Chapter 13: Sweeter (Leon Bridges feat. Terrace Martin)
Santana, it's Sal, you haven't returned any of my voicemails. I really need to catch up with you so that we can discuss a few matters. I know that you have a lot on your plate but you're not paying me to leave you messages. Call me please.-Salvatore
As I climbed into the passenger seat, I had turned on my phone to my first text message ever from Sal and was immediately worried about what could be so urgent that he'd join the 21st century to contact me.
"You okay?" Britt said to me, her voice closer than I expected. When I turned my face, I nearly smacked right into hers.
"Um...yeah, diner?" I asked shooting a quick text to Sal.
I'll call you in a bit.-Santana
"Waffles?" Ari said as she stuck her head between the two front seats.
"Yeah." I said, distracted by what Sal could want.
Britt pulled out onto the road and I got lost in my phone since she couldn't focus on what I was writing when she had to pay attention to traffic. Thankfully, Ari had decided to hammer Britt with questions that distracted her even further.
Have you heard from Sal?-Ana
No, why?-Sandra
He texted me.-Ana
Sal knows how to text?-Sandra
Apparently. Not sure if I should be worried. I'm out with Britt and Ari, if you have a sec, can you check in with him?-Ana
Um, sure? Should I be worried?-Sandra
No idea.-Ana
Okay, I'm on it.-Sandra
Thank you, thank you!-Ana
Hey Q, she got the job act surprised. Headed to Nico's for waffles. I'll bring you some-Ana
And bacon?-Q
Of course! LOL-Ana
She sent me a picture of Isaac kicking at his tummy time piano.
Then she sent a video. I played it and laughed when he did.
God my son, is everything.
Normally I give Nico or Carmen the heads up I'm coming but today I didn't, and I wish like hell that I did.
When I walked in, a familiar face was sitting at the counter.
Our eyes met, and I felt bile rise to the back of my throat.
The new server that had taken Carmen's place smiled at us and led us to a table that looked directly at the counter.
"Actually, can we sit-" I started to say but was cut off by B.
"This is good, thank you!" The server ignored me and smiled at Britt before heading to the back. Once we were sitting, I couldn't help but meet the eyes that were boring holes into my face. "I know you knew this place first, but I live upstairs now, I have to see these people don't make waves." Britt said.
I nodded absently and picked up the menu.
But then I was feeling nauseous. I got up without a word to Ari or Britt and made my way past the counter and through the kitchen door.
The bathroom wasn't back here but Nico usually was.
I knocked on his office door until it cracked open.
Nico looked annoyed until he saw my face and then he looked concerned.
"Santi, my love, what's wrong?"
"Mr. Evans at the counter...I just need...a minute." He pulled the door open all the way and I stepped past him. Feeling like I could finally breathe once I was on the other side of the wall that was Nico.
"What's he doing here?" He muttered, looking at his monitors and then he pulled his gun from his waistband, checked the clip and chamber before tucking it back in his waist. "Stay in here for as long as you need, I'll get rid of him."
I sat at his desk and took deep breaths as he left.
From the monitor, I could see Britt and Ari talking and laughing with the server. I could also see that Carmen was here, tucked in a back booth her nose in a book as she rubbed lazily at her stomach.
And then I saw Mr. Evans stand when Nico walked out.
Then I saw the gun...and another gun.
Carmen ducked under the table and then Ari grabbed Britt's wrist and dragged her to the floor.
Mr. Evans, although super old was faster than Nico who had been off his game for a while. The shot hit Nico and he dropped but not before getting his own shot off, but it just whizzed right past Mr. Evans as he walked right out the door.
I sat there, feeling frozen just like the people in the diner but then all at once I was on the move, Ari was on her feet now, but Britt wasn't.
Fuck.
Now Carmen was up, helping Nico sit up against the back of the counter. People fled the restaurant.
Britt still wasn't up.
The bile finally manifested, and I threw up in Nico's trashcan.
Finally, I stood to my feet and made my way out into the dining room.
My heart was in my throat as I heard the sirens.
Nico was looking at Carmen as she helped him hold a dishtowel to his stomach.
Her big stomach was covered in his blood as she tried to keep him lucid.
Then I heard Ari mumbling or was it crying as she hovered over Britt.
