A/N: A chapter told in vignettes, if you will. Triggers abound, proceed with caution. Love you much chicas.
Chapter 18: Breakdown (Mariah Carey)
A Countdown to Madness
-10-
"I can't believe after I asked you not to, you still told my mother that I haven't been taking my medicine. Do you know what she did to me the last time that I went off them for a long time? Hmm? Do you?"
"No. B." I said, feeling properly scolded as I sat in bed going over the paperwork for my new bank account.
She was on video but I wasn't looking at her, the heat in her voice was intense but she was whisper yelling since she was in her office at work.
God forbid they saw her as anything less than perfect.
"She put me in a psych ward. I know I'm an adult now but she has a way of convincing me to do things that I don't want...just like you."
I looked up at that comment.
"What am I trying to convince you to do exactly?" I raised my brow and she raised hers right back.
"Take care of a baby that will be ripped away from me."
"No. Fuck you. I let you off the hook."
"What does that even mean?"
"That you can just worry about Isaac and I'll take care of my daughter on my own. I'll be fine."
She growled. "You say that but the look on your face and the sound of your voice say different. If I don't raise her with you then there is no chance that we can fix us."
"Damn right. We are a package deal."
"I gotta go."
"Bye." I said and then went back to my documents, but the phone didn't ding. I looked up and she was watching me.
"You don't even care that I'm hurting do you?"
"I can't take care of Isaac, grow a healthy baby and coddle your ego. You're on your own, B, if you want to hurt less try going to therapy and taking your medication." I said and then I hung up the phone myself before she could before turning off notifications from her.
There was nothing she could do for me right now but stress me out.
-9-
"Are you sure you don't want to warn her first." I said to Susan as we sat in the terminal with Rob. "She's not going to be as happy as you think."
"It needs to be this way, I want to see her as she is before she has the chance to quickly take medication."
"Can I at least tell Quinn?"
She looked hesitant but then nodded.
"I suppose that's fine, I don't want to startle her when I just show up."
My every instinct told me this was a bad idea but once the seed was planted, Susan wasn't going to back down. She was going to NYC and she was going to confront B, just four days after I had arrived. I just hoped this didn't blow back on me.
They called her flight and she held her hand out.
"Her apartment key, please?"
I let out a heavy sigh and then handed her the key that I had to practically beg B to give me in the first place.
Rob threw an arm over my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.
"You need to breathe, little miss. Brittany has been off track for a while and there's no way you could uplift her with the things you've been through in the last year. We should have stepped in sooner."
"Why didn't you want to go?" I asked him as we made our way to the car.
"I didn't want her to feel tag teamed, besides, this will give you and me the opportunity to spend some quality time together."
"That sounds like a plan, Rob...just not today...I um...have a date."
Once we were all buckled in the car, he turned to me, his crystal blue eyes so kind and sweet.
"You deserve to feel desired and loved. I mean, I'm team Brittana all the way but not this way. You two need to discover yourselves outside of each other so that maybe one day you can better appreciate each other, even if it's just as friends."
It took exactly two hours for things to blow up.
Sugar was making me spaghetti in my kitchen while I was giving Isaac some tummy time in the living room. He was obsessed with the piano on his mat and I knew that he was Mami's boy. He kept shining those baby blue's at me and I was a puddle for the kid.
"I love you, Papa." I sang to him.
He giggled and gurled, keeping me in a great mood.
I'd been out of New York for almost a week and already, I was feeling a bit like my old self before my life and relationship imploded.
"Are you still waiting for something to happen?" Sugar asked as she wiped her hands on one of my good towels. I rolled my eyes because, she was probably richer than me and she could buy me a million more of those towels. It was an odd shift.
"I bet you she calls me and finds a way to blame this on me."
"That's not the Britty I remember." She said and then the phone rang and I shrugged.
"You'll see." I said and then put the phone on speaker. "Hey B."
"How fucking dare you give her a key to my place, Santana! I was home with someone and we were...getting...you know and then my mom just comes in!"
"She didn't want me to tell you she was coming."
"Even if she did, why would you make it easy for her! This is why we can't be together, you're such a bitch!"
I watched Sugar's face shift from ditzy to annoyed really quick...then in her least whiny voice she said. "Baby, your food's getting cold. You and the little lady need to eat."
Sugar looked satisfied with herself as I glared at her.
"Who the fuck is that?"
"None of your concern."
"Where is my son?"
"I'm sitting on the floor right next to him."
"You have some whore around our son?"
"She's not a whore."
"I can't believe you right now!"
"Baby, come on. Hang up on that crabby witch." Sugar said, this time looking way too amused.
