Chapter 12: I Don't Know Why (Stevie Wonder)
I sat in the passenger seat of our SUV and stared out at the sea of yellow cabs blocking our way home. The folder holding our signed divorce papers burned in my lap and I kept my hands folded tightly on top of it to keep from tearing the papers to shreds.
Britt was humming along to the radio, seeming just as content but I was lost in my thoughts.
"Baby?" She called and that stung. "Ana?"
I turned towards her and saw the questioning look on her face. Had she asked me something?
"Did you say something?" I croaked back.
"I asked you if you were feeling okay?"
"Oh. Yeah, I'm just really tired." I sighed.
"Are you going to stay the night at the house so that you don't have to travel back to the city at 6am?"
"Right, your audition, I forgot."
"You're still coming right?"
"Yes, with Ari."
"Okay, good. We can pick her up and then just go straight to the theatre then."
"B?"
"Hmm?"
"There's something bothering me about what you said earlier, about making sure Isaac is always your son."
"Oh...that. Yeah, what about it?"
"Do you really want to file for full custody?"
"It was a suggestion from my lawyer, I like 50/50 but I worry sometimes that...you might slip beyond help."
I sucked my lips into my mouth and turned away from her.
These motherfucking hormones were making me seem weak and I HATED them. Fuck.
A fucking river was pouring from my eyes and all I could think was about what Ian's journal said about her telling him she'd thought I'd die. She hadn't been counting on him dying before me, that's for sure.
"I'm trying, Britt."
"You just admitted to me that you were going to kill yourself, how do you think that makes me feel?"
I let out a deep sigh and nodded.
Not having a single fucking response for her and I didn't even feel like I needed to.
She wasn't my problem anymore.
When we got to the house, I climbed out of the car, walked through the gate out onto the sidewalk and went straight to the church. The meeting didn't start for another thirty minutes but I needed more time on my knees.
Wanky...I know.
I smiled to myself and then dipped my fingers in the holy water before crossing myself. Like a good Catholic girl, I knelt at the center pew and then pushed down the bench and knelt.
Out came Ian's rosary once more and then my head was bent, eyes closed as I prayed.
I prayed for my sobriety.
I prayed for my son.
I prayed for my unborn child.
I prayed for Ian's sister and for my own.
Then I started praying for absolution for not getting my first marriage annulled before entering a second.
I knew better, in the eyes of God without that annulment, my first divorce wasn't real and if there was one person who knew the Catholic church better than anyone I knew, it was Marco.
He was overstepping because in his eyes, regardless of what I believed to be true, I was still his wife.
In the eyes of God, I was still his wife and with that kind of thing hanging over us, it's no wonder my marriage to Britt was dead in the water. He wanted me to get a divorce because he knows that now, he can squeeze back in.
How stupid had I been?
I felt anger filling me as I knelt there, what used to give me peace was just making me think about how I felt played, even if I wasn't.
"How long have you been here?" I heard Q ask as the bench I knelt on dipped a little. "I knew you'd be here, they can say what they want but I still know you best."
"Go away." I growled.
"Whoa, San, what's up?"
I looked up at the giant crucifix in the front.
"My marriage to Marco was never annulled. He was letting me play house."
She looked at me with a scrunched-up brow...because of course she was a fucking Protestant. She wouldn't understand.
"What?"
"Forget it. Is it time?"
"Um yeah, Carmen is outside. She has been calling you and then came to the house for you. The meeting started already."
"Oh." I didn't say anything else as I stood and left the pew on the opposite end and began to walk back towards the back of the church. Quinn's footsteps fell in with mine only a minute later, but she knew me better than to push...not when I was like this. I opened the church doors and whistled at Carmen. She looked up from her phone and squinted her eyes at me.
I didn't say anything as we walked down to the downstairs entrance, like an odd-looking trinity.
The meeting was underway, but they were so used to people randomly showing because addicts aren't so punctual. We slid into the back seats and then, I watched as Carmen stood up and walked to the front. I'd heard her story before but there was a new look in her eyes. Quinn slipped her hand into mine, but it felt like nothing.
