Chapter 4:Tu No Sabes (Don Omar)

By the time that we left the church, I felt sick again. The pain in my back was back and now my stomach had joined the party, great! Mami and Quinn flanked me as we stepped outside.

"It was nice having you two at mass. I have my meeting downtown, so this is where we part ways. Where are you ladies headed?" Mami asked and I shrugged, trying to put all of my focus into keeping my head up and not vomiting was more important. Luckily, Q never had a problem with answering for me.

"Probably to the Lima Bean, we'll grab a quick bite before we head to Mrs. Perkins."

"See Mami, there's no shortage of people making sure I eat." I said as I climbed in the passenger seat of Q's old bug.

"Good! That means you have surrounded yourself with a village."

"Of Fools." I said once the door was closed.

"Bee in your bonnet?" Q asked cheerfully and I buckled in and rolled my eyes.

"Just shut up and drive, please?" I muttered.

"Santana! Do not tell me to shut up, that's not nice." She said, still bubbly as we left the church.

I didn't bother apologizing, instead I just rested my head back and closed my eyes. All I wanted in that moment was Ian and my son. The ache that I felt was so deep that even my unborn was feeling it.

My fault.

Quinn turned up the radio and I groaned as NPR played.

"Good God, are you 85 years old?" I asked and she cleared her throat.

"I'm choosing not to engage your taunts right now."

"By responding you just did."

After that we were both silent as we headed to the Lima Bean while she tried to bore me and the baby to death.

My phone vibrated but I just let it go to voicemail, even though I knew it was Britt.

Even though just yesterday when I got the news, she was all that I wanted...right then all I wanted was the assurance that I would be allowed to go to the funeral.

I had thought getting Quinn to shut up was me getting the last laugh but when we got to the Lima Bean and she ordered food for me, paid for it and then proceeded to watch me eat an entire danish...I was suddenly feeling like she was the one laughing.

The first moment that I could, I excused myself to the bathroom and shoved my fingers down my throat.

A million years ago, I promised B that I wouldn't make myself throw up and up until that moment I had kept that promise.

Oh well.

When I came out of the stall, Quinn was staring in the mirror at her reflection as she touched up her lip gloss.

"You okay?"

"Morning sickness." I lied and she didn't bother responding, she just nodded and checked her watch.

"We should get going then, unless you wanted to try eating again?"

"No thanks." I said before rinsing my mouth and then shoving a stick of gum in my mouth.

If she was skeptical she didn't show it.

Thankfully.

It was a silent ride as I tried to ignore the lurching in the pit of my stomach.

I felt so broken inside after seeing that Abuela had literally tried to sabotage any chance that I had of building a bridge between me and Ian's mother. I mean shit, I don't like the woman, even more so now that I have met her, but that is no reason for Abuela to try and fuck shit up. No matter what, this woman is still the grandmother of my child, she is Isaac's blood and I don't want to get in between that. Sangre...is sacred. Papi always stressed that nothing should come between blood, nothing! Abuela knew that...she understood that, so why the hell was she trying to screw things up for me?

On top of my grandmother's betrayal was the way that Mrs. Perkins was acting. She acted as if I was the one that held the gun to her son's chest, as if I was the one who wronged her. Guilt plagued me because I was still unsure who that gun belonged to but she had no way of knowing that, unless...did she think I gave it to him? Then there was the flinch when I mentioned his name. It seemed like the very mention of her son made her skin crawl. I knew that Quinn had noticed the flinch like I did but she didn't seem too keen on talking about it.

We both knew that there was so much shit that we didn't know and that attempting to guess was fruitless.

My throat was raw from the way my nails had scrapped the back of my throat and it served me right for forcing morning sickness on myself.

My fault.

"So your grandmother..." I could tell that Quinn didn't quite know how to phrase the question and so I just offered what I could in hopes that it would quench her thirst because no one but Britt really knew just how damaged my coming out was to my relationship with my Abuela.

"I came out to her just after Finn outed me. She told me it was better that I had just kept it all a secret. She told me she never wanted to see me again, speak to me again...that she didn't want me in her house. This morning was the first time that I saw her since that day."

"Wow, San, I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "There was nothing you could do."

"Why did Gladys just stand there like that? Why didn't she defend you?"

"That's her mom. She is always like that in front of her...like a statue. I mean out of my mother's six siblings...my Abuela only talks to Mami and Titi Paola. She has cut out her own children for one thing or another over the years. My mom is afraid that if she crosses her that she will disown her too. Its pathetic but I can understand it."

