how merchants do it, with them always smiling at their customers, even when the customers are agitated with them.
I'm glad I'm alone now. Now, I can just be what I want to be; absolutely hollow. Like some Furret carcass after I'm done ripping out all of the meat I can get from their insides. At least the Furret has the blessing of being dead. It doesn't have to deal with the horrible feeling of… well, feeling nothing at all. I know that must sound weird, but it's true. All my feelings are gone right now, and it feels terrible.
But yeah, I don't need to pretend anymore. I'm getting sick of pretending, but I know there's nothing I can do. Because what am I supposed to do if I can't pretend I'm fine? So what if I tell somebody about how I really feel? Can they actually help me?
Well, I know the answer already; no one can help me. What's happened can't be fixed. I'm beyond saving.
I can't be fixed when everyone I ever cared about is being taken away from me. Repeatedly. I can't be fixed when I keep getting broken like this all the time.
It started with Zev. I still haven't figured out what's happened to him, but he hasn't come back. I used to kind of believe that he might still be alive somehow, for whatever reason, but I've lost all hope now. He's gone. He's dead. I'm never going to see him again. Nothing about me believes he's still around.
And that would have been okay if it was just Zev. I mean, yeah, it's terrible that I'll never see him again until I die myself, but I would have gotten over it. Eventually. Sometime.
But nooo, it just kept going! Mom and Dad, and Fen and Chi and Terron were then ripped out of my life almost two years later, all at once. And, they're not dead. No, they're Plagued Ones. They're the very demons that ended up taking them away from me. It's a sick, twisted, ironic fate. The very thought makes me want to both scream and cry, because it means that one day, I'm going to have to face them. Or, what's left of them anyway. And, I will have to fight them. Before I become a Plagued One myself.
… No… I'm… I'm not going to think about that. No…
NO.
NO. I WON'T.
No thoughts about that.
Getting back on topic, even after I found out the fate of my old friends thanks to our little Erebus Woods mission, I still didn't feel like what I am now. Do you know why? Well, I'll tell you why.
It's because I had friends to support me. It's because we had a plan to solve this little crisis. We knew a way to stop the Plagued Ones. It was because of that, that I didn't crack. And also, because I was able to talk to Terro- THE CUBONE, ZEKRA. STOP CALLING HIM TERRON. TERRON'S GONE. HE'S NOT TERRON.
Yeah, I was able to talk to the Cubone like he was my closest friend again. After weeks of having him so distant, it was such a huge relief to have him talking to me again. That's probably what drowned out any kind of despair I should have had, now that I think about it. So, yeah, I was able to stay okay because our team was close-knit and we had an awesome plan to go stop Erebus.
And then, that horrible day hit, and two more of my friends were taken away from me. Even though I never saw it happen, I guess Syn got taken away by the Plagued Ones and Impetus… abandoned us to find Syn. It was such a stupid excuse to leave us. But she did, and now they're both gone. Just like Zev, and everyone else at my old hometown.
And then our "plan" completely fell apart shortly after. We couldn't convince Yimtri to say anything, despite what the Cubone said to him. Despite all of the evidence. Even if we got some information out of him… we still didn't get what we wanted done.
That's when I finally cracked. That's when I finally couldn't take it anymore. Len kicking out of the Fellowship really didn't help… but I'm pretty sure that even if we were still in the Fellowship, I'd still be like this right now. Our dismissal is probably just the icing on this wonderful cake of misery.
Oh don't get me wrong; I'm really, really mad that I got kicked out of the Fellowship. After doing everything I could, with giving my all to the Fellowship, I still get kicked out because I'm a kid?! It's so stupid! I don't care how anyone tries to rationalize it! It's still such a stupid, idiotic reason! Especially with all of that stuff we learned from Yimtri with those special pins that can protect us from Plagued One transformation and that "second" voice. We've got all that information… and now we can't do anything with it, because we're not in the Fellowship anymore.
And yet, despite how much I'm cursing Len for making us leave the Fellowship and shipping us off to this island, I just don't think about it as much as I should. I mean, it is a big deal, but not with what's going on right now.
Not with how I'm losing everybody I love. Always. All the time.
That's consuming my thoughts so much more often now.
Because how can anyone attempt to help me, when the one thing that bothers me the most can't be fixed? Because I know how to fix and get over all of my other problems… but this problem of losing everybody I love all time … how do I get over that? Am I supposed to make my heart turn into a block of steel so that it won't break anymore? Am I supposed to just accept that all of my friends are getting torn away from me? What?! What am I supposed to do?!
You know what? Forget this.
Forget this.
I'll think about it later. I don't have the energy to think about this right now.
So, I just start looking out at the ocean and watch some flying-types go by, and the occasional water-type. It helps me relax a little, but I can still feel the nothingness of my inner darkness ripping and tearing at me like the waves hitting the shore. It just burns. And it never goes away.
And then, I see something weird, and it gets my mind off the feeling.
There's something out there in the water, but I can't really tell what since it's kind of far away. All I see is a head of some sort of Pokémon, but I don't think I've seen this kind of Pokémon before. Which is kind of odd, since I know quite a lot of Pokémon. That's how we Zorua and Zoroark are; we just know a bunch of Pokémon so we can use their forms later.
I watch as the Pokémon manages to come to shore a moment later, standing there in silence as he looks at the distant city with this blank stare with a pair of goggles hanging around his neck . I can see all of his form now. He looks like some kind of Toxicroak, except, he's not a Toxicroak. The colorings aren't right, and he doesn't have that finger to inject lethal poison into you and thus, make you die a slow and painful death. And, his feet and hands are actually webbed. And… he… he has what looks like his tongue wrapped around his neck, like a scarf.
How is that even possible…? How does he eat or talk?
As I'm thinking all of this, staring at this Toxicroak-like Pokémon with no doubt a stupid-looking gaze, I fail to realize that he's noticed me until I find his gaze suddenly locked onto mine. He doesn't look weirded out by my odd staring, but there's just something about his stare… something about how there's like no light in his eyes.
I start to feel awkward, and I'm about to look away, but then the Toxicroak look-alike turns his head away from me and starts to walk away instead.
Well… that was kind of random. Surprised I don't remember what kind of Pokémon that is though.
And, speaking of not remembering things… there's something I don't get, no matter how much I've thought about it.
Why can't I remember what happened during the Plagued One attack on Aurora Town? I've tried searching through my memories to see if I actually do remember something, but nothing comes up. It's just a huge blank in my memory. It starts with running outside after hearing this shriek… and then it just skips to me waking up the next day, surrounded by a bunch of Pokémon… with holes in my head. I still haven't figured out how I got those holes, to be honest. I mean, they're just scars now, but my head still kinda hurts when I move it a certain way. And the scars feel unnaturally cold too.
