Chapter 17: My Fault (Imagine Dragons)
In the two weeks, after letting Britt fuck me on that counter, I had sulked at Sandra's but I'd also been digging. Slowly, carefully, and quietly. I learned three major things in my search, my sister has terrible passwords, she has no idea what a paper trail is, and that Carmen was tucked safely away on a military base in Puerto Rico. My first instinct was to go to her but despite what Marco had said about the price on my head being gone, I didn't trust him.
He had eyes and ears everywhere so I needed to not compromise Carmen's well-being like I had Nico's.
My fault.
When I found what I needed, I put things back where I found them, installed a firewall on Sandra's computer, cleared her history and set up password parameters so that she'd be forced to make a better password the next time she got onto her system.
Normal shit.
A few days later when I went to see Marco and he had basically told me that it was him that was out to silence Carmen, I knew that I needed to do something more to protect her.
"Do this one favor for me and I'll let you spend the rest of your pregnancy in peace." He said and I sat there, my neck aching and my stomach rumbling from lack of lunch. I knew right then that this was a golden opportunity to bury Carmen's location.
"What do you need?"
"Go to the penthouse, it's not as cleaned out as it looks. In that fake ass fireplace, you'll find things that might interest you. Take them down to the underpass and burn them."
"That's it?"
"Yes."
"Do you have anything at Nico's house? I know that most people don't know it exists." This was my way of throwing him off my scent. I didn't want to seem too eager though. "I'd like to handle everything at once so I don't need to come back here."
"It doesn't hurt to look but I would be very careful, Princesa. Nico was a ghost and obviously he taught Carmen to be the same but that doesn't mean that his house isn't being watched. It's less than a block from the diner. Use that baby bump to your advantage."
"Okay, anything else?"
"Gladys had a heart attack a few months back, correct?"
"Yes."
"Right now might be a good opportunity to go see her. Check in on your property...you know make sure things are up to par."
"Britt's not going to let me go, I can tell you that now."
"She will if you appeal to her soft side. I know she's acting loca but you have your ways, Anita. You know how to make a person drop their guard and give you what you want. If you could charm me, then you can charm her."
"Fine."
"You should do things as soon as possible...the longer you linger the more you stink."
I'd left Rikers and gone to Carmen and Nico's first because it wouldn't be expected. I found Carmen's pregnancy jeans that had the girdle belly support and changed into them before I went looking.
Nico was way more secure than my sister, everything I knew about erasing my trail came from him. I knew for instance that after two password failures, his entire system was erased from the face of the Earth, infecting any hacker that tried to get to his info.
He'd been dead for less than a week at that point and the apartment looked untouched. I logged into his system and put in two bogus passwords and watched as things were silently erased. Then his alarm system gave a warning, five minutes until meltdown.
I needed to be a ghost.
So I went to the kitchen first, seeing cocaine in the same place that Carmen lived everyday threw me. Nico wouldn't do that...and then it hit me.
Nico wouldn't do that but Carmen would, just like I had in my house. Sure Nico had put it there but in every property I had made myself an exit route. A place to sink into if I couldn't be sober and wanted to just end it all.
Her kitchen had been her sanctuary and I had found her backup plan.
I padded the pregnancy pants with all the cocaine and then wrapped my lower belly with cellophane before putting everything back. Triggering the system would take care of what I couldn't.
Exiting the house through an underground door into the back of a bodega had been genius. At least I thought it was but when I came down the aisle, I saw a face I thought I recognized behind the counter. I grabbed a pack of crackers and took it to the counter and paid for them.
I didn't grab anything to drink.
After that, I detoured to see Ari just in case I was being followed, I was allowed to sit in on one of her performances. She was endlessly graceful and beautiful. After her class, she looked in my eyes and asked me how I was. She'd been there that day and knew that I was taking it hard. We went back to her room and she pressed kisses to my face and held me while I cried. I told her about my fears...about Marco...my plan and she kissed all my fears away.
She asked for more time with me and I said next weekend, knowing I'd be far away. This lifetime wasn't ours. My kisses were reserved for B...I still believed that but it felt good to know that if I couldn't have B, all hope wasn't lost someone I'd always loved...felt the same for me.
After leaving Ari, feeling more empowered, I went to the penthouse. I was so tired from all of my crying and just wanted to rest but I couldn't, not yet.
So much of me wanted to touch the coke in my pants but I had a doctor's appointment the next day and I wanted so badly to get through a pregnancy sober.
Because of this baby and Isaac, I resisted.
Marco had made retrieving his stuff sound so simple.
It wasn't though, I had to get on my hands and knees, climb practically half into the fireplace just to see the shelves he'd installed inside. Marco had everything orderly. There was a whole file on Nico and then I saw it...a binder...on me and one on Carmen.
