I was a little bit bugged by Andy's apparent obliviousness in this episode. So I wanted to kind of fix that by attempting to get into his head and exploring this annulment business further. I'm probably adding way too much deeper meaning to all this but, meh, this is where my weird mind took me, so...

Also, I like the idea of Sharon and Andy not always being on the same page and sometimes even miscommunicating, because let's face it, anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows it's not always smooth sailing. And I wish we saw more of that on the show. But I will not complain, not after the gems of episodes we were given in the past couple of weeks. XD

Instead, I will just write a scene that takes place after episode 18 ends and try to fill the gaps myself. ;)

They were most certainly not doing the environment any favors but they took three cars home that night. Rusty took his. Ricky took Sharon's. And Andy and Sharon took Andy's. Dinner was discussed, decided on and ordered in the elevator. Rusty would be picking it up along the way and they would have a quiet dinner at home instead of a busy restaurant.

Despite the good mood they had been in after leaving the office, Sharon and Andy spent the first five minutes of their car ride in silence. Andy couldn't tell what Sharon used that silence for, but he was kept busy by his frantically racing mind.

It wasn't as if the idea had not occurred to him. It had, initially and briefly, when she first voiced her desire to be wed in Church.

But he hadn't mentioned it to her. It just seemed too big of a hassle for something that, in the end, might not even go through. Dealing with the exes, dealing with the past, opening long forgotten wounds. Not to mention how much time they might have to invest in it.

Then, however, he talked to her sons. And when, afterwards, the idea occurred to him again, it stayed with him for quite a while after that.

He still hadn't mentioned it to her though. For different reasons this time. Reasons he felt he needed to wrap his head around before he could even consider suggesting it to Sharon.

Years, no, decades of his life he had spent trying to set things right. Trying to make amends. Trying to make up for lost time. He had been a spectacular disappointment all those years ago. He had let his then-wife down and more importantly, and much more worse, he had let his children down.

And then to have the entire marriage annulled?

Like it hadn't happened at all?

He did not deserve to be let off the hook that easily. No matter how much time had passed between then and now, he could not just have it all erased.

And if he could, could he really ask his ex-wife for such a favor? He doubted that she would have been against it. If he was in her shoes however, he would have gone above and beyond to not grant him that wish. He also knew, however, that she was better than such petty behavior. And that was just one in a long list of reasons why he still hated himself for what he had put her through and why he maybe didn't feel like broaching the subject himself just yet.

Not that any of it really mattered now. His ex-wife had put in the papers for an annulment and, while obviously confirming his earlier conclusions, made the decision for him. However, it felt strange that he had been practically so hesitant about asking her for an annulment himself, but now that she had gotten the ball rolling herself, it felt like the easiest thing in the world to just go through with it. He knew part of him would have agreed to it this easily even if it didn't play so well into his own cards, because he had long ago started putting an effort into not making her life miserable anymore, but part of him wondered what else it was that held him back from taking that step himself. Especially considering how much it would mean to Sharon to be able to join him in a Catholic union instead of just a civil one.

Briefly shifting his absentminded focus from the busy LA streets in front of him, he chanced a glance at Sharon. There was a faint trace of a smile playing at her lips and she seemed content. But her head was turned slightly to the right as her gaze followed the swirl of buildings they passed by and she also seemed lost in thought. He wondered if her thoughts involved annulment as well.

Suddenly, without any warning, several pieces in his head connected to form a picture he had been blissfully unaware of mere minutes ago. He shot Sharon a wide-eyed look as it dawned on him that annulment was on her mind as well. And not just now, but had been probably for as long as it had been on his.

He had no idea how it had managed to completely slip under his radar. Was he just so over the moon about her saying yes to him that he simply wasn't paying enough attention? Or was he too absorbed in figuring out how to approach this topic himself to realize that, apparently, she had been wrestling with similar issues? And now that he finally realized it, he wanted to kick himself for not having registered it sooner. Of course she, of all people, would have thought about it. And to think that it took his ex-wife to call for him to finally broach the subject with Sharon... Oh, he really could just kick himself.

