AN: Thank you for your interest. After reviewing the way this story seems to be going I am changing the rating, just in case. Hope you enjoy the chapter.
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It was a week before Kylo Ren felt that subtle change in the atmosphere, which he had come to know so well. He turned his head a fraction towards his Knights behind him. "Go" he gave his command with a relaxed grace which only one who was accustomed to power could possess. Dutifully his Knights left him, and once he was alone he waited for the link to solidify. The young man wasn't expecting the nerves that shook his hands, and so to quell them he clasped them behind his back beneath his cape, hidden from view. As he waited he wondered how this time would go; would she go back on their deal? Or would she speak to him and finally give him the answers he craved. He hoped that he would get his answers soon and that these answers would free his mind with thoughts of her.
This was how Rey found him, imposing as ever, his impeccable posture only helped to accentuate his height. The young woman watched the back of him warily for a moment wondering if she should just ignore him. It would have been easier if they never saw one another again - except on opposite sides of a battlefield. But that was no longer an option, the Force seemed to demand that they connect. As he had pointed out not so long ago, this was neither of their doing because it would kill them both. Not to mention, she didn't want to ignore him. But that was a thought she would bury down for now as she wasn't ready to face that yet. "Hello" she whispered and she half expected him to not hear her soft voice.
But of course, he did and responded with his own hushed tone, "Hello." He turned to face her finally with an impassive face, and he watched while she shifted under his gaze. He noted first that her hair was unbound from any of her usual styles, she wore what appeared to be her common tunic and pants but her arm wrappings were gone and she was barefooted.
More questions bloomed into his mind, distracting him from the ones which laid there before he set eyes on her. She shrugged "I was going to bed." she explained to his silent ponderings and watched as he nodded accepting her answer.
The silence which enveloped them felt comfortable, and it's what helped Rey feel less on edge enough to speak freely. "You didn't wake me. I always have trouble sleeping." She shrugged before she looked at him wondering if he had difficulty finding sleep as well. She found herself hoping that wasn't true for some reason.
"Dreams?" the deep baritone of his voice pulling her from her thoughts, it was relaxing to her and reminded her of the night he had listened to her simply talk in the hut.
But today she wasn't willing to discuss her sleep or her dreams."Why are you always so quiet?" She blurted out abruptly changing their topic of discussion.
Kylo Ren thought for a moment on this before responding. "I want to know more about you." He explained easily enough in the same hushed tones "If I dominate the conversation I learn nothing." Rey knew he spoke truthfully, she could feel it as if it were her own. That was one benefit of these talks, they would not be tainted by lies. Half truths maybe but not lies.
Rey frowned at his admission and after a moment she shook her head. "There's not much about me. You already know everything." She said disregarding his curiosity about her. She wasn't all that interesting, just a scavenger from an awful planet, whose parents were... She cut herself off from continuing on that trains of thought, she knew very well where it led and it was nothing that was helpful to her.
Kylo Ren easily picked up on the conflict she felt, the twinge of anger the held onto her words and her very bones at sometimes. Wisely he did not comment on his observation, instead, he responded to her deflection. "Not true."He started before taking a few steps towards her until she was within arms reach. "I don't know why you left." He let his words hang in the air, as he could feel the sting of rejection that she had left him with.
The young woman should have felt some fear as the Supreme Leader of the fearsome First Order stalked his way towards her. But nothing could be further from the truth. She was not afraid of Kylo Ren, mostly annoyed at him and his line of questioning in this moment. "Yes, you do." She snapped at him before crossing her arms and leaning her weight on her back foot while she regarded him; challenging him in a way to refute her statement.
The flame in her eyes had come back to life, he noticed and it told him that she was ready for a fight. He recalled that a blaster firing at him was in the realm of possibilities from her reactions. But he pressed on, they were past the point of blaster fire - or so he hoped. "No, I don't. We could have created something new. All of this could have stopped." His face was impassive as ever, but Rey didn't need to see his emotions on his face she felt them.