So why can't I remember? I know this happened before when we ran into the Plagued Ones in that one cave, but that wasn't a big deal. Nothing really special happened, and plus, the Cubone already told me what I did. Nothing really happened… like having holes in my head, or having half of my friends gone. I've tried asking the Cubone and Novus what happened to me a few times, but they won't answer the question. They just keep changing the subject. I would try to force an answer out of them, but lately, I just don't have the energy to. So I just put up with it.
But now, the more and more I think about this, the more and more I wanna know what happened to me. I wanna know what I did. I wanna know if the Plagued Ones did something to me. I wanna know if there's a reason why Novus and my Cubone friend won't say anything to me.
I wanna know. I just wanna know so badly.
So I decide to try to remember the incident again.
I close my eyes and think really hard about that day. That day that I wished never happened where Syn and Impetus left me and everyone in Aurora Town was ripped off the face of Shiron.
Nothing comes to my brain. So, I try harder. I squeeze my eyes shut as tightly as I can and think more and more about it. I imagine the faces of those demons that are bringing me so much grief and ruining my life at every chance they can get.
I imagine them laughing at me. Laughing at me. Laughing at my misery.
Laughing. Laughing.
Just laughing. Making the only sound that they can seem to make.
I want to remember if they were doing that. I want to remember the laughter and the smiles.
But the images don't come. The sounds don't come. And then I start to get agitated and feel like screaming.
I want to remember! Let me remember! Come on! I don't want to have amnesia like my friend! No! No! Let me remember!
Please! Please! I don't want to be kept in the dark! Please! I'll do anything if I can just remember something!
I push my ears down with my paws and violently shake my head around in a desperate attempt to shake any memories loose out of my brain. But still, nothing comes. My brain still doesn't want me to remember anything.
What feels like a pair of claws suddenly starts puncturing my heart. I swat at whatever's hurting me, trying to rip it to shreds, but find that no one's hurting me. It's just me.
I can tolerate pain. If someone slashes a huge gash in my side, I can take it and rip into the one who attacked me with my own claws. If someone knocks the wind out of me and makes me spew up my own blood like spit, I can mostly ignore it and still manage to somehow snap my jaws onto the one who hurt me and suck out their own blood like some kind of Golbat. I'm used to pain.
But I can't handle this pain. This pain that comes from feeling so stressed and helpless. I just can't. This feeling, like I'm being eaten at from the inside, like when a Heatmor melts a Durant and then sucks out all of its organs with its flaming tongue… I can't take it! I can't block it out!
I press my paws harder into my head as I roll around in the sand, trying to somehow get rid of this horrible feeling. The pain refuses to go away. I want to cry, but I force myself not to, which makes me feel even worse.
I have to get this pain to stop.
It has to stop!
IT HAS TO STOP!
Screaming… something, I leap to my feet and bolt for the ocean. I dive into the waves and swim out a ways before holding my breath and diving down under. Being in this water immediately gets my mind off the pain, which is exactly what I was hoping for. I'm not sure why being here helps calm me down, but I'm not going to question it.
As I'm just lazily remaining suspended in the water, I start to see a few wild water-types going by me, like Magikarp and Feebas and whatnot. They're just swimming on by, keeping their distance from me.
And the first thing that comes to my mind when I see them is to start slaughtering them. I immediately just imagine myself ripping them apart with my claws, their blood clouding up the water all around me, even though that's probably really difficult to do in the water.
But I don't do that. I prevent myself from doing that, even though it's so tempting and helps me get over my stress so easily. Even though it's just so easy… and so…
No… I'm not going to start killing things just to calm me down like I used to. That's… that's what Plagued Ones do.
I'm not going to be a Plagued One. I'm not.
I can't. I just can't.
So I close my eyes to ignore the ferals and stay in the water for as long as I can. I'd turn into one of those water-types so that I can stay down here and not worry about breathing, but I'm just not in the mood for transforming right now. Besides, the lack of air kind of calms me down. Something about knowing that I can't have air as a Zorua while underwater brings a weird sense of peace…
Hmmmm.
After about two minutes, I really start feeling the need to breathe again, so I go back to the surface and take in the precious air. It brings some relief, but it's not long before I feel the burning in my heart again. It's not as bad this time, but it's still distracting. But, I decide not to go back under again. Instead, I just look out at the city and I think about the Cubone and how he's waiting for me.
I probably should go back to him and my home now. Or, "home". It's not really my home. It's just a place that can pretend to be my home all it wants, but the truth is, I'll never have a home again. My home with my family… and my home with my friends… they're both gone. And I'll never get them back.
I feel a sharp sting in my eyes upon thinking about this, so I stop thinking about it and just get back to shore and head back to the house.
When I get to the house, my friends are waiting there for me, and so are the two adults who watch us. They tell me that they've got dinner all set up and that they're going to eat in a little while. So, I just wait a few minutes, and then eat with my "family", which is really just my friends, the two adults, and that Eevee kid. Think her name is Crystelle. I really don't know, and I really don't care either. I don't even think I know the adults' names, now that I think about it. But yeah, this is the family my friends and I have to live with now: a Sylveon with her creepy flesh ribbons, a Glaceon who somehow doesn't overheat in this weather since he's an ice-type, and this Eevee kid, who I really don't see that often since she usually does a bunch of other things around the island with her friends. I think. I don't really pay attention to her. She's practically non-existent to me, except for times like these when she's sitting right next to me.
But, to be honest, I only consider Novus and Terrrr- THE CUBONE, GET HIM A NEW NAME, to be my family. I kind of… don't care about this Eevee family. So they're watching me and taking care of me now that I have nowhere to go. That's great. But, I don't want to be taken care of anymore. I don't want replacement parents. They're just keeping us stuck here when we could be going around doing other stuff, like stopping the Plagued Ones. Stopping those things that keep taking everything away from me.
I want to get off this island, and those two adults are keeping me trapped here.
I've tried to run away. I really have. But, the two adults stopped that. They took away my Deception Amulet and hid it away somewhere that I can't find so I can't turn into something that flies or swims. They told all of the little Lapras ferries that take everyone off this island not to let me leave. The same goes for any kind of air transportation. They're keeping me contained here, and that's why I just can't bring myself to really care when they're imprisoning me.
They're not my family. Family doesn't try to make you miserable. Keeping me here on this island "for my own good" isn't exactly making me happy. If they really wanted to make me happy, they'd let me go right now with my real family and let us go stop the Plagued Ones and Erebus… however we plan on doing that.
I don't hate the adults though, don't get me wrong. I just feel kind of indifferent, to be honest. Which I think might actually be worse than hating someone, now that I think about it. But, I don't really care about that.