I was getting numb.
I was feeling cold.
The opposite of how I should be but sometimes my walls go up automatically and it's a bitch to get them down again.
The hurt was too much to take.
I zoned out as Carmen talked about her next steps and how nervous she was about becoming a mom so soon after becoming sober.
And that I understood better than anyone.
She'd already done better than me by staying sober while pregnant.
No matter what Nico says about me not being a burden, I knew that I was one.
I'd almost brought her down with me and I would never have forgiven myself if I had.
When you grow up as a closeted lesbian in a town full of losers you learn how to be a good actress and I am a fantastic one...except in front of Brittany and Quinn.
Thankfully, Quinn headed straight to Brooklyn and Carmen seemed too tired to really push me on my aloofness. Despite not really paying attention during the meeting, I was feeling a little less angry but no less sad. All I wanted at that point was to just go home and cuddle with Isaac. It was nearly impossible to be sad when my son was in my arms, awake or sleeping he was my purpose and my reason.
Only, when I got to the house it was completely dark. I tried to tell myself that they were just in Isaac's room which face the back of the house and that's why I couldn't see the lights but as I walked through the dark house, feeling my heart sink even more, Britt wasn't there but that meant neither was Isaac.
Then I remembered that apparently Carmen had called me earlier and I hadn't answered, which meant that my phone was still on silent. So, I pulled it from my pocket and saw that I had missed a call from B and a few messages too.
Where r u?-Britt
Pls b ok-Britt
Ana?-Britt
Q found u!-Britt
Going to apt w/ Izzy-Britt
U ok?-Britt
Ana?-Britt
Pls txt me-Britt
Even now, she was reaching out and trying to ease my worries. I sat in the glider in the empty nursery and smiled down at my phone as the tears came. No matter what Marco had intended, Britt still loved me.
No matter how many breaks she asked for, I was her home.
I'm home, are you coming back?-Ana
In cab-Britt
Good-Ana
U ok?-Britt
I will be when I get to kiss those cheeks!-Ana
Mine or his?-Britt
I didn't know how to answer that.
Was it still okay to?
Knowing Britt was on her way made me feel a spark of hope. The darkness was still lingering, and I was insanely happy that I was being left alone for just a little while.
"Hello?" Sandra sang into the phone.
"Hey sista."
"Hey there, where are you?"
"At home. I'm staying here tonight."
"Didn't you sign the papers today?"
"I did."
"Are you going to sleep with her?"
"Not that it's any of your business but I still haven't been cleared to have sex and I'm not really feeling like being touched by anyone but my son now."
"Will you be okay alone with her?"
"Yes."
"I called Sal, he told me she got her own lawyer."
"Yup."
"And you're okay with that?"
"I am."
"It sounds quiet over there."
"That's because I'm here alone."
"And you're okay...promise me?"
I pulled out my rice pot that Abuela had given me and started pulling out ingredients to make rice and beans.
"I promise you that I'm okay. I about to cook dinner actually."
"I thought you two went out to eat?"
"We did, it was seafood and that isn't going to help me gain 15 pounds."
"Can you text me when you're headed to bed, it would make me feel better?"
"Sure, sis. This is me trying to create accountability. I could have just been here alone, being idle but I needed you to know..."
"Well thank you."
"Thank you. Okay, I'm going to start cooking because if I don't eat exactly when I'm hungry, I get nauseous."
"Go cook then, I love you."
"I love you too."
The kitchen was hot even with the air on, so I had stripped down to my bra and some booty shorts while I fried chicken. The music was bumping as I danced around the kitchen, trying to keep myself moving since the cravings were setting in.
I could feel the tremors deep in my bones because my mind knew that I was alone and that drugs were too easy to get. I was singing into my rice spoon when the kitchen door swung open.
Britt looked at me with a blush in her cheeks and a smile on her face.
"Hey, baby."
