Once the Observatory was in our sights, a wave of calming relief washed over me. I had been patrolling and training below without rest for so long now that I had nearly forgotten how beautiful the place truly was. Carved completely out of light, golden flecked stone granted to us by The Almighty, the Observatory consisted of multiple tiers connected by massive columns and held together by a central tower. Since the skies are our true home, there was very little that wasn't open to the air or had large apertures in which Celestrians could easily fly through. The outermost sections were carpeted in greenery and dotted with small, well manicured trees; not a single leaf left out of place. The structure set atop a thin, floating island nestled in the heavens, veiled from mortal eyes. It was as ancient and sturdy as those that dwelled within; it was my home, a sight nearly too sweet for master Aquila and I after being away so long for the zenith of my training.
Though the entrance we needed was found underneath the base of the island, it was not uncommon for any Celestrian returning home to soar high above it instead. We took this small detour just to get a glimpse of Yggdrasil, the sacred tree that grew proud atop our home, dazzling like an array of verdant jewels. As I gazed down upon the small field where She stood, I reminded myself today would be the first time I would be allowed direct access to Her. Knowing that numbed the pain of giving up those fleeting human emotions trapped within the Benevolessence I carried. After a quiet moment had passed, the two of us dipped below the floating rock base of the Observatory and flew up through a portal that led into the heart of our home.
The main hall was buzzing with its usual activity. Apprentice Celestrians flew overhead, looking harried and slightly desperate; they zipped back and forth from their various dormitories toting tomes, ledgers and various other articles around like mortal pack mules, all of which no doubt needed in their studies or requested by their respective masters. The low roar of assorted chatter was accompanied by the cheerful gurgle of water spouting from the large, cerulean Wing-Halo statues adorning every corner of our palace - reminders of our perfect Celestrian form.
It was a much different place from Angel Falls - nearly its antithesis in many ways - but when I closed my eyes, the mixture of sound and water made the two locations feel incredibly similar for that brief second. Something about that thought tugged at my heart; perhaps I was finally becoming as attached to the mortal realm as master Aquila was.
"As you should well know," he said suddenly, turning towards me, "the first task a guardian must perform upon returning from the Protectorate is to report to Apus Major. As unchanging as the North Star, you shall find him in the Great Hall."
I gave him a knowing smile. "I am not so hopeless as to forget where to always find my old master. But will you not be reporting with me as usual?"
He shook his head. "I have other matters to attend to. You must excuse me." He said as he walked away, so briskly he was nearly running.
I frowned. It was odd for master Aquila not to see procedure all the way through. Typically, he insisted on keeping a scrutinizing eye on me whenever I gave a report or did anything that might reflect on him and his teaching. In fact, I scarcely had a moments privacy since I had become his apprentice. After all our recent training together - his meticulous and unbending nature the only company I've had - it felt strange not to feel his glare boring into the back of my head. Perhaps he was accepting that I had earned an independent role among our kind. Maybe that was what I saw in his eyes earlier, acceptance. Small wonder I couldn't identify it.
Just then, someone spoke to me. "Welcome home, Altairis. You have just returned from the Protectorate, I take it?"
I jumped a little in surprise before spinning around to greet the woman behind me. It had been a while since we had last spoke, but I would always recognize the honey rich voice of the Celestrian I considered mother.
If the Observatory was a sight for sore eyes, then Deneb was even more so. All of my life she has looked the same; her swaths of silky viridian hair were tied back in a deceptively simple bun that she always managed to make look like the epitome of elegance, her red and silver gate keeper uniform was tailored to perfection and positively spotless. Her large white wings almost dwarfed her lean frame, and though she had lived lifetimes before I was even created, not a single line of age marred her perpetually youthful face.
"Deneb!" I exclaimed as we shared a short embrace, "Yes, I am finally home. And look! I have brought back my first Benevolessence." I said, presenting the glowing crystal in my hands.
She gasped as she touched the glassy exterior of the stone, no doubt feeling the surge of energies within."That is most wonderful, my daughter! You must go at once and report this to Apus Major. He will be as proud as I am, to be sure." she smiled, her dark eyes glittering.
