Chapter 14: Space (Phora feat Breana Marin)
I fell asleep in a small part of the bed next to Britt as she laid comatose in the center. I had tried to nudge her to no avail. I spent the whole night curled up in the fetal position, weeping like a little bitch baby until I fell into a fitful sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night after nearly peeing myself and barely made it to the toilet before my bladder decided it had held in enough, which meant that I ended up cleaning some of the floor and toilet seat before climbing in the shower to rinse off. By the time that I got back to the room, Britt had somehow managed to occupy the middle and the edges of the bed at the same time and I just didn't feel like fighting.
So I walked down to the nursery, climbed into the glider and watched my son sleep until finally, my body gave into sleep.
"Ana baby?" I felt pain all over as I was shaken awake.
Britt stood above me with her arm in a sling and her hair hanging down around her face looking like an angel.
"Hey, how are you feeling, B?"
"Like shit but I still have to go to work because it's my first day."
"You were shot, that's a perfect excuse not to go."
"Nah, I want to go in. I don't want to miss anything. Quinn is driving me since I can't drive myself...we are gonna stop by the house. Do you need anything?"
"For you guys to come back safely."
"We will try. I love you." She kissed my forehead and then gave a rub to my little belly. "I love you too, nugget." She said and then walked over to Isaac and kissed him before leaving me alone again.
Even though I ached, I managed to fall back to sleep but it didn't last long because both boys were screaming what felt like seconds later.
Sandra came rushing in and got right to work.
When she saw me stand up, she put Isaac on the changing table for me.
My son was smiling up at me with that gummy smile. I showered him in kisses and he gurgled in excitement, kicking his little feet and fists.
"I love you, Papa." I whispered to him.
Even tired, I was grateful to be alive to see every moment of him.
I didn't want to miss a thing.
Both exhausted, we stood side by side and took care of our sons.
"Did you sleep?" She asked me.
"Just barely, I'm feeling really exhausted and achy today. I think I overdid it yesterday."
"I agree, how about today you just stay in bed or maybe down on the couch...if you don't want to be alone that is."
"Sure...do you um...Do you think we'll hear from Marco today?"
"I hope so...I hate that everything is up in the air."
"Me too...I need to check on Carmen once I'm done changing him." I said and watched her go stiff and then she looked at me with a sad smile that had my hackles raised. "What happened?"
"She's not here." Sandra said and I froze.
"What? Why?"
"She came to me at dawn and asked me to help her leave without anyone knowing...she doesn't feel safe in New York."
"Where is she?"
"Away, when things are safer, I'll let you know."
"I trust you, sis...it's just...I feel responsible for all of this."
"I know you do and that is why she decided to leave before you knew...she can't shoulder your guilt and her grief, it's not fair to her. She needs peace right now and she'll get it where she's going."
"Promise me."
"I promise. Now...let me take care of you."
"How so?"
"By keeping you off of your feet all day long, if you need me, just call me."
"I only need to be in bed for 8 hours, San."
"Yes I get that, but how many hours were you on your feet yesterday?"
"I dunno, like 20."
"Then you were on your feet enough for two days. Today you rest."
"Fine but what about Isaac?"
"I will bring him to you throughout the day but only when I know you've rested."
I insisted that if I was to rest, I didn't want to be stuck upstairs in the guest room all day long, so Sandra set me up in her family room.
The couches were amazingly fluffy, the tv was gigantic and the bathroom was steps away...not to mention the kitchen being in yelling distance.
She turned on the tv really low and helped get me situated before setting up the bassinet for Isaac, so that I could reach out to him whenever I wanted to.
Once she knew that I was sitting and not close to moving, she headed off to the kitchen to get breakfast going. My stomach was growling like crazy because I hadn't eaten the day before...I never got waffles...I never got lunch because we were at the hospital and then we were doing a drug deal around dinner time, so it had been a full 24 hours since I'd fed myself or this baby.
The stress had distracted me from eating, just like always but once I began to smell all the food that Sandra was cooking, the hunger pains set in.