Then my heart slowed...Nico had left this here, there was no way that it was Marco. Right then, there was no doubt in my mind that Marco had tried to set me up but I thwarted him repeatedly. What I was looking at though, was a kill file full of the habits, schedules, and pictures of my family and friends.
Only Nico, the hit man...the ghost, the first man in New York to treat me like a human and not just flesh, wouldn't do it. He wouldn't kill for Marco, so Marco had him killed. I should have known when Mr. Evans, sweet 'kiss me', old man who wanted me away from Marco and Nico...was unsuspecting and perfect to take down the ghost himself.
That parting shot at Brittany was probably a last minute decision.
I knelt on the same floor that I nearly overdosed on and wept as I looked through stacks of pictures of my son...Brittany...my sisters...their houses...mine. No one who was near me was safe, I knew that when I saw a photo of Shelby and Beth and I felt so fucking responsible.
My fault.
All of it.
Then, I felt sicker when I saw still photos of the videos in the West Lima house, pictures of me snorting coke off a table in Lima while pregnant...me dividing the drugs into baggies...me taking the drugs with me. Photos of me loading up the old convertible.
Blackmail.
He created insurance of his own on me, probably his backup plan to take this baby from my womb.
I went back to the fireplace and I took everything, shoving it all into an old accordion folder.
Then something crossed my thoughts...the big drop off I had made with Sandra, if the stuff was still here then I'd know for sure that he had been just playing us. Seeing if he could get us to jump and do his bidding.
I laughed maniacally when I opened the piano and saw that the drop we'd made had been an empty threat.
The bag of coke from my apartment was still there.
So was the money.
Motherfucker.
It all felt like a setup...the underpass...the cocaine...the fireplace.
So I went down near the warehouse that Brittany worked at instead and saw the hobos burning a fire in a barrel in the center of their tent city.
I took a stack of money from the bag and handed it to one of the hobos, told him to share with his friends...as long as I was invisible.
He asked if I was carrying anything else...so I broke him off some cocaine and then I stood there, alone and set every picture and piece of evidence on fire one by one...I stayed there, inhaling smoke and ash until there was no feasible way any of it could be recovered.
I caught some eyes looking at me, so I took another stack from the bag, ready to hand it to the set of eyes. It was a little girl, smaller than she should be and she was hungry. I walked back to my car, grabbed the crackers and gave them to her.
She couldn't eat money.
The delight in her eyes made me feel good.
Out of curiosity, to further solidify that I had been played, I drove near the underpass and sure enough, there were squad cars and cops frisking people. I'd dodged a bullet and didn't hesitate to drive my ass straight home after that.
By the time I got to the house, it was late and the house was dark. I used a baby wipe to clean my face and hands of soot and then, I popped open the side pocket on my driver door...just one trick that carried over from my convertible and I put every gram of cocaine in the compartment.
When I was practically accosted in the kitchen by Britt and Quinn moments later, I felt relieved that I had locked everything away. I tried to play it cool but I slurred and felt dizzy. Too much smoke.
My stomach was aching and my back was on fire.
I thought I was in the clear but then Marco told me the next day that I had been seen and I knew it had to be in that bodega but I didn't give him any inkling that I took more than he had asked me to.
All I knew was that I needed to go to Lima for as long as I could.
My kids were my priority.
Marco had been right about one thing, the longer I lingered the more I stank.
Britt had probably sensed all the lies, triggering her own attitude.
She'd always been able to figure me out.
I felt so unsafe.
Sleeping in Quinn's arms made me feel a little better.
Even though I lied to her.
If anything happened...it would be my fault.
The less she knew, the better.
After I'd let Britt fuck me into submission on Saturday night, I felt antsy. Sleep didn't last so in the middle of the night when Isaac woke up and Britt stumbled into his room, I slowly got up. My bladder was beyond full and I spent five minutes in the bathroom relieving myself.
Before I made another move, someone had to know what was going on and Sandra had been the ONE...she had my back and my front and my sides. I could trust her with my life and if anyone could keep people safe, it was her.
When I got back to the room, Britt still wasn't back and I knew that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. There was way too much to do before we left. I started packing an overnight bag and then got dressed in comfy sweats before grabbing my phone and keys.
Britt came into the room while I was getting my shoes on and her eyes went wide.
"Going somewhere?"
"I'll be back tomorrow night...what happened between us...wasn't a mistake. Was it?" I asked, not sure if this was going to make her feel like I couldn't take Isaac.
"No strings, that's what we agreed on." She said, climbing into bed. "I'll stay here then with Izzy. Are you going to Sandra's?"
"Yeah. I'm headed straight there. I want you to be able to have Isaac all to yourself before I take him to Lima. Even though we had amazing sexy times, I want to respect your space and time with our son."