When I saw her lying there, still as stone with blood surrounding her, I dropped to my knees beside her.
The blood was coming quick, I wasn't sure where it was coming from, but then blue eyes were on mine.
"Hey." She said.
"Hey yourself." I whispered back.
"You okay?" She asked.
"I'm pretty sure, that's what I'm about to ask you."
The paramedics and cops were crawling all over the diner before I had a chance to figure out where the blood was coming from.
All I could do was climb in the ambulance as we headed uptown.
She refused oxygen, they seemed fine with it.
"Flesh wound, bullet went straight through. Missed a major artery." The EMTs were saying but all I could see was Britt on a stretcher with her blood dripping onto the floor.
Then my phone was ringing.
It was Sandra, but I declined it.
She called again but I just turned my phone off.
Nothing was more important than this.
Except Isaac and he was safe at home with Q, thank God.
Ari had promised to go by the house and let Q know what was going on and then she kissed my face, took my car keys and promised to meet us at the hospital.
I don't remember responding or even telling her which hospital it was, all I know is she was shoving my wallet and phone into my hand and telling me to breathe.
Right.
Breathe.
"She says you're her wife? Is that true?" The doctor asked at the hospital and I looked at B who was muttering so fast that it was hard to keep up, then I gazed back at him.
"For now." I responded.
He didn't question it, this was New York, crazy things happened here every day.
"We need you to fill out some paperwork, insurance and payment info."
"Okay." I mumbled.
"She got lucky, Mrs. Lopez. We will patch her up and she can go home with you tonight."
Home.
Right.
What day was it?
Which home?
Ours?
Yes! It was Saturday.
Home was with me and Isaac on Saturdays.
She was going to be fine.
But was Nico?
I'd sent him out there to be shot.
If he died, Carmen would never get away.
Never get her chance to live a real life.
A burden.
That's me.
Just wishing that I wasn't repeating these cycles of drama and pain.
He had a hit.
That was certain but was it from Marco or someone worse.
Mr. Evans wasn't a hit man.
Would he come for me next?
I could ID him.
But would I?
Britt got shot through her right shoulder. The bullet went straight through, but it chipped her bone.
The doctors kept saying how lucky she was and I just knew that her timing had come through for her, she'd been in the right position for it not to go right through her neck.
She'd need a sling and pain killers for a while but otherwise she was fine to go home as soon as they finished stitching her up.
Ari had to go back to school so it was Quinn that picked us up from the hospital, looking a wreck.
Britt was leaning most of her weight on me as I helped her into the back seat and it made my back ache.
"What time is it?" I mumbled to Q as I put on my seatbelt.
"Just after 5."
"Can you drop me at the church?"
Quinn nodded and then started weaving her way through traffic until we were at the end of our block, she pulled over and then began to speak but I opened the door and stepped right out.
She hovered at the curb until I was at the church doors.
I repeated my actions from the day before.
Holy water.
Kneeling.
Bench.
Rosary.
Prayer.
This time though all my prayers were for Nico and Carmen and Brittany.
Nothing about myself.
There was no need for it. I'd be fine.
I finished my prayer, lit some candles, crossed myself and then made my way down to the basement.
The meeting had started, and they were at the part where they ask if anyone has anything to say.
I raised my hand.
"I'm Santana and I'm a drug addict."
"Hi Santana."
"I've been sober for three months and fifteen days. I'll be four months pregnant in a few days with my second child. My first child experienced cocaine all throughout my pregnancy, until the very end. He's fine, grace be to God. This child, will experience no drugs. The moment that I knew I was pregnant, I made sure to stay sober. I went to rehab, I changed my daily habits and routines. I stopped smoking and drinking. I pray more, I try to love more and lie less but today...I nearly lost all of that. I wanted to score and maybe just forget all the pain but, I remembered that it's not about me anymore. These kids need me, and I need them. I came here because, my need for my kids is stronger than my need for cocaine but I'm scared of what's to come...I'll continue to work the steps, to take things a moment at time but today, is one of those days where I don't trust myself, but I want to. God, do I want to." I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath. "That's it. I'm done." I said, standing to my feet.
But when I went to leave, there stood Britt with Q just behind her with my son, my reason.
I smiled and sat back down.
And I stayed through stories and the serenity prayer.
