Me: *wants to update so I go back and read what I wrote*

Also me: ha ha wow this is shit.

I will do better! Might add some things too in older updates. Also update cuz Corona got me down.

Darry opened the book, and began reading.

"held him like Soda had held him the day we found him lying in the lot. "I didn't mean to," he finally blurted out, "but they were drownin' you, and I was so scared..." He was quiet for a minute. "There sure is a lot of blood in people."

Johnny tensed up again, trying to remember that it wasn't going to happen again. Then he looked over at his best friend, who was sitting close to him as he could without touching him.

'Not again.'

"He got up suddenly and began pacing back and forth, slapping his pockets. "Whatta we gonna do?" I was crying by then. It was getting dark and I was cold and lonesome."

Sodapop rubbed Ponyboys arm, trying to comfort him. Considering how small the coach was, they were all pretty packed in. Darry and Soda were sitting beside each other on one side and Ponyboy and Johnny were on the other. Dally and Steve had taken the two other chairs and Two-Bit got stuck on the floor.

Ponyboy gave his brother a soft smile, but it looked slightly forced. Soda gazed worryingly at his brother, he was always quiet now, never really talking all too much. He began to wonder how much this book would tell him about his younger brother. Ever since their parents died, Ponyboy struggled a lot with opening up, talking in general even, with people.

"I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, but the tears came anyway. "This is my fault," Johnny said in a miserable voice. He had stopped crying when I started. "For bringin' a little thirteen-year-old kid along. You ought to go home. You can't get into any trouble. You didn't kill him." "No!" I screamed at him. "I'm fourteen! I've been fourteen for a month! And I'm in it as much as you are. I'll stop crying in a minute... I can't help it."

Johnny's face crumpled slightly, he never wanted to see that image. Steve looked towards Ponyboy, trying to study his face in hopes of finding a reaction. All he saw was embarrassment, he wanted to say something but held back.

"He slumped down beside me. "I didn't mean it like that, Ponyboy. Don't cry, Pony, we'll be okay. Don't cry..." I leaned against him and bawled until I went to sleep. I woke up late that night."

Ponyboy felt himself turn red, he found it embarrassing, he couldn't believe that he kept bawling this whole story. He could understand why he was crying but he couldn't handle the gang hearing about it.

"Johnny was resting against the wall and I was asleep on his shoulder. "Johnny?" I yawned. "You awake?" I was warm and sleepy. "Yeah," he said quietly. "We ain't gonna cry no more, are we?"

'I hope not.' All the greasers thought, they hated thinking of the two youngest alone and crying.

"Nope. We're all cried out now. We're gettin' used to the idea. We're gonna be okay now." "That's what I thought," I said drowsily. Then for the first time since Dally and I had sat down behind those girls at the Nightly Double, I relaxed. We could take whatever was coming now. The next four or five days were the longest days I've ever spent in my life. We killed time by reading Gone with the Wind and playing poker. Johnny sure did like that book, although he didn't know anything about the Civil War and even less about plantations, and I had to explain a lot of it to him. It amazed me how Johnny could get more meaning out of some of the stuff in there than I could- I was supposed to be the deep one."

Ponyboy gave a huff and Johnny smiled at him.

"Johnny had failed a year in school and never made good grades- he couldn't grasp anything that was shoved at him too fast, and I guess his teachers thought he was just plain dumb. But he wasn't."

"Thanks Pone." Johnny whispered, Ponyboy gave him a real smile.

"I ain't lyin'." He mumbled back, nudging him softly.

"He was just a little slow to get things, and he liked to explore things once he did get them. He was especially stuck on the Southern gentlemen- - impressed with their manners and charm. "I bet they were cool ol' guys," he said, his eyes glowing, after I had read the part about them riding into sure death because they were gallant. "They remind me of Dally."

"Huh?" Dally, for once in his life, seemed to be really thrown off. Meanwhile Johnny turned a bright red, was Ponyboy going to say everything about his personal life?

"Now you know how I feel." Ponyboy mumbled, trying to hold back a smile. Johnny shot him a glare, but really he was just trying to hide from the eyes of his idol.

"Dally?" I said, startled. "Shoot, he ain't got any more manners than I do. And you saw how he treated those girls the other night. Soda's more like them Southern boys."