"Has she met Izzy?"

"No."

"Wow, not even your son? He's an innocent. I don't want to call her a bad Christian but fuck."

"I know."

"I just can't believe it all, how do you deal with it San?"

"Not well. I ignore it until days like today when it is thrust back into my face."

When we got back to the house, I had just enough time to change into more comfortable clothes and to have toast at Q's urging. I promised myself that I would eat a bigger meal later. I just didn't have the appetite and wasn't going to force myself to eat food that I didn't even want. The pain in my stomach was now a constant so I was going to give in and go straight to the hospital after meeting with Mrs. Perkins. I felt like I no longer had a choice because Quinn was beginning to take notice and I didn't want her to call Britt.

In the time that I had known him, Ian had never invited me into his house, like ever and I never argued or said anything about it because I knew better. Sometimes that's just how it goes down in that part of Lima Heights. It was the part that Abuela never let me enter on my own as a kid since it was in the more run down part of town and that's saying something since the Spanish part of Lima Heights is pretty rough for a cow town like Lima. This was the Irish part of Lima Heights that you don't go to alone if you are any shade of tan or brown and definitely not if you were gay. I felt a little on edge and I was glad that Q had come, she was as white bred as they come.

So each time that I dropped Ian off, I just hugged him, kissed him and watched him walk to the door. I never stayed longer than absolutely necessary and I would quickly lock my doors like he insisted and then would speed off. I never asked questions about his home life. I never asked questions about much of anything...I always just waited for him to tell me what he wanted me to know, so now that he was gone and I had a billion questions and I was going stir crazy.

There was an ache in the pit of my stomach that added to the other pains that I was trying my best to ignore because I had to be tough.

For Ian.

Screw whether I belonged in this part of Lima Heights or not, I could handle myself.

I was born in New York City, I spent all of my free time as a kid in Lima Heights but I had never felt poor. In fact, Papi had made sure that I never knew poverty personally but he still always made sure I respected it because even the rich can be poor. So, I had grown up always just accepting that some people had more and some people had less and made sure that no matter how many insults that I was slinging I never talked about someone's station in life. I have never been that kind of snob. I prided myself on that but for the first time I felt snooty as I pulled the car up to the sidewalk, just outside of the tattered house.

The BMW was gone, which made my skin feel tight because now, I wasn't feeling so fucking generous. That car was still in my father's name, I had paid for it's last service and if I wanted, I could take it back at any moment.

My hope was that I wouldn't be pushed that far. I just wanted to be civil.

As we stepped out of the car I could see people peering through their windows at us. It made me happy that we hadn't come in Papi's old convertible and had come in Q's bug instead.

When we climbed the stairs up to the front porch that I had watched Ian stand on dozens of times I was suddenly overcome with a wave of emotions stronger than any I had felt thus far.

Quinn grabbed onto my arm as I bent over to catch my breath.

"Are you going to be sick again?"

"I just need a sec." I said, trying my best to gather myself.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Being emotional is the worst part of being pregnant, for me. I have cried more in the past year than I had in my whole life prior. It was so out of character for me. Britt loved it about me, it made me more real...or something to that effect. I just thought it made me seem weak. Q rubbed my back and handed me a tissue. I nodded in appreciation as I stood to my full height again and then tried my best to wipe my tears.

She looked at me in concern as her hand hovered, "You ready?"

I nodded and she knocked on the door. I knew that my makeup was probably a wreck and vowed that I would stop wearing it until I got my crying under control.

I had expected Mrs. Perkins to answer the door since it was exactly nine but instead of the cold unfeeling eyes from earlier, we were greeted by a girl that I had never seen before. She was gorgeous. She had the same blue eyes as her mother but hers had all of the life and warmth that Ian's had. Her hair fell down past her shoulders in black silky curls and her pale face was littered with freckles. The contrast of dark hair with blue eyes was eerily similar to Isaac, almost like in a few years, she could be his mother. I was struck with fascination.

Who was she?

Ian had never mentioned siblings but then again, he never mentioned much at all.

Noah was right, I never treated him the way that he deserved.

My fault.

Quinn looked over at me with a questioning glance but I just shrugged my shoulders and plastered on my best, non threatening smile.