"Hey yourself, give me my baby." I said reaching for Isaac who was in the carrier strapped to her chest. "Hi Papa!" I said, and he smiled at me, but his eyes looked heavy.
"Did he not nap today?"
"Q said he didn't and it's past his bedtime so he's probably ready to go down for the night."
"Well the food is done, go ahead and serve yourself while I get my little Papa washed up and in his bed."
"You're not supposed to be carrying him, I'll come and help you."
I glared at her, but she wasn't relenting, and I wished right then that I could withhold sex or something, but we were in such a weird place that it might not even matter.
"Fine. Come on then." After making sure that the stove was off, and the lid was on the pot, I walked around her and headed up the steps. She started singing a Kesha song to Isaac and I rolled my eyes. My darkness and irritations were still lingering but I tried to act normal.
"So, we should talk about Isaac." She said as she stripped him out of his clothes while I began to fill up his little tub.
"What about him?"
"Where's he going to live?"
I chuckled to myself as I tested the water and then stepped back so she could slip him in the tub. Once my little guy was soaking, I started to lather up his washcloth while trying to figure out the nicest way to say this but then I said fuck nice.
"Here, this is his home."
"Yeah but I won't be living here, and you said 50/50."
"Right, so you should know that this is his house. He owns it, that's how I set it up. Which means he shouldn't have to go anywhere. We need to split up the week, you stay here on your days and I'll stay here on mine, we can all be together on Saturday or something."
"Wait, so I have to come back here?"
I turned to look at her after placing my hand on Isaac's stomach just in case he got any ideas about rolling in this tub.
"Yes. It's perfect B, that way you can do whatever at your place and he doesn't have to go back and forth. His lungs are sensitive, this is a known environment and his godmother is right upstairs if either of us need her. So, you get three days, I get three days and we have a family day."
"Fine. What days do you want?"
I smiled to myself as I went back to smiling at Isaac and washing him.
"I'll take Sunday, Monday and Tuesday."
"You've already thought about this?"
"Of course, I have. Sandra has family dinner on Sundays, it only makes sense that I have him. We can be here all day and then go up for Sunday dinner, then I'll come back here until Tuesday."
"So, I get Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?"
"Yup."
"And we can do something, as a family together on Saturdays, we want him to feel like we are a family still."
"What if I need to switch?"
"Then we can talk about it. I want to make sure you have as much time with him as you want, so if you miss him when I'm here it's fine to come by."
"Same to you."
"Then it's settled, Isaac gets to stay home, and we will come to him."
I rocked a sleeping Isaac in my arms as Britt straightened up his room. She had been quiet ever since we came to an agreement, but I could tell that she still had questions and felt too dumb to ask them.
"What is it, B?"
"So, do we start now? It's Friday, which means it's my day...right?"
The ache!
"Do you want me to leave, B?"
She looked at me in shock and shook her head. "No, I just wanted to know when we start, I guess."
"Well, you have your audition tomorrow and Q already agreed to watch him during that time. After we can do something as a family, go shopping or to the zoo...maybe you can take me to see your place, even?"
"Yeah?"
"Sure, and I guess, I will stay here until we switch on Wednesday morning."
"Will we both stay here on Saturday night?"
"I probably will just because it's easier, but you don't have to if you don't want to."
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I don't know B, if you want to go out on Saturday night or you have a date I guess, since Friday night you would be here."
She understood now, I could see the light in her eyes and I gave her a smile, I wanted it to not be sad but there was no way to hide that.
"If you still want me...because you know, needs...we still can." She was blushing as if she hadn't fucked me in every way possible over the years.
"Are you hitting on me, B?"
"Maybe, I know you're sad and feeling way too much...tonight we could just...be together."
"That won't be too confusing?" I asked her.
"No. You explained everything good, just like always. I get it."
"Well, I can't really have sex, B...not yet but I'd love to just cuddle with you...naked."
She was grinning now. I watched as she danced over to me and picked up Isaac in her arms, slowly two-stepping in a circle before lying him in his crib. He was down for the count and I was grateful for it.