By the time she put a tray in front of me, I was near tears...again.
"You okay?"
"I didn't eat yesterday." I admitted and her eyes got wide.
"At all?"
"No."
"Shit...okay, well eat slowly and if you're still hungry after that, I'll get you more food."
"Thanks."
I tore into my food, trying to take it slow but not really able to slow down once I got started.
Sandra came in with a cup of decaf for me and orange juice a few minutes later and I had already nearly finished my plate.
I heard footsteps just as she was about to scold me and then in popped B, smiling at me with a bag over her shoulder and one in her hand.
"Oh, you're already eating...um...I'll put this in the fridge then." She said holding up a bag from Grey's Papaya.
"Aww, B! I love you!" I said, my mouth full of food.
"Eat, I'll put this away." Britt still looked a little dazed but not as bad as yesterday. "Tony's meeting me at a place close by so we can talk about some ideas, just wanted to make sure you had this."
"She looks pretty good for someone with a new hole in their body." Sandra said and then she put her hand on my wrist as I was about to shovel eggs into my semi-full mouth. "Slow down."
After a smaller second plate of food, I went to the bathroom and didn't even get nauseous, it was a welcome feeling actually keeping food down.
"Thanks baby bear." I said to my little belly as I rubbed it.
Not long after that, I fell into a food coma as I tried and failed to keep my eyes open while watching tv.
When I woke up again it was to the bassinet being closer and to beautiful blue eyes looking up at me.
Isaac was staring up at me and when I looked into his eyes, it was almost like looking into Ian's eyes. It made me tear up and I quickly wiped away the useless emotions.
So much had happened since Ian died, how quickly had I been able to swallow down all my grief?
Now I had more.
How would Carmen deal with this? Ian had at least gotten to see Isaac but Nico...
My fault.
Would never get to see his baby look at him with so much love.
My fault.
Those eyes were so bright and I couldn't fight back the tears as I smiled at my baby boy.
"I miss your godfather so bad! Your Dada." Isaac gurgled and started babbling incoherently. "I still can't believe that he's gone. We will be just fine though all four of us...me and you and mama and the new baby. Just fine I promise."
I laid on my side with my back to the door as I murmured stories about Ian to his son. He was looking at me with sleepy eyes but he seemed to be paying attention to what I was saying. I traced my fingers over his face and cooed to him, enjoying that little smile he always gave me.
Isaac's babbling was quickly turning into that quiet murmuring he does when he's sleepy. Even though, I shouldn't have, I pulled him onto my chest. I rubbed his back and sung to him. I learned quickly that my voice soothes him above anything else. So I began to sing Songbird to him.
It made me happy that he trusted me so completely with his comfort. His breathing slowed and he soon fell asleep. I ran my fingers through his black curls over and over again. I felt my eyes start to droop and decided that maybe I should lay Isaac down next to me. I turned to my side and laid him on his back. Then I blocked him onto the couch with a pillow before following him into sleep.
I woke up a while later to Britt standing over the couch with her phone. She smiled as she took pictures of me and Isaac. I looked down and saw that Isaac was cuddled against my baby bump still asleep.
"When did you get here?" I whispered.
"Just a few minutes ago. I was about to go get a bottle for him and warm up your food. Are you hungry? It's been a few hours."
"Starving." I said honestly.
"Ok, I'll be right back." she smirked and then left me alone in the room again. I was wide awake now so I pulled myself into a sitting position and lifted Isaac onto my lap.
That small action sent shooting pains down my back and I let out a low groan. It was then that I realized how serious the doctor was when she told me not to lift anything. Britt of course chose that moment to walk into the room, so I wasn't even able to hide the pain.
"Are you alright baby?" Britt came rushing over to me while carrying a plate in her good hand. I tried to push my pain away and force a smile but she wasn't buying it. I watched as she quickly put the plate down and stood next to me and began to rub my back.
"I'm okay, B, really." I said as I ran my hand through Isaac's hair again as he looked up at me silently.
No crying or anything, just watchful like me.
"You overdid it when you picked him up, didn't you?"