Rey narrowed her eyes at how he seemed to ignore her emotions, something she knew he could feel just as she felt his own. "And let my friends die." She snapped at him while her jaw tensed. Looking at him she noticed how much he really didn't understand how much her friend's lives affected her and her decisions. Thinking back to the last time they talked about understanding instead of throwing something at him for his stupidity she opted to try and explain. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before continuing. When she was ready she released her nose and looked into his dark eyes. "I don't want power." She said it so simply like it explained everything
But to Kylo Ren that answered nothing, "That's only because you have no idea what power could do for you." His voice strained under the weight of his desire to have her understand that power and passion was the answer to their dilemmas. He thought about how strong she would become if she came to the Dark Side, he often wondered if she would overpower him.
Rey tore her gaze from his when he spoke and looked at her bare feet for a moment before snapping her gaze back to the intense gaze that was Kylo Ren. Watching him for a moment she could see him trying to piece the puzzle together, and failing. Beyond the dark clothes the menacing stance, and impassive face she saw him floundering - a glimpse of the boy he used to be. Her gaze softened as she regarded him, he knew her feelings that was beyond a doubt. But she could see now that the 'why' behind them was an elusive thing to him. For a moment she pressed her lips together as she tried to find the words before she spoke. "But I know what it would cost me. And that cost is too great."
Her brown eyes held a softness to them as she kept his gaze. That softness was something he hadn't seen since Han. He was afraid of course, but there was a softness in his Father's eyes before... Kylo Ren should have wanted to throw himself into that thought to relive that moment but he couldn't, the pain was too much and too different then the pain he used for his power. He tore his gaze from her softness and looked at the floor while his jaw strained under the strain of his thoughts. "You don't want to become a monster." He said refusing to look at her now not wanting her to see him right now.
He was expecting her to refute him but instead, he heard a scoff before she spoke again. "I already am." He looked up at her, anger on his face ready to strike at any who would dare call her this, a strange protectiveness that hadn't shown itself since the throne room.
"It's true, everyone's afraid of me because of the Force. And your stormtroopers I'm sure are telling terrifying stories about me even as we speak. That's what power does it isolates you." She said with a sigh and looked at the ground not wanting him to see her own vulnerability as he hid his. "I've been alone for too long... it hurts."
Kylo Ren watched her as she spoke and he could see beyond the pride, the strength, and the optimistic ideology and to the broken and terrified girl she had been and in many ways still was. An urge to comfort her pulled at him, nearly demanded a response. For now, much like that night in the hut, he relinquished control of himself and moved towards her carefully. "You want companionship. You need it. Power can be lonely but only until you find your equals." He spoke to her softly, almost like he was trying to comfort her. She craned her head to look into his eyes and she could see it there the unspoken - that he believed she was his equal and that they wouldn't be lonely even if they grew in power because they were equals.
There in his eyes, she could see that he meant it, he didn't see her as small or less than. How tempting it was to fall into his vision for them, together as equals. They could create change, their power would allow for that. The two of them could change the very galaxy and oh how tempting it was.
But that wasn't her, Rey didn't want to bend people to her will or anyone else's. And knowing how wonderful it could be but that she had to reject it again called tears to her eyes. "But I wouldn't be me." She said as her voice cracked slightly as she held his gaze for a moment before dropping her head to stare at his black-clad chest. Quickly she blinked back her tears not wanting to cry again, as she seemed to do whenever they spoke. A brief shiver informed her that the cold she felt inside seemed to translate to her external senses and she began rubbing her arms trying to warm herself.
By now he should be used to her tears, and yet he found himself uncomfortable in their presence. Kylo Ren wanted to do something to take the tears away but he had no idea what to do until she began to shiver. That urge to help, to soothe took over and before he could think about how it wouldn't work or she wouldn't feel it he removed his heavy cape and wrapped it around her smaller form. Rey's eyes widened at the act and marveled that not only could she feel the stiffness of the fabric and the residual warmth of his body heat on it. But that he had done such a thing. She looked up at him and noticed the openness she found there, he wanted to help but had no clue if he should or even how to. Taking it as an act of kindness she pulled the cape closer to her slight frame and gave him a small smile "Thank you." She said softly as they watched each other.