Once he was settled, Britt reached for my hand and I gave it willingly.
Where was this version of her when I needed her?
Why had it taken divorce and custody arrangements for her to be kind to me again?
Is it because I had set her free?
Had I made her this way?
We made ourselves plates and left one in the microwave for Q before putting the food away. Britt and I moved like a well-oiled machine. It was like once the divorce became official, she was more like my wife again.
It made me feel so confused but I just tried to roll with it.
Britt carried our plates upstairs while I carried our drinks.
We settled in bed and ate while she told me about the apartment and how Nico was letting her stay for free until she started working.
She smiled when she told me her bedroom smelled like waffles.
"Ari wants to go back to the diner for waffles, so we can head upstairs after."
"Awesome, we can so do that." She said as we finished up.
She looked as tired as I felt as she took our plates out of the room.
Headed to bed. I love you, sista!-Ana
I love you, sleep well!-Sandra
I smiled down at my phone, glad I remembered to message my sister. The feelings swirling inside me were so conflicting and intense, but I was still rolling with it.
We'd be okay, I had to believe that.
Trust.
I dusted off the bed and then headed into the bathroom to get started on my nighttime routine.
"Want to take a bath with me?" She asked, and I nodded as I put up my hair. My face looked tired but fat as I gazed at my reflection. Despite not wanting to, I'd been eating whenever I can, and it was starting to show. My cheeks get so round and doughy, it's gross but Britt loved me like this.
She always had.
I always catch her staring at the extra roundness of my ass or the expanding of my chest.
As I stripped down, I could feel her eyes on me again.
"No penetration, B." I reminded her.
"There are other ways." She winked, and I groaned because she was right, a girl gots needs.
By the time I had brushed my teeth and taken off my jewelry, Britt was already settled in the tub, her eyes not leaving my body for even a second.
I sank into the heat of the tub and groaned as I settled in between her legs.
Her head rested on my shoulder as her hands cupped my little belly.
"You're beautiful and one day, I'm going to marry you again."
"Only when all the breaks are out of your system and I am finally through this rough patch."
"Will you want to marry me?"
"Always and only, you, B."
"Still?"
"Endlessly."
"We are going to rock this co-parent thing, right?"
"I hope so, B."
"And what about when this little cutie is here, will we do things differently?"
"I'll probably be here for good and you can come and go."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Anything, B."
"I'm hoping that by that time, I won't be going anywhere."
"Just coming?" I said with a snicker.
"Wanky." She mumbled.
I went to respond but then she was sliding her fingers between my thighs and slowly rubbing my clit.
"Fuck." I muttered when she nibbled on my earlobe.
"I'm trying." She mumbled and then sped up her fingers a little.
I threw my head back onto her shoulder and then her lips were on my neck as she rubbed me to orgasm, over and over until the water started to get cold.
The feeling of being in her arms, getting nothing but love from her felt bittersweet.
So even as I came, I still felt the heaviness on my shoulders because this felt like an ending, a last hurrah and it just made me want to cry.
Instead, we unplugged the tub, kicked on the heat of the shower and washed ourselves clean before stumbling into bed together.
There wasn't a shred of energy left in me to return the favor, but she seemed to not care about that. She just pulled me close, set an alarm so we'd have time to pick up Ari, and then we fell asleep...just like a married couple should.
Only we weren't married.
Not anymore.
Maybe not ever again.
Around midnight, Isaac woke up and Britt went to handle him. I grabbed for my phone and saw a text from Ari and realized that I had forgotten to let her know we'd be picking her up at the ass crack of dawn.
We still on for tomorrow?-Ari
You up?-Ana
Yes, still on?-Ari
So, change of plans...we are going to pick you up at 6am...okay?-Ana
Six? Holy crap! This better be good!-Ari
I think it will be better than good...you are so going to owe me after this.-Ana
Okay...I'm staying in Brittany Hall.55 east 10th.-Ari
Wow...how ironic!-Ana
Yea I thought so too-Ari
Ok, see you at six sharp! Nite.-Ana
I put my phone back down and curled up in the bed, my mind still on all the heaviness of the last few days.