"Oh, but I have so much I want to talk to you about. It has been so long since I have had decent company-ooh, and I had my first real battle today and everything!" I pleaded.
Deneb's deep laugh rang pleasantly throughout the large hall. "That kind of news is far more exciting for someone like your brother than it is for me, worried as I have been! Besides, you must not keep the elder waiting; he has been most anxious for your return."
"Yes, I suppose you are right." I sighed. "Though honestly I am more concerned with what lecture master Aquila would have in store for me if he caught me relaxing for a mere second."
Deneb stifled a small giggle and smiled in sympathy. "All the more reason for you to hurry on your way. As much as I respect Aquila, I cannot stand his squawking. Save us both from its cacophony. "
I made no effort to repress my bout of laughter as I said my farewell and began to make my way through the familiar space I had been missing so much. Deneb's frank and earnest nature was a refreshing change from the strict master-apprentice relationship I had been bound to since I had left. It renewed the appreciation that I had for my family and set me at ease.
Though she didn't give birth to me in the way mortal mothers do their children, the woman I called mother and the boy I claimed as brother were indeed special to me in a way greater than the other Celestrians were, and I have spent my entire existence by their sides. I learned from them, trained with them, studied and communed with them. Every important facet of my life has been permeated by their knowledge, humor and smiles; we were as close to family as Celestrians could manage, and few of our kind ever try. Born from stars, we have no true relatives, we have only the relationships we forge ourselves. I have always believed that looked at that way, they were even more precious than the mortal bonds forced by blood.
I looked again at the Benevolessence in my hands, feeling those strange human emotions tingle against my fingertips. We may not feel in quite the same ways humans do, but we can still care and grow attachments to one another. That fact begged the question, how fundamentally different were we really?
"Altairis!" A voice called out to me, breaking me away from my introspection.
I looked to my right and recognized the woman who had beckoned me. Dusty blue hair was piled atop her head in a mess of pins, and she wore the tell-tale white and gold uniform of the many Celestrians who never set foot outside of the Observatory, preferring instead to see to the upkeep of our home rather than do field work - a fate I had nearly resigned myself to before Apus Major intervened. The stone jawed male sitting across from her wore the guardians garb like myself, minus an apprentices badge.
"Altairis, is it true that mortals cannot see us Celestrians?" the woman inquired as I got close.
"Indeed, it is true. For some reason they are the only manner of creature who cannot discern our presence when we don our halos. If we removed them maybe then the mortals could see us, but of course that is against law. Although I understand wandering human spirits can-"
"Truly? So they do not see us, even if we stand right before their eyes? What feeble beings!" she sneered.
I frowned. "Feeble indeed. But is that not why we were given the task to protect them?"
The blond Celestrian scoffed. "I work hard to drive off monsters and perform other service for those I am charged with protecting as a Guardian. But they offer up not the slightest thanks. Is there really any need to watch over these ungrateful mortals? I have my doubts."
I balked at his words. "To doubt what holy task we were given is to doubt the Almighty Himself. You, as my senior, know that far better than I do."
Now it was the woman's turn to laugh; a gratingly high pitched sound. "Oh my! Do you not just adore youth? It is a small wonder how the apprentice of both our Apus Major and resident stick in the mud, Aquila, became so self-righteous."
I felt my voice harden as I spoke. "Call me what you like, but you do not guard over the mortals as I have chosen to do or as he has chosen to do, " I said, gesturing to the crestfallen Guardian, "So who are you to speak of the pride I have in my work or the dedication I have in looking after my flock?"
There was silence. The blonde simply nodded his head numbly.
"Now if you will excuse me, I must report to Apus Major." I said as I spun on my heel and left.
I could only faintly hear the biting, derisive comments made as I took my leave of them, but the situation had me worried. It was true that many of the Guardians were finding it more and more difficult to watch over their flock, mostly due to the upsurge in monsters. The more monsters there were, the harder it was for Guardians to protect the mortals and still perform all the smaller duties to keep them happy. Without those smaller gestures being done, mortals become less and less thankful and begin to try the patience of Celestrians. That fact coupled with all the other moral burdens that come with being the superior creature made the attitude in the Observatory considerably dimmer than when I had left. Still, in all of our libraries and studies there are books written by the most senior of Celestrians, passing down the sacred edict given to them by the Almighty when He still dwelled among us. 'We Celestrians are a gift to mankind', they say. Who are we to argue? No matter how tedious they become, we must always press on in our protection of humankind. It is our purpose, and nothing beyond that can matter.