At dinner, the two adults tell my friends and I something pretty weird. They tell us that apparently, there's been this weird Pokémon spotted walking around the city, and everyone's kind of uneasy about it. I ask them why, and they tell me that it's because this Pokémon is something called a Greninja, some evolved form of Frogadier. Which apparently exists. I always thought Froakie just turn into Frogadier and then that was it since I don't see anything similar to Frogadier other than Froakie. But, I guess not since according to what the adults say, it's a custom for newly-evolved Greninja to leave society and go live in secrecy in some little Greninja village to go train in the ways of the Greninja… whatever that means. Think it has to do with how drastic the change is from Frogadier to Greninja. I think. Not sure since I've never seen what a Greninja looks like. But yeah, I guess a lot of Frogadier don't evolve since they don't want to go train or something. Maybe.
And then, the Greninja only leave the village when they finish their training. It's a really weird tradition they have, but that's what all of them do apparently.
But anyway, everyone's worried about this Greninja since apparently, Greninja don't really visit society. They just wander around Shiron aimlessly to do whatever, like a wanderer. Which is probably why I've never seen one really, now that I think about it.
So now, everyone's just on edge about why this Greninja is in town. And I really do mean that. I mean, the adults are saying that everyone is acting like Darkrai himself just showed up on the island. But, I'm not alarmed, because this Greninja sounds like an awesome Pokémon to me. An awesomely strong Pokémon, that is.
So, I ask what this Greninja looks like, since I've never heard of that Pokémon before. I tell them I want to know so I can avoid the Greninja, since they probably want me to do that. Of course, I'm lying to them, but they don't know that. So after they believe my lie, they tell me it basically looks like a Toxicroak with a scarf that's made out of its tongue.
And then that's when I realized that I saw this Pokémon earlier today. It was the Pokémon that was staring at me with that weird look. As soon as I hear this, I feel like smiling giddily. Ah, so I did see this awesome sounding Pokémon. Now, maybe I can find the Greninja again and maybe talk to him and have him show me those "ways of the Greninja" abilities. Because then, I can copy his form and get his awesome powers, and I can get even stronger. When I get my amulet back that is. Which I will. Then I can be unstoppable! Yessssssss… the one thing I still find some joy in…
But I don't let my smile show. I just nod and don't say anything at all to the adults, and they completely fall for it.
After dinner, my friends and I go to our room since we're rather tired. We all share just one room with a large rug as our bed, but we don't mind that. We all just snuggle together anyway, so even if we all had separate beds, it wouldn't really matter.
The three of us talk for a few minutes about our day, and I then tell them about my encounter with the Greninja. They're pretty fascinated by the story, despite how they were just told to be wary of the Greninja. Probably because this is the most exciting news we've had in a while. I mean, this island is probably so boring to them when we're so used to going on missions every day. And now, we're just doing nothing basically.
When we're done talking about that Greninja, the three of us decide to go to bed. The Cubone and Novus are just about to doze off, but then, I remember that meltdown I had earlier today then. And then the burning and the pain in my heart comes back.
I ask them what happened to me during the Aurora Town incident, even though this is probably the third time I've asked them. I say it very clearly to them so that they don't misunderstand me.
Well, as I kind of expected, the two of them don't get me an answer. They just give me this awkward stare for a second and then look away, saying nothing and immediately go to bed.
I should pester them right now. I should start scratching out their eyes with my claws and demand an answer, because those two obviously know something. But I don't, because I don't have the energy. I'm tired.
So I just fall asleep next to Cubone and Novus, joining them in slumber.
When the morning comes, I wake up to find that Novus and the Cubone aren't with me anymore. They're gone. Instead, I find that Crystelle girl in my room, just staring at me with a childish smile. A smile that reminds me of Syn's so much…
Ngh, not thinking about that. No. No.
"Where are my friends?" I ask her.
Yeah, did they abandon me because I was bugging them last night? Because it's not that late right now. It's not anywhere close to noon yet.
"Mom and Dad took them to get some errands done around town," she answers me, still wearing that smile and sounding so happy. Lucky. "And, they left you here, because I asked if I could spend some time with you today."
What.
"You want to spend time with me?" I ask, my voice in such a deadpan.
"Yeah! Because… well… I kinda wanted to know about you, since… I was thinking about becoming an Umbreon soon," she says. "And, you're a dark-type, so maybe you can tell me what that's like."
So the reason why I can't be with the two Pokémon I actually care about… is because this Eevee wants to know about my kind. She wants to know about the dark powers that churn around inside my heart and my brain. And that's why it's just me and her right now.
I'm about to reject her, since I don't exactly care for this Eevee, but then I see how she's anxiously waiting for my answer. And then I see how much she actually seems interested in me teaching her stuff. And when I see that, and I find I can't say no.
"Sure, I guess so," I say as I get to my feet. "Come outside with me. We'll talk about it after I go get some breakfast. I'd like to get something more fresh than what I normally get."
It doesn't take her long to figure out why I want to go out to get my food.
"Wait… you mean you're going to go kill something?" she asks, getting disturbed.
Tch, wimp. She won't make a decent dark-type with that kind of mindset. But I keep my thoughts to myself.
"Yeah, it's something we dark-types do," I answer her in a really bored tone. "That's the most basic thing about us; we're the predators of the world. Everything that's alive is our prey. We kill everything without even flinching. Anything and everything. We're bringers of death."
"Umm… are you sure it's that extreme?" that Eevee asks me. "I mean… you're not too much older than me… and that just sounds really twisted for your age. I don't think your kind are supposed to sound that violent…"
By Yveltal's name… this girl really isn't going to make it as an Umbreon. She'll be the wimpiest dark-type ever. She's even worse than the Cubone, back when he couldn't even look at a Sandshrew being cut open without wanting to gag.
"Well if you wanna be an Umbreon, you've got to learn to accept it," I say carelessly. "I mean, we're not bloodthirsty psychopaths…"
That's the Plagued Ones. Which I'll never tell you about, because if I do, you'll never be able to sleep again. Even though you're talking to one right… wait, no! No! I'm not a Plagued One. Ugggggghhh.
