Chapter 3 - Chariots of Coal

Haymitch

This is mortifying. I'm going to die, I know that, I've known that since the reaping, but I don't see why I have to dress up in a coal miners outfit and pretend to be enjoying this. I would like to die without embarrassing myself in front of the entire nation.

Well, I wouldn't like to die. That's the main thing.

I look up at one of the horses that pulls the chariots. It's grayish-black, looks like coal.

"Hello, Haymitch." Maylisee says, she looks absolutely fine in a coal miners outfit. I guess it's only me that looks like I'm drowning in fabric. "Are you getting on the chariot or what?"

"I would like to delay the moment when the world sees me in this ridiculous outfit."

"You're embarrassment will be over soon"

Then she looks at her feet. We both know she's taken it too far, no one wants to be reminded that they're going to die.

"Sorry" she says. "But I still hate you."

I shrug and jump onto the chariot, Ashley and William are already on there, holding hands. Ashley's been crying into William's outfit, it's got a wet patch on it.

The anthem plays, and the chariots start moving, Maylisee, William and Ashley wave to the crowd but I stare forward. I'm not waving to people who want to see me die. If I wave to people I want to wave to people, people with empathy. People who don't enjoy watching children die. People who cry when the people from their districts die. People who hand out blankets to starving, empty children who lost their father and their mind. People who wait for mothers and fathers to come out of the mines, people who comfort the families who've lost someone forever.

People who don't dress kids up and make them kill each other. That's who I'll wave to.

Hemlock

I look at the screen in the square, watching for Haymitch. I hope that he isn't dressed like a coal miner. He's hated the look of them since dad died. Since he locked himself in his room, telling me to go away.

I always hoped Archer had fixed that, but I knew he didn't. It isn't really something you fix.

Archer stands next to me and squeezes my hand. "He's fine Hem, he's gotten better, he won't freak."

"I'm not worried about what he does, I'm worried about what he thinks."

"He's gotten better." he repeats. "We have some food at home, traded plants at the hob, do you want to watch it there."

I shake my head. "There are more people here, even more people who want him to come home. You can stay if you want."

He smiles sadly at me. "I'm going to go home and get some food and we can watch it together, here." He walks away and I sit down on one the floor. Looking up at the screen. At the District 12 tributes. At my brother who looks, embarrassed. Thank god. He's not crying or hyperventilating, he's embarrassed. Putting up the mask for the whole of Panem, like he did for District 12. Walking around, looking cocky, pretending that he doesn't care. He's put up that mask for so long that I think he forgot what it's like to be vulnerable. Or allowed to be hurt.

"I'm back, now with food!" Archer says, passing me a bowl of what I think is stew. "It's meat."

I look at the stew. "What kind?"

"Don't be picky, I might a right load of noise in the summer. Once it's Autumn you can be picky about what you eat."

I look away from him. Autumn. Haymitch loves Autumn, he's never going to see an Autumn again. I look back at the screen, the camera pans towards each of the chariots, I have to admit the District 1 chariot looks the best. Then they ride into the training center.

The training center is just a fancy name for 'let's train literal kids to kill each other.'

We were one of the 4 families who locked our doors and closed our blinds. I don't want to be one of the families explaining how to get over it. I want to be in the family who's kid came back. So come back Haymitch, so I can hug you and tell you you're the best brother ever.