When I emerged from the stairs and into the Great Hall, a sense of excitement consumed my musings as I remembered just why it was I had came there.
The Great Hall wasn't any less busy than the floor below, but there was a different breed of activity here - scholars and students looking for books or a chance to get away from their masters often found themselves quietly frequenting the massive library to the west, and tired Celestrians fresh from combat training went to check their weapons in at the armory to the east. All in all, it was a far more hushed sort of bustling, which was probably why Apus Major spent so much of his time here; it was central but not overwhelming.
As I approached the seat the elder normally took, I realized he was instead on the large balcony behind it, wistfully gazing out into the sky around us. It wasn't too surprising to see the ancient Celestrian spending his time outside, just staring.
When I was his personal apprentice, before he asked Aquila to train me for Guardianship instead, he often made me complete my studies outdoors just so he had an excuse for some fresh air. He admitted to me that he dearly missed his days soaring down into the Protectorate himself and that his duties as our leader in the Almighty's absence left him with little time to take flight when he felt like it.
I debated whether or not I should bother him. On one hand, I knew he was expecting me and it was my job to report back right away. On the other hand, I was already late and he looked so peaceful. His long white beard whipped about in the gentle breeze as he clasped his large, gnarled, working man's hands behind his back. His fine, forest green and vermilion robes draped around his short, stocky body almost like a beloved blanket and I could see the profile of a small, contended smile resting on his wrinkled face.
Though the idea of ignoring orders rankled my already sore post-training nerves, I gave into my debatably better nature and decided to leave him to his leisure as I took a quick peek into the library. I knew Columba would be there, and where I would find Columba, I was almost certain to find her apprentice, my brother. I might as well stop by and let him know I returned safely and show off my Benevolessence before I offered it to Yggdrasil. Though technically older than I, Gallus was still a fledging. Child-like in body and demeanor, he was relegated to library busy work even though he dreamed of Guardianship. Surely, the least a good sibling could do is share news of their coveted adventures.
As I wandered the aisles of the massive library, enjoying the unique smell of so much bound paper in one place, I heard a cooing female voice from the back of the room and recognized it as Columba's. I hurried towards the sound, through rows of towering, ornate shelves, assuming she spoke with my brother. It was not until I neared the back corner where she kept her personal desk that I realized she spoke to my master instead.
Disappointed and worried I would suffer a tirade if found, I began to turn back and let them continue uninterrupted whatever pointless disagreement they were having this time. Until I heard just who it was they were discussing.
"I was surprised to hear of Altairis' promotion. I did not expect you to permit it so soon." Columba said tentatively, obviously probing for a reaction.
"You assume too much, Columba. I also believe it is too soon for her to take on a Guardianship. It was Apus Major's decision."
The breath stilled in my lungs and I felt as though time itself slowed. What was he saying? I edged closer to where they were standing until I could see them, my feet heavier with each step.
Columba giggled, absentmindedly twirling a curly strand of her thick mauve hair that had sprung free of her braided pig tails. "Indeed? How amusing! I might have known."
"It is no laughing matter." Aquila snapped. "Altairis is but a fledgling. What if something were to happen in the Protectorate?"
I could feel searing, angry heat quickly well beneath my cheeks as I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms. The utter outrage I felt threatened to burn me to ash where I stood. A fledging? I was an impeccable student! An accomplished Celestrian for my age, and even for those older than I! I had spent every recent waking hour proving myself to him!
He had only just told me I was worthy. . . how could he lie about that?
"Do you forget the tragedy of Corvus so soon?" He continued.
Columba's playful smile faded and she began running her palms over the front of her mint green dress, nervously smoothing out wrinkles that weren't there. "Hmph. No, of course not, but. . . we have been forbidden to talk of that matter here in the Observatory, have we not?"