The girl smiled back at us and then she bowed her head, averting her eyes away from us before she stepped back and opened the door wider. Quinn stood rooted to her spot on the step, so I stepped in first, pulling her along with me. The girl quickly shut the door and locked it. If it had been anyone else, that gesture would have immediately put me on high alert but I felt like I could immediately trust this girl. It was the aura that surrounded her, it made me immediately comfortable.

Just like Ian.

So many more questions were cropping up in my head and I just couldn't contain them all. I wanted to ask a billion things of the girl but I knew that it wasn't something that was proper. She didn't know me. She had no reason to just give me all the information she had. What if she didn't know anything? What if she was just some neighbor?

Okay...I knew that was a stretch...she was definitely a Perkins...just how, I wasn't sure yet.

We stood by the door and looked around the intimate space. It seemed like everything in the house shined and what didn't shine was covered in plastic. It reminded me of my Abuela's house. She couldn't do anything about the neighborhood or the state of her house on the outside but the inside was always clean and organized. I felt a small smile come to my lips. It had a homey feel to it that put me at ease.

But even though it felt comfortable, I tried not to stare at anything too long, I didn't want to be rude and I also knew that Quinn wasn't used to Lima Heights or any of the houses. Quinn learned her humility in the face of poverty from me and so I knew that she was taking her cues from me on how to appropriately behave. So I was definitely policing myself.

Everything needed to go just right.

I was insanely grateful when the girl ushered us into the tiny kitchen and gestured us towards two seats at the small wooden table. The kitchen was just as immaculate as the rest of the downstairs part of the house. The girl looked a bit anxious as she stood there watching us. Quinn was sitting there playing with the hem of her dress while I openly examined the girl. It was almost creepy the fascination that I had with her.

"You are very beautiful...my brother spoke a lot about you." she finally said in the most angelic voice and I wished right then that I could return the sentiment but there was no way I could.

I was blown away. And no, I wasn't creeping on her in that way. It's happened a few times in my life, where I have met someone who I feel like I have known before. It is what I felt when I met Quinn and again when I met Brittany. I was thrown off when she gave me an insight into her identity and I was totally intrigued now.

"You're Ian's sister?" I whispered back, my throat suddenly tight. Never had he spoken about her, not even once.

So much for thinking that I knew anything about my son's father.

There goes that flinch again. Maybe Ian's name had become a taboo with his family, I mean he had just killed himself in the very house that I was sitting in. It was enough to make me cringe. She looked up at me and smiled really big and I saw him there, all over her face. Of course she was his little sister.

"You shouldn't say his name, while you're here. Mother can't bear to hear it and if I'm honest...it hurts to hear you say it." she said looking away and then quickly wiping at her eyes. She was embarrassed by the tears. She looked like she was internally scolding herself for having them. She took a deep breath after she was sure that no more tears remained on her face and then looked back up at me with bright eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said immediately.

"It's alright, you didn't know."

"Where is your mother?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, mother just left. She is drove Uncle Thomas to work...she will return shortly." So that's where the car went. I didn't know much but I did know that Ian's family had been relying public transportation to get everywhere. If she was driving, odds are she was in Ian's car.

"Oh...okay. So what's your name?"

"Victoria Ingrid but I like to be called Tor." she squeaked out.

"Nice to meet you, Tor, I'm Santana and this is my friend Quinn." I said, pressing a hand against Quinn's arm. Q looked up and flashed a smile before looking around again, she seemed uneasy and it was evident.

Whatever was going through her mind, she needed to get her shit together before Ian's mom got here or I was never going to let her hear the end of it.

"I know who you are. You were Cheerios, I snuck into a lot of your practices. You were amazing."

Quinn's head suddenly shot up and I did a double take. We would have noticed this girl. She was just Sue's type. She was gorgeous and thin. We both obviously couldn't remember ever seeing her and felt bad that we had missed such an opportunity. She smiled and shook her head at us, almost as if she could read our minds.

"You wouldn't have known me. I'm a freshman this upcoming year, hopefully a future Cheerio. My brother always let me watch the practices while I waited for him after school. I saw when you broke your leg." she said as she pointed at Quinn's leg.

Quinn blushed bright red as she rubbed her leg. "Yeah that was a bad day." she mumbled then she appraised Tor from head to toe with that cold Head Cheerio gaze and then looked back up at the girl, "And don't worry about Sue, the moment she sees you...she'll cut a varsity just to get you up on top of that pyramid."

Tor beamed at Quinn's words and then leaned in closer to me before whispering, "Do you have any pictures of the baby?"

"Of Isaac? Of course, I do!"