"Britt, I'm gonna go. Try to enjoy your time with your mom, she's only going to be there for the weekend...she missed you."
"Who is she?" She said.
"Again, none of your concern."
And then the line clicked and she was gone.
On a bright note, the spaghetti was worth the grenade that Sugar threw into the wreckage of my relationship with B.
-8-
I showed up at Mami's house the morning after Britt's blow-up, at her request.
"You were fucking a girl with Isaac in the room?" She asked me and I knew...because of course she did.
"Brittany called you?"
Mami sipped her coffee and nodded as I changed my son's diaper on her prized leather couch because I was annoyed that she got me out of bed for this.
"Last night, I was in bed with...a friend..." She cleared her throat and I rolled my eyes.
"Mami just stop, please, it's embarrassing...the fact that you are screwing my Godfather is the worst kept secret in this whole town."
She looked stunned.
"You knew?"
"Felix told me the other day when I ran into him at the market."
"And...you're okay with it?"
"Papi's been gone a year, Mami. You deserve to take that ring off and be happy...I hope you weren't wearing it for my benefit."
She looked down at her ring finger and kissed the diamond rings before pulling them off her finger and handing it to me.
"You keep them...for the next time you get married. Third time will be the charm."
"I hope so...thanks, Mami and for the record, no sex was had. She was over making me dinner and heard Britt tearing me down so she made her presence known. Of course, Brittany thinks I'm the greatest whore of all time so it's not a surprise that she called you."
"Mi'ja, you are NOT a whore."
"Tell that you Brittany."
"She's mad about Susan showing up?"
"And that I gave her mom the key to her apartment."
"Santana! That was probably a step too far."
"I know, I know...it's just she was looking at me with this pout that I have never been able to resist on the Pierce women. It's my weakness."
"You're a sucker for that family."
"I know...I'm going to a baseball game in Chicago next week with her dad, because he is trying to convince me that it's better than football. As if! There's a reason there are no cheerleaders...they'd fall asleep!"
Even though Mami believed me when I told her that I hadn't gone there with Sugar while Isaac was in the room, she still insisted that he stay the night with her so that I could go have some fun.
That night, I was buried between Sugar's knees after she made me homemade breadsticks.
I had my hands gripping her thighs as I brought her to climax because if I didn't hold her still, she got a little too Rockette and there was no way I was chancing her kicking my stomach. Little did I know that I would soon regret it.
As she fucked me, she kept saying dirty things and I was getting wetter. Her skinny hand was wrist deep in me and I was groaning for her. Over and over.
"Fuck! Slap my ass." I begged and she did, then she scratched her nails down my back and I came hard.
It was amazing and I loved it...things with her were easy. She was more of an emotionless companion who was helping me to rediscover my sexuality than a potential life partner.
She never spent the night...each time, she'd fuck me to sleep and then leave me there, tucked in like a precious thing.
Britt was wrong...it wasn't always better with feelings.
I was having a replay dream of my night when my phone vibrated next to my face.
There was only few people I'd answer for when I was feeling this relaxed and Britt wasn't one of them.
But it wasn't her.
It was Quinn and she was not happy.
"You fucked Sugar Motta?"
I laid there still feeling the ache she'd left me with and the sting on my flesh.
"Yesss...fuck...it was good. I know it's insane but she's a beast in the sack."
"TMI."
"Wait, how did you know?"
"Have you checked your Insta?"
"No...why?"
"Well Britt has and she's on a rampage about it."
"Screenshot it." I said and then rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
And there it was, an artsy looking picture of a mop of jet black hair between Sugar's legs and hands gripping her thighs. My face couldn't be seen but the wedding ring that I hadn't stopped wearing was there...plain as day. The caption read. Sugar for my Sugar.
"Wow...is that what the top of my head looks like?" I muttered and Quinn groaned.
"She recognized the ring and then called me in tears, S...you know that she feels like you're doing this shit on purpose?"
"Well fuck her, it's not about her...I'm not even thinking of her."
"Obviously."
"Thanks for the heads up, Q. It's a tasteful picture, I was getting mines and my ex-wife shouldn't have a problem with that. The only part of my body you can see is my hands...unless you know the ring, it could be anyone."
"Maybe take that thing off already...it's rubbing salt in her psycho wounds."
"Is Susan being there not helping?"
"Oh, S, honey...did you not hear me before. She. Is. On. A. Rampage. She kicked her mom out of her apartment so Susan is here, which means she is downstairs crying one moment and shouting the next."
"You think I should call her?"
"Maybe tomorrow."
"Okay...well...try to get some rest."
"I have ear plugs at the ready. Have fun, S."
"Oh I will."