It felt silly that I had felt the need to keep the pain from her, what an insanely vicious cycle.
"Yea...kind of." I muttered as I looked down at my sleeping baby.
"Eat your food."
I moved Isaac between us on the couch and began to chomp down on the best hot dogs ever.
Britt was leaned over, talking to Isaac low enough that I couldn't hear her.
He let out a squeal and I nearly choked but then Britt laughed. When she looked up at me, I could see that Isaac had her hair in his fist and was wide awake and smiling.
When I finished my food, I sat back feeling ridiculously satisfied.
Who knew that food was a thing you could love?
"I'm going to feed him, okay? Do you mind helping me and from the looks of it, you could stand to stretch. You keep flinching. I think it would be good for you to get up and walk around a little."
"Sure, B." I still got a chill when she took charge. This divorce was going to suck. "It's not going to be too much to carry him?"
"Nah, he's super light, you just need to put him in my arms and give me the bottle, it's in my pocket, once he's in my arms, I need you to grab it for me."
I nodded and then held out my arms so that she could take Isaac, look how far we had come in a day and a half!
Even with the sling, she managed to get him settled in the crook of her arm with minimal effort. I dug the bottle out of her pocket, popped the top off and put it in her sling hand.
She successfully got the bottle in his mouth, once he was tucked against her chest she turned around. "Use my hips to help yourself up."
"B...are you sure this isn't too much stress on your body?"
"Positive." I placed my hands on her hips and slowly pulled myself to my feet.
The shooting pains were beginning to dull but I was glad to have Britt to lean on, since I felt unsteady.
"You good?"
"I'm okay, my legs just felt a little like electrified jello for a moment there, but I'm fine now."
"Ouch, I feel like that after a really long dance session, just keep your hands on my hips and walk with me while I feed Izzy."
"Thanks for this, B."
"No problem baby mama." She chuckled...something about her was different but I just chalked it up to the pain meds and the fact that she got shot yesterday.
What is this life?
I shuffled behind her and stuck my hands in the front pocket of her jeans. I could feel my belly touch her back as I leaned into her, resting my head on her good shoulder.
She sighed softly when I touched her and I knew that she was thinking pleasant thoughts about us and it made me feel good that my touch was doing that for her again even if I had no intention of taking it further.
Britt waited until I was situated securely behind her and she slowly began to walk out the room and down the hallway.
"So, B, how did your time with Tony go?"
"Oh, it went great! I really like him. He has been trying to get on Broadway for seven years."
"Wow and you walked right in there and nailed it on your first try. I'm so proud of you, B." I mumbled into her back, taking deep breaths as I focused on my footsteps.
"Yea me too, I'm proud that I could do that. I didn't think that I would ever be doing something like this, especially injured, this morning I didn't think it was even possible to dance like this but I did and my bosses were impressed. I'm really excited about it. It's going to be a lot of hard work but at least I won't have to go so far away to live out my dreams."
"That's the best part! Now I can be your personal cheerleader and I can be a part of your dream." Britt stopped as we approached the end of the long hallway. I was expecting her to say something or do something but she just stood there looking at the wall. "B, did I say something wrong?"
"No. It's just that...Ana, you are my biggest dream of all. I was stupid to think that making my dreams come true without you by my side would be enough. I belong wherever you are, I know that now."
I kissed her on her back just below her neck and smiled to myself.
"Promise?" I whispered.
"Yes...I promise, with all my heart!" she said before clearing her throat and turning us in the opposite direction.
"Is this because of yesterday?" I asked once we started we started walking towards the dining room.
"A little bit. When I was laying there after I got hit, I kept asking Ari where you were. You were all I cared about, not me but you."
"I saw everything on the monitors, everyone was moving around but you and I got so freaked that I threw up. I started to panic just thinking that I'd lost you."
"Yeah, it was so scary thinking I'd never see you smile at me again. I know that we're divorced now but I want you to know that I still want to be with you, just you." B said sounding like she was going to cry.
"You've said that before though."
"But I mean it this time. There's no one else for me."