My fingers itched to play the piano or maybe it was to cut up a line.
How many Friday nights had I done just that in this very city?
My mind started going places that I didn't want it to but then Britt was back in bed, putting her arm around and my mind cleared.
Was I going to be okay here without her three days a week?
"You're thinking too much, relax."
"How am I going to be alone here, B?"
She was quiet for a moment and then kissed my shoulder.
"First, I'm proud that you said that out loud to me. Being vulnerable has always looked good on you. Second, you could always just stay at your sister's on Sunday nights, Izzy has been there before and I'm sure Sandra would like that."
"That still leaves two nights, B."
"You have that mobile crib, just bring Izzy in here."
"Shit, B...I can't lift him still. How am I going to do things?"
"Maybe you stay at Sandra's until you can pick him up on your own?"
"You'd be okay with that?"
"Yeah, me and Sandra are okay. As long as I don't hurt you, she won't hurt me. That's the deal."
"Is it now?"
"Yup."
"Wow, on that note you have to be up in six hours and dance your ass off. So, let's sleep."
"You got it, baby." She whispered and then she snuggled deeper against my back.
"We'll be okay, Ana. No matter what."
We pulled up outside of Ari's dorm at exactly six and there she stood sipping from a mug. I spotted her immediately and couldn't help but notice just how breathtaking she continued to be after all these years. I rolled down my window and whistled to her. At first, she didn't respond but then after the second whistle her head popped up.
Ari had on a classic pair of jeans and a band shirt. She had spiked up her pixie cut up today and she looked absolutely adorable...which I'm sure she was not the look that she was going for.
"Hey Anita!" she said as she climbed into the back seat of the car.
I smiled back at her and then raised Britt's hand in the air.
"Brittany that is Ariana Soto...Ari this is my Britt Britt."
"Nice to finally meet you, Brittany."
"It's good to meet you too." Britt said, distractedly. She was a bundle of nerves and I knew that it was too early for her to be happy go lucky. I'd watched her take her pills and I knew they hadn't fully kicked in yet.
I saw Ari's face light up as she smiled at Brittany and then I caught her quick glance towards my left wrist, which I had stopped worrying about until now. Our eyes met, and I shook my head.
Her smile lost a little bit of its light but only I caught it because I know her.
She was not happy that Britt had put her hands on me, but she'd just have to get in line with that sentiment.
After pulling back out into traffic, we set out to some warehouse just off the Hudson River, it ended up being less than a mile from our house, I realized. If Britt got this, I was going to have to personally thank Frankie.
This was just too perfect.
"Can you believe that it's this close to the house?" I asked as I turned towards Britt and noticed that she couldn't help but smile.
"Um yea...that's why Frankie thought it was the perfect opportunity for me, for us."
"Remind me to call her and thank her!"
Britt flinched and then nodded.
I'm sure she was remembering the last time she saw me talking to Frankie, but she had nothing to worry about.
We pulled next to other cars in a gravel lot next to a building that looked nothing like a theater. When we stepped out of the car I could hear the seagulls and smell the water...that's how close we were.
Apparently, this would just be the practice place until the show was finished and had been run through a few times.
It was creepy, but I had to play it cool even if I noticed how abandoned this place felt and imagined that this could totally be a high crime area at the wrong time of day.
Apparently, I wasn't the only one because Ari looked a little spooked as well.
"Ana, you didn't pick me up to then kill me did you because I definitely am not going down without a fight." Ari joked as she lifted her fists and punched the air.
"Um...no but I do agree, this place looks creepy, B, are you sure we are at the right place?" I asked, as we walked towards a huge steel set of doors.
Ever the optimist, who might I add was finally back to being perky and silly as ever, B skipped forward excitedly like she was on the yellow brick road to Oz.
