AN: Greetings, I hope this chapter finds you well.
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When night fell, Rey found herself in an all too familiar position. Curled up on her bunk and wrapped in a large swath of dark fabric far too large for her smaller frame. Her thoughts drawn - as they usually were recent - on the fabric's true owner. Before Ach-To all of this was easier. Hate was easy when she hated him when he was a monster she didn't lie awake wondering.
But how could he be a monster now? She knew no monster would hold her close and try to comfort her. She knew how easily those deep eyes and stoic face could snarl into a rage. 'Too many sides.' She mused to herself before letting out a frustrated groan. Yet, that's what people were. Very seldom were people just one side, they might try to show only one but that simply wasn't the whole truth. Just as there was Light in her Rey knew there was also Darkness. 'Just like Ben.' She thought to herself as she recalled the pain and rejection that seemed to surround him as she closed the Falcon's bay doors back on Crait - severing their Bond for a time. Unbidden her thoughts turned to their most recent encounter and their embrace. Beneath the blanket, she circled her arms around herself as she remembered the feel of Ben's larger form holding her close. Her eyes drifted closed as she tried to relive that moment. She had felt understood by Ben before, but at that moment even with her panicked mind, she felt safe - at home even.
Rey would have probably stayed there, tossing and turning getting no sleep while she pondered the enigma that was Ben Solo and Kylo Ren as she did many nights, at least more than she cared to admit. But an explosion pulled her from her thoughts. Within moments the black cloak lay on her bunk while a brown-haired woman sprinted from the room and towards the sounds of chaos.
Long days were something Kylo Ren was used to. Whether it be as a child or as an adult the young man never knew a time when his day ended just because the sun had set. There was too much to do, and that was never as true as it was currently. Snoke had trained him in using the Dark Side but never in the acts of ruling the First Order. Although the Supreme Leader would never admit it, he drew on those small lessons he'd learned while at his mother's side. Of course, he still had much to learn in politics, but he was gaining more ground each day towards his goal to manage the First Order effectively.
In all regards, he should be proud of himself for how he handled the committees that he'd created within the First Order, and how he managed the Senate Ambassador without ripping out the man's larynx. His mind wandered for a moment wondering if Rey would be proud at how well he was handling power without destroying things at every turn. The fleeting thoughts flew from his mind easily enough, as it was with many other fleeting thoughts of Rey. Kylo Ren would not admit it but thoughts of Rey were becoming more consistent as time passed. But even though he was managing things well recently, a nervous energy plagued him - pulled at his mind. Demanding that some danger was around the corner but there was nothing. 'Not here. Not with me. But...' His thoughts trailed off as dark brown eyes widened as fear laid its cold hand upon him. Thinking about it now that pull in his mind always meant a connection with the woman who danced in his mind. And if that danger was not with him, then it must be with her.
Making sure he was alone in his office Kylo Ren paced as he tried to reach out with the Force. Demanding that the Force connect them as it had done so many times before. Thankfully he didn't have to try long before the Force connected them, but it felt hazy like a dream almost. It seemed weaker than before, he wondered why that might be but soon enough his focus was on Rey as she came into view. He spotted her soon enough, screaming out her rage taking down a stormtrooper with great prejudice before running off to attack another. Tethered to her as he was Kylo Ren followed her movements. But as he tried to reach out to her to get her attention he found that his hand passed through her, he could not touch her. That aggravated him but when the red glare of a blaster shot made contact with her back he felt fear. Watching her stumble forward before ducking into cover and returning fire. That bolt had shot straight through him, and Kylo Ren came to the realization that he couldn't protect her - that he was powerless. Once again.
Watching Rey take each hit and keep going, while he did nothing but observe was beyond frustrating to him. Thankfully Rey had adrenaline pumping through her, but Kylo Ren didn't and he could feel the sting on her back like a distant memory through the Force. Worse, he could see the wound on her back; the dark red easily staining her clothing. It angered him, that red spot growing and growing. His voice was hoarse with shouts of warning that went unheard by the female warrior. He could do nothing, only watch and it terrified him.
In his fear he longed to use any power to halt this, he was the Supreme Leader. He should be able to stop any conflict; he should have complete control over the First Order. But it was clear that he had no such control. The stormtroopers were ill-prepared, and thus he estimated this was not an ordered attack - no this was an attack of opportunity. Some captain found the Resistance base somehow and decided to attack without notifying high command. 'Scum, just trying to climb the ladder.' He snarled in his mind as he watched. If he couldn't do anything to stop this conflict then he vowed to decimate the squad that started the attack. Revenge was an old friend and one he would willingly lean on at this moment. Keeping his focus on the fight he tried to get any information on the group, but the only information he found was that Rey was beating them back.
