Dean grits his teeth, working against that sinking feeling deep in his chest that's been there since... since Billie and The Empty and I want what I know I can't have. Everything around him is muffled, hard to decipher, the only thing in his worldview that matters being the tomes of books he keeps pouring through, trying to find a way. Because every minute he spends on other stuff is another Cas spends suffering somewhere that Dean can't reach. And that has never, ever sat well with him. So he searches and he reads and he ignores everything else, determined to find a way- to bring Cas back, once and for all, and to keep him, because dammit, Chuck is gone, and-
But there's an underlying panic too, because he's failing, been through most of the books in the bunker and others he's found beyond and there's nothing, not even a hint of a way to get into the Empty and he's struggling to breathe, failure and nausea crashing over him in waves, and he just- he wants Cas back, he needs Cas here, by his side, so he can try to make up for everything that's been so wrong for years. He presses his thumbs into his eyes and he digs, trying to make himself feel something other than breathless fear.
Cas may be the one in the Empty, but Dean's never felt so hollow. Tears come then, hot and fast, and it feels like that night all over again, his loss, the shocking realizations in what Cas had said weighing heavily on Dean's mind, replaying consistently in his head. He hadn't had time to really absorb everything at the time- too much had been happening, but now, he has all the time in the world, and is unable to do anything about it.
He's choking on misery and pain when something touches him, warmth brushes down his cheeks, cradling his jaw, and he gasps, drawn slowly out of the muffled haze he'd dropped down into. He's tempted to fight free, but there's something comforting about the touch, something familiar, so he lets it stay, leans into it even. "...nightmare, Dean. You're alright."
It's not Sam's voice. The hands grounding him, dragging him back to the light, aren't Sam's. His eyes flicker open and they're itchy and his vision is blurry, light flashing against them oddly, so he shuts them tightly once more and he breathes out shakily, groping blindly for... something, anything. When his fist closes around fabric, he tugs, and the voice continues to murmur in his ear. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. You were sleeping peacefully earlier."
No, I wasn't, he thinks, tries to verbalize it, but all that seems to come out is a choked groan and the fingers around his face twitches. Gentle touches under his eyes continue, brushing at his tears, and that voice returns.
"Dean, open your eyes please." He doesn't want to, but he knows he has to, and this time, he can see a little clearer, met with a worried, intent gaze that he would recognize anywhere.
"Cas," he forces out, fingers gripping even tighter to the fabric he'd felt earlier- Cas' shirt.
"Yes, I'm here." He pulls Dean closer and his hands shift to massaging slow circles at the base of Dean's neck, and he slumps forward, pressing his face into Cas' chest, needing a second. Or two. "I'm sorry," Cas repeats himself. "You were sleeping peacefully when I got up. When I returned..." His voice falters for a moment, and his fingers tighten around Dean's neck.
It's agony to pull away from Cas' steady warmth when he still feels so shaky and weak, but Dean manages it and stares at him through wet eyes, sniffing. "You're really here," he reaffirms for himself, smoothing his hands down Cas' shoulders. "You're safe."
Cas smiles at him, slow and quiet, and nods. "Yes, I am."
Dean shivers over the memory of the dream, how he had felt in those days, so desperate, so tired, so sick inside. And then what the dream didn't allow him to feel- the sudden relief of pieces falling into place, figuring out how to fix it all, how to bring Cas back. And having it actually work the way he'd wanted, so Cas was once more here, by his side, and Sam was off starting his happy new life with Eileen, and... "Sorry, I guess my subconscious is just taking a little time to catch up with everything."
"It's fine," Cas soothes him. "A lot of things have changed recently."
"Yeah," Dean breathes out. "That's for damn sure." He glances at Cas again and allows his gaze to linger, reaching out to cup his face, just needing the point of contact. "Have I mentioned I'm really glad you're back? 'Cause I am."
Cas smiles at him. "A time or two, I suppose. I don't mind hearing it again though."
Dean huffs out a small laugh, pressing his forehead to Cas' and closing his eyes just to indulge in the moment for a little longer, before tilting his face and lightly kissing him.
Cas hums softly, and kisses back, grounding Dean even further in reality. After a few quiet moments, Cas nudges Dean back under the sheets and holds him, slowly stroking from his neck down his spine until Dean's eyes flutter shut once more and sleep reclaims him, his expression as peaceful and calm as it had been before.