There was something about seeing her die that set Natsu's very being on fire. Seeing the light slowly fade from her eyes turned the very blood in his veins into pure magma, demanding to burst from his skin in a fiery fury.
But what kills Natsu, what sends him into that blind, tearful rage, is seeing Lucy's future being taken away from her. That is what sets his being alight with a burning inferno, one that will not be put out until he has achieved revenge for Lucy.
Or, well, future Lucy.
Seeing future Lucy die right in front of him sparked some sort of emotion in him, one that at the time, Natsu believed to be anger. To top it all off, seeing Lucy, his Lucy standing beside her future self, crystalline tears staining her cheeks, only furthered Natsu's anger.
And it's not until after the long and taxing battle that Natsu begins to think that maybe there was a bit more than anger in that moment. When they all have a moment to breathe and relax in relief, Natsu reflects.
It's not something he actively seeks out to do, not really. He's usually moving on to something else after someone who hurt his family gets a good thrashing.
But after this fight, Natsu's thoughts return to the moment future Lucy passed. And with the thought comes a feeling of something gripping at his heart. At first he believes it to be remaining anger, and he quells the feeling with the knowledge that future Lucy was avenged, that he saved Lucy's future.
After that comes another feeling, and his eyes start to dart around. There's nothing but rubble around him along with the clearing smoke. There's no danger to be found, it's been taken care of already. Still, there's a sense of unease that sits in the pit of his stomach.
But why?
Everyone is safe, the dragons are gone. So why does he still feel so... on edge?
And then, he feels a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. A scent of warm vanilla mixed with light cinnamon fills his senses, and Natsu knows immediately who it is. She presses against him, nuzzling right between his shoulder blades. She holds him tightly, but still gently enough to show him that she's there.
Her hair tickles.
The feeling in his stomach quells.
"Is something wrong, Lucy?" He asks her, concerned. She hadn't gotten injured during the fight, had she?
She shakes her head, bangs brushing against his back. "No... not really. Just... thank you." Her voice is so soft and quiet, ringing with a tenderness that usually accompanies her voice in moments like these.
Finally, Natsu relaxes, muscles loosening, shoulders sagging. He looks up toward the sky and smiles.
They've won.
Things remain peaceful for a bit of time after the Eclipse Gate.
Life at the guild returns to normal with Natsu and Gray brawling at every opportunity and Erza stepping in when it goes too far. The hall is bustling with life and alcohol, making it quite the sight.
But still, it almost feels as if there's a cloud that hangs over Natsu. It's persistent, determined to follow after him every chance it gets. Yet it seems this cloud only enjoys raining at night, especially on the nights Natsu can't find sleep.
And that's one thing that hasn't exactly returned to normal.
Ever since fighting future Rogue and the dragons, sleep has not come easily. Most nights, Natsu remains awake due to this feeling at the back of his mind. It lingers, making him feel restless. The feeling causes him mild distress, makes him look around his small little shack, as if searching for something.
Natsu remains bewildered, as his search always comes up empty.
Until it starts to come together one night.
Natsu is no stranger to nightmares. After Igneel disappeared all those years ago, his nightmares had become a constant nightly companion. He grew used to them over time, until they no longer bothered him as much as they once did. But it was still possible for one to shake him up every now and then.
Lo and behold, the very nightmare of future Lucy's death does just that. It causes him to shoot up right, calling out her name. Because in this nightmare it wasn't future Lucy who died, oh no.
It was his Lucy.
His nightmare (night terror?) had made him watch the Lucy of his time die because he failed to protect her. He wasn't fast enough, strong enough, powerful enough. He had been weak and he failed her.
But it was just a dream. His Lucy is alive and well, most likely sleeping comfortably beneath her comforter in her apartment.
Yet there's a part of him that wonders if that's true. Is she really okay? Is she really at her apartment right now, safe and sound?
Something is telling him to check, to make sure. He won't be able to sleep until he knows she's alright otherwise.
And that uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach returns, resting like a heavy weight. Natsu knows this time the feeling isn't caused by anger, but was it also not anger the last time? The feeling is the same, but the circumstances are different.
So why does he feel so uneasy? Like something could and would go wrong since he isn't by Lucy's side.
"Mm... Natsu? What're you rustling around so much for?" Happy asks, rousing from his sleep.