When I went to leave, a man stood up and thrust his hand in my way.
"Hold up." He said, looking tough as nails.
"What?"
"You need a sponsor, kid?"
"I do." I muttered.
He gave me a business card with a number scribbled on it.
"Call me."
"Okay."
"Be proud of every step, Santana. The sweeter life is possible...you just gotta keep it moving."
"Thanks."
"Call me...I'm Eddie."
"I'll call."
"Have a good night."
I followed Britt and Quinn outside and there stood my sister leaning against one of her hired cars.
"Hey." I said.
"Hi. Get in, you are coming up to the house for a few days."
"No thanks." I said as I started walking towards the house.
"Baby?" I turned and there was Britt, looking pitiful.
"What?"
"She's right, please...go. I'll come up after my meeting tomorrow."
I groaned and then turned around and climbed into the car.
Quinn waved to us as we settled into the car and then I noticed she was still holding my son.
"Wait...give him to me!"
"I'll bring him tomorrow. You go."
I wanted to throw a full-blown tantrum but instead, I sulked in the backseat with my sister.
"Why?" I asked her as the car started moving.
"Marco wants to see you."
I turned towards her and could feel my glare.
"No."
"This is important, it's why Sal was calling. You need to go."
"Sandra, I'm barely hanging on. I promise you that I'm not okay. Please don't make me go see him."
"I will be with you."
"Promise me that you won't leave me alone."
"I promise."
The last time that I had seen Marco, had been in that parking lot when he was asking me about my pregnancy.
Right before he went to jail.
Now, when I saw him, I had a baby bump and he had a beard that made him look like the stereotype of a terrorist.
His eyes lit up when he saw me, he was staring hard at my stomach and smiling like I had never seen. There was nothing hard about his expression.
I think he was truly in awe.
"Why am I here?" I said to him before I was even sitting.
"Can I...touch?" He asked, his voice like gravel.
I glanced over at Sandra who had her fists balled against her side.
"Up to you, sis." She said, and I walked to his side of the table and stood there with my arms spread.
"Be quick before I throw up on you."
He winked at me and then spread his hands over my stomach, keeping them there until I looked at him.
"I'm glad you're safe." He said.
I reached down and slid my hands over his softly before snatching them off me by bending his thumbs back, like he had shown me to do when a guy got too handsy.
"That's enough." I said and then stepped back and moved to the other side of the table, sitting beside my sister and hoping to God that this could be done with quickly.
"Thank you for letting me see you. I know that I made a promise to you and I'm still doing my best to keep it but then I heard about the hit on Nico. I heard you were in that diner and I needed to see you for myself."
"You contacted Sal before today, from what my sister is telling me. What do you want?"
"There's a price on your head, pretty much anyone that I dealt with. Your house is not safe, that diner isn't safe, and there's only one way that I can think for you to get it to stop. I contacted Sal a few days ago, after talking to Nico. Thought if you left Brittany, she'd be safe. I was wrong. Staying with Sandra is your best bet since she's in that secured community."
"Why do I have a price on my head, Marco?" I growled.
"Remember the deal we made back when I got rid of that guy who tried to hook you on heroin?"
I looked over at my sister and then nodded at Marco.
"Yeah."
"He wants his money and his stash."
"Okay? What does that have to do with me?"
"I promised to pay him off to stay away from you. He resents you walking around the city like you own it. He resents you for rising above your station." Marco used air quotes and rolled his eyes. "You have the stash; Anita and you have the money."
"What?" Sandra said, her eyes burning into the side of my face, but I wouldn't look at her.
"Marco...how are you sure this will put an end to it?"
"Mr. Evans."
I felt a chill go through me.
"What about...him?" I sighed.
"He's always liked you despite his son...maybe even because of his hateful spawn. He was gunning for Brittany, he knows she's going to live there...he didn't want to kill you...so he thought he'd take out Brittany. Like I said, you're not safe but she is less safe than you are and I'm willing to bet, that Isaac is no safer."
"What?!"
"Get the stash and money, Anita."
"How do I know this isn't some ploy to get me arrested, Marco?"
He looked around and held out his arms.
"Look around, no cameras no mirrors, no guard...I struck a deal. Get the stuff and take it to the penthouse, leave it there."
"Nico changed the locks and the passcode."
