Chapter 16: Fool In Love (Rihanna)
After that day at her new place, Britt and I fell into a rhythm when it came to passing Isaac back and forth only this time it was me that was trying to avoid her. I even used Quinn as a go between a few times but I could see that wasn't going to be a viable option for long.
Ever since Q started screwing my sister, there seemed to be a wall between us. Maybe it was me or maybe it was her, all I know is that we talked less and I could clearly see that she was starting to take Britt's side in all of this.
Which, fuck her, was not cool.
But then I had to remember that I had all of my sisters and Britt just had Quinn, since Rachel had practically fallen off the face of the Earth.
Halfway through September, I got called in to see Dr. Cabot through Dr. Ramirez since I had missed my last two appointments. I had taken myself off of bed rest, lying to everyone about getting cleared because I just got tired of having to deal with everyone's concern. Eventually the pain subsided as I got bigger and ate more but my doctor started to worry about me so she called my Lima doctor just to get my attention.
The thing I was conflicted about though was calling Britt about it because unless it had to do with Isaac we just didn't have any other reason to talk. She had her money now and her place, our son was doing better so what was there to discuss really.
I had wanted to move back home weeks ago, right after the incident between us but I ended up going back to Sandra's to hide in obscurity until those times when I was forced to leave.
Now though, Sandra had sent me home because she got tired of my moping, which meant that I was just going to have to confront my ex-wife about sharing more space together.
Only, a distraction had my attention now.
A giant, creepy bearded, baby making, coke snorting distraction.
I accepted a call from Rikers and was greeted by Marco's voice after a few moments.
"What?" I asked.
"Come see me."
"Why?"
"To check in. I just want to make sure you're okay, I know you haven't gone to any of your appointments in the last few weeks."
"Are you fucking kidding me, Marco? How would you know that?"
"You know why, how could I not be curious when you're carrying my baby, Anita."
"Be real with me, there's no price or anything on me, right?"
"No, nothing like that...I just have eyes and ears everywhere and well, I know you haven't been going to the doctor, I want to make sure you're taking care of yourself."
"I have an appointment tomorrow, okay, so relax."
"Come see me anyway, please?"
"Fine. I guess I can come today. Britt has Isaac tonight so, I can come now."
"Great!"
"I mean who wouldn't want to go visit their psychotic ex-husband in prison on a Friday afternoon?"
"You're in a mood, is it because of you and Britt finally being separated for real?"
"I'm not having that talk with you, if you want to talk about my relationship with Brittany, then I'm not coming." I threatened even though I was already fixing my hair and make-up, I liked to make people remember what they were missing and lately, I'd been doing a whole lot of that. On the occasions when I've had to do the hand off with Britt myself, I always catch her checking me out. I always know that if she could get me back on her kitchen counter, I'd be there writhing and shit like a whore.
No thanks.
"Just come, I'll see you soon, Princesa."
That name still made a chill go through me, he meant business and I guess B was right, I would forever be his puppet if I didn't stop answering his every beck and call but what choice did I have? History had shown me that not answering Marco has only made things worse.
As I left, I was happy that I was in my own house and that Quinn wasn't there for me to answer to. Britt had taken Isaac back to her apartment since she wouldn't be here on her days now that I was home. I didn't even put up a fight because I knew where she lived, how she lived, and that if need be, I could get into her apartment because I had insisted that if she had keys to this house, I needed have keys to her place, so I felt okay letting my son go with her.
Her apartment was a three block walk from the house and if there was an emergency I could get there.
Britt had started sharing things that could affect me, like that Isaac had a cough or how she did and wasn't sure if she should be around him.
Letting each other know when something came up that might affect the custody agreement was our way of being cordial.
So now that I had Marco beating down my door and the impending appointment for a kid she had called a bastard with one breath but then called her baby with the next, I wasn't sure how much to divulge.
But we had a system for a reason.
If I was going off alone outside of Sandra's or the Upper West Side, I let someone know...namely, Britt.
Today was no exception.
Hey sis, Heading to Rikers, I've been summoned-Ana
Hey B, Going to see Marco, he NEEDS to see me for some reason.-Ana
Call me when you get there and when you leave!-Sandra
OK-B
Will do!-Ana
You okay, B?-Ana
Good. Be safe. Are you driving?-Sandra
I'm fine. Have fun!-B
Are you busy tomorrow, B?-Ana
Bringin Izzy to u at 12 then dncng w/ Tony-B
I have a baby doc appt tomorrow at 10. Come with?-Ana
OK. I'll come early. C if Q can watch Izzy?-B
Sounds like a plan, leaving now.-Ana
Fine. Bye.-B
Hello?-Sandra
I was fuming with Britt's whole deal but I didn't have time for that now.
Even now she was jealous?
So much for being upfront with her, see if that happens again!
Yes, I'm driving. I'll call you when I get there-Ana
I ended up texting Sandra when I got to Rikers instead of calling her because I didn't need to analyze the reason that I was being summoned. Marco called and I was answering, simple as that.
But then I saw him.
Clean shaven, fresh haircut and a pristine smile on his face...looking like snake oil salesman.
"Hey Princesa, look at you...you're glowing. Come, let me feel."
I wish I could have blamed my non-existent nausea or a headache for why I couldn't but I was as healthy as a horse these days. He smiled so genuinely when he pressed his hand against my stomach and received a kick in return.
"Don't get the baby riled up, once it goes, it does NOT stop."
"You don't know what it is yet?"