Kylo Ren paced as he suffered this torture, he could see Rey was getting tired. She jumped from cover to cover while summoning a blaster from a stormtrooper's hand and dispatching him. Black-clad hands clenched while his entire body hummed with rage demanding to be released onto something. He wondered how long she could survive in this fight, as unwelcome images of her falling in this fight entered his mind. Fear's cold hands seemed to circle him, holding him in its grasp while he kept his eyes trained on that same red spot as it darkened. More wounds joined it one at; her arm, her leg, and her hands bloody from foolishly punching armor. The copper smell stung the air, while dust and grime whirled around her. He could hear her screams of rage, but also her cries of agony as she fought through the pain. What he wanted to hear was her voice, even to feel the pressing of her mind invading his own would be welcome now.
She was losing - He knew it as fear inched across her fact, laying its cold hand on her as well. Again those unwelcome images of a cold and silent Rey came to his mind and again he pushed them aside. Her staff flipping wildly to defend her from some attack he could not see. But he could see the blow as some blunt object made an audible crack as it connected with her skull knocking Rey to the ground.
Disarmed and injured she started to scramble back; her breathing escalated as fear circled her with its cold hands. Kylo Ren felt those cold hands grip his own throat, "GET UP!" He roared even though he knew she could not hear him. But he had to try, she had to win, she had to live! Pitching herself she dodged the attack and then the fear fled from her eyes. He'd seen those eyes before in the forest that determined and passionate gaze had meant his doom before. Thrusting out a hand she seemed to dispatch the attacker as she turned her attention elsewhere.
Kylo Ren could feel the pull on the Force as she used it to her advantage. 'She's doing something big' He realized as he watched her. And while she held no fear in this the dark ruler knew just how dangerous this was. How many times had he almost killed himself bending the Force to his will or begging it to do as he asked, too many to count. But she wasn't doing this as a training she was using this as an act of desperation, of survival. "Stop being an idiot! Run!" He yelled at her eyes wide as he watched her.
Something must have happened as Rey finally released the Force and a small smile took on her features. "We win." She whispered, and he thought she was saying this to herself but then her eyes focused on his.
Finally being seen caused Kylo Ren to freeze as he watched her while she stood there savoring her victory. "Rey..." he began but trailed off, making sure she could actually see and hear him. When her focus stayed on his eyes he pressed on "You need a medic now!." His voice harsh and loud in their space.
The young woman nodded and looked back to someone raising a hand. "They're coming" her voice soft as she panted from the exertion and turned her gaze back to his own dark gaze. "I beat them back." Again her voice soft, and clearly straining under the pain she was feeling but still, she smiled. Clearly proud of her accomplishment.
The young man could only nod, as he clenched his jaw closed. It all seemed to be over, she was getting medics and yet...fear didn't relinquish its grip on him. A red bolt shot through the air and found it's target - Rey's torso. Already unsteady on her feet she was knocked back to the ground sprawled on the floor. Her eyes wide as she fired back before taking in a few shaky breaths. Kylo Ren watched mouth agape as he tried, and failed to check her wound "No..No...You can't...No." He spoke in a clipped and broken voice. Her eyes closed and then she was gone.
Staring at the black steel floor Kylo Ren kneeled there shaking while his mind raced. All he could hear were the whispers, 'You couldn't save her.' 'Weak Ben...too Weak.' the whispers laced his mind and pushed a wordless roar from his throat. Finally, he unleashed his fury, destroying anything he could find.
'She can't be dead! She's not dead!' His thoughts demanded but he had no way to find out if this was true or not. He knew it would be easier if she had died, maybe then the Light would stop pulling at his soul. But...he didn't want her to be dead. He stood there panting from his fear and the exertion of his rage with nothing to show for it.
He knew the Dark would give him no answers, not now. But he needed to know, he needed to make sure that his thoughts were right. With determination, he folded himself into the meditation pose his Uncle had taught him long ago. He recalled those old teachings and pushing his fear aside, pushing away his rage he forced himself to connect with the Force and it's Light. It felt unstable, familiar and deadly all at the same time. But at least here he might find answers. Fear and anger tore at him demanding his attention, as his mind brought back the image of her eyes closing with blood on her temple and across her brow. Again he pushed them back, trying and failing to detach himself. Each time he felt his fear and anger pull at him he lost his connection to the Light. 'I just need to know!' He screamed at himself as he pushed himself more than he ever had when under Luke's tutelage. There sat the most powerful man in the First Order, the Supreme Leader, trying and failing to get a simple answer which held so much weight.