"I want to believe that, B, but what happens when you heal and the feeling of a near death experience goes away? You've said and done some harsh shit to me, I can't just forget that."
"Let me prove to you that I can be better."
I kissed her nape of her neck again but didn't say another word.
We walked a bit more and then we were back in the family room and I was sitting on the couch again. There was a tension between us now and it was all on me.
My fault.
She placed Isaac in the bassinet and then began to change him, slowly. It was insane to see her be such a boss at using just one hand.
When she is present in the moment, she's an amazing mom and I want to be just like her.
Even though she was smiling at him and making faces, there was a sadness floating around her and I could tell my lack of response was getting to her.
"B?"
"Hmm?" She wouldn't look at me.
"I just need space right now, I gotta make my own moves and so do you. I'm here to support you but I can't commit to more than that."
"I get it...I'm not stupid."
"Hey, I didn't say you were."
"Just drop it...please?"
My fault.
After our awkward exchange, we sat in the family room with snacks, watching Sweet Valley High and then Frozen.
I'd slept so much that it was no wonder that I was wired while after only a few minutes Britt passed out on the other end of the couch, with her mouth open and drool on her bottom lip.
God how I loved this giant dork.
I just couldn't give in so easily. I needed to know that our love was going to last the next time we tried to make a go at it.
Sandra came into the room with little Johnny and sat down in the dip right next to me. I could tell that she had something to say and my stomach tied itself up in anticipation.
"You heard from him?" I asked quietly, not wanting to wake Britt, she didn't know anything about yesterday and I didn't want to have to discuss anything with her...not right now.
"I did, through Sal. The drop went well, with Nico gone, everyone is going underground. They're looking for Carmen because she has Nico's books apparently. It was smart for her to leave when she did. She was right, Nico was a ghost. Those videos of the diner don't exist. Did you leave the diner before or after them?"
"Before."
"There's no trace of him, no id...no one claimed him."
"What about Mr. Evans?"
"He's in jail, he was identifiable by more than one witness. Not even the workers at the diner are claiming that it was Nico that was shot. It's so odd but you're safe and so is Britt and Isaac."
"For how long, I mean, the police took my statement. Is someone going to finish me off?" Britt's voice was scratchy but clear.
We both looked at her and I could see that she was clearly paying attention.
"How much did you hear, B?"
"Everything. I had a feeling that this had to do with Marco in some way. What did I miss last night?"
I sat there silently as Sandra filled Britt in on everything. When she got to the part about all the cocaine that was stashed in our house, Britt stared at me with murder in her eyes. Gone was the sweet woman who wanted me back, no this was Britt at her angriest but I could tell that she was holding back from exploding but her eyes were staring into mine and I couldn't look away.
"I'm sorry about all of this, B."
"Sorry doesn't fix anything, Santana. I need to um...go." She got up from the couch and left us there without another word and I didn't blame her.
"Can you watch him a sec, I need to talk to her one on one?"
"Sure, take your time and take it easy." She'd come a long way from a week ago when she wanted to rip off Britt's head.
"Thanks."
I pushed up from the couch and saw Britt grabbing her car keys.
"Where are you going? You shouldn't be driving." I said to her as I followed her out of the house in my slippers.
"I need to get away from here!" She turned back towards me, looking like every movement was hurting her.
I held out my hand.
"At least let me drive you wherever it is."
"And if I want to drive all the way to Lima?"
"Then you'll let me pack a bag at least."
"Fine...hurry up, I'll wait for you." She said leaning against the car, keys still in her hand.
"Do I look stupid to you? I have my extra license in the car, we can go just like this."
She balked but then nodded and unlocked the car before climbing into the passenger seat. "Okay, fine. Come on."
I walked around and climbed in the driver seat, my back ached so even though it was the last week in August, I turned on the seat warmers after starting up the car.
She looked over at me and I looked back at her. It pained me that she was looking at me with watery eyes. I opened my arms for her and then she leaned into my embrace, even if it was hesitant. I hadn't held her in a very long time so I knew that this meant a lot to her. She rested her hand against my little baby bump and I laid my hand on top of hers. I wanted her to feel all the love that I had to offer.