"I want to be surprised. I've been trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible."
"That's beautiful, even though I'm positive that it's a girl."
"Just my luck, a mini-me. The world will never be the same."
"Sure won't."
He moved his hand from my stomach to my wrist, he ran his thumb lightly over the fading scar that still remained from punching that mirror ages ago.
"Thank you for doing this." His one hand still rested on my stomach, caressing lightly. "You are a great mother and I see the love you are giving her already, eating and staying away from blow. I'm proud. Nico would be proud."
I pulled away then and turned my back as I went to head to the other side of the table but I hesitated as I felt the sting of losing Nico and by default, Carmen.
He wasn't cuffed and I should have known better than to turn my back to him, history had taught me better.
Marco hovered behind me, his thumb brushing that place on my neck that still turned me to putty.
I closed my eyes and gave into his touch.
His lips and teeth were on my neck nipping and then he was whispering so lightly.
"Where is she?"
"Hmmm?"
"Carmen, she's a ghost, where is she?"
"I don't know." I muttered and then his thumb was pressing harder, reminding me of the bastard that he was as he created an ache. "Fuck, please don't...no one will tell me."
"Smart of them. She knows about everything, Princesa. She knows where the body is buried and I don't want to have to put her down. So if you know where she is, you tell her that she better stay a ghost or else."
I turned from him and shoved him back, knowing that he wouldn't hurt me when I was carrying his precious baby.
But his mind cataloged things, I wouldn't push my luck.
"I told you, I don't know. She disappeared in the night and I haven't heard from her in the weeks since. I miss her and I need her but she's gone. If you had anything to do with this...you asshole...you can't expect me to trust you if you show your ugly side the moment I let my guard down."
He looked into my eyes and then deflated, knowing that I was being honest with him.
"Sorry about that, Ana, old habits and desperation make me crazy."
I moved to the other side of the table and put my hands in my lap.
"Sit down or I swear I'll never come back here and I won't let you touch me again...you want me to tell your baby good things about you then you be a good man. You promised that you would try...are you breaking that promise that you swore on your mother?"
He froze and swallowed, he looked like a little boy as he shook his head.
"No, I will honor my promise." Then finally, he sat and placed his hands on the table, it wasn't until that moment that I felt some of my terror ease.
The devil isn't ugly. I had lots of pretty devils in my life. Ian's words came back to me as I stared at Marco and put my guard up, more prepared to play his game.
"Good. Then I will honor mine."
I got home late, after leaving Rikers I drove around for a while trying to get my head together...then I stopped at NYU to see Ari.
She was in class but promised that she'd make time for me this weekend.
My head was aching and my stomach was growling, as I parked my car.
When I finally stumbled into the house around 11 pm, thinking that I'd have no one to deal with but Quinn, I was blatantly wrong.
I walked into the dark kitchen, feeling unsteady as I dropped my keys onto the hook, before making my way to the fridge for a bottle of water.
"Where have you been?" I turned around and saw Britt and Q sitting there in the breakfast nook, illuminated by the light of their phones.
"Whasgoinon?" I slurred and then I cleared my throat and tried again. "What's going on?"
"Answer Britt's question, San." Q said, her face like stone and then the kitchen door swung open and in walked Celia.
I turned away and grabbed a bottle of water before moving over to the cabinets and grabbing chips before leaning back against the counter and chowing down. I had skipped dinner and knew if I went to bed hungry, I'd pay for it in the morning.
After I had swallowed some food and water, I finally answered.
"Went to see Marco." I muttered.
Celia's phone rang and she answered it on speaker.
"Yeah?"
"Did you find her?"
"I'm looking at her right now, she just got home."
"How is she?"
"Not sure."
"Can she hear me?"
I shook my head and swallowed my food.
"Yeah but I don't think she wants to talk to you."
"Tough shit, Santana what did we discuss about the penthouse?"
I felt that anxiety that used to hit me when I was caught out. It'd been too long since I had felt that.
"Not too." I mumbled.
"I have cameras in that elevator, I know you went there...tell me why?"
"Escape." I said back and then I let out a sigh knowing how I probably looked. "Look, I know what you're all thinking. I have no coke on me or in me. Seeing Marco triggered me, made me emotional...I'm tired. I just need some sleep." With that I went to leave the kitchen but Celia was blocking the way. "Move." She stayed still. "I'm fucking begging you. Move, Ceily. Please?" I gave her my best pout and she moved to the side.
Once I was out of the kitchen, I made my way to the stairs and began to climb them slowly. My big stomach was starting to block my view of the stairs so I knew that I needed to be careful.
I felt a hand on my lower back halfway up the steps.
The touch was one I'd know anywhere.
"You stink." She said and then continued to help me climb up. "Shower?" She said as we made it to the top.
It had been ages since we had been up here alone together.
She looked at me with concern but not anger.
"Yeah. Okay."
Britt's nostrils flared as she undressed me, looking in my glassy eyes and biting her lip in response. She may have been an entitled brat lately but she was putty when I was weak and needed her guidance.
It was her kryptonite.
She was quiet as she stood there, in the shower, waiting for me to join her but I had to put my hair up first. I had spent half the morning straightening it and I didn't want to have to do that again. She knew though, that this is what you get when you aren't with a white girl. So she just stood there watching as I wrapped my hair up and then put on a shower cap.
When I turned towards her, my eyes bloodshot and my body feeling super heavy, she was smirking at me.
"You're beautiful." She said and I felt the heat in my cheeks.