Aquila made no reply. It was then that Columba took notice of me standing off to the side of them, agape. "Ah, more esteemed company it seems."
Aquila turned to look, an utterly foreign expression of shock on his chiseled, angular face. "Altairis! H-How long have you been standing there?"
"Far longer than I was meant to. . . master." I meant for my words to come out as a snarl, but instead they hissed out of me as an angry whisper barely audible over the monologue of rage in my head.
A heavy silence hung between us as I stared him down, begging the weary tears welling within my eyes to stay out of it.
"Congratulations on being appointed Guardian, Altairis." Columba chimed, trying to break the tension. "Of course, I never doubted you. You are Aquila's hand-picked apprentice, after all. To be chosen by one who refused for so long to take on a pupil speaks volumes of your ability."
Who did she think she was kidding? Of all the four people who knew he didn't actually pick me for an apprentice, three of them were standing right here.
"Why do you stand idle, Altairis?" master Aquila belted at me. "I see you have yet to make your report to Apus Major. Do you really wish to keep him waiting? Make haste." he demanded, looking at the Benevolessence I clutched angrily in my fist. His voice was cold and unrepentant. Completely dismissive of what I was feeling.
That broke me.
"As you wish, master! Let us hope the path leading outside this room is not too dangerous for a simple fledgling like me to navigate! Ha!" My voice was uncomfortably shrill and hysterical as I spoke.
Some still sane part of me begged myself not to speak to my master this way, but the anger exploding inside my chest wouldn't let me stop. "Almighty knows that someone so unfit as I could be felled by a single paper cut! Surely my hard work and your counsel mean nothing in the face of my intense mediocrity and unworthiness!"
"Altairis-!" Aquila's face twisted in fury but I would not be silenced.
"You lied!" I screamed. "I never expected you to be forthcoming with praise and I had a feeling that my promotion was at the behest of Apus Major, but you did not have to feed me false compliments! I could stand your lack of confidence in my progress so long as I was not completely ignored, but to pretend you were impressed? To hand me the small amount of commendation I desired, no, that I deserved! And not mean it! I. . . I just!" The tears came then, hot and stinging, and I darted away, refusing to bear my weaknesses further.
I shuddered as I slammed the door to the library behind me, choking back a few embarrassed sobs. Aquila was sure to be furious with me, but I knew Columba would pacify him easily enough. She had a way with him that few could understand, myself included. Still, I felt drenched in shame. For any Celestrian to act that way towards a superior was unacceptable. More than anything though, I was surprised just how deeply I was hurt by Aquila's lies. I knew I wanted his approval and I worked hard to that end, but it wasn't the all encompassing reason for my dedication. Realizing he never believed in me at all, however, had dredged up a wealth of self-doubt.
Taking a few deep breaths and wiping at my eyes, I drifted over to one of the large mirrors decorating the upper walls of the Great Hall. I was afraid to look, scared my green eyes would have the betraying signs of tears, but when I glanced at myself, I relaxed. Though my eyes were a little blemished and my face a bit flushed, I looked more or less my usual unkempt self. Tightening my ponytail of unruly curls and rolling the tension out of my shoulders, I dove down towards the balcony Apus Major stood upon.
"Greetings Apus Major. Celestrian Altairis, apprentice of Aquila reporting back. I humbly apologize for my tardiness!" I said as I knelt in reverence before him.
Apus Major turned towards me and his gentle smile widened. "Well met, Altairis, apprentice of Aquila." He bade me to stand and I complied. "Welcome back. I trust your absence has not been so lengthy that you forget your old master?"
I returned his smile, though I didn't truly feel it. "It has been a long time to be sure, but it would take eternities to make me forget you."
Apus Major had an incredibly easy way about him. His warmth and openly kind personality was distinct from the other Celestrians I knew, and it was an almost shocking contrast to someone like Aquila.
"Apart from being happy to be home, I would like to report that all is well at Angel Falls. There was a slight disturbance outside of the town gates but it was nothing too difficult to handle and no mortals were harmed or even aware of the danger, sir."
"My congratulations on successfully completing your first task as a Guardian, Altairis. You have preformed your duties well thus far, albeit under Aquila's watchful gaze."
