Chapter 6 – Thirteen Months Ago – Part 2

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Present Day

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It was a majestic day when Chad finally managed to climb, leap, and fling himself up to the top of Mal's tall wardrobe. He had thought being up so high would be intimidating, but instead he felt accomplished – safe in his position above everything else. If someone wanted to get to him up here they'd have to work for it, and he liked that. It made him feel comfortable despite the dust, and he was contemplating taking a nap when the door to Mal and Ben's room opened up.

He pressed himself low to the top of the wardrobe, creeping forward so he could just peek over the ornamental decoration at the top of the furniture piece in time to see Ben and Jay… fighting with each other? They were definitely wrestling, or something, making their way close to the bed-

Chad's stomach dropped when he realized what, exactly, they were doing.

Ben and Jay were kissing, groping at each other's clothes and pressing against each other in a desperate heat that Chad didn't need to see. Just- what they did was their own business but what about Mal? Chad and Mal might not be friends, but he liked her, despite himself. She was bright and sparky and worked so hard to be a good Lady of the Court and now Ben was just cheating on her. He was letting Jay push him back onto the bed he shared with Mal, letting the ex-thief yank open the top few buttons of his shirt so Jay could start sucking on his neck.

Chad lost himself to that for a few seconds, remembering how it had felt to ride the wave of Jay's enthusiasm, the son of Jafar boxing Ben onto the bed so he could claim him – and then Chad remembered how wrong that was and how worse it was because they were cheating, slowly but surely stripping off clothes behind Mal's back.

"It'll be okay," Jay was muttering between kisses, Ben whining into them. "It will be okay, Ben. We'll find him, it will be fine."

"Just-" Ben gasped, holding Jay close, a dark flush spilling across the bridge of his nose. "Stay, please. Stay."

"I will," Jay pledged, capturing Ben's lips with an ease that indicated past experience.

Chad didn't wait any longer before hopping off the top of the wardrobe. He wasn't afraid of the distance this time, trusting his cat equilibrium to land him on his feet, and the moment his paws hit the carpeted floor he was off, exiting through the small crack in the door that led to the main room of the suite because they couldn't even care enough to properly hide their deeds.

It made Chad feel lost – betrayed, certainly, because he'd always thought better of Ben. He'd had hope for Jay, but Ben's good nature had felt like a certainty, and now that was ripped away from Chad. It was like he had to reevaluate his entire world order and he just- couldn't.

So he didn't.

He focused on throwing together a new plan on the fly, dedicating himself to that so he wouldn't have to deal with his basic understanding of life falling apart. He needed to get Mal. He didn't want to hurt her, but she deserved to know what was going on. And it hurt, thinking of how wounded she would be, knowing that his nuzzles and soft purrs wouldn't be enough to help her this time, but it needed to be done. As much as Chad loved Audrey, if they were together and she cheated on him, he'd want to know. He'd want to know what he did wrong so he could fix it, or if he couldn't, let her go so she'd be happy.

That was what led him to darting through the castle, moving at a furious pace before he remembered that Mal was probably with Uma. He course-corrected to the pirates' suite and was greeted with the two girls laughing on the couch together, Uma showing Mal something on her phone.

There were probably better ways of getting attention than running up, letting out his best cat wail before tugging at Mal's skirt, but that was all Chad had the coherency to manage.

"What the-?" Mal blinked down at him, watching as he pointedly tugged her skirt back towards the door. "Is something wrong, buddy?"

Chad let out a meow in confirmation, then grabbed her skirt again.

"Hey, no- stop that," Mal ordered, tapping his head gently. "I'll follow you, just-"

Chad let her go, scurrying back towards the door before releasing another testy meow. There was no time. Who knew how long Ben and Jay would be canoodling.

"That is one determined cat," Uma drawled, and then she was getting to her feet too, which- maybe Chad should stop this but also he just needed Mal and he didn't have the focus to try and push Uma away so he ended up doing nothing, waiting for Mal and Uma to follow him before darting back down the hallway.

"Hey!" Mal called after him as he paced in front of Ben's door. "Did something happen to Ben?"