I stepped into the shower, her hand was held out for me just in case I needed help but I had to keep doing things on my own. I was five months and I was still relatively small in comparison to a lot of other women but for me, I felt like a house.
"Thanks, B."
She slid the shower curtain closed and then began to soap up my loofah while humming.
I waited patiently for her to say something as she looked down at the soapy thing in her hands but she didn't. She began with my arms and then my breasts that were crazy sore, when I hissed she was gentle and I allowed myself to imagine that this was our daily routine and we weren't at odds, nearly hating each other.
Then she pressed her lips to my belly and pressed her fingers down a few times to get the baby to kick. She smiled really big and then finally our eyes met.
"I know you're not high." She said and I nodded.
"But you're something...what is it?"
"Sad...that's it."
"Why do you smell like smoke?"
"Oh...I was um...don't think it's crazy okay...please?"
"Have you met me? How could I think like that?"
"True, you're still my Britt Britt under everything, right?"
"Everything?" She tilted her head and I knew I had to tread lightly.
"The um...anger."
Her face fell and she nodded.
"Yeah."
"I went to the penthouse to see if I could find Marco's books and then I went to Carmen and Nico's house to do the same, since it's not a crime scene it was practically untouched and then I may have set a fire."
"What?!"
"It was a small one, out by the Hudson with the hobos. The smoke irritated my eyes and I'd already been crying, so I'm just a little disoriented...no big deal."
"Santana!" She scolded.
"I know it was dangerous but Marco asked me to do this one last thing for him and I couldn't say no. Could I?"
She was angry again but she didn't say anything mean, instead she just continued to wash me.
"Turn around."
So I did and once my back was to her, I noticed she hadn't touched me right away.
"B?"
"Were you alone with him?"
"Who?"
"Don't play dumb with me, you were alone with Marco?"
"Um. Yeah, why?"
"You let him touch you."
"It was NOT a conjugal visit if that's what you think."
"There's a hickey on your neck, Santana and a bruise right here." She brushed her finger over where Marco had and I moaned. "This kind of thing." She stroked a little harder on that spot and I had to reach out for the shower bar to remain steady as I let my head droop. "Is why I'm mad at you...this. You don't belong to me, you never did for as long as he's been around."
"Always and only you, B."
She scoffed and then proceeded to scrub my back and ass, then my legs before giving me a gentle shove under the water.
I thought she'd leave me there so she could go stew in her anger but she stayed, instead she just washed herself and then helped me out of the shower.
Still no words were exchanged.
And then, when my guard started to drop as we got dressed for bed, she hit me with it.
"I'm gonna sleep in the office, I came here because it made sense to just leave together in the morning and you were gone. Q agreed to watch Izzy tomorrow, so I'm good to go with you. After that, I think we should go back to how things have been and I don't think it's smart for me to be a Mama to this new baby...his baby."
"What are you saying, B?"
"That when it comes to that baby, you're on your own."
I was stunned as I sat in there sobbing my heart out. She left for the office and I just sat there feeling unhinged.
Right then, I knew that I shouldn't be alone, so that night, I made my second visit up to the third floor after that bomb drop had me shaking.
I knocked hesitantly, not sure if Celia was still here.
But when Q opened the door, she had zit cream on her face and was in her ugliest set of pajamas.
"I take it my sister left?" I croaked.
"That's rude." She said with a lisp because she had her retainer in.
"Can I sleep in here tonight?"
She sighed but didn't move.
"Did you stay sober tonight?"
I looked her in the eyes and nodded.
"As a nun."
"Nuns drink."
"Well then sober as whoever the soberest person in the world is...the Dali Lama maybe?"
"Probably, come on in."
I slid into Q's cool sheets beside her and she became the big spoon, holding me tight against her and resting her chin on top of my head.
"I missed this...what happened to us, Q?"
"You are the busiest non-working person in the world, S. Drifting is bound to happen now that I'm in school."
"We can do better."
"I hope so. Tell me what's bothering you."
"She doesn't want this baby...I just...it feels like she's rejecting me too."
"Can you blame her?"
"I...would you...if the tables were turned and you were my wife...would you deny this baby?"
"Of course not but I'm not your wife and Britt has been off her meds for a really long time. She's not herself and frankly, neither are you. What were you thinking tonight? Setting fires?"
"She told you?"
"Not the baby denying part but the what you were up to part."
"I committed a felony today by destroying evidence and it wouldn't be the first time."
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Because I'm me."
"Should I worry?"
"No. I have never felt more like myself than I do right now. She just can't handle me like this...not while she's not level."
"So what are you going to do about it because let me tell you, being in the middle has been nearly impossible."
"I'm sorry, Q."
"It's fine, at least I can escape to Brooklyn but that's a long way to commute for class. So figure it out or next semester, I'm moving on campus. I didn't agree to move into this house for all of this. I came because you begged me to but I never see you anymore. You don't talk to me...not like this. I am glad you are finding yourself but can you do that without losing me in the process?"
"You're right, I'll do better."
"Good, now be quiet. I have a hot date with your son tomorrow...I want to be ready for him!"
I woke up to Quinn getting dressed. She was topless as she did her makeup and I let out a low whistle.
She glared at me through her mirror and then stuck out her tongue before grabbing a random shirt and pulling it over her head. There was a knock at the door and then Britt was poking her head in.
"Oh thank God...what are you doing up here?" She asked me and then looked over at Q.
"I didn't want to sleep alone, Q let me cuddle with her."