-7-
It takes two days for the call from Britt to come in and it's when I'm having lunch with Sue Sylvester, Tor, and Al Motta.
Apparently, Sue and Al were dating...it was an oddly perfect relationship and sweet Tor was thriving.
Ian would be so happy. My tears were starting to come when she called so when I answered, I knew I sounded weepy.
"Yeah?" I said as I watched Tor holding Isaac in her arms.
"Are you crying?"
"Trying not to...hormones, you know?"
"You sure you're not crying over Sugar?"
"Why would I cry over her? She's been nothing but a gentlelady."
"I bet."
Isaac let out a squeal so loud it made my ears ring and I laughed when I saw Tor's surprised face.
"Was that Izzy?"
"Yup."
"I miss him, he'd be with me today if he were here."
"It's Sunday, B...he wouldn't be with you."
Isaac squealed again as he gripped onto Tor's hoop. Then Al and Sue were laughing too.
"Who's there?"
"I'm having lunch with Sue, Tor, and Al Motta."
"He's there again? What, you're screwing his daughter and cozying up to him so you can start a new family?"
"No. That's not it at all...and for the record, she does most of the screwing."
The line went dead and I shrugged, feeling a moment of triumph.
But it was definitely short lived, I just didn't know that yet.
That night as I sat down for a movie night with Rob, Padrino, and Mami...with Isaac playing his piano on his mat again.
My Godfather asked to speak to me alone.
And I thought he was asking my blessing or something as I followed him into the kitchen.
But his face got really serious.
"There's a new influx of cocaine on the streets, high grade stuff. It happens to line up with your arrival here...would you happen to know anything about that?"
I leaned against the counter and rubbed my growing belly, not able to look him in the eyes. He was a human lie detector and I knew he'd find a way to break me.
"I've never sold drugs, Pa."
"That's been proven. However, your sudden close relationship to Al Motta gives me pause."
I looked up at him and tilted my head.
"Who says we are close?"
"Was he NOT at your apartment for lunch and at your place two days after you arrived?"
"How do you know that?"
"Brittany called your mother to speak to me."
I groaned. "Of course she did. Truth is, I am screwing his daughter and I'd like to keep him on my good side, for when we inevitably fall apart when I go back to New York. Britt knows about it and she's trying to stir up trouble."
Padrino went red in the face and then nodded, "A domestic dispute is not my forte. Can you remind Brittany not to level serious allegations such as these?"
"I will. Thanks for checking on me, Pa. As you know, I'm clean and the last time that I could have gotten wrapped up in coke...I told you about it. Remember?"
"I do."
"Are we good?"
"Solid as a rock."
-6-
When Susan got back to Lima on Monday morning, she looked exhausted.
"Any luck?" I asked her, knowing her goal had been to get Britt to level herself out by seeing a therapist and taking her medicine.
She shook her head.
"I don't know, Santana, she's like a completely different person. She yelled at me and I don't think she's done that since she was a little girl. I'm really concerned."
"And I didn't make it any better by enjoying my life here...did I?"
"No, honey, you sure didn't but I walked in on her screwing some boy...so like I told her, you are divorced and who you are sleeping with is not her business."
"Thanks. She's trying to make sure I don't enjoy myself. I just want her to let me go for a while, so I can just become better on my own. This version of her is not someone I want to be with. She's acting like Marco."
"Is the girl at least treating you well?"
"She is. We are just having fun, my heart still belongs to B...even now...after everything."
"Still?"
I smirked as I thought of my favorite Harry Potter character, "Always."
We were having ice cream at the Lima Bean, me, Tor and Isaac.
She wanted to spend as much time with him as she could and I welcomed it because she was all he had left of Ian. I took pictures of them and sent them to her. Seeing her like this, so full of life after losing her brother just over a month ago made me feel so good.
Maybe Papa Bear had been right...I just wish he could be here with us.
I wiped at my tears and then felt lips press to my head.
Sugar pulled away and handed me a tissue.
"You okay, doll face?" She asked.
"I am now, thanks."
She slid in next to me and took a picture of Tor pressing her lips to the top of Isaac's curly head and snapped a picture.
"Oh it's gold!"
"Please don't post that." I begged, not wanting to stoke the fires. All you could see was a face pressed into my son's hair...it could be anyone...but it was so obviously not me.
"But I have too, it's like against the law NOT to post a cute baby...come on, he's adorable."
"Fine."
And then she did...the caption, Sugar for my Sugar's little Sugar and I knew the call would come.
So I tried to soften the blow.
FYI That's Tori kissing Isaac. Not Sugar-Ana
...
...
...
