Author's note:
Inspired by the events of GA-S2-E18 "Yesterday", with an alternate ending. Enjoy!
bobbiejelly
First Impressions
You feel her looking at you when you first meet Mark Sloan.
Not that you knew he was Mark until you see Derek punch him in the face right in front of you, of course.
But as he hits the ground, you turn around almost imperceptibly, and you see her, eyes sad and hurt before she walks away again.
It's bizarre as far as first impressions go, and that's saying something after just this morning you've found out that your boss's boss had been secretly having an affair with your mother.
You feel her looking at you while you meet your patient who wants to send all the hate mail.
She's giving you an interesting expression as you try to empathize with this man's dying wish.
You wish he didn't want to go out like this; by causing everyone all this pain.
You try to turn around to see her again, but she's gone before you look over your shoulder.
You feel her looking at you while you hear about the woman who came into the E.R with spontaneous orgasms.
This time, you're sure she's staring at you, and not just looking past you at Derek or Mark.
You feel your insides heat up a bit at that look, biting your lip as you see her walking away now.
She's always looking at you, and then, she's always walking away.
You feel her looking at you while you're looking at Derek and Mark fighting inside of the Chief's office.
You watch them all fighting, and you realize you're angry at all of them; at all of it.
You're angry that Richard Webber broke up your family, and that he's not even admitting it to you.
You're angry that your McDreamy wasn't around enough for her, and that Mark apparently was, and that Addison gave into Mark when she was lonely.
You feel her looking at you while you see Mark Sloan trying to seduce her again.
You learn from that interaction that they'd lived together after.
You learn then, that Mark had been in love with her, while she'd still been in love with Derek.
You realize, at this point, that you can hardly blame him.
You feel her looking at you while you hear Derek's explanation for the collapse of his marriage.
He tells you that he had been absent.
It confirms what you knew already in the back of your mind about him having been a bad husband.
You think that you're dodging a bullet by still avoiding him.
You see her walking out of the elevator after Mark stroked her cheek softly.
You see her crying for the first time today.
She's been strong all day, just like she always seems to be, standing up for her patients, but never herself.
You see her fall in and out of love with two different men, and you wonder, just what she's seen in them, even though you don't question for a second what they had each, seen in her.
You see her on the way to the bar, a single rose in her hand, presumably to meet Mark, and take him up on his offer.
You realize she's never been there before, and that neither has Mark.
They don't have the history there that you and Derek do, and you're not sure if that's better or worse than what you've had, and you've lost.
You see Mark waiting for her at the counter, and you take one look at her hesitant expression, and you realize that he might not be Derek, but he's still a cause of her pain.
And that you desperately don't want him to be anymore.
She sees you, walking towards her, and she turns around, looking up, looking away from Derek, away from Mark, and she's smiling that polite tight-lipped smile she does when she's not sure what else to do with herself.
"Hey," Addison starts, but then her voice breaks right away, and you don't think anymore, and you don't watch anymore, and you don't wait anymore, either.
You rush into her, you hold her tight against your shoulder as she finally breaks down completely as she's been on the verge of since the moment she arrived in Seattle.
You start crying as well, you tell her about meeting your father, and about how you told him about how you found out about Richard, and she tells you, beyond all odds, that she knew, and that she's sorry, even though she shouldn't owe you anything at all, nor should you to her.
But you see each other now.
Because you're the only ones in this world that have been so broken and hurt these past few months.
When she tells you that she's here because she doesn't want to go home alone, and that she doesn't want to go home to Derek's trailer and feel all alone anyway, you almost expected it somehow, and you already have the offer to have her over rolling off of your tongue.
You feel her nodding before you see it, because your eyes are blurry with tears, as are hers. As you lead her out to your car, and tuck her into the passenger seat, she's sprouting apologies at you, and you put your hand over hers and tell her that that really should be your line, here, and she laughs.
When she looks up at you, and this time you're already looking up at her, you can tell that this time, for the first time in a long time, that she finally feels genuinely seen.
And you're happy for her, and she's happy for you.
You bring her home, and Alex and Izzie are hooking up loudly and trying to hide it, and you just roll your eyes, and you hear Addison giggle. She promises not to say anything to anyone, and you smile, and you know instantly that you can trust her.
When you get to the top of the stairs, you can tell that George wants to talk to you, but you're avoiding that inevitable conversation with him at all costs, so you send him to prepare some tea for you and Addison and for him if he wants some also, and he nods and complies, and then he leaves you both alone, and you're happy for that.
You hand Addison a spare set of nightclothes before you motion for her to crawl into your bed, before you tuck her into the sheets, and sit down beside her.