Natsu's eyes flicker to the little Exceed, not realizing he had unknowingly forced the other to awaken. Not wanting to worry his buddy, Natsu smiles, "Just had a bad dream is all. Nothing to worry about, Happy." He says, gently patting the cat's head.
"Are you okay?" Happy inquires next, looking at Natsu with worry.
"I'm fine, the dream wasn't so bad." Lies.
"Oh, okay. D'you wanna cuddle my fishie? I'm willing to lend her to ya if it'll help you sleep better." Happy offers, holding out his stuffed green fish.
It had been a gift from Lucy.
Without waiting for his response, Happy pushes the plush toward him and Natsu gets a whiff of vanilla and cinnamon. Almost immediately, he's hit with a wave of drowsiness. The heavy feeling goes away a bit, but still makes it's presence known to him.
Having Lucy's scent here like this calms him somewhat, just enough where the sleepiness outweighs the... whatever he's feeling is. Slowly, Natsu's eyelids drop shut, and he drifts off.
These sort of nights continue for a while, leaving Natsu with sporadic sleep most nights. Happy has been the only one to notice so far it seems, for his furry companion asked him about what's been going on.
Confiding in his friend, Natsu told him the truth and explained what's been going on. Yet it seems in the end, Happy is just as confused as he is. They don't arrive at any sort of answer, and as a result it gets pushed to the back of Natsu's mind.
Life continues on as normal, and Natsu finds a way around losing sleep. He resorts to taking naps more at the guild hall which sometimes works. Gray will interrupt him for a fight, or Erza will need something. And everyone knows not to keep Erza waiting.
It seems the best time for Natsu to catch some shut eye at the guild is when he's sitting with Lucy. He had found this out by accident of course, having fallen asleep without realizing while waiting for Lucy to finish eating. He had been eager to go on a job with her, but she had been adamant about finishing her food before they left. Natsu ended up sitting down across from her and as soon as his head hit the table he was out like a light.
From then on, everyone seemed to leave him alone whenever Lucy was around. Ever since then, it's become a habit for Natsu to be found at the same table as the celestial spirit wizard, fast asleep.
And for a while, Natsu got by like this, avoiding the strange feeling that plagued him at night.
Until he was forced to confront it.
As usual, Natsu finds Lucy at the guild hall, a cup of water in hand. She has a book out in front of her, and Natsu blinks. She seems so enamored with whatever she's reading that she doesn't even notice he and Happy approaching her. He stops and stares, eyes feeling drawn to her.
Natsu looks over at Happy, and the two share a mischievous grin. Carefully tiptoeing, Natsu approaches her from behind before announcing his presence, "Hey Luce!" Happy flies into her from behind, gripping her shoulder.
Lucy shrieks in surprise before whipping around to glare at him, "Really Natsu? I thought you would've grown out of such childish pranks by now!" She scolds, a frown settling on her face. She gently removes Happy from her shoulder, placing him on the table instead.
Chuckling, Natsu slides into the seat across from her, "I couldn't resist! You let your guard down, and pranking you is fun!"
"Why am I not surprised…" Lucy mumbles, sighing.
Happy leans in, looking at her book, "Whatcha reading Lucy?" He inquires curiously, staring at the pages.
Lucy's frown instantly disappears, replaced by a smile. "It's a book on celestial spirits! Levy found it for me a few days ago and it's really interesting!" She explains, eyes practically shining.
Natsu and Happy share a look before looking back at her. Looking at her with confusion Natsu asks, "What's so interesting about a book?" He narrows his eyes at the object, taking in how thick the pages seem to be, "It looks super long too. Seems boring to me."
Lucy's cheeks puff out in a pout, "Well it's not boring! There's a lot of information in here, it's practically a gold mine of info!"
Natsu shrugs in response, leaning back against the seat. He doesn't see the point in boring old books, but they seem to make Lucy really happy.
His eyes drift over to the job board, seeing quite a few requests hanging up. He's almost tempted to grab one, but Lucy seems so interested in her book and he's kind of tired.
They'll do a job some other time then.
Making up his mind, Natsu puts his head down on the table, using his arms as a cushion. Happy looks at him curiously before realizing what he's doing, and joins him. "I'm gonna take a nap since your book is so boring." Natsu tells Lucy, making the girl sigh and roll her eyes.