Seeing her draped in his cape was something he hadn't expected to elicit a warmth in his chest, that seemed to spread throughout him. Here he was trying to get his questions answered so he could get her out of his head, and instead, he was distracted. Nervous about this warmth he decided distance was for the best and took a step back watching her warily.
As he moved away Rey looked down to the cape surrounding her, it was a heavy fabric too stiff for her liking but it covered her and gave some warmth. Besides, he had shown her kindness again something no monster would do. "See, there's still Light in you." Her voice soft as she tried not to think about how his retreat pained her.
"No there's not." Kylo Ren narrowed his eyes at her, that optimism or hope in him seemed to do nothing but stir that warmth inside him. And he wasn't ready to look at that if he ever would be.
Her eyes snapped up to meet his own before she spoke. "You just gave me your cape because I was cold. " She kept her gaze on him as she could sense the conflict raging within him now. "If you didn't you wouldn't have saved me from Snoke." Her voice rose to match her conviction. It still startled him to see how steadfast she was in her opinion of him, even if that opinion had already changed once before.
He stayed an arm's length from her, and she could feel he wanted more distance. He didn't want to face this, but she needed him to see the part that she saw beneath all the darkness. So she pressed on "You saved me, even though it meant going against all you had sacrificed so much for." Her voice rang in the empty space and seemed to ring out in his head over and over again.
Kylo Ren sneered as he stared into her brown eyes. "That's what you want to believe." He growled before stalking closer to her, towering over her as he glared. "I would have killed Snoke eventually. You were just the perfect excuse." His voice had long lost the hushed tones, instead, it held the bite of defensiveness. An age-old companion rising to protect him.
The two of them were no stranger to anger and weren't afraid of it. But Rey knew anger as an emotion that happened - not a shield to deaden yourself from everything else. As such she was more adept at using it to achieve her goal, it didn't need to be a wall or a shield or a sword. Sometimes anger could be used as steel in one's backbone, refusing to back down. She hadn't backed down from him yet and she was not about to start now; instead of cowering from his taller form as he would expect she stood abruptly and settled him with fire in her own eyes. "That's what you want to believe Ben Solo." she hissed at him knowing the power of his name and she watched as it produced the desired effect - a tense jaw, a flicker in his eyes. An effective derailment providing the best opening for her next strike "You asked me to join you. If I had you would have no one to blame Snoke's death on." With him taking a step back, she knew the blow had struck true. The two breathed deeply as they watched the other come to terms with their words. Sensing they had retreated - somewhat - she let some of her anger flow back out as easily as it had come. Kylo Ren, on the other hand, was not letting his anger go, as he still tried in vain to hold onto it even as it began evaporating from him. "Face it, Ben, you saved me because you wanted to save me." The fire in her eyes dissipated as she watched him wrestle with that, she knew his feelings. But having him admit them, that was the trick and one she hadn't yet learned.
Kylo Ren kept his gaze steady on her fiery eyes, all the while questions raced throughout his mind. But one seemed to shout above the others - demanding to be answered first. It seemed as of it was shouting so loudly he wondered if Rey could hear it too. This wasn't something easy to ask, certainly not for someone who had been manipulated, neglected, used, and tormented as he had been. With the question screaming in his mind and burning in his throat he stood silent, only his jaw clenching as an external sign of his inner turmoil. He feared to ask, just as he feared the answer. For any answer would produce consequences he didn't want to face. At the same time, he couldn't stay at this crossroads much longer.
This conflict was not something new to either of them, but to Rey, it felt closer than before. She kept her gaze steady on his features; the tensing of his jaw, his eyes narrowing and relaxing, even his lips pressing together- nothing escaped her notice. Yet she began to feel the telltale signs of their Bond fading for now. Rey wanted to say something to try and help him with this conflict, but much like he was, she was rendered speechless. But before she knew it, the chance to say anything had passed. And she was left alone, with the Supreme Leader's cape to keep her warm.