At that point, Chad chose to say nothing, raising up on his back legs so he could batt at the door with his front paws.

"Damnit," Mal hissed under her breath, sharing a look with Uma. The captain nodded, cradling her shell necklace in her hand before Mal pushed the door open, striding determinately through the sitting room as she made a beeline for the master bedroom.

Chad tried to run interference with Uma, but that only resulted in him getting picked up, the pirate using one arm to tuck him against her chest while the two sorceresses barged through the grand doors to the bedroom.

There was a moment where everyone was frozen – Mal and Uma staring at Ben and Jay, who were now completely naked, their um- arousals being pumped together by one of Jay's calloused hands while Ben writhed under him, lips parted in a desperate pant. When they caught sight of Mal and Uma, the blushed furiously, but… didn't pull apart?

And then Mal was laughing.

Not like, hysterical laughing. It was genuine, gut busting, delightfully amused laughter, her head thrown back as the weight of her enjoyment shuddered through her.

"Oh, sweet evil," she giggled, rubbing mirthful tears from her eyes. "You dipshits have to check the room for Shadow before you have sex, alright? Because he- he must have-"

"Oh, fuck," Uma laughed, collapsing against Mal as they just sort of giggled together. "He thought- he must have thought they were fighting."

"I mean," Mal snorted. "They certainly get enthusiastic enough."

"Guys," Ben groaned, hiding his face in one hand. "Could you please just-"

"Oh no," Mal declared, tugging Uma over towards her desk, pulling the chair out and angling it so it would face the bed. "You don't take proper precautions – get us all worried you're being attacked or something – you get to put on a show."

"Works for me," Jay drawled, nuzzling Ben's throat as he started moving his hand again. "His majesty performs better with an audience anyway."

What. Was. Happening.

"Think of this as a sample," Mal said as she gestured for Uma to sit down, deciding to perch on the edge of her desk as they watched the two guys just… go at it. "If you decide to- you know."

"We're still talking about it," Uma hummed, cradling Chad closer to her chest and petting a hand down his back. "I'm not sure Jay and Harry would get along."

"I think they'd manage," Mal drawled. "With the right motivation." She tilted her head pointedly to where Ben was spreading his legs, hips jutting into Jay's attention with a soft moan. "I think that's pretty encouraging, don't you?"

"It sure as shit isn't a detriment," Uma replied, continuing to trade conversation like she was discussing the weather. Chad didn't have any idea what they were talking about, or what was even going on. He had the feeling that if Mal was amused then Jay and Ben must have permission to have sex with each other or something, but based on what she was saying with Uma… did Mal want to include Gil and Harry in this too? Were they practicing?

"Good boy, Shadow," Mal whispered as she scratched behind his ears, gaze shifting between him and the um- enthusiastic picture on the bed. "Go ahead and get me any time you see something like this."

"You really think he can understand you?" Uma asked, seeming genuinely curious.

"Gil seems to think so," Mal said, shrugging. "Couldn't hurt to ask."

"If it got you more of this, you mean?" Uma prompted, one brow raised.

Mal did not back down. "Sure," she chirped. "It's a good view."

"Pervert," Uma said, but she was grinning, seemed delightfully pleased by the transaction.

Mal winked at her. "You know it."

So that was how Chad came to watch Ben and Jay have sex, and somehow, that wasn't the strangest part of the transaction. He didn't know what to think, only that he shouldn't be seeing this- they wouldn't want him to, but-

He was there, and he was only (internally) human.

And he… he missed Jay, a little. Just a little.

He refused to miss Ben.

So. This was fine. It was fine.

He had to hold onto that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

13 Months Ago

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Because Corona had a way of fast-tracking paperwork via royal decree in cases of extreme emergency, filing the paperwork for Uma to be claimed as a refugee was the work of maybe ten minutes. This paperwork was then filed and sealed in Corona's private records, and then the copy that was supposed to be sent to Auradon was conveniently 'lost', and would remain that way until Ben rescinded the report-on-sight order for Uma.