However, he had picked up on some awkwardness earlier in the murder room, but only now did he understand why. Even her children, or at least Ricky and Rusty, had figured this out before he had. He doubted though that she approached any of them on her own. She wouldn't before talking to him, he was certain of that. And knowing Rusty, he guessed it was Ricky who probably not too subtly must have brought up the subject the other night. And if Ricky and Rusty knew, Emily must have known as well. And if his wife just happened to have impeccable timing by calling to talk annulment, it wasn't hard to guess that apparently, his daughter had been roped into this as well.

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry about the fact that their children seemed to have been conspiring against them these past few days. Unable to decide, he suddenly, involuntarily groaned and let his head hit the backrest of his seat.

The unexpected noise snapped Sharon out of her musings and she looked at him.

"What?" A touch of surprised amusement tinted her word.

"Some detective I am, huh?" he told her.

He wasn't looking directly at her, but he saw her eyebrows go up anyway. "You finally put it together?" she asked, although the words didn't really sound like a question.

He gave her an incredulous look. "Sharon," he took a breath, "we both thought about this, but everybody discussed it," he threw a hand out, "except us!"

She chuckled, but said seriously, "I thought you didn't consider it at all." She smiled regretfully. "It's why I felt it wasn't my place to suggest it either."

He shot her a quick, bland look. "I may not be as devout as you," he told her teasingly, "but I am not stupid either." He waved a hand through the air. "I know how this works, my dear. I considered it alright."

She pursed her lips and shot him an equally bland look. The expression lasted merely a second though and she then smiled indulgently and shook her head at him. That let him know she put a finger on one of his own reasons for not bringing it up. "And you concluded it wasn't worth the effort."

He shrugged, effectively confirming her conclusion, and, having reached a red light, used the chance to actually look at her as he spoke. "Plus, imagine this." He paused, then went on sarcastically, "Hi, Sandra, can we please annul our marriage and forget any of this ever happened so that I-"

Sharon interrupted him. She sounded genuinely surprised when she spoke and he realized she clearly hadn't thought of this particular reason of his. "That's what you think this would mean?" When she continued, she sounded incredulous, too. "That none of it ever happened? That it would, what, erase your past?"

The light turned green so he couldn't look at her as he simply said, "Wouldn't it?"

Suddenly, she laughed. "And here I thought you might have wanted to avoid the past." She laughed again, somewhat bitterly this time. "I know I wanted to." On an eye roll, she added, "Especially with Jack who, I'm sure, would do his best to draw all of this out."

That had Andy throw her a quick, puzzled look. "And now you don't?"

Sharon, however, backpedaled to the earlier issue. "You can move forward, Andy," she told him gently. "It won't erase your past, so stop punishing yourself to make sure of it." She tapped his forearm to have him glance at her again. "Don't you think we're allowed to simply learn from our mistakes and start afresh?"

"Punishing myself," he repeated, surprised, as his eyes fell back on the road in front of him.

He hadn't even realized that that was what he was essentially doing. Punishing himself. Asking for an annulment felt like lifting that punishment, which was originally imposed by someone else, himself. No wonder it was so easy to accept his ex-wife's announcement. It was always easier to receive a pardon than to ask for one. And he could definitely label her phone call as an official pardon.

He suppressed a groan. How could something this old and this distant, still have such a hold on him? And an unconscious one at that?

"Andy?"

Her soft utterance snapped him out of his thoughts. He was grateful for another red light, for he could look at her again.

"You're right," he told her. Smirking suddenly, he added, "You know, I should thank those two boys of yours for this."

She groaned, the back of her head hitting her seat's headrest as she did so. "I made it clear to Ricky not to meddle!" She looked at him apologetically, but her next words sounded both impressed and incredulous. "Rusty must have called Nicole."