"You snore like a boar, I spent most of the night with a pillow over my head." Quinn said as she began spiking her hair.
"I do not snore." I hurled a pillow at her but it fell at her feet and she snickered.
Britt chuckled and then opened the door wider, revealing that she had the baby strapped to her chest.
I rolled out of bed, feeling like a parade float at this point.
"Your mom called, you didn't answer so she called me. I may have told her about the divorce and the shooting...she didn't know?"
I slapped my hand to my head.
"Shit, no. She's not going to let me live this down now." I got out of the bed and pulled Q into a tight hug, not allowing myself to forget, even for a second what I stood to lose if I let her pull away from me and become the ice queen again. "Thank you for holding me last night, Q." And then Britt be damned. I pulled away and looked into her eyes, then I pressed my lips to hers quickly.
Her eyes were wide as she looked over at Britt but she wasn't even paying attention to us, she was busy wiping spit-up off Isaac.
"I love you...go call your mom. Are you going to be staying here tonight or going up to Sandra's?"
"Staying here."
"Awesome, movie night?"
"Definitely."
"Great! Hand me my baby, B...we have a date planned." Q said.
Britt unstrapped Isaac and handed him to me first. I kissed his face and gave him a deep sniff before handing him off to Q.
Once Quinn was gone, Britt let her guard down while I got ready for my appointment. I had already gotten a text from Dr. Ramirez reminding me to show up or she'd go tell Mami. Knowing her though, she probably already did and that's why Mami had called in the first place.
I was wearing a really nice sundress that went down to my ankles, a la Quinn Fabray... since it was her dress. I looked stunning in it and was working on my makeup when Britt sat on the edge of the bed and huffed until I acknowledged her with a raised brow.
"You can't keep kissing her like that, she's with your sister now."
"It's not sexual, B." She rolled her eyes.
"Just stop doing it, Q looked uncomfortable. You aren't in Lima anymore."
"Does it really bother you that much?"
"I don't care what you do anymore."
"You've made that obvious...since Isaac is out for the day and it's not your day, you can go."
"You asked me to go to your appointment with you, so I'm going."
I put down my eye pencil and took a deep breath before turning to look at her.
"I asked you to go before you decided to not be a parent to this baby. You're off the hook, B. Go home."
She stood to her feet and stepped into my personal space, her hands coming to my stomach and she pressed her lips to the hickey that I had covered up.
"I was just mad that you let him get so close to you and you've been keeping me at a distance...since that day at my place."
"You made me feel like a whore, B." I took a step back and waited for eyes to shift into that anger that she'd been showing me for so long.
And there it was.
"Aren't you...just a little?"
"If I am, I learned it from you."
I pushed at her shoulders just enough to get her to take a step back but I must have hit her still healing shoulder because she hissed.
"What the fuck, Santana?!"
I watched it in slow motion, the way her hand raised and I reached up and gripped her wrist. Holding it there before she could strike.
"Take your meds, B."
She snatched her hand away and stormed from the room.
This couldn't be how we worked now.
I loved her and I knew somewhere under all her shit, she loved me too but I wasn't going to stand to be anyone's punching bag.
Not again.
Fuck that.
We didn't speak the whole way to the doctor's office. Britt sat in the waiting room anxiously while they took me back for my vitals. When I came back, she was texting furiously on her phone.
"Can you not be on your phone right now?" I asked quietly.
"You can't tell me what to do anymore." She grumbled and then went back to her phone.
I don't know what came over me but I snatched the phone from her hand.
"Maybe not but I pay for this fucking phone and I gave you an out to not be here but here you are so the least you could do was stay off your fucking phone."
"Always about the damned money!" She snatched it back and then moved two seats over.
The receptionists were watching us and I didn't feel like causing any more of a scene, so I just closed my eyes and pulled my rosary out from beneath my dress. I quietly prayed the rosary. Trying to get my head and body to be calm since they'd be taking my blood pressure and God knows I didn't want to be back on that high blood pressure diet that I was on last year.
"Santana Lopez?" I stood to my feet and then glanced over at B.
"You coming?" I asked and she shoved her phone in her pocket and stood to her feet.
She took her time stretching before taking my outstretched hand.
My irritation was climbing the longer this day went and I knew that bringing her here was a gigantic mistake.
But now was not the time to pick a fight.
We walked into the exam room and I headed into the bathroom with my dressing gown and changed. When I caught my reflection, I looked paler than I would have liked. I badly needed a spray tan. When I walked into the exam room, I expected Britt to be back on her phone but she was looking at the charts on the wall.
"Hey, B. Sorry I took your phone." I said, trying to extend an olive branch.
"It's whatever, I should have expected it."
"What's do y-" I took a deep breath instead and climbed up onto the exam table, draping the paper sheet over my lap. I was straightening it, trying to ignore the scowl on Britt's face as she stared out the window.
"Why are you so pissy, B? You insisted on coming, remember?" she looked at me suddenly and scowled.
"I don't think being around you like this is helping me fix whatever is broken between us."
"You know what, B...I agree but we wanted to be good co-parents for Isaac and that starts with us at least being friends."
"Yeah, well I don't know how to do that when you avoid me and my apartment, you keep lying to me about things. I could see it in your eyes last night that you were still hiding something from me."
"You're being paranoid. I was being honest with you last night."
"I don't believe that for a second."
"Did you take your meds?"
"Yes because I knew it'd be easier to deal with you." I ignored the jab and focused on what I could handle.
"All of them?"
