Changes 3.5

Jessica sat across from me in her armchair, stifling a laugh at my actions.

I was showing off my brand-new staff.

I had finally been given a section staff as a utility weapon, after two weeks of design and tinkering by Kid Win and Armsmaster. It had five sections, and each section had a function.

One was a small but powerful antigrav unit, and one a foldout set of wings with popout handles. They hoped I could fly with the wings, and carry passengers when I turned on the antigrav. It had worked, incredibly well at that. I could generate lift simply by the action of grabbing the handles, and get up to fairly decent speeds, even without the antigrav. With it, I was able to pick up Assault and have him ride on my back, and still be able to fly at similar speeds with no major exertion.

Another section was an electrical weapon. When activated, it would deliver a pretty hefty shock, perfect for both normal people and minor Brutes. It had a higher setting for stronger Brutes, but that made it visibly arc, taking away the element of surprise.

There was a section that contained both the battery and controls, which worked by disengaging a lock, then turning several sections of the piece to turn on and off or otherwise control the other sections.

And finally, there was my favorite section; the sky-writing section.

Apparently, Armsmaster had been studying the 'hard light' Purity and Dauntless made, and the fight the other day had allowed him to gather more data from a sensor he had on Dauntless. He'd had a breakthrough, and spent all night creating a persistent hard light generator, then miniaturizing the design.

He scrapped the old forcefield generator he had planned to put in my staff and his halberd, and replaced it with a freeform HL projector. The result: a forcefield generator with multiple settings, lower power costs, and the added feature of not needing the projector active after it was made, instead fading with time.

I called it the sky-writing section, because that was my favorite use of it. I could write glowing words in midair, or turn it on as I flew to draw pictures. I could dial up or down the hardness, change colors, even change its diameter. I basically had a giant glowy paintbrush tool to use as needed. Sure, it had more features, like flat shields, half-sphere or full-sphere modes, and even a really cool HL blade and HL prybar, but it was the persistent writing I liked the most.

Jessica was amused at my minor obsession with it, and supportive, happy that I was happy. After a while, though, I had to come back down to Earth, because I had problems I needed to talk about.

I began with the small bullying events at school last week, just to let someone know about them. It was good to talk out my minor problems, put off the big stuff a bit longer. After that, I told her about my patrol, the frustration I felt after the villains got away without us even seeing them. Jessica interjected with helpful advice throughout, and I did my best to take it to heart.

I told her about Miss Militia's idea to do a night patrol with me, and the fiasco that ensued.

The fear of a murderous teleporter hunting me, stabbing me, actively trying to kill me.

His dead, cold eyes as he reached through my flames, skin burning, knife glinting in the light.

The recklessness I had shown against an even more dangerous foe just minutes later.

The image of that fiery claw reaching for me, how easily it could have gone wrong.

My frustration at the chewing out that had been my first meeting with my actual boss.

My chafing under the punishment, and sincere apology to the other heroes, especially Miss Militia.

Finally, my biggest problem was the last to be aired.

'I decided to start exploring my worlds again.'

"Really? I'm glad to hear you're accepting this aspect of your powers. I was actually planning to ask about it later in the session." Jessica smiled, just a bit of sad understanding in the expression. "It's still hard for you, isn't it?"

I nodded. She was probably the only person who really understood why I didn't like that aspect of my powers, especially once I showed them the projected form of my worlds. It wasn't the beauty, it was me.

'I still get the urge to stay.' 'Every time I enter or leave one.' 'Every time I use one, or think of one.' I felt the pull whenever I let my thoughts drift to the jewels, always just out of sight, and it was like a beckoning finger, trying to lead me away from everything I cared about. 'It's so hard to resist, sometimes.'

"It's okay, Michael. You've always wanted things to be different. You have to acknowledge the fact that you do indeed want to be in your worlds, and stop putting yourself down for feeling that way. These powers are a part of you, and you have to make peace with them, or you'll live your whole life unhappy and depressed."

'So I should spend days inside?'

"Not necessarily. You have to find a balance, especially with things that cut you off from others completely. Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you can do it all the time, as I'm sure you're aware." A pause. "Why not share time with your brothers? Turn your bedrooms into magical forests, go exploring, and if you have problems, just stop? You'd have to let your mother know beforehand, but it would help you have a safe place to de-stress, and also help you learn about your powers."