"We're not bloodthirsty psychopaths," I say yet again, trying to get rid of that stupid thought. "But we still kill things, like I said. Just not like some out-of-control maniac. So yeah, we're really just a bunch of Pokémon who do things that are apparently disturbing to all the rest of you types… even though it's not. Because you know, killing things is a pretty normal part of life. You do it all the time without even realizing it. Like… when you're making this house, you're killing so many trees. You are murdering trees. You just can't hear their screams like you can with some feral you're ripping apart. You can't hear their cries of agony as they scream for you to stop. You can't see their eyes pleading with you, begging you to let them live. No, not unless they're Sudowoodo or something…"
That Eevee keeps looking at me, her eyes growing wider as she keeps getting more and more disturbed. I just sigh and shake my head. So this is why dark-types never explain their thought process to anyone except other dark-types…
"Maybe you should just become a Vaporeon if you think that my 'disturbingness' is going to scar you too much," I then say. "Nothing about them is all that violent. They just live in the water. For a long time. Pretty boring life if you ask me, but that's what they do. But your choice. Either way, I'm going to go find something to eat. If you're not too disturbed though, then I guess you can come with me and I can teach you more stuff."
She stares at me for a while, thinking over it. She actually looks like she's having a hard time deciding what to do, to be honest.
Hmm, it must be tough being an Eevee and having to become a completely different type. I mean, even though I kinda become different types of Pokémon every time I transform, I don't really feel any different. Well, I feel a little weird because I have to change body structures and adapt to that, but otherwise, I still feel like me. I don't suddenly feel this fire burning inside me, or this plant connected to all of my organs, or like I'm half-dead and feel the need to creep everyone out. I still feel like a dark-type.
Yeah... changing into a completely different type must be rough. I almost feel bad for her now.
"I think I'll come with you," she says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I mean, what you're saying is really creepy… but maybe if you talk to me more, it'll be less creepy. Somehow."
She still looks kinda disturbed, but she also looks kinda willing to learn more. Huh. Maybe she's not so wimpy after all.
"Alright, well, let's get going then," I tell her.
She and I leave the house and we go walking through the island. I don't really care about the island and just keep thinking about where we need to go, but you can bet the Eevee isn't doing that. She's looking around at everything, like this place is her brand new home and that she's completely fascinated. You know, how I should have reacted when I first came to Shirra.
Like, we'll pass by some random store that sells random stuff, and she'll want to go inside to look at stuff. And I'll have to drag her out if she stays in there for more than five minutes, because I don't really like waiting for something as important as breakfast. And then she does it again ten minutes later, and I've gotta repeat the process.
It's annoying. Really annoying.
But thankfully, that's all she does that's really annoying. After walking for a while and putting up with that annoying thing she does, we finally get to this jungle somewhere in the middle of the island. I'm pretty sure the jungle has a name, but I don't know it, so I just call it "Bloodshed Jungle". Because… this is typically the place I visit if I ever want to go hunting. I'm pretty sure that there's dozens of bloody paw prints scattered throughout the place. All from me and whatever other predators live in there.
But other than the gory details, the place is actually pretty nice. No one really goes in here because, well, it's obviously full of dangerous Pokémon, so it's always quiet… until something gets killed. Then, it's a pretty big jungle with lots of trees and it goes on for a few miles, and there's lots of different kinds of prey in there. All kinds of types and species are inside that jungle. Oh, and it's not a Mystery Dungeon. Thankfully.
I would feel happy to see this glorious place again, full of things to slaughter, but I don't. I still feel hollow. But hey, I'm not here to feel better. I'm here because I'm hungry, and I want something fresh.
I start to enter the jungle, keeping my eyes peeled for any Pokémon that would make a good breakfast.
"Ummm, I really don't want to go in there," the Eevee calls to me, sounding pretty terrified. "Can I just wait out here for you?"
I stop and look back at her. She's so far away from the entrance, and she's shaking like crazy. I'm about to saying something disapproving, but then, I realize something; she's just an Eevee. She's not like me, where I can be anything. She's not a predator. Well, when she evolves, she will be, but she's not. She's still an Eevee. She'll die if she comes in with me.
Well, I can't let that happen.
"Fine," I say with a sigh. "Just… stay right there I guess. Nothing should bother you from there."
I see her nod and let out her own sigh, but more as a relief. After I see that, I once again continue my way into the jungle. The island gets left behind as I enter this domain of trees, where only the strong live and the weak cower in fear in every moment of their limited time.
I go up to the nearest tree and climb up it using my claws. I'd prefer it if I was an Aipom or something right now, since climbing is so much easier that way, but I know that's obviously not happening right now. No, my Deception Amulet is gone right now… by those two adults. I swear, things would be a lot easier in so many ways if they just let me keep that necklace. But noooo, they can't let me have it!
I get to a tree branch and peer around for any sort of Pokémon. Prey… predators… something that flies… anything works. But I don't see anything.
I wouldn't be having this problem if I just had my amulet. I could turn into something instantly and find things faster that way. I wouldn't have to wait here for so long. But those two adults… they took away the one thing that could have possibly made me happy…
Urrrrgggh… maybe just killing them would make things easier. If I get that amulet back and then just murder them, then I can leave this island and nothing can hold me back. Yeah… and I won't even feel bad about it, because you know what? I don't care about them. They were asking for it when they took away the amulet in the first place. They deserve it. And killing them shouldn't be that hard. I mean, I've never killed a sentient before, but it shouldn't be that much more different than killing a feral.
Killing… killing sentient ones.
I stop looking around. Did… did I just hear something?
No, no there's nothing around. Huh, weird. Whatever.
I go back to looking for Pokémon, trying to keep myself hidden behind a bunch of leaves while I'm doing so. If only I could turn into a Scyther… those things can fly and they've got those bladed arms. Yeah… they're stealthy and lethal.
Or… maybe even Zev's form works, since I do like that form a lot. It's pretty cool having those giant claws that can slice through things so easily. And those teeth that can chomp down on anything and pretty much crack bones…
Or that Greninja form… even though I know nothing about Greninja and what they can even do…
And then, I see something. Yessssss… I see a Leafeon. It's trying to hide, but I can see it. I see it in behind some trees in the distance. It hasn't noticed me yet.
I quietly start to creep through the network of tree branches around me, trying to get to that Leafeon so I can drop on it from above. Yeah, I've done stuff like this before, and it works out pretty well. They never suspect anything from up above…
What feels like a thorn suddenly gets shoved into the side of my head, causing me to wince and stop moving. I rub my paw against the hurting spot.
And then, just for a second, I don't see the jungle anymore. I see these… blobs flying at me from above. These wispy… ghost blobs…
The vision fades before I can make much more of it. The pain stops. But, I don't dwell on what just happened, because this Leafeon is only going to stay still for so long. I've got to keep making progress. Even though what I just saw was so weird… and… familiar…
I get to the branch that's directly above that plant Eevee evolution and I stare down at it. It still has no idea that I'm here. I start to grin eagerly. I've had plant Pokémon before; they taste okay. They're like a weird sort of mix between eating flesh and leaves at the same time. It's salty, but bitter at the same time. But still, it's a good flavor. Though, I guess my favorite would have to be the fire-types. They have a weird, spicy flavor in their flesh that I really like. It's just too bad that there aren't any in this jungle.