She looked touched, Marco was right yet again, I knew when to turn on the charm.
"Thank you, baby." She said with a yawn.
"I'll let you know when I get there. I love you."
She pushed out her lips and I planted a big fat kiss on them.
I loved that dopey look on her face even if she thought she looked dumb, I thought she just looked adorable.
Once I cleared the hurdle of getting back in my car, I eased out into the near empty streets and began to head towards Westchester, only first, I cut through Nico's old neighborhood. The diner was dark and then I saw it...the house, the windows were burnt out and the door was boarded up.
Maybe I had set more than one fire that other night.
It was just before dawn by the time I got to Sandra's. Like my father, she was an early riser so even though the sun wasn't up, she was. I walked into the kitchen, feeling so weighed down and heavy.
"Hey sis."
"Ready to tell me what you were up to last night?" She asked sitting back and taking a huge slurp of her coffee.
"I'm ready to tell you everything, how bug free is this house?"
She looked around and gave a shrug.
"I didn't know that was a thing I should be worried about...want to go outside?"
"Yes." I said. She grabbed a banana and handed it to me.
When Sandra had gotten the renovations done on the apartment complex, I had one ask...repaint my old apartment and leave it fully furnished. After talking to her about everything with Marco, she handed me the keys to my old apartment and told me that with me out of the way, it'd be easier to protect Quinn and B.
I hadn't told Mami I was coming and I hadn't told Marco when I was leaving.
Sandra let me use Johnny's private jet, which allowed me to load it up with all the cocaine that I found and the money I essentially stole. Britt gave Isaac a million kisses and hugs before going with me just after dawn on Monday morning.
We flew into a tiny little airport in Lima and I took a cab to the apartment.
Isaac hadn't gone to the doctor in New York and it was stupid of me to take the risk but I knew that within the first day, I'd have to correct that error. Before seeing Mami or Susan, I would take both of us straight to the doctor and then, I would drop in on Mami.
That had been the plan and the entire time, I was waiting for some major thing to happen, something that Marco had done to bring us down but then I remembered how much he cared for this baby...even if he had tried to get me arrested.
Even if he knew about the flight, he'd never risk losing "his" child.
We got to the apartment early, like before cheer practice early.
I got the taxi driver to take my stuff up to my place and then paid him triple his rate.
Once my stuff was inside, I strapped a sleepy Isaac to my chest, covered the carrier in a blanket and then walked across the street towards the field.
It had been forever since I had walked the track at McKinley.
The sun was shining and the autumn breeze was just warm enough for a light jacket.
My body felt lighter than it had felt in an eternity as I walked a lap on the clay. Then when Isaac began to gurgle, I pulled back the blanket and took a silly picture of us and sent it to Britt.
Safe on track-Ana
...
...
...
I miss that place-B
Me too-Ana
Kiss my mom for me?-B
You got it!-Ana
And Izzy too, lots of kisses!-B
I took a selfie of me planting a kiss on our son's head and sent it to her.
Perfect!-B
After two full laps of the field, I went back to the apartment and took a nap with my son...setting an alarm for the last minute appointment that I had been able to get him at the hospital.
Only, I ended up sleeping very little and just watched my son sleep.
The peace of being back in that place that first felt like home, brought me back to the place that Britt and I had been at before I left for rehab. We'd been united and happy. Together, we had promised to make a life together in New York.
But now we were divorced and two nights before aside, we weren't really friends at this point.
I stood by what I told Q, there was something beyond bi-polar and her erratic pill taking, that had stolen the woman that I love from me. With that in mind, my first call of the day was to Susan.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Susan."
"Call me Mom, I told you this."
"It doesn't feel right after everything that happened with me and B."
"Like what?"
"The divorce for one, she told me that you suggested she get her own lawyer and everything."
"I told her no such thing."
Lies.
Fucking, B and her lies.
"Well, she did and we are divorced officially. I would really like to sit and talk with you if you have time today."
"Today?"
"Right, I'm in town with the baby. A little vacation before I can't fly anymore. I figured that you'd want to see him and that would be a good chance for us to catch up."
"Okay, I'm working from home today so you can stop by whenever. I can't wait to see you!"
"Same. Oh and Su-Mom...can you not tell B that I told you?"
"Okay, if you think that's best."
"For now, it is best for everyone if we just talk first."
"Okay, I'm trusting you, Santana."
"Thank you...that's good to hear these days."
"I bet it is."
And because I have manners, my next call was to my mother and the moment she knew that I was in town, she told me to stay put and she'd be right over.
So, who was I to argue, that meant one less trip to take.
I hung up with her and took a shower with Isaac, freshening us both up after a long morning.
The last thing I needed was to be scolded about how we smelled.