I relished any opportunity to look at photos of my son. I pulled out my phone and clicked on a recent album. His smiling face lit up the screen and I felt another round of tears coming on. I missed him.

When I handed the phone over to her, I watched as her face lit up, too. She was scrolling through the pictures one by one and looked like this was the happiest moment of her life.

The front door slammed suddenly and without warning I watched the girl put the phone down and quickly scurry away. She had turned paler and looked like she had been caught red handed. I looked over at Quinn and could see that she looked a bit shaken and was quickly throwing up her walls. I prepared to do the same, especially after seeing how scared Ingrid was as she left the room.

I knew that look of fear in her eyes. Someone was hurting her. I was just praying that it wasn't in the same way that Ian was hurt.

Mrs. Perkins stepped into the kitchen with that same air of superiority that she had back at the church and immediately began to brew coffee. We sat quietly not knowing what to say or how to act in front of her. As she made the coffee, it made me question if she knew that I was pregnant again. Had Ian shared the news that he was choosing to father another one of my children?

Had he told her this one wasn't his but he expected to be seen as a father anyway?

"Ingrid, come in here and serve." she shouted.

Moments later, Tor came scurrying back into the kitchen with her head bowed and her lips tucked in her mouth. She looked like she was on the verge of tears but was doing her best to hold them in. What had been done to her that the very presence of her mother provoked such a fear in her? It was how I was when Papi was drunk but she didn't look bruised in any way.

More questions.

A shooting pain worse than all the others, shot through me and I could barely suppress the groan. I clapped a hand over my stomach and put the other over my mouth. The pain came with a bout of nausea as well.

Great, well at least the wench's back was turned.

Quinn looked over at me anxiously and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay, San?" I nodded. It seemed the baby wanted to make its presence known. I just looked at Quinn and then down to my stomach.

"Nothing worse than normal...just a bit nauseous." I murmured hoping that seemed innocuous enough.

Mrs. Perkins sat down across from me and next to Quinn as we waited to be served our coffee but when the time came Ingrid only put cups in front of her mother and Quinn. Okay, with the way she acted, I could definitely tell that she knew at least. I smiled up at her and gladly accept the glass of water that she handed me. Ian must have told her.

"So it is true then, what your grandmother told me, that you're pregnant again?" Mrs. Perkins said as she stared me down. I took at sip of the water and let it wash down some of the nausea as I looked Ian's mother in the eye.

"Yes."

"With my son's baby?"

"I'm due in February." I said evading her question because as of this moment only about four people knew this was Marco's child and I wanted to keep it that way.

"I see."

I sat there awkwardly and drank my water, trying hard to suppress the intense pain that I was in. I just had to last just a little while longer and then we could head to the hospital. I wasn't sure what to say at this point. I had been thinking about everything that I had wanted to say to this woman since I got to Lima but now it seemed like the words had dried up. I was too overwhelmed with everything else that was going on in my head and my body, to think straight. Quinn however has always been good in these awkward situations.

"Thank you so much for allowing us to meet with you, Mrs. Perkins. These circumstances aren't the very best, of course but the meeting of the most important women in your son's life was inevitable and incredibly necessary." I looked over at Q and smiled genuinely. How did I think that I would be capable of doing this alone?

"I agree, Mrs. Perkins. I know the pain it has caused me and so I can't even begin to fathom what you must be feeling, at a time like this." I said as I sipped my water again.

"Relief." She said matter-of-fact, with those cold eyes.

What?!

The water got caught in my throat and I began to choke on it. Had she really just said that? Quinn was patting me on the back as I tried to regain myself. What was wrong with this woman? When I finally regained myself I looked back up at her and could feel the frown marring my face.

"Pardon me? I don't think I heard you right..."

"You heard me just fine. I am relieved that he is gone. My son was a burden on this family with all of his lies. He tainted our family by getting you pregnant twice. Then when I finally accepted that you and the baby weren't going anywhere, he told me how he had signed his rights away. That Isaac was no more my grandson than some pauper on the street."

For the first time I could hear the strain in her voice. She was hurting. I could see it, I could imagine it. It was similar to Quinn's not being able to see Beth. I didn't like it one bit. If this was the problem, why hadn't he just told me? I had no problem with her getting to know Isaac. I mean yeah she seemed like a bitch but maybe that was because she felt like something was taken from her. Right? I could fix that. Easy.