Chad had to hand it to Ruby's parents, they were crafty and efficient people. Made him wish some of their moxy might rub off on him one day.

"Now," King Eugene declared as he ushered them out of his office. "Let's get you guys some food and dry clothes like good hosts instead of dedicated interrogators."

The queen sighed. "Eugene."

"All for the sake of national security, of course," the king dismissed with a wave of his hand. "So, how do you guys feel about pizza?"

As lost as Chad felt at the sudden change of pace, Uma seemed to be even more listless, coming to a halt in the middle of the hallway. "That's it?" she said, her hands curling into fists. "You guys have one conversation and decide that we're all friends, now?"

The king considered her carefully. "We're allies more than anything else," he settled on. "We all want the same thing here, Captain. And I know it must be frustrating that we can't come up with a more expedient resolution, but if you work with us while Chad meets with the other kingdoms, we can have solutions prepped and ready to go by the time the council passes the legislature. You are integral to that. Blondie and I-" He motioned to the queen. "-and even Chad, don't have the slightest idea what the children of the Isle will need. You do. It's up to you to help us get them settled, to help create protections for them."

"I know you can do it," Queen Rapunzel said quietly. "You've already proven yourself dedicated to your cause a million times over. We can't just drop the barrier – you know better than us that some of those villains need to be there – but we can get the kids off. And then from there, we can work towards even more reforms, but first-"

"The kids," Uma interrupted with a slow nod. "…fine. I still think it's ludicrous that you trust me."

The king hummed. "You'll be pleased to know that we don't. At least, not entirely." He grinned. "I don't doubt that your heart's in the right place, but we do have one condition for you staying here."

"Aside from following our basic laws," the queen added. "That shell necklace-"

"No." Uma's hands curled around it in an instant, clutching it close to her. "No, you can't have it."

"We don't want it," the king replied brightly, catching Uma off-guard. "But we do know it's a magical artifact of great power. It's what set off the magic-detection alarm, actually."

"We want to trust you," Queen Rapunzel said. "But we also don't want you to be tempted when this process drags on for longer than expected."

"And how long do you think this will take?" Uma snapped.

The king's face contorted into a look of concentration. "I dunno – probably a year at the soonest."

"A year?"

"So you can see why we're concerned," Queen Rapunzel continued. "We're not asking you to completely disarm yourself in unfamiliar territory. You'll still be allowed any weapons that make you comfortable, but…" She shared a look with her husband, then nodded. "We'd like you to leave your necklace with Chad."

"Um…" Chad blinked, taken off guard by his inclusion. "What?"

"You've trusted him this far," King Eugene said. "And he clearly trusts you."

"We're not asking you to give up your magic completely," the queen said. "I know it's a part of you, like this-" She motioned to her thick braid. "-is a part of me. But we'd like to restrict your usage to when Chad is present."

"For a probationary period," the king said. "We're not total assholes, we're just-"

"Practical," Uma snarled, her shoulders hunching defensively. And yet, it didn't look like she was ready to run. It was more like she knew they were right but was reluctant to surrender to that. "…I want a sword before I hand it over."

"Done." The king grinned. "I'll do you one better and include dry clothes and a shower."

Uma made a face. "What's a shower?"

"Oh, my darling dewdrop," King Eugene gasped, though thankfully the queen batted him away with a wide smile.

"Ignore him," she said. "It's something you should have always had access to, and we are glad to be able to provide you with one."

"Well, if they're that good, I suppose I can take a look," Uma allowed, and that was how Chad and Uma came to be shepherded towards a guest suite for visiting royals by the king and queen of Corona, exhausted and emotionally drained but… good?

Yes, this seemed good. Or at the very least, promising.

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"We'll have Nigel bring you fresh clothes," Queen Rapunzel said as she motioned Uma towards what would be her room. "And you can turn in your dress for cleaning if you'd like or-"

"I'll hold onto it," Uma said as she examined the space, both brows raising as she evaluated the fancy room, done in the familiar purple and golds of Corona.

"Cool," King Eugene chirped. "In that case, I'll just show Chad to his room next door-"

"Nope." Uma shook her head, her expression of muted wonder replaced with one of stubborn insistence. "He's staying."