All I needed from this trip was clarity, healing, and fun.
God, how I missed having fun.
By the time that Mami came over, she had talked to Susan who had told her that I planned to stop by to talk about things. So while I unpacked and packed away things I didn't want found, they were plotting but because they were taking so long, my alarm sounded and I put my son back in the carrier and began my trek to the hospital.
Since I hadn't flown into Dayton, I hadn't been able to rent a car. I just figured I'd take one of the many cars that still sat at my father's house. In the meantime, I didn't want to miss my appointment.
I'm headed for a checkup w/ Dr. Ramirez-Anita
Dang!-Mami
What's up?-Anita
Me and Susan were going to surprise you!-Mami
Oh. Well since there are two of you, do you think you can drop off one of Papi's cars for me to get around?-Anita
You got it! We'll meet you at the doctors.-Mami
Awesome!-Anita
I smiled to myself as I made my way through the hospital parking lot and over to the annex. Dr. Ramirez was waiting for me in the waiting room with Dr. J and I couldn't help but smile.
"Hola!" I said and they both looked at me in shock. "I know, I know, I got fat."
Dr. J stood up and looked me over. "You look amazing."
"Thanks! Dr. Cabot takes no shit."
Dr. Ramirez rolled her eyes. "Whatever, she got you after I had trained you. Now she gets the credit?"
I threw up my hands.
"You're right, the two of you definitely got me in shape."
I went into Isaac's appointment with him and was amazed at how calm he was, which came down to him spending so much time in the hospital as a baby. He watched me as the doctor moved around him and I tried to smile at him but it made me so sad.
"Well, he is sounding much better than he has in the past but the flight did irritate his lungs a bit. I want to give him a treatment and monitor him for a little while."
"Like overnight?" I said, my throat getting tight.
"Oh no, nothing like that. Just while you go get checked out by Dr. Ramirez, he should be ready for you by the time you're done."
Dr. J looked at me with a sympathetic smile and nodded towards me. "I have been taking care of babies and adolescents longer than you've been alive and I have always carried a soft spot for Isaac, he is in good hands. Go."
When I walked out of the exam room, I was wiping away tears and was greeted by two faces that I had missed so fucking much.
"Ay mija, que te pasa?" Mami said coming over to me and wrapping me in her arms. Susan hovered just behind with a soft smile that reminded me of the old Britt. Then more tears came and I had to step back from Mami or I wasn't going to be able to stop.
"I'm fine, I just got worked up."
"Hey girl, are you ready?" Dr. Ramirez said as she looked at something on her tablet. "Your ob just sent me your latest test results and asked me to do a full work up on you."
"Seriously, it's been two days...is this about drugs?" I asked her and she looked at me with a calculating stare and nodded.
"You coming here suddenly comes off as erratic and she was tipped off by your ex-husband that you might have slipped."
I took a deep breath and followed her into the exam room, even now Marco was fucking with me.
Even though I hadn't invited them, Mami and Susan came into the room with me and since I had nothing to hide, I didn't put up a fight. Instead, I peed in the cup and sat completely still while she took vials of blood from me.
The baby was super active and it was giving me crazy heartburn but I just rubbed at my belly and started humming. Mami was watching me blatantly, while Susan, like her daughter, read the charts on the wall.
I got changed and climbed up on the exam table, ready to see my daughter and ignore everything else. Thankfully, Mami knew that there was a time and place for types of questions. Susan helped me get situated and then moved over to the side of the bed opposite my mom and took my hand in hers.
Like Mami she kept her comments to herself.
After a few moments, Dr. Ramirez came in with her tablet and a smirk on her face.
"I knew it when I saw you, that you were doing well." She said.
"All clear?" I asked, even though I knew for certain that I stayed clean even if I had over 3 million in cocaine in my apartment at the moment.
"Yes but you knew that already."
"I did."
"Well now we can put the speculation to bed and focus on checking on your little miss."
I waited for the squeals and they came only seconds later.
"A granddaughter?" Mami said with tears in her eyes and I nodded.
"Oh I bet that my daughter is over the moon!" Susan said and I just looked at the screen without a response.
The baby was stretched out today and I could feel it, she seemed more than pleased to show her long legs and her thumb in her damn mouth.
If Britt were here...and then...I figured why not.
"Hey Mom?" I said looking at Susan.
"Yes?"
"You should video chat, B...she...um might want to see this little girl dancing." I said, staring at my daughter as she put on her own little show.
Britt answered her mom's call way faster than she had ever answered mine but I tried not to take it personally.
Susan didn't say anything, she just turned the phone towards the screen.
"I gotta go, tell Santana to call me after she's done. Thanks for calling me." Britt said and then she abruptly ended the call.
I knew with time and distance, she'd waver.