"Enjoy your nap then."
Natsu shuts his eyes and falls asleep.
When Natsu comes to, his head is still resting on his arms. He blinks slowly, still feeling a bit groggy. Natsu squeezes his eyes shut to help himself wake up more, and sluggishly sits up. He looks around, seeing Happy beside him, still fast asleep. The Exceed is curled up next to a fish, drooling. He cracks a small smile at the sight. "Haha, hey Lucy look at Happy, he's-" When Natsu looks over at the spot where his friend had been in before, she isn't there.
But her book is. In fact, her book is still open. "Lucy..?"
Natsu's eyes catch something on the pages, and they widen. His heart picks up. There's something red on the page, spilling onto the table.
Before he can even rationalize what's going on, he jumps up out of his seat, head frantically turning. A few of his guildmates look at him with concern, watching him look around the hall with a franticness that Natsu only shows in battle.
He takes a step back and is about to tear the whole guild hall apart when he walks into someone, accidentally elbowing them in his haste. "Lucy?!" He says as he turns around, only to be met with Gray.
Gray raises a brow, "What are you freaking out so much for, Flame Brain?"
Ignoring his question and stupid nickname, Natsu grabs him by his shoulders, "Where's Lucy?! She was just here!" He exclaims, voice betraying just how frantic and panicked he feels. "There was some red stuff right by her book, something happened to her!"
Gray forces Natsu's hands off, "Whoa, relax man!" He replies. "I don't know where Lucy went, calm down!"
"Don't tell me to calm down!" Natsu exclaims, only growing more frantic with each passing second, "I need to find her Gray!"
Gray is stunned into silence, simply staring at Natsu.
Their little interaction starts to garner the attention of other members of the guild. Erza walks over to them, ready to break apart an arising fight. She looks at him, "Natsu, take a deep breath. I'm sure Lucy is still in the guild hall." She says, voice oddly soft.
Natsu ignores her reassurances, instead his eyes dart all around the room. "I have to find her, something could happen! Lucy?!" He calls, not spotting a blonde head of hair. "Lucy?!" Where is she?! Did she leave? Has something happened to her?! What was the red stain on the table? Why is everyone acting so calm, Lucy is missing! "Lucy!"
"Natsu?" In an instant Natsu's mouth snaps shut and Gray moves to reveal the very person he's been looking for.
"Lucy!" Natsu exclaims in relief, rushing up to her. He immediately starts scanning her for injuries, leaning in close.
Lucy jumps back in slight surprise, "Um, are you alright? Kinda getting close there…" She says, sounding rather confused. When Natsu sees that there are no injuries and she seems to be alright, he relaxes. It's only then that he notices that feeling is back, the one that makes him feel like there's a buzzing in his stomach. Lucy gazes at him with a mix of concern and confusion. "Natsu?"
It's then that Natsu realizes he doesn't really have a good explanation for his odd behavior. Should he just be honest and tell her the truth? Taking a look at the raised brow and concern shining in Lucy's eyes, maybe it'd be a good idea to be honest here. "You were gone when I woke up and I saw this red stain on the table so…" He trails off, almost awkwardly.
Lucy blinks at him, staring at him with a shocked expression. "Oh…" She murmurs, voice barely above a whisper. "Well I'm sorry for worrying you so much, but I'm fine. I accidentally spilled my drink and Mira took me to the back to grab paper towels to clean it up." She explains, and that's when Natsu sees the clump of paper towels in her hand.
He blinks at the sight and thinks back to the red liquid, "That was… your drink?"
"Yeah, what'd you think it was?" Lucy inquires, looking at him inquisitively. Natsu goes to respond, but the words are caught on his tongue as he remembers future Lucy's limp body. He freezes, unable to clear the picture from his mind. "Natsu?" He feels a gentle hand on his arm and he snaps out of it, meeting Lucy's eyes. Her eyes are staring at him with concern, but Natsu finds comfort in them, in how bright they are.
It reminds him that Lucy is here, alive.
And slowly the image of future Lucy fades from his mind and it's replaced with his Lucy, who's very much alive and breathing. Feeling himself begin to relax, heart no longer pounding in his chest with this… whatever feeling, Natsu gives her a shaky smile, "I'm fine, Luce." Lucy still looks at him with worry, hesitant to believe him.