"Um…" It was weird to hear a king sound so completely baffled, and while Chad wanted to hold onto that novelty, he also decided it was best to move on before Uma blew a gasket out of exhaustion.

"It's okay," Chad said. "We'll just take turns."

Queen Rapunzel put a hand on the king's shoulder before he could protest.

"Okay," she said eventually, giving both of them a soft smile. "We'll just arrange for those clothes, then."

"And food!" the king said, making a swift recovery, and it wasn't long before both of them disappeared back into the sitting room, then out into the hallway beyond that.

"Those fucks sure are chipper," Uma drawled, though it mostly seemed to be for show. She was swaying on her feet, clearly at the end of her rope, and Chad wasted no time wrapping an arm around her once more, guiding her towards the large bathroom. "…the fuck?" The words left Uma's lips distractedly, her brows furrowed as she took in the smooth tile and gleaming fixtures. "Is this where royal people get clean?"

"Usually," Chad said, setting her down on the ottoman positioned by one of the vanity mirrors so he could get the shower started up. Royals usually used something like this, unless they were Chad, and got downgraded to cold water and a hose, or downgraded again to a bucket, unless he was doing a public appearance.

It was one of the many reasons he loved school, because while he could lose his access to a comfy bed, his grandfather couldn't restrict him from his bathroom, with its glorious running water and heat and soft towels.

"This is a shower," Chad explained, motioning to the glassed-in stall. "It's designed so that the water falls down on you from above – sort of like rain. It's faster than a bath, and um… feels really good after a long day."

"Which I've had," Uma noted with a half-lidded gaze, watching in muted interest as Chad started up the gentle spray of water. "I'll be honest, I didn't think this would be how my day would end."

"…hooray?" Chad tried. Up until now, he'd had confidence through the sheer need of required action, but now that the plans had been settled, he was just dumb Chad again. "Um… there's shower gel in here, which is basically soap. You use that on your body and um- there's also shampoo and conditioner for your hair, and it looks like there's some face wash too – that stuff's usually more gentle than the stuff you'd use on your body-"

"I'll figure it out," Uma declared, standing up with a slow stretch. "Now, you watch the door while I test out this thing."

"Okay." Chad nodded, moving to leave.

Uma cleared her throat. "Watch it from the inside," she explained, where she could see him, but also where he could see her.

Chad felt his cheeks heat in a furious blush, but nodded nonetheless, curling up against the wall in a spot where he could keep an eye on the door and also not see Uma in the reflection of the mirror. He felt painfully aware of the slap of wet clothing hitting the ground, the soundless swing of the glass door as she climbed inside, and then a pleased groan of satisfaction when the warm water hit her body.

"Oh, fuck," she moaned, voice reverberating off the clean tile. "No wonder the king was sad, this shit's awesome."

"Yeah," Chad flushed. "It is."

And he would get one too. So that was something.

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Uma insisted on returning the favor of keeping guard, curled in a large fluffy guest robe while she stared at the door, openly laughing at his shy antics. Chad knew from Jay and the others that bashfulness was a trait long-trained out of the Isle kids by necessity, but that didn't make Chad any more comfortable bathing in front of a pretty girl he had just met that day. He wondered if this would add to his 'tainted-ness' and decided that this could be a secret Audrey never learned. It wouldn't hurt her, and it wasn't like Chad was throwing himself at Uma, the way he'd done for Jay. That had been embarrassing.

Chad was the one to exit the bedroom in a fluffy robe of his own to discover a delivery of clothes waiting near the entrance of the sitting room. It was sleepwear, of course, along with a selection of um- underthings that Chad decided not to focus on when he brought the load back to the bedroom.

Uma didn't hesitate to disrobe once she collected her clothes, forcing Chad to turn away and slide into his own pajamas. They were soft- so soft, and big, likely intended for a larger person so the sleeves brushed against his knuckles and the pants dragged passed his heels, but it was still comfortable. Uma seemed similarly armed, though her pajamas were in turquoise and purple – the king and queen already learning how to appease her.