I crouch, ready to drop down on that Leafeon. I wait for just right the moment. I extend my claws and get my jaws all set so I can instantly sever its neck. I have to do this right, or else I won't kill it right away. And, I don't want to have to make this longer than I have to. I want my food right now. I've waited long enough today.
Of course, if I had a form with some sharp blades like a Scyther… I wouldn't have to worry about any of this…
Kill with sharp blades.
Doesn't that sound familiar?
I tense up. That voice… that voice. That voice that sounds like my voice… except it's not. It's got this weird echo in its voice. It's back again. Where's it coming from?
Remember Zekra?
Who's talking to me?! Where are you?! Show yourself!
Oh, you don't remember. You don't. I remember now.
Seriously! Stop toying with me! What are you talking about?!
And then suddenly, what feels like a million thorns are shoved into my brain, and I start to scream. I scream so hard, that my ears feel like they're going to explode. The Leafeon that I was trying to hunt runs away, and so do any other Pokémon that were hiding nearby me. The jungle disappears as just one thing fills up my vision.
Me… standing over Bane and Rayne. In a Plagued One-infested Aurora Town.
Their blood all over my paws.
And that same voice I heard just seconds ago, telling me to do only one thing.
KILL THEM. KILL THEM. KILL THEM. FINISH WHAT HAS BEEN STARTED.
I start screaming louder and bash my head into the tree branch, trying to get the headache and the vision to go away. Incredibly, the vision fades from my eyes, the pain stops, and I find myself back in the forest a few seconds later. But I don't feel relieved because I have so many concerns on my mind right now.
When… when did I… when did I do that to Bane and Rayne…
I don't… remember that. I'm… I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. Why… why can't I remember that…
It… It was real, right? That… that wasn't made up, was it?
So very real… so much blood… yet you cannot remember.
Oh, it's you again! Who are you?! Just what was that?!
A fragment of the memory you long for so much. A fragment of when I was you.
Wha… what? Are… are you…
If you really want to know so badly, ask your Cubone friend. He knows.
And then, the voice goes away, just like that. And I'm left all alone again, collapsed on that tree branch, not able to do anything.
And I just lay there for so long, thinking over what I just saw and what I just heard.
What I just saw… that was from the attack on Aurora Town. I mean, I don't remember what happened on that day too well, but I know that had to be the day. There were Plagued Ones everywhere. And that voice… it sounds like me… but that's not my conscience. It's never talked to me before… and I'm fairly certain that it would never talk like that…
That voice… is it…
No… it's not true! No! That voice was not Erebus! I've heard Erebus's voice in that awful dungeon, and it sounded nothing like this! It didn't sound like me!
But then… whose voice was that? Why did I kill Bane and Rayne?
And then, I remember what the voice was telling me. I remember how it told me to go find the Cubone. I remember how much I've asked the Cubone for answers regarding that day, yet get nothing. And as soon as I remember that, I feel this conviction start burning inside me. It lets my inner darkness fill my muscles, giving me the strength to get up again.
I need to know what happened. I have to. No matter what. That Cubone is going to tell me what's going on with me, one way or another. He can't keep ignoring my question.
I leave Bloodshed Jungle a few minutes later, abandoning my search for any kind of breakfast. I'm not exactly hungry anymore. The minute I get outside, I see that Eevee running toward me. She stops in front of me, panting and looking pretty worried.
"I was getting so worried about you!" she tells me. "You were taking so long in there… and I thought I heard you screaming… but I didn't know if I should have gotten help or not…"
"No, I'm fine, I'm fine," I tell her, trying not to sound really bitter. "But, I can't really hang out with you anymore today. I just remembered that I've got something I need to do. Sorry."
She looks crushed to hear me say that, but I don't back down, because I really do have something important to do right now. And, I really want to go do it now. I can just feel my heart wanting to explode from the impatience building inside me.
"Okay… well, thanks for teaching me about some of the stuff at least," she says. "I still don't know if I like the whole idea of being a dark-type from how you describe it, but maybe I'll change my mind if I keep talking to you. Maybe tomorrow you can talk to me more about this?"
"Maybe," I tell her, not really paying attention to her. "Maybe. But yeah… let's get back to the house."
So the two of walk back, and we don't say anything at all. Because you know, there's nothing to say to her right now. My thoughts are being consumed by that weird vision, that voice, and what I need to tell the Cubone. I can't think about anything else. I can't. If I try, my brain just switches right back to the horrifying things a second later.
Well, the two of us get back the house some time later, and wouldn't you know it? The adults and my friends are there.
The Cubone is there.
They're all sitting around the table, eating what I think is lunch. And as soon as they see that Eevee and I, they start saying hi to me and ask if I'd like to eat with them. Crystelle joins with them, but I just shake my head. I've got more important things to do.
I go up to the Cubone while he's eating what looks like some kind of sandwich and I start tugging on his coat with my teeth. That gets his attention pretty quickly. He stops eating and looks me.
"What's up, Zekra?" he asks me.
Ohhhhhh, you have no idea…
"I want to talk to you," I tell him, keeping my voice stoic. "Alone. Outside. Right now."
"Ummm, sure," he says.
He looks over at the adults, who don't seem to be hearing our conversation.
"Can Zekra and I go outside for just a moment?" he asks them.
The adults tell him that it's fine. Novus looks at us with a very strange, suspicious stare, but doesn't say anything to us. He just motions for the Cubone to get going.
The Cubone and I leave the house, and I take him out to the beach near the house. After all, I don't want the adults to hear us. I don't want anyone to hear us. I mean, I know there's probably other Pokémon on the beach, but I bet I can find a place that's quiet enough.
Well thankfully, I do find a place that's pretty empty on the beach. And once I see it, I take the Cubone there and we sit down in the sand together. He looks at me.
"Sooo, what's going on?" he asks me, sounding really confused, but also concerned at the same time.
I feel like I should take the time to think about how I want to word my question. I feel like I should try to build up to my ultimate question by just talking to him about casual stuff first. Yeah, I feel like I should do stuff like that. It would make this conversation easier on him.
But my heart is being shredded right now and it doesn't want to really deal with that kind of patience.
"I killed Rayne and Bane, didn't I?" I ask him, being as straight to the point as possible.
Saying this immediately causes the Cubone to cringe and tense up. So I'm right. He wouldn't be cringing like that if it wasn't true.
"What?" he asks me, horrified by my statement.
"On the day the Plagued Ones attacked the Fellowship, I killed Rayne and Bane," I say again. "I did that, didn't I?"
The Cubone doesn't say anything to me. He just looks completely petrified. Like he's suddenly become stone. But, I don't stop. I need to get an answer out of him.