Andy grinned. "We can think of a punishment later," he assured her, because it really was a bit more meddling than he could honestly appreciate even if it all turned out for the very best. "But," he went on, "I don't know if I'd have ever dared file for annulment myself," he shrugged, "so maybe we can be mad and grateful at the same time?"

She shot him an amused look, but then an eyebrow of hers went up and she asked softly, "You really wouldn't have asked for it yourself?" Her hand drew a quick circle in the air. "You know, if, somehow, we ever actually talked about this before our kids butted in?"

Traffic got moving again so he had to look away again. "I'd have gotten over myself for you eventually," he added jokingly.

Only the joke misfired and she frowned and folded her arms. "And that is another reason why I didn't say anything," she told him in a huff.

"Huh?" he shot her a quick, taken aback look. "Why?" he said on a confused frown.

She frowned as well, but obviously not in confusion. "Because I can't be the only reason you'd want to let go of your past."

"Huh," he let out as he tried to make sense of that.

She stayed quiet, too, letting him do so.

He would have done it had she asked. He knew that much. What was more, he would have ignored his misgivings about it, and done so without hesitation. It didn't matter if he thought he deserved to, as Sharon put it, be punished. He would have moved past it just to make her happy.

And as that thought occurred to him, everything else suddenly fell into place as well. She wanted him to think about it on his own, really think about it, without her being at the forefront of those thoughts. That's why she didn't want the idea to come from her. She wanted him to really understand what annulment meant, whether he took their faith as seriously as she did or not. Had she said anything, he realized he would still have thought about how uncomfortable it would be to dive back into that sad past, but he doubted he'd have ever figured out that he was also at the same time comfortable with that silent, hidden punishment his Catholic marriage still exerted over him.

So in a way, if he had asked for an annulment just because she suggested it, it would have been like going to confession and asking for forgiveness without feeling any honest remorse for the sins committed. And that was another reason why he had stayed mum about it, he realized. Even if he felt like doing it for her in an instant, he couldn't really do it when it somehow also felt dishonest. And even though religion never played as big a role in his life as it did in Sharon's, he was many things, but dishonest was not one of them. Both outside and inside of the Catholic Church.

He hated to admit it, but maybe Sandra calling today had been a blessing. How long would they have skirted this issue, or the solution actually, had she not been talked into taking the initiative here? When would he have realized that he really shouldn't punish himself for his past mistakes anymore and that he was allowed to move forward and finally be as happy as he thought he'd be when he entered his first marriage?

"You're not the only reason I want to let go of my past," he finally said quietly.

And he meant it. Yes, she was, of course, still a reason for it, but he realized that he actually needed this now as well. If he wanted to truly, honestly commit himself to her, bind himself to her for the rest of their lives, was it not logical to do so without past shackles holding him back? Whether he was aware of them or not? Sharon was right. He was allowed to let go of past mistakes. Especially since he had learned immensely from them. He was allowed to start with a clean slate, too. And more importantly, he wanted to start with it.

There was a hint of both sarcasm and exasperation in her tone of voice, when she replied. "Well, of course I'm not. Not now that Sandra put you out of your self-imposed misery."

He shot her a slightly irritated look. "I was trying to say," he said pointedly, "that you're the only reason I'm looking forward to a future now." He ended the sentence in an annoyed huff.

"Oh," she let out in surprise, deflating instantly.

"Yeah," he said gruffly and shot her another look, although this time a slight smile was playing at his lips. "'Oh'," he repeated pointedly.

She reached out a hand and tapped it over his right one as it loosely held the steering wheel. He looked at it for a second, but let go of the wheel so that she could put her hand on top of his and lace their fingers together. He knew she was going through the motions at a deliberate place in order to make proper sense of what he just said, so he let her. When she put their hands over the console between them, he knew she finally figured it out.

"So, we're filing for annulment."