"Come on Ana Banana, I don't want to be late. You aren't scared, are you? I thought you two were from Lima Heights!" she teased as she walked ahead of us without a hint of fear.
Ari looked at me and then smirked. She grabbed my good hand and pulled me forward so that we could catch up with my bold ex-wife.
"She's right Ana, we don't want to look like punks! What would the kids from the block say?"
"That this is fucking insane."
"Yea well...they said the same about us, so we should be in our element."
I swallowed down my anxiety and followed them to the doorway and I'll admit it, I may be tough in Lima but sometimes New York scares me.
Britt was from Chicago, she'd grown up knowing how to conduct herself in places like this.
Apparently, I had some things to learn from her.
You know that saying about judging books by covers?
Definitely applies here because the inside of this place was pretty snazzy.
After we were inside, I could see that we had entered from the side apparently, which is why it looked so deserted and creepy.
The inside looked like an intimate little off-Broadway theatre and seemed pretty harmless and well lit.
Britt directed us to seats in the very back and then walked towards the stage where there were dancers warming up.
"So, what is this, Ana?" Ari yawned and stretched out her arms as she leaned back in her chair. She looked at me as she crossed her arms over her stomach and propped her feet up, looking at me with sleepy eyes, like she was prepared to go right back to sleep.
I smiled, leaned back and looked back at her, hazel eyes looked at me with sleepy delight and I rolled my eyes at her. She obviously had no intention on paying much attention to the people stretching on the stage.
"Britt is auditioning to be a choreographer on a Broadway show." I whispered to her and watched as she shot up in her seat, suddenly wide awake. She looked at me in shock and then gave a good look at the stage.
"No fucking way!" She whisper yelled as she looked around in awe.
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw that she had the hugest dumbest grin on her face.
"Yea. I figured you would like this kind of thing since from what I remember you always wanted to be a dancer...right? I think you said that once or twice, but you have no rhythm...so you must settle for being a boring college student. Right? So, I thought, why not let you enjoy watching real dancers dance." I said gesturing towards the stage.
"Oh, fuck you...I definitely have rhythm, otherwise I would not have gotten into NYU!"
"Yeah sure...okay!" I chuckled. We both knew that she was probably more talented than anyone on that stage. (including Britt) but she still scowled at me and crossed her arms over her chest in faux resentment. I smiled and looked forward before nudging her ribs. "You know I'm just fucking with you so just sit back and enjoy it and maybe she can hire you to be like a stagehand or something?"
"Oh...really? Not even an understudy? A stagehand? Fuck you sideways on a horse with herpes!" she shot back as she leaned forward with rapt attention towards the stage.
"You kiss your mom with that mouth, Ariana?"
"Yep and yours too!" she laughed when I made a gagging sound.
"That's just nasty!" I whispered as the lights dimmed in the back of theatre with only the stage illuminated.
We both quietly watched as the dancers lined up on the stage facing a panel in the middle of the theatre.
There were six dancers in all including Britt, who looked determined and focused. I loved seeing her like that.
The head choreographer gave instructions that we couldn't hear and then split the dancers into three groups of two and then turned on music. Ari kept chuckling to herself every time she saw something that apparently wasn't done right. I thought they all looked good but as a dancer, she noticed a lot more when they messed up.
As the dancers moved and gyrated on the stage the guy walked around and tapped people on their shoulders. Ari had her face twisted up and looked insanely nervous as he tapped B.
We both froze...was that good or bad? Ari and I sat waiting with bated breath as the music stopped.
"If I tapped you then stay! The rest if you don't quit your day jobs! Goodbye!" the man said curtly.
Three angry people collected their belongings and headed past us to the back door, one was in tears and the other two just looked angry.
"How did they even get an audition?" Ari muttered as she focused back on the dancers that were stretching on stage.
Again, they all looked great but what did I know?
After the final reject left the building almost immediately, a different type of music, hip hop, started up. B was the best I knew at that genre, it was where her talent lived. Ari was bouncing on the edge of her seat as the three-remaining people were popping and locking on the stage.