"Look, I'm sick of you and Novus not answering my question about what happened to me on that day," I start to say as I get to my feet and glare deeply at the Cubone. I half-wish I could turn into something more threatening right now so I can use a fear factor to get answers out of him more easily, but that's obviously not happening. "I keep asking you two what happened, and you two refuse to answer. And I can't take it anymore. I just can't. Not after what happened today. Not after… that vision. I saw a lot of things in it. I know what I did. Rayne and Bane were on the ground and covered in my claw marks. And… there was this voice."
The Cubone's eyes become wide as soon as I say the word "voice", but he doesn't say anything. So I keep going.
"But, I know that's not all that happened," I go on. "I know more happened. Like these holes in my head. I know there's a reason why I found those holes in my brain when I woke up. And you know the reason. You know the reason for why I can't remember anything. I know you know."
I clench my front claws, feeling the sand beneath them bunching up in my paws.
"So, I want you to tell me what you know right now. Right now," I say with a snarl. "I can't take this anymore. I have to know, because it's driving me insane. It's killing me from the inside. I need you to tell me right now so this can just stop. Tell me what you know."
The Cubone looks at me, not frightened of my words. He's not even annoyed with me. He just looks sad.
"Zekra, I… I don't think you should know the reason right now," he says to me. "I can't tell you right now."
Did he really just say that? Did… did he honestly, honestly just say what I thought he said?
So he knows. He KNOWS what's wrong with me, but he doesn't want to say anything?! What?! What?!
Something inside of my brain snaps, and my eyes flash just for a brief moment with my illusion light.
"You can't tell me? You can't tell me what's happening to me?!" I ask in disbelief at his words. "Whatever happened to keeping no secrets between your friends?! Remember? That little speech you gave to me and Syn and Impetus when we were all still around?"
I look straight at the Cubone and let the illusion power locked inside my heart escape. It spreads through my veins and I become a Cubone. I become a mirror image of my friend who refuses to talk to me.
"I think it's important for us to talk to each other! We have to be open with our thoughts and feelings! We can't hide anything from each other!" I say to him. He cringes at my words, because I'm using his voice. It's got all of my agitation in it, but it's still his voice. "We've got to be one unit and help each other and everything! None of my friends should keep secrets from each other! No! Never!"
I start to scowl as hard as I can, but I don't know if he can see that because of this mask I have to wear.
"Except right now! I'm not going to tell my best friend what she really needs to know right now!" I cry, throwing up my Cubone hands in the air. "Because I'm a hypocrite! A liar! Because I don't care about my best friend anymore! Because even though she's clearly dying on the inside from me keeping secrets from her, I don't care! Nope! I'm just going to keep my mouth shut like what I did when I found out why she called me Terron! No! I'm just going to let her suffer! I know she's suffering, but I don't care! I don't care!"
He glares at me through those holes in his helmet, and I can see that what I said is really getting to him.
"That's not the reason, Zekra," he growls, trying his best to keep his voice and anger contained. "Don't you ever say it's because I don't care about you or that I'm a hypocrite. You know that I care about you more than anyone else, and I will never start turning into a hypocrite like Len."
I change back into me so that he can see my scowl better.
"Then why can't you tell me?" I ask him. "If you care so much about me, why won't you tell me what's going on with me? If you really did care about me, you'd tell me what's happening to me. Because friends are honest with each other. They tell each other things, even when they really don't want to because it hurts them. Or are we not friends anymore?"
The Cubone looks hurt by my comment, and his glare fades away a little. But, he doesn't say anything. He just keeps looking at me.
"Well? Aren't you going to say something?" I ask him, getting increasingly annoyed with him.
He, of course, says nothing. He's not saying anything to me. He's not saying anything. He won't talk to me. He knows that I'm in pain, but he won't talk to me anymore. The throbbing in my heart from desperately wanting answers gets worse at the sight of this. It feels like something is ripping out my heart from my chest.
I can't take this. I can't anymore.
"Talk to me," I growl at him. "Tell me what happened to me. Tell me right now. Tell me why I can't remember anything. I'm not dropping this subject until you say something."
He still doesn't say anything. He just keeps looking at me with this blank stare.
I stare back at him, my eyes no doubt glowing with my illusion light because of how angry I am with him. I can only hope it looks terrifying.
And then, the Cubone starts to sigh. He sighs, like he's tired of listening to me. And the sight of that just makes me start growling in irritation. I'm about to pounce at him and start biting him because of how sick I am of not getting my answer, but then he looks at me with a face so sad before talking.
"Zekra... you've got Instinct Infestation," the Cubone tells me, his voice real quiet.
Instinct… Infestation? I'm about to ask what that is since I've never heard of it, but then, he starts saying more.
"But unfortunately… it's not that simple," he then says, even quieter than his last statement. "You've got Instinct Infestation… and from what Novus and I can tell… the plagued part of you is using your Instinct Infestation to its advantage and… making you do terrible things."
My heart stops. The plagued part of myself is making me do terrible things. He… he's not actually referring to…
The voice… the… that voice…
"When Yimtri gave you back to me after he found you, that Turtwig was saying that you had Instinct Infestation," he goes on, finding it really hard to look at me in the eye. "It's basically where every time you see something that reminds you of a traumatic experience, your rational thinking shuts down and your instincts completely take over your mind. And, you basically do whatever you can to get away from whatever triggered you to be this way, which is seeing Plagued Ones for you. And… you forget everything while you're like this. You don't remember anything except that you need to get away from the Plagued Ones. You just go running around. She said that you had that… and that's why you had run away from me and attacked Rayne and Bane…
"I wanted to think it wasn't a real thing… and it was just some lie she made up… so I looked it up in some books and talked to Novus. And… it's a real thing… but it's not supposed to make you attack anyone. It's… it's only supposed to make you want to run away. It's not supposed to make you hostile."
No… no… I don't like where this is going… I don't like what you're trying to imply…
"I mean, that is what happened when you first had your meltdown back when we first encountered the Plagued Ones in that cave. You didn't attack anyone. That's what Instinct Infestation is supposed to be like. You just went running around. But not in Aurora Town. I mean… I never saw what you did… but Yimtri told me what you did… and you just confirmed everything he said… and you said you heard a voice… and it just… just confirms a theory Novus and I made."
No… don't say it… don't… it's not true…
The Cubone closes his eyes and sighs.
"Whenever you go into Instinct Infestation, the plagued part of you takes advantage of your state… and it starts taking over your instincts. It's not Erebus since we're so far away from it… just the part of you that got plagued. I really don't know how else to say this but… it… it pretty much turns you into a Plagued One whenever you see other Plagued Ones. I mean, you don't actually turn into one... but you start behaving like one."
