Meredith forgot. She forgot that there was a carousel at the zoo. The carousel where Richard said he wouldn't leave Adele. The carousel that her mother left her on. The carousel where her mother decided to take her and leave Seattle and Meredith forgot about it.
In her memories, she didn't remember going to the zoo, just the carousel. Why didn't she remember going to the Zoo? Sure it's not near the animal enclosures and it's right by the north entrance, but why didn't she remember?
They were three quarters of the way done with their Zoo adventure having just seen the bears and the wolves. Maggie and Winston, Jo and Alex, and Amelia and Link, everyone had the day off so they had made it a family affair and had all decided to go to the Zoo after their waffle Sunday. They had hopped back on the main trail intent on heading down to the food court in search of a late lunch when the kids had seen the carousel.
Bailey and Zola had immediately begged her to ride it and the others had agreed that it would be a good spot to break for lunch. Alex and Ellis, who was too hungry to wait, went to get food at the pavilion while Jo nursed three-month-old baby Helena on the beach behind her. Maggie and Winston were on the carousel next to the kids and Amelia and Link had taken nine-month-old Scout to get a picnic spot on the grass outside.
Meredith just stared at it as her older kids dragged her over and she was on autopilot as she paid for the ride. The next thing she knew, she was standing against the fence surrounding the carousel. Meredith watched Bailey and Zola wave to her as the carousel spun around with the music and lights.
One of the things that Meredith regretted about how things turned out with her kids was how her childhood traumas had replayed for them. With Derek dying and them leaving Seattle, her being pregnant, bleeding out before she gave birth to Ellis, and Zola having to call 911. Zola and Bailey had the same trauma she had experienced as a child, but they wouldn't have this. They would have carousel rides that were happy and joyful moments and Meredith smiled and waved every time they passed.
"Hi Bailey, Hi Zola!" Meredith waved her whole arm as they turned past her and waved back. Yet, the second the kids turned out of sight Meredith's smile faded and she looked around.
Meredith looked back at Jo who was nursing Helena. Jo was completely enamored with the baby on her breast. Jo smiled down at her and held her little fist as Helena suckled. Meredith thought she could sit next to her, but she didn't want to risk losing her kids on the carousel.
They come around again and Meredith smiled and waved again as they go by. They looked so happy, she just had to take a picture and pulled out her camera for the next time they came around. Of course, they'll go again with Ellis once she gets back, but Meredith treasured this time with her older kids.
"Mommy!" Ellis shrieked from the stroller.
Meredith laughed as she looked over at them, Ellis's face was smeared with ice cream and Alex's had sunglasses on, looking like the cool uncle as he pushed the stroller over to her.
"Hi baby," Meredith said, taking a picture of them before she reached down to greet Ellis and getting two sticky hands on her cheeks for her trouble. "Did uncle Alex buy you a popsicle?"
"Un-hun I got a vanilla panda!" Ellis exclaimed, holding up half a panda ice popsicle.
"I see, it looks good!" Meredith said, reaching down to pick up Ellis out of the stroller and hold Ellis on her hip. "Alex please tell me you got actual food and not just ice cream?"
"We didn't want it to melt before we got back. I also got the spider-man one for Bailey and a chocolate dipped bar for Zola," Alex said, putting the ice cream bars in the lunch bag of the stroller to keep them cool.
"But none for the rest of us?" Meredith asked as Alex just shrugged and licked his own panda popsicle.
"I'll buy you an ice cream bar when we get lunch."
"Thank you," Meredith said looked back at the carousel just as Zola and Bailey came around again waving to them and snapping a dozen photos.
"Where's Jo, I got those dot ice cream she likes?"
Meredith gestured to the bench behind her and watched for a moment as Alex's face melted at the sight of his wife and child. She turned back to the carousel and pointed out the bunny on the back of one of the horses to Ellis. She smiled as her children smiled and laughed, their memories would be happy memories.
The carousel stopped and Bailey and Zola ran over to her, all smiles and excitement. With Maggie and Winston who had smiles and giggles of their own, but with eyes only for each other.
"That was so much fun!" Maggie exclaimed leaning on Winston. He leaned in, giving her a kiss before pulling back and resting their foreheads together completely oblivious to the rest of the world.
"Mom, did you see me?"
"Did you get a picture of us?"
Zola and Bailey both bombarded her with questions at once. "Can we go again?"
"I wanna go!" Ellis said, already wiggling out of Meredith's arms.
"Yeah, let's all go!" Zola said, her face lighting up as she grabbed Meredith's hand.
Meredith tried not to let her kids see her smile falter just a touch as she realized what Zola was saying. She should be ready to get back on the carousel again but for some reason, she couldn't find the words to respond.
"Yeah, let's all go," Alex said from the bench, he caught Meredith's eye and gave her a reassuring nod, before he got up and put their things away in the stroller, He turned around to help Jo up, who was now burping the baby.
"Alex no," Jo said, as she reluctantly let Alex pull her up. "I'm tired. I just want to sit."
"We can sit on the carousel," Alex said, sharing in the kid's excitement as he put his arm around Jo's waist in the other on Helena's back.
"Who's going to watch the strollers?" Jo asked, parking their stroller next to Ellis's stroller.
"We'll watch them," Link said, walking up to them with his arm around Amelia and Scout who was buried under the blanket in her arms.
"Yeah, we're not up for spinning lights right now," Amelia said, bouncing Scout who fussed as the blanket dropped and Amelia quickly put it back up before he calmed in her arms.
"I thought you two were supposed to be getting us a space on the grass," Maggie asked, finally looking away from Winston.
"There's plenty of space and we wanted to see what was taking you guys so long," Link said, taking a hold of Helena's stroller from Jo and frowning at the lack of food.
Before Meredith knew it her kids had pulled her on to the carousel. Jo insisted that she be allowed to sit on the chariot and Bailey happily sat next to her. Zola and Ellis claimed the two horses in front of the chariot and Meredith stood in between them.
"Look at this, baby's first carousel ride," Alex said as he settled next to Jo.
"Yes and she just ate so you get to hold her," Jo said, giving him a look, before handing him Helena and putting a burp cloth over his shoulder. "Because I don't plan on being puked on."
"Don't worry uncle Alex, Helena will love the ride and she won't puke on you," Zola reassured him as she settled on her horse.
"Yeah and we can go again after we have lunch," Bailey said, wiggling in his seat.
"Can we mommy?" Ellis asked looking over at her.
"Of course we can," Meredith said a genuine smile appearing on her face in response to her kid's excitement.
The ride started and Meredith held on to Zola and Ellis as horses went up and down. Bailey pretended that he was the driver for all the horses and pretended to play with the reins and encouraged them to go faster. Maggie and Winston pretended to race them from where they sat behind the chariot. Jo and Alex laughed as Helena became enamored by the colors and light and she caught a glimpse of Amelia and Link as they waved to them from the side.
"Mom do you like the carousel? I saw you frown earlier," Zola said, getting her attention and giving her a serious look.
"I used to be afraid of the carousel when I was a kid."
"Is it scary now?"
"No, Zozo, it's not," Meredith said with a genuinely smiled as she wrapped an arm around Zola's waist. She was happy to watch her kids enjoy the carousel surrounded by their family.