I knew he meant no harm to my feelings, but the reminder of Aquila watching my every move and apparently finding me unready, stung.
"But the time has come for you to spread your own wings. What say you? Are you ready to undertake your duties alone and accept the position as Guardian?" Apus Major asked suddenly.
Be rid of Aquila? I would like that very much at the moment. But I knew this was not a decision to be made on a rush of undesired emotions. After taking some time to mull over my thoughts and take stock of all that has happened to bring me here, I quashed my lingering doubts and formed my answer carefully.
"As you know, Apus Major, it was you who originally set me on this path to becoming a Guardian, and I have trained tirelessly under you and master Aquila to make you proud. I believe you both have given me the technical knowledge I need in order to properly tend to my flock. But I have come to realize that knowledge alone, no matter how vast, is simply not enough. It takes a level of natural ability to be able to carry out the duties that a Guardian must, and even in my doubt, today I discovered I do indeed meet the qualifications. I also know that despite my knowledge and skill and desire for this position that I am in no way better equipped for the job than master Aquila is. I am both terribly inexperienced and terribly afraid of that fact. Sometimes I believe I am ready for this duty and other times I find myself wallowing in self pity due to my own lack of confidence. And when it comes down to it, I honestly do not know if I am ready yet."
I paused and readied myself for my next couple of statements. Apus Major's face gave away nothing, so I continued to push forward.
"I do know, however, that more than anything I have mentioned thus far, that the most important thing for a Guardian to be capable of is dedication to their responsibility, care for their flock and a desire to hold the sacred decree given by the Almighty in the highest place in their heart. Today I realized that there is nothing I would be more proud of than being a true Guardian. Not because of the respect I could then garner from my fellow Celestrians or even for some sense of self-importance, but because I know that I truly. . . feel strongly for the mortals in the Protectorate and that my desire is to not just protect them and make them happy, but to actually understand them and I believe that makes me far more suited for Guardianship that any single Celestrian here! So yes, Apus Major! I would like nothing more than to spread my wings and follow our sacred duty to the best of my ability."
Apus Major said nothing for what seemed like an eternity and I quickly began to feel like a fool for not just simply saying "Yes!"
And then he started laughing.
"Oho ho ha! Despite what you say, you seem quite confident from where I stand, Guardian Altairis. Very good. Build your confidence while you are young, experience will come as you age." His smile radiated at me and I felt tears begin to form in my eyes once more, only this time, they were born of relief and joy.
"Thank you very much, sir! You will never be able to regret putting your faith in me."
"I do not doubt that!" he said, cheerily griping my shoulder and shaking my hand. "And so we come to the next of your duties. I believe you have acquired a crystal of Benevolessence, have you not? The essence of mortal gratitude."
"Yes sir, I have kept it close to my heart at all times."
"As well you should," his joyful face suddenly serious, "it will sustain you as a Guardian when your duties feel more like trials. Now, you must offer it unto the Great World Tree, Yggdrasil, who shelters us with Her nurturing boughs from atop the Observatory. She will soon bear fruit at last. Go now, and do as I have instructed."
I nodded and took flight from the balcony, Benevolessence tight in hand, landing on the outside of the upper structure of the Observatory. The path to Yggdrasil was mostly just stairs, though there was a small inner chamber near the base of Her roots where many an apprentice would spend their time communing with Her the only way they could. I was very familiar with the place.
I walked towards the guard at the topmost set of stairs. "Hello there. Apus Major has sent me to offer this Benevolessence unto mighty Yggdrasil." I said, holding up the crystal as proof.
The guard nodded. "Then you may pass." he replied, stepping out of my way. "I must say, I feel the day when the holy Fyggs will bloom and set us on our course back to the Realm of the Almighty dawning closer with each offering."
"Apus Major himself said the time is soon to be upon us. . . hard to imagine a life where we would not be bound to watch over the mortals. I wonder what would become of them when we leave?" I pondered. I had never really thought about what it would mean for those in the Protectorate for us to join the Almighty.
The guard shrugged. "Who knows? The great thing would be that it would no longer be of our concern!"