I wanted to be her peace.
"Britt Britt, I need you to understand something...this is really important. Are you listening?" She sat up and turned in her seat, using her good hand to rest on my stomach, she smiled when she felt the growth of my little belly.
"Okay...I'm listening." B mumbled more to my belly than to me which was okay. I brought my hand up and brushed hair from her eyes.
"Look at me for a second?" She lifted her eyes up and looked at me, her eyes still watery and hard.
After yesterday and her convo with me this afternoon, coupled with her learning that I was still hiding shit, I needed to give her some hope.
"You are the most amazing woman that I have ever met. You are everything that is good and decent in this world. You are smart and beautiful. When you dance it's like the heavens are opening. I love you wholly and completely. It's my dream come true to build a future with you. I know that we made a shit load of mistakes but we can be better. We can make everything work again one day, I have so much faith in us...do you?"
"I want all that but then...I thought you were done hiding drugs."
"In my defense-" I began to say but then I saw that angry look again. "You're right...shit...I know that. There's so much that I got wrapped up in when I was here with Marco. It's hard to keep it all straight. I can promise you though that I never touched those drugs. That's why I never went to the third floor. I needed to give myself a boundary."
"A good boundary would be no cocaine at all."
"I know, I'm so fucking sorry. You have to know that I am."
"Is there more?"
"Huh?"
"Where is it?"
"Everywhere and I was honest with Sandra about that. I asked her to sweep all of the properties and get rid of it."
"You did?" She looked surprised.
"I did and I plan to stay right in this house until it happens, I need to trust myself and be trusted, that means that I have to start getting rid of my secrets. That's why I need this space, B. I need to know that when when we come back together we are each other's 80."
"Wait, am I not yours?"
I swallowed back my fear and shook my head.
"No." She tried to pull away but I wouldn't let her, I grabbed her hand and kept her still. "There's no one else, B. Always and only you but I think I realized a while back that my 80 is cocaine. It's why I keep fucking things up and I don't want things to be like that anymore."
"You really mean that?"
"I really, really do. I want us to make this relationship work in whatever way we can. I want you to live out your dreams and I want us to find our place in this world together."
"I want that too."
Britt and I went back into the house together, pinkies linked, recommitted to working through our shit in a healthy way.
There was still something off about her but I couldn't quite place it.
I felt paranoid but she hadn't given me reason to be.
Maybe that was just my default after everything.
That night, after dinner and Isaac being bathed and rocked to sleep, Britt and I went to the guest room together and the moment the door was closed, I rounded on her.
"Kiss me, B." I said as I leaned into her, the sling was the only thing between us. She was looking at me like I had lost my mind.
"What...kiss you?"
"Please?"
"You're sending so many mixed signals."
"I just...fuck...I don't want anyone else, B but I feel like lonely and horny."
"Your needs again?"
"Yes."
She leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then my nose...and then she lingered a breath away from my lips.
"We can't." She whispered and then masterfully, she stepped around me and went into the bathroom.
"Fuck!" I grumbled and stormed into the bathroom behind her, watching as she tried to squeeze toothpaste onto her toothbrush with one hand. It would have been amusing if the injury hadn't been because she'd been shot. I moved over to her side and held her toothbrush for her.
She looked at me with sad eyes and then whispered, "Thanks."
"I'm sorry, B."
"Stop being sorry." She muttered and then she began to brush, thankfully she had her dominant hand working just fine. I'd been in her shoes though, stuck using one hand to do all your functional things.
And then I thought of how that happened, I had punched a mirror.
I reached up and brushed my finger over the faint scar above her eye.
"I can't help but apologize when all your scars come from me or something to do with me."
She flinched when I touched her but she didn't fully pull away.
I leaned against her and then grabbed my own toothbrush.
We were domestic sometimes and it was fucking charming.
Thankfully when we climbed in bed, she didn't take it over like the night before and I was able to stretch out.