"Then get them, Santana. You're smart. Figure it out and soon."
"Why do you give a fuck, Marco?"
"Because, that blessing you are carrying is probably my one good thing. My one perfect thing and I'll be damned if anyone takes that from me or you."
"Can you call them off while I get the stash?"
"The cops are alerted so those idiots won't make a move right away. I'll tell my connect to be on the lookout for the stuff...let's say by tomorrow night in your favorite spot."
"Okay, is that it?"
"How are you doing?"
"Your contacts haven't told you that?"
"I know about Ian. I know about you nearly losing the baby in Lima, but I haven't been caught up on your health here."
"I'm fine, the baby is a fighter."
"Like her parents."
"Her?"
"Yeah, I have a feeling...karma and all that."
There was a hard knock on the door and he stood up and came around the table. He stuck his hand out to Sandra and she actually took it. I watched her stand and then look him in the eyes while they shook hands.
"Thanks for taking care of my family, Sandra."
"Your family?"
"Married or not, Santana is always my family, so yes."
I rolled my eyes as I watched him leave without attempting to touch me again.
He knew better.
Once we were back in the car, Sandra sat there fuming but I didn't have time for it, the price wasn't on her head.
After tonight, things needed to shift.
I had to find my happiness again.
How is he?-Santi
Gone.-Carmen
What?-Santi
Yes.-Carmen
What can I do?-Santi
U did enough-Carmen
I sat there staring at my phone, tears coming from my eyes.
C, we aren't safe-Santi
I need the codes, to protect us-Santi
Due date-Carmen
Where are you?-Carmen
I need-Carmen
I felt my chest tighten and didn't bother texting, no, she fucking deserved a phone call.
"Yeah?"
"C, where are you?"
"Don't know."
"C, please?"
"Hotel."
"Old one?"
"Yeah."
"I'm on my way."
"K." And then the tone went in my ear.
"Sis, I need you to get him to take us to TriBeCa...Nico's dead. Carmen is wandering the street."
"Oh God."
"She's like me, San and she's six months pregnant, Nico was all she had in this country...this world."
Sandra told the driver to change course and I worked on trying to get Carmen back on the phone.
"Breathe." Sandra said but I couldn't. Not now, not until she was here with me.
Carmen sat in the car, staring out the window, blood covering her shirt.
"He made me promise to not fill out the papers. Nico wanted me safe, I have his wallet...his everything. He wanted to be a John Doe."
"But why?"
"You know Nico, he doesn't give reasons." She sounded dazed and then, she dug into her pocket and pulled out the keys. "Here."
"What can I do, C...ask for anything."
"Make it hurt less." She muttered.
"I don't...I can't." I whispered.
She reached her blood covered hand towards me, it had long dried, but it still turned my stomach. I took her hand and didn't let it go for the whole ride back to my house.
My fuming sister was now calling one of Johnny's bodyguards.
Her anger was being tabled and I was grateful for it because we had bigger fish to fry.
When we got to the house both Britt and Isaac were asleep, there was only one light on in all the house and it happened to be in the only place I never went.
Nico had hidden the stash on the third floor before we moved in.
Quinn had been the perfect person to guard a stash that she didn't even know about.
Not once had I gone up to the third floor, not trusting myself to be that close to so much cocaine.
I walked up the stairs with Sandra and Carmen behind me. The strain in my back as I climbed up the three flights, reminded me that I hadn't done this much in an eternity and that after this, I seriously needed to rest my body.
But I needed to know that the price on my head and Carmen's was gone, I wasn't sure if she had one, but I wasn't taking any chances.
The three of us could all ID Mr. Evans.
Nico was gone, so it was just down to me and Carmen, she had been through enough, the least that I could do was make sure she was okay.
When I got up to the third floor, I had to stop at the top to catch my breath. I felt so exhausted.
Sandra had her hand on my lower back, steadying me. I looked back and could see that Carmen was just making it up.
If I was tired, she was probably ready to pass out, but she was still in shock, probably running on adrenaline or grief.
"I need you to know that I didn't touch any of this...I had no intention to. I was just holding for Nico and Marco...it was dumb. I know that." I said to my sister.
She looked me in the eyes for a long moment and then she leaned in and kissed my face.
"I'm trusting you."