"They left food, too," Chad said, remembering the other delivery that had been waiting for them, and that was all the information Uma needed before moving back into the sitting room.

"What," she began to ask, nudging the pizza box and assortment of snack foods with a furrowed brow. "-the fuck is this?"

"Pizza," Chad said, his mouth already watering from the smell. How long had it been since he'd had pizza? It felt like forever. "It's um- really good. I'll just-"

And that was how they came to have a junk food picnic on the floor of the royal family guestroom, Uma's face lighting up with wonder at each new bite of food between examinations of her new sword, which had been left along with the provisions.

"Fuck," Uma said through a yawn, stretching her arms over her head while Chad cleaned up their mess. "You Auradon assholes can get stuff like this? No wonder you're so happy."

Happiness was a relative thing, but Chad understood where she was coming from.

"Um…" Chad swallowed. "So… bedtime?"

"Yeah," Uma sighed, rising to her feet in a soundless movement.

Chad expected to part ways with her there, maybe finding the other bedroom shared in the suite, but she snagged his wrist when she walked by, pulling him back towards the original room.

"Don't get any big ideas," she muttered, climbing under the comforter with a contented smile. "You're here for security purposes. If they try to attack me, they'll have to pause to make sure they hit the right person, which should give me time to wake up."

"Um…" Chad didn't feel as uneasy as he probably should have climbing into bed with her. The mattress was huge anyway. And soft. "…they're not gonna attack you."

"Yeah." Uma yawned. "I'll believe that when I see it."

Exhaustion claimed Chad before he had a chance to respond, the toll of the day finally weighing on him, dragging him into a dreamless sleep.

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"…a summer program?" Chad asked, scanning the very official looking documents King Eugene had handed to him during breakfast. Uma didn't attempt to be subtle as she read over his shoulder, leaning into his space and mouthing the words as she read them.

"For Ruby!" the king chirped, sharing a grin with his wife. "And you, of course. We have decided to extend an official invitation for you to stay over the course of the summer. On paper, it will be so that Ruby has an opportunity to work on her tutoring skills – thereby satisfying your credit for summer school." Which Chad had, now and for as long as he could remember. His entire life seemed to be books, which was amazing, since he seemed so bad at reading them. "But realistically, it's so we'll be able to more easily sneak you out to other kingdoms to gain support for your proposals."

"I don't think my grandfather will allow that," Chad admitted, trying to be realistic.

For some reason, this made Queen Rapunzel's gaze get sharper, even though she maintained an easy smile. "He'll have to," she assured him. "He could only decline on the concerns of maintaining your education, and since this proposal is to address that exclusively, to decline it would be a slight against Corona."

"And as little as he dislikes us," King Eugene cut in. "He can't actually afford to do that."

"You'll be packing up to go home in the next few days, right?" the queen asked, sorting through her papers.

"Um… no." Chad handed off his own papers to Uma so he could poke at his food. "Fairy Godmother lets me stay on-campus for summer school. My tutors usually help me review in the library."

There was a brief silence.

The king was the one that broke it. "Well," he said, a little too loudly. "That just means we can call him sooner, isn't it? Summer's about to start in a few days. We'll send you back this morning before anyone realizes you're missing, then contact you when we can pick you up again."

It was more effort than Chad's own family had extended for him in years, but Chad reminded himself that it was for the good of the kingdom, and that he shouldn't get touched by it. Now was not the time.

"Here." The Queen passed something else over for Chad and Uma, and when the prince looked up, it was to see two new cellphones – one in purple, the other light blue. "I noticed your ride across the ocean trashed your other phone."

Right. Chad hadn't even taken it out of his suit pocket when he'd handed it over to the servants for cleaning.

"This way, you guys can talk to each other!" the king continued brightly. "We also built in a nice feature where neither of the devices can be tracked, so there won't be any digital footprints of your summer expedition."

"That…" Chad cradled the phone close to him, staring at it with a distinct swell of warmth building in his chest. "Thank you, your majesties. Thank you very much."