Once Dr. Ramirez was done, I sat up and cradled my bump, holding back the tears.
Not now.
I fucking knew she'd do this if I had called but her own mom...fuck.
Back at the apartment, I put my still sleeping son in his crib before closing my bedroom door. The moms were out there heating up the food I had ordered and probably preparing to riddle me with questions.
I had a call to make though.
So knowing that my voice can carry, I went into the bathroom and shut the door before calling B.
Like with her mom, she answered the phone on the first ring.
"Hey." I said.
"Did you tell her what I said about the baby?"
"No."
"Why was she there with you?"
"Because she is Isaac's grandmother and Mami brought her. Am I not supposed to spend time with her?"
"We're divorced."
"So?"
"I took it back...you know I did."
"But did you mean it, B?"
She was silent and then sighed.
"That's Marco's baby. I can't get over that thought. You know me, I'll get attached and then he'll find a way to rip her away from me."
"Since when do you let Marco take anything from you?"
"Now."
"That's it then, should I break it to Susan that she shouldn't get attached?"
"You shouldn't say anything to her, it's not your place. She's MY mom and we are divorced."
"Santana?" Susan called from the other side of the door.
"I gotta go." I said.
"Don't get comfortable, I know you'll probably try to convince me at the end of this two weeks that you'll need more time...get that thought out of your head. I expect MY son to be here in two weeks or I'm taking you to court."
"Whoa, what the fuck, B?" And because I remembered that Susan was on the other side of the door, I dropped my voice to a whisper. "Are you off your meds again?"
"You know the answer to that."
And with that, I hung up.
I was fed up.
Her loyalty was to herself and I needed to be fucking selfish for me, Isaac, and this precious baby girl.
"Wait, I don't understand...Brittany...MY Brittany told you that you were on your own with this baby?"
"Yeah and I get it."
"No. You're not telling me something." Susan was pacing the kitchen as I fed Isaac who apparently had woken up when I was in the bathroom.
I looked at her and sighed.
"Ever since I got out of rehab she's been off. She'd been managing well but then she got shot..." I hadn't been sure if Susan knew and when eyes went wide, I knew B hadn't been so forthcoming as she used to be. "She's fine, it was a flesh wound but she was on crazy painkillers and I know she has been on and off her pills. She's angry with me all the time and is really upset about me talking to Marco."
"Of course."
"He promised to back off but he's a liar...this baby though, is a part of me and I thought her love for me would be enough for her to accept this baby but she just doesn't even want to fight anymore."
"She's always fought for you." Susan said.
Mami reached out to her and stopped her pacing, it was almost amusing to see my small mother looking up at Susan about to give it to her straight.
"Susan, it's been a long time coming for Brittany to get help. Maybe it would be good for you to go spend some time with your daughter while Santana is here...maybe she could use a taste of home."
"OMG, Mami that's brilliant. She could use you!" I said and Susan looked unsure.
"Do you have the network at your house for me to be able to work from there?"
"Oh yeah, I have my whole office set up and I never use it. Go and use it, please!"
"Maybe I will but I'll need to give a little more notice to my boss. I could probably go next week. In the meantime, I want to get my time in with my grandson."
"Actually, I would love that. Back in the city, I hardly get a moment to myself even when it's not my days with Isaac...I usually spend the whole time moping or cleaning. I don't do much else because I feel the need to be available just in case Britt has to work or something."
It didn't take much convincing to get Mami and Susan to take Isaac for the next few nights. Seeing me be clean at the doctor's seemed to give them a little more faith in me. Like the prodigal graduate, the first thing I did when they headed out was go back to McKinley.
When Ginger saw me come into the school, she scooted out of her office so quickly and threw her arms open to me and because I was in a good mood, I went along with it.
"Are you headed to visit the glee club?" She asked. "It's Diva week and they are having some trouble figuring that out."
I rolled my eyes.
"Of course they are."
For the hell of it and because I was sure that Berry wasn't going to jump out and steal my light, I headed down the hall and strode into the choir room in the middle a subpar solo.
"Well look at that! It's like you were summoned!" Schue said and I rolled my eyes.
"I was just passing through, how can I help?" I asked and McStubbles was the first to speak up.
"Actually, Santana I was just having an intense conversation with the club about how we needed a powerhouse like you to kick butt at sectionals."
"Is that a compliment?" I asked and he nodded.
"May I, Mr. Schue?"
He clapped his hands together and then gestured towards the front of the room. "The floor is yours, Santana."
And for the first time in front of the glee club, I slid behind the piano and began to play an old Alicia Keys song and began to belt it out.
It was a song about heartbreak and I meant every single fucking word, I just wished that Britt had heard it.
When I finished I saw I was being recorded by more than one person and I knew that most definitely, B would see my performance.