"Thank you...also, Quinn has no idea." She looked shocked as I turned and knocked on the door.
The music that had been playing stopped and then the door cracked open.
Q looked at me and then past me, her eyes went wide.
"Is everything okay, you never come up here, should I worry?"
"Always, I need you to let me in and not ask any questions. Do you have a bag you don't care if you get back?"
Quinn shared a look with Sandra and then started moving, grabbing one of those swag bags from Columbia.
She dumped out the random shit they give out on orientation days and then held it out for me.
"Does this work?"
"Yeah...do you have gloves? My prints are in the system...I don't want to touch that."
She looked at me weird but then pulled some rubber gloves from her dresser drawer...she blushed, and I did not want to know.
God, I didn't but then she smirked, and I scrunched up my face.
"Gross...thanks. Wipe down that bag with hand sanitizer...and put some gloves on."
Carmen was leaning against the wall, watching me and Sandra was slipping on gloves right alongside Quinn.
How much did she think there was?
"Just tell us where, you should go stand with Carmen...give me the keys."
She was right.
I opened Quinn's closet door and then went inside, feeling the moldings and the walls until I found the nick, just behind Quinn's luggage.
"Here." I said to Sandra, as I shifted through the key ring until I found what looked like metal toothpick. I handed it to my sister and then left the closet and stood next to Carmen.
I slipped my hand in hers and then stood there stock still as she rested her head on my shoulder.
"I've got you, C. You know that, right?"
"I don't know anything right now, Santi." Her tears soaked my shoulder as I listened to the commotion in the closet.
"Unfucking real!" Quinn said as she came out with her bag full.
Sandra came out carrying what didn't fit in the bag in her hands.
Carmen and I both sucked in a breath when we saw the pure white brick.
"San, you two go downstairs and get Carmen something that isn't covered in blood. Don't worry about waking B, those drugs knocked her out cold."
I nodded my head in response to Quinn's directive and pulled Carmen along with me.
This whole situation was bigger than the both of us and some direction was what Carmen craved...and what I needed in that moment.
Quinn had been right, when we walked through my bedroom, Britt was drooling on my pillow in her bloody clothes.
"One step at a time." Carmen said, when she saw what I was looking at.
"Right."
I pulled out some of Britt's giant clothes that she like to dance in, knowing that they'd fit Carmen comfortably.
"Are you up for a shower?" I asked her.
"Yeah."
"Do you need help?"
"Yes."
"Okay, come on then."
I stripped out of my clothes after helping Carmen out of hers. It had been a year since we had been naked together and a year since I even wanted to be.
The blood had soaked through her clothes and was dried onto her baby bump.
When she looked down, she began to cry, and I let her as I got the shower going.
I helped her in and then slowly but surely, I got her clean. She whimpered when the blood was washed away finally.
Seeing her like this, so broken reminded me of the state that Paco had left her in so long ago, only back then she had way more bruises and cuts.
Nico had saved her from a fate worse than death after I introduced them, now he was gone.
My fault.
All of it.
Then I watched her stomach move and she gave a sad smile as she rubbed at the spot.
"Hey, bebe." She whispered. "We're okay. Mama's okay."
"What's going on?" I heard Britt slur from the other side of the curtain.
I peeked out and saw her leaned against the wall.
"Hey, B...just helping Carmen get clean."
"Okay...Izzy's crying...mmmgotohim." Carmen's eyes went wide, knowing that Britt was way too fucked up to be handling a baby.
"Go." She said, and I climbed out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel as I followed behind B.
She was still trying to make it to the bedroom door, but I pushed her back and she stumbled onto the bed.
"Sleep, B. I got him."
"But...mmadhga." She said and then a second later she was snoring.
As I stepped into the hall, I nearly collided with Quinn.
"Go get dressed, I've got him. Sandra just finished wrapping everything up. We are going to head to Westchester. I'm gonna get Isaac ready. You handle Carmen."
"Thanks Q. I owe you one."
She stopped in her tracks and glared at me. Her voice cold and her stare 100% HBIC, "You owe me so much more than one but not now...we will talk tomorrow."
"As long as we are still talking, Q...I'm down."
Isaac was screaming now, so she turned away and went to handle him.
This was my village.
Situation was fucked but still, we were all pitching in.
God still grants miracles, even if they don't feel like them in the moment.