"This doesn't mean you own me," Uma warned, levering a finger at them as she considered her own phone. Chad almost wanted to giggle if he didn't know that her aggression had been cultivated for a reason.

As though knowing this, the king smiled. "Of course not, captain. We're allies now, remember? Allies work together, and that includes arming each other with the necessary tools. In our case, it's a phone. In your case, it's knowledge of the Isle."

Uma hummed, but decided to accept this explanation for what it was.

It made Chad all the more aware of the shell necklace tucked underneath his shirt, seeming to buzz gently against his skin. Uma had handed it over after they'd finished getting ready that morning without a word, and Chad knew what that meant for her, knew that she only managed it because of how much she cared about the Isle.

"This is the start of a lovely con," the king continued with a bright smile. "Here's to hoping we pull it off."

"We're going to," the queen pledged, her expression serene, but gaze almost as serious as Uma's. "This time, we're going to."

Honestly, that was all that needed to be said.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Chad didn't end up going back to school.

He suspected Queen Rapunzel kept him around because he made Uma more at ease. She'd guided them to a private library that had all the applicable Auradon law books they would need to begin working on their proposals, along with updated information on all the kingdoms' current economic statuses, their employment rates, the number of homeless – all to get a general feel for how a sudden influx of children would affect any and all of them. They threw themselves into the work, Queen Rapunzel working alongside them, until before they knew it, it was lunchtime. And then dinner time. And then the king was forcing all of them to go to bed.

They must have sent someone to the school to pack up his things for him because they arrived sometime the next day, and Uma sort of helped Chad unpack while she also sort of helped herself to some of his clothes, not that he minded. It was actually sort of nice to see her walking around in one of his light blue sweaters, the soft material standing out against her dark skin.

This wasn't what he'd expected to come from Cotillion, but… he couldn't find it in himself to be upset. This was ultimately better. He was proving himself and helping Ben, and while Chad knew he couldn't- shouldn't touch Ben, ever, it was nice to be able to help despite being a certified idiot. And with Uma by his side, he seemed to be getting a little bit smarter every day.

Things could only get better from here. He hoped.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Present Day

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Uma scratches were the best scratches. Chad gave Gil the credit he was due as being his first friend – the one who had taken him in and essentially-loved him without question – so he always came first, but Chad had to admit there was nothing quite like spending an afternoon sprawled in Uma's lap while the pirate scritch-scratched behind his ears. Chad himself would have never ranked that amount of attention, but it was something he greatly looked forward to as Shadow the cat.

He liked it even more when Uma was bundled on the couch between Gil and Harry, her legs spread across Harry's lap while she pressed into Gil's side so the blond could offer Chad the occasional rub, making it a lovely afternoon.

Things were progressing in a wonderfully lazy fashion until Mal spoke up from the other side of the room, where she and Jay were attempting to tag-team Ben in a game of dominos. "Hey, turn that up, would you?"

It was rare for Harry to comply without making some sort of snarky comment, so Chad cracked one of his eyes open to see what was so interesting, and caught a picture of his human self splayed across the television screen in what seemed to be some sort of news update.

"-Prince Chadwick was last seen exiting the Central Bus Depot in Auradon City," the newscaster informed them. "This is the last recorded footage we have of the prince before he went missing." His picture was replaced with the grainy public security footage from the camera stationed inside the bus depot, and sure enough there he was, cap pulled low, wearing the nondescript hoody he had ditched as soon as he'd gotten close to Auradon castle. "Private sources indicate that Prince Chadwick was on his way to Auradon Castle at the invitation of King Benjamin before he went missing. To date, there is no new information regarding the prince's status. As of right now King Christopher and Duke Francis of Sardinia have made no comment on the situation, though there seems to be a lot of unanswered questions regarding this disappearance. Why did Prince Chadwick use the bus system? Why was he traveling on foot? Did he have arrangements for another mode of transportation that went south? And more pressingly, is this disappearance an unhappy coincidence with the lowering of the barrier, or is someone trying to further sabotage the cause of the Isle refugees by targeting young royalty? We can do nothing but speculate at this point-"

Harry muted the program before the anchor could continue, expression set in a serious frown as Chad let that information wash over him. He wasn't surprised that his father and grandfather hadn't made a statement yet- they likely wouldn't, but he hadn't considered that his disappearance might be linked to the recent release of the villains.