"I'm out of Lithium, I ran out a while ago and haven't refilled it...I'm trying to stay off them."
"Why didn't you say anything? We have to refill it today, you once told me that you didn't want to be around Isaac unless you were level and more and more I can see that you are so far from level."
"You call it level, I call it dopey and stupid. I'm the same person on and off them."
"Are you fucking joking?" I snapped.
Dr. Cabot chose that moment filled with tension and angst to walk in.
I was thankful for the distraction but knew that I wasn't finished with Britt. Not by a long shot.
"Santana Lopez you look stunning and healthy! When you stopped coming in, I was worried that you'd drop weight and be sick like your chart signaled from your last pregnancy but I am pleasantly surprised. Come on over here and climb on this scale for me."
I hopped down from the table and immediately felt B steadying me as I landed. The united front was back, maybe one of those pills was doing something...but I needed her back full force. I was tired of the bullshit.
I held onto the crunchy gown that I was wearing and stepped up onto the scale.
"Whoa, mama! You have exceeded my expectations Santana. 133 pounds. Good job." I shook off the feeling of disgust. I had gained a lot of weight and when you go from having an eating disorder to putting on thirty pounds, its a killer.
I returned back to the table, where Britt helped me back up. I smiled a thanks and then turned to Dr. Cabot who immediately began checking my blood pressure and heart rate. She was in a fabulous mood and I liked it. Maybe all the previous crabbiness had just been at seeing me so small and not taking proper care of myself.
"Everything is great, your blood pressure is slightly high but not obscenely. Have you been under any added stress?"
I glanced over at Britt and then back at the doctor. "A little."
"Hmm, well keep it at just a little. How are you on pain?"
"Nothing beyond the normal. I've been okay...a little shaky, sometimes."
"Have you been eating a lot of green vegetables?"
"Not really."
"Let's try that and I'm going to prescribe a prenatal with added iron, you're a little low. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Any spotting?"
"No."
"Great. Lie back and let's check out this baby. "
I hated the exam part, I always felt violated by that damn wand. She spread the jelly on my stomach and then began to roll that contraption on my stomach. The baby's heart beat filled the room and I couldn't help but smile and neither could Britt.
She was weakening on this whole stance of not being a Mama to this baby but I was going to make her work to take those words back because I would not have her treating this baby like shit compared to Isaac.
"So when can we find out the sex?" Britt asked Dr. Cabot
"Now, if you'd like." I looked at B and then at the doctor. I hadn't wanted to know but with Marco being adamant about the sex, I had to know.
"Yes." I said and then Britt scooted closer.
Dr. Cabot continued to scan me and then checked her notes for my blood work before smiling.
"It's a girl."
"Who runs the world?" Britt mumbled next to my ear and I felt warmth go through me at her joke. Marco had been right, a freaking girl. God help me.
"How am I looking, doc?" I asked.
The heartbeat bumped through the speaker and sounded great. I loved to hear the sound. I watched the screen and could see the little flutter as she moved around in there. It was amazing that I felt so connected to that piece of life that I was creating. I looked over at Britt and could see her tearing up like she was in love.
Where the fuck was this version of her last night when she was tearing my heart from my chest?
Dr. Cabot removed the gross stuff and allowed me to wipe off my stomach. I sat up and hung my feet over the side.
"Everything is right on track, your urine came back clean, so that's great. Keep that up. I'm officially revoking your bed rest. You are off restriction with the caveat that if you slip up with taking care of yourself that you will end up right back on it, so it's your choice."
"So I can carry Isaac now?"
"Not that you haven't and forget about bed rest, you've been back and forth, breaking rules and shit." Britt mumbled, so not a united front! Dr. Cabot shot B a look and then looked at me. I glared at Britt and then smiled at Dr. Cabot.
"Ignore her, she's grumpy." I said but Dr. Cabot had heard B loud and clear.
"Violating my orders, are you?"
"You said two weeks of bed rest but it's been much longer, so I figured it was fine."
"Obviously you were right, Mom tends to know best but in the future let's keep ignoring my orders to a minimum."
"Yes, doc."
"Now that you're properly scolded, you can feel free to carry him whenever you want. Just be cautious, if you start to feel faint, avoid stairs and hand him off to his other Mama."
"Okay."
"I want to see you in another five weeks. You will have hit six months by then. Let's shoot for a five pound weight gain. Since you are off bed rest I want you walking more."
"You got it."
"Okay, ladies, take care of yourselves and call me with any questions or issues. Try not to be a ghost, got it?"
"Got it. See you in five weeks."
When we were alone I got dressed quietly. I was so angry with her that I was beyond words, it was time to fix a grievous error on her part. She was being irrational and wasn't thinking straight.
Be cool, Lopez.
"Hungry B?" she seemed shocked that I didn't snap at her. She stood there a second before nodding her head. "I'm craving Chinese...sound good?"
"Yes."
I reached out for her hand and didn't say another word as we headed down to the parking garage. She was trapped inside her own head as I held onto her and walked happily as if I didn't have a care in the world. I knew that I was throwing her for a loop but I was just biding my time. I was upset but I wasn't going to allow my blood pressure to shoot through the roof because of Britt.
When we got down to street level I saw a big chain pharmacy and got even more excited because I knew for a fact that they had Britt's prescription on file. Good, we would take care of it before anything else.
Instead of walking into the parking garage I pulled her to the corner and waited for the light to change.
"Where are we going?" she asked as we walked across the street in the opposite direction of the car.