I'm… I'm a…
"So, Chloe and Yimtri were telling the truth… but they left out that rather important detail," he then says, gritting his teeth. "I really shouldn't be surprised since they leave out so much detail about everything, like what's really happening at Dusk Mines, but still. They knew. I know they knew. And they left it up to Novus and I to figure out what was really going on. Those feckless pricks. When I see them again…"
He starts clenching his fists as he's thinking this, but then, he remembers I'm with him and he starts looking sad again.
No, go back to your ranting. I'd rather hear that than what you're telling me right now… I… I don't wanna know anymore…
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this, Zekra. I wanted to tell you, but I… I just couldn't. I couldn't tell you even though you wanted to know so badly, because… I just didn't want you to be in any more pain than you are already. I just wanted to keep this hidden from you until you were feeling better. I didn't want you to suffer any more than you are already. Because, I just didn't know how I was supposed to tell you that-"
No! I don't want to hear it! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
SHUT UP!
I run away from the Cubone. My legs feel heavy, and my eyes sting as tears blur up my vision, but I keep running.
"Zekra! Wait! Come back!" I hear him yell at me.
I don't dare look back at him. I don't want him to see how miserable and broken I look right now. So I just keep running across the sand, which is so hard to do, and don't stop. I run like my life depends on it. Like I'm being chased by a swarm of vicious Staraptor that want to tear out my fur and flesh.
It's not true… it's not true… I'm not… I'm not…
But… everything the Cubone said… it…
I keep running and running, passing by all of these random Pokémon who are so oblivious to what's wrong with me. Pokémon who are better off not knowing what I am. Pokémon I might kill one day when the plagued part of me takes over me.
I don't want to be a Plagued One! No! No! No! I can't! I just can't!
I can't do it! I just can't! I don't want to kill everyone whenever I snap into that Instinct Infestation! I don't want to be a Plagued One when that happens!
And then, something horrifying comes to me as I'm thinking this.
If I stay with my friends, how much longer will it be before I kill them? How much longer will it be before everyone I love and care about dies by my paws? I'm going to snap again into Instinct Infestation sometime. I know I will. And if I do, who will stop me? The Cubone can't stop me; he couldn't before. Neither can Novus since he was with him probably. They can't. Especially if I have that Deception Amulet. I'll be invincible. I'll massacre everyone because I'm an invincible little Zorua. Or, they'll turn into Plagued Ones. Because… I'm a Plagued One. That's what Plagued Ones do; they kill you or turn you into their own kind.
All of my friends are going to keep dying around me, whether it's the Plagued Ones fault or my own, now that I'm one of them. I can't ever stop that. All of my friends are going to keep disappearing from my life.
And not only that… but how I can attempt to even fight the Plagued Ones if I'm on their side? How am I supposed to eliminate all of them and fight for my friends… when I'm pretty much working for the Plagued Ones? How? How do I stay true to my vendetta when… when… I'm the very thing that I'm trying to destroy? When the plagued part of me makes me go against everything I believe in whenever I see those monsters? How do I fight, when all of this is true?
I can't do this. I can't live knowing that everyone I love is going to be taken away from me in one way or another. I can't live knowing that I'm helping the Plagued Ones… and that I'm basically one of them now.
I can't take this. I can't keep going. This has to stop. It has to stop.
I spot a cliff in the distance. It's a cliff that overlooks the ocean. And I start to run faster.
I climb up the mountain that has that cliff. I don't stop, even when it's so exhausting to run up that steep mountain. I keep going until I reach the very top and then, I stop right at the edge of the cliff and I look down.
I see the ocean below me that's so far away, and the rocks sticking up out of the water. I see the waves crash into the side of the mountain and spray up at me, but they don't reach me. I feel the cool breeze blow against my fur.
A few tears drip from my eyes and I watch them plunge into the cold waters below. It takes them a very long time to reach the bottom. About a minute I think.
I keep staring down at the water that's so far away from me.
… when you fall from somewhere this high up… do you black out before you hit the bottom?
I just need to jump off. It's not that hard. I just need to take one step forward, and I'll fall. Just put one paw forward, and I'm done. And then, I'll feel better. I won't have to worry about hurting anyone, because I won't exist anymore. I won't have to worry about becoming a Plagued One completely.
I just need to do it. For me. For everyone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then, without a second thought, I push my paws off the barren ground and dive off the cliff.
I start to fall and the wind rushes past me and blows loudly through my ears. I let my tears stream out of my eyes and go up into the air. I watch the waves get closer and closer to me with each second. I listen to the sounds of the waves as they grow louder and louder.
I see the sharp rocks that I'm falling toward. Those sharp rocks… those rocks that will slice me open the second I hit them. They'll impale me and kill me instantly. I shouldn't have to feel anything for more than a second if I can just hit the sharp end of any of those rocks.
The rocks start getting closer. The waves start getting louder.
And then… the plagued part of me starts talking to me. That evil, demonic voice that just reminds me of all the tragedies in my life. I can hear it so clearly in my head.
You are going to die, Zekra. You realize that, don't you?
Yeah… because I want to get rid of you. I'd rather die than put up with the idea that you're going to take over me.
So, rather than face a harsh reality… you choose to take the easy way out.
You can put it any way you want, but yeah, I'm putting an end to myself. Now leave me alone! I want to die without you in my head, you twisted Pokémon corrupter…
Very well. I see.
Well then, you do know that if you die… you'll be considered a weakling, don't you?
… what?
You know that if you give up right now… you're going to have to "live" with the thought that you cowered out of reality? You realize that, don't you?
The stabbing pain strikes my head. Like a pair of claws are squeezing my brain. I clutch my scalp and try to shake off the pain.
You won't be a predator anymore. You'll just be a weak, pathetic excuse of a Zorua. Just some weakling who rolls over after tragedy strikes.
I… I'm not a weakling! I'm Zekra the Zorua! One of the best predators ever! I don't back down from anything!
You're backing down right now. From reality. From everything. Or are you going to attempt to deny that fact?
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I… I…
I am running away from reality. I am being a weakling. By Darkrai… I am!
No! No! I can't do this! I can't just die like this! That's… no! I won't!
I… I can't just die a coward! No! I… I've gotta fight, like I always have! I… I have to live!
The rocks are so close. Any second now, I'm going to hit them. I'm going to die… I'm going to die a coward…
Wait… no. My illusions! Maybe I can change into something! I mean… I don't see any flying Pokémon around, but… I have to try!
Because I want to live! I want to live and fight back!
The headache in my mind goes away, as if my words were the magic key to ending my torment. I picture the first flying Pokémon I can think of in my head right now, and it turns out to be a Scyther. One of my favorite forms in all honesty, maybe even my all-time favorite. Haven't seen one of those things in just about forever, but oh well! It'll work!