"Gotta say Pyro, that was some freak out." Gray comments, pulling Natsu's attention away from Lucy.
"What was that, Popsicle?" He retorts, already falling into the familiar banter with Gray.
"You heard me! All of that just because Lucy spilled a drink?"
"You looking for a fight, Ice Princess?!"
The two of them descent into an argument, leaving Lucy and the rest of the guild to sigh quietly. Erza is quick to get in between them before a fight breaks out, and Lucy heads back to Happy and her book, finally cleaning up after the spilled drink.
She glances back to Natsu, who's currently trying to pick a fight with Erza and sighs.
She's worried about him.
"Lucy!" Natsu jumps, eyes snapping open as he gasps for air. He sits up, resting his hand against his chest. He feels how quickly his heart is beating against his ribcage and stares down at it. The nightmare is still fresh in his mind; the shadows ripping through her, causing her to stumble and fall, reaching out for him as she does so.
He can't get the images out of his mind.
And suddenly, Natsu is shoving the blanket off of him, hastily getting up. He nearly trips over himself in his haste, but he manages to catch himself. He fumbles with his shoes, trying to put them on as quickly as possible. Every minute that he wastes fighting with his shoes only worsens his thoughts.
The moment his shoes are on, Natsu rushes out of his and Happy's small cottage, feeling more and more uneasy. He has to get to Lucy, fast.
Natsu's gone to Lucy's apartment so many times that he practically has the route memorized. Even in his foggy mind, overwhelmed with this feeling, Natsu's body moves on pure muscle memory. And as soon as he reaches her building, he swings the door open and heads to her apartment.
Reaching the mage's door, he rapidly knocks on it. "Lucy!" He calls, oblivious to how loud he's being. He gets no response, which only prompts him to bang on the door. "Lucy! Answer me!"
His heart pounds in his chest, he's never heard it so loudly in his ears before.
Natsu tries to open the door but finds it locked still. He furrows his brows, refusing to let some door get in his way. But it's not like Happy's here with him to get him in through the window. Natsu lets out a noise of frustration. He doesn't have time for this!
"Sorry, Lucy." He mumbles in apology before heating his hand up to melt her doorknob. He'll deal with the Lucy kick he'll receive later. With his blood pumping through him fiercely, his heartbeat is all he can hear. He pushes her door open, quickly stumbling into her apartment. He heads right over to her bed, and in an instant, he relaxes. Lucy is safely tucked underneath her covers, sleeping away.
Natsu breathes a sigh of relief, sinking to his knees in front of her. He hears her shift and he freezes in fear, waiting for her to wake up and scold him. But she remains asleep, simply moving to lay her hand out. Natsu watches her for a few seconds, memorizing every detail of her in front of him. Her hair is splayed on her pillow, bangs messy from moving in her sleep. On her face is a gentle smile, she looks peaceful. Natsu's eyes drift toward her hand, the one with her guild mark.
And before he can think about it he's reaching out, taking her hand in his. He holds it with care, feeling how warm she is. Natsu sighs softly in relief, laying his head against the very edge of her bed. He closes his eyes and keeps their hands together, the storm of fire inside him quiet now that he knows she really is okay.
He thought he lost her again. He never wants to lose Lucy, not ever. His eyes widen as he finally gets it.
The pieces finally come together, and that's it. He's been plagued with this… fear ever since he saw future Lucy die. That's what this has been. He's been afraid that something could happen to Lucy while he isn't there to protect her. Seeing future Lucy die ignited a fear in Natsu that he never even realized he had.
He's scared of losing Lucy.
Enemy after enemy, Natsu has never been aware of this subconscious worry because he's always been confident in his ability to protect her. But the one time he failed, it had cost Lucy's life. He hadn't been able to protect her and because of it Lucy's future self had paid the price. He had been shown that even he had his limits, and that needed to change. He needed to do better, for her.
He swore to protect her future, so he was going to do just that.
Feeling much more at ease, Natsu shifts into a more comfortable position, leaning back against her bed. He glances up at the sleeping mage, letting her be the last thing he sees before he drifts off.
He squeezes her hand and falls into sleep, no nightmares to bother him for the rest of the night.