The guy tapped the one chick on the shoulder and then pointed to the back door. She tripped over herself as she grabbed her bag.
I smiled as I watched B continue without even noticing the commotion going on right next to her.
"Ari?"
"Hmm?" She was distracted as we watched a new genre of music be put on.
Britt flowed right into the music.
"Marco and I never got an annulment before I married B."
She looked at me and nodded.
"So, you're still his wife...does that mean, your marriage to her was nothing?"
"I don't know but...I just...Marco played me, I shouldn't have divorced her."
I felt butterflies in my stomach and sparks under my skin when Ari reached over, without taking her eyes from the stage. She traced her fingers over my bruise before taking my hand.
"I beg to differ."
"She didn't mean it."
"Doesn't matter."
"I love her."
"You loved Marco too."
"Not like this."
"Like I told you before, she needs to be worthy of you."
She held tight to my hand and while she wasn't even looking at me, her thumb still rubbed the back of my hand.
"You're right." I muttered.
"I know...now shhh...I think it's almost over." She looked so excited as we watched B battle it out with the other dancer. The music stopped and then changed to ballroom...they had to go from battling to dancing together. I was torn between watching Britt flow seamlessly into the less aggressive form of dance and being breathless from Ari's touch.
What was with me?
I forced myself to pay attention to them dance and had to admit that even though I was pulling for B to win, I was feeling torn because they were both so amazing.
After two more music genres one Latin and one middle eastern, the director clapped his hands together loudly and the music abruptly stopped.
This was it.
Ari clenched my hand tightly and my heart raced. I rested my free hand on my stomach and leaned onto the edge of my seat, holding Ari's hand on my lap as we watched.
"Amazing! Never in my years on the stage, have I been so torn between dancers...so here is what we are going to do. I want you both, Brittany you'll lead the women and Tony will lead the men! Congratulations! You will be called back in tomorrow at the same time...right here to go over the script and score. You're dismissed!" the guy clapped again and then walked off the stage leaving the two dancers alone.
In true Brittany fashion, she was bouncing up and down clapping her hands together.
Her and the other dancer, a muscular black guy with awesome locs, hugged and twirled a few times before getting down from the stage.
She'd done it.
I had never been so proud.
As Britt was walking towards us Ari quickly dropped my hand, remembering Britt's jealousy. I'm glad she remembered because I totally didn't realize how it would look, divorced or not, I didn't want Britt to feel threatened by me and Ari. From the way that Ari dropped my hand, I could tell that it was more about her feeling something than Brittany.
"I'm here for you always, Anita." She whispered before standing up and clapping for Britt as she came up the aisle.
I jumped up and rushed into B's arms, not caring about the sweat that dripped from her body, frankly, I'm used to being covered in it. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my lips so hard that I was dizzy.
Okay, so we needed boundaries still but maybe it was just her adrenaline.
She looked up at Ari who was staring at her looking star struck or maybe it was at me, because she had just told me that I deserved more.
Either way, she was good at playing it off.
"So, what did you think Ari?" B asked, as she was getting her breathing under control. I felt so proud of B that I couldn't stop staring at her. Fucking hormones, Ari's touch had ignited something in me and I had to get it out.
"Amazing Brittany. You are hot, I mean you are just so natural! I could watch you dance for hours! Can I have your autograph? I'm serious!" Ari said excitedly. Britt was beaming after that compliment.
See, nothing to worry about...Ari knew the game well.
"How about I take you home with me instead?" Britt winked, and I landed an elbow firmly in her side. I felt legitimately jealous and she really didn't have the history where flirting was okay in front of me, divorced or not. She laughed and started walking us to the door, ignoring my face. Ari looked at me when Britt's back was turned and winked at me. It made my heart race and I just kept my head down and followed Britt outside.
Between the two of them...God...I want both...now I know how Britt felt.
The difference is that I won't be fucking Ari...no matter how much I want to.