On phone with my lawyer-B
Why?-Ana
What time does your flight get in on Sunday?-B
B? Why the lawyer?-Ana
What time?-B
...
...
...
I deleted all of my responses and rested my head against Sugar's shoulder.
"What happened?" I handed her my phone and she scrolled.
"Oh come on! It's not like the last one that you made me delete! It was sweet."
"But it was on your account. Fuck."
"Do you want me to get this taken care of?"
I lifted my head and glared at Sugar.
"No more hit jobs...let me handle her. Just so we're clear, you are now officially banned from posting anything that has to do with me or Isaac. I have to go home to her and you're not making this easy on anyone."
"Okay, okay. Sheesh. I thought sleeping with girls was supposed to be fun...why didn't you tell me there was so much drama?"
"I didn't want to ruin the surprise."
-5-
After the whole Lima Bean incident, me and Sugar decided we'd squeezed all of our fun out of this thing but that if I needed one last quickie before I headed home, she was game.
I told her only if her nails were cut, those things grew back way too fast and my back was going to scar, if she kept up the scratching.
Even though I kinda craved the pain and pleasure of it, the person was all wrong.
Truth be told, while I enjoyed the sex and companionship for nearly a week and a half, I felt relieved to just spend the last of my days in Lima just hanging out with my family and my son.
"You ready to go?"
I rolled my eyes as I pulled the black White Sox hat down over my eyes as I followed Rob to the car. Susan was keeping Isaac for the night and then dropping him with Mami in the morning, so I was planning on heading to her house afterwards, I needed a break from being alone in that apartment.
Rob was way too excited about this baseball game because no one would go with him. Apparently, he and Britt used to go to games all the time when they lived in Chicago but she'd been so busy through high school that he stopped taking her.
That knowledge should have informed my decisions but I didn't think.
Old Brittany would have been excited that I got the chance to see a game...but this new version of her was jealous of my every action.
So when we walked through Wrigley, with people glaring at me in my rival team hat, which of course made me smirk because then they'd see the baby bump and would reserve their snarky comments.
Rob wore the blue Cubs hat and grabbed two little cub stuffed animals for Isaac and the new baby. He told me that it would make Britt laugh since she was the Cubs fan, unlike him. He was wearing Cubs stuff to deflect any haters but when his team scored he'd cheer and then earn glares from other Cubs fans.
The game wasn't so bad and so when he suggested a picture outside Wrigley holding the two stuffed bears and silly faces, I was game.
It was great bonding time and I knew that someday I hoped he got the chance to spend days like this with Isaac since he was outnumbered in his own house. My son would need good male role models and it didn't get better than Britt's dad.
The four hour drive home from Chicago was hard on my back, so when I got to Mami's I rushed through a shower, pulled a big shirt on, and then slid into the bed. I fell asleep instantly, cradling one of the stuffed bears that Rob had bought.
When I woke up in the night, because the baby was sitting on my bladder, I tried to make it there and back in the dark mostly. I sat there peeing for so long, I nearly fell asleep but the discomfort in my back kept me from getting too comfortable.
After washing my hands, I did a zombie walk back to bed, ready to let sleep swallow me but then my phone buzzed.
He's MY dad, Santana, you can't have him!-B
I can't believe he took u 2 the game-B
U repped the Sox and not the cubs? Was that to make me mad?-B
Those were from three hours ago but the one that had just come in made me freeze.
Seriously?
What was her deal?
R u screwing Sugar right now?-B
I didn't care that it was 4am and I surely didn't care that she was probably in a sour state of mind.
All I cared about was her not taking this shit out on Rob because that amazing man made me feel like I had a father today...for the first time in way too long, I felt a father's love.
So I video chatted her after sitting up and turning on the lamp.
I held up the little cub in front of my face.
"Why so glum, Britt Britt?" I said in my silliest voice and her angry facade fell away.
"That's really cute." She said, her voice sounding hoarse.
"You're really cute!" I said in the bear voice and then I made him kiss the camera.
She let out a laugh and I knew I'd broken her angry spell.
When I put the bear down, on top of my belly, he was perched against my boobs and looked way more comfortable there than I would be. He remained in the frame of the camera, just in case I needed to get silly again.
"You're at your mom's."
"I am. Rob let me wear his White Sox hat because he knows that black is my color...he wore the Cubs stuff for you. I knew when he told me it was something he did with you as a kid that you'd think I was trying to hurt you. Truthfully, I was just happy to pretend I had a real dad and it made me feel closer to you being around him, doing something that you two loved to do together. I'm sorry that I hurt you."
She was crying now and then wiping at her tears.