"With all due respect Mrs. Perkins. I never kept your son from Isaac, not one day and I would never keep Isaac from you. Ever! I have no problem with you seeing him, getting to know him. I only want what's best for my son and I would never deny you from him, blood ties are very important to me." I said trying to hammer my point home.

"So then why isn't he here?"

"Like I told you at the church, he is in New York. His lungs are still too vulnerable for the plane ride. Regardless of how he got sick, he is sick. Had I known though that this was the issue, I would have made it a point to drive here just so that you could see him." I had my hands clenched together on the table top and I maintained eye contact the best that I could. I couldn't believe that this had been the point of contention.

I hope that Ian didn't kill himself over it.

"You don't mean that, do you? Are you lying to me? I've heard the stories about you. I know the things that you have done and how you treat people."

"I don't deny anything that I've done. I'm a bitch, undoubtedly. I have made my share of mistakes and I am stronger from those experiences. I loved your son, purely and unconditionally. He meant the world to me. There is no other man that I would want as the father of my children. I'm proud to have known him and to have created new life with him. I'm proud that I still hold a piece of him."

"You weren't proud enough. You left here with his son and you're pregnant to boot. You went off and married that girl when you could have married him and given your children a proper name."

"I'm a lesbian, Mrs. Perkins. I love my wife and don't regret marrying her. I am committed to her, he knew that and he accepted it."

"Then how did you get pregnant again, if you are so committed to your wife?" I could feel the tears coming down and I didn't care. I could see why someone with such a soft temperament like Ian's could get crushed by this woman she was ruthless, she could teach Berry a few things.

"Regardless of how it happened, it did and that changes nothing. I love my wife and Ian knew that, even if we shared a moment or two of comfort he knew where my heart was."

"And your wife is okay with that? She is okay that you broke your commitment to her with my son, over a moment of comfort? Is that why she isn't here with you?"

"She has school and she is caring for our son. Why are attacking me? I'm giving you what you want."

"I want to see him. I want you to prove that you mean to make good on allowing me to spend time with him."

"Fine. After the funeral I can fly you and Ingrid out to New York...put you up in a hotel. Anything you need so that you can have your time with him."

"Are you trying to placate me?"

"No. I mean it. I will make all the arrangements."

"Why would you do that? After everything that I just said to you...why would you still be willing to spend that much money just so I can spend time with Isaac?"

"Because I know what it is like to be kept from someone that you love, to lose someone that you love. I won't do that to you. Isaac is your grandson. He has your eyes, your blood running through his veins...who am I to deny you your right to him?"

"That's awfully generous of you."

"No, it's fair of me. So, just let me know when you would like to come and I will arrange it all, ok?"

"And the new baby...will you allow me time with that child too?" I wasn't sure about that, this kid could come very well looking dark like Marco and brown eyed like me and Marco both but she didn't need to know that so I just rolled with it.

"Of course, the same holds true for this baby as well."

"I may have been a little too hasty in banning you from the service after all...please accept my apologies, you're welcome to attend."

"No need, I understand...I apologize for any hurt that I caused your family. I hope that we can move past this and do what's best for everyone involved."

I felt so sick to my stomach when she smiled at me. I felt like I had just sold my children or signed a pact with the devil. I didn't have a good feeling about all of this but I was hoping that for once my instincts were wrong. I made a move to stand but Mrs. Perkins cleared her throat. I shifted and looked back towards her.

"Before you go...I need you to do something for me." she said as she stood to her feet.

"Um...okay." I said, feeling like my patience with her was wearing thin.

She left the table and walked into the next room. Quinn was looking nervously at me and so was Ingrid. I could tell that they both didn't seem too happy about the arrangement that I had just made with Ian's mother and they weren't alone. I needed to talk this through with Britt. She could see what I couldn't see. No one could read people better than her. She would have known right away if this was all wrong.

I couldn't let this frazzle me while I still sat in that house so I just smiled at them both and tried to get them to relax. Quinn just nodded and finished off the last of her coffee. Tor though, stood there and looked at me with pity. I was definitely missing something. I felt a chill go through me as Mrs. Perkins walked back in the room with a metal lock box in her hands. I looked up at her with rapt attention as she placed the box down onto the table in front of me. I looked down at it and back at her. She had a bit of a smirk on her face and my stomach lurched again. There were little speckles of dried blood on it.

"Can you open this?" she said as she I looked down at the box and then back up at me. "It was my son's. It has my father's cuff links in it. All the things that he cherished the most are in that box...you can have everything in it but I would like those cuff links back."