"Yeah... in the manners bit, and the charm, too, I guess," Johnny said slowly,

"Thanks kids." Soda laughed, ruffling their hair. Ponyboy smiled up at his brother, Darry smiled gently at them, but soon looked away back at the book

"but one night I saw Dally gettin' picked up by the fuzz, and he kept real cool and calm the whole time. They was gettin' him for breakin' out the windows in the school building, and it was Two-Bit who did that. And Dally knew it. But he just took the sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. That's gallant."

Two-Bit remembered that. He remembered watching eyes wide as Dally held a stoic expression as the officer read out the remembered Johnny's face being in awe and a younger Ponyboy standing behind him, trying to avoid the eyes of the police officer. They all knew Two-Bit did it. Dally took the blame because Two-Bit's mom needed him at home. Dally knew his mom couldn't afford to get him out of jail.

Johnny was right.

That was gallant.

That was the first time I realized the extent of Johnny's hero-worship for Dally Winston.

Johnny blushed a deep red and looked towards Ponyboy.

"Hey, I never asked for my deepest thoughts to be read aloud." He said raising his hands in surrender, Johnny's only response was to look anywhere but Dally, who was glancing at Johnny.

Of all of us, Dally was the one I liked least.

The gang froze for a second, Ponboys eyes widened and he shifted uncomfortably. Dallys tried not to show that the comment had put him off a little bit.

'Reading my personal thoughts out loud is suddenly a lot worse.'

He didn't have Soda's understanding or dash, or Two-Bit's humor, or even Darry's superman qualities. But I realized that these three appealed to me because they were like the heroes in the novels I read. Dally was real. I liked my books and clouds and sunsets. Dally was so real he scared me.

Ponyboy couldn't help but steal a glance at Dally. He was beginning to feel bad about all the comments about Dally. He wasn't all that bad, at a time when he was younger, him, Johnny, and Dally used to hang out a lot more. When Dally got older they still hung out but it was more dangerous.

He didn't hate Dally. He just wished he could understand him better.

Dally didn't really seem to get that though, judging from the now guarded expression.

Johnny and I never went to the front of the church. You could see the front from the road, and sometimes farm kids rode their horses by on their way to the store. So we stayed in the very back, usually sitting on the steps and looking across the valley.

The gang nodded their approval, it was the smart thing to do.

We could see for miles; see the ribbon of highway and the small dots that were houses and cars. We couldn't watch the sunset, since the back faced east, but I loved to look at the colors of the fields and the soft shadings of the horizon. One morning I woke up earlier than usual. Johnny and I slept huddled together for warmth- Dally had been right when he said it would get cold where we were going.

Darry and Sodapop shared nervous glances.

What if one of them gets sick?

Being careful not to wake Johnny up, I went to sit on the steps and smoke a cigarette. The dawn was coming then. All the lower valley was covered with mist, and sometimes little pieces of it broke off and floated away in small clouds. The sky was lighter in the east, and the horizon was a thin golden line. The clouds changed from gray to pink, and the mist was touched with gold. There was a silent moment when everything held its breath, and then the sun rose. It was beautiful.

Johnny and Ponyboy both seemed mesmerized just by hearing about it, Johnny made a note to watch more of those.

"Golly"- Johnny's voice beside me made me jump- "that sure was pretty." "Yeah." I sighed, wishing I had some paint to do a picture with while the sight was still fresh in my mind. "The mist was what was pretty," Johnny said. "All gold and silver." "Uhmmmm," I said, trying to blow a smoke ring. "Too bad it couldn't stay like that all the time." "Nothing gold can stay." I was remembering a poem I'd read once. "What?" "Nature's first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay." Johnny was staring at me. "Where'd you learn that? That was what I meant" "Robert Frost wrote it. He meant more to it than I'm gettin' though." I was trying to find the meaning the poet had in mind, but it eluded me. "I always remembered it because I never quite got what he meant by it" "You know," Johnny said slowly, "I never noticed colors and clouds and stuff until you kept reminding me about them. It seems like they were never there before."

The communication from the two young greasers had thrown the rest for a loop. They were all both surprised by how much they were talking, both rarely spoke around everyone. Not to mention how deep the conversation between them was.

He thought for a minute. "Your family sure is funny."

The Curtis's all were intrigued by that statement, looking over at a shy Johnny.