I politely smiled and continued up the stairs. An odd feeling nagged at me as I thought about the prophecy coming to fruition. Sadness? Disappointment at the very least. Despite what it would mean for Yggdrasil to bear fruit, I was quite disheartened to think that my job as Guardian would be over so soon. How silly.
I carefully climbed each step as I continued my trek upwards. The stairs were technically unnecessary for us to use, but it was tradition to take them anyway. Traveling by foot was to remind us that approaching Yggdrasil carelessly or arrogantly was criminal, and instead, we should all think of it as a journey. We had to work for our right to see Her and I savored every step.
Once I reached my destination, I gasped.
At the top of the stairs was the very meadow I had seen from the sky, time and again. Up close, I could see how it was blanketed with a multitude of tiny, brilliantly white flowers, and ringed by impressive monuments - the perfect form of Celestrians carved within each one. In the very center stood Yggdrasil.
She was strong and beautiful. Her massive leafy boughs danced along the wind and stirred the atmosphere with a power so ancient its presence pressed against my senses. Moss grew greedily up her trunk and every blade of grass before Her bent toward Her in worship. I was inclined to do the same. She was everything and I could barely comprehend Her.
I took a few hesitant steps forward until I suddenly found myself running into Her shade; preternaturally cool and comforting. It was there that I offered up to Her the Benevolessence I had been holding so dear. As I held the crystal toward Her, it floated gently from my hands and up towards Yggdrasil's canopy. There the glassy surface broke and the cerulean flames within spread over Her, but as they licked their way up Her branches, She consumed them instead. Not a moment later, the gentle shimmering of Her leaves exploded into a show of light. Sparkles fell from Her boughs and her entire body glowed brighter and brighter, forcing my head down to protect my eyes. The very air became heavy, threatening to crush my lungs with its weight. And yet, my entire body felt as insubstantial as a speck of dust in a hurricane or a pebble swept away by the sea. I was a being of pure contradiction; wholly unworthy of Her grace yet drenched in the very same. A pauper wearing the Queens crown. It was as frightful as it was beautiful, then as quickly as it had happened, it stopped.
"Behold, Altairis. . ." A familiar voice said. "Is Yggdrasil, unto who we offer the Benevolessence we gather, not truly beautiful?"
Once I could breathe again, I stood and turned towards Aquila who, in this moment of perfection, I could not bring myself to despise. "More so than my imagination ever permitted me to believe. Especially as she took in the Benevolessence."
Aquila looked no more pleased or unhappy as usual and I knew his being here was proof he had got his feelings about what I said earlier under control. I only hoped I could say the same for myself.
As he came closer, we both gazed up at the World Tree. "Gathering and offering up Benevolessence is the most sacred duty with which we Guardians are charged. I trust you will perform your duties well, Altairis, Guardian of Angel Falls."
A small portion of approval. It wasn't enough to erase the hurt I had felt before, but it was more than I thought I'd ever receive after the way I acted, so I smiled in return. "Your trust in me will not be misplaced, master Aquila."
"I have been thinking, Altairis, Guardian of Angel Falls. . . To address you as 'Guardian of Angel Falls' is both convoluted and inconvenient. You will henceforth allow me to use this form of address only when formality dictates, I take it?"
I pretended to think about it. "Hm, it is very convoluted, truly. I also think I would feel quite silly being addressed with such a lengthy title all of the time. You may address me as you always have."
"Good. It is well that you succumb to my recommendation so readily, my pupil. As you are aware, the law forbids a Celestrian to oppose a superior."
I felt my brow crease in frustration. "Knowing that, I wonder how much of a recommendation you really make. It all comes across far more like a command from where I sit."
I didn't appreciate the reiteration of our relationship he was making just to punish me for my behavior before. At the very least he could acknowledge that I do in fact have reasons for agreeing with him.
Aquila ignored me. "Go to Apus Major and tell him of the successful completion of your task."
I stalked away without a word as he stayed behind with Yggdrasil.
I expected to feel hollow after giving up the Benevolessence and I wasn't completely wrong. I did indeed feel drained without it, but in its place I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment within me that I suspected would not leave me so soon. Dwelling on this, I smiled and made my way back to Apus Major.