She looked annoyed at the box. She must have been trying to unlock the thing for quite a while.

It was one of those four digit number locks, where you create your own pass code. Why would she think that I would know how to open it? As his mother, one would think that she of all people would know her son well enough to know what his pass code was but then again...knowing Ian...he was banking on her not knowing him at all.

I put in my birthday because hey, he was in love with me right? When the lock didn't click I knew that there had to be some other four digit number that he knew his mother wouldn't immediately know.

What was his pin number?

Finally a light bulb appeared in my head. Of course! I smiled to myself and then flashed a grin at Q, she knew immediately what the code was just as well as I did.

4,7,1,2

When the lock popped open, my heart melted and I smiled bigger, of course everything came back to Isaac.

"4/7/12, it's Isaac's birthday." Mrs. Perkins raised an eyebrow, she obviously hadn't known the day that her grandson was born. Tor though, was suppressing a grin...maybe she had tried to tell her mother.

I cracked the box open and a few flakes of dried blood fell to the table top. I had to bite on the inside of my cheek as the nausea filled me. This was all so real now. Then when I looked inside the box, I felt like I was looking into Ian's soul. I pushed through the stuff in there and found the black and silver cuff links that Ian had worn to the prom and pulled them out into the palm of my hand. I swallowed past the nausea yet again as I pushed the beautiful cuff links across the table.

I have never seen anyone move so quickly. The woman swooped down and gripped the cuff links in her hand tightly with a look of triumph on her face. I shrugged and looked down at the box again.

"Are you sure you don't want to at least see some of this stuff before I take it?"

"I got what I wanted...the rest of that junk will probably mean more to you than it ever will to me."

The moment that we stepped out onto the porch, I sucked in a deep breath. I was still trying to fight my tears and the pain that was now shooting through my stomach and my ass. I felt like I was going to die. Quinn tossed an arm around my shoulders and led me down to the pavement.

"I need you to take me somewhere okay." I mumbled.

"Okay, you're looking pale. You okay?"

She helped me into the passenger seat and I closed my eyes in relief.

It felt good to be out of that woman's house. I clutched the lock box and tried to center myself.

I suddenly felt like I couldn't move. I rested my head back and turned towards Quinn. Although she had already started the car she looked like she was having trouble moving herself. I had been shocked by how silent she had been. I knew that she was thrown off her game and didn't know how to deal with it. She looked back at me and then reached over and buckled me in. I smiled appreciatively as I clutched the blood spattered metal box in my lap.

"That woman gave me the creeps." Quinn said as she adjusted the mirrors.

"Yea...I felt the same way. I can't believe she was related to Ian."

"Are you really going to fly her out to New York?" we pulled out onto the street and were finally making our way away from Lima Heights. Thank God!

"Yes...that way I can keep an eye out and so Brittany can be there. I wish she had been with us just now."

"Me too."

"I do know though that I wouldn't bring Isaac here that's for sure."

"I second that."

I groaned through a cramp and clenched my eyes closed. "I feel like shit."

"You're really starting to worry me San. Where do you need to go?" Quinn said as she gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"To the hospital."

"Ugh! Did we not spend enough time there this year? Do you feel that bad?"

"Yes. Besides you can blame this on Britt. She called Dr. Ramirez so that I could get a checkup and now I think I need it."

"Of course she did. You know I love B right?"

"Yes...but I agree she is being a bit overprotective."

"Absolutely. How can you stand it?"

"I prefer it to the cheating, the abuse, and um the lies."

"You have a point."

"I'm nervous Q."

"On a scale from one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

"A fifteen"

"Yea...then Britt was definitely right."

As we drove to the hospital, I texted the good doctor just to let her know that I was showing up to my appointment a little early and that I wasn't feeling too hot, so as we walked up to the doors to the annex, with Quinn holding my arm because walking was a bitch, there she stood. I smiled through the pain as I felt a bit of nostalgia at seeing Dr. Ramirez.

"Santana Lopez! Aren't you looking pretty in pink." I had forgotten that I was wearing a pink summer dress. I know crazy but true. Pink is my thing lately.

"Thanks doc." I muttered.

"And Ms. Fabray...always the innocent in white!" I rolled my eyes. Quinn was far from a fucking virgin...yet she still dressed like it.

"Innocent, Ha!" I laughed out loud not being able to contain myself. Quinn landed an elbow to my side and the pain that shot through me made me wince.