"No...don't be sorry. I went to the dark place when he was just giving you the fatherly attention you needed. I'm starting to think you and Mom are right. I do need help."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'll do better and so you know, I don't mind sharing my dad, he is pretty awesome."
"He definitely is. I can't wait for him to take Isaac to his first game. That's what we talked about...him teaching Isaac the game and playing catch with him. All that boy stuff that Ian had promised, you know?"
"I hope so too. I miss Izzy so much."
"I'm sure he misses you too."
"I hope so." She whispered. "Please come back."
-4-
Sue was yelling at her Cheerios as I watched from the commentary booth with Isaac sleeping next to me. My belly was now too big for me to strap him to myself, so I had to actually buy a stroller...so that's was where he was playing with his fuzzy keys that Celia had bought him.
I'd been texting back and forth with Q, randomly sending her videos of the shitty form of the tumblers and flyers this year.
Even though she was in class, she was having a laugh at them.
It felt good to just bust it up with her and we didn't have to talk about anything heavy.
How is Sugar?-Q
No idea-S
It's over?-Q
We were just having fun. There was nothing to end-S
But you said she was a dynamo-Q
She is but my heart...it only wants B.-S
Don't I know it.-Q
I was so wrapped up in my conversation that I didn't hear it at first but then just like his big cousin, my son became a parrot right before my eyes at six months old.
"MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA! MA MA!"
Glad that I had my phone at the ready, I turned the camera on him and waited.
"MAMA MA MA MA!"
He smiled so big and I could see his two front teeth that had broken through last week poking out in the front.
And that's when I felt the guilt and weight of Britt asking me to come home.
I sent the video to Britt before anyone else and then I tried to video chat her but got no response.
So I tried again...nothing.
At that point, what more could I do, I needed to share it with someone.
Instead of Q, I sent it to Susan and Mami.
Their responses were immediate.
And it starts! Happy Mami moment-Mami
Oh my word! Words!-Susan
On the phone with Britt, she's crying about missing it-Susan
She's calling you back-Susan
And then my video chat was connecting.
Sure enough, Britt was red faced and teary eyed.
"Let me see him...please?"
I turned the camera to my still jabbering son.
"Hey buddy! I miss you!"
"MA MA MA MA MA!" He screeched.
"Yes, buddy...Mama. I can't wait to see you!"
When I turned the phone back to me, she looked at me with pleading eyes.
"I don't want to miss anything else, please come home...please?"
"Not much longer, B."
"Sunday, right?"
"Fingers crossed, he has an appointment on Friday to double check his lungs."
"Let me know how it goes."
"I will."
"Bye baby."
"Bye B."
-3-
On Thursday morning, I immediately felt the shift in my body. I felt heaviness in my chest and my head hurt like a motherfucker. I woke up to my son whining in his crib at the end of the bed.
Please don't let him be sick too.
But then I touched his body and could feel the dampness of his clothes and hear the wheezing.
"Santana! Hello, is everything alright?"
"Dr. J..." I coughed hard and Isaac startled letting out a weak cry. "Can I come in...he's sick...I'm sick...please?"
"Of course, I'll wait for you in my annex office, you should go see Dr. Ramirez."
"Yeah, okay."
One hour later, me and my son both sat in the doctor's office with breathing machines. It'd been months since my asthma had flared up, it had mainly been under control. I had been taking my inhaler dose everyday with my prenatal vitamins. Isaac though, hadn't really been sick since the plane incident.
After my treatment was done, Dr. J left me to rest in a dark room and I conked out.
When I woke up again, it was to the buzzing of my phone and it took all of my energy to get off the bed and over to my purse.
My phone was lit up with notifications.
I NEED A HUGE FAVOR!-Sugar
Not spamming you but are you okay, I called you six times-Sugar
GM, How's my little guy?-B
I talked to a Dr.-B
New meds-B
Please respond-B
I miss him-B
Come home-B
I shoved the phone in my pocket and stepped out of the rest area, heading over the the reception counter.
"Hi, um...where's Dr. J?"
"He's in surgery." My hand went to my chest and I felt the panic rise.
"What? My name is Santana Lopez, I um brought my son in...where is he?"
"Oh the baby...right. He's in Dr. Ramirez's office. She wanted you to go see her when you woke up. Sorry about the confusion."
I didn't relax until I was in Dr. Ramirez's office.
She was watching Elmo with Isaac who was clapping his pudgy little hands and grinning at the screen.
"He looks better." I said, my voice extra raspy.
"That's because he is. Seems like the weather shift took you both down. How are you feeling?"
"Better, the medicine and the nap really helped."
"Sit down a second, let's chat."
By the time I got back to the apartment, it was midday and Isaac was extra cranky. Yay me.