"And what happens to be so funny about it?" I asked stiffly. Johnny looked at me quickly. "I didn't mean nothing. I meant, well, Soda kinda looks like your mother did, but he acts just exactly like your father. And Darry is the spittin' image of your father, but he ain't wild and laughing all the time like he was. He acts like your mother. And you don't act like either one."

The mood in the room dimmed a little seeing as their parents had passed not even four months ago. Ponyboy seemed to shrink in on himself a little, and Sodapop instantly placed an arm around him. Darry glanced over, and Ponyboy lifted his head before patting gently next to him.

Darry smiled softly and Sodapop moved over to Ponyboys side, while Darry sat at the other. Johnny didn't mind the rearrangement all that much, he was just on Sodapops side now. The gang seemed to have a sigh of relief at the brothers tensions leaving.

"I'm sorry, kiddo." Darry whispered softly to Ponyboy, who was now leaning into him instead.

"It's ok, you won't do it." And somehow he got it.

"I know," I said. "Well," I said, thinking this over, "you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-Bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that poem around them. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance."

The gang laughed at Ponyboy's red face.

"Oooh, Ponyboys got a girlfriend." Steve and Two-Bit teased, while Dally snickered behind his unlit cigarette he had pulled out. He made a move to lite it but Darry reached out and snatched it from him with a warning look.

Johnny shrugged. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I guess we're different." "Shoot," I said, blowing a perfect smoke ring, "maybe they are."

The gang couldn't but think about that statement as they looked towards the two youngest. It was true, they were different than the rest of their town. But were they different from others in the world?

Ponyboy was quietly thinking it over too. Tulsa couldn't be the only one who was like this, but maybe that meant that they were others like him too. Right now, the only one who could really get him was Johnny. Sodapop could try but he would never be able to really get it. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to Johnny.

By the fifth day I was so tired of baloney I nearly got sick every time I looked at it. We had eaten all our candy bars in the first two days. I was dying for a Pepsi. I'm what you might call a Pepsi addict.

The gang laughed at that one, and Ponyboy blushed and set down the Pepsi that he had gotten earlier.

I drink them like a fiend, and going for five days without one was about to kill me. Johnny promised to get some if we ran out of supplies and had to get some more, but that didn't help me right then. I was smoking a lot more there than I usually did- I guess because it was something to do- although Johnny warned me that I would get sick smoking so much. We were careful with our cigarettes- if that old church ever caught fire there'd be no stopping it.

Darry, who was already against smoking as it was, sighed heavily looking down at his youngest brother.

On the fifth day I had read up to Sherman's siege of Atlanta in Gone with the Wind, owed Johnny a hundred and fifty bucks from poker games, smoked two packs of Camels, and as Johnny had predicted, got sick. I hadn't eaten anything all day; and smoking on an empty stomach doesn't make you feel real great. I curled up in a corner to sleep off the smoke.

The gang held their breaths at that, there was no way for either of them to get help. They didn't even have the right things to take care of eachother. What if he got worse?

I was just about asleep when I heard, as if from a great distance, a low long whistle that went off in a sudden high note. I was too sleepy to pay any attention, although Johnny didn't have any reason to be whistling like that. He was sitting on the back steps trying to read Gone with the Wind. I had almost decided that I had dreamed the outside world and there was nothing real but baloney sandwiches and the Civil War and the old church and the mist in the valley. It seemed to me that I had always lived in the church, or maybe lived during the Civil War and had somehow got transplanted. That shows you what a wild imagination I have.

Sodapop and Darry looked worryingly at each other than their brother, who was squashed between them. It almost sounded like Ponyoby was getting slightly delisorse.

A toe nudged me in the ribs. "Glory," said a rough but familiar voice, "he looks different with his hair like that." I rolled over and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and yawning. Suddenly I blinked. "Hey, Dally!"

Dispite everyhting earlier, both of the young greasers looked visbly reilived that Dally had showed up. Dally was waiting to see how the scene went down, he should have dragged them both home. Not that he had done anything, yet.

"Hey, Ponyboy!" He grinned down at me. "Or should I say Sleeping Beauty?" I never thought I'd live to see the day when I would be so glad to see Dally Winston,

Ponyboy buried his face in his hands, why did his writing have to be so vague? He was going to have to talk with Dally later, to clarify, but then again Dally would probably brush him off anyway.

but right then he meant one thing: contact with the outside world. And it suddenly became real and vital. "How's Sodapop? Are the fuzz after us? Is Darry all right? Do the boys know where we are? What..."