That… was an excellent idea. I'd be able to have fun with my family, and I could work with shaping and stuff. I would need to check them first- I was pretty sure the valley-cliffs had been full of poisonous plants- but Jordan would love it, and I bet David would too. My mom wasn't exactly an outdoorsy person, but I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

'Thank you.'

"Of course, Michael. Remember, I'm always on call. If you need to talk about something, just text me, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. You don't have to wait for our sessions if something is really eating at you, okay?"

I hugged her, then. She was just too nice.

-Shangri-La-

I'd revised my training schedule. Now that I didn't have school, it was more reasonable for me to spend most afternoons with my family, then make my way to the Rig in costume. Luckily, the Rig was closer to my house than the PRT building, once you stopped counting the water.

Tonight, I wanted to try something a little different. Yesterday, Jessica had made a suggestion, and as much as I loved my brothers, I had someone who deserved a vacation even more.

Hannah and I were in a smaller training room, one unsuited to Bo practice, but perfect for my purpose tonight. I wanted to show off my worlds to Hannah, get more used to exploring with others.

"Okay, but don't remove the door. We don't know what would happen if someone opened it, but from my experience it'd probably be disorienting for everyone involved." I nodded, typed 'Ok, don't move,' then reached for the crystal world and pushed softly.

The jewels swung into view, the crystal world centered just below my gaze, both visible and completely transparent. The changes began with my chair, turning it to crystal, then a change seeped across it, turning the floor padding to sand, then growing blades of emerald, except around our chairs and feet. I replaced her chair, then bid my power to project onto the walls rather than replace them. All other furniture fell away, and moments later, we were sitting in a field on chairs of quartz, music filling the air around us, with a door standing nearby to show us the exit.

As I was doing all of this, Hannah had just been enjoying the view. I looked to her, and she had her eyes closed, smiling, listening to the breeze and its music. After a few moments, she turned back to me. "You know, this is only my second time seeing one of your… dream worlds. I didn't really understand, last time, why you termed them that. I think I do, now." Right, last time I had done this with her, it had been the inside of a space-warped maze. I typed.

'I wanted to show this one off first.' It was insanely beautiful. 'I wouldn't recommend getting off our chairs, though.' Sharp grass. 'Let me find another.' I decided to show her the mesa world. We couldn't move around much yet, only an area about 40 feet across, but it should be enough.

I picked it from the ring, pushing it into the place of the crystal gem. The world blurred, features smoothly sinking and growing, the sky shifting. Then we were atop one of the mesas, a view of the sea in the distance, monoliths surrounding us. The sky was still brilliant banded gold, the bluestone monoliths coated in the sparkling lichens and etchings being cast in a bright sepia by the light. Our chairs shifted to bluestone as well, with seats of cottony purple plant fiber.

"I just… it's like I'm dreaming." She collapsed into her seat, overwhelmed. I sat down next to her. "Michael, I haven't dreamt in so long. Even when I do, it's always that day, those things. This…" she swept her arm out, encompassing the view, "…this is wonderful." We sat there awhile, just enjoying the majesty of this nature. If she cried, I paid it no mind.

I was such an idiot. I was looking at these worlds, these infinite possibilities, and all I saw was a way to escape my problems. They could do so much more. Here I was, helping someone be happy just by showing them a glimpse of their beauty. I was blinded by my own hang-ups, when I could be helping people like Hannah, like my mother, just by sharing this with them.

Once she had recovered, I decided to try something more. Maybe it was selfish, but the more I thought on it, the more I realized I needed to know. I waited a few more minutes in silence, letting her enjoy the view; eventually, I pulled out my phone, and she turned to me as I typed.

'I've never used my powers to their fullest.'

She looked to me, puzzled and slightly worried. "What do you mean?"

I typed. 'I was scared, that I might not come back.' 'Would stay in my power.'

She looked more worried, now, but I had to press on. 'I think I will, now. I want to try.'

"Try what? Michael, please, just slow down. What are you going to try?"

'I want to try another aspect of this power,' 'I might be unresponsive for a bit.'

I looked her in the eyes as I hit the speak button. 'But I need to know what I can do, to help people.'

She looked like she was going to object, but changed her mind, then slowly nodded.

I silently thanked her, and Jessica, for being so understanding.

I let my resistance disappear, let the jewel before me pull me in.

And I knew the face of God.