Something about Sugar's voice seemed to make him smile though, I think it might be because she doesn't a killer Elmo.
Wanting to calm him enough to give him a bath and knowing that school should have let out five minutes ago, I called her.
"There she is and just in time!"
"What's up?"
"Brad is sick."
"Who?"
"Glee club piano player."
"Right...okay. Wasn't sure what his name was."
"If you could spare like ten minutes, I could use your fingers."
"They always do." I joked. Isaac let out a scream and I hit the speaker..."You might need to do something for little guy first though."
"Oh, hahahaha!" She laughed like Elmo and immediately my son's attitude vanished.
"You want to go see your Sugar, Papa?" I asked him.
"Oh please, little buddy!" She said in the Elmo voice and he giggled again.
"I think that's a yes. We'll be over in five."
This was a welcome distraction from the call that I was going to have to make later.
A call that would not received well.
My pressure was too high to get on a plane and Isaac's lungs were too weak.
Dr. Ramirez and Dr. J agreed, a week of rest and medication would do the trick, only that would mean that I was breaking my word to Britt.
She'd think it was all a trick that I was playing.
Johnny had his jet somewhere in accessible this week anyway...so next week would be better.
Everything was lining up that we just couldn't come home on time.
Britt was not going to be happy.
When I got to the school, I was accosted by Sugar almost immediately.
"Where were you this morning? You don't look so hot."
"I felt like shit. Went to the hospital. Looks like I'm stuck here for another week."
"Are you okay?"
"My pressure is a little high and the kid's lungs aren't 100%."
"You should have said, I wouldn't have asked."
I looked into her eyes and smirked.
"I didn't know you cared."
"Neither did I."
We walked side by side into the choir room as I pushed the stroller ahead of me.
Everyone looked over the moon to see me as I took a seat at the piano, setting Isaac up so he could see me the whole time. He loved music so I knew the moment I was playing and the singing started he wouldn't put up a fuss.
"Sheet music?" I called out and immediately, I was given four different sheets. "All of you need me to play?" I asked.
They nodded and I knew then, that's what Sugar had meant by not asking me to do this.
"Thank you so much for doing this, Santana. We won't keep you past those four songs."
"Thanks."
So I played through four performances and this time it was McStubbles that was recording me.
And I hoped to God, Britt didn't see because my story about not being able to come home and her seeing me out doing shit instead of being in bed, weren't going to blend well together.
But I had to hope for the best.
-2-
Britt had taken the news of us being stuck in Lima one more week much better than I thought. She was in therapy again and was trying to not jump to the negative. Then she sat with both me and Isaac through a breathing treatment on video chat.
For just a moment it felt like she had returned to herself but if Marco has taught me anything, it's that when someone shows you who they are believe them. There was no way that we could just go back to how we were easily.
Seeing us both like this seemed to calm any doubts she had but I was being cautious.
I got comfortable with talking to her throughout the week but I was careful not to mention Sugar and I stealing away for quickies at the apartment or randomly around town.
The less she knew about my trysts the better.
By the next Thursday, I had moved back into Mami's house so she could help me with Isaac and that seemed to make Britt even happier.
We would be flying home on Sunday and I would get to see for myself if change had actually occurred.
As fun as Lima had been, I missed Britt and Q...I missed Ari and I missed my life.
But then on Friday night things changed.
Sugar kept saying that she wanted to fuck me in the back of her SUV but because my stomach was getting bigger, she didn't want to ask.
I had vowed to have fun though and it had been forever since I'd done anything in car.
We stayed in the parking lot of my apartment complex, I wore nothing but my tshirt and her trench coat. I watched as she washed her hands and brushed her teeth before following her into the backseat of her car.
Isaac was at Mami's asleep since it was nearly midnight but like the good mom that I try to be, I took my phone to the car with me.
Just in case.
Then things got hot and heavy, there was a lot of shifting before I found myself on her lap, bracing my hands on the front seats so that she could have full access.
I didn't realize that I had hit my phone in all the movement.
Sugar worked me up to four orgasms and I was feeling amazingly sensitive as she tried to go again.
"No more...please...baby no more." I whispered as she tried to push into me again.
"Please?" She begged.
"Okay...just...go slow."
We had made out for a bit and then I watched her drive away before walking back to my apartment, sore in all of the right places.
I tossed my phone onto the kitchen table while grabbing some water and that's when I heard it.
The sniffle.
I turned around to look for the sound and heard it coming from my phone.
God no!
I picked up my phone and saw that I had been on a video chat with B for two hours...but the screen had looked black.
"Britt?" I said...hoping to God this was a mistake.
"You called her baby...when you came." She said, her voice shaking.
