Hope you all had a good Halloween! Have a good Thanksgiving (or whatever your fall holiday might be.) As usual, RM shares writing credit. All terrible jokes are pulled from various places on the internet. See you all next month. Enjoy!
Boggart Lesson
September 2nd, 3rd & 6th, 1993
Fifth Year
When Jo and Leilani walked into their first class with Professor R. J. Lupin, they walked into a normal classroom, save for the lack of Professor. The other students were milling around, talking amongst themselves, wondering where Lupin was. Only Leili and Jo even bothered to look up. Had everyone else, they would have seen the Professor chewing on a piece of chocolate in the doorway of his upstairs office.
With a grin Jo and Leili waved cheerfully at him. They saw his answering grin and 'well fancy that, I've been spotted' laugh. The girls took their seats in the middle of the room when Lupin finished his chocolate and called attention to himself.
"Good, you're all here. Gather 'round please. Thank you. Now I know you're all 5th years, but I also know that your classes on the subject of defense against the dark arts have been, shall we say, a little thin? So for the first week we are going to recap everything you are supposed to know by now." The first day was boring as they went over how to treat werewolf bites alongside an assortment of counter-spells and curse of the bogies.
The second day was a little better with vampire bats and… iguanas, of all creatures. On the third day Lupin brought them to a closet. It was an ordinary looking closet. They organized into a single file line and he gave them their instructions, "Now when you see whatever comes out of that wardrobe, I want you to very, very clearly say 'Riddikulus' repeat that for me, no wands just yet."
"Riddikulus" the class chanted back.
"Now before we get started there's something you should know, 'Ridikulus' works on all shapeshifters except for Animagi, werewolves and, as far as I know, metamorphmagi. It forces them back into their original shape or a shape of your choosing. If you do not think of something amusing for a boggart to become, nothing will happen, it will remain in the shape of your worst fear. That being said, let's get started!"
A Ravenclaw student, Robert Hilliard, was up first. The wardrobe opened and out sailed the Bloody Baron, looking perhaps a touch more terrifying then normal. After a second of hesitation his wand went up and one Riddikulus later the Boggart Baron was wearing a dress. And not just any dress, no, an 18th century dress, complete with wig, corset, and hips so big that when he tried to sail back into the wardrobe he couldn't get through. He literally bounced back into the room, sending everyone into a fit of laughter.
The next kid stepped up, another Ravenclaw, and this time the boggart solidified into a black box around the kid, at first they could hear panicked whimpers before the kid shouted "Riddikulus!" and the box expanded and popped like a great black balloon, before raining flowers on everyone, "Flowers for everyone!" one kid called and everybody laughed.
Leili stepped up and the boggart became a rose strewn coffin with Jo's name engraved into the side. Leili hesitated before forcing herself to remember that this wasn't real, that it was a boggart. She raised her wand, "Riddikulus!" and the hinges of the coffin creaked as the lid lifted and Jo sat up in it coughing.
Boggart Jo looked at Leili and asked, "Hast thou any coffin drops?" Leili snickered quietly with a grimace, it was a truly terrible joke, and the real Jo burst out guffawing. She wound up bent over with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.
Boggart Jo didn't stop with one joke, no she kept going, Leili had her boggart recite every bad joke she could think of. Jokes like: "Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dogs!" and "Why do Bagpipers walk while they play? To get away from the noise!" and "What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!" and "What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!"
Not every joke garnered a response but they were all so terrible that those who did react, reacted with laughter and as usual, that laughter was contagious. Soon everyone was laughing and the boggart was defeated. Jo straightened and wiped her eyes saying, "Aaah, I crack myself up!"
Jo was up next and the boggart changed again, this time it became a dozen bodies strewn across the floor.
She stopped laughing.
Among the bodies of the Hufflepuff first years lay the three bodies of Hogwarts' most trouble prone students, Harry, Ron and Hermione; Their deaths, her failure.
Where others would have broken down in tears, Jo got mad. "Riddikulus!" she yelled, and the boggart became the bodies of death eaters that had killed those she'd striven to protect. Jo was darkly amused; she gave the boggart an evil grin and a cackle. Nobody laughed. Everyone who knew her was utterly terrified of this dark amusement in an otherwise cheerful girl.
Leili, who had been waiting a little ways down the line, gave an exasperated sigh and muttered her usual, "What am I going to do with her?"
Lupin looked at Jo, and then at her boggart. He gave it a nod and gently pushed Jo towards Leilani giving the next student a chance at the boggart.
"You're supposed to make it funny, not disturbing," Leili whispered as they walked to the back of the line.
"It was funny, to me at least."
"You freaked them out!"
"Dead death eaters. Dead, Death… how am I the only one that finds the humor in that?"
"Oh, Jo!" Leili groaned.