She leaned into me and in minutes she was asleep but I was still awake.
And then I was feeling nauseous.
But I stayed put...for one hour...then two...then my bladder was ready to burst and my back ached.
I slid from the bed, feeling like I might faint but just chalked it up to being tired.
Once I was in the bathroom, I locked the door and then sunk to my knees. That nauseous feeling was making me feel like I was seasick, so I shoved my fingers to the back of my throat.
The gag was loud and so was the sound of all the food that followed.
God I had tried so hard...I felt disgusting...there was more, so I did it again.
This time the gagging was harsh and the only thing that came up was burning stomach bile. The nausea finally subsided and I slowly got to my feet and drank down fist fulls of water, knowing that overfilling my quaking stomach was going to do just what I needed. I made it back to the toilet and the water mixed with bile came right back up with minimal effort.
I flushed and then sat on the toilet, finally ready to empty my bladder.
The exhaustion was taking over and I could feel myself drifting between wakefulness and sleep.
I startled when the door knob jiggled.
"Ana baby? Are you okay in there? Why is the door locked?"
Those words brought me back to myself, back to a time where I was dumb enough to compromise my baby, my marriage and my life for a good high. Back to when I promised that while she was in the next room, I would never lock a door between us.
Things were different now, I was sober and even if now we were working on fixing other things, we were still divorced.
"Ana?" I had drifted off again until I heard her voice beginning to sound a little frantic. I wiped myself, then stood up and unlocked the door before walking over to the sink to wash my hands.
I looked at my reflection and saw the sweat on my brow and the meat under my skin, the fat that filled my cheeks would usually disgust me but throwing up hadn't been about weight...not this time. Most days I feel really fat and gross but in that moment I felt radiant.
Thankfully.
"You are so beautiful." I heard Britt's voice again, this time from right behind me. I looked over to see that she stood in the doorway smiling sweetly at me. "Come back to bed."
I nodded and walked over to her, wanting so badly to kiss her but not wanting to be rejected again.
When we climbed into the bed and got under the covers I snuggled into Britt's side and laid my head on her chest. It was my favorite non sexual position. I listened to her heart beat and fell asleep to the sweetest humming, I could imagine, grateful that God had let me keep her a little longer.
In the moments when B and I allow all the extra drama to fade away, I am able to truly appreciate our love.
I woke up to Isaac babbling in his crib and to the monitor crackling as Britt talked to him.
"Okay, Izzy...be a good boy for Mami today. Titi Sandra is going to look after you today so that Mami can get some extra rest. I will be home for lunch! Mama loves you!"
I heard the soft thumping of his sound machine and then the door creaking shut.
A few seconds later the door to our bedroom creaked open and I closed my eyes trying my best to pretend that I was still asleep. I felt the bed dip and then my head was being lifted up and even then I pretended I was asleep.
"Quinn is right, you are such a bad faker! You know you mumble constantly in your sleep and then you snore a little too!" My eyes flew open.
"I do not snore!" I whined.
"I know...but you do mumble. Good morning Ana." She said before planting a big sloppy kiss on my lips. I was grinning fool to have finally felt her lips on mine again. "Sandra is letting me use one of her drivers since I can't take myself. It's gonna be so cool. I will see you in a few hours. Wish me luck!"
"You don't need it, B. You dance better than you walk. This is going to be easy."
"I know but I didn't want to sound stuck up." she grinned as she kissed my forehead. I pulled her down and snuggled into her again for another moment. I giggled as she peppered my face with more kisses and then pulled away. "Okay, I gotta go now or I may never leave!"
"Knock em dead B!" I shouted after her, she abruptly turned to look at me and I could see that her face was scrunched up in mock horror.
"Why would I do that, that's just cruel." she chuckled.
"Hey...did you take your meds?"
"Yup! Set an alarm on my phone. Te amo!"
"Hasta luego, B! Te quiero tanto!" I said blowing her a kiss. She caught it and put in her bra, then winked before closing the door.
God, I loved her like this!