Good.
I wiped my tears and cleared my throat before pushing back from the piano and bowing my head to the clappers and lookers on.
"Being a diva is less about style, it's about showing yourself 100% when you sing without pretense. You can't fake your way through a diva performance. So whichever of you gets to do the damn thing, make sure the audience feels it or you are done for."
I didn't wait for any questions, I just turned on the spot and left the room just like a good diva should.
I didn't make it very far down the hallway before I had a tail.
"What do you want?" I snapped, as I stopped near my old locker.
"You're still gay right, even though you got knocked up twice. Right? Sorry Asperger's."
I turned around to see Sugar Motta, looking way hotter than I remember.
"Did you say something?"
"You're still gay?"
"Yes."
She stepped closer to me, so close she was also touching my baby bump.
"I wanted to get my college girl experimenting phase over with and I was wondering if you'd let me fuck you...you're kinda weirdly hot even pregnant."
I let out a cackle.
"You're joking...right?"
"No...I'm serious."
"What makes you think that I would be interested in having sex with you?"
"Because you haven't walked away from me or told me off yet."
I had wanted to have fun.
Shit, I wanted to not feel any attachments and with her I definitely wouldn't.
I stepped closer and shoved my finger in her face, to onlookers I looked like I was tearing her down but then lowered my voice, "If I let you fuck me...it won't mean anything. You know that right, this won't be a thing?"
"That's what I'm counting on."
"How do I know it won't slip out in one of your fake ass Asperger's fits?"
"Fake?" She tried to play dumb.
"If you can't admit even that, I am walking away."
"Okay, okay...it's my way of saying what I want. You're right. I just want to know what it's like to fuck a pregnant woman because news to me, it apparently turns me on. Who knew...what do you say?"
"I'm going to storm away now but you can meet me at my apartment tonight at 9, don't be late and cut those nails."
And then I stormed off.
She showed up right on time, her hair down, a smile on her face, in a trench coach.
"Hey diva." She said and then held up a champagne bottle. "I brought refreshments."
"I'm sober and I'm pregnant."
"It's nonalcoholic. I'm not actually dumb you know."
I pulled the door open and watched her as she walked in.
She dropped the trench coat and I closed and locked the door, not really sure how this was supposed to go.
When I was getting paid for random sex, it was one thing.
And with guys, it was easy they just followed after me but she had been clear about her intentions, I wouldn't be in control of this.
She wanted to fuck me, not the other way around.
Then I remembered the fake champagne and my mind kicked into gear, thank God for distractions.
I half listened to her ramble as I grabbed glasses for us.
And then I drank down a whole glass while she talked and at one point, I left her there in the kitchen as I went into the bathroom and freshened up.
Still she continued to talk.
Finally, I had enough.
I stormed towards her, ripping my shirt over my head.
"Shut up and fuck me already." I said and watched as her eyes went wide as she looked at my naked body.
"Wow...you're just...wow...so stunning." She said and then came closer and held up her hands. "I cut them." She said and then leaned in, gripping my chin and kissing me hard.
Right then I knew, I'd be putty...her sudden dominance was hot.
Apparently, dumb, air-headed Sugar Motta was something different altogether because she touched me like I was hers and had no problem pressing her lingerie covered body against mine.
She kissed me hard as she ran her fingers slowly over my belly, then across my waist before gripping tight to my ass, making me groan.
I had hissed and moaned, as she fucked me like she'd been doing this professionally.
She'd touched and licked me everywhere and I was just her toy to maneuver.
The third orgasm shook my body as she whispered dirty things in my ear and then chuckled as I came screaming...never once did I say her name. That was too intimate and she didn't seem to mind.
Through it all, I just had fun. There were no annoying emotions or expectations...just two hot bodies touching.
She opened her legs for me after I had come down for my fourth orgasm, "Eat me." She said and I nearly giggled at her silly smile.
But then I dove forward and sucked and nibbled, her fingers scratched against my scalp and I shivered at the feeling when they brushed the back of my neck.
Afterwards, we laid there on my bed, spent.
"Thanks for that." I said, my throat hoarse from all the moaning and screaming. Thank God I was the only resident of the building at the moment.
"No, thank you. I've got a lot of shit going on at home and you showing up today was a great distraction."
"Judging by the way you just owned me, I'm willing to wager that I wasn't an experiment was I?"
"No, you were. I had never fucked a Latina or a pregnant woman before...now I can check off two boxes."
"I should be offended but I'm not...I'm glad to be of service."
"So why are you here and can we do that again before you go?"
She was holding me, her chin on my shoulder as she traced patterns on my belly with her fingertips.
"New York has been rough, recently I got a divorce and my friend died. I needed a break from the madness."