"What is this, Ben?" Mal had drifted closer to the television over the course of the newscast, and now stood hovering just over Harry's shoulder. "You said you were looking for him-"

"I was," Ben sighed, rising from the table, Jay following behind him so they could all stare at the tv. "I am. But when I turned up with nothing using conventional means – and Carlos – I had to file an official report with the Inspectors Office so they could launch a more detailed investigation."

"And what, they have nothing?" The fact that Mal seemed legitimately upset by this surprised Chad, but then again, maybe it shouldn't be that shocking at all, since his lack of presence could set back the rights she was trying to establish for the Isle refugees. "Are you saying he's been gone for two weeks and no one knows where he is?"

Chad rolled onto his back to get a better view of Ben, and was greeted with an expression that seemed to be trying painfully hard not to be defeated. "They're investigating all avenues," he said instead of 'yes'.

"Just get the magic mirror out of the museum," Mal snarled. "We use that, we could find him in a second-"

"The magic ban is still in effect, Mal," Jay said quietly, his tone strangely detached. Maybe he was bored. "We can still use our magic, unofficially, but we can't access any of our parents' gear."

"Then let's cast a damn spell," Mal snapped, snapped – but not for Chad. He had to remember that. She was worried about the VKs. "Uma, you feel like getting mystical?"

"Mal…" Jay didn't sigh, but his neutral tone seemed to crack into something a little more wounded. "I um… already tried that."

There was a pause, Uma's hand stilling against Chad's head while they all stared at Jay.

Huh, that was awfully nice of him.

"…and?" Mal said, cutting through Jay's dramatic pause for the sake of practicality.

The other teen hesitated for a moment, and then- "I couldn't find anything."

"Of course you couldn't." Mal was rolling her eyes now. "But the three of us together-"

"There was magical interference," Jay elaborated, making Mal stop short.

The queen to-be paused, staring at him as though he was unfathomable, then visibly regathered herself. "What do you mean there was magical interference?"

"I mean," Jay said, jaw seeming to clench together in annoyance – maybe he was upset she doubted his skills. "That whatever took him didn't want us to find him, and specifically accommodated for magical tracking."

There was a tense pause.

Luckily, it was Uma that spoke up next, because it seemed like Mal was about to blow a gasket. "Are you saying that we've got- what? The next Maleficent on our hands? And they started with Chad?"

"Or Jafar," Jay said, tone cold. "Or Evil Queen, or Ursula, or Dr. Facilier."

"It doesn't matter who they are," Mal snapped, her hands flexing into claw-like motions against her sides. "What matters is they took Chad. They hit us where it would hurt but there's no way they would have known it would hurt-"

"Calm down, poser," Uma drawled, the only one crazy enough to taunt Mal when she was worked up like this, but Uma did it because she was a badass. "Don't jump to conclusions. They may have just snagged blondie because they wanted a royal and he was easy pickings, walking on his own like that."

"I wish we knew why he was on foot," Ben muttered, seeming genuinely distressed that he was presented with a problem he could not immediately solve. "I've tried reaching out to Chad's father but I keep getting the run around. No one wants to explain anything, and Carlos couldn't find any text history to support Chad's actions."

"What are ye thinking?" Harry asked, perking up. "That maybe someone faked an account and told him he had to walk up?"

"Chad would do it, if he thought Ben wanted him to," Mal declared, jaw clenched, though she seemed more composed now that she was working her way through the problem. "But if Carlos couldn't backtrack anything-"

"Maybe you're thinking too high tech," Uma offered. "There are such things as letters. Maybe someone slipped him a note."

"If they did, it'd be in Sardinia," Ben sighed. "There's no way we'd get access to it, assuming it still even exists."

"No way we'd get access by asking," Mal said, a smirk growing on her face. "Maybe we could just… forget to do that. Have a look around."