"Well," he said, and his earlier irritation was now replaced by mischievousness, "my ex-wife apparently is." He slanted his future wife a quick look over a raised eyebrow. "And it'd be kinda nice if you would, too." He smirked. "I'd hate to go through all this trouble now for nothing."

She snorted. "Yes," she said, squeezing his hand, "that would be nice."

That reminded him of what she had said earlier. "You said you wanted to avoid the past." When he registered her nodding, chancing another glance at her, he added, "And now you don't?"

She sighed. "I just wasn't looking forward to having to deal with Jack again." She waved a hand through the air. "You know how he is."

He nodded, because yes, he knew very well how Jack was. "So what changed your mind?" he asked, throwing her another glance.

"I didn't exactly change my mind," she told him, her head tilting to a side. "Ricky and Emily," she rolled her eyes, "simply helped me to finally, actually set my mind on it." On a shrug, she added, "Got their father to agree to it as well."

Andy's eyes went wide and he threw her a surprised look. "Jack already knows?"

She smiled. "They got him to write a letter of approval, too."

He frowned. "And you still thought you shouldn't bring it up?"

She took a breath, a clear sign that she was going on both the defensive and offensive. "It's my marriage to annul, Andy," she said pointedly. "Besides," she went on more softly, "I haven't officially asked for an annulment yet."

He tilted his head, considering that. She had a point. It was probably also why neither one of them had mentioned this annulment business until their hand was forced. Therefore, deciding to let that go, he said, "So bottom line is, thanks to our meddling children, we are now going through with annulling our marriages."

She laughed in disbelief. "It would seem so."

He laughed as well. "You know, my ego is having the time of its life right now."

She shot him a puzzled look at the sudden change in topic.

He continued laughing but looked at her as he stopped the car at another red light. "I think your kids might like me even more than you do."

She smiled brightly. "Well, I don't mind, because I happen to love you," she told him cheekily.

He chuckled and looked at her to give her a silly smile and returned the sentiment, but sobered quickly when he noticed the sad shadow that unexpectedly crossed her features. "What?" he asked worriedly.

"They've seen so much more than I ever wanted them to," she said regretfully, looking at their joined hands and starting to gently rub a thumb over the side of his hand. "But I don't think they ever saw me truly unhappy," she said, shaking her head. "Not that I ever really was." She looked up at him and her bright smile returned in full force and she sounded almost giddy as she added, "How could I be with those two bundles of joy around?" Her voice turned more wistful again when she finished with a, "But I'm not sure they've ever seen me this happy either."

He squeezed her hand as he shifted gears and got the car moving, since the light switched to green again. He shot her a smug grin. "I make you happy, huh?" he asked, hoping to pull her out of her sudden funk.

She let go of his hand, only to smack him playfully over the side of his arm, and he grinned, satisfied with his accomplishment. "Well, maybe not right now," she said, a hint of warning to the words, "but yes," she nodded, her lips curling into a gentle smile, "generally, you make me very happy," she confirmed gladly.

"See," he bobbed an eyebrow up and down, "my ego's having the time of its life."

She pursed her lips, but her amusement curled them into another smile anyway.

More seriously, however he spoke again before she could. "You deserve to be happy, Sharon."

She joined their hands again. "It's what Ricky keeps telling me, too," she said on a sigh that did not necessarily mean she disagreed with either one of them. "As do you," she added pointedly, returning her focus to the window.

He smiled, then tugged on her hand. When he got her attention again, he said, "We're still mad at Ricky and Rusty for meddling though, right?"

"Oh," her voice went dangerously low. "Livid," she confirmed. "And Nicole, too," she added.

He nodded in agreement, chuckling. "Any punishment ideas?"

He didn't even have to look at her to know there was a devious smile on her face when, still in that low, dangerous timbre of hers, she said, "Plenty."

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Could something along these lines have crossed Andy's (and Sharon's) mind?