When Lucy wakes up the following morning, she's greeted by the morning sun. She yawns tiredly and it's one of those rare times where she feels like it's a good day for a lazy morning. She lays in bed for a few minutes, simply staring at her desk. Maybe she'll work on her novel for a little bit before she heads to the guild hall and meets up with the others.
Knowing Natsu, he'll want to take a job right away.
It's then that she realizes something is holding onto her hand. There's a burst of panic in her and she sees her hand hanging over the edge of her bed. Vaguely, she recalls a childish fear of a monster hiding under her bed that plagued her as a child. She shakes her head, telling herself not to be ridiculous. Still though, Lucy slowly peeks over her bed, blinking.
She catches sight of something pink and immediately that fear is squashed. She frowns at the sight before her, seeing Natsu spread out on the floor by her bed, his hand in hers. Her eyes soften for a second at the sight of their hands, before she catches herself and shakes her head. Lucy then rolls him, waking him up with her exclamations, "What the hell are you doing in my room?!"
Natsu face plants into the floor and immediately sits up, face red from the contact with the floor. "What's going on?!" He exclaims, wildly looking around the room.
"You were sleeping on my floor, that's what's going on!" Lucy replies, her blanket now pooled around her as she sits up in bed. She decides against mentioning their hands, the very thought of it makes her want to blush. "What were you even doing here?! You can't just go breaking into someone's house in the middle of the night!"
Natsu sits back, rubbing the back of his head. "Geez, d'ya have to yell so much in the morning? You're gonna give me a headache…" He mumbles, only irritating Lucy further.
"You're the one who broke into my house!" She exclaims before huffing. She forces herself to relax, crossing her arms. Combining this with Natsu's recent behavior, she's really starting to worry about him. He's been practically hovering around her ever since they got back from the Grand Magic Games and the showdown with the dragons. They've only gone on a few jobs since then, but she's noticed he's more… protective of her, like he doesn't want her to leave his sight.
She still hasn't gotten any answers, only increased concern for her friend. Taking a glance at Natsu, she sees him looking off to the side, a small frown tugging at his lips. He hasn't moved from his spot, and the newly formed pout on her face almost reminds her of a guard dog. Or maybe it'd be better to say dragon?
Oh…
"Natsu…" Lucy mumbles, catching his attention. She bites her lip, feeling bad for being so harsh on him now. "Come up on the bed, the floor's kinda chilly." She says, moving over so that he can sit beside her.
Natsu looks at her with confusion, pointing out, "The cold doesn't bug me though."
"Just shut up and come here." Lucy retorts, sighing. Not needing to be told twice, Natsu gets up and goes over to her. He gives her a second glance, as if he's waiting for her to change her mind. But Lucy does nothing to indicate her mind has been changed, and instead gives him a tiny smile. The dragon slayer then sits down beside her, looking at her with confusion. "Natsu, I think we need to talk." She starts, glancing at him.
"Talk about what?" He inquires, meeting her gaze. She can see how tired he is, geez how long has he had trouble sleeping? Is that why he's always napping at the guild?
Lucy tears her eyes away from him, feeling the beginnings of guilt. Instead, she looks down at her hands, brushing a thumb over her guild mark. "Y'know… I was really happy back then, to get this mark." She mumbles, talking aimlessly. "Joining Fairy Tail had been my dream for a while, especially after running away from home. Everyone is so nice, and we all support one another. It's definitely something I never had growing up, and I couldn't be more grateful to you and the others…"
With a soft smile, she fondly recalls the day she got this mark. "That being said, Fairy Tail is my family, and I'll do anything I can to help them. And that means you too. I know there's something going on with you, Natsu, you've been acting a little weird since we got back to Magnolia and I'm worried. I want to help you, in whatever way I can. You've done so much for me, and I want to be able to do the same for you. So please, talk to me." Ending her little speech, she looks at him, and keeps her eyes on him.
Natsu is still looking at her, a mix of confusion and concentration written all over his face. His eyebrows are furrowed, and his mouth is pressed into a thin line. But she waits patiently for him. Some may call her impatient, but for moments like these, moments of importance, Lucy will always wait for Natsu, for anyone.