I fell asleep soon after B left but wasn't able to stay that way for long because my phone started ringing. I ignored it both times that it rang hoping that they would get the point but the moment that I started to doze off, it rang again. "What the fuck!" I moaned and then I grabbed my phone and brought it under the covers with me.
"Yes!" I grumbled into the phone.
"Santana? I waited as late as I could. I know you aren't a morning person but this can't wait any longer...I really wish you wouldn't brush me off."
"I'm not brushing you off, I'm just busy, Sal."
"Too busy to talk to the person that you pay a hefty fee?"
"Hefty? Are you raising your rates?"
"Honestly, Santana, the more you ignore me...the more I'm tempted to do just that."
"Ugh! Can I call you right back? I'm pregnant and I need to...you know, do some things."
"Okay fine, but this is insanely important I need you to assure me that you will call me right back."
"I will. Just let me wake up properly, please?"
"Great. I look forward to hearing from you shortly."
"Yeah yeah." I said as I canceled the call and tossed the phone.
I climbed out of bed and trudged into the bathroom feeling bitter and hateful. Even though I had been wide awake when B had left, now after two hours of sleeping I was groggy and cranky. I quickly went through my morning routine and then put my hair up. Something about my old regulation ponytail calmed me down when I was nervous. I hated these kind of phone calls, they always ended up fucking up my day.
Then I thought about how I'd blown Sal off the day before and he had known about the potential hit.
He could have warned me.
Nico could still be alive.
Carmen wouldn't be a widow.
Their kid wouldn't be fatherless.
Britt wouldn't have a hole in her fucking shoulder.
My fault.
Sal may think I'm going to brush him off but I have learned my lesson.
With my game face on, I picked my phone back up, said a quick prayer and did the last thing I felt like doing.
"You actually called me back."
"I told you that I would. I like to believe that I am a woman of my word. These days at least." I sat cross legged on bed and tried to channel some good vibes but it was fruitless.
Whatever Sal had to say was going to suck, that was just his job to be my person grim reaper.
"That's good to hear."
"So Salvatore tell me why you are calling me."
"Wow, you are just like your father getting right down to business. I like that about you, you don't waste my time once I can actually get you on the phone."
"Aw thanks...now come on. Don't stress me out unnecessarily."
"Before I continue, I want to make sure that Sandra conveyed the message that everything is in the clear as far as Marco is concerned?"
"She did. Thank you for doing what you could."
"I wish I could have done more. Sadly, things took a turn before I could do much."
"Well...we can't put the toothpaste back in the tube...let's just move on. Okay?"
"Okay. I had a talk with Hector this morning." He cleared his throat but I cut him off before he continue, annoyed with the sound but too anxious to comment on that.
"As in my Padrino, Hector Rivera?"
"Yes. His officers made two arrests last night. Megan Perkins and Thomas Flanagan. Ingrid has been placed in foster care pending a hearing."
My heart dropped.
Please God, let her be okay!
"Um, ok I can understand why they would arrest Ian's creepy rapist of an uncle but why his mom?"
I heard Sal sigh and then he cleared his throat again, I could tell that he probably was resting his hand against his temple. He sounded tired and frustrated.
"At the funeral you gave Ingrid a note from Ian, correct?"
"Yes. That was two week ago, though does it matter?"
"Mrs. Perkins found it last night and physically assaulted Ingrid breaking her arm and a few ribs in the process. She then left her daughter there and went to church. Sadly, after Ingrid was left alone, broken and bleeding, her uncle sexually assaulted her. She thankfully managed to get away before her mother came home. She stumbled into Breadstix so that someone could call the police...she didn't trust the neighbors to call anyone so she walked the two blocks to the restaurant and passed out in the reception area."
I sat there with tears dripping down my face. Un fucking believable!
"Is she going to be okay? Fuck! Of course not who would be! Shit!"
"The doctors say she is going to make a full physical recovery. Her mental state though...will probably suffer."
"Fuck!" all I could think about was her sweet face.
"Santana, back to the business at hand, have you opened the letter from Ian?"