"Gezz, kid, I just got there." Dally said easily, giving him a lazy grin. Ponyboy unburied his head, and tried to show him he was sorry, but Dally wasn't looking at him.

"Hold on, kid," Dally broke in. "I can't answer everything at once. You two want to go get something to eat first? I skipped breakfast and I'm about starved." "You're starved?" Johnny was so indignant he nearly squeaked.

Ponyboy snorted into his hand, and Johnny kicked him from beside Sodapop.

I remembered the baloney. "Is it safe to go out?" I asked eagerly. "Yep." Dally searched his shirt pocket for a cigarette, and finding none, said, "Gotta cancer stick, Johnnycake?" Johnny tossed him a whole package. "The fuzz won't be lookin' for you around here," Dally said, lighting up. "They think you've lit out for Texas. I've got Buck's T-bird parked down the road a little way. Goshamighty, boys, ain't you been eatin' anything?" Johnny looked startled. "Yeah. Whatever gave you the idea we ain't?" Dally shook his head. "You're both pale and you've lost weight. After this, get out in the sun more. You look like you've been through the mill."

The gang instantly perked up at that, it meant that what they were all thinking to be true.

I started to say "Look who's talking" but decided it would be safer not to.

"Gonna get in trouble with that mouth of yours, kid." Steve teased, and Ponyboy shot him a glare from his place on the couch.

Dally needed a shave- a stubble of colorless beard covered his jaw- and he looked like he was the one who'd been sleeping in his clothes for a week instead of us; I knew he hadn't seen a barber in months. But it was safer not to get mouthy with Dally Winston.

"Yeah, I bet you two are lookin' great too." Dally retorted.

"Hey, Ponyboy"- he fumbled with a piece of paper in his back pocket- "I gotta letter for you." "A letter? Who from?" "The President, of course, stupid. It's from Soda." "Sodapop?" I said, bewildered. "But how did he know...?" "He came over to Buck's a couple of days ago for something and found that sweat shirt. I told him I didn't know where you were, but he didn't believe me.

Ponyboy smikred behind his hand, of course Soda would know where to look.

He gave me this letter and half his pay check to give you. Kid, you ought to see Darry. He's takin' this mighty hard..." I wasn't listening.

Ponyboy felt bad quickly, as Darry tried his best not to look off put. Little did they know that each of them were making a promise to never let it get that bad again.

I leaned back against the side of the church and read: Ponyboy, Well I guess you got into some trouble, huh? Darry and me nearly went nuts when you ran out like that. Darry is awful sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it. And then you and Johnny turned up missing and what with that dead kid in the park and Dally getting hauled into the station, well it scared us something awful.

Ponyboy felt Sodapop ever so slightly tighten his grip around his waist, and he knew his brother was all kinds of worried right now. Looking over to Darry, he could already see the gray hairs.

The police came by to question us and we told them as much as we could. I can't believe little old Johnny could kill somebody.

Johnny flinched at that. Ponyboy felt defensive the minute he did, it hadn't been Johnny's fault that it had happened. It was protecting him, but he didn't have the right to yell at Sodapop for something he didn't even do. So, Ponyboy sifted his gaze to his best friend, and gave him a silent look that said everything, as did Johnny. And as usual, they both got it.

I know Dally knows where you are, but you know him. He keeps his trap shut and won't tell me nothing. Darry hasn't got the slightest notion where you're at and it is nearly killing him. I wish you'd come back and turn yourselves in but I guess you can't since Johnny might get hurt. You sure are famous. You got a paragraph in the newspaper even. Take care and say hi to Johnny for us. Sodapop Curtis He could improve his spelling,

The gang laughed at that, and Sodapop squawked indigently at it.

"Thats's the first thing you say? Really?" Sodapop said with a grin at Ponyboy, who blushed but couldn't hide the smile.

I thought after reading it through three or four times. "How come you got hauled in?" I asked Dally. "Shoot, kid"- he grinned wolfishly- "them boys at the station know me by now. I get hauled in for everything that happens in our turf.