"I did? I'm so sorry that you heard all of that."
"Are you falling for her?" She asked, there was still darkness on the other side of the screen.
"No."
"Then what was that?"
"A goodbye."
"It didn't sound like it."
"Well it was. She's going away with her dad for the weekend and I'll be gone when she gets back...so that was our last time."
"How could you do that to me? Was it on purpose? All my hookups have been private...but not you."
"All your hookups? Need I remind you about all the Cheerios hearing you fuck Frankie in Pittsburgh?"
"If I fuck up, there's always a chance you'll take me back but if you fall in love with someone else, I know that's it for us."
"That's is insanely selfish."
"I just want to make it work...why can't you see that. I don't want to fuck anyone else. I have messed with one person since our divorce and it made me realize that all I want is you. Don't you feel the same anymore?"
"My heart does...yes but my head is telling me that I should see what's out there."
"I can't wait for you to see how this feels...to be away from your baby, to not be in control of what's going on or what I'm doing. Bring him home...no more excuses, if you don't, I can't promise you'll like what happens."
"What does that mean?"
"Tick tock, Princesa." She said and I went cold.
"You've been talking to Marco?"
"Just once...he wants me to get full custody of Isaac, make you be declared unfit. So it will be easier to take his daughter...what did I say, that's all he wants. You're six months next week...he's counting down the days."
"Is that what you're planning to do?"
Her voice was cold. "The longer you stay away, the more it's a possibility."
-1-
I tried to sleep after that but I couldn't...so I made a decision.
First though, I called Sandra and thank God she answered and agreed to help me.
After solidifying things with my sister, I grabbed what I could from the apartment and then rushed to Mami's. It was well past 3am now and so of course I startled her as I walked heavy footed up the stairs. She came out of her room with a bat and I threw up my hands as I reached the top of the stairs.
"I can't wait until Sunday...I need to leave now."
"Anita, its 4am."
"I know that."
"You cannot take that baby out of here at this hour."
"Of course I can. Johnny is playing in Cincinnati. I already called him. His plane is on it's way here."
"You're not thinking straight."
"I never have but I'm telling you, Marco and Britt are in kahoots I need to go home before this gets worse."
She rubbed her hands up and down my arms, I was crying now. I should have known she wouldn't allow me to just go off in this state.
"Then I'm coming with you. Go give the baby a treatment while I pack, then we can leave."
"You sure, Mami? What about your case?"
"I can do that from New York. What's important is that you are looked after and no one can do that like your mother, tu sabes."
"Okay, yeah."
True to her word, Mami helped me pack and get Isaac ready before we headed to the airport and climbed on the plane.
My son was fast asleep in Mami's arms as I sat down next to the window.
In one hour, we were back in New York City and I was ready to confront Britt.
Only, I wasn't sure where she was.
Hey, you up?-San
Um, actually I am. Was gonna go run.-Q
Is Britt at the house?-San
She threw this random ass get together last night, then kicked everyone out. Hold on I'll check-Q
I waited and waited until finally she responded.
She's passed out on your bed-Q
Here. Leaving the airport, see you in 30 mins. It might get ugly, you got Isaac?-San
Always-Q
Sandra met us on the tarmac, looking insanely worried but didn't say anything as she helped dock Isaac's car seat in the back.
"What is going on, Ana?"
"I buttdialed Britt while I was having sex last night, I think it was the last straw. She threatened to work with Marco to get my babies taken away. I think the longer we are away, the crazier she gets. I needed to get here to talk her down."
"And I came as backup." Mami added.
"I'll go too." Sandra said.
"Not in your condition, if she hurts you, I won't forgive myself."
"What condition?" Mami asked as she reached to rub Sandra's arm
"It's true, I'm pregnant." She said and Mami squealed until she remembered the sleeping baby in the backseat.
The ride was quick and I was insanely nervous.
Downstairs, parking-San
On my way down. She's up trying to clean-Q
I waited in the car until I saw the door open and Q come out in an oversized sweater.
When she saw me, her eyes teared up and she pulled me into a tight hug.
"Fuck, I've missed you. I didn't realize how much I would."
"I missed you too, Q."
"Be warned, someone was smoking in there...it smells."
"Well that's not good...can you take Isaac straight upstairs to your room?"
"Actually, I'm going to wait in the car with him. Celia is on her way."
"It's 5:30am."
"I know but your village has been waiting for this blow up."
"Touche."
-0-
Madness
The first mistake was walking into that house without Isaac.
I pushed open the foyer door with Mami on my heels while Sandra stayed in the car with Q.
Smoke permeated the air, there was no way it was just one person. I pulled open the front windows and then began to light candles.