"I feel you, my uncle Nico was just killed in New York a few weeks ago. My dad's been a wreck, he bought three new sports cars but nothing is going to fix his pain. That was his big brother, you know?"
"Wait...how did your uncle die?" I was connecting the dots.
"At his diner, my dad thinks it was a hit."
"That's because it was...my friend that died...was Nico but most people knew of him as the ghost."
"You're shitting me?"
"Nope. I saw it happen."
"You should come talk to my dad, he's had so many questions and no answers."
"Did they get along?"
"Shit yeah, they were super close. Last time my uncle was here with his wife Carmen, they spent a fortune on my dad at the races. Usually my dad is spoiling other people but Uncle Nico spoiled him since he was the big brother...and my godfather. He bought my first Birkin...ugh, I'm gonna miss him."
She sniffled and then cleared her throat, toughing up. I knew how that went.
"Me too. He saved my life countless times. You should bring him here, there's some stuff I'm sure he'd be interested in hearing."
"I'll tell him...but does that mean we can do this again?"
"Sure...it was fun."
"Sweet."
I had fallen asleep with Sugar cradling me like I was something precious but when I woke up, I was alone and I was grateful for that. One night stands aren't supposed to turn into morning antics unless agreed upon.
And it would have been way too domestic for her to be there when I woke up.
I showered and hissed when the water hit a few of the scratches I had on my shoulders from when I went down on her.
Even with cut nails, she had found a way to leave her mark.
Thankfully, they were easy to cover because I'd never hear the end of it from Susan or Mami if they saw that I'd been clearly fucking someone else. After my shower I threw the sheets in the washer and opened the windows to air out the smell of sex from the room.
I had a pep in my step and a song in my heart that I wanted so badly to play but that would mean going to Mami's, into Papi's office and touching the piano that had been taken from me and I had been forbidden to play.
Also, it was probably terribly out of tune...so instead, I pulled up a piano app on my phone and formed the notes.
It wasn't orthodox but it worked.
As I was working on the hook, my screen flipped to a call.
It was Britt and I knew that if she was calling me, something was up
"Hey, B." I said as I switched over the sheets to the dryer. "What's up?"
"How's my little buddy?"
"I'm sure he's fine...your mom kept him overnight. I'm going to see him in a bit."
"Already, you're pushing him off on people?"
"Not really, if you think about it, I'm honoring our custody arrangement. What's today, B?"
"Tuesday."
"And who normally has him on Tuesdays?"
"You do."
"Which means I get a say on where he is. Since he can't see you I let him get in a day early with your mom."
"That's actually kind of sweet."
"So there you go, she's your substitute."
"I guess that's fine."
"Is that all you wanted?"
There was a knock on the door and I stood up slowly, unsure of who the heck could be at my door.
"Well, I just wanted to see how you were feeling."
"Oh, I'm good...hold on a sec." I looked out the peephole but someone was covering it. "Who is it?"
"Motta." He gruffed.
"B, I'll call you later. I gotta go."
"Did he say Motta, like Sugar's dad?"
"Bye B."
"San-" She started to say but I ended the call.
I hadn't been ready for him to show up at my door at 9 am but here he was.
My phone buzzed just as I was opening the door.
I knew you were up to something. Telling Sandra-B
Fuck.
Seeing Al Motta was like looking at a younger version of Nico. He looked me over and then opened his arms as he stepped into my apartment. I let him hug me and he even smelled like Nico. I broke and cried against his chest.
He kicked the door shut as he held me against him until I pulled away shakily.
"So you're Santi?" He said and smiled. "I never made the connection that his beloved Santi was Santana Lopez."
"It's a small world. Can I offer you something to drink? I haven't had a chance to food shop but I have stale non-alcoholic champagne."
"No thank you, I would love it if you closed the blinds though...or if you have a windowless room maybe?"
There was only one of those in my apartment and it was the second bedroom but I was wary about going into a windowless room with Al Motta. So instead I just closed the blinds in the living room and kitchen, the offered him a seat.
He sat down and sighed deeply before gesturing for me to sit as well.
But I couldn't, I felt uneasy about Britt tipping off my sister.
"Would you mind actually if I called my ex really quick, she heard you talking when I was on the phone with her just now and I don't want her running around telling people."
"Go ahead."
Something told me that I shouldn't leave the room while on the phone, so I didn't.
Instead, I dialed Britt back.
"Hi. Do you want to tell me what that was about?"
"It's not what you think, this is about Nico...Mr. Motta knows his family and I was just getting ready to update him on what I know."
"I don't believe you."
"How do you want me to prove it to you?"
"I don't know, I just have a sneaky feeling that you are messing with drugs."
"Oh my God, B. I'm sober. I told you this. I took a urine test yesterday, ask my mom or yours...I'm clean. I swear to you."