"To the pharmacy." I pulled her through all the people and then straight into the store.
"You really want to do this right now?"
"Oh yes, no time like the present, to handle a big error in judgement." I said as we went to the back counter. She tried to walk up to the counter alone but I walked with her, just to make sure that she got the proper medication.
We stood at the counter together and this squirrel of a man came up to us.
"Can I help you ladies?"
"Yes my wife needs a three month supply of her lithium she keeps forgetting to take it." I said cheerfully.
He nodded and turned to his computer.
"Name?"
She kept her eyes down as she spoke, I could tell that she was embarrassed and while that hadn't been my intention, it seemed like a necessary process. I honestly never thought that she was ashamed of this in front of the pharmacist, I mean he sees people with issues everyday.
"Brittany S. Pierce."
"Birth date?"
"October 31st, 1994."
"Okay, I have it. It will take about ten minutes. Have a seat."
"Thanks." she mumbled without looking up.
I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the counter and noticed that she was fighting tears.
"I didn't mean to embarrass you Britt Britt."
"It's fine." she whispered as she grabbed a basket. "Let's get your craving stuff since we are here." she mumbled.
She started walking ahead of me but I held her hand tight so she couldn't go very far. "B? Please...I'm sorry." I hated seeing her like this, I was mad but I never wanted to be an asshole to her.
"Santana...please...just forget it okay?" she snapped at me. She had moved from sad to angry so fast that I dropped her hand and took a step back from her.
I walked ahead of her and began to grabbing stuff that I had been craving like chips and crackers with cheese and tried to ignore the hurt that we kept causing each other. I kept throwing things in the basket and it was filled up in no time.
After about a minute of her attitude, I walked off and called Mami, who was thankfully preoccupied with work and kept the convo brief.
Basically, she had a huge case load and couldn't be here for me like she wanted. After kinda suggesting it but making her feel like she came up with it, she asked me to visit her and to bring Isaac, it didn't seem like a huge ask for her because she didn't know how bad things had gotten. I needed this trip and she had given me the out I had wanted. Besides, I knew that with her job, Britt couldn't just drop everything and go back to Lima.
She was also super angry and petty right now, there was no way she wouldn't put up a fight over taking Isaac.
I just had to find the right moment which meant, I had to play nice.
We headed back to the pharmacy section and I spotted a little plastic pill counter with the days written out. I grabbed two of them and put them in the basket and then I went in search of my vitamins. Britt looked at me and sighed heavily before she went and sat by the pharmacy with the basket and waited for me. Normally at times like this she would be texting but she was being nice I guess, so instead she was popping her gum.
Annoying as fuck but I was going to let it be...she was hurt and so was I. No need to make it worse.
The pharmacist called us over and I paid for everything including a bottle of water. I held my hand out to Britt and she stood there staring at my hand a full minute before she took it.
I knew she was mad at me and I didn't want to push her. I had overstepped, but unlike how we'd been recently, a part of her was letting me do it, maybe because I was holding her to her word. She promised to be level for Isaac and that's not what was happening.
When we climbed in the car I rummaged through the bag and dug out two pills. I handed them to B with the bottle of water. She looked away from me and then back down at her open palm. She quickly tossed the pills back and then swallowed a huge gulp of water. I then grabbed a vitamin and did the same thing.
"Do you still want to eat?" she mumbled. "I think I lost my appetite." she admitted.
"We can just go back to the house and order in, I think today was hard on us both."
"Yeah. Okay."
As we drove the three miles I watched as her face lost the anguish and gradually calmed down, she became a Brittany that I hadn't seen in forever. That's the effect the medicine has. That's why I push her to take them.
I waited for the garage door to close and then I turned to B.
"We need to talk about this breakdown between us...and something that I think might help, okay?"
"Isn't that all we do? We keep talking and talking but nothing gets said." she said as she looked me in the eyes. There was still some hurt in her eyes but the anger was gone.
"Yes but this kind of talk is different. I would love it if we could go upstairs and you could fuck me, B...but not like a whore...like the woman I know you still love." I said feeling shy. Her face brightened up.
"Really?"
"Yes. We can do whatever you want just as long as you treat me like you used to." I needed to give her some of her control back before I yanked the rug from under her feet.
"Why all of a sudden, I thought you wanted to keep things between us separated?"
"I know that I keep giving you mixed signals but for me, the divorce wasn't because we hated each other. It was out of necessity so that we could get our lives together, separately. We haven't been doing that, I think we need a way to reconnect first and this might help."
"You still want me, even though I've been...you know, crazy?"
"I always want you B, I've missed you and we rarely have a minute alone. We need to reconnect, in the first way that we learned how."
"Okay." Her face lit up and she happily took my hand.
Britt pulled my dress over my head and then unclasped my bra. I stood there watching her take complete control and felt chills running up and down my spine. She held my breasts firmly in her hands and massaged them a little too roughly, but when I hissed out she smiled. I moaned as I leaned up to kiss her but she leaned back and shook her head, rejecting me.
I couldn't hold in my frustrated groan because I so wanted to just throw her down and straddle her face and be done with it but this wasn't about me. Britt ran her hands over my stomach and then she pushed my panties to the floor. I stood in front of her completely exposed and looked up at her with an open expression, begging her to take me.
"You are so beautiful Ana."
"So are you B but do I get to see you?" It didn't escape my notice that while she stripped me bare she still remained fully clothed, jacket and all.