"Quinnie, are you back from your run already?" I heard Britt call down from the top of the steps, when I didn't answer, she called down again. "Quinn?"
And then she came pounding down the stairs. My back was to her as I straightened up the pillows on the couch and she must have seen Mami because the silence turned to happiness.
"Gladys! What a surprise!" She said happily. I turned around and she was hugging my mom so tight. Mami patted her back and then stepped out of the embrace.
"Santana wanted to come home right away, so I thought I'd join her. I'm not ready to give up seeing her every day just yet."
"Hey." I said and she just looked at me for a moment before looking around.
"Where's Izzy?"
"He's in the car with Sandra."
"Why didn't you bring him in?"
I looked around and then rubbed my belly as the baby decided to stretch out at the wrong moment. I hissed as I rubbed my side and then made a move to sit down but then I saw a used condom on my couch.
"What the fuck happened here, Brittany?" I snapped, more irritated by the baby than her.
"I had some friends over, they got a little...out of hand. I kicked them out after I caught them having sex...sorry." She said and shrugged. "Where's Izzy, can I see him?"
"Why don't you two finish cleaning up in here, it's too smokey for his lungs. I'll let you talk while I go get him." Mami said.
I looked at her with wide eyes, did she mean to leave me alone with Brittany looking at me like that?
Maybe she didn't think that Britt would have the balls to hurt me not when I was six months pregnant.
She was wrong.
You have to go through two doors to get out of my house, the foyer door and the front door. In between the doors is a little vestibule where I keep my mail and shit.
The foyer door is shatterproof glass squares that let you see into the living room.
As I walked Mami to the foyer door and opened it for her, I could see Britt standing there watching us.
When I closed the foyer door, Mami stood on the other side, pausing a moment to look at me sweetly before pulling the front door open and leaving me alone with Brittany for the first time in three weeks.
She was halfway across the room near the couch picking up trash and putting it on the floor in a pile. How long had these people been here?
I went into the kitchen and came out with a trash bag and then tossed it on the couch in front of B. I felt exhausted and I was going to leave her to clean up this shit but then she cleared her throat.
"We need to talk." She said.
I turned around towards her, not trusting her at my back. There was just something in the sound of her voice.
"Talk then." I said, freezing near the foyer door, prepared to make a run for it if need be.
Britt started walking towards me, at first the smile on her face seemed sweet but the closer she got, the more my fight or flight instincts kicked in. I could just see by the way that was she looking at me that I should turn and run but I froze as she towered over me. The look in her eyes had me flashing back to past times, that look was doom...it was like looking at Marco or Papi.
Then I watched her nostrils flare and her pupils dilate.
"You hurt me so bad." She said, then there were tears in her cold eyes. "You deserved to feel how much you hurt me."
"B calm down." I whispered as I took a step back.
"I can't...it doesn't help. You don't understand me when I'm calm." She took a huge step forward and was so close I could smell the lingering scent of alcohol on her breath.
My stomach flopped. As I took a huge step back, my back met the wall and I realized I had willingly backed myself into a corner. I was right next to the door, my family was just outside. Britt reached over and locked the door and then looked back at me. I gulped and went to reach for the door knob but she caught my wrist, the left one and yanked it away from the door and held it tight in her hand.
I bit my lip and looked up at her as the tears came down my cheeks.
"That's not true, B...violence doesn't solve things. You know that. Let go...please?" she closed the gap between us and took a hold of my chin with her other hand, lifting it up so that the crown of my head was nearly flush with the wall. My neck was exposed as I looked up into her eyes.
"I'm so pissed with you right now." she said as she caressed my neck with her fingers. Some people get turned on by that but with my history it freaks me out big time. I sucked in a breath and held it before smiling nervously at her.
"Don't be, pissed, this is what you wanted...to be free and so I was doing the same. I'm sorry about last night." I said pleadingly.
In a split second she had gone from caressing me to squeezing my neck with both hands. I tried to suck in as much air as I could but she was pushing down hard on my windpipe.
"No more Santana! You can't manipulate me anymore!" she was yelling in my face now.
Everything was getting fuzzy as I fought for air. My hands flew to my stomach because I knew that if I wasn't getting air then neither was the baby. I used my hands and tried to punch at B but my punches were landing weakly.
I heard the front door open. I was so close but so far from help, I knew they could see what was happening and I could hear how frantic they were.
There was a pounding on the door as I fought for air and then there were stars in front of my eyes as I looked at Britt red faced, teeth clenched with tears in her eyes. I was fading. I could feel it.
Just as everything went black and my body started to droop, I heard a loud bang and then Celia's voice.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
Britt had really fucked things up this time.