As you watch her, as you watch her watching you, you feel her tug on your sleeve just as you start leaving.
Addison holds onto you, and you realize she doesn't want you to go, she still doesn't want to be all alone, and you know you can empathize with the sentiment.
You nod, and you get ready for bed quickly as she sighs contentedly and nuzzles under the comforter.
You realize you only have one pillow, but that doesn't seem to matter, because she's speaking up now, and she's asking for you.
She falls asleep watching you, and you fall asleep watching her.
You feel her breathing start to be even as you press her close to your chest. You feel her arms wrap around you, and then you feel teardrops still falling onto your neck.
She's still crying, she's still sad and upset, and you reach up to stroke her hair tenderly. Addison whimpers, and you keep going until she finally settles.
As her face finally smoothes over to a peaceful expression, you can't help but wait for her to wake up in pain again, but this time she doesn't, and so you tuck in beside her, and you finally allow yourself to rest, also.
When you wake up first, you realize that you can't stop watching her, just as much as she's been watching you.
As Addison wakes up, her expression changes from peaceful, to neutral, to somber as she seems to remember what she has to face in the day.
You move to get up, but she tugs on you again, so you check your clock and decide you can rest up for just a little while longer.
Addison keeps saying 'thank you,' into your ear, and you laugh at the irony of it all, before you say it back to her. After all, she's the reason you ended up having a strangely good night last night instead of an awful one.
When you walk into the hospital for rounds you see all of Mark, George, and of course, Derek watching you.
They can't seem to comprehend the way that you two are suddenly getting along now and you've both agreed you're going to say it's all about your mutual dog or something, if anyone asks.
And funnily enough, no one seems to ask you about it, not even Derek, who had to be calmed down by Mark in some sort of fit of jealous rage.
And finally, and most unexpectedly of all, Mark Sloan comes up to you, but he doesn't seem to be angry. "You know, as far as the first time meeting someone goes, this is probably the weirdest, and I've done a lot of weird things in my life," and when you say that you don't doubt that, he laughs his McSteamy laugh, and you're suddenly glad that you have a new friend in the dirty mistress club.
When you see that he's not going to punch you anywhere, you keep talking to him, and you're intrigued at what he's about to say to you.
You're sort of nervous, because you realize at this point that from his perspective you took the 'love of his life,' home with you in front of his very eyes last night, and you bite your lip because you wonder what sort of strings and obligations that he might put on you, and you just can't handle any more of that, but you realize that you probably owe him something also, even though you've just met him for the first time only yesterday.
He doesn't put anything else on you though, instead, somehow, he seems to be setting you free. Setting you both free. Setting all of you free.
"You know, she's never going to love me the way she used to love Derek. And Derek is never going to love her the way he loves you. And me, well, if I loved her then, then I wouldn't have done to Derek what I did to him when I cheated with her, so, for all that it's worth, even if she loved me back fully, then I wouldn't deserve her anyway," Mark says to you honestly, and you realize that he's so much more than the rugged and confident exterior he presents himself as, and yet, that he's so much wiser than the 'pathological self-loathing,' being that he described himself to you as, as he'd been stitching up his own face as you held up a mirror.
As Mark leaves, you take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror, and you wonder why Mark is giving you some sort of fresh start, without judgment, when he should hate you, and you should probably hate him, too.
But then again, you realize you're definitely supposed to hate Addison, and she's definitely supposed to hate you.
But you don't, and she doesn't, and then you realize all of a sudden you're falling for her.
You realize you just want to go back to when you were holding her, when she was holding you, and when neither of you owed each other anything.
This time you're walking towards Addison on purpose, and this time you're the one who starts off by watching her. And then, she looks up, and she's smiling at you, and you're smiling at her. And as she starts walking towards you, you realize you're terrified because you suddenly have so much to lose now, because you know now what it's like to lie next to her.
You feel her inching closer to you now, as you feel yourself closer to her now.
She reaches to wrap your arms around her shoulder, and you wrap your arms around her back.
You have no idea what to say to her now, and you have no idea what she'll say to you back. So you keep walking and not talking until Addison starts talking to you, and she asks you a question, and you find your heart leaping out of your chest as you say 'yes,' to her.
After all, how could you say no to a pretty woman asking you to both walk your McDog together?
***** FIN
Author's Note:
Whoa, this started out as nothing in particular, and I'm actually surprised and happy with how it worked out. I wanted to re-write the events after 'Yesterday,' for more #meddison, but also because the events in GA-S2-E19 "What Have I Done To Deserve This" were rather horribly tragic all around, and I like writing Mark as a good guy. Anyway, have a good one everyone, and I'd love to know your thoughts about this if you have a moment and choose to do so :).
bobbiejelly