"I…" Natsu starts, voice oddly quiet. There's only been a few times Lucy has heard him sound this quiet before, it nearly throws her for a loop. "Thanks, Lucy. Guess I should've known nothing gets past you." He chuckles, lips forming a small smile. Lucy cracks a smile of her own as she hums. It's Natsu's turn to look away, directing his eyes to her room. "Honestly, I've been feeling kinda weird lately, ever since future Rogue and Lucy showed up."
He doesn't go into detail but it's not necessary, for Lucy knows what he's referring to. It's a painful memory for her to look back on, holding herself while she died, knowing all of the pain her future self went through.
"Ever since then I've been having trouble sleeping and it's been hard to stay away from you." Natsu says, and Lucy fights down her blush as best she can. Natsu really needs to learn to watch his phrasing.
"I see…" She murmurs, wanting him to know that she's still listening, still here.
"And then last night I just… needed to see you, to make sure you were still alive, y'know?" Natsu says, and for some reason Lucy wants to cry. He takes a breath and, "I'm sorry, Luce."
Blinking, Lucy looks to her friend in confusion, "Eh? You don't have anything to be sorry for. If it's about you breaking into my place last night I'm not really mad, you know. You don't have to apologize for that." She hastily replies, not seeing why Natsu would be apologizing to her.
"It's not that." He says, shaking his head. "That day… I couldn't save you." Lucy feels her breath hitch at his utterance, and her heart aches. Oh how she wants to do nothing more than take his pain away, relieve him of his suffering completely. She wishes that his guilt could take on some sort of tangible form, one that she could destroy for good.
Though she may not be able to physically remove his guilt, there's something far more powerful for her to use.
Words.
So she turns herself to face him, and she reaches out her hand. "But you did, Natsu." Lucy starts, gently taking hold of his calloused hand. "You saved my future, just like you said you would. Because of you, everyone is safe, and the dragons were defeated."
"I couldn't save her, Luce." Natsu mumbles, voice trembling. He turns his palm up so that he can clutch at her hand. "I wasn't fast enough, and I might now be fast enough the next time someone tries to hurt you." Lucy isn't used to seeing him be so open about his feelings like this. Natsu has always been a pillar of courage, of hope. He gave her strength to push onwards. To see him so bogged down by guilt and self doubt hurt her in more ways than the enemies of Fairy Tail ever could.
"Oh, Natsu…" Her voice is barely above a whisper, impossibly soft. She lets go of his hand in order to pull him into a hug. She presses her face into his hair, taking in the smell of ash that usually accompanies Natsu. Beneath the ash is a hint of pine, and the scent is one that brings her comfort. "It's not your fault, okay? I know you'll always protect me, no matter what. I've never once doubted you, and what happened that day isn't going to change that."
She feels something soak her night shirt and judging by the slight shaking of Natsu's body, she easily guesses the cause.
Running her hands through Natsu's hair in hopes to soothe him, she feels his arms come up to wrap around her, gripping her tight.
Lucy doesn't mind.
Instead, she maneuvers them so that they're laying back down, still holding onto each other. Natsu holds her like a lifeline, and Lucy would be lying if she said she wasn't doing the same to him.
"... Luce?" Comes Natsu's quiet voice. She hums in response, still brushing through his hair. "'m kinda tired still. Gonna take a nap now." He says and Lucy fondly rolls her eyes. Typical Natsu. "Also… thanks."
Lucy feels a smile tug at her lips, "Of course." She falls quiet for a moment before speaking, "Hey, Natsu? I—" A loud snore interrupts her and Lucy fights down the spark of irritation. Natsu's been through a lot, after all. Hell, so has she.
She hasn't let herself think about it much, but that moment when her future self had died had been terrifying. She couldn't get her last moments out of her head. Every time she thought about it, her heart would ache and tears would pool in her eyes. She sometimes would stay up, crying as she relived the memory.
And sometimes, her traitorous mind would wonder what would've happened to her if her future self hadn't been there.
A loud snore breaks her concentration and Lucy looks at the dragon slayer held in her arms. Feeling the warmth radiating off of Natsu puts her at ease, as his presence usually does that. She smiles sweetly. Glancing at her partner's sleeping face, she decides it'd be a good idea for her to follow suit.
Snuggling close to her dragon, she lets her eyes fall shut. Lucy drifts off to sleep with Natsu's arms wrapped around her, and she hums in contentment.
A nice day for a lazy morning indeed.