"Call me when he leaves."
"B?"
"What?"
"You didn't tell Sandra did you?"
"Not yet but that nervous sound you've got makes me want to."
"Well don't. Just like you want me to respect that Susan is your mother, you need to respect that Sandra is my sister. We are divorced. Unless it has to do with Isaac, you need to back off."
"Your being sober has to do with Isaac and our daughter."
"No. She is MY daughter. You made that plain when you didn't even want to look at the sonogram. So no. Don't get attached. I have to go. I'll call you later."
"Tick tock, Ana. I'll be waiting."
We sat in the living room and I broke down that day for Mr. Motta from beginning to end. He seemed relieved to know that Nico hadn't been caught unaware and that it wasn't random.
A hit made sense to him in his line of business.
Randomly getting caught when you're the best hitman in NYC was not something he wanted to stomach.
"Why are you so freely giving this information over to me?" He asked.
"Because there's information you might be interested in but that information isn't free."
He smirked.
"How much are we talking?"
"I have product, pure uncut product and I need to move it. I don't want any of it, I want to be clean. A year ago when my dad died, he gave me all this money and I was deep in drugs at that time. So I got a trustee for my accounts, my sister. I can't fully access my own money until I'm 25. That's six more years of me having to get clearance to make big purchases. You know as much as I do, that he who holds the money, holds the power."
"You sound like my brother." He chuckled.
"He taught me that."
"So how can we help each other?"
"I know who put the hit on Nico and I know who shot him."
His eyes went wide.
"And you'll tell me if I move the product for you?"
"You can take it, I need my own bank account. I need to have my own stash of money just in case I need to move undetected. I have at least 3 million's worth and I would settle for offloading for half of what's it's worth."
"Where did you get this product?"
"Nico's. I went to his house and erased his records. I found the product and took it. I think it was Carmen's backup plan. I activated the security breach and the house took care of the rest. His legacy as a ghost remains."
"You know where she is?"
"I might...but there's a price on her head. She's safe where she is and that's how she wants it."
"Smart, I can trust you. I've been in contact with her and I know her location. Knowing that I'm his brother, you are giving me enough information to ruin you but you're willing to keep Carmen and her baby safe. Nico taught you right." He held out his hand and I took it.
We agreed to make the trade.
He pulled out his wallet and handed me 1000 in cash.
"Take that money as an advance. Go open your account and then open another at a different place. We can split the cash between accounts."
"Okay and you'll take what I have?"
"Not now, I know who your godfather is and I can't walk out of here with anything on me. You're messing around with my daughter?"
"Yeah..."
"I'll send her here tonight with the rest of your money and you give her the product then. She'll make sure that I get it."
"When the transaction is complete, I'll give you the information."
"I'm pretty sure I know who issued the hit...he's got his own grave already dug out. The body I want is the shooter's."
The moment that I closed the door behind Mr. Motta I got a video chat request from Sandra.
I thought nothing of the coincidence.
Until I saw her tear streaked face and her flared nostrils.
"Hey sis, is everything okay?"
"You lied to me."
"What?"
"Look up, Ana."
And I did.
There just above the door was smoke alarm with two flashing red lights...didn't they normally have one?
"Is that a camera?"
"Yes."
"You bugged my place?"
"I did, just for security purposes but then Britt texted me a while ago and told me that a mobster was in your apartment with you. I called bullshit. You couldn't be THAT stupid but then I tuned in and fuck if she was not right."
I closed my eyes and let the tears come. Maybe she was more tech savvy than I thought.
"How much did you hear?" I croaked.
"I heard it all and I am so fucking disappointed in you right now."
"Look, I can't keep this product and I know it's dumb to get caught up with the mob. I know that but I gotta avenge Nico...even if that means that another one of my kids doesn't get to know their father. In this instance, she's better off without him."
"Is me being your trustee that difficult?" She said, wiping her leaking nose on her sleeve. "Do I not have your back enough?"
"You do and I wanted to tell you but then...well...in my search I found your test. I know you're pregnant and I didn't want to put this on you."
"Wait...you know?" She looked shell shocked.
"Yeah. I'm excited that I get to have the older cousin this time." I smiled at her and she gave me a sad smile back.
"If you're still around." She said and then her face got cold. "I have half a mind to call Padrino but he's an asshole and will make this a gunfight. I want you to get rid of every gram of cocaine...as far as money, you don't need to be sneaky about it. Be loud and proud, you are a millionaire. No one will think twice if you open a separate account and I think it's genius. Get one, keep money in it away from Britt and Marco...just, be smart. Please?"
"About Sugar, we are just fucking around...please don't tell Britt."
"I won't but you absolutely should. Rub that shit in her face if you have to. After Frankie, she deserves it."