"Careful there Quinn, do that again and you'll have an angry lesbian on your hands." I choked out as we entered the exam room.

I headed straight into the bathroom and changed out of my clothes and into the hospital gown. I hated them but they were a necessary evil during exams. When I reentered the room, Quinn was typing away on her phone just outside the bathroom door. Probably texting Britt, no doubt. I crawled up on the exam table, while Quinn sat on the chair just beside me. I was feeling a bit dizzy and just wanted to vomit but I knew that there was barely anything in my stomach.

Dr. Ramirez came into the room and shut the door before proceeding to wash her hands and snap on some gloves. She seemed amused with herself today...or maybe I brought that out in her. I wasn't quite certain. I leaned forward with my hands on my knees and looked at her as I took deep breaths.

"Lie back." I nodded and finally gave in to the urge to rest my body. The moment I laid onto the pillow, I felt my body relax tenfold. She stood over me and looked down into my face as she adjusted the bed into a more reclined position so that I was almost sitting up but not quite. Her happy expression looked a little troubled all of a sudden. "So let's go for the tough stuff first, since you aren't looking so good...ok?"

"Okay doc." I choked out as she began to take my temperature and blood pressure.

"Have you gotten high lately?"

"Not since May. I also haven't touched alcohol." I said, feeling proud of myself.

"I see that rehab had a powerful impact on you."

"It definitely did, I still have cravings from time to time but I'm learning to manage them."

"Good to hear! Are you seeing a doctor in the city?"

"Yes. Dr. Cabot...she has nothing on you doc...although she is pretty hot."

"And I'm not? I mean it's a shame really...the hottest doctors do make the biggest mistakes."

"That's not true! And if it is...then Quinn is sure in trouble!" I couldn't see her but I'm pretty sure Quinn was shooting me a death glare.

"Have you had any spotting?"

"No...just a lot of pain lately."

"When did it start?"

"On the plane yesterday."

"Alright...lets get you on your feet and then we can further examine you. Come step up on the scale."

"Ugh...I hate this part." I bitched as I slid down onto the cold floor tiles. Quinn had a hand out to steady me thankfully, since I nearly landed on my face. "Thanks, Q."

"No problem." she said as she continued to walk with me until I was securely up on the scale. I watched as Dr. Ramirez began to move the heavy metal pieces around and then she scrunched up her face and scribbled something down. I looked at her feeling a sense of dread.

"113 pounds. That's not good enough."

"Are you kidding? Before Isaac I was 98. This is pretty heavy in my book."

"Well your book is flawed. Before this pregnancy I have you listed at 109...you need to gain more weight for this pregnancy to stick. How is your diet?"

I shrugged as Quinn helped me back up on the table. I laid back against the pillows again and clenched my eyes shut as a pain hit me again, this time on my side. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Dr. Ramirez had her eyebrow cocked and was holding her hand out.

"What? Do I have to get back up?" I said as I rested up on my elbows.

"Give me your phone."

"What for?" I asked as I grabbed my purse from Quinn. What could she possibly need it for? She came over to me and put her hand out again.

"Hand it over."

I sighed as I rummaged through my purse, total pigsty that it was, and pulled out my phone. Quinn looked amused as she watched me. Did I miss something? I unlocked the phone and then handed it over to her. I watched as she looked through it and then hit the screen. I rolled my eyes. I knew what she was doing and I did not approve. The room was suddenly filled with the sound of the phone ringing.

"Hey Ana!" Britt's voice came through. She sounded out of breath, like she had run to the phone.

"Brittany, its Dr. Ramirez."

"Oh...hey Doc. Everything okay?" she sounded nervous and I could just picture her nibbling on her lip.

"Working on it. I have your wife here. Could you tell me how often Santana eats?"

"Um...when I make her. I have a classes this summer so I usually have a least one meal a day with her. Why what's wrong? Is the diabetes back?"

"No. She is just a bit underweight for someone her height and age, especially someone who is almost four months pregnant. I need her to gain about 10 pounds."

My jaw dropped I had never been that big...not even with Isaac. When I got pregnant with him I had just tipped the scale at 98 and when I had him I was 110. Is she kidding me? How was I supposed to manage that much weight? I was feeling sick just thinking about it.

"I will do all that I can. Thanks doc. Ana baby...what did you eat today?" she called through the phone. I swallowed deeply and then looked at the knowing looks from Quinn and Dr. Ramirez.

"I had a danish but I got sick. Then I slice of toast and a banana."