Ben's expression fell. "Mal-"

"We need to do something!" Mal pressed with a dramatic sweep of her arms. "Maybe Sardinia has its own private investigation going on, maybe they don't, but we need to do something proactive or I'm going to tear out of my damn skin."

"And you're surprised he didn't tell you about the investigation," Uma drawled, not so much as twitching when Mal bared her teeth at her. "Prissy pants- get over here and pet this cat. When you've calmed down we can come up with an actual plan – one that highlights the benefits of 'plausible deniability'. Harry." The first mate snapped to attention. "Take Ben on a walk, would you? Maybe help him with some… stress relief activities."

That was likely code for sparring with swords and Chad didn't know what she was thinking – Ben couldn't hold his shit together enough in this condition, he'd probably nick himself on the blade just preparing for a match, and yet-

And yet, he still nodded, cheeks flushing in embarrassment at having to be ordered to relax while Harry slid from the couch in a satisfied prowl, deftly taking Ben's hand before tugging the king from the room.

It took about two seconds for Mal to claim his spot, plopping down with a scowl. "You know sex doesn't fix everything, right?" she offered as a total non-sequitur.

Maybe she wanted Uma to feel as off balanced as she was.

The captain seemed unaffected by this drastic conversational change. "Maybe, but it can't hurt." Without asking, she scooped Chad up between her hands, depositing him into Mal's lap before he could so much as meow a protest.

Which he would have done, but then Mal started scratching him and Mal's scratches were second only to Uma's.

"…at least I can keep you happy," Mal muttered when Chad began to purr. She was right though – Cat Chad was easy to satisfy. He needed so very little.

Because of that, he only listened with half an ear while they hashed out potential solutions for his disappearance. Eventually, they would realize there was no evil villain besides Chad's incompetence, and that despite his position as prince, he really was replaceable. Time would pass and their reforms wouldn't be affected and they would let Chad go, and Shadow the cat would get to stay in his place – making everyone happy.

It was the perfect system.

Maybe. Hopefully.

-:-:-:-:-:-

It wasn't until later, when Uma was alone with her first mate after he had helped Ben 'relax', that Harry decided to speak up.

"…ye said ye had cast a danger detection spell on him, didn't ye?" he asked, his voice carefully neutral. "Did that ever, ye know…"

Uma's shoulders tensed. "I took it off him when he left Corona."

It had been for the best, but the way she put it made it sound like a betrayal on his part, even though Chad had only been trying to help.

"Why didn't ye say anything?" the first mate drawled, drawing his hand across Chad's back in a lazy pet as they tried to unwind in their private suite. "Since he was helping with the reforms? Ye know full well he could have been targeted for that."

"Maybe," Uma allowed with a frown. "But Chad was careful to keep his involvement a secret and only talk to people he trusted. That means if one of them did target him…"

"We've got a narrowed suspect pool," Harry finished with a hum.

Uma flashed an appreciative look at him. "One we shouldn't spook off by setting Mal on their heels." She reached over, scratching behind Harry's ear before letting her hand drop to repeat the action on Chad. "I'll talk to King Eugene. He's a crafty fuck. He can start digging into things subtly and he'll get the information because people like him."

"Because ye like him," Harry grumbled, and Chad wasn't surprised when the captain reached up to smack the back of his head.

"Don't be stupid, Harry," she ordered. "The only people I like are you guys."

She didn't elaborate who that entailed, and yet Chad knew perfectly well who she was referring to.

Harry waited a few seconds, and then- "And Chad, yes?"

Uma hummed, but otherwise didn't reply. Looked like she was finally getting into that whole 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything' suggestion of Chad's. And she'd even done it in his honor.

If you thought about it, it was really sweet.

Well, it didn't matter if Uma liked Chad or not. She liked Shadow, and Shadow was there to stay.

The end.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Endnotes:

Thank you guys for the reviews! Your support is greatly appreciated, and I'm always happy to bring ninja cat Chad and more Uma!

Story notes:

Pretty sure Nigel is like, an advisor to the king in the Tangled animated series, but for the sake of this story he is now a butler. Hooray.

Until next time :)