It was true, Dallas Winiston might as well have break the record for file length down there. Dally didn't mind it none though, he seemed pleased as he smiled at the book.

While I was there I kinda let it slip that y'all were headin' for Texas. So that's where they're lookin'." He took a drag on his cigarette and cussed it goodnaturedly for not being a Kool. Johnny listened in admiration. "You sure can cuss good, Dally." "Sure can," Dally agreed wholeheartedly, proud of his vocabulary.

Dally reached over at ruffled the younger greasers hair goodnaturedly, Johnny smiled up at him.

"But don't you kids get to pickin' up my bad habits." He gave me a hard rub on the head. "Kid, I swear it don't look like you with your hair all cut off. It used to look tuff. You and Soda had the coolest looking' hair in town." "I know," I said sourly. "I look lousy, but don't rub it in."

Ponyboy scowled again at the picture on the table, he did look terrible, his hair was one of the only things he had liked about his appearance.

"Do y'all want somethin' to eat or not?" Johnny and I leaped up. "You'd better believe it" "Gee," Johnny said wistfully, "it sure will be good to get into a car again." "Well," Dally drawled, "I'll give you a ride for your money."

Darry groaned, hoping to god they didn't get in a crash. He knew perfectly well how Dallas Winston drove, he grew up with him. Ponyboy already looked green just thinking about it.

Dally always did like to drive fast, as if he didn't care whether he got where he was going or not, and we came down the red dirt road off Jay Mountain doing eighty five. I like fast driving and Johnny was crazy about drag races, but we both got a little green around the gills when Dally took a corner on two wheels with the brakes screaming. Maybe it was because we hadn't been in a car for so long. We stopped at a Dairy Queen and the first thing I got was a Pepsi.

Johnny laughed at his friend, who sheepishly tried to denfened himself.

"What? Their good." He said picking up his own.

Johnny and I gorged on barbecue sandwiches and banana splits. "Glory," Dallas said, amazed, watching us gulp the stuff down. "You don't need to make like every mouthful's your last. I got plenty of money. Take it easy, I don't want you gettin' sick on me. And I thought I was hungry!" Johnny merely ate faster. I didn't slow down until I got a headache.

Once again, the gang looked more and more concerned about their health. Even Steve was looking between the two youngest with worry.

"I didn't tell y'all something," Dally said, finishing his third hamburger. "The Socs and us are having all-out warfare all over the city. That kid you killed had plenty of friends and all over town it's Soc against grease. We can't walk alone at all. I started carryin' a heater..."

Ponyboys jaw dropped, and Johnny's eyes went wide at the claim.

"Dally!" I said, frightened. "You kill people with heaters!" "Ya kill 'em with switchblades, too, don't ya, kid?" Dally said in a hard voice. Johnny gulped.

"Harsh." Two-Bit muttered, and Johnny looked pale at the comment, at least Dally had the decency to look ashamed.

"Don't worry," Dally went on, "it ain't loaded. I ain't aimin' to get picked up for murder. But it sure does help a bluff. Tim Shepard's gang and our outfit are havin' it out with the Socs tomorrow night at the vacant lot. We got hold of the president of one of their social clubs and had a war council. Yeah"- Dally sighed, and I knew he was remembering New York- "just like the good old days.

"Was that really how it was like?" Ponyboy couldn't help but be curious, but Dally just looked over towards him, ignoring the two older brothers giving him warning looks.

"You don't need to know that, kid." Was all he said.

If they win, things go on as usual. If we do, they stay outa our territory but good. Two-Bit got jumped a few days ago. Darry and me came along in time, but he wasn't havin' too much trouble. Two-Bit's a good fighter.

"Thats right, kid! Best in all of Tusla." He said rather flashy, the rest of the gang piped up their disagreements. Ponboy picked up his pepsi and took a sip.

Hey, I didn't tell you we got us a spy." "A spy?" Johnny looked up from his banana split. "Who?" 'That good-lookin' broad I tried to pick up that night you killed the Soc. The redhead, Cherry what's-her-name."

The reaction was instant, Ponyboys pepsi fell out of his mouth and he got up quickly to get a towel. While everyone else just looked to be in shock.

"Well," Darry said, trying to clear the shocked atmosphere. "Who's next?"

"Hell, give it here." Dally said shortly, he caught it with one hand as it got tossed to him. "Alright, Chapter 6…