"Shit! I totally got so wrapped up in everything else that I completely forgot. Wait...what does that have to do with anything? What does this all have to do with me?"
My heart was racing.
"I think you should read that letter to see if there's any mention of this abuse, the case will need everything that we can use to nail these assholes to the wall. I have a call to make. Give me a call back after you've read it then we can go from there."
I nodded and hung up the phone feeling so erratic. My emotions were all over the place as I furiously texted B.
When can you come home?-Ana
Her response was immediate even though she was working.
Is evrytng ok?-B
I'm not sure...-Ana
I gt out erly 2dy, ws grbbn hot choc. w/ Tony and driver. Do u need me? Did u eat?-B
Yes, I need you. No I didn't eat. Call me if you can?-Ana
No sooner had I sent the text, my phone started to ringing. I was so happy when I saw her silly picture appear, it warmed my heart and calmed me just a fraction.
"What's wrong?" She sounded worried. To make matters worse, I began sobbing the moment that I heard her voice. "Ana what is it? Are you okay? Is it Isaac? You're scaring me."
"Can you come back please?"
"I'm on my way. Are you hungry?"
"I-I don't know...I guess."
"Okay, I'll get you something."
"Thanks, B."
"I'll be there in about twenty minutes."
"Okay!" I sniffled as I hung up.
I climbed from the bed and them remembered and ran back. My back began to throb, Shit!
"B?"
"Ana, I'm in the car, I'm coming."
"I need you to stop at home."
"At the house? What? Ana we were headed onto the bridge. Hold on a sec." She said something to the driver and then he cursed and I could hear the screeching of tires. "Okay baby, we are turning around and heading towards the house...what do you need?"
"Go into my carry-on and look for the envelope addressed to me. It says either Santana or Mami...not sure which right now. It's Ian's suicide note and the lock box. Bring those to me. Please."
"Um...okay wow. Anything else?"
"Yes."
"Ok, anything else."
"Greys...more hot dogs."
"Ok, you got it. I'll be there soon. I love you!"
"I love you too, B!"
While I waited for Britt I got a quick shower and then headed down the hallway to see my son, hoping that holding him would make me feel better. When I entered the room I saw that Sandra sat in her glider holding Isaac while giving him a breathing treatment.
Really? Why now on top of everything else?
He hadn't needed one since he got home.
"Oh no, what happened?"
"I took the boys out for a walk. When we got back Isaac was wheezing and coughing. I didn't want to bother you...so I am taking care of it."
"You don't have to do that San...he's my son."
"And my nephew. You are dealing with your own stuff so that you can be the best and healthiest mom to him. Johnny and I agreed that we would help you look after Isaac while you and Brittany figured your stuff out. I meant it. If this is what it takes for you to get it together without turning to drugs and alcohol then I will do what I can. You would do the same for me, right?"
"Yeah, I would."
"Good...now go wait for Britt. She called me frantic...asking me to check on you. You were in the shower, I see that you are able to walk and not bleeding to death. So go wait for her, she's on her way."
I leaned in and kissed my boy and then kissed my sister on the cheek.
"Ok, Papa, Mami will be back in a little bit. I love you." he opened his drowsy eyes for a second, looked at me with Ian's eyes and then closed them again.
I felt like someone squeezed my heart.
As I walked back to my room I heard screeching tires from outside.
Britt was here.
I waited for her at the top of the stairs. My heart was racing, reminding me of my first high. I tried to take deep breaths but the panic attack was hitting me hard. I held onto the railing and pushed through the pain in my chest. My back was screaming at me to sit but I just closed my eyes and tried humming...something Q had taught me to do. It was beginning to work as I heard sneakers pounding up the stairs and thankfully the blackness that almost claimed me was fading.
"Are you okay?" Britt asked as she looked at me with wild eyes.
I leaned against her chest and began sobbing.
She put the bag of food on the floor and pulled me against her, rubbing at my back until I could breathe again.
Once I got my shit together, I took a step back and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm just feeling overwhelmed."
"I can see that...what's going on?"
"Sal called. Something really bad happened."