I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can, and muster every bit of illusion power I can to change me into a Scyther. To change me into that awesome thing of death so I can live. So I can fight.
The illusion power spreads through me, and I change. I change into that Scyther, and I just barely fly myself away from the rocks. Away from my death. I can feel my energy draining me so quickly right now, but I keep up the illusion. I have to keep it up until I can get to land.
I speed over to the shore within five seconds, and immediately upon landing on that sand, I stop putting up the illusion and just become me. I start panting like crazy, feeling so exhausted. There's other Pokémon nearby me, but they don't seem to realize that I just tried to kill myself and that I just barely stopped myself. They're probably thinking something more harmless.
But I don't care about that, because I'm alive. I'm still alive…
I can't believe I just tried to kill myself… I just… what was thinking…
You are going to fight.
The plagued me says that so simply, without any kind of malice or anything. Like it's just stating something that's really obvious.
I feel my hate for that thing living inside me, but I also feel something else; a conviction. Something that doesn't feel like it's full of nothing but rage.
Yeah… I'm going to keep fighting. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to find a way to get rid of you and stop Erebus. I'm going to keep going until all of you disgusting things are gone.
Well then. See how well that goes for you.
I will leave you be. I will continue to let you fight this endless war in peace. Just remember something.
I'm always waiting for you. I'm always waiting for that moment of weakness. Don't think you're ever without me, even if I don't speak.
And don't think that dying will save you; it won't. And even if you think it will, I'll always find a way to prevent you from dying. You can't die. I won't let that happen.
Remember that, Zekra.
And then the voice leaves me alone, and I'm at peace again. And for the second time today, I just lay there, completely exhausted.
I'm going to fight you, plagued me. I'm going to win. I'm not a weakling. I'm better than that. I'm better than you. You'll see.
You and all the other Plagued Ones will go before I ever will.
After I rest for a while, I decide to go find the Cubone again. I still feel pretty tired, and my legs feel so wobbly, but I also feel that my heart's a lot lighter. I mean, I still feel some stuff weighing it down… but I really do feel like quite has been taken off me. And, that alone is enough to give me the strength to go find my friend and tell him what I need to tell him.
I don't have to look for too long. I find the Cubone wandering around the beach near the mountain, looking worried sick, like he's going to have a panic attack. He's probably still looking for me. I mean, I run quite a bit faster than him. He probably didn't see me run up that mountain. As soon as I see him though, I admit that I do feel a little scared to face him again, especially after my reaction to his words and stuff. But, I make myself be brave and go toward the Cubone. I don't rush toward him; I just walk toward him. Slowly.
He sees me after I've taken about five steps forward. And immediately, he starts running toward me. I feel scared again, and I freeze up, even though I know he's not going to attack me or anything. Well, actually, maybe he might for some reason. Maybe. Hopefully not.
Well thankfully, he doesn't do that. He just runs at me and tackles me down in a hug. Thankfully, he doesn't squish me, but I do get some of my breath knocked out of me for a second.
"Hey…" I say to him, not really sure what I'm supposed to say at all really.
He doesn't say anything to me. He just keeps hugging me really tight, like he's afraid I'm going to run off or something if he doesn't hang onto me. I sigh and look at him the best I can.
The words that need to come out of my mouth aren't coming. It's like something's literally clogging my throat, and every time I open my mouth to say something, it hurts so much.
But, I know I have to say something right now. I need to tell the Cubone what's on my mind right now. I can't let this hold me back.
"I'm sorry… for what I did," I tell him, feeling like I'm going to start crying again with every word I say. "I'm sorry… for running away and… doing what I was going to do. It's just… I couldn't take how everything was anymore. Being kicked out of the Fellowship… being stuck here on this island… figuring out what's wrong with me… losing all of my friends… I just couldn't do it anymore. I could handle it before, but just… just not after what happened to Aurora Town. I couldn't. Especially… because I… I can be the one to bring all of this misery to myself. I thought that everything was just downhill from here… and there was nothing I could do. I thought I could only keep making my life worse… because of this Instinct Infestation and everything."
I glance at the Cubone real quick to see how he's taking all of this in. I can't really see his face too well because of his mask and everything, so I can't tell how he's reacting. He just looks thoughtful, I guess. But, he's listening to me at least. He's waiting for me to finish.
I close my eyes and take in a few deep breaths to help me keep talking. My throat feels so dry and feels so scratchy right now. I don't want to keep talking, but I know I have to.
"But, I'm okay now… sort of. I mean, I'm still upset at a lot of things… but I don't feel so bad anymore," I go on. "I'm going to keep trying what's become my life's purpose since I met you. Even if I've got something wrong with me… and I might lose you… I'm still not going to let anything hold me back. I'm going to fight, with you and Novus. Because… there's a way to stop all of this suffering. There has to be. And, I'm going to find that way with you two. Together, no matter what happens. I promise."
I release a long sigh and wait for the Cubone to say something. I feel so exhausted right now, in so many different ways. But, I also feel at peace. It's strange.
And then, I feel the Cubone's head press into the side of my face and I feel warm tears trickle onto my fur. I see his helmet lying on the ground next to us. He probably took it off so that it wouldn't dig into my face and make me all uncomfortable. How thoughtful of him.
"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that you're okay…" he says in a whisper. "You really don't… thank you. Just thank you."
I can tell he wants to say more to me, but nothing else is coming out of his mouth. I mean, I want to say more too, but I just can't. I feel so at loss right now. I feel… so happy to see him so happy.
And in this happy moment, something comes to mind. Something… that I've been meaning to say for a long time. I just never got to because I never really thought of it before.
"You're welcome, Tear," I tell him.
He lets go of me and looks at me with this confused look. I mean, he's still crying happy tears, but now he also looks confused. But, I just look at him with a smile.
"Tear… your new name," I say. "Well, my nickname for you anyway. I just thought of it. It's like Terron… but it's not. And, it's fitting for a Cubone. Tear. You know, like ripping stuff."
The Cubone stares at me for a moment, like he's not sure what to think of the name. But then, he starts to chuckle and the confusion goes away. And the happiness returns.
"Heh, of course you'd come up with a name that sounds so violent," he laughs. "Well alright, I'll be Tear to you then. And you can't go back on it. Don't need about a million nicknames from you. I don't wanna have to keep track of them."
I just keep smiling, saying nothing. He smiles back at me as he wipes his tears away and puts his helmet back on.
And at that moment, I just knew everything would be okay. Somehow, the three of us would find a way to stop the Plagued Ones. Even if the world turns against us, we'll find a way.
I know we will. I just really hope that I don't have to lose Tear and Novus to succeed. Or… myself.