"That's definitely not enough babe! Quinnie, can you please make sure she eats? Please?"

"Okay Britt. You got it." Quinn muttered as she smiled at me. I rolled my eyes.

"I have to get back to class now, love you guys. Ana...please eat!" the line cut out and then suddenly the silence was slapping me in the face. I sat there feeling annoyed that everyone was on my case. I could feel the irritation under my skin. My stomach was hurting and I hadn't gotten any answer to why that was.

"Look I don't need this right now okay. I'm stressed. I'm tired, I'm in a fucking state of mourning and I'm hurting! Fix that and then worry about me eating...okay?"

"I just needed to stress why it is so important for you to take care of yourself. The last time that you were this stressed out you turned to drugs."

"Fuck, I know, okay? I'm doing my best." It was a lie and I think we all knew it but they just let it hang there. Then I thought of how excited Ian was to still be considered this kid's father. Maybe I could save his life but I could at least take care of the babies that he loved.

"So what do you suggest, doc?"

"Eat more, to be honest you need to overeat when you can."

"Fine. I will try. Now can you please make the pain go away?" I huffed with all the irritation than I could muster. I was tired and achy and just wanted her to fucking fix me.

During my aggravating visit with the good doctor, I found out that the pain that I had was because my body was seeking nutrition from my muscles. She told me I controlled my pain by how much I ate. I thought it was a bullshit diagnosis but I just promised to drink three gallons of water and eat a whole steak, since apparently my iron was low too. She shot me up with a bunch of vitamins and put me on a drip until my body was back to its needed hydration levels. I will admit that I did feel better afterwards.

So I begrudgingly bit my tongue the whole ride home, not wanting to admit that I did indeed feel better. I attempted to go right up to bed but instead Quinn insisted on dragging me out to the tennis courts to tell my mom and mother-in-law about my doctor's visit and so I ended up in the kitchen with them as they all watched me eat an obscene amount of food.

They had wanted to get into the conversation that I had with Mrs. Perkins but after about two minutes of digestion I was falling asleep across the kitchen island.

So finally, Mami helped me upstairs to my room. I was feeling insanely tired so I allowed her to help me change and then she tucked me under my big comforter and turned the air on full blast just the way that I liked it. I thanked her graciously and then closed my eyes tightly, I just needed to escape for a few hours.

I slept longer than I had intended to because when I woke up it was dark outside. I dragged myself out of the bed and stretched my body out. The pain was completely gone now. I felt so relieved. I sat back down on to the bed and picked up my phone. I had a message from Quinn telling me she was spending the rest of the afternoon with her parents but would be back to cuddle. Then there was a message from my mother telling me that she was headed out shopping for dinner that night. Finally I saw that I had six missed calls from Britt and six text messages.

I needed to talk to her about this. She really should get into the habit of calling someone else to make sure I wasn't dead or something. Then again...she probably did...I mean she had called Noah and Dr. Ramirez. I scrolled through the texts which were more urgent as they went along.

Tlkd 2 ur doc agn. Said ur wy 2 sknny. Do u need me thr?-B

"No." I muttered in response.

Tlkd 2 Izzy's doc said he is clrd 2 fly-B

"Fuck no! I don't want him on a plane!" That had been three hours ago.

Bkd my tckt-B

"Fuck!"

Where r u?-B

"Apparently not around to talk you out of coming."

Gttng on pln c u soon-B

"I cannot believe you right now Brittany Susan." I was so angry. All my achieved peace had flown right out of the window.

Jst gt 2 Dayton, Izzy slpt da whl way.-B

"I can't believe you right now."

I yelled as I threw my phone across the bed, it rolled until it landed with a thump, onto the carpeted floor.

Fuck!

I really didn't want him on a plane. Too late now I guess...now I just had no choice but to wait. She was going to get an earful when I saw her. I sat back in bed and tried to make the new ache in my head stop. I was literally shaking with rage.

When I heard a knock on the door a few seconds later, I burst into tears. I couldn't contain the emotions swimming through me in that moment. I just wanted Ian. I wanted him here to talk me down from the ledge...but then again...Fuck!

The door creaked open and there standing in front of me with the biggest grin on her fucking face was my wife. She knew though...she knew from the look on my face that she was the last person I wanted to see right now. Her face dropped and panic immediately flooded her features because she knew as well as I did, that she had just fucked up big time.

A/N: I have so many feelings when it comes to this chapter. Do you? Let me know what you think.