"Patience Amor." she said as she captured my lips in a bruising kiss. I was breathless as she stepped back from me and then headed into the bathroom. I froze and felt the chills actually cause me to tremble.
I took slow deep breaths and then reached back and let down my ponytail and allowed my hair to caress my shoulders, that's how B loved it best and this was about her.
Right?
Britt finally came out of the bathroom with her long hair trailing down her back wearing nothing but the strap on. I felt my body tense as she stepped up close to me and began to kiss me again. I could feel the thing poking at my baby bump and felt a little bit queasy but wasn't sure if it was me or the baby. I forced a smile as she led me onto my back on the bed and then began to kiss me hard when we broke for air I looked up in her eyes and all traces of hurt and anger had disappeared, replaced by emotions that I couldn't quite trace but that I hoped were good, loving ones.
I could feel her pressing against my entrance and tried to relax, knowing that if I remained tense that this would hurt. It had been a while and I was nervous so it took me a moment to convince my body to stop tensing. Britt finally noticed.
"Just relax Ana." she whispered. I took a deep breath swallowed and then looked at her, with what I hope was a loving glance. "Are you ready?" she was watching my face closely and waiting for my answer. I smiled and nodded. Without a seconds hesitation after that, she slid fully into me.
"Britt!" I moaned out, feeling the pain rip through me but disguising it as pleasure. I looked up at her and tried to find the love behind her lustful eyes.
She smiled and kissed me deeply as she continued to thrust into me hard and fast. She lifted my legs, resting them on her shoulders and then shoved a pillow underneath my ass. I couldn't really see her eyes now and that scared me but then I could see that she was nervous about squishing the baby.
After propping me up she held my waist tightly and began thrusting harder, pain was replaced with pleasure and all the heaviness that had existed in the last month drifted away. It was just the two of us grunting and moaning.
"Oh God! Britt I'm cumming! Fuck!" My body was vibrating and my hips were jerking as I felt my whole body tighten up and I reached the brink of bliss. I came back to back to back. She continued to thrust into me but slower this time. I couldn't keep track of the amount of times that I came as she rubbed furiously at my clit. I was definitely going to be sore by the end of it but when I looked at her I could see that her confidence had returned.
I was happy to see that Britt finally came after my fourth or ninth orgasm. She stayed there inside of me as she knelt in front of me so that she could hover above my face. She bent her body so that she wasn't leaning heavily on my stomach but was still touching it.
"Are you okay, Ana? Do you want more?"
"I don't think that can't take anymore." I whispered, since my voice was almost completely gone. She smiled, shit like that pumped up her ego big time, it pumped up Marco's so I wasn't surprised it worked on her.
She had conquered me, which I guess is a feat? I didn't think too hard about it since she was still completely inside of me. I looked up at her and smiled. Whatever it takes to fix this.
"Okay...I'll go slow?" she wanted to cum again. So I just gave in. I was so tired as she held me tighter until she finally came. She pulled out of me and laid down and hummed softly as she held my trembling body against her own and kissed me every few seconds. I brushed her hair out of her face and looked into her eyes.
"That's was amazing Britt Britt."
"Thanks for that Ana."
"I missed this version of you." I whispered and kissed her nose.
"I miss us too, so much. I hate these pills but if taking them helps us get back to the good stuff, I'll do it. I changed my mind about this baby too. She's our little girl. Please let me be there for you?"
"B, it can't be that simple. I need to know you're serious, I can't take the heartbreaking feeling of you rejecting her like last night."
"It won't happen again."
"I'm happy that you made love to me. It was just what I needed." I said, changing the subject.
"And you wanted me to feel better, admit it!" she said grinning.
"Ok, fine...you caught me." I said as I kissed her lips again.
"I knew it! You can try to make me feel better any time."
"Sometimes you are such a guy, Britt."
"But you like it...right...I mean I know you're a lesbian and that I'm the bi one...but you like it like that right?" She suddenly looked insecure.
"If I didn't like it on some level...I wouldn't be pregnant again...right?" I cringed as I unwittingly brought Marco back to the forefront but there was no storm in her eyes and I knew this was my chance.
"I guess you're right." She giggled and was still smiling, the anger was gone. Just my Britt Britt, definitely the right time.
"While we are on good terms, I need to ask you for a favor, B."
"Okay?"
"I want to fly to Lima to visit Mami before I can't fly anymore and I want to take Isaac with me."
Her eyebrow raised.
"Okay...when?"
"Well first, I'd have to take him to the doctor and make sure he can fly but I was thinking Monday, we'd go for two weeks. That would give his lungs time to rest between flights."
"And what about our arrangement?"
"Right, um...how about when we get back you can have him for two weeks straight...and while I'm Lima, I can take him to see your parents."
"Just two weeks?"
"Yes."
"Why do you want to do this all of a sudden?"
"I called Mami back when we were at the store and she misses us. She can't fly right now and it sounds like she's working herself into the ground. With her heart like it is, I worry that she isn't taking care of herself and I'm all she really has. Now that Celia is in New York, there's no one really checking in on Mami."
She leaned in and kissed me hard, then brought a hand to my belly.
"And you'll go see Dr. Ramirez when you're there, to make sure the flight wasn't too hard on our little Princess, right?"
Princess...Princesa...I was nauseous.
"Right. I can do that, Dr. Cabot would totally be down with it too."
"Okay but that means, I'm taking Izzy tonight and tomorrow. You can't have Sunday and then two weeks...it's not fair."
"Makes sense. Thanks, B."