Sandra packed everyone into the car with her driver and sent them ahead to her house with Quinn in charge.
This drop off was going to be just between the two of us, even if Quinn had been involved in getting it out of the wall.
She wanted answers to all of her questions but Q, has always respected that there is a time and a place for certain conversations, now was obviously not that time so she was putting a pin in it.
That didn't mean though that she wouldn't hound me the first chance that she got.
"What about the money?" Sandra asked as I drove us to TriBeCa.
"It's already there...at the penthouse."
"How much money?"
"Two million cash and my diamond engagement ring from Marco."
"How do you know it's still there?"
"Nico was using the place as a drop site. It should be cleared out. He was tying up loose ends and selling what was left in the penthouse for Marco. If I had to get the stash that means that Nico was done clearing it out."
"And you didn't touch any of this?"
"No."
I parked my car in the garage across the street and then made my way across the street into the building that had been the start of my downward spiral. Just being in the building was enough to make the tremors start.
Sandra held the bag of coke while I just carried the keys.
We stepped into the private elevator, I stuck the key into the port and then hit the buttons.
1-1-2-3
It seemed too easy but that was probably the genius behind it, people looked for complicated, not simple.
The doors closed and the elevator shot up so quickly that I had to grab onto the bar to keep from stumbling over.
Sandra steadied me for a second time that night as the door to Marco's old penthouse opened.
When we stepped out onto the marble, I remembered spitting on this floor and then being met by Marco's fist.
As I walked in, there was no furniture but my mind still remembered nearly overdosing by the fireplace.
Giving blowjobs at one of those fucking Sunday brunches.
Being bent over the dining room table.
I stood there shaking, my arm over my face as I sobbed.
"Breathe, sis. Tell me where the money is."
I pointed to the piano...the sole piece of furniture in the room.
"The cover." I whispered.
She lifted it up and there...just as if it was placed there a moment ago was a duffel bag.
"So am I leaving this bag here too?" She asked me and I nodded.
I kept waiting for someone to pop out and get us but we'd agreed on a drop the next night...Sandra said it was safer this way and she was right.
Despite my breakdown and each moment feeling like an eternity we were up there and back in the car in a total of ten minutes.
Sandra wanted to drive and because my back was screaming at me to be still, I didn't argue.
It was nearing 1am when we pulled through the private gates of Sandra's community, I was in and out of sleep and so ready to just go to bed.
Sandra though, seemed wired.
"Tell me that was the only stash, Santana."
I shook my head.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Do you know how much property I own, Sandra?"
"Yes."
"Let me put it this way, every single one, with the exception of the apartments has a stash because all of them were either owned or purchased during my marriage to Marco."
"What about your mom's house?"
"Even there."
"Why?"
"I wish that I knew, sis but if you could find a way to get rid of it all...next time without me involved. Before today, I was content with having a backup plan, even if it was a bad one but now, I just want peace. I just feel like I'm at war with everything in my life and that's no way to live."
"Are you serious about that, because I can make that happen, just say the word."
"I'm serious and you should know that while you're searching, you need to put your pool house on that list." I sighed as I ran my hands over my tired face.
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Because you know me. I don't even know if it's still there. I put it there when I was here last summer...I know you didn't see me but I saw you. I was doing a job in this community and I walked here, trying to escape. You and Johnny looked so happy, having dinner. I didn't want to interrupt...I stashed what I stole from the job and then told Marco that I couldn't work for the guy anymore. I was high when I hid it. I'm sorry and know that if I could take it back, I would."
She pulled down the driveway, parked the car and then turned it off before she said a word to me.
I expected yelling or at least a reprimand but instead she unbuckled us both and then turned towards me.
"Look at me." She said.
I turned towards her and could see only love in her eyes.
"Don't you ever think that you can't come to me. I don't care what is happening in my life, if any of my sisters need me...I'm there. I took an oath to give my life for this country if need be so you can be fucking sure that I would lay down my life for any of you. Sangre is sacred."
"You mean that, even after everything?"
"Para siempre, Santana. I got you, even when you don't have yourself."
My sister held me after that, as I wept in her arms, not cursing my hormones for once.
This was no time to be cold or unfeeling.
It had been the worst day and to be ending it knowing that I wasn't a burden to someone meant the world to me.