"You know how I'd like to be thanked, for realz?" She joked.
"How?"
"You on all fours."
I groaned as I got up, trading sex for favors was a game I could play without a second thought...this was no different.
"Say less, Daddy." I smirked and she actually growled.
And I'm the horn dog!
By the time that Q got home, she was walking into an alternate dimension. Britt had fucked me for hours, only stopping so we could eat and take a quick nap before going at it again. I had a new hickey to cover up that rivaled the tiny one that Marco had left and my body was deliciously sore.
When Q pushed the door open, we were cuddled up on the couch, sharing a bucket of fried chicken and watching Cupcake Wars.
Quinn blinked a few times and then she smiled.
"This is a welcome sight, maybe I should take Isaac for more dates."
I winked at her and then reached our for my little guy.
"Gimme the kid, Q."
"He's asleep."
"I don't care, I want snuggles."
"She's emotional about this cupcake lady making the best design and getting cut, just give her the baby before she cries." B said and I nodded with my lip poked out until Quinn had relinquished my sleeping baby into my arms.
I cradled him against my chest and kissed his face over and over.
And then I saw that his hair wasn't his usual bushy little fro, it was slicked and combed.
Quinn had been tiptoeing up the stairs but I wasn't having it.
"What did you do to my baby, Lucy?" She cringed and then turned around with a smirk.
"It's just baby-safe hair gel, I wanted to see what he'd look like with his hair actually styled. He's handsome isn't he?"
"No, he looks like a dork." I muttered softly ruffling his hair back into his beloved curls.
"That's mean." Britt said, wagging her finger at me.
"Sorry, B."
"Okay, obviously I'm sleep deprived, what is going on with you two. Did you fuck or something?"
I covered Isaac's ears.
"Language Lucy, if we did F-U-C-K, it's none of your business."
"It is, if it means that I need to restock my earplugs!."
Before I could answer, Britt cut in.
"I took my meds today and we had a real talk. It's not perfect but we're working on it."
"Yeah, you two definitely did it," She threw up her hands though, "but hey, if this is the byproduct...I can't be mad at it."
My phone buzzed and I could see it was an unknown caller, which meant only one thing.
"Take him, B...I need to get this."
She looked hurt all of a sudden but took Isaac without argument.
I answered the phone as I walked out of the living room and locked myself in the guest room.
Please God, don't let our truce fall apart before I get out of New York.
Lord knows I need everything to go as planned and so much of that meant that B wouldn't put up much fuss.
Me traveling alone while this far into my pregnancy sent up red flags for those who pay attention to those sorts of things, but me traveling back home with my son was less of a big deal.
Less noticeable.
I had to keep her happy and unless I wanted to spend the next two days on all fours distracting her, I needed to keep the sneaky shit to a minimum.
As I rested back against the headboard, hoping to God that nothing was fucked up by me answering this call, I accepted the call.
"Hi Princesa." He said, making me go cold.
That name was reserved for when he meant business or when I had fucked up.
"Hi."
"You were seen last night."
"Shit."
"Exactly, let that be the last time you're out running around the city when you should be home taking care of yourself and the baby." Code for, don't be so fucking obvious pendeja. Message received.
"I had my appointment today and you were right." I replied trying to keep this recorded conversation leaning towards normal.
"See God believes in karma, I just hope she is smarter than us both."
"Me too."
"So did she agree...to let you go?"
"Yes, about that, you need to keep these calls to a minimum. She gets jealous."
"She's your ex."
"And so are you the difference is, I'd like to marry her again someday and I can't do that if I'm so visibly tied to you...you get that Daddy-o." Code for, back the fuck off or you're going to get us caught.
"I get that, lo siento, Princesa. I'm glad you get to check in on your mom. I know how sick she got."
"Yeah, she's definitely overdoing it, that's where I get it from."
"Verdad. Okay well, thank you for letting me know it's a girl and thank you for visiting and topping off my commissary."
"You're welcome. I'm gonna go now. Take care of yourself."
"You too, Anita."
I'd been right about her jealousy and I took the lead once we got Isaac bathed and down for the night.
She came into the bedroom, with her slippers on, all ready to go sleep in the office again and I'm sure expected me to be ready for bed too but instead I was naked on all fours, shaking my ass at her.
"More?" She said, closing and locking the door before I heard the jingle of her belt.
"Please, Daddy."
"Is this an apology?"
"Yes." I said before burying my face in the pillows.
Her hand smacked my ass and I groaned, feeling the wetness soaking my legs.
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, Daddy." I groaned as another slap came down.
Forever ago, this wasn't fun for me but now with my hormones raging and me trying to stitch my reality into a better bigger picture, I wanted more. Once I was gone, I was afraid of who she'd become without me checking that she took her pills. I was afraid that taking Isaac away until she got her act together would make her crazier.
But I was praying that it would do some good.
That she'd be my wife again...my love.
I needed this plan to work more than I needed air.
So much had been screwed up and Marco had sworn to me that he'd help me make it right. He told me we'd have to break it completely apart, burn it down to rebuild and I couldn't help but agree. It was probably super stupid to trust him but what choice did I have? If I could make my heart love someone else, God knows that I would but it's just not that simple.
Another smack this time hard enough to jolt me and I was back in that room, back enjoying what she was doing to me.
Then came her pushing that thing inside me again and Q was just going to have to forgive me because the panting that I did after that was loud and harsh. She edged me until I was near tears before she let me have my release.
I passed out in her arms, smelling of sex, apologies and goodbyes.